Compelled to Control: Why Relationships Break Down and What Makes Them Well

by Keith Miller, J. Keith Miller

Identifying the principle cause of interpersonal problems as the need to control, this twelve-step-style recovery program offers advice on how to affect a profound change in a controller.

Genres: Psychology, Self Help

246 pages, Hardcover

First published February 1, 1992

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the GoodReads database with this name. See this thread for more information.

Reviews

[Carol · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book almost 2 decades ago - no longer have the book, but found the paper cover in sorting through a box of OLD papers.
This book helped me recognize the dysfunctional, "codependent" patterns of behavior I had learned growing up and was perpetuating unnecessarily. Recognition allowed me to start taking "ownership" of my behavior, which let me change. (If you don't believe me, ask my girls - they were old enough to remember my old ways.)
I would recommend it to anyone who is spending too much energy trying to control everything and everyone in their lives, at the expense of healthy relationships.

[Annemarie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is not very fluid, but does carry some valuable material regarding compulsions. It's amazing how many behaviors can be addressed using the 12 steps! The author inserts a lot of his own interpretations based on his own experience with conquering being a controlling person, but doesn't always allow for other possible explanations for similar behavior. While no theologian, he does try to incorporate faith into the discussion. I found the most important section of this text to be chapters 13-16.

[Robert Bogue · Rating 4 out of 5]

We all want to be in control but none of us wants to be controlled. That’s a basic truth about control that we all live by. Managers seek to control their employees – to get them to do whatever it is the organization needs from them. Parents seek to control their children and get them to behave in a way that the parent believes is appropriate. Pastors try to control their congregations into honorable behaviors. Politicians try to control the constituents into attitudes that improve society – or increase the probability for reelection.

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[Shiloah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very helpful book. I'm so glad I stumbled upon it. I'm working to heal core issues from childhood and this book brought a new awareness to ways we try to control others. He gives ideas for healing and clear, understandable illustrations to help you understand each concept. I love how it ended in a positive and realistic view of boundaries and the difference between walls and boundaries. Also noteworthy, it is written with a Christian perspective, which I appreciated very much.

[Jaime Marmolejo · Rating 2 out of 5]

Another "post" divorce book. LOL What did I learn???? So I am controlling so what!!! Big baby :) haha

[Meagan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has hands - it's smacking me upside the head page by page.

[Sharon West · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an amazing book! I almost didn't read it because I thought it was a "couples" book. It opened my eyes.

[Marangelie Caceres · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bravo!!!

This book is a blessing and a beam of light in a very dark place for me. I have hope...

[Amanda Talley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good book packed with a lot of helpful information. I find the 12 step approach to be a bit limited and the writing is not exactly eloquent, hence the 3 star.

[Takea Garraway · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is highly recommended! Gave me so many good nuggets.