Spoilers!
Well, my wallet is happy I have reached the end of the Alice journey, but I am not. I have to say, Alice is one of the reasons I no longer start reading series, because they can drag your money for 28 books, as this series did. But unlike all the supernatural and sci-fi books out there now only existing for the next plot twist, Alice was a rare bird indeed. Alice is the Lizzie McGuire of the YA fiction world: a girl you want to keep rooting for and following, even though she is surprisingly ordinary. At times I found Alice too Plain Jane. But after reading NITYE I realized that I would have never wanted Alice to be anything but true to herself. And neither did Naylor. So Alice was Alice: the Brave, the Dangerous, the Outrageous, the Intense... the Wonderful.
When I first heard of the last book, I imagined it would follow the previous format of the other books (fall, spring, summer), only it would have an epilogue about Alice at age 60. Never did I imagine we would see Alice in her 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s too! I just thought we'd hear about her at college, skip to 60, and that would be the end of it. But as rushed as people say this book is, can you imagine if she would have gone from 20 to 60 with no warning?! I thought this book was perfectly paced. Chapters do skip years at a time, but the whole book felt very natural and organic to me. Naylor succeeds in doing her best to follow previous threads mentioned earlier in the book. Yes, this book could have been many, many more books, but, honestly, it was sweeter to read about surprise after surprise rather than sit through twenty-eight more Alice books, eventually getting tired of them all. Twenty-seven books later, it still feels like Alice ended at the right time with this one.
The big question, of course, is Alice and Patrick. Do they end up together? Well, yes. And you know from my previous reviews that I was never particularly gunning for them (pinning down Patrick is like trying to "harness the sea," after all). I changed my mind with this book. When Alice was reunited with Patrick after all his travels in the chapter "Unbelievable," I realized that she couldn't have been with anyone else. We only met Dave in this book, and, admittedly, it would have been super weird if she had married someone who wasn't in the rest of the series. But when Alice and Patrick met back up and finally made love, I saw so much of me and my fiancé in Alice and Patrick that everything suddenly made sense. Truthfully, I never thought Patrick was loyal enough for Alice (I hate cheaters, and I never got over his thing with Penny back in Alice Alone). I thought they were mismatched in a lot of ways, the chief one being that Alice was never going to stray far from home, and she didn't, while Patrick was always all over the world. But this convinced me of all the reasons why they make sense. And I can go back and read all the previous books with a newfound appreciation for them as a couple.
The other big question (for me, anyway), was when Alice would lose her damn virginity. I believe it was at 19 or 20 to Dave, her first fiancé. The chapter gives it away ("The First Time"). It was so nice that sex finally became normal for everyone in this book. Yeah, Liz waits till marriage. I was pretty bummed that we never hear about her first time with her husband, Moe, as Liz is the last one left a virgin. Then all of a sudden she has kids and it's like bam! Hard to picture that Liz was ever a virgin.
So much happened in this book (duh) that I obviously cannot cover everything. But here is the quick scoop on how everyone's lives turned out:
Lester: Lester marries Stacy, a woman introduced in this book. She is his opposite, as most couples in this series are. They remain childless until Stacy is 41 and Les is 47 when they have triplets (!!). Stacy and Les make a really cute couple, and they made me think a lot of Sylvia and Ben, Alice's dad. Les marries very early on in the book, but it feels natural that it was Stacy and not some old girlfriend from way back. They move to West Virginia and settle there.
Pamela: Pamela never has children, and she doesn't marry until she's sixty! But that felt true to her character. Pamela was always the most unconventional one. She ends up working in advertising, and she keeps up her usual hijinks throughout the book.
Elizabeth: Liz meets her future husband on their (Alice, Pamela, Liz) promised road trip to California. I was excited to see that something from the last book, Alice on Board, was actually carried out. Gwen doesn't go because she's in med school. Liz's husband is Moe, or Moses. Again, it feels very true to Liz's character that she gets a guy who is so sweet and treats her right. Sadly, Liz miscarries their first child, and I was pissed it happened to wonderful Liz who wanted a child so much. But she eventually has two girls (I believe).
Sylvia and Ben: There isn't much of them in this book because Alice is finally off on her own and making her own way in the world. However, Naylor fills us in on everybody's happenings every few chapters. Ben lives a long life and dies at 88 right before bypass surgery. Seeing Alice's grief at losing her father was one of the saddest moments of the series. But she has a wonderful chat with Sylvia afterwards.
Gwen: Gwen marries a man named Charlie and has children. She makes it through med school but switches from pediatrics to gynecology. Aside from missing the road trip to California, Gwen is usually around when everyone meets up to catch up.
Aunt Sally, Uncle Milt, and Carol: There is actually a huge lack of Aunt Sally in this book, which was shocking. She doesn't treat Alice like a kid in the few times they are mentioned, which was kinda nice, but also kind of weird. Aunt Sally dies before Uncle Milt, though they both pass before the end of the book.
Lori and Leslie: Alice finds out towards the end that they are married and running a bed and breakfast in Haynes, Idaho.
We don't hear anymore about Marilyn or Lester's other exes. The rest of the gang is summed up during the opening of the time capsule at the end of the book (I shed massive tears).
But who could forget Alice?! The reason we are here. I will sum up her adventures:
Her college years and later years with her family are the best and were the most fun to read about. They were the most poignant and wonderful. I'm glad we got to experience Alice in college, which lasts about the first 200 pages. Alice meets a serious boyfriend (and later fiancé) Dave in college and loses her virginity to him. But when she realizes that all they do is sleep, have sex, and a few other things, Alice realizes that he is not the future husband she wants, and that she is not happy with him. She breaks off the engagement. Her memorable college experiences include her first roommate having sex on her bed and almost getting raped by a guy. I was really surprised by the latter. Alice goes to grad school for her counseling degree, but that's pretty much glossed over. She's with Patrick from the chapter "Unbelievable" on (he breaks up with her during college while he's in the Peace Corps). He proposes to her offhand in Ocean City and says they will marry when Alice finishes grad school. Alice is happy with the proposal, and it feels right. She gets married at 23 (!!). Alice was not the first of her friends to lose her virginity, but she is the first to have a child (because Pam miscarried in high school and Liz has a miscarriage after marrying Moe). Her first child with Patrick is Patricia Marie, named after her mother. Alice has Patty at 26, the same age I am now. I'm still not remotely ready for a kid but, again, being traditional and following a traditional timeline felt true to Alice's character. (Go to college, get married, buy a house, have kids, etc.). Alice does end up a middle school guidance counselor as she always wanted, and we get to see some of her interactions with the students, though I wish there were more. Not long after Patricia Alice gives birth to her second and last child, Tyler. As I said, once Alice has her family and the kids grow up, her life becomes so sweet and it is precious to read about. The best moments of the book are when Alice tells Patricia Marie about her own adventures as a kid. It connects us with the earlier books while reminding us what a wonderful life Alice has had. Alice has experienced tragedy before but not firsthand until this book. She gets breast cancer towards the end. She pulls through and it all seems like not a big deal, but I suspect it was. Alice never does tame Patrick, but she does have a wonderful life of travel. They visit Ireland for their honeymoon, and they go snorkeling in St. John for their 25th wedding anniversary. Alice, Patrick, and the kids move to Barcelona for two years. They later take a trip to London over spring break. It was hard to keep up with all the places they went! But I was so happy, because I always feared Alice would continue to stay too close to home (they settle in Chevy Chase, Maryland). This is why she needed Patrick: to end up as the adventurous, wonderful woman she becomes. Patricia marries a guy named Zack that Patrick and Alice don't approve of, but then Alice realizes that she doesn't want her daughter to be a carbon copy of herself. Patty and Zack have a son named Lyle. We don't see Tyler marry, but he does have a longtime girlfriend at the end of the book.
The book ends with a slight twist: it was Alice writing these books all along! The only problem? She starts with Starting with Alice, and in reality Agony of Alice came first. So, if Alice really was writing these, she didn't have to write them chronologically either, because Starting With Alice didn't come along until much later. The book was great until that... it felt very fanfiction-y and "for the fans," much like the epilogue to the last Harry Potter (even J.K. Rowling wishes Harry and Hermione were together now). Besides, it was weird for Naylor to break the fourth wall and suddenly have Alice as the author of these books... this was the first one where she wrote it (as far as I know) with that intent. You can feel that that might be the outcome of this book, but you can't feel it in the others. So it doesn't feel authentic for that reason.
Other than that gripe (and all endings suck these days, honestly), this book was fantastic. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. And there is a surprise... I finished this book after midnight, meaning I ended the series on May 14th, which hardcore fans will know is Alice's birthday. I seriously did not plan it that way, but as I was skimming The Alice Bible I realized that May 14th was, in fact, today. Speaking of the Alice Bible, it's helpful to check out before starting NITYE. It's available on the Alice McKinley website at alicemckinley.com under Just the Facts. It is such a beautiful thing that I ended this series on Alice's birthday. What a perfect ending to all of my memories with these books. You will live on, Alice... Alice Forever and Always.