And on today’s episode of “Books Kit would never have read for good reason if English class hadn’t made her: the worst book yet.” In fact, if I’m being honest with myself, I think this might be the worst book I’ve ever read. And in case you haven’t taken a gander at my shelves, I’ve read some pretty shitty books. I’ve read Fifty Shades, Twilight, Matched, Fallen, The Selection and Something Special, the book that I still wonder “how could such a great author have written such a shit book?”, but you know that? This takes the cake. It really does. And it’s not even because of terrible content, it’s just…nothing happens.
The Mind Of A Thief is a memoir written by Patti Miller with a focus on her hometown of Wellington, which happens to be mostly land belonging to a local Aboriginal community, and follows her being a nosy asshole into business that isn’t hers regarding Native Land Claims because she appears to be having some sort of mid-life crisis.
Supposedly this book was meant to help us understand the concept of identity and belonging. All I learned about my own identity through reading this is that clearly I have much better taste in books than whoever came up with this year’s spectacularly shitty book list.
Patti Miller is not a good writer. Some writers can switch between time periods, go into memory sequences and even have entirely disjointed cut-to-pieces-and-stitched-up-in-the-wrong-order narratives and make it work extremely well. Ms. Miller is not one of these writers. Ms. Miller is the kind of writer who goes off on a three page tangent in the middle of a conversation that may have actually given the book some sense of plot or suspense or intrigue had it been handled correctly. I don’t care about her childhood—by all accounts, her own included, it is not thrilling. Nothing happened. She was on the poorer end of things, grew up on the family farm out in the bush and then moved to Sydney when she got a bit older—not all that thrilling. Honestly, that’s her entire life story. Seemingly pleasant enough to her, someone who lived it, but not particularly thrilling to the average reader—you know, someone who reads books in order to achieve some kind of excitement that every day living just ain’t cutting?
Just about everyone she interviews or speaks with seems to be incredibly rude—like really rude, including her own brother who I found to be the most insufferable of the lot (Which is pretty astounding given how boring it was to have to read what was effectively his incredibly boring sister’s stream of consciousness writing), and seemed to have some kind of underlying sexism thing going on? Either way, I didn’t like him, I didn’t like anyone Ms. Miller spoke to, and I definitely did not like Ms. Miller. She is by far the most boring person I have ever encountered, I really cannot stress that enough.
The entire moral of this book seems to not be something about identity and belonging (Though I assume that was what both the author and the school council intended) but rather a case of “white people really shouldn’t be nosy into the business of indigenous communities and basically make an ass of themselves out of curiosity and their own mid-life-crisis related issues. If I could give this book a zero, believe me: I would.