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Love is the Link: A Hospice Doctor Shares Her Experience of Near Death and Dying
A hospice doctor shares her own experience with near death and her work with the dying.
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First published November 15, 1995
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May 22, 2024
A DOCTOR SURVEYS NEAR-DEATH EXPERINCES, AND THEIR IMPLICATIONS
Author Dr. Pamela Kircher wrote in the Preface to this 1995 book, “This book is in two parts. Part I is autobiographical. It describes how I came to be so involved in near-death experiences. In it, I tell as honesty as possible what my motivations and values have been in this work. Value changes as a result of an NDE have been reported in many books and articles, but I thought that readers might be interested in seeing how a person who has had an NDE goes about making choices in the world. The story of my story NDE adventures from 1988-1994 imparts something of the flavor of the general changes in attitude in the U.S. towards NDEs over that six-year period. It was a historic time, as people seemed to awaken almost overnight to the presence of the mystical in their lives. Part 2 presents stories I have heard from people in my work and ideas I have developed as a result of them. My ideas are not meant to be definitive ones on the topic, merely some ideas that I have developed after hearing these stories. I invite you to mull over and develop your own opinions and ideas. If reading an autobiographical sketch by a physician/near-death experiencer doesn’t appeal to you, please skip directly to Part 2.”
In the Prologue, she recounts her own near-death experience as a 6-year-old girl: “The next thing the little girl experienced was suddenly, inexplicably, being in the corner of the room NEAR THE CEILING, and looking down at a little girl in the bed. She was not surprised or frightened, even though nothing in her solid Midwest background had prepared her for an out-of-body experience. She was totally without pain and in perfect peace. She had the strong sense that she was SURROUNDED by God. She did not feel like a boy or a girl or a child or an adult. She experienced the essence of herself---the soul that had existed before she came into her body, and that would exist when this life was over. She felt strong and peaceful and totally connected with God. Looking down at the little girl in the bed, she was aware of the girl’s pain and felt compassion for her. As she further contemplated the situation, she realized that SHE must be that girl, and then the experience ended.” (Pg. 14)
She continues, “My near-death experience as a six-year-old child … was the first time for me the breeze blew the curtain aside… Through the last several years, while I have talked with hundreds of people who have had near-death experiences and worked with terminally-ill patients as a hospice physician, the curtain as stayed open much of the time. It has brought a sense of living in both worlds simultaneously---not in struggle, but in full appreciation of what each area has to offer. This book is a sharing of what I have learned---both from my own experiences and from the experiences of many other people who have been drawn into the other room. Sit back and relax: maybe the curtain will blow aside for you as well, as you read about these experiences.” (Pg. 16)
She states in the first chapter, “Among the many books about NDEs, this one comes from the unique perspective of a family physician who also has had a near-death experience. In addition, for four year I cared for terminally-ill patients in a hospice setting. From 1989through 1994, I gave fifty lectures in a variety of groups including college classes, churches, professional societies (nurses, social workers, medical students, and physicians) and facilitated and NDE support group on a monthly basis. What I have learned beyond a shadow of a doubt is that there is much more to existence than the things we routinely see, touch, and feel when aware of only our physical surroundings. Talking with many people over the years, I have found that most people have some events in their lives that indicate this to them, and that frequently they repress these experiences because they are beyond their understanding of how the world functions.” (Pg/ 21)
She recounts, “For my first public talk, I chose to speak in Grace Hall at my church… From the beginning, I decided to talk about NDEs when asked, but not to seek out speaking engagements… My promise to the Holy Spirit was that I would never say ‘No’ to any request, no matter how many fears it brought up for me… In 1987 I was asked to serve on the Board of the church… I felt strongly that while I had been ‘satisfied’ with my spiritual life as an individual, if I were going to think about guiding the church, I would need to deepen my spiritual practices. Upon making this decision, two things come to me that were very helpful. One was an introduction to the ‘Course in Miracles.’” (Pg. 29-30)
She continues, “In 1989, I began meeting with a small group of friends who had been studying the Course In Miracles for several years. Our goal was to be open and honest with each other as we really attempted to apply the teachings to our daily lives.” (Pg. 33)
She recalls visiting Elizabeth Kübler-Ross: “She… answered my questions and told me of her experiences well into the night. She had been with many dying patients, many of whom told her about NDEs. She validated my hunch that the understanding of how the world functions all the time---not just when we are near death.” (Pg. 34-35) She goes on, “As I settled into the hospice work, my interest in NDEs began to intensify again. I attended the First Annual International Association of Near Death Studies… in August of 1990… By the fall of 1990, I felt competent enough in hospice care to return to given NDE talks.” (Pg. 39)
She states, “In in spring of 1991, I spoke to the ‘Death and Dying’ class at a Christian university… I wondered how my talk would be received. Studies have shown that NDEs occur in 35-43% of people with cardiopulmonary resuscitations without regard to sex, age, culture, or religious beliefs… someone asked if having an NDE made people more religious. I shared that it generally made them more SPIRITUAL, but not necessarily more RELIGIOUS.” (Pg. 43-44)
Later, she adds, “One workshop I co-presented with a professor of religion to a group of theologians… During the discussion period, on minister … said that NDEs are so common among parishioners … that the Church is going to have to adapt itself to these new understandings… that comment is just the sort that I would like to hear from physicians… Another difficult point for some theologians is that … the Being of Light is there for support, not judgment. People who have NDEs become more loving people because they understand that the meaning of the world is to learn how to love well, not because they fear Hell.” (Pg. 52-53)
In Part 2 of the book, she explains, “I’ve come to some conclusions as to how NDEs in terminally-ill patients differ from those in acute situations. First, the episodes in terminally-ill patients do not necessarily come at times of severe physiologic compromise as they do in people with acute NDEs. Second, seeing dead relatives is much more common in terminally-ill patients than in people with acute NDEs. Third, a life review is more common in acute NDEs than in NDEs of hospice patients. Fourth, the purpose of the NDE in acute situations appears to be to help the person learn to live in more loving ways, whereas the purpose of an NDE in terminally-ill people seems to be to help them die in peace.” (Pg. 61)
She states, “Visitations from dead relatives … are … quite common in the days or first few weeks after the death of a close relative. Most of these visits seem to have the purpose of reassuring the grieving relatives or friends. Finally, a visitation from a dead relative sometimes brings a warning or comfort during difficult circumstances.” (Pg. 73)
She observes, “From listening to many people’s stories, I’ve come to some conclusions. First… is that NDEs and mystical experiences are two avenues to the experience of being in the presence of God… Second, it is easier for some people to dismiss their mystical experience as just an unusual event than it is for those who have had an NDE to do so.” (Pg. 81)
She admits, “In the many hundreds of NDEs that have been old to me, only a few were negative; but these have chilling implications about the meaning of separation and isolation. No one has told me of a typical ‘hellfire and damnation’ type of experience, but I have heard three episodes of feelings of profound separation.” (Pg. 116)
She concludes, “As people have learned who had had a life review during an NDE, we sill understand that our purpose in life is to learn how to love one another in every circumstance and in every encounter. As we begin to incorporate that truth into our knowledge of how the world functions, we will begin to accept the goal of being loving and kind in every moment as a cultural norm. When that is the cultural norm, the person who behaves unkindly will be considered deviant.” (Pg. 141)
This book will be of keen interest to those studying near-death experiences.
Author Dr. Pamela Kircher wrote in the Preface to this 1995 book, “This book is in two parts. Part I is autobiographical. It describes how I came to be so involved in near-death experiences. In it, I tell as honesty as possible what my motivations and values have been in this work. Value changes as a result of an NDE have been reported in many books and articles, but I thought that readers might be interested in seeing how a person who has had an NDE goes about making choices in the world. The story of my story NDE adventures from 1988-1994 imparts something of the flavor of the general changes in attitude in the U.S. towards NDEs over that six-year period. It was a historic time, as people seemed to awaken almost overnight to the presence of the mystical in their lives. Part 2 presents stories I have heard from people in my work and ideas I have developed as a result of them. My ideas are not meant to be definitive ones on the topic, merely some ideas that I have developed after hearing these stories. I invite you to mull over and develop your own opinions and ideas. If reading an autobiographical sketch by a physician/near-death experiencer doesn’t appeal to you, please skip directly to Part 2.”
In the Prologue, she recounts her own near-death experience as a 6-year-old girl: “The next thing the little girl experienced was suddenly, inexplicably, being in the corner of the room NEAR THE CEILING, and looking down at a little girl in the bed. She was not surprised or frightened, even though nothing in her solid Midwest background had prepared her for an out-of-body experience. She was totally without pain and in perfect peace. She had the strong sense that she was SURROUNDED by God. She did not feel like a boy or a girl or a child or an adult. She experienced the essence of herself---the soul that had existed before she came into her body, and that would exist when this life was over. She felt strong and peaceful and totally connected with God. Looking down at the little girl in the bed, she was aware of the girl’s pain and felt compassion for her. As she further contemplated the situation, she realized that SHE must be that girl, and then the experience ended.” (Pg. 14)
She continues, “My near-death experience as a six-year-old child … was the first time for me the breeze blew the curtain aside… Through the last several years, while I have talked with hundreds of people who have had near-death experiences and worked with terminally-ill patients as a hospice physician, the curtain as stayed open much of the time. It has brought a sense of living in both worlds simultaneously---not in struggle, but in full appreciation of what each area has to offer. This book is a sharing of what I have learned---both from my own experiences and from the experiences of many other people who have been drawn into the other room. Sit back and relax: maybe the curtain will blow aside for you as well, as you read about these experiences.” (Pg. 16)
She states in the first chapter, “Among the many books about NDEs, this one comes from the unique perspective of a family physician who also has had a near-death experience. In addition, for four year I cared for terminally-ill patients in a hospice setting. From 1989through 1994, I gave fifty lectures in a variety of groups including college classes, churches, professional societies (nurses, social workers, medical students, and physicians) and facilitated and NDE support group on a monthly basis. What I have learned beyond a shadow of a doubt is that there is much more to existence than the things we routinely see, touch, and feel when aware of only our physical surroundings. Talking with many people over the years, I have found that most people have some events in their lives that indicate this to them, and that frequently they repress these experiences because they are beyond their understanding of how the world functions.” (Pg/ 21)
She recounts, “For my first public talk, I chose to speak in Grace Hall at my church… From the beginning, I decided to talk about NDEs when asked, but not to seek out speaking engagements… My promise to the Holy Spirit was that I would never say ‘No’ to any request, no matter how many fears it brought up for me… In 1987 I was asked to serve on the Board of the church… I felt strongly that while I had been ‘satisfied’ with my spiritual life as an individual, if I were going to think about guiding the church, I would need to deepen my spiritual practices. Upon making this decision, two things come to me that were very helpful. One was an introduction to the ‘Course in Miracles.’” (Pg. 29-30)
She continues, “In 1989, I began meeting with a small group of friends who had been studying the Course In Miracles for several years. Our goal was to be open and honest with each other as we really attempted to apply the teachings to our daily lives.” (Pg. 33)
She recalls visiting Elizabeth Kübler-Ross: “She… answered my questions and told me of her experiences well into the night. She had been with many dying patients, many of whom told her about NDEs. She validated my hunch that the understanding of how the world functions all the time---not just when we are near death.” (Pg. 34-35) She goes on, “As I settled into the hospice work, my interest in NDEs began to intensify again. I attended the First Annual International Association of Near Death Studies… in August of 1990… By the fall of 1990, I felt competent enough in hospice care to return to given NDE talks.” (Pg. 39)
She states, “In in spring of 1991, I spoke to the ‘Death and Dying’ class at a Christian university… I wondered how my talk would be received. Studies have shown that NDEs occur in 35-43% of people with cardiopulmonary resuscitations without regard to sex, age, culture, or religious beliefs… someone asked if having an NDE made people more religious. I shared that it generally made them more SPIRITUAL, but not necessarily more RELIGIOUS.” (Pg. 43-44)
Later, she adds, “One workshop I co-presented with a professor of religion to a group of theologians… During the discussion period, on minister … said that NDEs are so common among parishioners … that the Church is going to have to adapt itself to these new understandings… that comment is just the sort that I would like to hear from physicians… Another difficult point for some theologians is that … the Being of Light is there for support, not judgment. People who have NDEs become more loving people because they understand that the meaning of the world is to learn how to love well, not because they fear Hell.” (Pg. 52-53)
In Part 2 of the book, she explains, “I’ve come to some conclusions as to how NDEs in terminally-ill patients differ from those in acute situations. First, the episodes in terminally-ill patients do not necessarily come at times of severe physiologic compromise as they do in people with acute NDEs. Second, seeing dead relatives is much more common in terminally-ill patients than in people with acute NDEs. Third, a life review is more common in acute NDEs than in NDEs of hospice patients. Fourth, the purpose of the NDE in acute situations appears to be to help the person learn to live in more loving ways, whereas the purpose of an NDE in terminally-ill people seems to be to help them die in peace.” (Pg. 61)
She states, “Visitations from dead relatives … are … quite common in the days or first few weeks after the death of a close relative. Most of these visits seem to have the purpose of reassuring the grieving relatives or friends. Finally, a visitation from a dead relative sometimes brings a warning or comfort during difficult circumstances.” (Pg. 73)
She observes, “From listening to many people’s stories, I’ve come to some conclusions. First… is that NDEs and mystical experiences are two avenues to the experience of being in the presence of God… Second, it is easier for some people to dismiss their mystical experience as just an unusual event than it is for those who have had an NDE to do so.” (Pg. 81)
She admits, “In the many hundreds of NDEs that have been old to me, only a few were negative; but these have chilling implications about the meaning of separation and isolation. No one has told me of a typical ‘hellfire and damnation’ type of experience, but I have heard three episodes of feelings of profound separation.” (Pg. 116)
She concludes, “As people have learned who had had a life review during an NDE, we sill understand that our purpose in life is to learn how to love one another in every circumstance and in every encounter. As we begin to incorporate that truth into our knowledge of how the world functions, we will begin to accept the goal of being loving and kind in every moment as a cultural norm. When that is the cultural norm, the person who behaves unkindly will be considered deviant.” (Pg. 141)
This book will be of keen interest to those studying near-death experiences.
May 26, 2013
Interesting book about a hospice doctor who had a NDE experience when she was a girl. She talks about how many people have actually had NDEs. Quit different from the last book on NDEs that I read. This one talks quite a bit about hospice and tells how most people receive visits from deceased family or friends soon before they die. Reinforced my desire to volunteer at a hospice.
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews