What do you think?
Rate this book
Choosing Judaism
In print for over 20 years, Choosing Judaism has become a classic guide for individuals considering conversion. By sharing her own story, Lydia Kukoff has created a truly remarkable work about what it means to make this significant choice. Kukoff gives the reader a fresh perspective on the issues that face converts every dealing with your non-Jewish and Jewish family, creating your own Jewish community, and looking toward the future in your new Jewish faith. Years after her own conversion, she continues to question, grow, and learn, and encourages others to do the same. Choosing Judaism is an essential resource for every convert to Judaism, people just beginning their own journeys of becoming Jewish, and their loved ones.
138 pages, Paperback
First published August 1, 1983
4 people are currently reading
146 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
April 2, 2016
I have no idea who this book is written for. It's called Choosing Judaism, but most of the book seems geared toward people who have already chosen Judaism or, indeed, already converted and are now dealing with the aftermath. The book actually begins with a list of historical converts, starting with Abraham and going forward, and then ends with "me" and "you," which is hardly a list for someone who isn't certain. However, a lot of the text seems to imply people who aren't that familiar with the actual practice of Judaism. I'm not talking about not feeling perfectly comfortable with Hebrew, or feeling out of place when leading a seder, I'm talking about not knowing the Shabbat blessings or the
Shema
. Presumably, these are things one is supposed to know before converting, and yet at least part of the book doesn't assume that, so on that note it is written for beginners.
On that note, much of the content is about fear or uncertainty, and Choosing Judaism seems overwhelming negative. There are constant block quotes from people who are dealing with huge problems, or feel terrible or conflicted about their choices, or who have made great personal sacrifices, or who have not talked to their parents in years, or feel like they're constantly acting, or hypocrites, or any number of other personal tragedies or sacrifices. For example:
And on a personal note, I'd really like to read a book about conversion that doesn't start with the perspective that the potential convert is a reasonably devout Protestant who will suffer terrible damage to their psyche if they don't celebrate Christmas. I mean, here's an example quote:
It does speak to a larger trend in the book that's problematic, though--it seems to take as given that conversion will alienate the convert from their non-Jewish relatives and customs. According to the stories within, separation and pain is nearly inevitable. Sometimes it can be overcome, and sometimes it can't (as in the part I quoted above), but it's presented as something that everyone will have to deal with. "If you choose to do this, your family might never talk to you again, and it will almost certainly cause a rift that may or may not ever heal," is going to be really intimidating to basically everyone. In fact, I suspect that instead of turning down a candidate the prescribed three times, a rabbi should just say, "Oh, sure, but you should read Choosing Judaism first. Come back to me once you've read it." If the candidate does come back, then clearly they're sincere and properly committed.
I am, perhaps, being uncharitable. For one, the book was written over thirty years ago, when the cultural attitude towards Judaism was much different than it is today. I think the point that Lydia Kukoff was trying to make is that, while conversion can create uncertainty, is often difficult, and requires or causes a shift in perspective, the end results are worthwhile. And the last chapter of the book is primarily a list of the ways that converts enrich Judaism as a whole, but even that includes admonishments on how to improve Judaism's response to converts and conversion requests.
The best part of the book, by far, is the references section at the end. It's extremely comprehensive, includes subheadings for topics like Anti-Semetism, the Holocaust, ancient Jewish history, modern Jewish history, and a laundry list of others, and is of far, far more interest to me than the entire rest of the book. The only problem is that none of the books were written after the 70s, but on a lot of the listed subjects, that doesn't matter as much as it might.
I'm not sure who this would be recommended for, and I think the title is exceedingly ill-chosen, because it's not a very good book for people who are thinking about converting or in the beginning of the process, and it's more a catalogue of misery than an inspiration. There are better choices to read today.
On that note, much of the content is about fear or uncertainty, and Choosing Judaism seems overwhelming negative. There are constant block quotes from people who are dealing with huge problems, or feel terrible or conflicted about their choices, or who have made great personal sacrifices, or who have not talked to their parents in years, or feel like they're constantly acting, or hypocrites, or any number of other personal tragedies or sacrifices. For example:
My parents never approved of my conversion. In fact, we have not spoken since the day I became a Jew. My son has enjoyed a beautiful relationship with my in-laws, but at the age of six, sensing that something was wrong, he approached me one day and asked, "Mommy, don't you have parents too?" It was a very difficult day in my life. I tried to explain the situation as best I could given his age and level of understanding. It still hurt, though. And there has been no happy ending.There are examples of good outcomes as well, but personally, it felt like the number of tragic stories or stories of difficulty outweighed the good ones.
And on a personal note, I'd really like to read a book about conversion that doesn't start with the perspective that the potential convert is a reasonably devout Protestant who will suffer terrible damage to their psyche if they don't celebrate Christmas. I mean, here's an example quote:
Christmas! How could I not have Christmas? The happiest memories of my life were bound up with it. Smells, colors, sounds--it was so much a part of my consciousness. I was resentful at the thought of having to give it up. But I did come to the realization that a Christmas tree would have no place in my Jewish home.I get that people like the holidays they grew up with, but that seems completely out of proportion to me. I haven't cared about the presents aspect of Christmas for over half my life and haven't cared about the religious aspect ever, so it's possible that I'm an outlier. I can't relate to it at all, and it just makes me scratch my head in bemusement.
It does speak to a larger trend in the book that's problematic, though--it seems to take as given that conversion will alienate the convert from their non-Jewish relatives and customs. According to the stories within, separation and pain is nearly inevitable. Sometimes it can be overcome, and sometimes it can't (as in the part I quoted above), but it's presented as something that everyone will have to deal with. "If you choose to do this, your family might never talk to you again, and it will almost certainly cause a rift that may or may not ever heal," is going to be really intimidating to basically everyone. In fact, I suspect that instead of turning down a candidate the prescribed three times, a rabbi should just say, "Oh, sure, but you should read Choosing Judaism first. Come back to me once you've read it." If the candidate does come back, then clearly they're sincere and properly committed.
I am, perhaps, being uncharitable. For one, the book was written over thirty years ago, when the cultural attitude towards Judaism was much different than it is today. I think the point that Lydia Kukoff was trying to make is that, while conversion can create uncertainty, is often difficult, and requires or causes a shift in perspective, the end results are worthwhile. And the last chapter of the book is primarily a list of the ways that converts enrich Judaism as a whole, but even that includes admonishments on how to improve Judaism's response to converts and conversion requests.
The best part of the book, by far, is the references section at the end. It's extremely comprehensive, includes subheadings for topics like Anti-Semetism, the Holocaust, ancient Jewish history, modern Jewish history, and a laundry list of others, and is of far, far more interest to me than the entire rest of the book. The only problem is that none of the books were written after the 70s, but on a lot of the listed subjects, that doesn't matter as much as it might.
I'm not sure who this would be recommended for, and I think the title is exceedingly ill-chosen, because it's not a very good book for people who are thinking about converting or in the beginning of the process, and it's more a catalogue of misery than an inspiration. There are better choices to read today.
July 12, 2023
I think that this book could be a very good introduction on how to navigate conversion among potential Jews by Choice. I think the book focuses a lot on Jewish in-laws which not every Jew by Choice has. It also speaks of Kukoff's conversion which sounded so different from the intense, long, and rigorous modern conversion programs. Theres a lot of good content in this book, especially the quotes, but there is also a lot of negativity.
February 2, 2008
I read this book because I have a friend who just converted. Anyway, this book helped me understand where she is coming from. This book has a lot of quotes by other converted Jews [not just the author] who either had it real hard by having to tell others and make other understand why they chose Judaism, or why they can't do Christmas anymore. It was about how relationships changed from a Jewish man and his non-Jewish girlfriend to his now completely Jewish relationship with his totally convert Jewish girlfriend. The relationships changed in that converts tend to be more "Jewish" than born-Jews. Born Jews take their lifestyle for granted living the life we live in America, yet converted Jews are all into eating Kosher, talking about Judaism, knowing the history, teaching what they just learned etcetera. It was about how Jewish in-laws would get annoyed because the converted daughter-in-law knew more than the mother-in-law, etc. So, this book is a bunch of people telling tidbits of memories they have while converting to Judaism.
July 5, 2012
This book offers a great perspective on conversion and helped me to see that some of the things I have been going through during my own journey are common. It was recommended by my Rabbi and I would recommend it to anyone going through or considering conversion.
January 20, 2009
As someone in the process of converting, it provided me with much needed support.
January 5, 2021
I...can't say I loved this book or found it especially helpful. This book seemed more focused on personal anecdote than the nuts and bolts of conversion to Judaism. There was no kinda break down of what Judaism looks like and had some advice that felt antiquated. If you're interested in conversion, I would recommend other books.
Read
January 8, 2024"The Torah was given in public for all to see, in the open. For if it had been given in the land of Israel, Israel would have said to the nations of the world, you have no share in it. Therefore the Torah was given in the wilderness, in public for all to see, in the open, and everyone who wished to receive it, let them come and receive it. " from the MIDRASH
January 25, 2018
Written by a heterosexual white Jew by Choice, it provides a convert's discussion on how to "own" Judaism after one converts. Short book and easy to read. Not comprehensive and very limited in scope.
January 18, 2019
A very clear and concise book for anyone who is considering converting to Judaism. I would recommend it highly for the convert and their family.
June 24, 2019
It was pretty good but as an older single lady in process of conversion, I just did not relate too well.
April 28, 2021
I thought this would be more about the pre-conversion thought process and emotions but it still had some good resources and advice.
December 21, 2022
As someone converting to Judaism… I found this book to be completely unhelpful. I think maybe it’s because I learned this information elsewhere? Not really sure. I know it’s been really helpful for other converts.
December 13, 2013
A quick and easy read. The book seems to focus more on the person aspect of the convert and less on the technical process. Written by a convert geared to held newly converts with their first steps after the conversion ceremony.
For the basic ground work it s a good book to read through. A companion to "Choosing a Jewish Life." Lydia does give some good points at where to start and look. Also gives a list things to start you off as well as a possibilities of where to find them.
For the basic ground work it s a good book to read through. A companion to "Choosing a Jewish Life." Lydia does give some good points at where to start and look. Also gives a list things to start you off as well as a possibilities of where to find them.
December 21, 2010
I really think this is a book for not only converts and Jew Enthusiasts, but also for Jewish and non-Jewish family members. While my experiences as an "outsider" are not the same as Kukoff's, I found her insights and suggestions to be interesting and helpful.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews