Please Dear, Not Tonight: The Truth About Women and Sex: What They Want, What They're Not Getting, and Why

by MaryJo Fay

Please Dear, Not Tonight is a rare combination of stories from real women (and a few men) exploring the questions, "Why do women have all those headaches?" and "Why is it men just want to get lucky?" And, explaining that when men know what to do, there is absolutely no luck involved in getting their women to be as excited about sex as they are! Learn the answers in straight, down to earth talk to all your sex questions including self-love, faking orgasms, building self-esteem, being honest with your partner about your needs, finding great sex (even if you've had an abusive past,) and even a discussion of the confusing findings in sexual research. Please Dear, Not Tonight will keep you in stitches while you learn more about yourself than you ever dreamed of. The special Crib Notes boxes of info are for those of you guys who just "don't have time" to study what your gal wants in intimate detail. It gives you the "Quickie" answers to what you need to know how to keep her interested and loving throughout your relationship! And if you're a guy who actually reads books, then sit down, because you'll be blown away (no pun intended) why what you're about to learn about women! Learn more about your bodies and yourselves, but most of all, learn how to have as much satisfaction in the bedroom as your man does. And, discover how you can take matters into your own hands and change the course of lovemaking for the rest of your life!

276 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2006

About the author

I was just like you not that long ago. I was a relationship mess. Yep – I survived some difficult relationships myself. From living through childhood sexual abuse, to surviving a difficult divorce after a 23 year marriage, to working for some nasty bosses, and even nearly taking my own life due to a depression that felt endless. I had to hit rock bottom before I could come up. What was the key that finally helped me realize how to get out of my predicament? That I was the common denominator in all my relationships! And I finally came to grips with what I was doing wrong and starting doing things right!

More importantly, I learned that the most difficult relationship I had,was the one I had with myself.

The changes I made in my life were incredible and from there, everyone wanted to know how I did it – how I went from the edge of being a relationship mess to someone who is so “out of her Boxx” that she now helps others heal and grow as well.

Actually, I had a rather unusual epiphany that led to my changes. During the middle of my divorce, when I felt so lost and alone, I actually “ran away from home” to live and work in Cozumel, Mexico for the most amazing six months of my life! Not only did I hide and heal, but when vacationing American women befriended me (I was a hotel concierge) and asked me what the heck I was doing there and I told them, they would say, “You’re my hero!” And then they would start telling me their own stories. And guess what? I discovered a pretty strong behavior pattern that sent me researching this phenomenon even more.

Why were there so many unhappy, dissatisfied, miserably frustrated women, I asked myself. I thought I was the only one filled with emotional confusion, low self-esteem issues, and darkly depressed about my relationships. And yet, here I was, surrounded by others in the same boat. I knew I had to heal and help others heal as well. Thus began my journey …

To add to my own experience, I interviewed countless people across the country about their relationships. And I discovered what people will tell a total stranger about their personal lives is absolutely astounding! (Especially when they just get to talk openly and aren’t filling out some limited survey.) Even more interesting is that they told me things that they wouldn’t even tell their therapists! I got information that sometimes confirmed some of what I thought, some that surprised me, and some that downright shocked me. And the two most important pieces I discovered or confirmed were these:

Most of us tend to repeat our relationship patterns and behaviors over and over again, even when they continue to prove unsuccessful.

And just like me, they found that the most difficult relationship that most of us have, is the one we have with ourselves.

Since coming out of the darkness myself, I’ve written four successful relationship books and one novel and have been quoted as a relationship expert in radio, on TV, and in print around the world. I led a support group outside of Denver for people in difficult relationships. I founded and facilitate Denver’s BEST Dating, Mating, and Relating MeetUp Group. I currently write a regular column about “Living out of the Boxx” for two newspapers. (In my book, Get Out of Your Boxx, I define a “boxx” as a behavioral pattern that holds us back from being the best we can be.) I give speeches and workshops to help people discover more about themselves and what they’re missing in life.

With my nursing education and comfort with the human body, I teach people about their sexuality and how to be more comfortable and satisfied with their intimate relationships. My work has been translated into other languages, which is always pretty fun to see. And I’ve won awards for my books and am now writing screenplays to help spread my message to a wider audience.

I’m a different kind of expert … I’m not a therapist, nor do I have training as a life coach. I do not have a PhD in psychology. I