Borderline

by Caroline Kraus

When Caroline Kraus leaves behind her sheltered, upper-middle class life in St. Louis for San Francisco following the death of her mother, she is searching for clarity and a fresh perspective to help her escape her mother's ghost. Instead, in a dreamlike city of beatnik bookstores and coffee houses, she meets Jane.

Bewitching and free-spirited, Jane offers Kraus the warmth, intuitive understanding, and female companionship she craves, and soon the two women are inseparable. But gradually, Kraus discovers that the very intensity that made the friendship so intoxicating to begin with, has evolved into a dangerous, symbiotic stranglehold. And as Jane's pathological lies and subtle manipulations blossom into emotional blackmail, financial ruin, disturbing promiscuity, and, ultimately, physical abuse, their bond grows ever more twisted and addictive—and Kraus must fight to regain her self-respect, her autonomy, and her very grasp on sanity.

In exquisite, crisp, unsentimental prose, Borderlines distills Kraus's terrifying experience into a chilling, mesmerizing memoir that will hold readers captive until the last page. At its heart lies an unflinching look at the potent, hidden dynamics beneath the surface of every intimate relationship—and the dangerous blurring of individual boundaries that can occur when these dynamics are unleashed.

Searing, provocative, and completely unlike anything else ever written about women and their relationships, Borderlines is a vivid cautionary tale and marks a striking literary debut.

Genres: Psychology, Memoir, Nonfiction, Mental Illness, Mental Health, Biography Memoir, Autobiography

Hardcover

First published January 1, 2004

Reviews

[Kristen · Rating 1 out of 5]

Self-pitying point of view of the destruction left in the wake of mental illness. The privileged author was subjected to the realities of borderline personality disorder suffered by a close friend. But the focus was on the author’s pain with little sympathy for the pain that mentally ill patients suffer on a daily basis. While an interesting read in the context of a train wreck happening over the course of several years, I finished the book with a bad taste in my mouth and a growing disdain for the author and publisher. Sad.

[Racheal · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an amazing example of how magical and overwhelming a border line personality can be.

[Kinsey_m · Rating 2 out of 5]

This should be a 2.5 rating.

I first bought "Borderlines" because a former friend of mine had had this kind of toxic relationship with a girl she met in her early 20s, so reading the synopsis and reviews was like: "Wow! It's them!".

I have to say that I had some difficulties in believing some of the things described on this memoir. Not the Jane part, I found that only too believable, but some of the aspects about Caroline's pre-Jane life (for instance I have some trouble believing Kraus's take on the Elmer incident).

In a way I think that Kraus tries to open up about herself but always ends up waiving the dead mother flag as an explanaiton for everything that happend. To be perfectly honest I think that Kraus would have fallen in Jane's clutches even if her mother had not died, although I am sure this is quite hard for her to accept.

I'd also like to point out that in my opinion the synopsis and reviews focusing on promiscuity, drugs or lesbian relationships are completely off-target. The whole point is not with how many people does a character have sex, but how sex is used to hurt and manipulate others.

Finally, I don't read only for plot, but also for character-development and the writing itself. I never expected Bordelines to be great in the literary sense, but I'd say it was acceptable. Not less, not more. From what I've read on other reviews "Truth and Beauty" by Ann Pattchet has a similar topic but is better written.

[Sam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Psychological thriller alert. I've been looking for a good book for a long time and FINALLY found one. I absolutely LOVE books like this. It's like we are sitting in on Kraus's psychology session. I love that this book is true because truth is way stranger than fiction. This book took a lot of guts to publish and to write because it really exposes the author in both a good and bad light--albeit sometimes more bad than good-- or possibly just naive and vulnerable. It's so raw and honest which is what makes it so intoxicating to read. the story has lots of important and interesting elements about death family friendship sexuality and growing up as well as mental illness.This would make an excellent movie. I'm surprised it hasn't been touched and made into one yet. I read the whole thing in 2 days.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author is a very good writer -- writing clearly and simply for the reader. I enjoyed the book overall but found myself appalled by the behavior of both Caroline and "Jane." Jane definitely has a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder with Caroline having BPD traits. Disgusting incestual relationship between these two women in the guise of "friendship." I hope Caroline gets the continuous help that she needs in order to never fall into this destructive relationship pattern again. Would be interested to know if "Jane" ever read this book. Lord....Lord....Lord...

[Yvonne · Rating 3 out of 5]

An autobiography about a girl in her early to mid-twenties and her pyscho best friend. Very Single White Female. I didn't want friends after this. :) An interesting memoir.

[Jenny · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a very good book but not a great book. It was so anxiety provoking. I listened to it first on audio and then read it. I don’t think there will be a third time! Like I read in someone else’s review, we don’t really get a sense of the good aspects of Jane - thus making it hard to fully understand Caroline’s attachment. After the beginning of the relationship, we almost exclusively hear about the bad times they had together. The second time that I was reading it I almost stopped in the middle because it was just so frustrating to see Jane taking advantage of Caroline but I forced myself to continue because it is a good book. The elements that I liked about the book were many. I was touched by Caroline’s relationship with her family. The one thing that did bother me is the father leaving her there with her mother when she was dying and going for that run instead. The mother had specifically asked the father not to do that and it had horrible consequences for Caroline’s mental health. That being said they were otherwise just amazingly supportive to her and that was beautiful to read. I also greatly appreciated how she portrayed the depths of her grief, such as in taking up smoking. This book was a very beautiful portrait of grieving. She also really captured borderline personality disorder and also how borderline people bring out the borderline in others, such as how she took up self injury. I also appreciated her description of Stella. Some people have an issue with how she is privileged. Thank goodness she was privileged. It helped her more easily leave this relationship that was draining her financially, emotionally, and physically.

[Nancy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I find it always hard to be critical when someone tells such a personal story. But I also promised myself to keep true to my experience of the read.

Her writing style makes it an easy read, which I like. But, the story missed for me depth and emotional binding with the character(s). That's mostly the reason I rate it 2 stars. The second postscript/afterword touched me most of the whole book, I think it was the strongest part, writing as herself, and not her story. It felt true, open, vulnerable. I would love to read more of that.

Aside from that, the accent in the story lies on a diagnotic term, that Jane was a borderliner, and that harmed Caroline, and it explained everything that happened to Caroline. That this is how it is to live with a borderliner. I don't like this generalisation. This is only 1 experience, hers. I understand that the therapist in the story is part of her process, but it also gives some weight on what is explained in the book about Jane.
This only makes the stigma on bordeline personality disorder bigger. Maybe it's partly a publicity strategy; it also made me curious and why I bought the book. But now I feel a bit ashamed that I contributed to it.

[Patricia De Boer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Borderliner, by Caroline Kraus

This novel is based on true events from the life of the author, Caroline Kraus.

After the death of her mother, Caroline struggles with life.
To discover herself and take control of her life, she moves to San Francisco where she wants to study at the film academy.
Caroline finds a job in a famous bookstore, where she meets Jane.
Jane is a special appearance. She is funny, smart and very beautiful.
Jane possesses the ability to always be the center of attention, she seems confident and full of great ideas.
Caroline and Jane quickly become friends. Their friendship gains momentum and soon both women seem unable to live without each other.
She does not realize that Caroline is losing out in the friendship.
But their relationship becomes increasingly stifling and Jane lays a huge claim on Caroline.

An intense book about borderline personality disorder, about friendship and coping with your childhood.
Intensely but honestly described.
The book reads like a novel but is a true story.

[Zoya · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book certainly kept me turning pages but I wish the author would have gone into more details about her life after this friendship and whatnot. I did learn a little about BPD as well. It’s not something I would read again or keep as part of my permanent collection.

[Eswee42 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Currently rereading. The first time I read this book was over ten years ago. I was at the moment living with a borderliner, caught in the trap, not knowing. That person happens to be my mother, and nearly killed me. If by any chance Caroline Kraus reads this: thank you. Your story changed my life. And saved my life.

[Zunak · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was hooked on every page until the very end!
A chilling, physiological thriller that is also a memoir, Caroline Kraus describes the circumstances in which she met her partner "Jane", and the downwards spiral that it led to in her life.

Kraus has a way with the prose that clearly denotes exemplary literary talent.

Highly recommended read!

[Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir perfectly encapsulates what it is like to be in a relationship with someone who has borderline personality disorder. I don't recall if Jane actually was ever diagnosed, but based on my research and personal experience, I believe this is what Jane suffered from. It starts out innocently enough, and over time, Caroline and Jane's relationship twists into something unrecognizable. The recounting is intense and dizzying, familiar and unforgettable. While there are no answers, no easy explanations for what happened, or how it started, it is a must-read in my opinion. It will leave you haunted and disoriented.

[Paulien · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ik vind het heel moeilijk om een mening te vormen over dit boek. Het duurt echt een tijdje tegen dat je in het verhaal komt, maar eens dat gebeurt leest het wel snel weg. Het lijkt gewoon een beetje rommelig soms, met ongeveer drie verschillende tijdsperiodes waaruit flarden verteld worden, allemaal door elkaar, soms geconcentreerd per tijdsperiode en soms net heel erg verspreid. Ik vond het ook nogal moeilijk om mee te gaan in de gedachtegang van het hoofdpersonage. Het was wel interessant om te lezen, maar uiteindelijk heb ik niet het gevoel dat ik iets aan dit boek gehad heb.

[Babydoll-sweetcheeks · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked it and thought it was fairly written. It made me think of incessant people who live off of other people's energy, time and money. This story is not only about mental illness, but about the consequences of not having proper boundaries set up against individuals who can suck life out of you like blood sucking vampires. I think the relationship between the protagonist and the antagonist is something to pounder upon and in the end there is a definite lesson to be learned; If something is hurting, than it surely cannot be good.

[Angela · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved the pace of this book. While it took me awhile to finish, I couldn't wait to get back to reading it. I have been both Jane and a Jane person in my life so a lot of the memories she recounted sounded vaguely familiar, while others left me incredulous at the depths of hold Jane had on her. What a brave story of Caroline to tell, as we know there is nothing deeper than relationships with others. Bravo!

[Louvaine · Rating 2 out of 5]

Wow! These are two seriously screwed-up girls! One of the girls feels lost and guilty over her mothers' death, the other one preys on that and uses it to manipulate her. There is a genuine bond between these girls, albeit a sick one. Based on a true story, you come away from this really glad it isn't your life.

[Ande · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is hands down my favorite book. I felt like I could have been reading the story of my own life...it just seemed to mirror so much that was going on with me at that time in my life. And it really helped me to recognize and accept something that I always knew was inside of me.

[Molly · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very jarring story that the author tells of her own experience with her best friend that she had become so dependent upon who turned out to be the most toxic influence in her life. I am still fearful for her safety.

[Dawn · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an ok read. It was sad that Caroline was in grief and someone leached onto that then abused her. Yet, it is a book everyone should read so they are aware of the signs of a "user" and not a true friend, before it is too late.

[☺Trish · Rating 2 out of 5]

Two psychologically damaged women engage in a perverse, sick, and twisted relationship filled with manipulation and violence (emotional and physical, often self-inflicted) - truly amazed that somebody didn't end up dead. Extremely disturbing story . . . reminded me of Single White Female.

[Kate Rosenberg · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a total guilty pleasure. Not a literary masterpiece by any measure, but very fun. Especially fabulous for anyone who has/is a borderline personality disordered friend. Oh, the drama!

[Chels · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow! Awesome book.

[Leslie Jem · Rating 4 out of 5]

This memoir reads like a novel. I was so worried that the author might not escape her situation that I kept turning to the biographical information to hunt for clues.

[Karyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

What I learned from this book:
Having taken no psych classes in college, this was the first time I heard the term.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Again biased opinion, I love all these books.

[Pamela · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow, I'm not really sure what to say about this book. While it was interesting it was also disturbing.

[B. Goodwin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fascinating. Some memoirs amaze me.

[Richard Stuart · Rating 4 out of 5]

An emotional juggernaut of a book.

[Lucy Burnett · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a little slow to start but it takes you on the twists and turns of someone who loves and lives with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder.