Ten Stupid Things Couples Do to Mess Up Their Relationships: An Expert No-Nonsense Guide to Marriage, Priorities, Power, and Finding Joy

by Laura Schlessinger

1. Stupid Secrets
Withholding important information for fear of rejection

2. Stupid Egotism
Asking not what you can do for the relationship but only what the relationship can do for you

3. Stupid Pettiness
Making a big deal out of the small stuff

4. Stupid Power
Always trying to be in control

5. Stupid Priorities
Consuming all your time and energies with work, hobbies, errands, and chores instead of focusing on your relationship

6. Stupid Happiness
Seeking stimulation and assurance from all the wrong places to satisfy the immature need to feel good

7. Stupid Excuses
Not being accountable for bad behavior

8. Stupid Liaisons
Not letting go of negative attachments to friends and relatives who are damaging to your relationship

9. Stupid Mismatch
Not knowing when to leave and cut your losses

10. Stupid Breakups
Disconnection for all the wrong reasons

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Relationships, Marriage, Psychology, Education, Parenting

288 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2001

About the author

Laura Catherine Schlessinger (born January 16, 1947) is an American talk radio host, socially conservative commentator and author. Her radio program consists mainly of her responses to callers' requests for personal advice and has occasionally featured her short monologues on social and political topics. Her website says that her show "preaches, teaches, and nags about morals, values and ethics".

Reviews

[Porter · Rating 3 out of 5]

Oh, Dr. Laura, your book is so... so you.

I agree with almost everything you say. You make excellent points. Important points. I wish more people would hear what you have to say.

But the way you say it... I already agree with you, and I can barely stand to listen to you. How in the world can you expect those that need to hear your message accept when you deliver it with such venom and condescension?

[Linds · Rating 2 out of 5]

I agree with her advice but she's just so .....mean spirited about everything. Plus, it's apparently feminists fault for the breakdown of the American family. (Eye roll)

[Tenzin · Rating 1 out of 5]

Forewarning: This review is the product of me having no contextual knowledge on who Laura Schlessinger is, or the fact that she's overly opinionated on everything. Or the fact that she's a doctor in physiology...Or the fact that there are a bunch of nude pics of her online.

I expected to read a book about the psychology of couples/relationships and common fallacies people make and how to overcome these issues. Schlessinger addresses some pretty valid, albeit unremarkable, points about the mechanics of a healthy, sound relationship. Sadly, I could not finish the book because I was constantly bombarded with her unnecessary opinions about everything ranging from religion to the women's sexual revolution movement and constantly asking myself why this is relevant to the central topic. I.e. "G-d Is Dead-Long Live ME!" Schlessinger says the concept of compassion/morality being independent of God's Commandments is "nonsense." It's fine if she believes in God (wait a minute, what does this have to do with couples?), yet she asserts from her header that not believing in God while embracing compassion/morality is synonymous with the notion of "long live me." False. People embrace compassion and morality by focusing on others (i.e. Buddhism?), which is the antithesis of selfishness (the Buddhist concept of no-self), all while never having to refer to any sort of godly canon. Once again, why the hell is this lady making me deconstruct the facets of society when I just wanted to read something insightful about couples?

I'm assuming if you already agree with the majority of the author's opinions, you'll enjoy the book, and maybe just maybe learn something about relationships. Otherwise, don't expect an impartial examination into the psyche of couples.

Don't even get me started on her argument about how men only do things based on what females allow. It may be true in some instances in her mind, but is definitely not a universal truth.

Anyway, naked pics.

[Millie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I appreciate Dr. Schlessinger's straightforward, fearless, and "no excuses" approach to these topics. Her views are refreshing in a world that no longer values integrity and morality. I also appreciate her religious perspectives and focus on traditional values such as commitment, sacrifice, selflessness, loyalty, and fidelity as the foundation for a healthy, happy, and enduring marriage and family life. The world has strayed too far from these traditional values and is suffering in consequence. Watching the news for five seconds reveals this. We, including myself, need to own up to our responsibility as men and women of character, stop excusing our bad behavior and shallow commitment, and start leading lives of integrity and morality. The end.

[Hamish Davidson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr Laura sounds like Gumby to me, but she seems to be one of the most logical and insightful women on the planet. Despite her strong religious influence, this book contains some of the most exceptional, worthwhile and practical relationship advice I've ever encountered.

[Aws Al-Najjar · Rating 1 out of 5]

I don't know where I got this book from but this Lura have no sense of guiding at all! she has wrote this book just to express her feelings about couples and how they act without any benefits to the reader and I don't know why she brings God so much if she's talking about couples.

This is wrongly genered as a book instead of a podcast or a radio show as she mentions her radio show at least a couple of dozen times saying it would be easier to express if she was on her radio show!!

[Cecilia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Let me just say that Dr. Laura Schlessinger is opinionated. Very, very opinionated. But that doesn't mean that she doesn't give out some really useful advice. Much of what she writes and speaks about on her radio program is just pure common sense. I can see how this book would not be received well by everyone, but I found her advice to be helpful in my relationship with my boyfriend.

[Samp · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really like Dr. Laura's perspective on relationships. I think it's pretty straightforward. "You mean the only common theme in all my bad relationships is me?" Simple things like that turn out to be revelations to a lot of people. That kind of thing is frankly in short supply these days. The two best takeaways from the book 1)Taking responsibility for one's actions is a rare thing, but necessary for successful relationships and 2)If there's a problem start working on yourself, rather than blaming someone else.

As far as her writing goes, you wouldn't really think that somebody could relate (basically) the same scenario 50 different times and use them all to prove a different point. Anecdotal evidence is useful but in my opinion she takes it to the extreme. I think she would be more effective in organizing her writing a little more and being more concise. However, I can see how some people might really appreciate so much evidence of how problems are caused/solved, etc. from her listeners/viewers, etc.

Will I read this one again? Probably not. Would I recommend it? Yes, but with a grain of salt. Do I think all the people who hate Dr. Laura's perspectives are crazy? Yes, because they refuse to admit one or both of two things 1)They are living for themselves and no one else, or 2)The natural course of life that God intended is for man and woman to pair off and have children. And, selfishness destroys a natural, successful, happy family life.

[Zach · Rating 2 out of 5]

Hilarious. Very old fashioned. And the last statement, "for a good relationship, open the bible", is a little terse. But hey, there are a few nuggets in there. Just try not to explode into histrionics. Oh, and feminists, should probably pop some valium before reading this book.

[Julie Suzanne · Rating 3 out of 5]

A friend loaned me her copy to read on the train, and I did finish it in 3 hours. It's Dr. Laura, so expect to hear rantings about how feminists have destroyed society, the American family (which only has one definition) and most women's hopes for ever having a happy life.

There is some great relationship advice in here, provided you have a healthy union. Most of the book is telling you what's wrong with your relationship and everyone else's.

While I do not identify with her deep scorn for most people or her sense of superiority for the most part, we do share a reverence for integrity and good character, and doing what's "right' rather than what's easy and convenient. It's good to suffer her lectures every now and then, as it often gives me a welcomed kick in the pants, but I can only take so much. I don't agree with most of her ideas.

[Dr. · Rating 4 out of 5]

A rehash of many previous ideas in her other books, but that does not decrease the value of the message.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very colorful read! It's a compilation of letters, calls, emails, and personal encounters interspersed with her advice. She's a pro-family, reformed feminist, who has drawn upon her years as a therapist and radio show host to bring to light where she believes our society is failing us, and the subsequent impact on our relationships. I was shocked by some stories, saw myself in others, and often felt very appreciative of my life when measured against the relationship issues that could be present. Very good guidelines for a happy and healthy relationship. Did I mention her writing style encompasses plenty of sarcastic humor?

[Robyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I know that Dr. Laura is not everyone's cup of tea, but she has some REALLY good advice in this book. She is a no-nonsense kind of lady who is good at challenging many common thoughts and opinions about relationships. She can be REALLY bitchy sometimes and kind of preachy, but in general, I think that she gives really sound advice. She makes me take a step back and look at the "me" part of the equation when it comes to my relationship and what I can improve and polish. And I think that's a good thing.

[Christa · Rating 2 out of 5]

There were definitely some truth bombs in this, and some useful information on relationships, but some of it felt very dated and I disliked the anti-feminist ranting. The author’s perception of feminism doesn’t seem to be all-encompassing, and focuses on the man-hating extremities of the movement versus the actual equality and freedom of choice that feminism is really about. An interesting read, but nothing too groundbreaking or unexpected. As an emotionally intuitive person, I knew a lot of the stuff in here already.

[Larissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dr. Laura has some great principles in this book. However, I kind of got tired of her "preachiness" and some parts of the book rubbed me the wrong way. She just seemed a little harsh at times in the book and everything was black and white... I don't think relationships are so simplistic. I also got tired of radio scripts. I gave it 3 stars however, because I do think it was worth my time and I did get some good points out of it.

[Kylir Horton · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read an abridged version of this book and I liked it much better than The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage. It was a little more specialized, although not enough to make it really useful. In a nutshell, it was the same thing as The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage, with the same somewhat crude language and sarcasm typical of Laura Schlessinger. Decent read, but only recommended for someone looking for help on the basics of a marriage relationship.

[Mimi · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is full of good advices for married people.It helps them realize what are the commom mistakes some married people make that lead to divorce.
How stupid things can become a big deal and how often people make mistakes.As we all know,one of the biggest reasons for that is egocentrism.
It was good to be able to read about other people's experiences.However,her book didn't keep me very entertained.There were great advices,but a little too repetitive.

[Stacie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have a love/hate relationship with Dr. Laura. Some of her stuff I love, and some of her stuff I hate! Hated, hated, hated the book about care and feeding of husbands!Loved, loved, loved this one though. SO much good advice in it. I put this book off for a long time because of my hatred for care and feeding of husbands but I wish I would have picked it up much earlier. I highly recommend it for anyone, married/single, older/younger.

[Susiane · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like Dr. Laura. I used to listen to her radio show when commuting home, she tells it like it is. I liked this book, a lot the things she talked about I learned in grad school in my couples therapy class which was based on Gotmann's work. But it was a good reminder of the things I had forgotten and things that could be brought up during couples work... Should I chose to go that route in private practice...

[DAISY READS HORROR · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like Dr Laura for the most part. I think the advice she gives is dead on some of the issues people have in their relationships. I found some of the callers stories she provided in this book to be interesting. It definitely made me think about my relationship and some things I want to change about my attitudes and perception on. Overall I recommend this book to both men and women. Everyone can benefit from reading this.

[Alisha Case · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book a long time ago, and loved it! There were a lot of helpful tips in here. I honestly can't think of any right now, and I lent it out to someone like 3 years ago and have yet to get it back!

There is some of her usual woman bashing in this book, but if I remember correctly it isn't too bad. Its manageable, and some of it deserved.

[Ileah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dr Laura has very high morals and she doesn't excuse any of the imoral behaviors that society is accepting. I loved this book! There are lots of stories and comments about others couples problems in relationships, and it made me appreciate what a good marriage I have, but it also showed great examples of how I can contribute more in my relationship with my husband.

[Janet Wilcox · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not as good as I was expecting. She didn't really cover a wide enough variety of issues in relationships. Gave up after the 1st two discs. If you looking for an outspoken approach to fidelity issues, morality, and marriage, she does a terrific job on the topic, but there are other issues that need addressing as well.

[Jenny · Rating 3 out of 5]

My husband and I love Dr. Laura so we got this to read in the evenings. I guess we're pretty much a good compatible couple because some of the stuff in here was just absurd to us. I mean, its just common sense, but in a day and age where people lack that, I can see how Dr. Laura would put out this book.

[Alicia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Like her radio show, this book is one big dose of... advice. Many people all for advice, then don't want to hear the advice that is dolled out--perhaps the truth hurts too much or the advice is not rooted in common values or sometimes opinions extend too far. This was the case with this book. It was entertaining, annoying and potentially helpful.

[Dr. Buddylee · Rating 4 out of 5]

After reading this book it made me look at myself in a different light. It made me realize that I had a lot of growing to do and to see some of the areas where I have grown. Anyone in a relationship, just exited a relationship, or inspiring to be in a long lasting relationship should read this book, study it, and learn from it.

[Karissa · Rating 2 out of 5]

Laura Schlessinger read the audio version and was kind of obnoxious to listen to. I didn't like how negative she was about the younger generations (millennials, etc.) today. Everything is corrupt and it is all our fault! I also felt the title didn't correlate well with the contents. It was more just random example from her show - not really 10 things couples do.

[Victoria · Rating 1 out of 5]

Degrading tone, condemns people talking smack about people, just think her opinions are right and look down on everyone else. Have nothing important to say, just bulshitting. Narcissist. Shitting out books like it's Cristmas. How anyone can be married to her is a mystery. I guess it was easier to get famous a couple of decades ago.

[Laura Gilfillan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is organized into mistakes to avoid in order to have a healthy relationship. These mistakes mostly stem from immaturity, insecurity, and being in too much pain. Things like secrets, egotism, pettiness, power, misplaced priorities, are some of what she covers. Dr. Laura is entertaining to listen to, although she does get rather alarmist sometimes.

[Shirin Abdel Rahman · Rating 4 out of 5]

The five stages of marriage:
1- falling in love.
2- discovering the foibles and faults etc.
3- deciding what to do about this new knowledge.
4- ( if you reach it) is the hard work involved in getting through the realities of stage 2.
5- is the glorious falling in love at a whole new level of intimacy and commitment.