Actually, Clams Are Miserable

by Bryan Allain

WARNING: This book will teach you absolutely nothing. Seriously, you won't learn anything educational from this 125-page collection of sentences. You might snicker, you will probably shake your head, and some of you might even spit out your coffee laughing, but you won't be any smarter when you're done with it. (Clearly some reviewers thought otherwise.)

Actually, Clams Are Miserable is a humorous exploration of the clichés and expressions Americans use every day without really thinking about what they're saying.
Some of the expressions poked fun of in this book include:
"It's raining cats and dogs out there."
"I'm all ears."
"That's like comparing apples and oranges."
"Let's bury the hatchet"
"When push comes to shove"
"Happy as a clam"
"Let's give 110%"
"Don't throw the baby out with the bath water"
and many more
If you've said or heard any of those expressions in the last month, you might get a kick out of this book. But remember, you won't learn about the history or origins of these expressions. This isn't History 101, this is recess.

So kick off your shoes (not literally, that might hurt someone) and enjoy a fun, easy read that will forever change the way you look at these common expressions.

Genres: Humor

127 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2012

Reviews

[Eric · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was free for Kindle when I downloaded it. I read it a few days later during a slow day at work. Not having paid anything for the book and having actually gotten paid to read it, I still feel like I overpaid for this.
It starts as a list of cliches and expressions the author takes issue with, while he explains why. Entering chapter 2, it seems to turn into a list of any expressions and cliches the author can think of, while he tries to find something funny to say about each.

Bryan Allain comes off here as a that too drunk man in the corner of a dark bar, yelling about the same thing for hours while everybody tries not to look.

For anyone considering reading this, please just go to a dark bar late at night. I'm sure the comedy will be comparable, but at least you'll be able to have a drink to dull the pain

[Erica · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm glad I got this book for free, because it wasn't very funny or interesting at all. Instead of wasting a day (no kidding, the author said he wasted a day!) trying to think of what some of these phrases meant, he should have taken ten seconds to Google the meaning of the idiom to save us from having to read this drivel. The best thing about this book was that it was a quick read.

If you are thinking of buying or borrowing or downloading this book for free, please, save your time. It wasn't worth it. I really wish I had read the reviews of this book and not just the description before giving it a shot. I truly only finished it to see if there were more than one LOST reference. There were two. Enough to make me want to rewatch it on Netflix when I'm finished writing this review.

OK, now I'm finished.

[Tonya · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this book before the warning was included that there was nothing educational within the book. With that said, I was excited to think that I would be reading a book about the history of cliches that included jokes. All you get with this book is jokes. I felt like I was at open mic night at the comedy club, and the guy was on stage his first time. I groaned most of the time. Sure, there are tons of books out there about the history of cliches, and this could have been another one with humor on the side.

[Jeremy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think I read this in 2013 sometime.

[Matt B. · Rating 3 out of 5]

Just like we have no way of knowing if it is even possible for someone to be "happy as a clam", you will not know what you missing if you do not read this book. As a sarcastic and literal person myself, I greatly enjoyed Bryan's comments on a multitude of nonsensical sayings that we are all guilty of using. If you enjoy humor, sarcasm and taking things literal, you should check out this book.

[Susan Stilwell · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I got this book, I wasn't familiar with the author and expected a serious look at the backgrounds of quirky cliches. That would have been interesting but not nearly as entertaining as Bryan Allain's tongue-in-cheek approach. I enjoyed his humor and laughed out loud several times. I'd definitely buy another humor book from him.

[Lisa Godina · Rating 3 out of 5]

A comical look at some of the sayings that pepper our language such as Don't shoot the Messenger or When push comes to shove. This is not a book on the origins of the saying but rather just one person's comical insight. An easy read.

[Lee · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you are proficient in sarcasm, enjoy poking fun at age old sayings, and love 1 paragraph chapters, then this book is for you. It also helps if you're familiar with Bryan from his blog or elsewhere. A few of his comments will make you laugh out loud, but not all of them.

[Ashley Clark · Rating 4 out of 5]

Super funny :)

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Super fast read: One man's sarcastic and humorous thoughts and opinions on common cliches and commonly used phrases.

[Anjeli Crisanto · Rating 3 out of 5]

So how can you say you're happy as a clam?

[Alek · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very quick read. Book is made up of very short commentary on common sayings. The comedy can get redundant sometimes, but pretty good, overall.

[Jon Snyder · Rating 3 out of 5]

short, pretty funny, sometimes hilariously dark.