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Last Night I Sang to the Monster
Zach is eighteen. He is bright and articulate. He's also an alcoholic and in rehab instead of high school, but he doesn't remember how he got there. He's not sure he wants to remember. Something bad must have happened. Something really, really bad. Remembering sucks and being alive - well, what's up with that?
I have it in my head that when we're born, God writes things down on our hearts. See, on some people's hearts he writes Happy and on some people's hearts he writes Sad and on some people's hearts he writes Crazy on some people's hearts he writes Genius and on some people's hearts he writes Angry and on some people's hearts he writes Winner and on some people's hearts he writes Loser. It's all like a game to him. Him.God. And it's all pretty much random. He takes out his pen and starts writing on our blank hearts. When it came to my turn, he wrote Sad. I don't like God very much. Apparently he doesn't like me very much either
I have it in my head that when we're born, God writes things down on our hearts. See, on some people's hearts he writes Happy and on some people's hearts he writes Sad and on some people's hearts he writes Crazy on some people's hearts he writes Genius and on some people's hearts he writes Angry and on some people's hearts he writes Winner and on some people's hearts he writes Loser. It's all like a game to him. Him.God. And it's all pretty much random. He takes out his pen and starts writing on our blank hearts. When it came to my turn, he wrote Sad. I don't like God very much. Apparently he doesn't like me very much either
304 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 1, 2009
279 people are currently reading
25372 people want to read
About the author
Benjamin Alire Sáenz
37 books15.7k followersBenjamin Alire Sáenz (born 16 August 1954) is an award-winning American poet, novelist and writer of children's books.
He was born at Old Picacho, New Mexico, the fourth of seven children, and was raised on a small farm near Mesilla, New Mexico. He graduated from Las Cruces High School in 1972. That fall, he entered St. Thomas Seminary in Denver, Colorado where he received a B.A. degree in Humanities and Philosophy in 1977. He studied Theology at the University of Louvain in Leuven, Belgium from 1977 to 1981. He was a priest for a few years in El Paso, Texas before leaving the order.
In 1985, he returned to school, and studied English and Creative Writing at the University of Texas at El Paso where he earned an M.A. degree in Creative Writing. He then spent a year at the University of Iowa as a PhD student in American Literature. A year later, he was awarded a Wallace E. Stegner fellowship. While at Stanford University under the guidance of Denise Levertov, he completed his first book of poems, Calendar of Dust, which won an American Book Award in 1992. He entered the Ph.D. program at Stanford and continued his studies for two more years. Before completing his Ph.D., he moved back to the border and began teaching at the University of Texas at El Paso in the bilingual MFA program.
His first novel, Carry Me Like Water was a saga that brought together the Victorian novel and the Latin American tradition of magic realism and received much critical attention.
In The Book of What Remains (Copper Canyon Press, 2010), his fifth book of poems, he writes to the core truth of life's ever-shifting memories. Set along the Mexican border, the contrast between the desert's austere beauty and the brutality of border politics mirrors humanity's capacity for both generosity and cruelty.
In 2005, he curated a show of photographs by Julian Cardona.
He continues to teach in the Creative Writing Department at the University of Texas at El Paso.
He was born at Old Picacho, New Mexico, the fourth of seven children, and was raised on a small farm near Mesilla, New Mexico. He graduated from Las Cruces High School in 1972. That fall, he entered St. Thomas Seminary in Denver, Colorado where he received a B.A. degree in Humanities and Philosophy in 1977. He studied Theology at the University of Louvain in Leuven, Belgium from 1977 to 1981. He was a priest for a few years in El Paso, Texas before leaving the order.
In 1985, he returned to school, and studied English and Creative Writing at the University of Texas at El Paso where he earned an M.A. degree in Creative Writing. He then spent a year at the University of Iowa as a PhD student in American Literature. A year later, he was awarded a Wallace E. Stegner fellowship. While at Stanford University under the guidance of Denise Levertov, he completed his first book of poems, Calendar of Dust, which won an American Book Award in 1992. He entered the Ph.D. program at Stanford and continued his studies for two more years. Before completing his Ph.D., he moved back to the border and began teaching at the University of Texas at El Paso in the bilingual MFA program.
His first novel, Carry Me Like Water was a saga that brought together the Victorian novel and the Latin American tradition of magic realism and received much critical attention.
In The Book of What Remains (Copper Canyon Press, 2010), his fifth book of poems, he writes to the core truth of life's ever-shifting memories. Set along the Mexican border, the contrast between the desert's austere beauty and the brutality of border politics mirrors humanity's capacity for both generosity and cruelty.
In 2005, he curated a show of photographs by Julian Cardona.
He continues to teach in the Creative Writing Department at the University of Texas at El Paso.
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January 26, 2016
Posted at Shelf Inflicted
Zach is a high school senior. He is also an alcoholic. His mom is depressed, his dad is an alcoholic, and his brother is abusive. Zach has so much pain in his young life that he blocks out the events that led to his stay in rehab.
With the help of a kind and sympathetic therapist, and his roommates, Rafael, a 53-year-old alcoholic further along in his recovery, and Sharkey, a 27-year-old drug addict, Zach begins to confront his past and discovers that life is worth living.
I connected deeply with Zach and his rehab companions. There were a lot of tears, anger and fear while Zach made strides in his recovery. He develops a strong bond with Rafael and learns that he can trust and love again. It was so easy to get wrapped up in Zach’s life and the lives of his rehab companions as they reveal their painful and heartbreaking stories.
This beautifully written, powerful story is one of the best I’ve read this year. It made me cry buckets, but I’m happy Zach has a chance for recovery, hope, and a new beginning.
Zach is a high school senior. He is also an alcoholic. His mom is depressed, his dad is an alcoholic, and his brother is abusive. Zach has so much pain in his young life that he blocks out the events that led to his stay in rehab.
With the help of a kind and sympathetic therapist, and his roommates, Rafael, a 53-year-old alcoholic further along in his recovery, and Sharkey, a 27-year-old drug addict, Zach begins to confront his past and discovers that life is worth living.
I connected deeply with Zach and his rehab companions. There were a lot of tears, anger and fear while Zach made strides in his recovery. He develops a strong bond with Rafael and learns that he can trust and love again. It was so easy to get wrapped up in Zach’s life and the lives of his rehab companions as they reveal their painful and heartbreaking stories.
“I’ve lived eighteen years in a season called sadness where the weather never changed. I guess I believed it was the only season I deserved. I don’t know how but something started to happen. Something around me. Something inside me. Something beautiful. Something really, really, beautiful.”
This beautifully written, powerful story is one of the best I’ve read this year. It made me cry buckets, but I’m happy Zach has a chance for recovery, hope, and a new beginning.
June 4, 2017
“The heart can get really cold if all you've known is winter.”
This is my favourite book of 2017. I know, it's only been a month and maybe I should add a "so far" but I doubt that there will be a book anytime soon, that will wreck me in such a beautiful way.
You probably heard of Benjamin Alire Saénz. You might have read Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe. You loved it. I did, too. But this was even better.
Last Night I Sang to the Monster is deeply moving. It tells Zach's story, Zach who attends therapy every day, who doesn't remember how he even got here, who doesn't know what happened before or why he is where he is. He knows he doesn't want to talk, he's hurting and someone has written sad on his heart when he was born.
I picked this book up last night, I put a song on repeat, I read and I read and I finished it at half past one, with wet eyes and and an aching heart and a smile on my face.
I love this book.
In a nutshell: It's one highly emotional and underrated novel and you should read it immediately because you're missing out on something amazing.
Find more of my books on Instagram
This is my favourite book of 2017. I know, it's only been a month and maybe I should add a "so far" but I doubt that there will be a book anytime soon, that will wreck me in such a beautiful way.
You probably heard of Benjamin Alire Saénz. You might have read Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe. You loved it. I did, too. But this was even better.
Last Night I Sang to the Monster is deeply moving. It tells Zach's story, Zach who attends therapy every day, who doesn't remember how he even got here, who doesn't know what happened before or why he is where he is. He knows he doesn't want to talk, he's hurting and someone has written sad on his heart when he was born.
I picked this book up last night, I put a song on repeat, I read and I read and I finished it at half past one, with wet eyes and and an aching heart and a smile on my face.
I love this book.
In a nutshell: It's one highly emotional and underrated novel and you should read it immediately because you're missing out on something amazing.
Find more of my books on Instagram
October 21, 2017
"El corazón puede endurecerse mucho si lo único que conoce es el frío de la noche".
Leer lo que Benjamin Alire Sáenz escribe está muy alto en la lista de mis cosas favoritas. No sé cómo lo hace, pero cada una de sus palabras me llega muy hondo. A decir verdad, no sabía que existía este libro hasta que estuvo en mis manos... ¡y menos mal no lo dejé en mi biblioteca mucho tiempo! La historia con la que me encontré en Canción Nocturna fue absolutamente preciosa y desgarradora.
Zach, un chico joven, ha llegado a un lugar al que personas con adicciones y enfermedades mentales van voluntariamente para recuperarse. El problema es que Zach no recuerda cómo llegó allí. No quiere recordarlo porque sabe que un gran trauma se oculta detrás de esos pensamientos que ha enterrado en el fondo de su cabeza. Pero hay cosas que Zach sí que sabe y es que tiene un problema con el alcohol, los cigarrillos, la depresión y los sentimientos.
Con cada página que pasa, Benjamin Alire nos va presentando lentamente a Zach, pequeños recuerdos de su pasado y las cosas que lo atormentan en el presente. Si bien todo el libro está atravesado por un estilo medianamente poético y lírico, no hay ningún momento en el que algo se sienta recargado. Y, de hecho, creo que este recurso nos acerca muchísimo más a quién es Zach y a todo de lo que está huyendo.
Canción Nocturna no es un libro ligero y lleno de felicidad; es un libro que retrata los rincones más oscuros de la mente de una persona, los agujeros negros que son las adicciones, la depresión que va comiéndose lentamente a una persona y los miedos a enfrentar aquello que nos ha hecho daño en el pasado.
Si no hubiera leído Canción Nocturna exclusivamente fuera de mi casa, créanme que habría llorado un montón. Este es de esos libros que se sienten reales y hacen que pienses en muchísimas cosas de tu propia vida, cosas por las que has pasado, pensamientos que has tenido, sentimientos que quieres olvidar... todo está allí.
Mientras leía, lo único que quería era sacar a Zach del libro y darle un abrazo. Era imposible no querer proteger a este chico del secreto oscuro que se lo estaba comiendo vivo y del miedo constante con el que vivía. Además, sentí que Zach me representaba en muchísimos aspectos que son difíciles de admitir, pero que siempre están acechándote no importa cuántas barreras y muros construyas.
Con Canción Nocturna, Benjamin Alire crea una historia llena de soledad, demonios y luchas personales, pero también crea una historia de amistad, redescubrimiento, perdón y amor. Zach, Adam y Rafael están allí para recordarnos que la vida puede ser una mierda, pero que siempre hay una manera de dar un paso hacia adelante y superar poco a poco las situaciones; están allí para recordarnos que la soledad no va a acabar con nosotros; para decirnos que es mejor sentir dolor por haberse arriesgado a amar que no sentir absolutamente nada; y están allí porque están mal pero dispuestos a dejar atrás el miedo y los demonios que no les permiten recordar y sentir nuevamente.
"—¿Estás bien, Zach?
No. No lo estoy.
No sé qué significa estar bien. Nunca lo he sabido y quizá nunca lo sabré.
«Bien» es solo una palabra que uso para no tener que hablar de lo que traigo dentro".
Leer lo que Benjamin Alire Sáenz escribe está muy alto en la lista de mis cosas favoritas. No sé cómo lo hace, pero cada una de sus palabras me llega muy hondo. A decir verdad, no sabía que existía este libro hasta que estuvo en mis manos... ¡y menos mal no lo dejé en mi biblioteca mucho tiempo! La historia con la que me encontré en Canción Nocturna fue absolutamente preciosa y desgarradora.
Zach, un chico joven, ha llegado a un lugar al que personas con adicciones y enfermedades mentales van voluntariamente para recuperarse. El problema es que Zach no recuerda cómo llegó allí. No quiere recordarlo porque sabe que un gran trauma se oculta detrás de esos pensamientos que ha enterrado en el fondo de su cabeza. Pero hay cosas que Zach sí que sabe y es que tiene un problema con el alcohol, los cigarrillos, la depresión y los sentimientos.
Con cada página que pasa, Benjamin Alire nos va presentando lentamente a Zach, pequeños recuerdos de su pasado y las cosas que lo atormentan en el presente. Si bien todo el libro está atravesado por un estilo medianamente poético y lírico, no hay ningún momento en el que algo se sienta recargado. Y, de hecho, creo que este recurso nos acerca muchísimo más a quién es Zach y a todo de lo que está huyendo.
Canción Nocturna no es un libro ligero y lleno de felicidad; es un libro que retrata los rincones más oscuros de la mente de una persona, los agujeros negros que son las adicciones, la depresión que va comiéndose lentamente a una persona y los miedos a enfrentar aquello que nos ha hecho daño en el pasado.
Si no hubiera leído Canción Nocturna exclusivamente fuera de mi casa, créanme que habría llorado un montón. Este es de esos libros que se sienten reales y hacen que pienses en muchísimas cosas de tu propia vida, cosas por las que has pasado, pensamientos que has tenido, sentimientos que quieres olvidar... todo está allí.
Mientras leía, lo único que quería era sacar a Zach del libro y darle un abrazo. Era imposible no querer proteger a este chico del secreto oscuro que se lo estaba comiendo vivo y del miedo constante con el que vivía. Además, sentí que Zach me representaba en muchísimos aspectos que son difíciles de admitir, pero que siempre están acechándote no importa cuántas barreras y muros construyas.
Con Canción Nocturna, Benjamin Alire crea una historia llena de soledad, demonios y luchas personales, pero también crea una historia de amistad, redescubrimiento, perdón y amor. Zach, Adam y Rafael están allí para recordarnos que la vida puede ser una mierda, pero que siempre hay una manera de dar un paso hacia adelante y superar poco a poco las situaciones; están allí para recordarnos que la soledad no va a acabar con nosotros; para decirnos que es mejor sentir dolor por haberse arriesgado a amar que no sentir absolutamente nada; y están allí porque están mal pero dispuestos a dejar atrás el miedo y los demonios que no les permiten recordar y sentir nuevamente.
"—¿Estás bien, Zach?
No. No lo estoy.
No sé qué significa estar bien. Nunca lo he sabido y quizá nunca lo sabré.
«Bien» es solo una palabra que uso para no tener que hablar de lo que traigo dentro".
August 11, 2021
This book is just so fucking good, it didn’t completely hold it’s five star status upon reread but it’s still a brilliant novel
February 9, 2023
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Heartbreaking, moving, and ultimately uplifting Last Night I Sang to the Monster is my favourite novel by Sáenz. While this novel explores themes and issues that are recurrent in Sáenz’s oeuvre, Last Night I Sang to the Monster is much darker and, quite frankly, more depressing than his other books. But, if you’ve read anything by Sáenz you know that he never sensationalises ‘difficult’ subject matters nor is he superficial in the way he handles ‘hard’ topics. Sáenz’s empathy and understanding of his characters always shine through. This compassion, tenderness even, that he shows towards them is catching so that within a couple of pages I find myself growing just as attached to his characters as he is.
Last Night I Sang to the Monster follows Zach, an alcoholic eighteen-year-old Mexican-American boy who is in rehab. We don’t know exactly the events that led to his being there but as the narrative progresses, the picture that emerges of his family life is certainly not a happy one (his father, an alcoholic, his mother, severely depressed, his older brother, abusive).
At first, Zach is unwilling and unable to discuss his past, and he finds it difficult to open up to his therapist or his fellow patients. He eventually grows close to Rafael, an older man who understands Zach’s sorrow.
I always admire how Sáenz writes dysfunctional families without vilifying or condoning neglectful parents. Here, like in many other novels by him, father-like figures play a central role in the main character’s arc. With Rafael’s support, Zach’s is able to begin his slow healing process which will see him confronting the events that led to him being in rehab. While his silences initially protected him from being hurt further, eventually, they became debilitating, alienating him from others and his causing him to retreat inward.
Zach’s damaged sense of self-worth, which results in a lot of self-loathing, is not easy to read. Yet, Sáenz's conversational prose is really easy to read. This style also lends authenticity to Zach’s voice, making it seem as if we truly are in his head. Sáenz has a great ear and his dialogues reflect that. The realistic rhythm of the characters' conversations makes their interactions all the more vivid and 'real'.
Throughout the course of the narrative, Sáenz navigates loneliness, trauma, grief, acceptance, and belonging. Zach’s struggles are rendered with clarity and kindness, and so are those of the people around him.
There is no denying that Last Night I Sang to the Monster is a difficult and sad read. Yet, the relationships Zach forms with the other patients, as well as his personal arc, resulting in an incredibly rewarding reading experience.
“I'm thinking I could spend the rest of my life becoming an expert at forgetting.”
Heartbreaking, moving, and ultimately uplifting Last Night I Sang to the Monster is my favourite novel by Sáenz. While this novel explores themes and issues that are recurrent in Sáenz’s oeuvre, Last Night I Sang to the Monster is much darker and, quite frankly, more depressing than his other books. But, if you’ve read anything by Sáenz you know that he never sensationalises ‘difficult’ subject matters nor is he superficial in the way he handles ‘hard’ topics. Sáenz’s empathy and understanding of his characters always shine through. This compassion, tenderness even, that he shows towards them is catching so that within a couple of pages I find myself growing just as attached to his characters as he is.
Last Night I Sang to the Monster follows Zach, an alcoholic eighteen-year-old Mexican-American boy who is in rehab. We don’t know exactly the events that led to his being there but as the narrative progresses, the picture that emerges of his family life is certainly not a happy one (his father, an alcoholic, his mother, severely depressed, his older brother, abusive).
At first, Zach is unwilling and unable to discuss his past, and he finds it difficult to open up to his therapist or his fellow patients. He eventually grows close to Rafael, an older man who understands Zach’s sorrow.
I always admire how Sáenz writes dysfunctional families without vilifying or condoning neglectful parents. Here, like in many other novels by him, father-like figures play a central role in the main character’s arc. With Rafael’s support, Zach’s is able to begin his slow healing process which will see him confronting the events that led to him being in rehab. While his silences initially protected him from being hurt further, eventually, they became debilitating, alienating him from others and his causing him to retreat inward.
Zach’s damaged sense of self-worth, which results in a lot of self-loathing, is not easy to read. Yet, Sáenz's conversational prose is really easy to read. This style also lends authenticity to Zach’s voice, making it seem as if we truly are in his head. Sáenz has a great ear and his dialogues reflect that. The realistic rhythm of the characters' conversations makes their interactions all the more vivid and 'real'.
Throughout the course of the narrative, Sáenz navigates loneliness, trauma, grief, acceptance, and belonging. Zach’s struggles are rendered with clarity and kindness, and so are those of the people around him.
There is no denying that Last Night I Sang to the Monster is a difficult and sad read. Yet, the relationships Zach forms with the other patients, as well as his personal arc, resulting in an incredibly rewarding reading experience.
February 19, 2019
از متن کتاب:
"اگر خودم را خوب بشناسم، متوجه خواهم شد که در واقع یک موجود کثیفِ چندش آورِ کثافت هستم. اگر قلبم فاسد شده و گندیده باشد چه؟! آن وقت چه کار کنم؟ فقط این را به من بگویید.
اکثر مواقع این احساس را دارم که من یک حیوان در بدنِ یک پسرِ هجده ساله هستم. حداقل امیدوارم که شاید یک گرگ صحرایی باشم.
گرگ هایِ صحرایی دوست داشتنی هستند.
اما مردم نه.
مردم،دوست داشتنی نیستند. این آن رازی است که هیچ کس نمی خواهد درباره اش صحبت کند"
زَک بخاطر یه سری اتفاقای تلخی که تو زندگیش داشته، دچار افسردگی و اعتیاد به الکل و کوکایین شده و تو آسایشگاه روانی بستریه. از جلسات رواندرمانی گروهی و خصوصی ای که باید توش شرکت کنه متنفره! چون باید از اتفاقای بدی که از سر گذروندن یا از تغییراتی که الان حس میکنن صحبت کنن، اما زک از به یاد آوردن ، احساس کردن و حرف زدن وحشت داره، تا مدتها تلاش روان درمان و دوستاش برای به حرف آوردنش، ناموفقه! راوی رمان خود زَکه. کشمکش های درونیش، مکالمه هایی که تو ذهنش با خودش و بقیه داره، اینکه بقول خودش داره با هیولاهای درونی و بیرونی دست و پنجه نرم میکنه، بشدت خوندنی و جذابن! (و صد البته ملموس)
شروع رمان هم عالیه😂 :
"بعضی از مردم سگ دارند. من نه. من یک مشاور روان شناس دارم. اسمش آدام است؛ اما ترجیح می دهم به جای او یک سگ داشته باشم. "
این کتابو پارسال خوندم فک کنم، الان که داشتم تو گودریدز ول میچرخیدم، متوجه شدم هیچکدوم از فرندای گودریدزیم نخوندنش! ریویوی فارسی هم ازش ندیدم!
خلاصه که " دیشب آواز خواندم" رو بشدت پیشنهاد میکنم :)
"اگر خودم را خوب بشناسم، متوجه خواهم شد که در واقع یک موجود کثیفِ چندش آورِ کثافت هستم. اگر قلبم فاسد شده و گندیده باشد چه؟! آن وقت چه کار کنم؟ فقط این را به من بگویید.
اکثر مواقع این احساس را دارم که من یک حیوان در بدنِ یک پسرِ هجده ساله هستم. حداقل امیدوارم که شاید یک گرگ صحرایی باشم.
گرگ هایِ صحرایی دوست داشتنی هستند.
اما مردم نه.
مردم،دوست داشتنی نیستند. این آن رازی است که هیچ کس نمی خواهد درباره اش صحبت کند"
زَک بخاطر یه سری اتفاقای تلخی که تو زندگیش داشته، دچار افسردگی و اعتیاد به الکل و کوکایین شده و تو آسایشگاه روانی بستریه. از جلسات رواندرمانی گروهی و خصوصی ای که باید توش شرکت کنه متنفره! چون باید از اتفاقای بدی که از سر گذروندن یا از تغییراتی که الان حس میکنن صحبت کنن، اما زک از به یاد آوردن ، احساس کردن و حرف زدن وحشت داره، تا مدتها تلاش روان درمان و دوستاش برای به حرف آوردنش، ناموفقه! راوی رمان خود زَکه. کشمکش های درونیش، مکالمه هایی که تو ذهنش با خودش و بقیه داره، اینکه بقول خودش داره با هیولاهای درونی و بیرونی دست و پنجه نرم میکنه، بشدت خوندنی و جذابن! (و صد البته ملموس)
شروع رمان هم عالیه😂 :
"بعضی از مردم سگ دارند. من نه. من یک مشاور روان شناس دارم. اسمش آدام است؛ اما ترجیح می دهم به جای او یک سگ داشته باشم. "
این کتابو پارسال خوندم فک کنم، الان که داشتم تو گودریدز ول میچرخیدم، متوجه شدم هیچکدوم از فرندای گودریدزیم نخوندنش! ریویوی فارسی هم ازش ندیدم!
خلاصه که " دیشب آواز خواندم" رو بشدت پیشنهاد میکنم :)
May 10, 2010
This was a very dark, depressing, disturbing book. Yet, it was also beautiful and bittersweet.
Zach finds himself in a rehabilitation facility with no memory of his past. He struggles with the monster living in his dreams and inhabiting his thoughts. There are people that help him though - like his therapist Adam, who is always the optimist, and his roommate Rafael, a 53-year-old man with the eyes of a young boy. Through his time at the treatment center he tries to conquer his isolation and vanquish his fear of the monster.
Interestingly enough, the author of this book is also a poet. Saenz's writing was very unique - it flowed like effortless poetry rendered into prose, and each page carried great thought and meaning. Zach's story was so, so sad, but there's enough hope in the book to keep readers flipping the pages.
Sometimes there was a bit too much metaphor and thought though - a few of Zack's mental wanderings could have been trimmed. There were a few dull moments here and there, but nothing too boring.
A very melancholy novel with an ultimately uplifting message about alcoholism and self-esteem.
Zach finds himself in a rehabilitation facility with no memory of his past. He struggles with the monster living in his dreams and inhabiting his thoughts. There are people that help him though - like his therapist Adam, who is always the optimist, and his roommate Rafael, a 53-year-old man with the eyes of a young boy. Through his time at the treatment center he tries to conquer his isolation and vanquish his fear of the monster.
Interestingly enough, the author of this book is also a poet. Saenz's writing was very unique - it flowed like effortless poetry rendered into prose, and each page carried great thought and meaning. Zach's story was so, so sad, but there's enough hope in the book to keep readers flipping the pages.
Sometimes there was a bit too much metaphor and thought though - a few of Zack's mental wanderings could have been trimmed. There were a few dull moments here and there, but nothing too boring.
A very melancholy novel with an ultimately uplifting message about alcoholism and self-esteem.
May 5, 2011
I wont give a summary of this book, because that's clearly been done about a hundred times below. What I will do, is tell you what I thought of it.
Anyone who has given this book a high rating clearly has no understanding of addiction or teenagers. The language in this book is tedious and obviously contrived. He uses the same expressions over and over in an effort to sound young, or cool, or edgy, but it mostly just comes off as obnoxious. If I had to guess, the author writes "That really tears me up" about 100 times in this book.
The plot drags and drags. We don't even find out what the character went through that was so awful until about the last 20 pages of an over 200 page book. To top it off, all the characters that the main character interacts with come off as mildly child-molestery. I think the author is trying to create sympathetic adult characters that care, but the way that he wrote them, I just kept waiting for one of them to stick their hand down his pants. It was unsettling.
I don't recommend this book.
Anyone who has given this book a high rating clearly has no understanding of addiction or teenagers. The language in this book is tedious and obviously contrived. He uses the same expressions over and over in an effort to sound young, or cool, or edgy, but it mostly just comes off as obnoxious. If I had to guess, the author writes "That really tears me up" about 100 times in this book.
The plot drags and drags. We don't even find out what the character went through that was so awful until about the last 20 pages of an over 200 page book. To top it off, all the characters that the main character interacts with come off as mildly child-molestery. I think the author is trying to create sympathetic adult characters that care, but the way that he wrote them, I just kept waiting for one of them to stick their hand down his pants. It was unsettling.
I don't recommend this book.
April 6, 2017
Benjamin Alire Sáenz es, sin duda alguna, uno de mis autores favoritos, y aunque es difícil saberlo, porque a lo largo de la vida elegir libros y autores favoritos puede ser difícil y complejo, lo sé. Mejor dicho, lo siento. Cada que leo sus palabras e historias vuelvo a un lugar dentro de mi que me hace sentir demasiado.
Este libro nos habla de la historia de Zach, un chico con problemas familiares y adicciones, que no sabe como llego a un centro de AA (Alcohólicos anónimos) , que fue lo llevo ahí y por qué parece que cada día su vida deja de avanzar y un monstruo lo arrastra para devorarlo.
Con personajes con problemas y traumas bastante serios, el autor no hace viajar por los miedos de muchos de ellos, y aunque en algunas situaciones es bastante repetitivo, puedo asegurar que no se vuelve tedioso ni pesado de leer. Los personajes se sienten reales y sientes todo el dolor por el que están pasando por la forma en la que Benjamin narra los sucesos. Crear personajes como estos puede parecer fácil, pero es una batalla constantes con los fantasmas del pasado de aquellos que los crean.
Creados de guerras, de batallas perdidas, de complejidades personales, los personajes en este libro son de lo que más rescato.
La historia no es orignial ni diferente a otras que podamos conocer, pero sé que mucho de lo que tenemos en este libro es rescatado por la pluma del autor y las hermosas imágenes que crea.
Soy de las personas que les gusta las cosas tristes. Este es un libro muy muy muy triste que con sólo leer el inicio sabrás que tu corazón se romperá en pedazos durante el transcurso de superación, o no, de los personajes.
Bejamin lo ha vuelto a hacer, y probablemente lo seguirá haciendo. Siempre toca esas fibras que nadie hace. Me provoca escribir en el libro como si fuera una libreta de anotaciones personales. También los llantos de lectores sensibles no quedaran atrás en este libro.
Pensé demasiado en ponerle cuatro estrellas por algunos detalles que no me gustaron. Como información innecesaria o personajes irrelevantes, pero le dejo las 5 porque es Benjamin, por la ambientación de tristeza que presenta, porque se mantiene fiel a su estilo, por Rafael y porque me hizo saber que está escrito en mi corazón.
Este libro nos habla de la historia de Zach, un chico con problemas familiares y adicciones, que no sabe como llego a un centro de AA (Alcohólicos anónimos) , que fue lo llevo ahí y por qué parece que cada día su vida deja de avanzar y un monstruo lo arrastra para devorarlo.
Con personajes con problemas y traumas bastante serios, el autor no hace viajar por los miedos de muchos de ellos, y aunque en algunas situaciones es bastante repetitivo, puedo asegurar que no se vuelve tedioso ni pesado de leer. Los personajes se sienten reales y sientes todo el dolor por el que están pasando por la forma en la que Benjamin narra los sucesos. Crear personajes como estos puede parecer fácil, pero es una batalla constantes con los fantasmas del pasado de aquellos que los crean.
Creados de guerras, de batallas perdidas, de complejidades personales, los personajes en este libro son de lo que más rescato.
La historia no es orignial ni diferente a otras que podamos conocer, pero sé que mucho de lo que tenemos en este libro es rescatado por la pluma del autor y las hermosas imágenes que crea.
Soy de las personas que les gusta las cosas tristes. Este es un libro muy muy muy triste que con sólo leer el inicio sabrás que tu corazón se romperá en pedazos durante el transcurso de superación, o no, de los personajes.
Bejamin lo ha vuelto a hacer, y probablemente lo seguirá haciendo. Siempre toca esas fibras que nadie hace. Me provoca escribir en el libro como si fuera una libreta de anotaciones personales. También los llantos de lectores sensibles no quedaran atrás en este libro.
Pensé demasiado en ponerle cuatro estrellas por algunos detalles que no me gustaron. Como información innecesaria o personajes irrelevantes, pero le dejo las 5 porque es Benjamin, por la ambientación de tristeza que presenta, porque se mantiene fiel a su estilo, por Rafael y porque me hizo saber que está escrito en mi corazón.
December 22, 2015
I found this to be a little too simplistic for me. A lot of the dialogue felt repetitive, and it wasn't until near the ending that I learned what had happened to the main character. While this may not be a bad thing, it felt like much of the story was "filler" until I got there. Might be a better read for a younger person.
March 17, 2019
No sabia si ponerle las 5 estrellas pero ya fue. Me encantó.
Reseña en el Wrap Up de Febrero 2019: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HEn3...
Reseña en el Wrap Up de Febrero 2019: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HEn3...
July 7, 2018
4.5 / 5
Trigger warnings up the wazoo with this one, and this is one of those ones that I can't say that I "enjoyed" as much as I can say that I thought it was masterfully crafted. After reading Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe and being rather meh about it, I was unsure how I'd feel about this book. However, someone who went through rehab that I trust recommended it, so I downloaded it and checked it out.
And...this story made me feel a lot. While I haven't ever had a drug or alcohol addiction, I have had addictions of other legal and less harmful varieties and have felt very low and have dealt with some pretty crazy shit. Zachary starts off very apathetic/depressed but is gradually able to move beyond that by eventually recognize his love for others and their love and regard for him. Recognizing, accepting and acknowledging love is one thing I've often had difficulty with in my own life, especially when in the deepest depths of feeling low, so I felt like on some level I could empathize with him. I've also had a difficult year, but for other reasons than Zack. Sometimes, like him, I just needed to cry and cry and cry and nothing really ever felt better but having gone through shitty things before at least I knew that things could and would with time. I might not get the main character in his entirety but I did feel like there were lots of points to latch onto and use as points to relate and empathize with him.
Trigger warnings up the wazoo with this one, and this is one of those ones that I can't say that I "enjoyed" as much as I can say that I thought it was masterfully crafted. After reading Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe and being rather meh about it, I was unsure how I'd feel about this book. However, someone who went through rehab that I trust recommended it, so I downloaded it and checked it out.
And...this story made me feel a lot. While I haven't ever had a drug or alcohol addiction, I have had addictions of other legal and less harmful varieties and have felt very low and have dealt with some pretty crazy shit. Zachary starts off very apathetic/depressed but is gradually able to move beyond that by eventually recognize his love for others and their love and regard for him. Recognizing, accepting and acknowledging love is one thing I've often had difficulty with in my own life, especially when in the deepest depths of feeling low, so I felt like on some level I could empathize with him. I've also had a difficult year, but for other reasons than Zack. Sometimes, like him, I just needed to cry and cry and cry and nothing really ever felt better but having gone through shitty things before at least I knew that things could and would with time. I might not get the main character in his entirety but I did feel like there were lots of points to latch onto and use as points to relate and empathize with him.
May 22, 2018
Noséquedeciralrespecto
Tengo que meditarlo
Supo meterse en mis sentimientos & emociones, & en partes me sentía tan identificada con Zach, día a día peleo con mis propios monstruos, no los dejo que controlen mi vida, es una batalla agotadora,leerlo, de esa forma tan sutil, a veces dolía, me hacía recordar el dolor que da la depresión, el vértigo de la ansiedad..el estrés de no querer recordar, de no valorarte..
& ese final T.T es tan hermoso
el contraste de vivir aceptando el dolor y dejarlo pasar, en vez de aferrarte a el.
Al final todos merecemos felicidad completos, rotos, dañados, descompuestos,fragmentado, merecemos amor y paz mental..
Tengo que meditarlo
Supo meterse en mis sentimientos & emociones, & en partes me sentía tan identificada con Zach, día a día peleo con mis propios monstruos, no los dejo que controlen mi vida, es una batalla agotadora,leerlo, de esa forma tan sutil, a veces dolía, me hacía recordar el dolor que da la depresión, el vértigo de la ansiedad..el estrés de no querer recordar, de no valorarte..
& ese final T.T es tan hermoso
el contraste de vivir aceptando el dolor y dejarlo pasar, en vez de aferrarte a el.
Al final todos merecemos felicidad completos, rotos, dañados, descompuestos,fragmentado, merecemos amor y paz mental..
August 5, 2018
4.5/5 stars
Once again, Benjamin Alire Sáenz has rendered me speechless with another beautiful and touching story. His writing is not only full of powerful images and is profoundly poetic, but it also seems to captures feelings and emotions that can't be explained with literal prose. This was a very raw and quite heavy exploration of alchohilsm in a teenager and his experience inside a mental health facility. Even though I've never experienced what Zach has, this book was written in such a way that it perfectly captures the feelings of anxiety, lack of identity, loneliness and self discovery that everyone can realte to in some capacity. This was definitely not the most fun book series because of the harsh subject matter, but it also wasn't all darkness as it had very hopeful and heartwarming moments as well.
Zach is only eighteen, but he’s not spending his time at high school like the other teens his age. Instead, Zach is at a rehab facility because he’s an alcoholic. He can’t quite remember the chain of events that led him to rehab and he’s not sure if he ever wants to remember, remembering means so much more pain. Zach has the idea that God decides how ever is, and God decided that he would be sad. Sad and lonely. He doesn’t want to talk to his therapist, his roommate is so nice but Zach doesn’t really want to talk to him about anything important either. Everyone has an opinion on how he should live his life, but in reality, he has to figure it out for himself.
I really hate my attempt at trying to describe this book, so really take that synopsis with a grain of salt. This book is so much more meaningful and beautiful than I could possibly describe. It’s not about action or major exciting conflicts, but more about an emotional journey for Zach and the other characters we meet along the way. I thought this book was so unbelievably gorgeous! It was heart-wrenching, raw and touching. I used to read (and love) hard-hitting young adult books a lot but I’ve taken quite a long break from them. This book has made me realise how much I actually love these more emotional, mature YA books with quite serious themes.
I also feel like I’d forgotten how much I loved this author’s storytelling. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe is one of the most beautifully written, touching and heartwarming books I’ve ever read, a definite favourite. That’s why I have absolutely not idea why I didn’t read more from this author. I’m so happy that I’ve finally changed that because this book was unforgettable. The storytelling was done perfectly as Zach’s past and present fused together perfectly. I think it progressed in such an effortless and natural way which is why I think it was so fantastically executed. Yes, there were times I was frustrated with Zach. But there were also times when I just wanted to hug him and I felt so proud for him. He slowly got better and felt better about himself and it was in no way unbelievable. I don’t really know how to describe what I am trying to articulate, basically I just really love this author and this story.
I was quite surprised when I first started this book because the writing was so different than the first book I’ve read by this author. I have to admit, it did take some getting used to but I very soon ended up liking it and thinking it was perfect for the book. There were so many times when I read a line that I thought was absolutely perfect. Saenz just seems to articulate things that can’t be said using literal prose. Even though I’m not an alcoholic and haven’t gone through the stuff Zach has, I could still relate and connect to so many lines in the book. I think that’s the real beauty about the writing in this book, it really gets to the core of the coming of age story, regardless of the subject matter.
I think this book is sadly underrated. I really think this is one of the best explorations of alcoholism and therapy in YA and yet so many people haven’t heard of it. Beyond that, this is also just one of the most heartwarming and hopeful books that I’ve read in a long time. Don’t get me wrong, there were also a lot of heartbreaking, sad and frustrating moments at all. Basically this book was just one ball of crazy emotions, but I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. It left me feeling so fulfilled and satisfied, which is all I can ask for in a good book.
“People who have monsters recognize each other. They know each other without even saying a word.”
Once again, Benjamin Alire Sáenz has rendered me speechless with another beautiful and touching story. His writing is not only full of powerful images and is profoundly poetic, but it also seems to captures feelings and emotions that can't be explained with literal prose. This was a very raw and quite heavy exploration of alchohilsm in a teenager and his experience inside a mental health facility. Even though I've never experienced what Zach has, this book was written in such a way that it perfectly captures the feelings of anxiety, lack of identity, loneliness and self discovery that everyone can realte to in some capacity. This was definitely not the most fun book series because of the harsh subject matter, but it also wasn't all darkness as it had very hopeful and heartwarming moments as well.
Zach is only eighteen, but he’s not spending his time at high school like the other teens his age. Instead, Zach is at a rehab facility because he’s an alcoholic. He can’t quite remember the chain of events that led him to rehab and he’s not sure if he ever wants to remember, remembering means so much more pain. Zach has the idea that God decides how ever is, and God decided that he would be sad. Sad and lonely. He doesn’t want to talk to his therapist, his roommate is so nice but Zach doesn’t really want to talk to him about anything important either. Everyone has an opinion on how he should live his life, but in reality, he has to figure it out for himself.
I really hate my attempt at trying to describe this book, so really take that synopsis with a grain of salt. This book is so much more meaningful and beautiful than I could possibly describe. It’s not about action or major exciting conflicts, but more about an emotional journey for Zach and the other characters we meet along the way. I thought this book was so unbelievably gorgeous! It was heart-wrenching, raw and touching. I used to read (and love) hard-hitting young adult books a lot but I’ve taken quite a long break from them. This book has made me realise how much I actually love these more emotional, mature YA books with quite serious themes.
“That’s how I feel. I think God is the wind. It’s all like a game to him. Him. God. And it’s all pretty much random. He takes out his pen and starts writing on our blank hearts. When it came to my turn, he wrote “sad.” I don’t like God very much. Apparently, he doesn’t like me very much either.”
I also feel like I’d forgotten how much I loved this author’s storytelling. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe is one of the most beautifully written, touching and heartwarming books I’ve ever read, a definite favourite. That’s why I have absolutely not idea why I didn’t read more from this author. I’m so happy that I’ve finally changed that because this book was unforgettable. The storytelling was done perfectly as Zach’s past and present fused together perfectly. I think it progressed in such an effortless and natural way which is why I think it was so fantastically executed. Yes, there were times I was frustrated with Zach. But there were also times when I just wanted to hug him and I felt so proud for him. He slowly got better and felt better about himself and it was in no way unbelievable. I don’t really know how to describe what I am trying to articulate, basically I just really love this author and this story.
I was quite surprised when I first started this book because the writing was so different than the first book I’ve read by this author. I have to admit, it did take some getting used to but I very soon ended up liking it and thinking it was perfect for the book. There were so many times when I read a line that I thought was absolutely perfect. Saenz just seems to articulate things that can’t be said using literal prose. Even though I’m not an alcoholic and haven’t gone through the stuff Zach has, I could still relate and connect to so many lines in the book. I think that’s the real beauty about the writing in this book, it really gets to the core of the coming of age story, regardless of the subject matter.
I think this book is sadly underrated. I really think this is one of the best explorations of alcoholism and therapy in YA and yet so many people haven’t heard of it. Beyond that, this is also just one of the most heartwarming and hopeful books that I’ve read in a long time. Don’t get me wrong, there were also a lot of heartbreaking, sad and frustrating moments at all. Basically this book was just one ball of crazy emotions, but I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. It left me feeling so fulfilled and satisfied, which is all I can ask for in a good book.
“All my friends thought I was a very happy human being. Because that's how I acted- like a really happy human being. But all that pretending made me tired. If I acted the way I felt, then I doubt my friends would have really hung out with me. So the pretending wasn't all bad. The pretending made me less lonely. But in another was, it made me more lonely because I felt like a fraud. I've always felt like a fake human being.”
October 1, 2021
I believe this story. I devoured everything in it, although Zach may have excessively used a few expressions–I thought these were part of his personality where he could not fully articulate himself, mainly depending on his private conversations with himself.
While reading it, I was Zach in the story – not that I’m an alcoholic, an addict, or something, but there’s something about his character that resonates with me. The ‘lost me,’ the ‘little boy’ me that may have been looking for some happiness. I dunno, it’s almost depressing to think about those times while I’m writing this review, but yeah, I guess the book is depressing but not in an “I will wallow in this shit and cry myself to sleep” kind of way. I guess what I’m trying to say is that you have a choice to read this book and get all weepy about it or read this, wallow in it but expect that there’s some happy ending waiting for you. I liked that in this book. It’s dark in a way that it shows the reality of people suffering from addiction. There was no sugarcoating the fact that it’s not just about destroying themselves. Still, it’s also about destroying everything around them, but most importantly – something I’ve gathered from experience that it’s a cry for help.
Last Night I Sang to the Monster is evocative prose of a novel that will leave you enthralled with Benjamin Alire Sáenz’s artistry! What a genuinely delightful masterpiece!
Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
While reading it, I was Zach in the story – not that I’m an alcoholic, an addict, or something, but there’s something about his character that resonates with me. The ‘lost me,’ the ‘little boy’ me that may have been looking for some happiness. I dunno, it’s almost depressing to think about those times while I’m writing this review, but yeah, I guess the book is depressing but not in an “I will wallow in this shit and cry myself to sleep” kind of way. I guess what I’m trying to say is that you have a choice to read this book and get all weepy about it or read this, wallow in it but expect that there’s some happy ending waiting for you. I liked that in this book. It’s dark in a way that it shows the reality of people suffering from addiction. There was no sugarcoating the fact that it’s not just about destroying themselves. Still, it’s also about destroying everything around them, but most importantly – something I’ve gathered from experience that it’s a cry for help.
Last Night I Sang to the Monster is evocative prose of a novel that will leave you enthralled with Benjamin Alire Sáenz’s artistry! What a genuinely delightful masterpiece!
Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
June 19, 2021
I reread one of my most favorite YAs ever. I know a lot of people adore Ari & Dante and I love them too, but Zach with his pieces of paper has always a little piece of my heart.
The thing is that I only remember my past life in little pieces. There’s a piece here and there’s another piece over there. There are pieces of paper scattered everywhere on the floor of my brain.
All the pieces of paper I have on the floor of my brain are flying around like birds gone crazy and I’m torn up as hell and I’m running and running and it seems though I’ll be running forever.
I was perfect. That’s how I felt. I felt like I was a perfect human being ... My heart didn’t have all those pieces of paper anymore—it had leaves. A thousand summer leaves.
The thing is that I only remember my past life in little pieces. There’s a piece here and there’s another piece over there. There are pieces of paper scattered everywhere on the floor of my brain.
All the pieces of paper I have on the floor of my brain are flying around like birds gone crazy and I’m torn up as hell and I’m running and running and it seems though I’ll be running forever.
I was perfect. That’s how I felt. I felt like I was a perfect human being ... My heart didn’t have all those pieces of paper anymore—it had leaves. A thousand summer leaves.
November 1, 2010
I have to say that this has quietly become one of my favorite books. The story is about addiction and the walls in one's life that block recovery. It's about trying to forgive in order to live life. I'll admit it was a slow read for awhile, but I think it was a subconscious thing. The danger is that it's too easy to see yourself in the characters that are portrayed and that can be difficult, especially if you've dealt with any kind of recovery in your life. And who hasn't these days?
More than anything, this book is a love story, but not in the traditional sense. It's about loving oneself and loving others. It's also a story of hope. I've never had a book in which made me cry repeatedly for the last quarter of the book. The author did an incredible job of letting the reader into the minds of the characters. More surprisingly, the book was incredibly poetic, again, not in the traditional sense. I vested so much of myself into hoping Zach would overcome his demons and learn to forgive and live life. This will be a book that will resonate with you for some time.
This is not a book for middle schoolers. The language is extreme as is some of the content.
More than anything, this book is a love story, but not in the traditional sense. It's about loving oneself and loving others. It's also a story of hope. I've never had a book in which made me cry repeatedly for the last quarter of the book. The author did an incredible job of letting the reader into the minds of the characters. More surprisingly, the book was incredibly poetic, again, not in the traditional sense. I vested so much of myself into hoping Zach would overcome his demons and learn to forgive and live life. This will be a book that will resonate with you for some time.
This is not a book for middle schoolers. The language is extreme as is some of the content.
January 10, 2018
This book packs an emotional punch that tears right into your heart.
It's an incredibly vivid story that starts off slow and before you know it, has you in its hooks. You start to root for the characters, living along their ups and downs.
It breaks you, and it mends you.
The writing is rough around the edges which only adds to the appeal and atmosphere the further to get into it.
It's an incredibly vivid story that starts off slow and before you know it, has you in its hooks. You start to root for the characters, living along their ups and downs.
It breaks you, and it mends you.
The writing is rough around the edges which only adds to the appeal and atmosphere the further to get into it.
September 5, 2020
No me gusto, quizás es que yo no soy fan de este escritor, quizás es que la historia no me llego, hay muchos quizás pero la verdad es que la historia no me inspiro a nada, no me hizo sentir nada. Si el principal es alcohólico y pasa por cosas malas, pero adivinen, todos pasamos por cosas malas, todos tenemos monstruos.
March 12, 2016
First there was this:
Then, after an intense journey of heart-stretching, mind-opening scenes of pain and love via real, honest and perfectly paced storytelling, there was this:
The ending was a miracle, like a breath of oxygen-rich air after rain.
Edit: ...still thinking about this book, a week later...
The day I returned this book, I gushed to the librarian how spectacular this book was. She inquired, "What's it about?" I stumbled through some ineffectual, inane, bumbling description. Only later, after much thought, I realized what my true answer should have been: love.
Then, after an intense journey of heart-stretching, mind-opening scenes of pain and love via real, honest and perfectly paced storytelling, there was this:
The ending was a miracle, like a breath of oxygen-rich air after rain.
Edit: ...still thinking about this book, a week later...
The day I returned this book, I gushed to the librarian how spectacular this book was. She inquired, "What's it about?" I stumbled through some ineffectual, inane, bumbling description. Only later, after much thought, I realized what my true answer should have been: love.
August 6, 2015
Sáenz did it again. God wrote brilliant on his heart, and this book wrote grateful on mine. I am grateful for this story and for what it taught me.
This book is heartbreakingly underrated, so if you’re doubting whether or not you should give it a go, do it. You won’t regret it.
This book is heartbreakingly underrated, so if you’re doubting whether or not you should give it a go, do it. You won’t regret it.
March 16, 2012
update: I'm a rare 5 star person. It has to be an overall good book with a decent plot, sympathetic characters, unobtrusive language and a satisfying ending. And above all else, it should be believable. This book had it all for me.
As for a satisfying ending, some people like non-endings, like how "The Giver" ended. Some people, like G.R.R. Martin wants everyone dead and long forgotten as time marches on. I, more or less, like happy endings.
And believable, even if its paranormal/mythical, there is that suspension of disbelief that you either have it or you don't.
I'm not big about picking quotes from a book to sum up my thoughts, but this author, just wow. It's between Zach and Adam, the counselor.
Like I said, I almost didn't get past pg. 15. Tiny print, and just a bunch of sadness.
Push through it, and see a boy broken into a million pieces scooped up and slowly reformed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Almost done with this one, and it almost made me late to work today.
Sometimes, a sad book makes you just sad for the world, or sad for yourself. Not this one, and not for me at least.
Don't get me wrong: this is a really heartbreaking book. The sadness is just imbued into each and every conversation with the characters and all the internal dialogue.
While the thing going on with Zach is that he can't remember what happened before he got there, you just know it's so terrible that his body won't let him remember. Very powerfully written and lyrically beautiful, and this is coming from a book reviewer who doesn't like flowery language and forced prose...but this is just..wow.
more to come when I finish today....
As for a satisfying ending, some people like non-endings, like how "The Giver" ended. Some people, like G.R.R. Martin wants everyone dead and long forgotten as time marches on. I, more or less, like happy endings.
And believable, even if its paranormal/mythical, there is that suspension of disbelief that you either have it or you don't.
I'm not big about picking quotes from a book to sum up my thoughts, but this author, just wow. It's between Zach and Adam, the counselor.
"But look, Zach, another part of you lived. You lived, Zach."
"You're crying," I said.
"That happens sometimes," he said.
We both sat there for a long time, not saying anything.
"When Rafael was talking about his son, you cried then too."
"Yeah, I cried."
"Do we hurt you?"
"No. You move me, Zach."
That's a beautiful thing. That's what I wanted to say, but I didn't say that. I didn't say anything.
Like I said, I almost didn't get past pg. 15. Tiny print, and just a bunch of sadness.
Push through it, and see a boy broken into a million pieces scooped up and slowly reformed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Almost done with this one, and it almost made me late to work today.
Sometimes, a sad book makes you just sad for the world, or sad for yourself. Not this one, and not for me at least.
Don't get me wrong: this is a really heartbreaking book. The sadness is just imbued into each and every conversation with the characters and all the internal dialogue.
While the thing going on with Zach is that he can't remember what happened before he got there, you just know it's so terrible that his body won't let him remember. Very powerfully written and lyrically beautiful, and this is coming from a book reviewer who doesn't like flowery language and forced prose...but this is just..wow.
more to come when I finish today....
December 28, 2017
I definitely did not plan on reading this. But from the moment i began it was so well written that it just sort of pulled me in. All i am going to say is that its really different from regular YA in a good way. And i was so pleased with the ending... Anyway basically it really helps me to see what others are going through and how little things can have huge effects and the reasons people may turn to drugs and the like. How important family life and growing up is to the children and where it can lead if not done well. But this book also shows that things can get better with time even when it seems not.
dnf
February 26, 2017DNF @14% (for now)
It's too dark for my mental space right now, maybe some day later.
It's too dark for my mental space right now, maybe some day later.
September 9, 2019
4.5/5
Trigger warning: domestic violence, drug and alcohol abuse, rape and depression.
“I have a new theory", he said, "and the theory is this: if I develop a great capacity for feeling pain, then I am also developing a great capacity for feeling happiness.”
This quote was one of my favorites and it summarizes the book pretty well. Benjamin Alire Sáenz has been one of my favorite authors since I read Aristotle and Dante discover the Secrets of the Universe, and the more I read his novels, the more I love and admire him. He has poured his heart and soul into his books and it shows. And if I may add, I don’t know if it’s just me, but his books came into my life in a moment I needed them.
This one in particular reminded me that everybody has monsters, and we all struggle with things from our past, whether they’re broken relationships with a lover, with family, friends or even with ourselves. I mean, I’m an adult and there are still things I don’t know about myself, because every day I’m growing for better or worse. But Last night I sang to the monster took me to places I tend to avoid because they touched a sensitive vibe in me.
Benjamin writes in a way that it doesn’t matter if you’re 15, 25 or 35, you’re going to get emotional either way. All his characters are too real and especially those who have a big heart, are the ones that had stayed with me ever since. And even when they’re fictional people, I just want to protect them from all the harm in the world.
In here we meet Zach, a young adult who suddenly wakes up in a facility where ill people are gathered. I dare to say it’s a psychiatric hospital where people can go and try to get into a program that would help with their struggles. Some of them are alcohol addicts, other are into drugs, or have anger issues. Consequentially, most of them don’t know how to stop hurting themselves one way or another, but they’re there because they want to get better but don’t know how to start or how to deal with the whole process of living with a mental illness, or how to overcome an addiction and stay sober.
Except for Zach. He doesn’t even know why he is there. He can’t remember what happen before that. And every time he tries, he shuts down.
So, little by little, we get to know his roommates, Rafael and Sharkey; and his doctor, Adam. Rafael is an old man with a smile that can lit up a room, but who has had depression ever since he was a kid; Sharkey, a young man that apparently has it all from his parents, except for love and understanding; and of course, Adam, a doctor that actually cares about Zach and he tries, by all means, to help him understand what happened so he can start healing.
Now, I truly don’t want to spoil the whole thing because I think that going blind with this book might be a better choice. Yet, I think this is an accurate representation of how several things affect not only us but also the people that we love. Unfortunately, most of us don’t know how to express ourselves when we’re hurting, or we simply don’t know how to deal or how to react to problems that are not under our control.
It’s way too easier to pretend that everything is fine, that we have an amazing life, when in reality we have an enormous hole inside us, and so, to fill it up, we find comfort in drugs, alcohol, sex, or abusive relationships.
And I mean, I’ve been there. I truly know what it’s like to feel lost. When I was a teenager I had depression and I tried, by all means, to fill the hole inside me, to feel good enough and worthy. I tried to find love in places that couldn’t even feel it, least give it. I did not love myself back then due to many things, but the fact was that I didn’t understand why I had to be in so much pain. Why couldn’t I be happy? And I mean, how could I? Did I deserve it? Why on earth was I alive if it didn’t matter what I did? I’d still be worthless.
Now I know that there was something inside me that was wrong. That I truly didn’t have friends, only people who took advantage of me. And I blamed myself for everything that was wrong, even if it wasn’t my responsibility or my choice. But now that I’m older, I’ve realized that I’m responsible for my own happiness, my own serenity, and what other people do or don’t do, it’s on them.
I felt a great amount of pain, and I’ve had to deal with loss and grief. I’ve been lied to, I’ve been manipulated, rejected and insulted by my own family; I’ve had terrible relationships that were never meant to last. But still, after all that struggle, now I know better. Now I’m stronger and I know that everything that happens, both good and bad, is temporary. That it is better to go with the flow and accept the things that I cannot change, but still try to get better on the things that I do have control over.
In a few words, this book brought me back to those dark times in my life and it broke my heart once again. I cried, and cried, and cried, to the point that I was like “why can’t I stop? How in the world do I have so many tears inside me?”. And yet, it also gave me hope and a sense of purpose. It reminded me that my story may actually help others.
And perhaps that was the purpose of this book anyway. I’m sure Benjamin is the kind of author that has the ability to see us humans in a raw, real way. That’s why he can write so many characters that we can identify with because we’re both good and bad, and compassionate but harmful too. We, as humans, are dual creatures, and we can survive lots of things, but we can also create chaos and destruction among ourselves. The big question is what we decide to do with our lives, and how we cope up with what’s happening outside our heads.
I absolutely recommend this book but please, be aware that it deals with dark topics like I mentioned in the beginning of this review. Still, it is one of my favorite books from 2019 and despite all the crying, I cannot wait to read his other novels!
Trigger warning: domestic violence, drug and alcohol abuse, rape and depression.
“I have a new theory", he said, "and the theory is this: if I develop a great capacity for feeling pain, then I am also developing a great capacity for feeling happiness.”
This quote was one of my favorites and it summarizes the book pretty well. Benjamin Alire Sáenz has been one of my favorite authors since I read Aristotle and Dante discover the Secrets of the Universe, and the more I read his novels, the more I love and admire him. He has poured his heart and soul into his books and it shows. And if I may add, I don’t know if it’s just me, but his books came into my life in a moment I needed them.
This one in particular reminded me that everybody has monsters, and we all struggle with things from our past, whether they’re broken relationships with a lover, with family, friends or even with ourselves. I mean, I’m an adult and there are still things I don’t know about myself, because every day I’m growing for better or worse. But Last night I sang to the monster took me to places I tend to avoid because they touched a sensitive vibe in me.
Benjamin writes in a way that it doesn’t matter if you’re 15, 25 or 35, you’re going to get emotional either way. All his characters are too real and especially those who have a big heart, are the ones that had stayed with me ever since. And even when they’re fictional people, I just want to protect them from all the harm in the world.
In here we meet Zach, a young adult who suddenly wakes up in a facility where ill people are gathered. I dare to say it’s a psychiatric hospital where people can go and try to get into a program that would help with their struggles. Some of them are alcohol addicts, other are into drugs, or have anger issues. Consequentially, most of them don’t know how to stop hurting themselves one way or another, but they’re there because they want to get better but don’t know how to start or how to deal with the whole process of living with a mental illness, or how to overcome an addiction and stay sober.
Except for Zach. He doesn’t even know why he is there. He can’t remember what happen before that. And every time he tries, he shuts down.
So, little by little, we get to know his roommates, Rafael and Sharkey; and his doctor, Adam. Rafael is an old man with a smile that can lit up a room, but who has had depression ever since he was a kid; Sharkey, a young man that apparently has it all from his parents, except for love and understanding; and of course, Adam, a doctor that actually cares about Zach and he tries, by all means, to help him understand what happened so he can start healing.
Now, I truly don’t want to spoil the whole thing because I think that going blind with this book might be a better choice. Yet, I think this is an accurate representation of how several things affect not only us but also the people that we love. Unfortunately, most of us don’t know how to express ourselves when we’re hurting, or we simply don’t know how to deal or how to react to problems that are not under our control.
It’s way too easier to pretend that everything is fine, that we have an amazing life, when in reality we have an enormous hole inside us, and so, to fill it up, we find comfort in drugs, alcohol, sex, or abusive relationships.
And I mean, I’ve been there. I truly know what it’s like to feel lost. When I was a teenager I had depression and I tried, by all means, to fill the hole inside me, to feel good enough and worthy. I tried to find love in places that couldn’t even feel it, least give it. I did not love myself back then due to many things, but the fact was that I didn’t understand why I had to be in so much pain. Why couldn’t I be happy? And I mean, how could I? Did I deserve it? Why on earth was I alive if it didn’t matter what I did? I’d still be worthless.
Now I know that there was something inside me that was wrong. That I truly didn’t have friends, only people who took advantage of me. And I blamed myself for everything that was wrong, even if it wasn’t my responsibility or my choice. But now that I’m older, I’ve realized that I’m responsible for my own happiness, my own serenity, and what other people do or don’t do, it’s on them.
I felt a great amount of pain, and I’ve had to deal with loss and grief. I’ve been lied to, I’ve been manipulated, rejected and insulted by my own family; I’ve had terrible relationships that were never meant to last. But still, after all that struggle, now I know better. Now I’m stronger and I know that everything that happens, both good and bad, is temporary. That it is better to go with the flow and accept the things that I cannot change, but still try to get better on the things that I do have control over.
In a few words, this book brought me back to those dark times in my life and it broke my heart once again. I cried, and cried, and cried, to the point that I was like “why can’t I stop? How in the world do I have so many tears inside me?”. And yet, it also gave me hope and a sense of purpose. It reminded me that my story may actually help others.
And perhaps that was the purpose of this book anyway. I’m sure Benjamin is the kind of author that has the ability to see us humans in a raw, real way. That’s why he can write so many characters that we can identify with because we’re both good and bad, and compassionate but harmful too. We, as humans, are dual creatures, and we can survive lots of things, but we can also create chaos and destruction among ourselves. The big question is what we decide to do with our lives, and how we cope up with what’s happening outside our heads.
I absolutely recommend this book but please, be aware that it deals with dark topics like I mentioned in the beginning of this review. Still, it is one of my favorite books from 2019 and despite all the crying, I cannot wait to read his other novels!
January 9, 2013
Sorry Judies, I couldn't get myself out of bed to eat, let alone update. These would have been my updates.
__________________________________
"Look," I said, "all I know is that only thing I'm in charge of is Zach."
Adam smiled. "And how are you doing with that?"
"I'm doing a pretty shitty job if you ask me."
I wanted to ask her if she was better. I mean, if she was getting well. I wondered if something changed inside of you. I mean, there was this talk about change all the time and I wondered how anyone would know if they changed. Did it feel different? What would that feel like? It's not as if I could grow wings. It's not as if I could ever fly. It's not as if I could ever be anything beautiful.
And I kept thinking to myself: Some people have dogs. What do I have? I have dreams I don't want to remember. I have two roommates named Rafael and Sharkey. And I have a monster and a therapist named Adam. What happened to me that I couldn't just have a dog like normal people? And I couldn't stop crying.
"Carpets get stains and people get scars," he says.
I shoot him back the same snarky smile. "I'd rather be the carpet," I say.
This is my theory: the people who shouldn't hate themselves, do hate themselves. And the people who should hate themselves, don't hate themselves. The world is all backwards. See, this is one of the many reasons why God and I are not good friends.
"Rafael?"
"Yeah?"
"Do we all have monsters?"
"Yes."
"Why does god give us monsters?"
"You want to know my theory?"
"Sure."
"I think it's other people who give us monsters. Maybe God doesn't have anything to do with it."
There is something inside me that is killing me.
There is something inside me that wants to let whatever is killing me do its job.
I looked at the stars and envied them. God didn't make them feel things.
He turned around and smiled. People were so beautiful when they smiled.
__________________________________
Beautiful. Just so beautiful. :)
__________________________________
"Look," I said, "all I know is that only thing I'm in charge of is Zach."
Adam smiled. "And how are you doing with that?"
"I'm doing a pretty shitty job if you ask me."
I wanted to ask her if she was better. I mean, if she was getting well. I wondered if something changed inside of you. I mean, there was this talk about change all the time and I wondered how anyone would know if they changed. Did it feel different? What would that feel like? It's not as if I could grow wings. It's not as if I could ever fly. It's not as if I could ever be anything beautiful.
And I kept thinking to myself: Some people have dogs. What do I have? I have dreams I don't want to remember. I have two roommates named Rafael and Sharkey. And I have a monster and a therapist named Adam. What happened to me that I couldn't just have a dog like normal people? And I couldn't stop crying.
"Carpets get stains and people get scars," he says.
I shoot him back the same snarky smile. "I'd rather be the carpet," I say.
This is my theory: the people who shouldn't hate themselves, do hate themselves. And the people who should hate themselves, don't hate themselves. The world is all backwards. See, this is one of the many reasons why God and I are not good friends.
"Rafael?"
"Yeah?"
"Do we all have monsters?"
"Yes."
"Why does god give us monsters?"
"You want to know my theory?"
"Sure."
"I think it's other people who give us monsters. Maybe God doesn't have anything to do with it."
There is something inside me that is killing me.
There is something inside me that wants to let whatever is killing me do its job.
I looked at the stars and envied them. God didn't make them feel things.
He turned around and smiled. People were so beautiful when they smiled.
__________________________________
Beautiful. Just so beautiful. :)
April 20, 2021
Lloré horrible con este libro. Literal a cada momento se me salían lágrimas de tristeza y felicidad. Y de eso se trata la historia. De ser triste y feliz, de tener la capacidad de poder sentir tanto y estar vivo.
Ni de lejos tengo o tuve las experiencias y problemas de los personajes, pero sí me pude identificar sobre cómo se sentían y es hermosa la manera en la que evolucionan. Te hacen sentir esperanza sobre vos mismo. Te hacen sentir visto.
Es increíble la manera de escribir del autor, con tanta emoción y crudeza mezcladas, logra un buen balance entre ser simple y compleja. Es como una canción (jeje).
Podría seguir escribiendo sobre la triste hermosura de este libro, pero sería ya muy personal el enfoque. Marqué tantas frases y momentos pero creo que esta describe a la perfección su esencia:
"I knew I wasn´t letting go. I knew I was still living in a small and dark room. But there was a door to the room. And a window. And I could see that there was a sky out there."
Ahora estoy mucho más emocionada por releer Aristóteles y Dante para leer la segunda parte cuando salga!
Ni de lejos tengo o tuve las experiencias y problemas de los personajes, pero sí me pude identificar sobre cómo se sentían y es hermosa la manera en la que evolucionan. Te hacen sentir esperanza sobre vos mismo. Te hacen sentir visto.
Es increíble la manera de escribir del autor, con tanta emoción y crudeza mezcladas, logra un buen balance entre ser simple y compleja. Es como una canción (jeje).
Podría seguir escribiendo sobre la triste hermosura de este libro, pero sería ya muy personal el enfoque. Marqué tantas frases y momentos pero creo que esta describe a la perfección su esencia:
"I knew I wasn´t letting go. I knew I was still living in a small and dark room. But there was a door to the room. And a window. And I could see that there was a sky out there."
Ahora estoy mucho más emocionada por releer Aristóteles y Dante para leer la segunda parte cuando salga!
June 12, 2021
I loved it!! The first half maybe just a tad bit more. The second half involved more crying on my part and the whole trauma thing which was covered in mystery till then was revealed and it wasn't nearly as fucked up as I'd imagined (ignoring what that possibly tells about my psyche). What actually happened was fucked up nonetheless, not saying trauma can be measured.
One of my theories was that maybe Zach had killed his parents and Santiago and was just dreaming it was his brother. It apparently explained the reason why he blocked out his memories to me.
There wasn't actual MM stuff but he did find love in that place which I really loved. I'm especially a sucker for "all who are blood are not family, the ones who love you for who you are" so partly why I loved it.
One of my theories was that maybe Zach had killed his parents and Santiago and was just dreaming it was his brother. It apparently explained the reason why he blocked out his memories to me.
There wasn't actual MM stuff but he did find love in that place which I really loved. I'm especially a sucker for "all who are blood are not family, the ones who love you for who you are" so partly why I loved it.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 24, 2017
Canción Nocturna.
Increíble, a pesar de que esté libro al principio me aburría y no le encontraba mucho sentido a la historia llego un punto a la mitad del libro en el que se convirtió en algo que no podía parar de leer.
Toco temas que a pesar de no estar tan relacionados conmigo, me hizo sentir muchas cosas y despertó muchos sentimientos dentro de mí, incluso me hizo acordarme de mi libro favorito "The perks of being a wallflower" porque el personaje principal Zach lo sentía muy relacionado o con pensamientos muy parecidos a Charlie, pero sin llegar a copiarse del personaje como tal.
Este libro definitivamente se lleva 5 estrellas de mi parte porque ha sido un libro que está tocando el tema del alcoholismo en un lugar especial para gente con problemas con el alcohol, lo cuál creo que fue una idea muy innovadora e impresionante, el ver como fue plasmada está historia y como te transporta a esta realmente sensación de estar dentro de ese lugar.
En muchos momentos me llegue a identificar con no solo el personaje principal si no también con los secundarios.
El libro está escrito de una manera tan impresionantemente descrita en cuestión de sentimientos que no llega a ser tediosa en ningún momento.
Espero mucha gente lea este libro.
Creo que no queda nada más que decir... ¡Muchas gracias Benjamin por está historia tan conmovedora!
Increíble, a pesar de que esté libro al principio me aburría y no le encontraba mucho sentido a la historia llego un punto a la mitad del libro en el que se convirtió en algo que no podía parar de leer.
Toco temas que a pesar de no estar tan relacionados conmigo, me hizo sentir muchas cosas y despertó muchos sentimientos dentro de mí, incluso me hizo acordarme de mi libro favorito "The perks of being a wallflower" porque el personaje principal Zach lo sentía muy relacionado o con pensamientos muy parecidos a Charlie, pero sin llegar a copiarse del personaje como tal.
Este libro definitivamente se lleva 5 estrellas de mi parte porque ha sido un libro que está tocando el tema del alcoholismo en un lugar especial para gente con problemas con el alcohol, lo cuál creo que fue una idea muy innovadora e impresionante, el ver como fue plasmada está historia y como te transporta a esta realmente sensación de estar dentro de ese lugar.
En muchos momentos me llegue a identificar con no solo el personaje principal si no también con los secundarios.
El libro está escrito de una manera tan impresionantemente descrita en cuestión de sentimientos que no llega a ser tediosa en ningún momento.
Espero mucha gente lea este libro.
Creo que no queda nada más que decir... ¡Muchas gracias Benjamin por está historia tan conmovedora!
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