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Freezer Burn

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Bill's got his problems. He's not overly bright, has no visible means of support, and lives with his dead mom whose social security checks might stop coming if anyone else finds out. What's a good son to do in a situation like this? Stick up the firecracker stand across the street with two buddies, naturally.

But only Bill makes it out of the bungled holdup alive, beaten down by exhaustion, exposure, and thousands of mosquito bites from the neck up. Rescued from certain doom by a cut-rate traveling freak show, Bill exploits his hideous new looks to evade police and blend in with his new comrades. And he probably won't stand out too much among the dogmen, bearded women, hermaphrodites, and the mysterious frozen man whose mute, sinister aura seems to tie them all together.

245 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1999

45 people are currently reading
934 people want to read

About the author

Joe R. Lansdale

818 books3,891 followers
Champion Mojo Storyteller Joe R. Lansdale is the author of over forty novels and numerous short stories. His work has appeared in national anthologies, magazines, and collections, as well as numerous foreign publications. He has written for comics, television, film, newspapers, and Internet sites. His work has been collected in more than two dozen short-story collections, and he has edited or co-edited over a dozen anthologies. He has received the Edgar Award, eight Bram Stoker Awards, the Horror Writers Association Lifetime Achievement Award, the British Fantasy Award, the Grinzani Cavour Prize for Literature, the Herodotus Historical Fiction Award, the Inkpot Award for Contributions to Science Fiction and Fantasy, and many others. His novella Bubba Ho-Tep was adapted to film by Don Coscarelli, starring Bruce Campbell and Ossie Davis. His story "Incident On and Off a Mountain Road" was adapted to film for Showtime's "Masters of Horror," and he adapted his short story "Christmas with the Dead" to film hisownself. The film adaptation of his novel Cold in July was nominated for the Grand Jury Prize at the Sundance Film Festival, and the Sundance Channel has adapted his Hap & Leonard novels for television.

He is currently co-producing several films, among them The Bottoms, based on his Edgar Award-winning novel, with Bill Paxton and Brad Wyman, and The Drive-In, with Greg Nicotero. He is Writer In Residence at Stephen F. Austin State University, and is the founder of the martial arts system Shen Chuan: Martial Science and its affiliate, Shen Chuan Family System. He is a member of both the United States and International Martial Arts Halls of Fame. He lives in Nacogdoches, Texas with his wife, dog, and two cats.

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 162 reviews
Profile Image for Sadie Hartmann.
Author 23 books7,716 followers
March 28, 2022
One of those “can’t put down” one-sitting-reads. No words wasted. This a little like the black and white movie FREAKS combined with a few signature details from EAST OF EDEN. The protagonist, Bill, is not a good person-he’s ignorant and self-centered so being in his head as he narrates is sad, offensive, and frustrating but there are a few characters that balance that ugliness out. I will never forget this story. All the atmosphere of a vintagey freak show carnival, Lansdale’s character development and storytelling style (laugh out loud moments and some gross, cringe-worthy moments), and non-stop action/drama. It’s basically everything I’ve ever wanted from my reading experience.
Profile Image for Char.
1,949 reviews1,873 followers
May 4, 2024
Here we have a crime novel, but if you're familiar with the work of Joe R. Lansdale, you'll already know that it's not easily categorized.

We have a fugitive joining a freak show. Said fugitive works for the show and goes on the road with it. The kindly gentleman who took him on has a beautiful wife, Gidget. That's all I'm going to say about the plot.

Being that it's Joe R. Lansdale, you know there'll be some humor in here, and there is. As Lansdale mentioned Fredric Brown, (who sometimes wrote about carnivals and circuses), and James M. Cain in the introduction, I think it's fair to say that if you like them, you'll like this. We have a noir-ish feel to the tale, as well as all the oddities that tend to appear in freak shows. Toss in Lansdale's downhome storytelling and humor and you've got yourself a damn fine book to read.

In this case, I listened to the incredible Brad Sanders' narration, and I had a great time!

Highly recommended to everyone, but especially to fans of Fredric Brown, James M. Cain and Joe R. Lansdale!
Profile Image for Ajeje Brazov.
950 reviews
July 31, 2022
Freddo nell'anima è un viaggio allucinato nel mondo dei "diversi", del degrado, di quella parte di umanità dove i sentimenti sono stati sradicati dalle radici e dove non c'è spazio alcuno per nulla che non sia l'egoismo e la violenza.
Bill, il nostro protagonista, è un ragazzo senza prospettive per il futuro, anzi nemmeno per il presente, è un'anima dannata, marcia, che vaga per le vie della sua città senza sapere come tirare avanti. Un bel giorno incontrerà un luna park davvero stravagante, anzi bizzarro e grottesco, dove gli "scherzi della natura" vengono esposti come spettacolo per la gente "normale", insomma Bill si rifugerà in quel focolare fatto di stramberie e situazioni al limite dell'assurdo, ma...

Big Joe non si smentisce mai, ha quella capacità di narrare che mi fa sentire a casa alla prima frase che inizio a leggere, anche e soprattutto quando racconta di situazioni estreme e allucinatorie. L'ho letto in un soffio e si dovrebbe leggere in un istante, perchè questo racconto ti avvolge nel suo vortice d'incubo e non ti molla più, fino ad un finale che colpisce.
E tu sei lì, come sempre, con una birra annacquata in una mano e il libro nell'altra, sulla tua bella e logora amaca, appesa ai pilastri della baracca che sei riuscito a comprare dal vecchietto con la barba lunga bianca chiazzata di giallo brunito dal troppo fumare la pipa, che avevi incontrato nel lontano West, in un fottuto buco di culo nel Texas, dove il caldo non solo lo si percepisce, ma lo si sente addosso appiccicoso come del sangue rappreso su un cadavere lasciato a macerare nel deserto! E prendendoti una pausa per cambiare l'acqua al pipistrello, ecco un riverbero lontano ma tremendamente tangibile, cosa sarà mai? Poi capisci, anzi realizzi, che non è altro che il sogghigno diabolico di Big Joe eheheheheheheh
Profile Image for Bandit.
4,946 reviews578 followers
January 8, 2014
While Texas, rednecks and Texan rednecks might be far from the subjects that interest me, leave it to Lansdale to spin a fun yarn despite it all. What primarily attracted me to this book was a traveling carnival setting, one that the main hero of the book good looking, dumb as dirt and even less capable Bill stumbles into after botching a crime. There is folksiness to Lansdale writing that I could take or leave, but also charm and humanity and wit and humor that are really appealing. This is a sort of wacky morality tale. Very entertaining, very quick read. Recommended.
Profile Image for Chad.
Author 89 books742 followers
June 20, 2023
4.5 Stars. If you know me, you know I cherish Lansdale. I nabbed a signed copy of this recently and just ripped through it. Hilariously chaotic, sexy, and gritty.
Profile Image for Amos.
824 reviews273 followers
March 2, 2025
1) Mix a repulsive waster, a carnival of freaks and a hoochie from hell
2) Soak mixture in apathy and self-loathing
3) Bake in resentment
4) Wrap end result with a bow tied by Satan herself
5) Freezer Burn is served!

3 1/2 Sordid Stars
Profile Image for Andy.
Author 18 books153 followers
December 20, 2009
If Jim Thompson were to pass his psychobilly noir crown to anyone the heir apparent hands down would be Joe Lansdale, period.
Rotting corpses, fireworks stands, swamps, Buckwheat-clone siamese twins, Walmart goddesses, water moccasins, corn dogs, freak shows, "Freezer Burn" is the greasiest, creepiest Creedence Clearwater Revival song set to fiction.
Profile Image for Holly (The GrimDragon).
1,179 reviews282 followers
December 27, 2019
3.5 Stars~

Is there anyone out there who captures a reader so quickly and consistently as Joe Lansdale? He tends to have these openings that make you sit up and pay attention IMMEDIATELY.

"Bill Roberts decided to rob the firecracker stand on account he didn't have a job and not a nickle's worth of money and his mother was dead and kind of freeze-dried in her bedroom."

That's it. That's how this begins. Fucking hell!

Bill's mother died in her sleep one night. She went to bed and just never woke up. Besides the small amount of cash his mother used to give him when her benefits cheques came in, Bill didn't have any money. The problem is, if Bill reported that she had passed away, then he would lose the house and not have anywhere to live. His mother owned everything, providing him with shelter and food, but not much else in the way of survival and teaching him how to be a 'decent member of society'. She ends up leaving him nothing in her will, instead choosing to give it to a charity that provides veterinarian research for cats. Being in her 80's and having no friends or family, Bill is able to hide the fact that she has passed away and continue to collect her Social Security cheques.. which he is actually too afraid to cash.

The electricity eventually gets turned off, all the refrigerated food gets spoiled and Bill decides he should probably do something about his situation. He plans to rob a firecracker stand across the highway from his house, because it seems to get a lot of customers. But he can't do it alone. That's where Bill's two dim-witted friends, Chaplin and Fat Boy, come in. They are going to help Bill hot wire and steal a car, then rob the stand at night when there is just one person working. Their hope is that there will be plenty of money.

Unsurprisingly, the heist ends in disaster.

Bill flees the scene, disappears into a swamp, encounters a metric fuck ton of mosquitoes that make his face swell rather hideously and ends up travelling with a 'freak show'. I'm paraphrasing and yet.. damn.

Lansdale usually writes such memorable, richly depicted characters. You can't help but fall in love with them! However, the main protagonist in Freezer Burn is highly unlikable and it's hard to find any semblance of sympathy for him.

Lust, conspiracies, mystery, manipulation, dark humor and one freezer-burnt corpse. The story was unexpected, feeling quite different from most of Lansdale's other work. Yet, it's still written in the unrivaled Lansdale way. Strong language; themes relevant then and unfortunately now; flawed characters; bizarre humor.

There aren't many writers who can carry a story as depressing as this one, but Lansdale manages to somehow produce it into a page-turner. He makes you think about difficult topics one minute, whipping you into a poignant mess of emotions; and then before you know it, you're laughing your face off at something deliciously twisted.

Joe Lansdale is simply an outstanding storyteller!
Profile Image for Francesca   kikkatnt 'Free Palestine, Stop Genocide'.
380 reviews18 followers
April 23, 2022
GDL Benvenuti a Dunwich Horror
https://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/...

Un chiaro omaggio al capolavoro di Tod Browning, in cui l'autore ci porta a chiederci quali siano i veri mostri: sono i fenomeni da baraccone di un circo, altrimenti detti freaks, che per colpa di uno scherzo della natura sono nati deformi? Oppure sono persone con un aspetto apparentemente "normale" ma che sono deformi dentro alla loro anima?
Un romanzo a tinte forti, pregno di humor nero, con un linguaggio volutamente volgare che rispecchia in tutto e per tutto la vita amara e frustrante di queste persone che non hanno nessun'altra aspettativa se non quella di sopravvivere.
Profile Image for Michael Fierce.
334 reviews23 followers
August 9, 2015
  description

4 1/2 stars. A thoroughly engrossing thriller packed with all you would hope to expect from Lansdale + some perfectly wild, offbeat humor, centered around the most oddball cast of misfits you'll find - or hopefully not find - anywhere else on the fat side of this planet.

*Really worth 5 stars as far as entertainment goes but I have to notch it down a bit so as to differentiate my favorites by him in comparison to his other very fine and worthy reads.
Profile Image for Autumn Christian.
Author 15 books337 followers
July 22, 2021
What a fantastic book about a grimy, rotten person. Nobody writes like Joe Lansdale.
Profile Image for Karl.
3,258 reviews371 followers
April 30, 2015
This is copy 264 of 400 signed numbered copies.
Profile Image for Vaelin.
391 reviews67 followers
May 19, 2023
This book was a pleasure to read:

* Great punchy, descriptive narrative
* Interesting characters
* Short chapters
* Plenty of dark humour

I really need to explore more of Lansdale's catalogue!
Profile Image for Kurt Reichenbaugh.
Author 5 books80 followers
July 17, 2010
I read most of Joe R. Lansdale's books and have enjoyed them all. This one is probably my favorite. I'm a sucker for sideshows, carnivals, bad women and noir. This one has them all.
Profile Image for myreadingescapism.
1,274 reviews15 followers
March 4, 2025
I was repotting some of my plants while listening to this and I thought I must have zoned out because NOTHING WAS HAPPENING. There was so much being said but like I found Bill to be intolerable. I did chuckle a few times because wtf.. but I was bored for a good chunk of this. Apparently so, as my plant repotting was more interesting. 🫠
Profile Image for Chana.
1,632 reviews149 followers
February 7, 2016
The writing in this book is stand-out good. Simply awesome writing. In some ways it could be the story of any of us, although different circumstances for each of us. I kept thinking of Psalm 19: ".... hold back your servant from willful sins, let them not prevail over me; then I will be unblemished and keep myself clean of gross transgression." And from the Catholic prayer Our Father, "...lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil."
Bill is somewhat stupid and incompetent, very lax moral code, looking out for #1 but he does it poorly. He makes a plan to commit a crime with two friends, the plan goes badly awry and Bill needs to run. He runs into a traveling "freak" show. He has a chance to be a good man. Temptation draws him into darkness.
What is a freak, my friends? What is a freak? The question resonates throughout the book. A dark tale of choices and consequences.
I want to read the rest of Joe R. Lansdale's books.
Profile Image for The Face of Your Father.
272 reviews30 followers
July 7, 2024
This was like a drunk uncle trying to recite the plot of FREAKS to his buddies at a nudie bar in Lubbock.. insanely readable but Jesus, Joe.. Flannery O’Connor was supported by crutches most of her life and she still stands stronger than you when it comes to Southern Gothic. A lesser Lansdale for sure. 2.75.
16 reviews
March 24, 2022
Pretty hilarious and cool setting some of the freaks lacked back story I would have enjoyed to hear more about.
Profile Image for Dan Soule.
Author 23 books56 followers
April 26, 2022
Probably a 3.8, which is good. I enjoyed this quirky, whimsical story which I've seen described as 'white trash gothic'. It's worth reading purely for Lansdale's prose style, which is Bradbury-esque.
Profile Image for Heath Lowrance.
Author 26 books100 followers
July 18, 2014
Bill is a loser in the classic mold, a shiftless fella without much brains or ambition. He's been living off his mother's social security checks, but when she dies (and her corpse starts stinking the place up) the pipeline dries up and Bill comes up with a scheme to rob a fireworks stand across the street from his house. The "heist" goes south in a hurry, and Bill has to take it on the lam through a dangerous swamp. He winds up joining a travelling freak show, making friends with a dog boy, and falling hard for the freak show owner's sexy young wife... and of course, the wife has a plan to do away with her husband...

If you've read any old Gold Medal paperback originals from guys like Charles Williams or Day Keene or Robert Edmund Alter, or even if you've read James M. Cain, you already know this story backwards and forwards. But Lansdale does the Lansdale thing with it, making it hysterically funny at times, dark, profane, a little vile on occasion, but compellingly readable. There are lots of surprises along the way, some truly memorable characters and scenes, and seeing the way Bill changes (in some ways he becomes a better person, and in other ways, well... not so much) is fascinating.

Also, I should note, the whole opening segment involving the botched robbery and Bill's escape through the swamp is one of the funniest things I've ever read in my life. It was disturbing too, but I couldn't help but laugh out loud a few times.
Profile Image for Marvin.
1,414 reviews5,408 followers
September 4, 2010
Freezer Burn is a literary mixture of Freaks and Double Indemnity. Author Joe R. Lansdale has filled this bookl with his usual array of grossness, political incorrectness, and dark humor. However it doesn't gel as well as his other novels. Main character Bill is just a little too idiotic to care about and the femme fatale Bridget is not all that believable in the femme fatale department. About the only character that comes alive is the dog-faced Conrad aka Rex, The Wonder Dog. Yet, it is typical Lansdale which means you are bound to be enthralled with the twists and turns of this fun novel.
Profile Image for Paul.
582 reviews24 followers
February 28, 2018
Had all the ingredients of a smash Lansdale hit; A traveling freak show, with a bearded lady, pin-heads, co-joined Siamese twins who are always quarreling and beating the shit out of each other, lust, star-crossed lovers, a man with a hand growing out of his chest (an absorbed twin?) and an iced man (supposedly a frozen Neanderthal)... it's all there. Hypothetically... potentially. But for me and a rarity for Lansdale, he just doesn't seem to be able to pull it off.
A big yawn. A disappointment.
Profile Image for Trin.
2,303 reviews676 followers
March 27, 2020
This one's got a lot of great ingredients -- interesting characters, outrageously pulpy elements, some great set pieces, Lansdale's usual sharp writing, dark humor -- but it doesn't really go anywhere interesting, or add up to much. Lansdale lays out the gothic/noir tropes with panache, but doesn't subvert them in any real way, or make from them something new.
Profile Image for Cliff's Dark Gems.
177 reviews
November 23, 2022
Dumb protagonist, weird freak show characters, just ok plot and storytelling. So why the hell did i give this book 4 stars? Simple really, it was stupidly easy to read, highly entertaining and delivers a seriously important message to all men out there. You need to think with your BRAIN not your other brain if you want to get ahead in life!

Lansdale has a sick twisted mind and I love it.
Profile Image for Lightblue.
758 reviews32 followers
January 29, 2014
Il solito Lansdale che da una parte stupisce per espedienti stilistici e fantasia, ma dall'altra stufa un pochino, soprattutto in quanto a volgarità.
Profile Image for Kim.
767 reviews10 followers
November 4, 2018
I have heard this is not Lansdale's best work which excites me because this was the first book I read by him and I thought it was great!
Profile Image for Kristina.
373 reviews30 followers
January 14, 2023
Since I am in love with Jo Quenells novella, The Mud Ballad..she recommended this book to me since it inspired her story. I can see some similarities with the vibe and atmosphere but really...The Mud Ballad is much better imo.

This is a story about a young man who is in need of money so he plans to rob a fireworks stand. Things go rogue and he ends up coming across a "side show" where they take him in to aid him.

For the first half of the book, it had some awkward moments that were not fun to read. Granted this was released in 1999 timeframe so society wasn't the most pc back then but jeez..being in the main characters head was frustrating. Lots of crude descriptions and slurs. At one point though, another character shuts him down and corrects his language. I appreciate that Lansdale atleast did that but I get it.. The MC is unlikable but does have some character growth which was nice.

The spicy scenes caught me off guard..lol some sex scenes seemed so random. The thing that lost me was the end. It was a bit predictable and it wasn't satisfying for me. I wanted a few more pages because it just felt incomplete. The first half of the book is so strong that the ending had to balance it out but it didn't for me.

Overall, an enjoyable plot, decent delivery with a lackluster ending. This is my first Lansdale so I look forward to reading more from him. I am glad I read this and listened to Jo's recommendation.

3/5
Profile Image for David.
2,571 reviews56 followers
August 16, 2024
There aren't a lot of authors for whom you'd say without hyperbole, "nobody else writes like that." Vonnegut, Nabokov, Joyce, Gaiman, maybe Dean Koontz in his prime. Joe R. Lansdale has to be high on such a list. That doesn't mean he's a must-read for a lot of readers. This is neo-noir and pulp fiction with a very hard R rating. But it's also infused with a combination of redneck caricatures, black comedy, crazy but witty narrative and dialog along with completely absurd situations that, seriously, only Lansdale can do like this. I mean...this book starts off with the character Bill living with his mother's half-mummified corpse that he won't report so that she keeps getting pension checks for him to cash. Then he decides to rob a firecracker stand with friends and it goes horribly wrong. He flees to a swamp where he gets horribly mosquito-bit combined with an allergic reaction to allow him to blend in with a carnival freak show where it then becomes a femme fatale plot thanks to the boss's wife. Very wild, raunchy, and again...original.
214 reviews23 followers
July 31, 2022
Un simpatico viaggetto tra gli scarti dei derelitti di una sottosocietà alla deriva. Lansdale scrive delle cose più crude e ripugnanti con un sorriso sornione stampato in faccia, lo stesso sorriso che si vede sulla faccia dei suoi lettori. Prosa veloce, popolare, divertente. L'inizio del romanzo è una fucilata, BAM!, in piena faccia, da vero sbarazzino della tastiera, uguagliato forse solo dal finale ugualmente forte, veloce e sorprendente. Il resto del romanzo sono le avventure all'interno del luna park, quasi un topos letterario e cine-televisivo, nel quale è forte e dichiarato l'omaggio al capolavoro di Todd Browning (one of us, one of us abbaia l'uomo cane appena vede in nostro Bill.) Belli i personaggi, uno più storto dell'altro, in mezzo ai quali Bill quasi riesce ad arrivare al ruolo di eroe protagonista nonostante la sua pochezza. Fra tutti un pensiero alla mamma di Bill, ancora stesa nel suo letto dall'inizio del libro. In fondo è l'unica che diceva cose sensate!
Voto:7
Profile Image for Marco Landi.
618 reviews40 followers
June 7, 2025
grottesco e bizzarro come pochi altri suoi lavori.. si, resta un noir, ma c'è davvero un botto di roba assurda dentro.. un circo di fenomeni da baraccone, una biondina mozzafiato, un uomo-cane e un fallito totale.. l'amore e la morte due facce di una sola medaglia.. sul finale cala un po', ma l'inizio è davvero tanta roba..
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