Sleeping Through the Night: How Infants, Toddlers, and Their Parents Can Get a Good Night's Sleep

by Jodi A. Mindell

Right after "Is it a boy or a girl?" and "What's his/her name?," the next question people invariably ask new parents is "Are you getting any sleep?" Unfortunately, the answer is usually "Not much." In fact, studies show that approximately 25% of young children experience some type of sleep problem and, as any bleary-eyed parent will attest, it is one of the most difficult challenges of parenting. Drawing on her ten years of experience in the assessment and treatment of common sleep problems in children, Dr. Jodi A. Mindell now provides tips and techniques, the answers to commonly asked questions, and case studies and quotes from parents who have successfully solved their children's sleep problems. Unlike other books on the subject, Dr. Mindell also offers practical tips on bedtime, rather than middle-of-the-night-sleep training, and shows how all members of the family can cope with the stresses associated with teaching a child to sleep.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Psychology, Family, Health, Pediatrics, Childrens

368 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1997

Reviews

[Katie · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is absolutely not the way I want to teach my child to sleep. I will paraphrase one sentence that really stuck with me and made me close the book immediately and leave it by the door to return it to the library: you want your child to learn that crying is not worth his while because it won't make you comfort him. Never in a million years would I take this approach! I subscribe to the belief that babies cry to convey their needs and not to manipulate their parents. If he wants comfort, why shouldn't I give it to him? That's what a mother is for. I will teach him to sleep independently when he is developmentally and emotionally ready. Until then, I will work on teaching him to sleep BETTER.
Also, it annoyed me when the author said that cosleeping is "deadly" for your sex life. In your bed and at night are not the only circumstances that allow for sex. Get a little creative, ok?
The Baby Sleep Book by Dr. Sears and the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley definitely fit my parenting style better. Although these books don't necessarily solve your sleep problems, they do remind you that babies may not be ready to sleep the way you want them to and that it's your privilege as a parent to comfort them and teach them to trust that you will be there for them.

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was at a friend and fellow mother's house yesterday, bemoaning the fact that my 8-month old doesn't sleep through the night - ever - and she told me about this book and let me borrow it. I've read a fair amount of parenting/sleeping books in my almost 3 years as a parent, but had never heard of this one. After reading it in a day (although I did skip over the parts that don't apply to us), I'm convinced that this may, in fact, be the best book about getting your child to sleep. Nothing in it was revolutionary, or extreme. It was just good, solid advice, using mainly the graduated extinction method. I already kind of knew what we were doing wrong with our son, but reading this reinforced what I already knew and gave me tools to make a plan. (I did learn a few new things, however.)

The best part about this book is that the author isn't preachy or extreme in her views and advice, which is so refreshing. I'm quite sick of child-rearing books telling me that I'm going to mess up my child for life if I do this or that, and that the only way to be a good parent is by doing exactly what the author tells me to. This author gives great, grounded advice and guidelines, but realizes that every child is different and every family has different styles. I feel like I was given tools without being held at gunpoint to use them.

[Hannah Notess · Rating 5 out of 5]

Upgrading my review to five stars because you know why? This is one of the only baby sleep books that actually addresses parents' mental health as if it's worth thinking about in the baby sleep discussion. I found that incredibly helpful at the time (which I can barely remember due to sleep deprivation).

[Kristen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I only read the sections that I felt pertained to my daughter at 5 months. The section about bedrooms, bedtimes, and bedtime routines was useful. Most of the suggestions, consistent routine, same time, a lovey, were things I already had going. The idea of negative and positive sleep associations is helpful. Negative sleep associations are anything that would require a parent to assist the baby in falling asleep (rocking, nursing, singing, cuddling, etc.) Positive associations are things that would still be present during a middle of the night waking (a lovey, a pacifier, a night light, a consistent enviroment.) I was already on the right track with a routine, a consistent environment, putting the baby to bed drowsy but awake, and by keeping the baby in her bedroom during middle of the night wakings. Basically, no rewarding the baby by bringing her back out to hang out with us once I've decided it's bedtime.

Unlike the author, at 5 months old I don't expect my daughter to go all night without feeding. The book suggests that all babies wake naturally and all they need is a the ability to self-soothe herself back to sleep. I'm pretty sure my child needs to eat! Seriously lady, 12 hours without eating, come on! I think the idea of creating positive sleep assocations is worthwhile, but the promises that after just 2 weeks of implementing a consistent bed-time routine with the final step being putting the baby to bed awake, that the baby will sleep through the night is far fetched.

Warning: Dr. Mindell is a cry-it-out advocate. She does soften it a little by suggesting parents take small steps that parents are comfortable with during sleep training, even if that means going in to reassure the baby every 30 seconds. But, once you start sleep training with crying you can't turn back as you'll only make things worse; you'll basically have taught your child to cry rather than sleep.

In general, I'm lucky my child is not a crier anyway, she doesn't freak out when I leave her in her crib by herself. She just humms while sucking her pacifier until she falls asleep. Hopefully as the author suggests, by 6 or 7 months she'll be able to retrieve her own pacifier when it falls out. That will help us both sleep!

[bernadette · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has a lot of the same suggestions as Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child but is much more organized and focused on giving advice on how to deal with specific sleep issues; HSHHC gave a lot more information on what was happening with baby biologically when she's tired or sleeping. STTN is much more helpful in trying to form a plan when faced with several sleep issues, identifying which issues are best to work with first such as focusing on bedtime rather than naptimes, etc. Mindell does recommend graduated extinction though which so far I've been trying to avoid, but I think she still has a lot of helpful advice and information.

[Dan · Rating 2 out of 5]

It seems as though the author wrote this book with all of my parenting advice pet peeves in mind.

1) 'A recent study showed...' What study? Who conducted it? How large was the dataset? What did their statistical model look like? It is no longer acceptable to fail to cite sources in a book which relies on 'science' for its credibility!

2) 'Unverifiable and unsupported assertion stated as incontrovertible fact', e.g. 'Babies over three months of age can get all the nutrition they need during the day'. What leads you to believe that? Do you have any reason to believe it?

3) 'An anecdote about Adam, which will lead you to think your problems are the same as everyone else's'. These are so numerous in this book that I wouldn't be surprised if over a third of the textual matter was simply anecdotes from parents who may or may not be entirely fictitious. Anecdotes are not helpful. They don't serve any purpose in a book of this kind, except to give the illusion that the author is 'experienced' because she has either:

a) Actually surveyed a few people for the sleep problems their child might have OR
b) Made up a few of stories about said people.

It's genuinely impossible to know which alternative is at work here, because the author seems to be relying on her PhD to provide evidence of the veracity of her claims, rather than the anecdotes themselves (which are clearly heavily edited, being in the third person and generally in no way resembling actual conversation or testimony).

Avoid books on infant sleep problems. There aren't any good ones.

[Alexis · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm pretty burnt out on infant sleep as a subject in general but I do like this one. It incorporates breastfeeding as more than an afterthought and is more realistic than other things I've read. Nothing earth shattering here but definitely a balanced and nurturing approach that is sensitive to how the parent responds and how different babies may respond. Not a one size fits all approach that so many other books provide.

[Shawna · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 stars – Parenting

I’m not sure how helpful or applicable the sleep training methodology will be, but I really liked the detailed information and practical advice on behavioral management.

[Dana · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sleeping Through the Night by Jodi A. Mindell Ph.D. is an informative read and good reference book, but it lacks true scientific support for some of the facts and many of the advises given in the book.

The book cover promises parents help to make their baby, toddler or child fall asleep on their own and thereby sleeping through the night, providing parents with - often much needed - rest. And it does, more or less. Mindell starts of with some basic explanations about sleep and the difference between the sleep of a baby, toddler, child and adult. It's rather informative and quite interesting, and - as it is well written - a breeze to get through. With this basic knowledge under your belt, Mindell sets you off on a side note on managing behaviour. A rather important side note, as it turns out, because the whole 'sleep training' business stands or falls with this.

Unfortunately this is also the chapter where one of the main problems of the book first appears; Mindell often refers to research in her book and advises a course of action on the outcome without citing said research. The reader is expected to trust her on her blue eyes (they are blue, you can see on the picture on the back of the book) that the research was properly conducted, and the results not refuted later and properly interpreted by Mindell.
And then there are the advises in the book that are actually contradictory to earlier statements made in the book or known facts. For example, Mindell strongly advises parents to move their child to his own bedroom - if they are planning to do so - at the latest at three months of age. However this is smack dab in the middle of the period when chances of SIDS are highest (between 1 and 4 months old), chances that we know are lower if the child sleeps in the same room as the parents (see http://www.babycenter.com/baby-sleep-safety?showAll=true for more info and research references). I wouldn't make an issue of her contradictory advise if she'd explained her reasons, so I could make an informed decision on whether to follow it or not. However, Mindell doesn't even mention these particular SIDS data.
Finally there are the parts of the book that are - sometimes word for word - repeated in later chapters. Granted, they are relevant at that point, but I've already read it and copy-pasting it again here is just cheap.

Do I have no good words for this book? I do, quite a lot, in fact: it's chock full of useful information and just because Mindell doesn't cite the research she's referring to, doesn't mean it doesn't exist or she's wrong. I find most of the advice and tips to be logical, doable and I can see how and why they would work: having a fixed bedtime routine, making sure your child goes to sleep every night at the same time and how to help your child fall asleep on his own, I'm using all of these strategies with my own 6 week old guy and they are working. On top of that, Sleeping Through the Night makes for an excellent reference book; I'm certain I will open it again and again to find strategies, advice and tips on how to handle a specific sleeping problem my child is having (nightmares, travel, holidays) now, as a toddler or as a child.

Sleeping Through the Night really is a good book, it's just that it could have been even better...

[L.A. · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book when my now almost 5-year-old was 6 months old, referenced it often between then and the birth of my son, and just completed it again now that he is 18 months old.

More than just sleep, this book has excellent tips for parents on child-rearing: consistent daytime activities and routines help adults sleep best (as the final chapters indicate) and this is also true for infants, babies, and toddlers. It’s a book about sleep based on the author’s field of expertise, but she touches lightly on behavior management, crying, feeding, traveling, etc. as is relevant, and I found her to share in very helpful ways.

I have to say that I read this book the first time with the full intention of sleep training my daughter right away. Indeed, she slept through the night from 6 weeks until just before 4 months, and then never again slept consistently well until about 18 months. At 4 months she had heart surgery and began teething. She cried innumerable tears (as did I) trying to help her take naps and go to bed. We never left her to cry it out more than three desperate times when she’d been up 6x at night, but I vowed not to repeat the tears with another child. My daughter *would* nap in the car at her set times, which was great for trips. She slept through the night occasionally some time before 12 months and on, but never slept well through the night until 18 months (after self-weaning from exclusive breastfeeding at 17 months). I think she simply didn’t need as much sleep as a lot of books indicate is normal, and we got that figured out better with my son. I regret trying to make her sleep when she simply wasn’t ready, and I thought I was “doing things right.” This book has good advice, but listen to your child. And it *will* be easier with baby two, though always overall mysterious!

My son on the other hand ALWAYS fell asleep nursing and went down in his crib with no problem. When he didn’t fall asleep, I’d put him down awake all the same, also with no issues. I do think he only began sleeping through the night once I started nursing him in the well-lit living room before bedtime, then carrying him upstairs to bed—so more of a sleep training method described in this book—but I only began doing that after he stopped regularly falling asleep while nursing at bedtime. Again, he never slept through the night consistently until after he self-weaned at 15 months and then hit 18 months and has slept through 3 weeks straight (so far!).

I say all this to say that the first time I read this book I was trying to sleep train. The second time I read it through, I knew what I wanted to try to do—something in between—and I read this book far differently. It was also my second time exclusively breastfeeding, and the author has only one child for whom she breastfed/pumped. Makes a difference. Doesn’t mean you throw out a routine, or sleeping in a crib, or sleeping through the night, but it is different than what is described in this book, to some degree. I’ve also realized that our culture views baby sleep differently based on two working parents, childcare, preschool, etc. and that colors how I interpret some of this book as well, since I’ve not chosen any of those paths.

It is hard to tell people how to interpret their baby, because every baby is different, but I feel there are some hard and fast principles that work for all babies, and I found those indirectly reading this book through during my second child. I also think some of the sleeping tips for adults she shares at the end apply for babies: like don’t put them to bed if they aren’t tired yet, but always wake them at the same time of the morning. Pay attention to whether or not your baby is high sleep needs, etc.

[Jeanine Mills · Rating 1 out of 5]

As always with parenting books, I feel some was helpful and some was not. This one I read as my newborn was on my lap. I was anxious about sleep as my older daughter had problems sleeping and through reading this book (like the ones I read as a first time parent) I learned that it is all my fault. Now there are lots of strategies and things I can do to help make it better, but essentially its all my fault. So that's fun. It was good to read ahead and have a plan of action in mind with my second daughter. But her sleep seems to be so different from the start. And with picking up, dropping off, and scheduled activities of the older daughter I don't have the luxury of honoring second daughters sleep times in a consistent place/space. Unfortunately she will just have to sleep when she's tired on the go. I do know how important sleep is. And I hope that the differences between the first and second continue since the second seems to be a better sleeper and self soother than the first. Ha, maybe I did something right the second time by just leaving her to her own devices more often. Likely. However I won't be re-reading this book as it does have that tone of "get it together mom" that I don't know how to avoid in parenting books any more than the authors. I'm just not that into parenting books, but I love knowing I'm getting all the helpful information possible to do right by my kids. Good Grief!

[Annie · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was in the box of children's books that we got from a relative. I wouldn't have picked it up otherwise, and I definitely wouldn't recommend it. First of all, there is no information that can't be found on countless baby sleep websites and there was nothing really new to me. The whole basis of the book is building a firm bedtime routine, which is reasonable, but the grand finale of said bedtime routine is to leave your kid alone in his crib to cry for as long as it takes. Basically the graduated extinction method of sleep training which is the absolute last thing I would try. You can go in and check the baby as much as you want, but only comfort them a little, don't engage them, boring interaction only and no longer than a minute at a time. The first night can take about 45 minutes of crying; night two will take even longer, over an hour, as the child will think that night one was just a fluke and they need to stick it out longer; by night three, it should be down to about 20 minutes and then good sleep from there on out!! Yay. I told my husband this, and he said, "Well, getting up all night sucks, but we're not doing that." There is no way that our baby is going to cry for over an hour with minimal comfort.

[Art · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jodi Mendell helped save my household from an enormous amount of potential frustration. Her deliberate but sensitive approach to sleep and sleep training for families with young children was much needed. With her help my wife and I were able to hash out a game plan to work a more intentional sleep schedule into our household. And we did it! Not without some struggles and not perfectly, but still, what a help this was. After 3 or 4 nights of sleep training my daughter was much more comfortable in her bed than she had been for months. I would recommend this book to any parent who wants to read more about sleep training or who is at the end of their rope with what to do about sleep. I found Jodi Mendell to be more practical and less rigid than Ferber, yet with a similar approach to sleep.

[Benjamin]

After listening to Jodi Mindell on the One Bad Mother podcast, I decided to get her book. As this is a topic I have read and heard about before, I found myself skimming a bunch here; but I think these sorts of books are made to skim, with easily trackable topics. So, let's say, you have a newborn, you can skip all the stuff about toddlers; or if you have a night owl, you can skip the section on early risers.

Whatever you skip, you'll find the message the same throughout the book: it's up to you, the parent, to set the structure that your child needs, but also, do whatever works for your baby and your family to get to that structure, whatever it is. Mindell has a huge amount of data and a strong idea about what's best, but she's never judgy and always humane.

Now, to think more about this and work out a structure that actually works for Henry, my three month old.

[Elyssa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the BEST sleep book in my opinion (and there are many out there). Jodi Mindell provides a lot of information about the science of sleep and its extreme importance for babies and growing children. She does not suscribe to radical theories, though she does endorse some elements of the cry-it-out approach if other methods do not work. Some parents dislike this book because they perceive it to be a "sleep training" manual, but I view it more as sleep guidance because her tone and approach is gentle and helpful.

[Lara · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book /seemed/ helpful, but once I finished it I hadn’t found much that actually helped improve my 8-month-old’s sleep habits (or that I was willing to employ.) The book is divided into three parts in my mind: the science of sleep (pretty neat, but doesn’t really change anything), tips on creating positive sleep associations (basically my only take-away), and “put him in the crib and leave the room no matter how long he screams and sobs. He’ll be fine.” Did they look into the science behind THAT?

[Jamie · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is a "cry it out" book. Maybe I'll change my mind in a few months, but this method is not for me. I lost all respect for this author when she encouraged me to consider it a good thing if my baby vomits after crying for so long and so hard.

No thanks.

[Holly · Rating 5 out of 5]

This along with a few others really helped me to sleep train my kids. If I could only pick one sleep book, though, it would be this one.

[Jo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Like many parents, the idea of sleep training felt unthinkable... And then at 5 months, my baby started taking 1-2 hours to get to sleep (my husband and I rocked baby to sleep, etc) and then baby woke up every 30 minutes - 1 hour all night, every night. Went to the doctor and baby was completely healthy. This went on for about 4 weeks until my husband and I thought we were going to have a nervous breakdown. Baby was grumpy all day (as was exhausted!) and was taking short naps, but still not managing any kind of length of time. After some desperate googling, I found a Guardian article on infant sleep where a doctor said most parents who were planning to pay for a sleep consultant (our next step) would do better to read this book first. We did and it was honestly life changing. The author is a doctor, who is a leading expert on infant sleep. The book is clear and practical (with easy to understand links to science, e.g
sleep cycles), and she details different methods of helping your child learn how to get to sleep themselves. And that is really what the book has helped us do. After a few nights, baby was quickly going to sleep on their own and had gone back to waking up every 3-4 hours. Our lives were suddenly manageable again, and all of us - especially the baby! - were much happier. Now baby is older and I understand that babies really do cry for many reasons as they try to communicate (the cat runs away when they're chasing it, they finish eating their banana and you're not moving quickly enough to get them more, etc. etc :) and our baby was crying a lot at 5-6 months, because they were so frustrated and exhausted!

What I really liked about the book is that it gave different approaches you can use depending on how you want to parent. For me, I wanted baby to be able to get to sleep on their own, but was happy to keep comforting/feeding them through the night till they naturally grew out of it. We have a fun bedtime routine, (something suggested by the book - there's lots of general good parenting / sleep tips in there too), and now at 9 months old, my baby is put down in their crib, they snuggle into their favourite toy, rolls over and goes to sleep for 10-13 hours a night - and is so happy during the day! Baby is babbling, crawling, pulling themselves up, and progressing brilliantly.

If you don't need any help with your baby's sleep because what you're doing is working for you, your family, and the baby, then that's wonderful - and you have no need for this book! However, for any parents of babies/toddlers (there's a whole section on toddlers I skipped, but looks thorough) who are having sleep problems, then this is really worth a read. It's also worth reading the chapter on sleep training in the excellent book 'Cribsheet' by Emily Oster if you're worried about sleep training as a concept. I truly felt desperate a few months ago and I'm writing such a glowing review of this book as it's made that much of a positive difference to me, my family, and most importantly, my baby.

[Tommy Grooms · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book as a first time parent to head off any sleeping problems with our new daughter, so I can’t give an endorsement based on application just yet. I appreciated the big picture thoughts about good sleep being something that needs to be taught like anything else, and I’m eager to use the strategies from the chapter on managing behavior.

It’s worth noting that based on some of these reviews people imagine “cry it out” to mean “let your baby cry for any length of time whatsoever without trying to soothe her.” If that’s your definition then Dr. Mitchell is a proponent of “cry it out”, but otherwise this is a ridiculous assertion. She is describing the training needed for children to fall asleep on their own, and specifically advises against letting children cry and cry until they fall asleep.

[Matt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Far from perfect, but still the best (and best written) sleep book we found and enormously helpful. Mindell presents a strong behavioral model of sleep training that we found very effective. We came to the book already convinced by that over-all approach (Emily Oster was helpful for us on this point), but obviously if you are prejudiced against that method this is probably not for you. Weak points were that the book is rather out of date (for example, she does not discuss swaddling and assumes you will have things in the crib with baby, which is now not recommended). I could have done without the vignettes, and I found the vignette on SIDS tasteless, but they are easily skipped if that's not your jam.

[Christina · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had high hopes for this book as it was recommended in another parenting book, however I can’t say I recommend it. We tried everything in this book for our baby that would wake up every 3 hours until 6 months old when we finally went to the pediatrician. The pediatrician’s advice was the “cry it out method” which we had been dreading and trying to avoid.. however after 3 days of her crying for 10-15 minutes every few hours she was FINALLY sleeping through the night. My advice… ask your pediatrician!l, don’t waste your time reading this book.

[Christopher Polidura · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book. It’s very informative and realistic as well. My 11-month-old son couldn’t fall asleep without sleeping in our arms at first. He also woke up every two hours, requiring more time spent having him fall asleep in our arms. This was after we established a consistent bedtime routine several months before. After following Mindell’s method, my son started falling asleep independently and quietly after six days, and his quality of sleep improved.

[Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciate the guidelines in bedtime routines and consistency, but the "letting them cry it out" strategy seems too dated. I was hoping for a more modern approach that doesn't involve weeks of listening to a 4 month old sobbing. Overall, allowing children to fall asleep on their own is the goal; I'm just not convinced this is the method that will work for us.

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was one of the most helpful and practical books I read as a new Mom, and it was easy to read. I highly recommend it to just about anyone who is looking for a practical and realistic method for sleep-training your babies. I’ve used it with both my kids, basically from the time they were born, and they both slept through the night by 8 weeks!

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been reading and re-reading this book since 2014 when my first son was born, through even now as my almost 3-year-old develops new sleep issues. Every time I consult this book, I fix an issue. Highly recommend!

[B · Rating 4 out of 5]

This has a ton of additional information about sleep in general which was interesting, but the meat of it is so helpful and if you follow the formula, it works! I am hereby writing this review as my baby is sleeping in the next room and went down, awake, with zero fuss, self soothed and presto!

[Emily · Rating 2 out of 5]

Again, a few helpful hints here and there but nothing earth shattering. You just have to survive until baby figures out their own sleep schedule-- you can help it along a bit but not much.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

fingers crossed

[Regina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful for all matters sleep related, including troubleshooting common sleep issues.