Why Did I Marry You Anyway?: Overcoming the Myths That Hinder a Happy Marriage

by Barbara Bartlein

Helpful Strategies for Improving Your Marriage Movies like  Sleepless in Seattle  and  An Affair to Remember  bombard people with bad ideas about love. We are led to believe that if you meet the “right person” and fall in love, your marriage will thrive and you will be happy. However, while love is important, stable marriages are not based on love alone. Barbara Bartlein has worked with hundreds of couples as they have worked to save their marriages, and in  Why Did I Marry You Anyway?  she shares the secrets of what they have learned together. A happy, successful marriage almost always is the result of hard work and commitment, she says, but all too often people don’t know what to do to improve their marriages. This book fills that gap. With 15 strategies that cover all the common problems in relationships—like money, children, sex, and in-laws—Bartlein tells couples what to do and shows them how to do it. Each chapter addresses one of these important relationship-building strategies. First, a common complaint is explored. Second, common myths that block solutions to the problem are identified and helpful ways of countering them suggested. Third, case studies illustrate the concepts in action with real couples. Finally, quizzes and tools provide opportunities to practice these new skills and behaviors. The result is a helpful, humorous, and easy-to-read book that will result in positive changes in the lives of those who read it and put its strategies into practice.

332 pages, Paperback

First published July 31, 2003

Reviews

[Erika · Rating 2 out of 5]

Okay for the lay reader. Trite in places. Doesn't really speak to seriousness of abusive relationships. Quizzes can be helpful discussion starters. Tools at end of each chapter were the most useful out of the whole book.

[Brittany Seyb · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great resource for relationships. The tools at the end of the chapters after the quiz are great ideas to try to incorporate. It's nice that it's not a book that gives the reader the feeling of "oh you fall into this category, well that means you're screwed." It gives so many ideas as to how you can help turn some of your negative qualities into more positive qualities. It's not a book of let's blame the other person it's a book as that makes you evaluate yourself and work on yourself.

[Vanessa Maxwell · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have had to read this book over several times. Having to communicate with my ex due to our son keeps memories you would rather forgive and forget resurface. All the mixed emotions and mental states one goes through during a divorce this book is surely to help address and reassure you that your thoughts are normal.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a good book for anyone in a relationship - regardless of being married or not. It helps remind you that both you and your partner are human and will make mistakes but if you respect and care for one another then most everything can be dealt with.

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was given to me by the author last month when I was part of a small Psych Ethics course that she taught. The book was very easy to read and full of personal stories that illustrated her main points. This book is useful for anyone currently in, or aspiring to be in, a long term relationship. Bartlein (a Milwaukee native) discusses the foundation for a successful marriage - commitment. In the section on kids there is a good reminder of the hazards of being an over-involved parent (not an issue for me) or over-directive parent (sometimes an issue for me). Responsible parents, the author notes, let their children lead their own lives and only get involved when help is really needed. Only two criticisms of the book. First, the title is catchy but might send off alarm bells for partners. Second, the author presents research on the relationship between marital status and happiness which might be more correlational than causal. A worthy read with a lot of practical tips on strengthening a most important relationship.

[Vicki Lannerholm · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book for married couples looking to explore ways to deepen the relationship without a lot of hype. Practical approach to revisiting the basics and grounding the marital bond.

[Kari Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wishing I would have had this book, 3 marriages ago?!! Even tho I am once again single,.. They are stories I can relate to, each case study... And realize that it's not all "one sided" in a break up.. I will keep referencing this book for help with myself and the "life choices" I make in the future....also to help mold my daughters into the relationships that are healthy!! I've already ordered another one of her books! You never can learn ENOUGH!!