Keep Your Crowbar Handy...

The Crowbar Chronicles #1

by S.P. Durnin

Zombies. Not fun. At all. Jake O'Connor can testify to that. In fact, the recently dead rising to consume the living pretty much puts a permanent damper on someone's social life. That is, unless your best friend is a lunatic, you know a buxom martial arts enthusiast who likes to hit the clubs on the weekends, and your landlord collects engines of destruction like some people collect postage stamps.

“Keep Your Crowbar Handy...” drops the reader headlong into the frightening (but sometimes comical) world of a zombie apocalypse, literally with a bang. S.P. Durnin captures the craziness of it all by focusing on an unlikely group of survivors as they attempt to not drive each other crazy, work together despite some rather odd personality quirks, and stay alive in a city now full of the mobile dead. A mix of tongue-in-cheek humor, apocalyptic action/adventure, and proof that love doesn't always conquer all.

Sometimes, you just need to use a crowbar...

Genres: Zombies, Horror, Post Apocalyptic

500 pages, Paperback

First published December 6, 2012

About the author

Still classified. :)

Reviews

[Shana Festa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought Keep Your Crowbar Handy nearly a year ago, when it was a self-published title and before it was picked up by Permuted Press.

Back then, I gave the book four stars, but I've got to hand it to Durnin and Permuted, they worked through the small issues I had with the book and the editing quality really improved.

Keep Your Crowbar Handy is unique. It's zombies, for sure, but the characters are intriguing and unique. Do-good journalist, Jake is standing in line at the pharmacy with his elderly neighbor when a woman starts berating the employee attempting to help her. Jake steps in and gives the woman a verbal tongue-lashing in defense of the blue-haired Asian girl behind the counter. Kat sets him up with her roommate, Laurel, the Irish redhead, and it's love at first sight. Don't worry about Kat, though, the sexy vixen hooks up with Jake's daredevil best friend, Allen.

Lucky for Jake, his ex-military landlord George is prepared for everything, including the zombie apocalypse! Durnin does a great job starting out with action right off the bat. The tension builds parallel to character development until the two meet in a clash.

I also enjoyed the fact that there is no pussyfooting around. The character's first reaction to the chaos is 'zombies'. They don't question what is going on, or try to come up with any cockamamie excuses. So there is no time spent in denial.

The first thing I did upon completing Keep Your Crowbar Handy was ask the author how long I had to wait until the next book. That, in my opinion, is the true testament to a good book. It engaged me enough to keep reading straight to the end and left me wanting to know what happens next. The characters are solid, the plot is well-structured and merely pushes at the boundaries of realism, making it just believable enough that the zompoc could really go down that way. Oh, and the zombies are plentiful.

If you enjoy fun zombie fiction with just a hint of a military feel, and want an easy read, Keep Your Crowbar Handy is the book for you. 4.5 Stars from The Bookie Monster.

[Cedric Nye · Rating 4 out of 5]

Awesome book! S.P. Durnin takes you on a wild ride through the Zombie Apocalypse, all the while showing us both the best of people, and the worst of people. If you like Zombies, you will love this book! If you like books, you will love this book! And, now trust me when I say this; if you like crow-bars, yeah, YOU WILL LOVE THIS BOOK! "Keep Your Crowbar Handy" by S.P. Durnin was a very enjoyable read.

[Marcie pollack · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was lucky to receive this book free in exchange for a honest review so here goes!

"Keep Your Crowbar Handy" is a story about the Zombie Apocalypse, author S.P. Durnin does a fine job capitalizing on Pop Culture by giving us a fresh, faced paced, page turner. The beginning of the book is well done with the first few chapters of character development having a slightly different approach which I thoroughly enjoyed. Poor Tracy.. That's all I am sayin! S.P. created the perfect hero in Jake! Jake is the "boy next door" who has no idea how cool he actually is. All the supporting characters in one word... AWESOME! As for the heroine.. You will just need to read the book to find out!
This book has "Great Bones" a strong beginning that doesn't start out in utter chaos, a well developed middle filled with action, fighting and yep.. even romance... and a ending that surly promises MORE! With that being said the editing of this book is not so good. There are spelling and grammatical errors that should have been and still need to be corrected. The other thing that I found annoying was the overuse of character references. By the time I got to the last few chapters in the book I felt like screaming whenever I saw things like "wild haired writer","sexy redhead", or indigo haired ninja, my poor brain kept trying to eliminated them.
All in all this was a good book and I did recommend it to friends.. I can not wait to read the next book.. I have to know what happens.. And lastly.. Being from Ohio.. It was cool that the start of this story took place in Columbus!

[Jason Brant · Rating 5 out of 5]

The over-the-top skills and sexiness of all the main characters had me a little thrown off at first. I couldn't quite place what the styling reminded me of until it I thought of Left 4 Dead. The characters are hot, super tough, and zombie-killing machines. And, apparently, horny as hell.

Not that I can blame them. There isn't much to do at the end of the world.

The main character, Jake, is in about as good a position as one can be in during the zombie apocalypse. Guns? Yup. Safe place to stay? Check. Sexy women? Oh yeah.

This is definitely worth a read if you're a zombie freak who likes some action above, and under, the sheets.

[Nikita · Rating 2 out of 5]

Could've been 4 stars but stupidly using everything other than the characters' names got really old and plodding. By the time I was done I wanted to find Durnin, tie her/him to a laptop and force her/him to correct it. What're editors doing these days?

[Terri · Rating 4 out of 5]

The only thing I disliked about this book is the love triangle that went on for too long. Otherwise, I really liked it!!

[Kit · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read : March 21, 2024
Rating : 3,5 Stars

This was quite suprisingly pretty fun, since I initially saw the cover art of the paperback and that gave me heavy cringe.

But having read quite a bit of zombie books with admittedly even more horrible covers that turned out to be pretty good I decided to give this a try as well.

The kindle cover of this is a lot better but the story is engaging enough that it doesn't really matter.

It doesn't reinvent the wheel or do anything fancy with it but it's just good old reliable zombie fun, although some things annoyed me
The again, there's almost always something that annoys me with zombie tales.

Most of the crew are over the top prepared or get that way realll fast with barely anyone taking the
"no, it must have been a delusion, or something else, anything else, it can't be dead walking"
or the
" no one deserves to be murdered, not even zombies, stop shooting them, I don't condone violence"
So at least that's good since that always makes me wanna slap some sense into fictional characters but overly prepared is also meh meh.

I like my zombie books to have relatively high stakes and mainly a lot of zombie and survival action, not necessarily a big amount of "ppl are shit and will do horrible things to others" since that happens enough already sans zombies.

This had that relatively balanced and I hope in coming books that it will stay that way.

The romance parts were weird, it feels kinda skeevy, but maybe I expect to much maturity and expect them to just talk about it like, you know, the adults they are???

[Allison Pish · Rating 5 out of 5]

All I can say is WOW! Zombies...what else can you say?

The style of writing, the characters (the way he makes them seem so real (many can't do that)), his knowledge of different/almost everything and something unique!

I thoroughly enjoyed it!

Book 2 I hope it isn't too long in the making, I am already antsy! (I am not a patient person when it comes to my books!)

[Brian · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty good easy read. Kind of like Shaun of the dead though not as funny. It’s what you hope would happen in The zombie apocalypse, meet hot girls, get cool guns, find great hideouts, and no major characters die, unlike the other zombie book I’m reading where it’s heavy, hard and sad. So this is a fun zombie series. Enjoy!

[C.T. Phipps · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's like The Real World meets The Walking Dead.

If this combination intrigues you, you should definitely check out this novel. If it sends you screaming in the other direction, then you should not. Keep Your Crowbar Handy attempts to do something different with the zombie genre and for more than half the book is a subversion of your typical post-apocalyptic tale.

Our protagonists manage to be impossibly lucky and have the right combination of people to not only survive the initial outbreak but know a Doomsday prepper who was rich as well as paranoid enough to build a house-sized fallout shelter. In terms of the zombie apocalypse, it is the equivalent of winning the lottery five times in a row. Except, of course, our protagonists are all twenty-somethings with a couple of middle-aged adults shoved together with nowhere to go and a slow dawning realization no one is going to rescue them. As George Romero's movies show, the biggest danger in this sort of situation isn't zombies but your fellow survivors.

I was back and forth on the book for much of the first half until I realized just what S.P. Durnin was doing. It's a story which works on a slow burn and has a nice element of satire to it. Our protagonists are beautiful, young, hedonistic folk who would be right at home on MTV or Friends with the small exception most are unusually badass. I'll get more into this but this is what lends the book its unique feel.

The book takes place in a sort of exaggerated zombie-slaying video-game or humorous action movie universe where everyone is sexy and tough but acts like the kind of person you'd meet at the mall. Even one-chapter characters like Tracy are entertaining this way.

Our protagonist, Jake, is a laid back hipster who just happens to be an ex-SAS soldier, anime geek, editor, fabulous lover, and all-round nice guy. He's accompanied by Kat and Laurel who are two badass women without his special training but equally laid-back take on the apocalypse.

One has a sword.

And no, it's not a polygamy situation--a pity, too, since I actually think it'd make sense in this situation. Last man on Earth and all that. Keep Your Crowbar Handy is the sort of book where it's less important that the end of the world is happening outside than events have forced a bunch of people together in a tiny space they can't leave. At least for the first half of the book. Boredom and abrasive personalities are the biggest dangers for the majority of the book rather than cannibal corpses.

I can't say this is remotely realistic as you'd think one of this group would start to wonder if their family was horrifically killed (and one is). However, it fits with the book's metaphor, which is the zombie-apocalypse is pretty much your twenties. You're forced to with impossible situations and a large scary world but as long as you're in your apartment, you're relatively safe. That is, of course, until the food runs out and you need to go into the Big Bad WorldTM to keep the lights on.

I liked the metaphor in Shaun of the Dead and this is a more glamorized American take on it. Our protagonists are even taken care of by their metaphorical parents, carrying their asses when they're too busy focused on enjoying themselves. I will say the author went overboard making Jake a sort of living god of idealized Generation Y manhood and spent too much time focusing on who was sleeping with who over the flesh-eating monsters outside. However, it's hard to fault the author too much because I liked the characters and their romances.

Those more interested in apocalyptic action and zombie-slaying also only half to wait for the latter half of the book to get their fill. While the first half is mostly action-less with a single extended chase scene, the second is wall-to-wall undead murder. Kat, Jake, and Laurel earn their monster hunter credentials three times over during this section and I'm quite pleased with it.

Keep Your Crowbar Handy is a quirky-quirky book and I enjoyed reading it. I loved the characters, too, and recognize all of their are true-to-life in their personalities. They're sexy as hell too. Hell, I married a girl like Kat (also named Kat weirdly enough). The humor in the book is great and there are large segments where I became invested in the personal struggles of our heroes.

A lot of people have attempted to do the same zombie apocalypse over and over again. A bunch of survivors, trapped together, desperate, and then slowly picked off one by one until the survivors bleakly move on. Keep Your Crowbar Handy is not that book. It's a book which a girl with a Hello Kitty tattoo and sword slays a bunch of zombies while debating tossing her boyfriend's ex into the horde of undead outside. Which is great.

7.5/10

[C.T. Phipps · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's like The Real World meets The Walking Dead.

If this combination intrigues you, you should definitely check out this novel. If it sends you screaming in the other direction, then you should not. Keep Your Crowbar Handy attempts to do something different with the zombie genre and for more than half the book is a subversion of your typical post-apocalyptic tale.

Our protagonists manage to be impossibly lucky and have the right combination of people to not only survive the initial outbreak but know a Doomsday prepper who was rich as well as paranoid enough to build a house-sized fallout shelter. In terms of the zombie apocalypse, it is the equivalent of winning the lottery five times in a row. Except, of course, our protagonists are all twenty-somethings with a couple of middle-aged adults shoved together with nowhere to go and a slow dawning realization no one is going to rescue them. As George Romero's movies show, the biggest danger in this sort of situation isn't zombies but your fellow survivors.

I was back and forth on the book for much of the first half until I realized just what S.P. Durnin was doing. It's a story which works on a slow burn and has a nice element of satire to it. Our protagonists are beautiful, young, hedonistic folk who would be right at home on MTV or Friends with the small exception most are unusually badass. I'll get more into this but this is what lends the book its unique feel.

The book takes place in a sort of exaggerated zombie-slaying video-game or humorous action movie universe where everyone is sexy and tough but acts like the kind of person you'd meet at the mall. Even one-chapter characters like Tracy are entertaining this way.

Our protagonist, Jake, is a laid back hipster who just happens to be an ex-SAS soldier, anime geek, editor, fabulous lover, and all-round nice guy. He's accompanied by Kat and Laurel who are two badass women without his special training but equally laid-back take on the apocalypse.

One has a sword.

And no, it's not a polygamy situation--a pity, too, since I actually think it'd make sense in this situation. Last man on Earth and all that. Keep Your Crowbar Handy is the sort of book where it's less important that the end of the world is happening outside than events have forced a bunch of people together in a tiny space they can't leave. At least for the first half of the book. Boredom and abrasive personalities are the biggest dangers for the majority of the book rather than cannibal corpses.

I can't say this is remotely realistic as you'd think one of this group would start to wonder if their family was horrifically killed (and one is). However, it fits with the book's metaphor, which is the zombie-apocalypse is pretty much your twenties. You're forced to with impossible situations and a large scary world but as long as you're in your apartment, you're relatively safe. That is, of course, until the food runs out and you need to go into the Big Bad WorldTM to keep the lights on.

I liked the metaphor in Shaun of the Dead and this is a more glamorized American take on it. Our protagonists are even taken care of by their metaphorical parents, carrying their asses when they're too busy focused on enjoying themselves. I will say the author went overboard making Jake a sort of living god of idealized Generation Y manhood and spent too much time focusing on who was sleeping with who over the flesh-eating monsters outside. However, it's hard to fault the author too much because I liked the characters and their romances.

Those more interested in apocalyptic action and zombie-slaying also only half to wait for the latter half of the book to get their fill. While the first half is mostly action-less with a single extended chase scene, the second is wall-to-wall undead murder. Kat, Jake, and Laurel earn their monster hunter credentials three times over during this section and I'm quite pleased with it.

Keep Your Crowbar Handy is a quirky-quirky book and I enjoyed reading it. I loved the characters, too, and recognize all of their are true-to-life in their personalities. They're sexy as hell too. Hell, I married a girl like Kat (also named Kat weirdly enough). The humor in the book is great and there are large segments where I became invested in the personal struggles of our heroes.

A lot of people have attempted to do the same zombie apocalypse over and over again. A bunch of survivors, trapped together, desperate, and then slowly picked off one by one until the survivors bleakly move on. Keep Your Crowbar Handy is not that book. It's a book which a girl with a Hello Kitty tattoo and sword slays a bunch of zombies while debating tossing her boyfriend's ex into the horde of undead outside. Which is great.

7.5/10

[Patrick D'Orazio · Rating 4 out of 5]

Keep Your Crowbar Handy introduces the reader to Jake, a free-lance journalist who has traveled the world and has been exposed to many war-torn countries in his journeys abroad. He was also embedded with the British SAS for a time, getting intense military training during one stint as a reporter. He has returned home to Ohio, working on tamer projects including editing a cook book to pay the bills. He has just met Kat, a Pharmacy Tech who thinks he would be a perfect match for her roommate, Laurel, a part-time singer who runs her own health food store. He agrees to meet up with them at a local bar along with his friend Allen, and Jake and Laurel hit it off, despite his initial (and ongoing) interest in Kat as more than just a friend. Unfortunately for them, it is the same night that the world is going to hell and the dead are coming back to life.
The story tells of Jake’s efforts to save his new found friends along with some of his old ones, including his landlord, a former military man, from their deaths at the hands of the undead as well as the living. This was an independent novel from SP Durnin, but has been picked up by Permuted Press to be re-released as a series of books (this novel plus several sequels).
Keep Your Crowbar Handy isn’t another tale of a bunch of regular folks barricading themselves in an apartment building with the hopes of being saved by the military. Instead, it is a tale of a group of well-armed and well trained individuals who plot how they can make it through 2,000 miles of deadly territory to what they hope is an area out west that has been cleared of the undead. It is also a tale of romance-the love triangle of Jake, Laurel, and Kat.
Jake has military training and Kat, who is half-Japanese, has extensive training in martial arts and weaponry, which makes her even more deadly than Jake against the undead and the living. Naturally, they face off against more than just zombies, as the world falls apart and desperate men and women fight to take the resources that Jake and his friends have at their disposal, along with the survivors they have rescued.
The story moves at a fast pace and the action is gripping. Jake is a strong, though reluctant leader/hero, and his character, along with Laurel and Kat, are well developed. They along with Allen, Rae (another military survivor they meet up with) and George (Jake’s landlord-the man with the plan for survival) were the most compelling characters in the book. There is quite a bit of traditional zombie survival storytelling going on here, though once again, it is clear that this isn’t your run of the mill apocalyptic survivor’s saga.
Credit to the author for putting the romantic elements of this story up front and center, making it complicated for the characters-not just because of the fear of death around every corner, but because of the feelings they have for one another. Jake has fallen for Laurel but has feelings for Kat as well, which she reciprocates. Jake is perhaps written too much as a ‘every man fears him and every woman wants him’ type guy who seems to far too perfect-he is strong, handsome, intelligent, and an all-around boy-scout, but as much as he proclaims his devotion to his gorgeous newfound girlfriend, he isn’t above tempting himself with Kat’s constant advances; this despite both of them knowing that what they are doing is wrong. That they both seemed to feel little guilt about their actions seemed out of character given their loyalty to Laurel and the fact that they are clearly presented as heroes and saviors. It would seem that their tantalizing and teasing of one another would weigh more heavily on them than it did.
As is the case with many independently written novels, this could use another solid round of edits-misplaced commas, over use of certain descriptive terms, etc. occur throughout the book. Despite this, the storytelling is solid and keeps you intrigued from start to finish. SP Durnin’s writing style is compelling and he clearly enjoys creating vivid characters and story sequences. With this book (along with its sequels) being re-released by Permuted Press, more editing will sharpen things up a bit and I would guess the story might get tweaked a bit as well. I look forward to seeing the entire series when it is completed. Keep Your Crowbar Handy has a memorable title and an entertaining storyline that I look forward to seeing through to the end of the road for Jake and his friends.

[Shelley Daly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really loved this book. It was a wee bit pricey for an ebook - but certainly worth every penny. It starts with our hero Jake - burned out combat journo/ white knight on the day he meets Laurel... the possible love of his life. Its also on the same day the zombie apocalypse takes place. Add in a likeable group of friends, Kat - Laurels best friend and martial arts expert, George - a semi retired 'fixer' and Allen - Jake's screwball best friend. Join Jake and his buddies as they crowbar, shoot and ram their way in their pepto pink assault vehicle through legions of the walking dead, while trying to fend off the attacks of other 'survivors'. The book contained just the right combination of action, romance, violence and humor to make it a truly enjoyable read. It does contain a cliffhanger ending though, and that's nearly an automatic 1 or 2 star rating because I hate them so much...but just like an episode of 'The Walking Dead' this just whetted my appetite for more. I look forward to the next book and can hardly wait. This has all the makings of a zombie cult classic. Suspend belief and just enjoy the fast paced, wild ride.

[Dani · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ok, so I've been on this post-apocalypse/zombie book thing for a while now. I've read some really good ones, and some really bad ones. I'm a huge fan of Jake Bible, and Mark Tufo - I mean, there are others, but those stick out the most. This book was AWESOME. The characters are well developed, and very human. They have foibles, sarcastic wit, and you grow to love them (and despise a couple). Part of me wishes I had waited to read this one though. Now - I have to wait for the next one. I kinda hate waiting.

And Mr. Durnin? Thanks for making the hero believable. Yeah, he has some mad skills - but he still bumbles from time to time. That rocks in so many different ways.

Seriously - I need the rest of this series pretty damned quick already.

[Joan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great zombie story filled with blood splattering action, gore, emotion, zombies hordes and some great sarcasm thrown in. The twenty something main characters and the two older characters are a mixed blend of personalities that learn to survive together with very few clashes. Unfortunately in this world now devastated by the hordes they also have some run-ins with waste of skin fellow survivors that use this horror to their advantage and take what they want at any cost. This is the first book of the series and I am now diving into the next one. I highly recommend this to anyone who enjoys the zombie/horror genre. Well done S. P. Durnin.

[Mike · Rating 3 out of 5]

Many funny bits, and I liked the heartfelt vengeance episodes.
Shawn's voice shines through.
Deep paragraph indentations. Roughly edited. (typos, grammar, etc)
Columbus setting.
19..stirring squashing of bitchy, overbearing ranting hag at Super-Center pharmacy, when she tries to bully the other customers
BBD. Bigger. Better. Deal. snap fingers
walking pus sacks
mention of Hobo with a Shotgun, which this had reminded me of..
495 author's notes:
--loathes, despises, effing hates zombies.
--emergency pack, bug-out-bag

[✿ | thatgrl.kuoya | ❥ · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars.

Loved the action!
Characters? Hmm.. Not so much. With the exception of Foster - The Man.
Hate the love-triangle going on. Jake is sucha douche, playing the game of hearts and his reckless decisions. Kat is just playing with fire, which she'll no doubt be burnt for. Laurel is so oblivious its sad, wake up girl, your BFF is a backstabbin' b*tch! Could have done without this love-dilemma , aint surviving the zombie apocalypse drama enough?!? Geez.

Will definitely read the sequel :-)

[Lynne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This has become a favorite

At first I was a little worried I thought hmmm guy writing it may be just all blood and gore then I started reading it I could be farther then the truth it is so well. Written the characters are women who are strong and not weak and then men are being men the unsung hero type you put it all together it was awesome from the descriptions of zombies to a girl being a girl and a man being a man amazing... Just bought book 2 can't wait

[Alina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really loved this book. Ist with Zombies, but ist also diferent from anithing that i read before from this genre.
The love triangle Jake Laurel Kat just keeps you on your toes. Dont gett me worng, there is also action and some steamy sexual tension, and a cool andti hero our writer Jake.
cant wait for the sequal

[Javona · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was lucky enough to get a free copy of this book. I was excited to read it because it contained zombies. Most zombie books disappoint me, but I was pleasantly surprised. I thoroughly enjoyed this book. I couldn't put it down. It's a must read.

[Chrissy Warren slaughter · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoyed it a lot.

[Home Is Where the Wine Is Book Blog]

The storyline jumped around so much that sadly I could not keep up.

[Nancy Daily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very Engaging

Started reading a sample and decided I had to get the book, read it in one sitting. Now I will be getting the next one

[Ruben Pena · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book keeps you on the seat of your pants. Very little down time, as you would expect from a world full of Zombies, and crazies alike.