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Scientific Secrets for Raising Kids Who Thrive
Raising children is one of the most rewarding and important, yet challenging, endeavors a person can undertake. To lament that babies are born without instruction manuals is a cliché, but it’s a sentiment rooted in the uncertainty many parents feel as they make day-to-day decisions they hope will help their children blossom into healthy, well-adjusted, intelligent adults. This is a transcript book for Lectures 1 - 12: 1) Self-Control - From Tummy Time to Tae Kwon Do 2) Seeing, Hearing, Thinking, Learning Infants 3) Sleep - Getting Enough "Vitamin S" 4) Healthy Eating Habits for Life 5) Baby Talk, Sign Language and Speech 6) Shaping Behavior - How Kids and Rats Differ 7) Which Style Parenting is Best? 8) The Joy of Reading and the Place of Phonics 9) IQ Hazards and Boosting Intelligence 10) Enhancing your Child's Memory 11) Parent as Teacher - Homework and Beyond 12) Getting a Jump on Math - Without Math Anxiety
360 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2014
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 75 reviews
April 4, 2014
- Praise your kid's EFFORT and not performance;
- Help with homework by letting them get the answers themselves - guide them in getting to the answers without giving them the answer - use 'scaffolding' technique
- Teach fractions before age of 10
- Learn a 2nd language
- No TV or screens BEFORE the age of 2
- No junk TV
- Classical music will NOT enhance intelligence - if at all for 15 min only
- Your kid's disposition starts with you as parents
- Don't be a "Helicopter" parent
- If child says "Nothing", "Dunno" if you ask her how her day went or what's wrong - don't stop asking, or tone down, continue
- Build trust by talking with your child - although teenager may be slightly more challenging!
- Get a pet!
- Get them immunized
- Become a scientific parent
- Help with homework by letting them get the answers themselves - guide them in getting to the answers without giving them the answer - use 'scaffolding' technique
- Teach fractions before age of 10
- Learn a 2nd language
- No TV or screens BEFORE the age of 2
- No junk TV
- Classical music will NOT enhance intelligence - if at all for 15 min only
- Your kid's disposition starts with you as parents
- Don't be a "Helicopter" parent
- If child says "Nothing", "Dunno" if you ask her how her day went or what's wrong - don't stop asking, or tone down, continue
- Build trust by talking with your child - although teenager may be slightly more challenging!
- Get a pet!
- Get them immunized
- Become a scientific parent
November 1, 2017
My son is 4 1/2, so maybe I read this a little too late. Really, I wanted to see if Dr. Vishton had any advice for the rest of my son's childhood, and to see how I've done so far with my parenting, from a scientific point of view. The good news is that my son is on track to turn out okay.
First of all, Vishton is very clear that these are not directions to turn your kid into an uber-genius. He said that such plans are not only damaging to children, but are generally worthless. This course is about scientifically sound approaches to raising children who are well adjusted and primed to be successful in school and life. Many of these things seem like no-brainers: talk to you children, even when they are babies and don't understand. Limit TV exposure, especially violent TV. Physical activity has not only physical, but also emotional and social benefits. Just don't let them play football, where they can suffer long-term brain injury. These seem like pretty obvious takes, but then I've seen enough terrible parenting to know that no-brainers are neglected by people with no brains.
My only issue with the course is that it seems geared toward-- or at least unconsciously intended for-- the middle/upper class. Suggestions such as enrolling your child in Montessori school (have you SEEN how expensive those places are?) are promoted. Vishton does acknowledge that this is out of many families' budgets, so adapting a few Montessori techniques for reinforcement with your child at home are offered as an alternative. But this, too, requires a financial and time investment that not all families can make. He also, for the lack of time, bypasses several topics I was interested in, such as the effects of having multiple children, the impact of adoption, and issues of child trauma. Overall, the advice is sound, but maybe unrealistic for some families.
If you are looking for a guide that gives scientific principles (rather than anecdotal advice) for raising children, this is a good place to look, even if it isn't appropriate for all families.
First of all, Vishton is very clear that these are not directions to turn your kid into an uber-genius. He said that such plans are not only damaging to children, but are generally worthless. This course is about scientifically sound approaches to raising children who are well adjusted and primed to be successful in school and life. Many of these things seem like no-brainers: talk to you children, even when they are babies and don't understand. Limit TV exposure, especially violent TV. Physical activity has not only physical, but also emotional and social benefits. Just don't let them play football, where they can suffer long-term brain injury. These seem like pretty obvious takes, but then I've seen enough terrible parenting to know that no-brainers are neglected by people with no brains.
My only issue with the course is that it seems geared toward-- or at least unconsciously intended for-- the middle/upper class. Suggestions such as enrolling your child in Montessori school (have you SEEN how expensive those places are?) are promoted. Vishton does acknowledge that this is out of many families' budgets, so adapting a few Montessori techniques for reinforcement with your child at home are offered as an alternative. But this, too, requires a financial and time investment that not all families can make. He also, for the lack of time, bypasses several topics I was interested in, such as the effects of having multiple children, the impact of adoption, and issues of child trauma. Overall, the advice is sound, but maybe unrealistic for some families.
If you are looking for a guide that gives scientific principles (rather than anecdotal advice) for raising children, this is a good place to look, even if it isn't appropriate for all families.
June 17, 2018
I was impressed with the majority of the lectures in this book. Specifically, the sections on education. He mentions that a perfectly complete hw assignment isn’t the goal of doing hw - it’s the learning that takes place on the way to completing that assignment, which is a point missed by many parents in their quest to help their child. I especially liked the sections on scaffolding learning and the emphasis on allowing children to learn on their own - as that is a indispensable skill.
The chapter on educational media such as Sesame Street was also very interesting, because there is value from some of these programs.
Lastly, the chapter on mathematical abilities and the importance of number sense (by using a 100-number board) is something I (an educator) COMPLETELY agree with. Number sense is one of the most important skills in mathematics and one that rote memorization of facts will not solve. I also really enjoyed the chapter on Maria Montessori and the history of the Montessori method.
Overall, some really great points for both parents and educators alike. Would recommend.
The chapter on educational media such as Sesame Street was also very interesting, because there is value from some of these programs.
Lastly, the chapter on mathematical abilities and the importance of number sense (by using a 100-number board) is something I (an educator) COMPLETELY agree with. Number sense is one of the most important skills in mathematics and one that rote memorization of facts will not solve. I also really enjoyed the chapter on Maria Montessori and the history of the Montessori method.
Overall, some really great points for both parents and educators alike. Would recommend.
February 1, 2015
I really liked this book. Good, practical advice, very reasonable in my opinion, backed by real research. We argued on some points with my wife though. Research is research and studies are studies, but every child is a unique human being (and the book states this as well). So, it's important to think and not overdo it.
Presentation of the material is clear, up to the point, and delivered very well. Would recommend this book to anyone with or expecting a child.
Presentation of the material is clear, up to the point, and delivered very well. Would recommend this book to anyone with or expecting a child.
June 20, 2016
Helpful scientific tips based on solid scientific research papers of developmental science. The tips are a minor part of what makes this book great.
How well researched the topics are and how rigorously assessed the conclusions are - makes this book absolutely amazing for a scientific minded new parents or parents-to-be.
How well researched the topics are and how rigorously assessed the conclusions are - makes this book absolutely amazing for a scientific minded new parents or parents-to-be.
December 18, 2020
Informative, scientific lecture series about raising children. Everything is based on research, and the short episodes sums the key take aways up instead of going into too much detail about all the papers presented. I would definitely recommend this to any parent. A lot of it is directed towards young children, but there are also some episodes about teens, and in general many of the core concepts are aimed at parents, regardless of their children's age.
August 16, 2022
This was a great course, full of evidence-based practical tips for raising children - it is way ahead of the other materials that I've read on this subject.
I strongly recommend this to any parent, or someone who plans to become a parent.
My notes for this course are over 50KB in plaintext, so this goes far beyond what Goodreads allows me to post. The lecture notes will be published on my site and linked here later.
I strongly recommend this to any parent, or someone who plans to become a parent.
My notes for this course are over 50KB in plaintext, so this goes far beyond what Goodreads allows me to post. The lecture notes will be published on my site and linked here later.
December 31, 2018
Yep... I am so grown up. Listening to parenting books and all. I am such a fraud. I barely am holding it together myself, and now I have to make sure another tiny little person turns out ok?
At least there's help available (And truth be told, I am holding it together reasonably all right. People, are in situations, in which if ever found myself, I'd be in a state of perpetual melt down, but they are pretty chill). I have a few parenting books, but I have never quite liked reading them. As far as parenting goes, I generally want a lot more specific input for a particular bend in kid's life I find myself at. Plodding through a parenting book is not a very efficient way to resolve that. And the most popular resource that I was told, is a very unergonomic Baby Book, which for some reason, when I hold it, always brings up memories of the Physics book by Resnick and Halliday. For all you know, the parenting book might not even have anything at all on that subject. So for most parenting issues, websites are a lot better look up.
That said, as far as general guidance on parenting is concerned, this lecture, audiobook, format is very useful. First of all, you are not working out your biceps holding anything. Secondly, this particular book covers the broad range topics from babyhood to teenage. (Looking at some adults... perhaps a section on adult kids might not be amiss here). And most importantly, the material is engaging and... makes sense.
I have to admit one thing... I don't think I am going to be a very nagging parent insofar as making my kid attend 20 thousand skill classes of piano, badminton, painting, theoretical physics, gymnastics, etc. Coming from a generation I did, where most of my professional skilling was almost preordained... you know, Schooling, Science specialization, Engineering, MBA... I hope my kid has an option of choosing out her interests. I will worry that she lead a sustainable life in her area of choice, sure. But I sincerely hope she builds a life around something she is passionate about. I will do my best to ensure she doesn't drift... and while that seems like a problem for later... a lot of parents, perhaps with the same well meaning intention of helping their kids find their passion expose them to far too many things. Or perhaps it's a more selfish need to sound cool that my kid does so many things. The balance of it all however comes down to a mix of talent, development and external stimuli. As a parent, I want to know what can I do to foster a better environment for my kid.
This audiobook addresses precisely that point. It doesn't answer specifics like how to potty train your kid. Or make them an independent sleeper. It does address the later part briefly. But largely, the focus is on creation of a good environment for a kid to grow up in. And the interventions that can be provided by parents.
The summary tips in each lecture are well worth collating and printing out as a sort of a guide, assuming you remember the "why" of all those tips. There are solid scientific grounds for each of those tips, which is good to know.
This is one of those audiobooks that I actively discussed with my wife. I will probably listen to sections of this again. The chapters are helpfully labelled... which at times is annoyingly missing in some of audible productions.
Peter M. Vishton is a good narrator too. Sometimes it's easy to let personal beliefs get in the way, or simply rant while on topics as loaded as parenting. He refrains. Keeps everything based on science and handles the more controversial topics like vaccination with calmness... without calling anti-vaccine brigade any demeaning names. He's a bigger man than I am.
There are a couple of areas that are missing though. I'd have liked a section on handling sex education for kids... It's an area of immense concern. Perhaps it's because I am a father of a daughter, not that it ought to be any less of a concern for parents of sons. It's just our society is far too sexualized, compared to what it was when I was growing up, and children need to be oriented to handle peer pressure, report abuse, not be confused about their respective orientations and take smart decisions as their hormones get out of control.
The other area is probably religious outlook. I am very curious to if science has anything to say about correlations between religion and morality in kids when they grow up. Perhaps kids don't really care and it has no long term implication till they themselves grow up and form hard lines of their religious outlook.
Lastly, what's all the hoopla of raising girls vs. boys. I have been in some conversations where "gender-neutral parenting" was the topic. I don't think I have taken any decision with respect to my kid just because she's a girl, yet. She just naturally likes pink, and kitchen sets, and make up kits. But she also goes vroom vroom with cars, they just don't hold her attention that long. But are there any inherent differences in the way a little baby boy thinks vs. a baby girl? Are there any minor adjustments we ought to make as parents?
Well, as Peter Vishton says, this audiobook is a beginning. I am sure I will have a lot more questions. I will keep exploring. And recording memories as my kid grows up.
At least there's help available (And truth be told, I am holding it together reasonably all right. People, are in situations, in which if ever found myself, I'd be in a state of perpetual melt down, but they are pretty chill). I have a few parenting books, but I have never quite liked reading them. As far as parenting goes, I generally want a lot more specific input for a particular bend in kid's life I find myself at. Plodding through a parenting book is not a very efficient way to resolve that. And the most popular resource that I was told, is a very unergonomic Baby Book, which for some reason, when I hold it, always brings up memories of the Physics book by Resnick and Halliday. For all you know, the parenting book might not even have anything at all on that subject. So for most parenting issues, websites are a lot better look up.
That said, as far as general guidance on parenting is concerned, this lecture, audiobook, format is very useful. First of all, you are not working out your biceps holding anything. Secondly, this particular book covers the broad range topics from babyhood to teenage. (Looking at some adults... perhaps a section on adult kids might not be amiss here). And most importantly, the material is engaging and... makes sense.
I have to admit one thing... I don't think I am going to be a very nagging parent insofar as making my kid attend 20 thousand skill classes of piano, badminton, painting, theoretical physics, gymnastics, etc. Coming from a generation I did, where most of my professional skilling was almost preordained... you know, Schooling, Science specialization, Engineering, MBA... I hope my kid has an option of choosing out her interests. I will worry that she lead a sustainable life in her area of choice, sure. But I sincerely hope she builds a life around something she is passionate about. I will do my best to ensure she doesn't drift... and while that seems like a problem for later... a lot of parents, perhaps with the same well meaning intention of helping their kids find their passion expose them to far too many things. Or perhaps it's a more selfish need to sound cool that my kid does so many things. The balance of it all however comes down to a mix of talent, development and external stimuli. As a parent, I want to know what can I do to foster a better environment for my kid.
This audiobook addresses precisely that point. It doesn't answer specifics like how to potty train your kid. Or make them an independent sleeper. It does address the later part briefly. But largely, the focus is on creation of a good environment for a kid to grow up in. And the interventions that can be provided by parents.
The summary tips in each lecture are well worth collating and printing out as a sort of a guide, assuming you remember the "why" of all those tips. There are solid scientific grounds for each of those tips, which is good to know.
This is one of those audiobooks that I actively discussed with my wife. I will probably listen to sections of this again. The chapters are helpfully labelled... which at times is annoyingly missing in some of audible productions.
Peter M. Vishton is a good narrator too. Sometimes it's easy to let personal beliefs get in the way, or simply rant while on topics as loaded as parenting. He refrains. Keeps everything based on science and handles the more controversial topics like vaccination with calmness... without calling anti-vaccine brigade any demeaning names. He's a bigger man than I am.
There are a couple of areas that are missing though. I'd have liked a section on handling sex education for kids... It's an area of immense concern. Perhaps it's because I am a father of a daughter, not that it ought to be any less of a concern for parents of sons. It's just our society is far too sexualized, compared to what it was when I was growing up, and children need to be oriented to handle peer pressure, report abuse, not be confused about their respective orientations and take smart decisions as their hormones get out of control.
The other area is probably religious outlook. I am very curious to if science has anything to say about correlations between religion and morality in kids when they grow up. Perhaps kids don't really care and it has no long term implication till they themselves grow up and form hard lines of their religious outlook.
Lastly, what's all the hoopla of raising girls vs. boys. I have been in some conversations where "gender-neutral parenting" was the topic. I don't think I have taken any decision with respect to my kid just because she's a girl, yet. She just naturally likes pink, and kitchen sets, and make up kits. But she also goes vroom vroom with cars, they just don't hold her attention that long. But are there any inherent differences in the way a little baby boy thinks vs. a baby girl? Are there any minor adjustments we ought to make as parents?
Well, as Peter Vishton says, this audiobook is a beginning. I am sure I will have a lot more questions. I will keep exploring. And recording memories as my kid grows up.
April 4, 2023
Good book. Excellent topic based layout with clear summary of what you will learn in each lecture. I listened on Audible and very much liked the narration(the author I believe). After reading a number of parenting books over the past 4 years, you start to read about alot of the same themes and studies. That is fine with me as I learn best from repition. I could see this book being overwhelming to some people given that you could feel as though you are failing/have failed your child. I didn’t feel that way, I feel like this is simply telling you what the data says and you can choose to try all, some, or none. I put myself squarely in the “try some” camp.
I summarize my key takeaways below(i only read sections applicable to age 4+)
tae kwon do is very beneficial for kids, particularly 2 grade and above, particularly boys
sleep - kids benefit from ample sleep. no true studies have been done on exactly how much they need. that being said, 12 hours of total sleep for kids 3 and older(through hs) is important. regular bedtimes are crucial, do not put your kids in front of screens for at least an hour before bed. studies show that inconsistent sleep can account for a significant amount of achievement gap in school. fixing sleep can possibly fix many problems.
food - in order to get your kids to eat healthy foods have them taste healthy foods (even if one bite) repeatedly (may take months) eventually their body will crave the foods, this is biologically programmed. do not expose them to these foods on days when they are sick.
parenting styles - authoritative>authoritarian = permissive >uninvolved
very well validated in research authoritative style has rules and boundaries while explaining the why. authoritarian high rules with no reason, permissive low rules but emotionally involved, uninvolved is aelf explanatory (worst style of all).
reading - this chapter is a bit fuzzy. i’m not particularly concerned about my kids reading progress so i did not revisit.
iq - don’t focus too much on iq. intelligence is something that can be enhanced with work. if you do want to boost your kids iq - exercise, playing an instrument(science weak there) and playing with blocks to build things are shown to help. praise effort not intelligence. telling your kid they are not very smart or are very smart is not a good ifea, focus on praising and encouraging the effort.
memory - need to relisten
homework - same time, same place everyday, don’t help much. when you help, point to where they may have gone astray don’t simply give answer. boosting math abilities at 5 carry forward unlike many other quick starts - walking, etc.
math - start lightly teaching addition w fingers around 4, start w bigger number around 5, 5 writing numbers,around 6 foundation in number sets(when multiplication is introduced) is super important and should be extended far beyond the length typically taught in public school vs memorization - a hundreds board can be used for this. board games at home is good for math ability. fractions, make sure your kids nail fractions by the time they are ten, it is predictive of future math mastery. do extra work st home if needed.
second language - focused on bilingual homes or immersion. i am not doing that so not summarized.
tv - sesame street is great after 2, background tv is the house constantly is bad, avoid violent tv - it desensitizes kids to violence, no unsupervised tv until after 2 not bad persay but won’t learn anything but they are barely awake before 2 so you should be interacting with them
video games - it depends. read the chapter for detail. lots of conflicting data.
promoting persistence for self esteem - foggy chapters
attribution style matters - model attribution and high self esteem yourself,
to help your kids self esteem find a regular activity which he or she thrives in, happiness in those domains will spill over to school. depression - exercise, if a kid begins to give away belongings, talk about how things could be better without them, suicide in the community are time for a serious talk
optimism rises from teens through 60s
encouraging sharing, optimism, empathy
1)do not reward kids for kind behavior
2)model good behavior
3)talk to your kid about difficult emotions
4)three things to promote prosocial behavior- songs, video, media
the are naturally prosocial according to studies, get out of their way
have them play pro-social video games/board games, tv showssing songs w people/marching band/choir
social and emptional learning - explicitly talk to your kids about conflict
teach that conlflict is not always bad
label emotions
when they are freaking out tell them it will go away
cooperation
teach your child to converse w people
respect differences in others
the author says the data supports montessori learning and small class sizes
exercise is great as are team sports - but no tackle football
adolescents - skipped, too far away
be a scientist with your child - observe data and trsck them
don’t rush your children into all of this😁
I summarize my key takeaways below(i only read sections applicable to age 4+)
tae kwon do is very beneficial for kids, particularly 2 grade and above, particularly boys
sleep - kids benefit from ample sleep. no true studies have been done on exactly how much they need. that being said, 12 hours of total sleep for kids 3 and older(through hs) is important. regular bedtimes are crucial, do not put your kids in front of screens for at least an hour before bed. studies show that inconsistent sleep can account for a significant amount of achievement gap in school. fixing sleep can possibly fix many problems.
food - in order to get your kids to eat healthy foods have them taste healthy foods (even if one bite) repeatedly (may take months) eventually their body will crave the foods, this is biologically programmed. do not expose them to these foods on days when they are sick.
parenting styles - authoritative>authoritarian = permissive >uninvolved
very well validated in research authoritative style has rules and boundaries while explaining the why. authoritarian high rules with no reason, permissive low rules but emotionally involved, uninvolved is aelf explanatory (worst style of all).
reading - this chapter is a bit fuzzy. i’m not particularly concerned about my kids reading progress so i did not revisit.
iq - don’t focus too much on iq. intelligence is something that can be enhanced with work. if you do want to boost your kids iq - exercise, playing an instrument(science weak there) and playing with blocks to build things are shown to help. praise effort not intelligence. telling your kid they are not very smart or are very smart is not a good ifea, focus on praising and encouraging the effort.
memory - need to relisten
homework - same time, same place everyday, don’t help much. when you help, point to where they may have gone astray don’t simply give answer. boosting math abilities at 5 carry forward unlike many other quick starts - walking, etc.
math - start lightly teaching addition w fingers around 4, start w bigger number around 5, 5 writing numbers,around 6 foundation in number sets(when multiplication is introduced) is super important and should be extended far beyond the length typically taught in public school vs memorization - a hundreds board can be used for this. board games at home is good for math ability. fractions, make sure your kids nail fractions by the time they are ten, it is predictive of future math mastery. do extra work st home if needed.
second language - focused on bilingual homes or immersion. i am not doing that so not summarized.
tv - sesame street is great after 2, background tv is the house constantly is bad, avoid violent tv - it desensitizes kids to violence, no unsupervised tv until after 2 not bad persay but won’t learn anything but they are barely awake before 2 so you should be interacting with them
video games - it depends. read the chapter for detail. lots of conflicting data.
promoting persistence for self esteem - foggy chapters
attribution style matters - model attribution and high self esteem yourself,
to help your kids self esteem find a regular activity which he or she thrives in, happiness in those domains will spill over to school. depression - exercise, if a kid begins to give away belongings, talk about how things could be better without them, suicide in the community are time for a serious talk
optimism rises from teens through 60s
encouraging sharing, optimism, empathy
1)do not reward kids for kind behavior
2)model good behavior
3)talk to your kid about difficult emotions
4)three things to promote prosocial behavior- songs, video, media
the are naturally prosocial according to studies, get out of their way
have them play pro-social video games/board games, tv showssing songs w people/marching band/choir
social and emptional learning - explicitly talk to your kids about conflict
teach that conlflict is not always bad
label emotions
when they are freaking out tell them it will go away
cooperation
teach your child to converse w people
respect differences in others
the author says the data supports montessori learning and small class sizes
exercise is great as are team sports - but no tackle football
adolescents - skipped, too far away
be a scientist with your child - observe data and trsck them
don’t rush your children into all of this😁
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 22, 2019
A lot of familiar advice, but emphasizes evidence-based conclusions from widely verified studies, and not just trusting anecdotal stories from a few parents.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 2, 2019
This title is valuable, but not engaging. I didn't find myself "racing to listen to the next chapter," like I have other books and lecture series.
Prof. Vishton is a fine lecturer, both in narration and organization; his being a parent adds to his credential. The citations for each of his recommendations are numerous; ultimately these citations fill a lot of time. For the scientific-minded, these citations are necessary and interesting; for the parent looking for good quick advice, the lectures can be summarized into the bulleted list below.
I look forward to applying these takeaways to my two young daughters over the course of the next two decades.
- Do tummy time often with infants.
- Read to your children even as infants.
- Hold bedtime at the same time.
- Introduce new foods in small doses with no pressure, and certainly not while not sick.
- Read often. Let them hold the book. Focus on phonics early. Electronics are not needed, they distract.
- Play with blocks. Run around. Learn a musical instrument.
- Stereotype anticipation is VERY influential, e.g. "Girls are very good/bad at math."
- Intelligence is malleable, not fixed. Teach that. Praise work, not intelligence.
- Memory exercises are proven to work. The Memory Game, Simon, and "I went to China" are good examples.
- Homework: done in a consistent time and place, not right before bed, take breaks, don't give answers when struggling.
- Math: teach fractions, get a "hundred board," play board games.
- Second Language: helps people be creative and mentally flexible, even if initial language development in slowed in the short-term.
- Tv: small, supervised doses of quality, cirriculum-based programming. No violence. No background tv.
- Video games: the right game can be creatively and spatially stimulating. Monitor usage, make sure it doesn't cut into other positive activities.
- Esteem: defend against learned helplessness. Set an example by your own actions. Learning is effort based, not permanently intrinsic. A mastering hobby like drawing should be encouraged if present.
- Depression lasting longer than 2-3 weeks should seek counseling. Activity is the most important tool.
- Reward effort, not results.
- How your child cooperates and resolves conflicts with others will largely model your own behavior. Set an example.
- Conflicts aren't bad. They're totally natural and result in improved outcomes if managed properly. Talk about conflicts. Teach taking the perspectives of other people.
- If not require, then let children help with "the chores"--cleaning, picking up toys, etc. To them, it's very engaging and allows them to develop focus.
- Montessori number chains are an excellent way to develop numerical reasoning--the antithesis of "arithmetical memorization."
- Physical education is important and correlates tightly with intellectual development.
- Adolescent brains are literally different than adult brains. Persist with open communication and questions even if there is no response for weeks or months. Give space for them to create their own identity.
- Resist the natural urge to believe vocal, passionate people who do not use scientific reasoning in their conclusions about child rearing (e.g. vaccines and autism).
- Don't rush childhood. Apply these lessons at the appropriate time. Unstructured time for children is rapidly decreasing (removal of recess, after school classes, etc.); do your part to make unstructured time for your children.
Prof. Vishton is a fine lecturer, both in narration and organization; his being a parent adds to his credential. The citations for each of his recommendations are numerous; ultimately these citations fill a lot of time. For the scientific-minded, these citations are necessary and interesting; for the parent looking for good quick advice, the lectures can be summarized into the bulleted list below.
I look forward to applying these takeaways to my two young daughters over the course of the next two decades.
- Do tummy time often with infants.
- Read to your children even as infants.
- Hold bedtime at the same time.
- Introduce new foods in small doses with no pressure, and certainly not while not sick.
- Read often. Let them hold the book. Focus on phonics early. Electronics are not needed, they distract.
- Play with blocks. Run around. Learn a musical instrument.
- Stereotype anticipation is VERY influential, e.g. "Girls are very good/bad at math."
- Intelligence is malleable, not fixed. Teach that. Praise work, not intelligence.
- Memory exercises are proven to work. The Memory Game, Simon, and "I went to China" are good examples.
- Homework: done in a consistent time and place, not right before bed, take breaks, don't give answers when struggling.
- Math: teach fractions, get a "hundred board," play board games.
- Second Language: helps people be creative and mentally flexible, even if initial language development in slowed in the short-term.
- Tv: small, supervised doses of quality, cirriculum-based programming. No violence. No background tv.
- Video games: the right game can be creatively and spatially stimulating. Monitor usage, make sure it doesn't cut into other positive activities.
- Esteem: defend against learned helplessness. Set an example by your own actions. Learning is effort based, not permanently intrinsic. A mastering hobby like drawing should be encouraged if present.
- Depression lasting longer than 2-3 weeks should seek counseling. Activity is the most important tool.
- Reward effort, not results.
- How your child cooperates and resolves conflicts with others will largely model your own behavior. Set an example.
- Conflicts aren't bad. They're totally natural and result in improved outcomes if managed properly. Talk about conflicts. Teach taking the perspectives of other people.
- If not require, then let children help with "the chores"--cleaning, picking up toys, etc. To them, it's very engaging and allows them to develop focus.
- Montessori number chains are an excellent way to develop numerical reasoning--the antithesis of "arithmetical memorization."
- Physical education is important and correlates tightly with intellectual development.
- Adolescent brains are literally different than adult brains. Persist with open communication and questions even if there is no response for weeks or months. Give space for them to create their own identity.
- Resist the natural urge to believe vocal, passionate people who do not use scientific reasoning in their conclusions about child rearing (e.g. vaccines and autism).
- Don't rush childhood. Apply these lessons at the appropriate time. Unstructured time for children is rapidly decreasing (removal of recess, after school classes, etc.); do your part to make unstructured time for your children.
September 29, 2020
2019.06.27–2019.07.02
Contents
Vishton PM (2014) (12:47) Scientific Secrets for Raising Kids Who Thrive
01. Self Control—From Tummy Time to Tae Kwon Do
02. Seeing, Hearing, Thinking, Learning Infants
03. Sleep—Getting Enough “Vitamin S”
04. Healthy Eating Habits for Life
05. Baby Talk, Sign Language, and Speech
06. Shaping Behavior—How Kids and Rats Differ
07. Which Style of Parenting Is Best?
08. The Joy of Reading and the Place of Phonics
09. IQ Hazards and Boosting Intelligence
10. Enhancing Your Child’s Memory
11. Parent as Teacher—Homework and Beyond
12. Getting a Jump on Math—Without Math Anxiety
13. Advantages of a Second Language
14. What TV and Video Can and Can’t Teach
15. Values and Pitfalls of Video Games
16. Promoting Persistence and Self-Esteem
17. Encouraging Cooperation, Sharing, Empathy
18. Peer Conflicts and Social Development
19. Maria Montessori at Home for Young Children
20. Schooling and the Montessori Approach
21. Physical Development and Education
22. The Adolescent Brain
23. Becoming a Parent-Scientist
24. The Great Values of an Unhurried Childhood
Contents
Vishton PM (2014) (12:47) Scientific Secrets for Raising Kids Who Thrive
01. Self Control—From Tummy Time to Tae Kwon Do
02. Seeing, Hearing, Thinking, Learning Infants
03. Sleep—Getting Enough “Vitamin S”
04. Healthy Eating Habits for Life
05. Baby Talk, Sign Language, and Speech
06. Shaping Behavior—How Kids and Rats Differ
07. Which Style of Parenting Is Best?
08. The Joy of Reading and the Place of Phonics
09. IQ Hazards and Boosting Intelligence
10. Enhancing Your Child’s Memory
11. Parent as Teacher—Homework and Beyond
12. Getting a Jump on Math—Without Math Anxiety
13. Advantages of a Second Language
14. What TV and Video Can and Can’t Teach
15. Values and Pitfalls of Video Games
16. Promoting Persistence and Self-Esteem
17. Encouraging Cooperation, Sharing, Empathy
18. Peer Conflicts and Social Development
19. Maria Montessori at Home for Young Children
20. Schooling and the Montessori Approach
21. Physical Development and Education
22. The Adolescent Brain
23. Becoming a Parent-Scientist
24. The Great Values of an Unhurried Childhood
November 23, 2016
Pretty much how I raised my daughters. So of course I loved it.
July 31, 2017
LOVED IT!!!!! I have always loved psychology, kids, and practical advice you can share/use in everyday life. This audiobook combines all of those elements. I loved this book from a developmental psychology point of view. I recognized that it built on elements I learned about in my psych courses at UBC, but then expanded them further in the area of child psychology. I learned so many new things in this course. A lot of questions I've had have been answered (at least as best as they can be answered with current research), and things I only started to wonder upon listening to this book were also answered.
The lecturer is fantastic. Eloquent, captivating, excellent pacing, logical structure and flow of ideas-- it was an absolute pure delight to spend time with his teaching. I trust the course material as a reliable information source because Vishton is careful not to make any broad sweeping statements. He frequently explores both sides of an issue and offers advice which is perhaps contradictory but at the same time comprehensive. For example, there is no definitive evidence stating that all video games are harmful to children, nor is there evidence stating that all video games are beneficial for development. (As it happens, Vishton made a nice analogy comparing video games to food; some are good for you, others are not, and it is the responsibility of the parent to be informed when choosing what to expose their children to).
In addition to my interest as a wannabe psychologist, I found that the advice in this book was useful to me personally as someone who might be working with kids as a doctor soon. Also, it never hurts to learn about kids in a future hypothetical sense as well! It was a nice balance to listen to this book in between chapters of Selfish, Shallow, Self-Absorbed (the collection of essays written by people who chose not to have children).
This book is simultaneously informative and fun, evidence-based and practical, scientific and relatable, gives advice without being preachy. It is everything I wanted it to be and more.* I recommend this to anyone who has an interest in psychology, who has kids, wants to have kids, or who may be involved with raising kids in some way!
STRONGLY RECOMMENDED!!!
*The thing that bothered me in this book was one line in the introduction of the Persistence chapter, on how to use failure as a tool for success. The lecturer compares depression to a common cold, saying that most people will experience it and most cases will resolve spontaneously. This is NOT true, and I believe the lecturer simply misspoke. He was almost right. I think what he meant to say is that most people will experience a "depressed mood" at some point in their life, perhaps better described as feeling down or blue. This is a normal response to certain life events or phases. But "depression" itself is a strong word which implies a diagnosis, which is a medical condition which should not be taken so lightly as a common cold. By the time we diagnose depression, this means it has a had a longer and more severe course than the average temporary depressed mood, and should be treated accordingly. Later in the chapter, Vishton expresses the idea differently and more accurately, so I believe it was simply a poor word choice in the introduction.
This was a 5-second issue in an 18 hour audiobook, performed by the lecturer in front of a live audience when recorded. I forgive him for misspeaking and redeeming himself later! Otherwise he certainly approached important topics appropriately throughout the book.
The lecturer is fantastic. Eloquent, captivating, excellent pacing, logical structure and flow of ideas-- it was an absolute pure delight to spend time with his teaching. I trust the course material as a reliable information source because Vishton is careful not to make any broad sweeping statements. He frequently explores both sides of an issue and offers advice which is perhaps contradictory but at the same time comprehensive. For example, there is no definitive evidence stating that all video games are harmful to children, nor is there evidence stating that all video games are beneficial for development. (As it happens, Vishton made a nice analogy comparing video games to food; some are good for you, others are not, and it is the responsibility of the parent to be informed when choosing what to expose their children to).
In addition to my interest as a wannabe psychologist, I found that the advice in this book was useful to me personally as someone who might be working with kids as a doctor soon. Also, it never hurts to learn about kids in a future hypothetical sense as well! It was a nice balance to listen to this book in between chapters of Selfish, Shallow, Self-Absorbed (the collection of essays written by people who chose not to have children).
This book is simultaneously informative and fun, evidence-based and practical, scientific and relatable, gives advice without being preachy. It is everything I wanted it to be and more.* I recommend this to anyone who has an interest in psychology, who has kids, wants to have kids, or who may be involved with raising kids in some way!
STRONGLY RECOMMENDED!!!
*The thing that bothered me in this book was one line in the introduction of the Persistence chapter, on how to use failure as a tool for success. The lecturer compares depression to a common cold, saying that most people will experience it and most cases will resolve spontaneously. This is NOT true, and I believe the lecturer simply misspoke. He was almost right. I think what he meant to say is that most people will experience a "depressed mood" at some point in their life, perhaps better described as feeling down or blue. This is a normal response to certain life events or phases. But "depression" itself is a strong word which implies a diagnosis, which is a medical condition which should not be taken so lightly as a common cold. By the time we diagnose depression, this means it has a had a longer and more severe course than the average temporary depressed mood, and should be treated accordingly. Later in the chapter, Vishton expresses the idea differently and more accurately, so I believe it was simply a poor word choice in the introduction.
This was a 5-second issue in an 18 hour audiobook, performed by the lecturer in front of a live audience when recorded. I forgive him for misspeaking and redeeming himself later! Otherwise he certainly approached important topics appropriately throughout the book.
July 1, 2021
An excellent summary of key, evidence based parenting strategies/tips. I skipped the sections about things like tummy time, but here's the key things I took away from the book:
- Nutrition: Offer your kids a wide variety of foods and encourage tasting bites (like the French who insist kids eat a few bites of each food "to learn to like it")
- Behavior: Don't hit your kids, catch them being good and praise them, explain things in more detail than they understand, use reward charts with tangible prizes to get kids used to doing behaviors they way you would prefer (getting ready for bed, getting ready for school, etc)
- Parenting style: neglectful/unengaged parenting has the worst outcomes. authoritative parenting has the best outcomes (warm, enforces rules with consequences but explains the reasoning behind rules, lets the child solve his or her own problems with support
- Homework: set up a homework station and a homework covenant with your child covering when homework will be tackled. Help as little as possible but a much as your child needs.
- Languages: Learning more than one language is excellent for children, longer language training is better.
- Screentime: Less is better. none > PBS > sponge bob
- Nutrition: Offer your kids a wide variety of foods and encourage tasting bites (like the French who insist kids eat a few bites of each food "to learn to like it")
- Behavior: Don't hit your kids, catch them being good and praise them, explain things in more detail than they understand, use reward charts with tangible prizes to get kids used to doing behaviors they way you would prefer (getting ready for bed, getting ready for school, etc)
- Parenting style: neglectful/unengaged parenting has the worst outcomes. authoritative parenting has the best outcomes (warm, enforces rules with consequences but explains the reasoning behind rules, lets the child solve his or her own problems with support
- Homework: set up a homework station and a homework covenant with your child covering when homework will be tackled. Help as little as possible but a much as your child needs.
- Languages: Learning more than one language is excellent for children, longer language training is better.
- Screentime: Less is better. none > PBS > sponge bob
August 18, 2017
I'm not a fan of their use of the word "secrets" here, but the scientific part was accurate and that's what I was aiming for with this Great Courses lecture. Every section was backed by scientific evidence and the information was presented in a way that left you to make your own interpretations and draw your own conclusions. After all, no two children are the same and there's no perfect way to raise them, right?
I have read enough parenting books before that they've all started to sound roughly the same (just like self-help books, am I right?). Due to its reliance on scientific evidence, I found this lecture series to be refreshing. It has also convinced me to allow my children to continue to play video games, with moderation of course, and I will be signing them all up for martial arts, too.
I also, still, on a regular basis feel like I have no idea what I'm doing as a parent and will probably continue to just wing it and overthink everything. At least I'm not losing any sleep over my parental decisions (yet).
I have read enough parenting books before that they've all started to sound roughly the same (just like self-help books, am I right?). Due to its reliance on scientific evidence, I found this lecture series to be refreshing. It has also convinced me to allow my children to continue to play video games, with moderation of course, and I will be signing them all up for martial arts, too.
I also, still, on a regular basis feel like I have no idea what I'm doing as a parent and will probably continue to just wing it and overthink everything. At least I'm not losing any sleep over my parental decisions (yet).
April 19, 2022
I cannot pick a fault with this lecture series. Accurate and tight, it can suffice for a refresher for a Childhood Development Course and definitely a great companion for the anxious and motivated parent who is asked to be scientifically skeptical and alert to the evidence around and in front of them with respect to their children. The information here is unfortunately most useful for the parents who are already partly or predominantly on the right path - creating a confirmatory bias whilst preaching to the converted. Not that there is anything wrong with this. The broader question may be how to get some of this information out to those who need it the most - low SES parents, parents with health issues and the like? Nevertheless, the audio format of this book may be useful for clinicians and parents to encourage perhaps a chapter a day listening, even listening together, to help with the raising of vulnerable children - I intend to use it in this way!
May 31, 2017
A great review on the scientific literature surrounding the various research being done concerning some of the most important problems parents come across when dealing with their children. And with ample explanation and examples for laymen and budding parents.
Some of the few examples that really stuck with me are thus:
1. The use of the Montessori 100 board to promote development of numerical sense in young toddlers
2. emphasis of practice over intelligence to promote the development of discipline in children
3. how to balance immediate "head's start" mentality with the desire to raise children who will grow into successful adults capable of taking care of themselves.
this is a must read for all parents who care and worry about being a good parent, and not simply raising kids as trophies, out of necessity, or to use with ulterior motives.
Some of the few examples that really stuck with me are thus:
1. The use of the Montessori 100 board to promote development of numerical sense in young toddlers
2. emphasis of practice over intelligence to promote the development of discipline in children
3. how to balance immediate "head's start" mentality with the desire to raise children who will grow into successful adults capable of taking care of themselves.
this is a must read for all parents who care and worry about being a good parent, and not simply raising kids as trophies, out of necessity, or to use with ulterior motives.
September 24, 2020
I feared this would be more of a self-improvement style of book. Not sure exactly why, but I am at the point that I don't really enjoy those kinds of books. I still read them from time to time, I still think there are some good ideas and advices that can help improve or change my life, but I don't enjoy them.
This one is different. It is Great Courses. If you know them you know what's coming. 30 minute lectures, each with different topic. Each lecture here is started with short overview of 3 (science-based) tips that will be discussed in more detail in the lecture. That was perfect set up for me and I enjoyed this course as I did many others. And hopefully I will try to implement some of those tips with my kids.
Lecturer/narrator and his performance was great.
This one is different. It is Great Courses. If you know them you know what's coming. 30 minute lectures, each with different topic. Each lecture here is started with short overview of 3 (science-based) tips that will be discussed in more detail in the lecture. That was perfect set up for me and I enjoyed this course as I did many others. And hopefully I will try to implement some of those tips with my kids.
Lecturer/narrator and his performance was great.
May 8, 2020
A useful and interesting Great Courses lecture series on raising kids. Suggestions range from lots of tummy time for little ones to encourage motor development to using Montessori methods to encourage independent thinking and math learning. Team sports are great for self esteem, especially for preteen and teen girls as they go thru adolescence. Tae Kwan do and yoga are excellent for self regulation, especially among elementary aged kids. Allow your teen some autonomy and navigate these times together, leaving space for listening when they want to talk. And encourage free play and pursuit of your children's special interests instead of so much scheduling.
March 27, 2019
This is great broad and basic information for raising children. The chapters are categorized by themes such as language, physical exercise, learning, etc. My immediate thought was that I would have preferred age-based categories, as that is the chronological order in which I need the information. However, I suspect that much of what we know applies the same for most age-groups, or age simply becomes less relevant at some point. In any case, I am very glad that I took the time to go through this.
December 31, 2024
This was a very informative lecture series on the science of raising smart and well-rounded kids. It's offers evidence based information on helping kids develop in almost every facet from diet, social interaction, and physical development from birth to adolescence. It's broken up into manageable sections that make it convenient to listen to while driving or doing some chores. I would reccomend it to anyone raising children or anyone planning to.
November 12, 2017
It's true that the author does linger a bit long on how the science works, but I appreciate the effort that went into actually explaining things rather than just giving the take away message. I expected many of these to relate much more to older kids. I was pleasantly surprised to find that this book is very useful even for the early, early years. Easy to listen to and worthwhile information.
July 19, 2018
Amazing lectures if your a parent this lectures are studies on brain development and education for children from months to adolescents, I have a toddler and this lecture has provided me with a lot of helpful activities I can do with my kid and push me to be a more scientific parent and do research on his development. I strongly recommended
July 26, 2022
Very useful. Completely science-based. A meta study of 50 studies which each contains dozens of children will be much more reliable than advice from you relatives or neighbors based on anecdotal evidence.
For me, a key insight is that doing more is not necessarily better when it comes parenting, e.g. useless development games/TV shows, sleeping with the kid, helping with homework etc.
For me, a key insight is that doing more is not necessarily better when it comes parenting, e.g. useless development games/TV shows, sleeping with the kid, helping with homework etc.
October 8, 2023
A really good read. The progression through the book is roughly by age, so if your kid isn't a newborn you can skim through the early parts.
I found it really down to earth with some great ideas. Nothing revolutionary, most of it you've heard before. But it's never bad to hear what the science says.
I found it really down to earth with some great ideas. Nothing revolutionary, most of it you've heard before. But it's never bad to hear what the science says.
June 28, 2017
I keep talking about this to everyone; it's just so fascinating. A lot of the revelations are things we already know, but the value comes from the scientific background explaining why the suggestions for child-rearing are advisable.
September 13, 2017
This was awesome. Already knew (intuitively or not) more than 50% of the advice given, but that's not the point. Simple, easy to follow, with recaps and lots of practical advice that made perfect sense to me.
February 7, 2018
This book was exactly what I was hoping it would be. A series of lectures outlining studies conducted on various parenting techniques and evidence-based recommendations arising from those studies. I learned a lot from it. I'd definitely recommend it.
July 18, 2019
Super excellent. Probably the best Great Courses program I've ever listened to, and that's a high bar. REALLY interesting, would have found the whole thing fascinating even if I didn't have a kid that I would like to see grow up well adjusted.
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