A Hell for Heroes: A SAS Hero's Journey to the Heart of Darkness

by Theodore Knell

This is my life story and the story of my time in the SAS. I hope that any soldier who reads it will find some sort of connection with their own. I have tried to share my experiences honestly, and as such all of the incidents portrayed within this book are true, some so dark and painful that I often questioned whether I wanted to remain part of the human race. I hope it will provide you an insight into the life and mind of a soldier—what makes us the way we are, what drives us on when other men would fold, what binds us together like no other brotherhood on earth, what makes us laugh and what scares us shitless.Watching men die violently for the first time is not something I would wish on any young man. Yes, many who have not served will say "It will make a man out of you, son," but what do they know? In reality it will destroy far more men than it makes, leaving many dead or crippled for life, some with wounds you can see, but far more with wounds which you cannot.

Genres: Military Fiction

337 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2012

Reviews

[Seumas Gallacher · Rating 5 out of 5]

...A HELL FOR HEROES is an absorbing read on so many levels... an unvarnished true autobiographical story of a former Special Forces soldier, told with warts and all... the trail of one man’s journey from poverty and hardship in the slums of London, into an escape route familiar to many young men and women in the guise of service in the military... Theo Knell has been there and done it all... the pace of raconteurship of the combat situations is excellent, as is the graphic portrayal of the ‘sharp end’ of the killing business as a soldier... however, the aftermath of a career in the armed forces has an ugly, often unseen, and unacknowledged edge... the onset of PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder, is a powerfully debilitating affliction, frequently no less potent than injury received in battle... this book has it weaved constantly through its latter stages... Knell also includes stark poetry verses, penned from his dark experiences in the field, and these add fascinating insights, heightening the narrative descriptions magnificently... a wonderful book, from a brave man... with the courage not only to recount the combat life, but equally importantly, tackling the mental battle when the military decides it no longer needs its soldier...

[Heimir Tomm]

Brilliant book. Very thought provoking. I particularly like the poems in it, they open a window to the guy.

[Jessica Cooper · Rating 5 out of 5]

TW: Death, Mental Health, Combat Trauma, PTSD, Military Humour, Domestic Abuse, Sexual Abuse

This is a fantastic non- fiction story of Theo's life from his Childhood until his departure from the British Army and living on "civvie street". A brutally honest account of what it takes to be in the army representing your country, but also what it takes by way of mortal combat.

It has given me a whole new reason to look after our veteran's, a whole new understanding that a battle rages on after serving in the armed forces in a way that it can have life-long impact on Mental Health.

If Theo were to write another book, I would definitely give it a read.

[Richard Harvey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you

Although I have nowhere done a third of what you have shared in this book I can seriously identify with you with the PTSD, I hope to stay as strong as you have while I fight my own demons

[clanger3920 · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent read

A really honest and no holds bars approach to military service and it's i pact in the life of soldiers and their loved ones.

[Mark Pearson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read.

Thank you for sharing your experience with the world. A great read both sad and exhilarating at the same time.

[Tara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raw, honest, and a must read for anyone with a service person in their life or who works with the military community.

[Juliet · Rating 4 out of 5]

Theo Knell served for twenty-two years in the British Army, most of that time with Special Forces. A Hell for Heroes developed from a shorter book he wrote while coming to terms with the aftermath of his experiences, including PTSD (Post Traumatic Streess Disorder.)

The book is made up of short pieces covering Knell's childhood, his years in the army and his return to civilian life, which was often shadowed by the trauma of the past. Some of Knell's poetry is included. As he says in his introduction, 'poetry is the natural voice of both the warror and the oppressed.'

One of the most compelling elements of the book, for me, was the down-to-earth, unemotional recounting of a horrendously difficult childhood. It comes through strongly, though Knell never states this in so many words, that the hard man he became as a soldier was forged by the deprivation and cruelty he endured as a child.

A Hell for Heroes is plainly told - straightforward and workmanlike in its execution. Theo Knell states at the end that he hopes the story will give people more understanding of those who have seen active service in the armed forces, and that for soldiers and ex-soldiers the book will capture 'something of their own joy, pain, fears, sorrows and stories of personal survival.'

[Sam · Rating 2 out of 5]

Hell for Heroes is a powerful and emotionally charged memoir that goes far beyond battlefield bravado. It’s not just about war stories, it’s about what happens after, when the uniform comes off and real life hits just as hard. Raw, honest, and sometimes confronting, it’s a must-read for anyone curious about the full reality of a soldier’s life.

What I Liked:
- The emotional depth is striking, this isn’t just another action-heavy military memoir, it’s deeply human.
- It sheds light on the personal cost of long-term service and how difficult it can be to re-enter civilian life.
- The honesty is refreshing and sobering, especially for those considering a military career—it’s a valuable perspective that rarely gets shared.

What I Didn’t:
- Some of the structure jumps around a bit, which can disrupt the emotional flow at times.
- There are moments where I wished for more reflection or follow-up on certain life events that are mentioned briefly.
- It’s less about specific missions and more about the psychological journey, something to keep in mind if you’re expecting front-line stories from start to finish.

[Bryn · Rating 3 out of 5]

An insightful piece into some of the thoughts and feelings of a man in the special forces, but Theo tends to keep so much vague and even skips great details, especially relating to his relationship with his wife and children. He is also prone to the occasional posturing and bravado of an old man bragging about how he could beat people up if he wanted to, which takes some of the shine off the overall story. While his attempts at poetry are best left uncriticised (I don't want to diss him too much, after all he is a trained killer), overall it's an enjoyable read and one can't help but sympathise with the difficult life Theo led both during and before his time in the forces.

[Ged Fitzpatrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

A truly vivid account of a fight that never ended

I picked up this book because I have an interest in special forces warfare. In actual fact this book is the REALITY. Life as a member of 22 SAS I always thought must be a life of adrenaline and excitement, Theo's book is the real deal life as an SAS fighter is costly. The life he led was a life to be proud of but the price they pay is too high .Thank you to Theo for reminding us that behind the proud chest of medals worn by our veterans is a person who has paid in full the cost of those medals and whom continues to pay everyday afterward

[Nicua · Rating 4 out of 5]

Heartbreaking, emotionally draining read about someone who had an extremely sad and difficult start in life but who rose up to become a hero. Real-life stories, real-life people and real-life situations made this read a unique and special look into the lives of Special Forces. Skillfully written with emotion and educating information of how things really are. Also filled with beautiful poems expressing the pain and experiences that time will never heal. I really enjoyed it and honoured to have it in my library. Looking forward to the next book by this author.

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

An absolute MUST READ book for anyone in the Defence Force, thinking about joining up, and also for those who have family members in the Armed Forces.
Great mix it humour, mixed in well with serious situations.
Best Defence Force book I have ever read

[Andrew Bishop · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a very personal account of an SAS soldier and also includes some poetry. Very direct and graphic in parts it paints a sober picture of a soldiers lot especially special forces. Not exactly enjoyable but an important read I think to assist in understanding the impacts of war.

[Geoff · Rating 2 out of 5]

It concentrated more on the humanity and creation of soldiers than it did on the day-to-day aspect of soldiering. I wish it wasn't full of poetry, as well.

[Lachlan Clark · Rating 3 out of 5]

Was interesting, but I kinda question how much was true. His poetry was interesting at first was too heavy handed through the book.

[Sharon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting read. Gives good insight into the mind of a special services soldier, in paticular post service.
I hope the author & his wife are still enjoying a good quality of life.

[David Macconnell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Candid and personal account

A well written account of a mans life before, during and after his life in the army. Its not a death or glory account its a very candid look at how he got to where he is now. A really good read which manages to encompass his families life, his own military life and those who have passed through his life on their own journey. The book hints at some of the horrors he has seen as he struggles to comprehend mans inhumanity to man.