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The Peace Maker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict
- GenresChristianCounselling
318 pages, Paperback
Published January 1, 2004
22 people are currently reading
103 people want to read
About the author
Ken Sande
38 books38 followers Ken Sande is the founder of Peacemaker Ministries and president of a new ministry, Relational Wisdom 360. Trained as a mechanical engineer and lawyer, Ken is passionate about bringing the life-changing power of the gospel into the lives of Christians and their churches. He has used biblical peacemaking principles to minister to parties in hundreds of conflicts ranging from simple personal disputes to complex legal conflicts. He is the author of The Peacemaker, which has been translated into 15 languages, and has written numerous books, articles, and training resources on biblical conflict resolution and relational wisdom. He is a Certified Christian Conciliator, an Editorial Advisor for Christianity Today International’s Church Management Team, and a Certified Emotional Intelligence Instructor. He and his wife, Corlette, are delighted to be grandparents and love to hike with their family in the mountains near their home in Billings, Montana.
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
October 29, 2024
Loved this book. Stepped on my toes in the best way. I will definitely reread in the future.
March 2, 2024
Good purpose behind it, just took me a while to get through
March 27, 2026
This book has developed a reputation as a staple item among evangelical pastors. For years I had a copy that I used as reference book. This year I decided to read it all the way through - and I'm glad that I did.
Sande forces you to think biblically about the practical issues of disagreement - rather than slipping into something like a secular pragmatism. He cites a lot of scriptures; the index in the back is a helpful reference point for preachers.
The book takes sort of a Baptist angle; it includes a presentation of the Christian salvation message. But the heart of it is a call for the church to utilize conflict as an opportunity. Sande is a lawyer by background; his driving conviction is that a lot of unnecessary litigation can be avoided if churches will just do what they're capable of doing. He emphasizes that if just one person is committed to following these biblical principles, it can have a huge impact.
Lots of Bible texts get attention - particularly Matthew 18, I Corinthians 6, and number of passages in Proverbs. He gives good, detailed insights on overlooking offenses, having a Christ-like demeanor, and having hard conversations when necessary. This book forced me to think of conflict episodes that I've seen, and how I could've handled them better.
He moves from his primary focus on God, to that of Christian self-assessment, and then to the practices of reconciliation. The portions towards the end that deal with understanding the interests of others, coupled with his insights on golden rule, were especially good.
His later chapter on forgiveness is probably where he needs the most help. There was nothing in it that was wrong; it was just very dogmatically and simplistically put. A good complement to this book would probably be some more detailed reading on forgiveness - as with the books written by Lewis Smedes.
The version I read was a 2006 edition, which has been revised and updated. It's said to be much better than the previous editions. It also concludes with series of appendices - which include a checklist of the previous content, some promotional material about his ministry, and a list of issues to consider when approaching possible litigation. He is a bit rigid at times, but generally the material is quite good. I recommend it highly.
Sande forces you to think biblically about the practical issues of disagreement - rather than slipping into something like a secular pragmatism. He cites a lot of scriptures; the index in the back is a helpful reference point for preachers.
The book takes sort of a Baptist angle; it includes a presentation of the Christian salvation message. But the heart of it is a call for the church to utilize conflict as an opportunity. Sande is a lawyer by background; his driving conviction is that a lot of unnecessary litigation can be avoided if churches will just do what they're capable of doing. He emphasizes that if just one person is committed to following these biblical principles, it can have a huge impact.
Lots of Bible texts get attention - particularly Matthew 18, I Corinthians 6, and number of passages in Proverbs. He gives good, detailed insights on overlooking offenses, having a Christ-like demeanor, and having hard conversations when necessary. This book forced me to think of conflict episodes that I've seen, and how I could've handled them better.
He moves from his primary focus on God, to that of Christian self-assessment, and then to the practices of reconciliation. The portions towards the end that deal with understanding the interests of others, coupled with his insights on golden rule, were especially good.
His later chapter on forgiveness is probably where he needs the most help. There was nothing in it that was wrong; it was just very dogmatically and simplistically put. A good complement to this book would probably be some more detailed reading on forgiveness - as with the books written by Lewis Smedes.
The version I read was a 2006 edition, which has been revised and updated. It's said to be much better than the previous editions. It also concludes with series of appendices - which include a checklist of the previous content, some promotional material about his ministry, and a list of issues to consider when approaching possible litigation. He is a bit rigid at times, but generally the material is quite good. I recommend it highly.
May 2, 2024
I am often amazed at how bad we are at finding agreeable resolutions to problems that come up in our American lives. We are so quick to sue and fight and bicker and hold a grudge to the death. It’s not in our culture to overlook offense or let anything go. We want to win. Often with no regard for others or the cost. This book outlines a Christian, Biblical approach to handling conflict. It is counterintuitive in many ways; countercultural for sure. In the book, there is an illustration that helped me immensely. It shows the spectrum of responses we have available to us in conflict ranging from escape to attack. It also shows how the best solutions or responses are in the middle of the slope and are called peacemaking responses. The book is organized into four parts, each with three chapters. Sande discusses the progression from one side of the arch of peacemaking responses to the other as the type of conflicts progress from less to more difficult to resolve. The easiest way to resolve a conflict is to overlook an offense. This action or approach is something I am working on in my journey. In many cases, there is no problem unless I force there to be one. I am working on knowing when to make things a problem and when to let go of things that will only make life worse. Humility is critical to this approach and so is patience. Other ideas that Sande presents include the idea that we, as Christians should keep our conflicts out of the courts. We should be the first to settle issues calmly, quietly, and gracefully among ourselves. After all, the world is watching, and nothing destroys a ministry or testimony like infighting and conflict. Shouldn’t we prefer to be wronged and let it go than to harm the body of Christ? Sande talks about the power of owning your piece of the problem. We have deep habits of talking ourselves into thinking the other party owns most of the blame even if that’s not true. By owning our piece, we have much more power to influence the solution process and build better outcomes. Again, humility is important. Stop slandering the other person. Really listen to their side of the story. A gentle answer turns away wrath. There were a lot of good ideas in this book. It felt like it provided some Biblical basis for several of the ideas presented in Never Split the Difference. Being a peacemaker is not about running away or being more powerful. It’s about leaning into hard conversations and being willing to sit in the tension until you understand the other side and can come to better solutions for everyone.
This is for lots of people struggling to understand how to mend relationships.
(Rated PG, Score 8/10, audiobook read by the author, 4:49, ebook, 321p.)
This is for lots of people struggling to understand how to mend relationships.
(Rated PG, Score 8/10, audiobook read by the author, 4:49, ebook, 321p.)
November 7, 2024
Definitely in my top 2 from counseling classes so far. Would recommend to any believer!! Sande skillfully organizes invaluable insight from God’s Word on how to address heart issues, extend grace, and pursue peace. 10/10
May 17, 2025
A much needed book for our time (and every time). I wouldn't say that there is anything absolutely revolutionary, but it is a solid look at why every Christian should be a peacemaker, and some helpful advice on how to do that.
It's not a long read, so definitely worth checking out.
It's not a long read, so definitely worth checking out.
February 12, 2025
Loved this book! Excellent steps to guide you in resolving conflict and overlooking minor offenses. How to glorify God in the process of forgiving others.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews