The Terrible Twos

by Ishmael Reed

"The Terrible Twos" is a wickedly funny, sharp-edged fictional assault on all those sulky, spoiled naysayers needing instant gratification--Americans. Ishmael Reed's sixth novel depicts a zany, bizarre, and all-too believable future where mankind's fate depends upon St. Nicholas and a Risto rasta dwarf named Black Peter, who together wreak mischievous havoc on Wall Street and in the Oval Office. This offbeat, on-target social critique makes marvelous fun of everything that is American, from commercialism to Congress, Santa Claus to religions cults.

Genres: Fiction, Satire, Novels, African American, American, 20th Century, African American Literature

192 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1988

About the author

Ishmael Scott Reed is an American poet, essayist, and novelist. A prominent African-American literary figure, Reed is known for his satirical works challenging American political culture, and highlighting political and cultural oppression.

Reed has been described as one of the most controversial writers. While his work has often sought to represent neglected African and African-American perspectives, his energy and advocacy have centered more broadly on neglected peoples and perspectives irrespective of their cultural origins.

Reviews

[Melki · Rating 3 out of 5]

Two-year-olds are what the id would look like if the id could ride a tricycle.

I initially enjoyed the gleefully frenetic pace of this book, but eventually it, plus the cast of what seemed like thousands, wore me out. By the end, I wasn't completely sure who was doing what with whom and why...and I had ceased to care. This has not soured me on Reed's writing - I've got several more of his titles sitting patiently on my shelf. His imagination and style are hard to beat. But this one? I don't know. Perhaps a more forceful editor could have reined things in a bit and kept the bloating under control.

Anyway, in this mad, mad tale, we have a grinch who buys the exclusive rights to Santa Claus and attempts to take over Christmas. Meanwhile, Black Peter, Santa's former helper, dreams of replacing St. Nicholas with Haile Selassie. However...the main gist of the book seems to be that Americans behave like spoiled two-year-olds.

If you've ever followed our politics, I'm sure you'll agree with that sentiment.

Here's a lovely 19th century lithograph of Black Peter and the jolly old Saint.



Note: Googling images of Black Peter? NOT A GOOD IDEA!

Some things once seen can never be unseen...

[MJ Nicholls · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ishmael is well-served in print—all poems and plays and essays and novels widely available—but his readership is hardly vast. Even among my GR brethren, hardy wielders of the spade, intrepid adventurers in the unseen original, Reed rarely pops up with a tickled five-star write-up. Hardly a potent point to make, says you, in this two-star review, but be ye not flippant, because works like Mumbo Jumbo, The Freelance Pallbearers, Reckless Eyeballing and Yellow Radio Back Broke-Down all demonstrate this innovator’s outlandish skill at bending the language to service his devilishly satirical agendas. Alongside its sequel, The Terrible Threes, this novel is written in a matter-of-fact style, in simple unexciting sentences, stuffed with increasingly dull surrealism and rambling and often unfunnily callous satire. Comedic novels need to be anchored in some sort of believable reality before they go nuts, and Reed stretches his comedy far past the point this reader was particularly interested in anything on the page, apart from the amusing dialogue and diverting shenanigans. Get thee to more Reed, people!—but not this one.

[Cody · Rating 3 out of 5]

Unlike that perennial killjoy MJ, I found myself enjoying this more often than not. That I developed a cold-flu the night before doubtlessly influenced this, but, shit...I don't eat popcorn. I do, however, require any sort of buttering to assuage even the slightest virus as, being male, I am an enormous fucking baby when I'm sick. Shelf this with similar pulp to apply liberally when fevered and miserable.

[Konrad · Rating 5 out of 5]

This Is America. Now as in the 1980's. In fact this might be even more relevant now than it was then, with corporate control of EVERYTHING only becoming more monolithic by the day, and a cabal of corrupt, shady oligarchs pulling the strings on an empty-headed media personality they've somehow gotten elected president, quietly cozying up to white supremacist groups in order to embolden their bigoted supporters and shore up their dominion over all the uppity "surplus" people in the country and the world. Even the recent push for space colonization is predicted and properly demystified here - "What do you think those spaceships are for, you fools? So that the executives of multinational corporations and their company men and servants will be able to sit out the holocaust on another planet." Remember that next time you hear Chump or one of his supporters use the words "Space Force". ** cue Imperial March**

Ishmael Reed knows what's up and should be far more well known than he is. He should rightfully be on every cable news network, all the time, as a familiar face and featured guest, telling it like it is. Unfortunately that's not the kind of society we live in today. Nor is it the kind of society portrayed in "The Terrible Twos" ...

Tonally the closest thing I can compare this novel to would be Wilson and Shea's "Illuminatus!" trilogy. Although I'd venture to say this was better written and a bit more spot-on with its social commentary. Sorry, Robert Anton Wilson.

This may have just become one of my favorite books. Perhaps this is a bit too soon to say. I can't wait to read it again, and I've already ordered its sequel, "The Terrible Threes". Really looking forward to delving into more of Reed's work ...

[Emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

A disturbing yet riveting political satire that carries over well into today's society. Difficile est saturam non scribere.

[Luke Patrick · Rating 3 out of 5]

I will start by saying that I’m probably not the best person to review this book. I read the other famous Ishmael Reed book in college and really enjoyed it, so I thought this one would be fun.

I found this book difficult to read, but I also might not have “gotten it” fully. Parts of it were lucid and fast-paced and fun. Other parts felt like a confusing trudge through 1980s culture.

I guess perhaps that I know I don’t understand the satire because if someone on the street asked me, which would be unlikely, what Reed is satirizing, I would just say everything.

The Santa Claus stuff is fun and funny. The book did make me laugh out loud multiple times. I didn’t really care about any of the characters but that’s to be expected in a book like this.

This is a book club book for me, and one I proposed to the group lol. The book was super difficult to find and a little dense and culturally dated, so it might signal the death of the book club, which is unfortunate because it is also our first book. I will have to read more about this book to prepare for that discussion so perhaps my thoughts will change. I do believe it could be a substantial and beautiful piece of literature, I just feel like I only accessed about 20% of it.

When I was in college I used to get really embarrassed if I didn’t understand a book. I would overcompensate by liking books that were difficult even if I didn’t really enjoy them because I wanted other people to think I was well-read and smart. As I’ve gotten older and have a job it matters less to me. Sometimes things don’t click. Not everybody has to understand everything all the time. It’s ok to not like something as much as you feel like you should.

[Maddie Heidari · Rating 4 out of 5]

Humor, sci-fi, mythology, wit, irony, and sarcastic remarks about US politics, fused into the shape of a great story we can all relate to.

[Roz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sometime between Christmas and Election Day, I read Ishmael Reed's novel The Terrible Twos and somehow it seemed like it was commenting on what was happening on the news around me. A celebrity elected president, with people pulling the strings behind him, capitalism and corporate greed run amok, and a nightmarish plan only a Rastafarian dwarf and Santa Claus can stop.

For those who aren't familiar with Reed, he's a novelist, poet and academic who's written over 20 books and picked up accolades from critics as diverse as Harold Bloom and James Baldwin. His books go in and out of print, making them a bit of a pain to find, but they're generally worth it. He writes in a fast-paced, almost slangy prose, often jumping around from character to character without warning. His books take aim at museums, the media and, essentially, our insane society. At his best, he illuminates how bizarre our times and beliefs are.

That all said, The Terrible Twos is not his best novel (that's probably Mumbo Jumbo). It's a little stilted and the opening drags perhaps a bit. But at it's core, it's a darkly satirical look at the intersection of runaway capitalism and corrupt democracy. Here, a former model is elected president with the help of the media, so the people in the background can execute a plan to rid America of undesirables. A former cokehead TV exec is born again and sells God to the public over the TV. And a company gains a exclusive copyright over Santa Claus, thus cornering a lucrative market while making customers pay through the nose.

The plot's kind of beside the point: a Rasta monk hatches a plan to use Santa - in the role of Black Peter - to wake up society and spread a vaguely socialistic message, while the President suffers a crisis of conscience. If anything, it shows the wide-ranging and esoteric research of Reed: he mixes Dutch forklore with Eastern Orthodox lore, with a dash of 20th century spin. Where the book comes most alive is it's savage takedowns of Americana: the way a tree gets revenge on the people who cut it down, the way New York city descends into chaos with just a push of Santa's belly.

It's probably not for everyone, maybe even not for the average reader. But I think the kind of person who'll like this, and the rest of Reed's novels, will like it a lot.

[Rod · Rating 3 out of 5]

Once I read a ways into this and picked up its rhythm (while figuring out the characters), this was a great, biting, surprisingly relevant read. Speaking of the corporate overlords: "The common citizen could never imagine how selfish they were. So selfish that they would destroy the world if it got in the way of their profits, then write the world off as a tax deduction." Operation Two Birds plans to bomb America, blame it on a foreign power, necessitating an endless war that will enrich the defense industry while ridding the world of "surplus people." Doesn't sound like a fun book, does it. Still, along the way, the reader learns something about the uneasy relationship between the Church and St. Nicholas and the legend of Black Peter, and takes a trip that combines Dante's circles of hell with Dickens' ghosts of Christmas past (including some past Presidents.) America is compared to a self-absorbed, whining, two-year-old (thus the title). I hear it falls a bit in quality, but still, I'm looking forward to The Terrible Threes and some more of Reed's rhythms.

[Jeffrey W. · Rating 4 out of 5]

"I keep thinking of a two-year-old when I think of an appropriate metaphor with which to describe this sour, Scroogelike attitude which began with the Scrooge Christmas of '80. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, The President, whose Secret Service code name was Rawhide, had been elected and a mood of grouchiness and bitchiness swept the land, as cold as the Arctic winds, but it wasn't half as cruel as what was to come."

Not as amazing as Mumbo Jumbo (that would be impossible), but as good as Flight to Canada and better than Yellow Back Radio Broke-Down, in my opinion. A lot to dig into, if you're willing to do some research outside of the novel--which I love.

[Joseph · Rating 5 out of 5]

Santa Claus goes Corporate in "The Terrible Twos.' Reed, quick to pick up on the spirit of the Regan era in this 1982 publication, managed to predict, as effectively as he lampooned, the renewed ascent of the white patriarchal greed. A moron president, strong hints at global warming, the regression of feminism, economic terrorism, bad European karma, and the usual sorts of century spanning conspiracy theories together evoke as much of Bush II's reign as it does of Dutch's—if not more.

[Joe · Rating 2 out of 5]

If you're into provocative literature and haven't read Ishmael Reed, you're an idiot; however, this isn't where to start. The satire here has aged (though w/interesting corollaries between this and South Park (cartoonish evisceration of popular figure (re: Santa)). The language of Yellow Back Radio is more inventive and its ability, as an allegory, to transcend its own context greater.

[Chris · Rating 4 out of 5]

With its relatively straight forward plot and setting, The Terrible Twos was a welcome addition to my reading curriculum after reading Mumbo Jumbo. Although this book is less scholarly, I at least felt like I could follow what was going on without having to read a million footnotes or re-reading chapters. Although Mumbo Jumbo was an interesting read, this was a fun read, and I like that.

[Michael Durant · Rating 3 out of 5]

The narrative flow was a little rough to my taste, and the dialogue was a little corny and wooden, but that might have been a deliberate choice on Reed's part.

I enjoyed the story, but was a little frustrated by how much happens off the page.

Despite all this, the concept was A+ and still timely today.

[Charles · Rating 4 out of 5]

Again, not sure where to put this. A wild and crazy book full of many things. Quite funny in places, with some biting satire. I don't always agree with Reed's opinions on things, but he makes his opinions fun to read.

[Alexia Freudenberger · Rating 3 out of 5]

Meh. Worth the three dollars I paid for it as far as entertainment factor. The writing lacked flow. Gleaned some good quotes from it though.

[Marija · Rating 3 out of 5]

The critique in the book was spot on, the style a bit difficult.

[Robert · Rating 5 out of 5]

A satiric 'Christmas Carol' that's even more relevant now than at the time it was written.
Which is strictly terrifying...

[joseph · Rating 3 out of 5]

I did read something about Black Peter and I guess it was here.

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Awesome biting satire that takes the reader back to the 80s.

[Jack Wolfe · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ishmael Reed dedicates "The Terrible Twos" to, among others, the great George Clinton, which makes a whole lot of sense: "The Terrible Twos" feels like the transcript of some lost Funkadelic musical. It's all here-- the wackiness, the critique of American power, the scatology, the traveling through other dimensions, the sexuality, the Santa, the general sense of funk-- in all its grooveallegiant, self-indulgent, ridiculous over-the-topness. Like a lesser P-Funk effort, there might actually be too many ideas/ characters / settings here-- the plot never feels particularly compelling, because it's never staying in place long enough for the reader to figure out what the hell is going on. But the general thrust of the thing, which is AGAINST AMERICA, isn't terribly difficult to parse out. Ishmael Reed saw Reagan get elected and he knew exactly where we were going: straight to hell. And he probably understands that most incendiary parts of "The Terrible Twos" are the places where a character (Santa, or the President) makes a speech in favor of, oh, helping the poor. You just couldn't say these things in the early 80s, and you can barely say them now.

[Will Redman · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's Ishmael Reed so you know it's gonna be good. I read the first sentence of the NYT review and got real excited "Among the 80,000 things that happen in Ishmael Reed's wild new novel, the President of the United States, a male model with the name Dean Clift, visits hell in an elevator with St. Nicholas." Doesn't get much better than that. What a guy. What creativity. What chaos and frenetic energy.

[Dave Nichols · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reed writes terrific prose; its panorama is so sweeping and its pace so speedy, that you get that exhilaration you feel from peddling down a stair case and almost tripping. The satire seems to be targeting the corruption of money in American culture and politics, and the paranoia and sarcasm hum so musically and brutally.

[Adam · Rating 4 out of 5]

Juxtaposition of some straightforward prose with a scattered story coming from every angle, always gets reined in just when you feel like you're about to start losing your mind --- I don't, said Bob Krantz. I speak to the Lord day and night. Good boy, the Admiral said. Stay on your knees. That's the best position for running the state.

[Edward Champion · Rating 2 out of 5]

I love Ishamael Reed and think that he's deeply underrated, but this isn't one of his best novels. Much of the dystopian atmosphere feels dated and not particularly funny.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Will America ever grow out of the terrible twos? Unlikely.

[Michael Beblowski · Rating 5 out of 5]

Evidently afro-futurist subversion and satirical neo slave narratives appeased the white guilt and earned the praise of literary critics in the 1970s, but when Ishmael Reed wove a more scathing and outrageous, then-contemporary, Xmas story of political conspiracy, systemic racism, consumerist greed and multicultural mythology the critics were left out in the cold, pondering the significance of "winter in America" during the Reagan years. The Terrible Twos begins at the annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade in 1980, only months before the festive inauguration of the "actor President." Co-owners of a department store chain that is being acquired by the oil industry plot to extend the holiday shopping season indefinitely in order to generate more profit by claiming exclusive intellectual and marketing rights to Santa Claus. A decade later a former male modal is the puppet President entertaining members of the American Nazi party and passing legislation to make Hitler's birthday a national holiday, when he isn't perpetually changing clothing and attending parties. The country is covertly run by the business interests and zealous genocidal ambitions of a trio of advisers conspiring to decrease "surplus populations" in New York City and Miami while blaming the attacks on a foreign country that only recently dared to compete with the USA by acquiring nuclear weapons. When the First Lady is electrocuted while decorating the white house tree, a sacred spruce stolen from indigenous Alaskans who believed it possessed the spirits of their angriest ancestors, President Dean Clift is visited by St. Nick and shown a specific American Hell where Harry S. Truman is haunted by visions of the Japanese succumbing to the atomic bombs and Governor Rockefeller is forever chased by the massacred prisoners and hostages from the Attica prison uprising. In New York City a cult of St. Nick worshippers poses a threat to the hierarchy of pimps after converting two former prostitutes. But, the Nicolaites are experiencing internal dissent and a faction formed by Black Peter, who was first arrested in his youth for stealing a Xmas ham, and once peddled a ventriloquist act before his dummy was stolen. Black Peter believes that St. Nick and Ethiopian Emperor Haile Selassie share a lot in common and by abducting a former soap opera star who exclusively embodies Santa for Big North, he hopes to encourage the devotees of Santa Claus to boycott consumerism. Meanwhile detective Nance Saturday has been hired by one of the neighborhood pimps to find the assassin he paid to murder the leader of the Nicolaites, both have mysteriously vanished. The Terrible Twos is incredible inventive, composed of short chapters that recall the work of countercultural Pacific Northwest humorist, Tom Robbins. Reed is brilliantly unsparing in his depictions of systemic racism, ideological hypocrisy, and the sins of American history and has the potential to alienate all calcified and dogmatic positions from televangelism, to new age philosophy, white feminism, deconstructionism and all aesthetic traditions derived from Eurocentric notions of white cultural supremacy. Our country of conspicuous consumption, performative allyship, media manipulation, and historical amnesia is nothing but a child throwing a perpetual tantrum and demanding more. Perhaps one day the United States will grow up? Considering that Reed published a third volume of the series in 2021...it seems that this country may always be an endless source of farce.

[wally · Rating 3 out of 5]

read it decades ago...i believe i needed something wickedly funny at the time. there are not enough wickedly funny stories written and published...saw like confederacy of dunces...that was only published after the author committed suicide and his mother took the manuscript to walker percy.
it's not that there's not a market for it...i hazard it is something in our nature. look for me on prime time.

[Damien · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book in 2002, and was shocked. It was first published in 1982, and yet here we have a plot by four presidential advisors (including the vice president and a fanatical televangelist) to drop a bomb on New York City and blame the attack on Nigeria, claiming they have weapons of mass destruction to justify an invasion.