Life's Work: A Memoir

by David Milch

The creator of Deadwood and NYPD Blue reflects on his tumultuous life, driven by a nearly insatiable creative energy and a matching penchant for self-destruction . Life’s Work is a profound memoir from a brilliant mind taking stock as Alzheimer’s loosens his hold on his own past.

“This is David Milch’s farewell, and it will rock you.”—Susan Orlean, author of The Orchid Thief

ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE NPR, USA Today, Kirkus Reviews

“I’m on a boat sailing to some island where I don’t know anybody. A boat someone is operating and we aren’t in touch.” So begins David Milch’s urgent accounting of his increasingly strange present and often painful past. From the start, Milch’s life seems destined to echo that of his father, a successful if drug-addicted surgeon. Almost every achievement is accompanied by an act of self-immolation, but the deepest sadnesses also contain moments of grace.

Betting on racehorses and stealing booze at eight years old, mentored by Robert Penn Warren and excoriated by Richard Yates at twenty-one, Milch never did anything by half. He got into Yale Law School only to be expelled for shooting out streetlights with a shotgun. He paused his studies at the Iowa Writers’ Workshop to manufacture acid in Cuernavaca. He created and wrote some of the most lauded television series of all time, made a family, and pursued sobriety, then lost his fortune betting horses just as his father had taught him.

Like Milch’s best screenwriting, Life’s Work explores how chance encounters, self-deception, and luck shape the people we become, and wrestles with what it means to have felt and caused pain, even and especially with those we love, and how you keep living. It is both a master class on Milch’s unique creative process, and a distinctive, revelatory memoir from one of the great American writers, in what may be his final dispatch to us all.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Biography Memoir, Writing, Audiobook, Tv

304 pages, Paperback

First published September 13, 2022

Reviews

[Jim · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've just finished reading my friend and mentor David Milch's extraordinary autobiography, LIFE'S WORK. Pushing aside as best I can the bias of immense love I have for David, I believe I can still honestly say this is the most illuminating look at creativity I have ever read, as well as a brutally, deeply brutally honest story of a man recounting his life and the indignities heaped upon him and those he feels he heaped upon others. And, finally, most painfully but enlighteningly, it is the most literate and powerful look into what Alzheimer's Disease is truly like from the inside. No one who knows anything about David Milch doubts, I think, his brilliance with the written word. But I daresay few are prepared for the level of eloquence he brings to bear on the topics he herein shares his deepest thoughts on. It is a magnificent book, from a magnificent and excruciatingly human man.
I love him with all my heart, for his kindness, his generosity, and for allowing me a small part in his artistic genius at play. If you care about art or creativity or the human experience, you simply must read this book.

[Michael Burke · Rating 4 out of 5]

David Milch is a monumental talent. I became aware of him through the DVD commentaries of the brilliant HBO “Deadwood” series he created. His actors sang his praises and spoke of him in reverential tones. He voiced a number of the features himself and brought insight into the characters and plotting. It was fascinating to hear him break down the creative process behind the arc of the show.

Like all die-hard fans, I was crushed by the premature cancellation after only three seasons. Skip thirteen long years to 2019 and word came out that finally, against all odds, HBO had greenlit a special “Deadwood: The Movie”, maybe giving closure to the fans. The announcement was bittersweet, however, as the joy was tempered with the news that David Milch was suffering with Alzheimer's, news that was only released when it was obvious his condition could not be hidden with all the press surrounding the new movie.

“Life's Work: A Memoir” opens with Milch describing the unbalanced state his world is in now, a tricky memory and distorted sense of reality. He worked on it with the help of his family, relying on recollections they have of stories Milch had relayed in the past .Especially helpful were writings his wife had been composing for years about his writing process.

David Milch is a man of extremes. He graduated at the top of his class at Yale. He was praised by Robert Penn Warren who said, “No one writes dialogue better than you.” While in the Iowa Writers’ Workshop he dropped down to Mexico to manufacture acid. He developed a heroin addiction. Attending Yale Law School passed the time until he was arrested for shooting out street lights with a shotgun and then turning his sights on the flashing lights of a police car. All this before he was even out of school.


“Hill Street Blues,” “NYPD Blue,” and “Deadwood” are just some of the projects his writing has given us. Milch goes into great detail about struggling to instill depth into each character. He often worked out personal issues in the scripts, including his own molestation as a child by a family friend. A racehorse owner, his love for the track was reflected in “Luck,” a series he created for HBO. Again, his extreme nature is stressed when his wife discovers his gambling has blown up– he had spent twenty-three million dollars at the track during a ten year period.

Much like William Goldman’s wonderful “Adventures in the Screen Trade,” this book gives tremendous insight into the nuts and bolts of the writer’s art. In “Life’s Work” we see the author striving to make his craft personal, weaving his world into the script to reflect truth. A captivating read by an amazing man.

Thank you to the Random House Publishing Company and NetGalley for providing an advance reader copy in exchange for an honest review. #LifesWork #NetGalley

[Gretchen Rubin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love a spiritual memoir, and I love a creative memoir, and this book is both. Now I want to watch NYPD Blue and Deadwood.

[Read By Kyle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Milch has so many excellent thoughts on art and storytelling, but I did find large portions of this book fairly dull. The stuff about NYPD Blue and Deadwood were very interesting, but then he does weird tangents about gambling and why that lead to Luck, which I understand, but was just bored by. However, the final chapter, when he is dealing with Alzheimer's and also trying to finish a Deadwood film, was EXCELLENT. I'd probably recommend reading the book just for the final chapter.

7/10

[Matthew · Rating 5 out of 5]

For whatever reason, I tend not to read memoirs often. However, I just had to read this due to the tremendous admiration I have for the work of David Milch. The shows for which he was showrunner/head writer completely redefined what television was capable of, especially "NYPD Blue" and later "Deadwood." If you hear David Milch's dialogue in those shows, you are listening to art in its purest form. There is an earthy yet poetic flair that is truly one-of-a-kind.

Milch, like many of his best characters, is a complicated person. As he himself might say, "there are entries on both sides of the ledger." He had a very difficult and traumatic childhood, and has struggled with addictions to drugs, alcohol, and gambling for much of his life. But he also has such profound empathy for his fellow human beings, and is a very giving person, a patient and highly engaged teacher, and a generous friend, and that really comes across in his writing time and again.

He is also struggling with Alzheimer's disease, and has been for much longer than I realized. I had no idea how advanced it was even before his work on the Deadwood movie from 2019. His brutal honesty and transparency in showing what that is like for himself as well as those around him was humbling and deeply affecting.

This book is a revelation, and I'm so glad to have read it.

[Marika · Rating 4 out of 5]

Writer and television producer David Milch recounts his life, both personal and working in this sharp-witted memoir. It begins with this sentence: “I’m on a boat sailing to some island where I don’t know anybody. A boat someone is operating and we aren’t in touch.” These two sentences perfectly sets the tone of Milch's unease about his future after being over the recent diagnosis with Lewy Body dementia. This is not an easy memoir to read and for many reasons, but it is a revelatory one for sure. If one didn't know it, this memoir would sound like a Hollywood screenwriting as it at times seems so unbelievable...but it is all fact.
The facts include his all consuming gambling addiction where he lost millions of dollars annually, his drinking and stealing booze at eight, getting thrown out of Yale Law School and being expelled for shooting out streetlights, manufacturing LSD in Mexico and more. What makes him all the more impressive is that he was able to write and create the highly popular series Deadwood and NYPD Blue during bouts of depression and being diagnosed and medicated for being bipolar (his words)
This is not a tell-all memoir, not at all. Rather it is self reflective work and one to be enjoyed at leisure.

* I read an advance copy and was not compensated

[Steve Sanders · Rating 5 out of 5]

Milch had one final masterpiece left. It’s often heartbreaking, particularly the addictions that cost him his fortune and the dementia that will eventually cost him his life and memory. But by getting his story down now he crafted his own Shakespearean tragedy and produced one of the greatest tributes I’ve ever read to the power of storytelling and the craft of writing. And the story of his rapprochement with David Caruso is worth the price of admission alone.

[Justin Gerber · Rating 4 out of 5]

“All you can ask for out of life is to get into an environment where you try to do your best. The mistake, which is one that I make a lot, is not to spend enough time appreciating how lucky you are. It goes so fast and it's so easy to have an inauthentic relation to it, which is: ‘I'm so tired. Jesus Christ, I just finished one and here comes another.’ Life will let you do that. It's important to communicate the joy and pride that you feel.”

[Shaun · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's hard to critic a memoir. That said...if you are very familiar with all of Milch's work (NYPD Blue and Deadwood specifically) you may enjoy this much more than I did. The beginning was rough...felt random and a tad difficult to follow. That happened throughout the book, but not as bad, nor noticeable, as the beginning.

I've seen nearly every episode of NYPD Blue, so that, of course, I found interesting. I've seen probably a season's worth of Deadwood many years ago, so the (very) detailed play by play of work on that was mostly lost on me. Milch seems to assume you are intimately familiar with his entire catalog of work, which will no doubt alienate some readers.

Overall he was honest and up front with his own successes and failures both personally and professionally. He discusses his dementia diagnosis and it's effect on him and his work, which has quite an effect on this reader as well. Everything else felt a bit superficial.

[Philip Girvan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Milch’s story is full of wild shenanigans, horrific recollections, Hollywood and academic intrigue, sound advice regarding writing practices particularly character development, and heart wrenching tales of loss.

It’s the story of a brilliant mind slowly being stolen away, and a final rage against the dying of the light.

Recommended.

[Pyramids Ubiquitous · Rating 5 out of 5]

Life's Work was a pretty emotional read for me and I made sure to take my time with it. David Milch is far and away the greatest writer to ever work in television until this point. In fact, he was way too smart for the industry and (partially) as a result of this his career suffered from numerous disappointments and heartbreaks, especially after the absolutely crippling and regrettable Deadwood situation. Milch makes it clear in this memoir that coming to terms with those heartbreaks are the lesson of his life and he wants to make sure that people understand that despite not being the arc they wanted or anticipated, that is the seal fixed to it.

It is upsetting to read his coming to terms with dementia and the resulting difficulties in storytelling, one of the organizing forces in his life. I can never thank Milch enough because Deadwood launched my interest in reading and writing and that was the turning point for so much in my life. In a lot of ways, I am living the exact life I wanted because his writing changed me. Even if you aren't familiar with his works, this is still a fantastic read; understanding his creative process is an absolute must for any aspiring writers.

[Sugarpuss O'Shea · Rating 5 out of 5]

I vacillated between giving this book 4 or 5 stars. For me, what makes a 5 star book is if I would read this again; the answer is yes. This book is an absolute gift. And the fact that Mr Milch wrote this while in the throes of Alzheimer's is truly astonishing. I cannot imagine writing an autobiography while looking death in the face. I am so grateful that Mr Milch was able to share his art with us one last time.

[Dan · Rating 5 out of 5]

My thank to both NetGalley and the publisher Random House Publishing Group- Random House for an advance copy of this memoir/ confession of a writer looking back at what he can remember.

At the end I guess it all comes down to balance. A skill at writing balanced by an addictive personality. A great friend, with a bad father, success at his art, with millions lost to gambling. A love of words and family, that slowly become forgotten as the day goes on. David Milch,writer and creator of acclaimed shows like NYPD Blue and Deadwood, has written a memoir of his life in Hollywood, growing up damaged and forgetting everything and everyone he knows. Life's Work is a book that is haunting, beautiful, annoying hopeful and full of creativity and hope, just like the man who wrote it.

The book begins with his family, a father who was a doctor, but addicted to pills and gambling, a bond that the son would share with his father. Alcohol came early as was betting the ponies with his father, a feeling Milch would spend most of his life chasing. Attending Yale he was mentored by the writer Robert Penn Warren, who would become a second father to Milch, and began an association with the writer Richard Yates which was never friendly, even though Milch tried to get him jobs in Hollywood, later. Fireworks, shotguns, run- ins with the cops were part of his college career, but so was learning to write. Soon he found love with a wife who must have the patience of a saint, and Hollywood came calling with script work, more gambling, more pills and more drugs. His show NYPD Blue broke new ground, his later show Deadwood was loved and acclaimed, unlike later shows which brought his old demons back with great cost. And his health began to fail, and his memory began to lapse.

The book is extraordinarily written, balanced between a guy who loves his family, friends, and his art, but loves drugs, being a jerk, and gambling. Milch has his reasons, I won't ruin anything, and his extracurricular activities hurt really don't matter, or shouldn't but to him everything seems to have a reason. For a man who seems so real and now, he is very spiritual, and it comes across in the writing. At points readers will not like this selfish jerk, in others readers won't see the page with the tears they have. Especially in writing about his health now. The worst part is reading about all the things Milch would like to have done, but knows he will not, an the pain he has caused his family, a pain he knows at this time he can never fix. One of the best memoirs I have read in awhile. Draining and beautiful.

This is a book that is a lot deeper than I expected, even though I knew some of the health issues Milch was suffering. He loves words, how to put them together to tell a story, and make a stranger across the country wipe their eyes even while typing a review. A book for a lot of people. Creative types wanting to learn the art of being creative. Hollywood types who should learn not to give their Vicodin dealer points in a show, and how Hollywood accounting works, gamblers who might like the tales of the raceways. Children of parents who are dealing with dementia, and for people facing a time when sundown means that everything they thought they knew is suddenly gone. A really wonderful book I can't recommend enough.

[Alex · Rating 3 out of 5]

'Life's Work' is prolific television writer and series creator David Milch's memoir. In it, the author invites us on his journey from bright, young, self-destructive troublemaker to mature, self-destructive troublemaker to sage. Along the way, he gives us insight into his creative process, the business of television, his relationships, and, finally, his struggle with the relentlessly incoming tide of Alzheimer's Disease.

This is an extraordinarily well-written book, but I had difficulty gaining entry to it. I'm familiar with only one of his television series, "Deadwood." Consequently, large swaths of the book were lost on me: his relationships with various actors and executives over different projects were collections of so many names. Further, I had difficulty imagining the drug-fueled world he inhabited. It was so far removed from my experience that it is easier for me to imagine robots and space battles than drug dealers and gambling addicts.

That said, Milch's insights into the creative process, the structure of story, and the mechanics of character should be required reading among literature majors of all languages. This man is a master of his craft, and he has much to teach.

Is 'Life's Work' for you? That depends. If you're a fan of Milch's television work, then it absolutely is. If you're interested in the nuts and bolts of fiction, whether televised or literary, then it absolutely is. If niether of those topics hold a particular fascination for you, you may want to move along.

[Jason Allison · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books on writing—and best memoirs—I’ve ever read. No one writes like Milch. The voice in his head is every character from Deadwood, all at once. Lyrical, unusual, poetic, profane, and remarkably insightful.

Read it.

[Cameron Kunzelman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best books I have ever read.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Time to start my Deadwood rewatch.

[Joe Osborne · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an engrossing read, deeply personal and frank. It’s a fascinating insight into a life framed by addiction and mental complexities. And a life framed by a rare level of storytelling talent which has given us some of the defining television dramas of our time.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Deeply moving, sometimes infuriating and irritating, and overall brilliant meditation on creativity, life, death, work and plenty of things around and between. I alternated reading vs audiobook and Michael Harney's narration added a lot to the flow, especially knowing how Milch used dictation to write, and how important rhythm and language were to his work. A passing familiarity with one or more of his shows probably helps ground this for a reader, but I don't think more than that is necessary to get a lot of out of this memoir.

[Zach · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most powerful and beautiful memoirs I've ever read. When I was an undergrad in English Literature at an American university, I always preferred the professors who would take hold of a class and never cede control; why did I always need to hear what my classmates (many of whom never read a sentence of the novels we were "discussing") had to say? Milch is the best professor you could ask for: he's read widely and deeply and thought through every angle of the stories he's telling. His thoughts on television and his own writing are valuable, but even more rewarding are the moments where he engages with the generations of writing and thinking that have preceded us and him and everyone else.

A true gift. I'm so glad his family helped him work through his dementia to complete this beautiful book.

[Josh · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you love Milch, you’re gonna love his memoir. Made me cry. The audiobook is pretty essential, as it’s read by Michael Harney, who was in most things he did. He’s essentially doing a Milch impression, which is extremely powerful, as you know he understands the author deeply. He’s hitting all his marks. And Milch is a wild character, but one I wish there were more of in this world, warts and all.

[Lactivist Anti-Vaccine Socialist Hippie · Rating 2 out of 5]

First off, just for the record, I was a HUGE fan of "NYPD Blue" for a couple/few years in the mid-to-late 90s, during the Jimmy Smits years. Even though technicaly I only watched a year or two when those episodes were actually airing on TV (I never really watched NYPD Blue before 1997 or so, and stopped watching within a season or so after he left the series in 1998) I watched the rest of the episodes/seasons that Jimmy Smits appeared on the show in reruns, or on video streaming and/or DVD. But even though I was a pretty big fan of [[ASIN:B07Y5M9FSN NYPD Blue]] during the Jimmy Smits years, I never knew much (if anything!) about David Milch, other than seeing his name listed in the show’s credits as a co-creator of the series (along with the late Steven Bochco), and reading an article in the late 90s or early 2000s about the many cast members who were leaving the show, allegedly because of Milch’s erratic behavior. I too had stopped watching the series around that time since I had mainly watched it for Jimmy Smits (I had a HUGE crush on him!) and after he left the show, and then others I'd liked (Sharon Lawrence, Andrea Thompson, Kim Delaney, Nicholas Turturro, James McDaniel, etc.) started leaving in droves as well, I mostly lost interest in the series myself, with all of the cast changes. But I still LOVED Season 2-5 of NYPD Blue, and thus, when I came across this book "Life's Work" by David Milch on the Netgalley website, available for free, in exchange for an honest and unbiased review, I requested it, curious & wanting to learn more about the creator (or co-creator!) of one of my favorite TV series in my late teens & early 20s.

Unfortunately, this book turned out to be a huge disappointment and I'm REALLY glad that I did NOT buy it to read, but rather got a free e-ARC (advance reader copy) from Netgalley. Because, even though I'm only on the 2nd chapter, actually a little bit into Chapter 2 (and about 13% into the book according to my Kindle meter) I literally cannot sustain any interest to keep going, especially when there are so many great books out there I've yet to read (and so little time!). This book is just SO boring to me — and while I understand that Mr. Milch has dementia/Alzheimer's as well as bipolar disorder, and as a result, his memory loss, and other issues may account for some or even a lot of his stream-of-consciousness rambling, I don't know or I'm not sure that it accounts for all of the problems that I have with this "memoir”………………………..for example, in one part I read, David Milch divulges that growing up, he was sexually abused at a summer camp in the Adirondacks and as I myself was also molested but as a preschooler, I was hoping that Mr. Milch would talk more about that. But that was not the case. While he spent several pages (maybe more?) talking about his childhood friend, Judge (or was it Judgy? I don't remember, and don't care enough to look it up!) and even Judge/Judgy's father, Jim, merited barely more than a couple lines. I mean, David talked more about his father's gambling, and working as a doctor for mobsters, as well as his childhood friend Judge/Judgy and even Judge/Judgy's alcoholic & child-abusing father, Jim, than he did about himself and HIS OWN childhood!

But I didn't get this book to read about Judge/Judgy or his father Jim, or even about David's father, Elmer Milch or Elmer's underworld connections, I got this book to read about David Milch, and there was very little that was truly about him in the chapter and a half or so that I read. It was mostly all about other people who I had/have ZERO interest in. Now as I said, I know that Mr. Milch has dementia/Alzheimers, but instead of spending time telling the reader how he had to travel to the Canadian side of the Peace Bridge in order to rescue Judgy's drunk father Jim, from a bar (I think!) when I couldn't care less about even Judgy, let alone his drunk, child-beating father, Jim, I would've much rather preferred it if David had conserved his time and limited energy & memory and actually shared more about HIMSELF. I kept hoping that that's what would happen, but it never did. Or at least it never did up to 13% into the book when I got to the part about David Milch talking about dropping acid, and manufacturing drugs in Mexico, in an almost boastful kind of way, and then I was DONE. This book MIGHT have gotten better later on, but I wasn't willing to take the chance and I bailed.

Furthermore, it really angers me how David Milch talked about his father’s and his own gambling and alcohol and drug use/abuse with an almost air of pride. Especially after reading a New York Times article (www dot tinyurl dot com/davidmilch) which mentioned that in 2011, Milch’s wife found out that he’d spent $23 MILLION at racetracks in 10 years and that they had $5 MILLION in unpaid taxes, and were $17 MILLION in debt, I was even more infuriated. I can’t stand that, while selfish, self-centered, egotistical and shallow narcissists like David Milch are FRITTERING AWAY $23 MILLION (an amount that is EXPONENTIALLY more than most people would make in MULTIPLE LIFETIMES of labor!) AT THE RACETRACK, there are MILLIONS of people literally living on the streets, sleeping in doorways, and eating out of dumpsters, and even DYING needlessly because they cannot afford insulin or other essential life-saving medical care — and rather than going after people like this (those who HAVE millions of dollars to squander) who owe MILLIONS in unpaid taxes, instead the government wastes time, money & resources going after the “little guy”, as chronicled in books like David Kirby’s "When They Come For You", and documentary films like "Farmageddon", and "America: Freedom to Fascism", and "Freedom from Choice". Meanwhile, MILLIONS even BILLIONS of dollars is lost in revenue from both these unpaid taxes & “corporate welfare” to multi-millionaires and billionaires, and yet, the US government, and even the American people still ask “who’ll pay for” and/or claim there’s no money to pay for universal healthcare, tuition-free public college and other services & programs for the public good that every single other industrialized nation, and even many developing nations manage to ensure for its populace……………….all because the American masses prefer to scapegoat and blame immigrants, minorities, and/or the poverty-stricken & low-income workers struggling to survive on the measly amount of government assistance, rather than hold those TRULY responsible for all the problems accountable. People like David Milch run through TENS OF MILLIONS of dollars without a second thought, while not only NOT paying their fair share, but not even paying what they actually DO owe, amassing MILLIONS of dollars in unpaid taxes at the expense of the rest of the population. 


On top of that, based on the attitudes in the media coverage of this book, as well as the comments of other reviewers, its seems that the public is expected to laud & commend David Milch for being a “recovered” substance abuser (and gambler!) just because of his career, and his dementia/Alzheimer’s diagnoses, when, according to his own words, he himself even MANUFACTURED drugs (albeit in Mexico), and not just relatively harmless drugs like marijuana, but HARD DRUGS, and helped spread that poison to others. But whaddya want to bet that if it hadn’t been a white upper middle-class guy (and later, a famous TV screenwriter) but a poor, disadvantaged African-American or Latino kid from the inner-city manufacturing hard drugs, and shooting out a police car siren with a shotgun that they’d have spent years, even DECADES behind bars for the stuff that David Milch basically got away with — and even now, just because he’s aging and has dementia, we’re supposed to give him a free pass??

Yet ultimately that’s what we’re all doing. Even me, by giving this book a higher rating (2 stars) than the one (1 star) that I was really tempted to give. But both because of David's mental state and dementia/Alzheimers diagnoses AND because, seeing as how I only read about about a chapter and a half of the book before I gave up, and it might have improved in subsequent chapters (especially considering all the positive reviews of it!), I’m allowing for that possibility and adding ½ a star for each of those things ( ½ star accommodation based on his mental status, and another ½ star as a “benefit of the doubt” that the book could have gotten better after the point where I left off). Which adds up to the final rating of two stars.


⭐️⭐️ 2 STARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Tom · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you David Milch, that was beautiful.

Life’s Work (great title) is brimming with so much casual insight and wisdom regarding the nature of creativity and storytelling and the intrinsic relationship between life and art. It’s an illusion to think that the two are or were ever separate. There are some Great American Writers whose primary output falls outside the traditional mediums of which great writers are expected to contribute through (ie the novel or the short story), and Milch is one of them, finding his outlet and voice through television screenwriting in a medium that has undergone vast changes (in perception and quality) since the time he turned in his first script for a Hill Street Blues episode in 1982.

I first came to know David Milch's work (and impeccable ear for dialogue) through Deadwood, probably around fifteen years ago. The show had already been cancelled for a few years at that point, but I was in a period where I so trusted HBO wholeheartedly (having just watched some of the heavyweights like The Sopranos, The Wire, Oz, and Six Feet Under) that I ordered the complete series on DVD before I’d even seen an episode. Needless to say I was not let down. Did I grasp every line of the iambic pentameter, Shakespearean dialogue? No, but I could recognize that a great fucking story was being told, and that some of these characters were a blast to watch go about their day-to-day. Plus they said “fuck” and “cocksucker” a lot, poetically somehow, and that amused 19 or 20 year old me (and it still does and always will). When the TV film finally came out in 2019, thirteen years after the show had last aired, it was such an unexpected and welcome gift (miraculous even, if I can be forgiven some hyperbole). That's what it felt like for me, I can only imagine what it felt like for David and the crew, but he words it wonderfully here, how it felt: “…the pure joy of meeting up again with old friends and jamming. We played together so beautifully.” Of course the movie and this book takes on especially poignant angle knowing about Milch’s ongoing battle with dementia - it informs the entire book - his coming to terms with that and facing the void and looking back but also very importantly staying present, or trying to, working at it every day, being grateful, showing up the best ya can. The last couple pages of this memoir are heartbreaking yet unspeakably beautiful - life affirming (I feel I’ve been throwing this term around perhaps a little too much lately and I don’t think it’s a term that should be thrown around willy-nilly but it absolutely applies here) - and I know I will return to them again and again.

I revisited Deadwood in September 2024, watching it this time with my wife (I wasn’t sure exactly how a 31 year old Thai woman would take to a Shakespearean western drama where every fourth word is an expletive but she ended up loving the series and all its colourful perfect-broken characters - yeah, she’s a keeper) and I just gained a whole new level of appreciation. To put it succinctly: it is the fucking best. Rich, rich storytelling of the highest order, full of characters who you meet and never forget (characters are people). When the series ended, after watching the movie, I found myself just watching whatever bonus features I could find on YouTube. Deleted scenes, outtakes etc, but most noteworthy I came across were interviews & discussions with David Milch, and I found that just by hearing him talk I would become entranced and inspired. Just listening to him pontificate on art and stories and the craft and the process - all of it, I loved it. Then I remembered I’d heard about a memoir that had come out recently, so I bumped that to the top of my to-read queue and here I am finishing it today on Tuesday July 1st 2025. I savored it, knew pretty early on I was reading a favourite.

As I already alluded to: this book is a goldmine of little practical and insightful nuggets about the creativity process. Milch has a singular voice and a brilliant mind, and it was real pleasure spending time with this book, getting to know more intimately the professional and personal life of the artist, his successes and failures, the could’ve and should’ve been’s and what-if’s. It’s clear Milch possesses a deep reverence for the craft and a humble gratitude for the mentors he’s lucky to have had in his life and these qualities, this reverential air of respect, emanates from the pages. He tells a few insider stories about the less-than-savoury aspects of the industry and the business of making television which were fascinating and compulsively readable but when he would get into a certain groove about the the Process and the seemingly infinite possibilities art can allow for and the ways it can transmogrify and mend and cut a path or shine a light…man is it ever good. The story he relays about the dream he had of his dead father and how he integrated it into an episode of NYPD Blue, converting it to Sipowicz’ dream encounter with his dead son - that whole passage (pg 90-96) gave me chills. Later in the book Milch writes about what he sees as a fundamental problem or concern, a serious one, which is a kind of alienation so profound that one becomes so divorced from their inner-life that they are no longer living their life but in turn their life is living them, and “the fear that they “can’t develop a predicate understanding of themselves and so they find themselves driven without any comprehensive understanding of what’s moving them…” and it’s just this whole profound train of thought that challenges or rather urges one to go inward while they still can, wade around in there, try to cultivate this sense of equilibrium while we still have our faculties, and love open-heartedly. It’s a book with weight and years one can feel, with a tangible love one can absorb and impart, with wisdom one can apply, with hope one can adopt or at least see oneself coming around to, really believing it to be true, or least seeing it as worth believing in.

I will totally be trying that Voice 1/Voice 2 writing exercise out. These are a handful of passages I made notes of while reading:

“…this process - transforming something dark or painful into something joyful by seeing it and knowing it - is the proper function of art, whether it be poetry or prose or screenwriting.” (Pg 65)

“…it’s the business of writing to get all the things that are spinning inside a person going at once, because then what you wind up with is that irreducible obstinate finality of a human being.” (Pg 100)

“…the enormous opportunity that storytelling offers is the chance to accommodate all the elements of ones own spirit into the present, into a moment where they’re all kind of alive and interacting with one another, and in being alive and interacting they become healthier.” (Pg 101)

“…the idea that we understand and control what we’re doing, and therefore ought to have a plan and guide our steps accordingly - of all my gratitude I am most grateful to have been relieved of that sense if necessity.” (Pg 130)

-

“…a facet of human nature is our ceaseless will to go on, even in the face of unspeakable pain. It’s going on is life’s organizing nature.” (Pg 267)

[Steve Portigal · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a chance to spend several hours deep deep in the mind behind NYPD Blue and Deadwood. His long riffs about character, dreams, the nature of story, philosophies about life, are illuminating if also dense and sometimes unparseable. It's better when it's about television and less accessible when it's about, well, anything else.

The process behind pitching, writing, casting, shooting, etc. some of these shows is interesting.

Milch is an interesting unreliable narrator in the way he owns up to his chaotic upbringing turning him into a junkie and gambler, and difficult chaotic boss and absent parent (but so driven! And enabled by his wonderful caring wife who protected the kids) and his alcoholism (I think) and his mental illness (his grandiosity is on display throughout) - and yet all of this honesty rings false, as it's cloaked in an apologetic self-justification somehow. This sort of confessional memoir suffers without another perspective to provide some larger context to interpret.

Of course this book is written by someone in the throes of Alzheimer's - and the intro is honest about that - and the ending indicates to some extent how disabling the disease has become, which of course invites you to question the veracity of what you've just read. It's almost, but not quite, the point.

[Colleen · Rating 4 out of 5]

David Milch is a freak of nature. He’s intellectually brilliant (first in his class at Yale, highest test score ever in the history of the university, etc.) wildly creative (creating/writing multiple uber popular, award-winning TV shows) and frighteningly reckless (running off to Mexico to make acid in some desert while in the middle of attending the Iowa Writers Workshop for an MFA.)
Milch is also alcoholic, a drug addict and a compulsive gambler — addictions that he was introduced to by his father, a prominent and successful surgeon.
That he was able to keep it all together well enough to graduate summa cum laude from Yale, attend Yale Law School and then go on to write multiple books and award-winning television shows is amazing.
Milch is the creative force behind shows like Hill Street Blues, Deadwood and my personal favorite, NYPD Blues. I loved NYPD Blue’s characters, their relationships, the dialogue, and its authentic NYC vibe.
Milch’s writing process, how he pushed the envelope to include content that was at the time controversial and revolutionary, as well as his take on the actors with whom he worked is all worth-while reading for a fan like me.

[Željko Obrenović · Rating 5 out of 5]

Autobiografija Dejvida Milča, tvorca Deadwooda i NYPD Blue, jedna je od najboljih, natužnijih, najpozitivnijih, najkorisnijih knjiga svih vremena, koje sam imao čas da pročitam. Retko se rodi ovako veliki umetnik, a slušati iz prve ruke o njegovom stvaralačkom procesu i toku svesti uopšte je privilegija. Gornji citat ponajbolje oslikava sve pomenuto.

#davidmilch #deadwood #nypdblue #dedvud #njujorskiplavci # dejvidmilc #tvserije #citati

[Lucy Martin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Screenwriting. Alzheimers. Drugs. TV. Family. Abuse. Success.
A fascinating memoir with many lessons around the art of writing, overcoming, succumbing, and passion. Would read this again for the life lessons.

[Gary · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of insight into the art of writing. Thanks

[Noam · Rating 4 out of 5]

sad story, man. so much great work and still so much unrealized potential. thankful for what he gave us at least.

[Hannah Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

Insane fucking person.