Trying Again: A Guide to Pregnancy After Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss

by Ann Douglas, John R. Sussman

Written especially for parents who have lost a child, Trying Again provides facts to help determine whether you, or your partner, are emotionally ready for another pregnancy.

Genres: Nonfiction, Grief, Parenting

326 pages, ebook

First published January 1, 2000

About the author

Ann Douglas sparks conversations that matter about parenting and mental health. She is a bestselling parenting book author and the former parenting columnist for The Toronto Star and CBC Radio. Her most recent book -- Navigating the Messy Middle: A Fiercely Honest and Wildly Encouraging Guide for Midlife Women -- has just been published in Canada, the US, and the UK.

Ann is also the author of Happy Parents Happy Kids, Parenting Through the Storm: How to Handle the Highs, the Lows, and Everything in Between, and the creator of The Mother of All Books series: The Mother of All Pregnancy Books, The Mother of All Baby Books, The Mother of All Toddler Books, The Mother of All Parenting Books and The Mother of All Pregnancy Organizers.

A passionate and inspiring speaker, Ann delivers keynote addresses and leads small-group workshops at health and parenting conferences. If you've already met Ann via one her books, you know what you can expect from one of her presentations: to be inspired, informed, and entertained. Not only will she shift your thinking about parenting: she’ll move you to action as well—and in a way that leaves you feeling confident and capable as opposed to anxious, guilty, or overwhelmed.

You can connect with Ann on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.

Reviews

[Rachel C · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book informative and full of statistics and data regarding miscarriage, stillbirth & infant loss. The author does a great job of explaining the causes of these types of losses, the odds of them occurring again, as well as things you can do to prevent the losses. She also delves deep into the concerns women have about conceiving again and about actually being pregnant again. Sprinkled throughout are stories of both good and bad things that have happened to real women. A helpful read.

[Jane Lebak · Rating 3 out of 5]

I reviewed Trying Again for my local infant loss support group after already having a subsequent pregnancy. This book is intended for women who have become pregnant after a loss without really understanding why their babies died the first time or what they can do about it. As such, it's much more medical than I expected, very clinical on a basic level, and without as many personal stories or tips about your emotional state than I would have expected given its length. The medical talk runs the risk of scaring women who may suddenly self-diagnose their pregnancies with everything that could possibly happen. A book with more emotional support would be "Still To Be Born" by Schwiebert and Kirk.

I was irritated by the title, since "Trying Again" means you failed, and I hate to see the death of a baby treated as a failure. The author also assumes that most parents' automatic response to the diagnosis of a birth defect is to terminate the pregnancy, so pro-life readers may be a little distressed whenever the subject arises. No parents are featured who carried to term after a fatal diagnosis.

[Kimberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book gave me hope after my miscarriage, I would suggest it to anyone going through this.

[Anjenette · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book several times, my husband and I have gone through 2 miscarriages and losing our precious Jeremiah(born at 24 weeks) Strongly encourage if you have gone through any of the above.

[Kimberly · Rating 2 out of 5]

Does not include much consideration for loss after infertility treatment.

[C · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found the part saying basically "it might be a good idea to wait you're really ready before trying again but you might not be able to wait much if you're on the older side" annoying. As most pregnancy and parenting books, it's also too centered on the mom IMO. But overall a good read for couples about to or already trying again after pregnancy or infant loss. It feels validating for people who've suffered miscarriages to see their losses treated along with stillbirths (deaths after 20 weeks of gestation) and infant deaths. But it bothered me that embryos would be called "babies" just like fetuses and actual babies. Wish I had read it earlier. The chapter on how those losses might play into the post partum period for couples who've had an healthy baby following losses is very good.

[Alyssa Jahnigen]

I thought this book was incredibly informative and thorough. I feel that for some moms it might be too much information... I found some parts interesting because it related to my situation, and some parts interesting because it related to a friend's situation or because I am interested in birth in general. I would recommend this book to anyone who has had a loss, even if they are sure they do not want to try again. It solidified my feelings and helped me to see that the wide variety of opinions and options are all normal.

[Hilary · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read "Coming to Term" by Jon Cohen first and found it much more helpful. Trying again didn't have much novel information in it(I felt like I could skim through a lot), but there were still some good parts that were helpful. I would recommend Coming to Term over this book, but this one is still worth getting out of the library when you get to the point of thinking of trying again.

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some of the information was great to read and help me understand some things after my loss. Other information I should've skipped. Now I have a whole new list of things I'm paranoid about when we try to conceive again. I should've read the chapters on dealing with loss and put it down.

[Kimberleena · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not very helpful, in my opinion. Tells you ALL the things that can go wrong, but not a whole lot on preventing or easing fears.

[Valeria · Rating 3 out of 5]

It is a book to read only when you pass the phase of grieving. If you are still grieving, find other options. The first 4 chapters are all about the scary things that could go wrong. I skip most of those chapters to avoid increasing my anxiety level and only dig into the part that I believe is relevant and useful to my own case. Most of the book talks about the difficulties and problems one could have encountered or would in the future. Not enough solutions are provided, let alone a good guide for trying again. Still, it is worth reading with some practical advice, like what question to ask during OB visits.

[Victoria Cryer · Rating 4 out of 5]

A useful book with lots of facts and advice. Not just good for when you are considering trying again but also in the lead up to birth and even after the baby is born.

[Kelli Johnson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think this book could be very triggering for someone who has experienced a loss, as it goes through about a million different things that can go wrong.

[Quinn · Rating 3 out of 5]

I will start by saying half of this book is useful, and the other half I had to keep skipping. I felt they should have written two books, one about actually trying again, and one about all of the research about miscarriage, stillbirth, and neonatal death.

If you want to read about all of the horrifying things that can cause your baby’s death before, during, or after birth, look no further. Chapters 2 through 4 tell you all about it, and may scare you off from even trying again, which is apparently the goal for this book. Those chapters also didn’t really have any stories from parents who experienced the death of a baby.

This could be a useful resource, but I would recommend skipping every part where they talk about what can go wrong if you have a lot of anxiety like me, and just skim for the stories from other parents and the tips they have about coping with feelings you may experience when trying to conceive again and if you become pregnant with and give birth to a subsequent child.

[Lyndsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was definitely informative and filled with information. That said, after knowing our daughter had Turner Syndrome and attending a support groups for loss, not much of it was new for me and I was able to skim through it. More valuable were the stories of others who have been through pregnancy after loss and how they felt about it. It's a well-organized book which makes it easy to find and refer to whatever in particular you may need. We are not cleared for TTC yet, but when we are, I will definitely reread sections of this book and keep it on hand. Worth the read if you or a loved one has experience loss and is or will be experiencing pregnancy after loss.

[Meghan Wedgeworth]

Tried to read this last summer, but decided to give it a year. Not a book I would recommend and not exactly leisure reading. But certainly helpful if that's what you need.