Emotional Vampires at Work: Dealing with Bosses and Coworkers Who Drain You Dry

by Albert J. Bernstein

Whether it's a coworker, subordinate, or boss, there's at least one emotional vampire in every office. These people try your patience, sap your energy, and add an entirely unhealthy dynamic to workplace productivity. The bestselling author of Emotional Vampires and Dinosaur Brains shows you how to spot and deal effectively with these dysfunctional elements in the ANTISOCIALS, who crave excitement in all its forms, including aggression
If your boss or a coworker is trying to push you around . . .
Learn that the most important battle to fight with a bully is in your own mind . HISTRIONICS, who believe that what it looks like is more important than what it is
If your boss thinks any problem can be solved with a motivational seminar . . .
Learn how to get a manager wannabe to actually manage . NARCISSISTS, who believe that the universe revolves around them
If your CEO makes Louis XVI look like Gandhi . . .
Learn techniques that diplomats have used throughout history to teach infantile monarchs to act like grown-ups . OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVES, who can't seem to see the forest for the trees
If there is absolutely no task that your boss considers too small to micromanage . . .
Learn to be a Control-Freak Whisperer by seeing your boss's fear rather than your own irritation . PARANOIDS, who think they've found the simple truths that explain everything
If you work in a place where you can't get ahead unless you drink the Kool-Aid . . .
Learn how to recognize a toxic belief system before it poisons you . VAMPIRE when vampires get promoted to positions of power, they remake organizations in their own image . . .
Learn the 15 warning signs that tell you to get out before sunset . PRAISE FOR EMOTIONAL "We love so much about this book! A great complement to Dealing with People You Can't Stand , it goes beyond dealing with the merely difficult behavior to the truly pathological. Bernstein offers believable examples and useful descriptions. This is the book to recommend when the topic of truly horrible behavior comes up!" -- Dr. Rick Kirschner and Dr. Rick Brinkman, authors of the international bestseller Dealing with People You Can't Stand "This book equips individuals with the tools to identify and defend against a wide array of emotional vampires at work. It offers well-developed tactics for navigating the most difficult people in any organization." -- Katherine Crowley and Kathi Elster, bestselling authors of Working with You Is Killing Me and Mean Girls at Work "It's amazing how one manipulative, territorial, or otherwise self-serving boss or employee can make the lives of everyone around miserable. In Emotional Vampires at Work , Albert Bernstein offers concrete, step-by-step guidance to manage life around these misfits. You'll learn to take care of your and your valued colleagues' needs, while contributing your best to your organization―with maturity and sanity." -- Nancy Ancowitz, author of Self-Promotion for Introverts

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Relationships, Business

271 pages, Hardcover

First published June 1, 2012

About the author

Dr. Albert J. Bernstein

Reviews

[Zoe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read the first version of the book a while ago, which discusses "emotional vampires" in the general sense, both in private and professional settings. Albert Bernstein re-edited the first book and focused on private relationship in that book and took the professional bits out and wrote a new book, building on what he had written before. This book is the second book, with a special focus on how one deals with such people at work.

I found this book very very helpful and spot-on on so many issues I have observed in the organization which I currently work in. I have been reading on the subject recently because I need to equip myself with knowledge to navigate some treacherous waters. This book is by far the most helpful one because it focuses on the professional setting. Dealing with personality disorders in a private setting is vastly different from that in a professional setting. You may choose to "ignore" the emotional vampire that is your ex husband, who belittles you and demeans you. Try that with an emotional vampire who is senior management and can sack in without batting an eye. I praise the writer for recognizing the different needs of different settings where we may encounter such emotional vampires. That has made this reading experience not only interesting but truly helpful.

The book discusses different categories of emotional vampires at work. Most of us would probably only recognize 1 or 2 types of them, hopefully. So a reader may find him/herself skipping some sections in this book. I think that is perfectly normal. I would not want to encounter all of them in life. Having to tolerate one of them is bad enough.

I find the suggestions Bernstein made valid and useful. But like anyone who knows a little psychology would know, there is no fix-all solution. One must reflect on the information and devise his/her own way of handling their very own emotional vampires. Learning about them is just the first step.

[Yodamom · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am surrounded by them, they suck the energy right out of my day and I am left feeling drained and exhausted from exchanges with them. �Haven't you ever spent time with someone that left you feeling empty ? They are Vampires, emotional vampires. I know they are real and they are not afraid of the light.�
This books shows you ways to spot them and how to deal with their energy draining ways. It is light, funny and yet very serious. It amazed my that many vampiric types have serious mental disorders. Many easy to read patterns.�The Antisocial vampire, the histrionic vampire, narcissistic vampire, obsessive compulsive vampire, and my personal favorite the paranoid vampire. Yes, they do mix it up and combine life draining ways to mess with you. Don't worry there is a lot of help offered here for you. You can deal with them without getting turned yourself.
What if you find that you are an emotional vampire �? �Oh no, don't get squeamish now. There are cures for that, you will be able to walk in the sun. �Your eyes will be opened and you can recover you humanity. Yes, readers I found some flaws in myself that need some work. I will file those fangs down in the future.
I loved this book, LOVED IT. It was the best book I've read in years on dealing with difficult people. It was so entertaining and light hearted, and even had me laughing many times. I wish I had read this years ago the knowledge here is fabulous.

[Janice · Rating 2 out of 5]

I need a status level of "Incompleted". I didn't finish this book - not something I say often, but I didn't find much of great insight or revelation forming quality here... might just be me or the attitude I took to the book though. I just couldn't get into it even though I could see the info was okay.

[Jennifer Grace · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Antisocials and all the other emotional vampires communicate differently than normal people. For most of us, communication is a way of conveying what we think, how we feel, or the specifics of a situation. When emotional vampires communicate, everything they say is directed toward achieving an effect in the person who is listening. The truth, as we understand it, is almost irrelevant.”

We all know the type, the people in our lives who seem to suck us dry—whether it be constant cries for attention, making mountains out of molehills, or demands to follow rigid structures, vampires treat us as if we’re their next meal. Unfortunately, they seem to be in situations we can’t easily escape—family obligations, work, neighbors, etc. So, what’s an innocent to do against these soul-sucking children of the night? Garlic-up!

In Emotional Vampires at Work, Dr. Albert J. Bernstein describes five personality disorders that create unhealthy, immature, and difficult vampires: antisocials (think unscrupulous sales people), narcissists (the legends-in-their-own-mind who have a constant need of reinforcement), obsessive-compulsives (bureaucratic, workaholic rule creators), histrionics (dramatics who are still living in high school), and paranoids (black-and-white, all-or-nothing manipulators). He stresses the immaturity of these types of individuals—it does help to think of them as children—and how important it is to step out of their tantrums, to think slowly and clearly in order to make the right decision. This is especially critical when your job is on the line.

The book is structured with checklists to recognize you’re dealing with a vampire (you’ll often describe them in superlatives) and identify the type, insights into the nature of the disorder, tools for working with the vampires (whether they report to you or you to them), and descriptions of workplace cultures where vampires rule. The information is so well presented that it’s tempting to become an armchair psychologist—diagnosing and helping others, but Bernstein stresses that would be a mistake. Vampires do not think in the same way as others, and they are not asking for your help. The purpose of the book is to minimize stress in dealing with them and avoid becoming a vampire yourself, especially if you work in a nest of them.

Bernstein takes what could be dry clinical text and makes it engaging, informative, and practical. I highly recommend this book.

[Eleanor Cowan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Personality-disordered people are not ignorant dummies - far from it. They're super-slick users and the more you know, the more likely you'll respond effectively to your body's inner warning signals that you are being manipulated.

This book details user-ploys for you in such a way that you'll never disbelieve yourself again!

Eleanor Cowan, author of : A History of a Pedophile's Wife: Memoir of a Canadian Teacher and Writer

[Tamara Cobacoglo · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first read this book years ago and loved it. I picked it up again because I had to remember the strategies for dealing with a passive aggressive (why can't they just be straight up)?
It's not just a good pointing the finger at every one around you and working out their issues game, but also a fun and insightful tool to become aware of your own demons and what to do with them.
You will find yourself chuckling at times and at other times find hairs standing on end because of it's accuracy.
Thank you Albert J. Bernstein - helps me understand others and myself!

[Bertan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read many books and articles about dealing with difficult people however this one was the best so far. It categorizes people so accurately and effectively, you recognize them right away. However the best portion of the book is the tips in dealing with those people.

[Matthew Hodge · Rating 3 out of 5]

While the book was useful in understanding some of the more extreme personalities we can all encounter from time to time, on the whole the humorous tone of the whole thing didn't quite seem to capture how difficult it can be if you're caught interacting with people like that.

Maybe that's the point and we're not supposed to take things so seriously but the title of the book is 'emotional vampires', right?

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Full disclosure: I read this at work solely because I was extremely limited on what I was allowed to do during downtime and it sounded better than sitting through yet another irrelevant training course. I'm glad I did, though, because I found it quite engaging and learned some things about myself and my coworkers. The only downside was the subtle air of sexism throughout the book, which left me rolling my eyes more than once, but overall I found the book informative and helpful.

[Mikhaela · Rating 1 out of 5]

Picked this up because I have been watching the What We Do in the Shadows TV series which features literal emotional vampires... but this book feels like reading a horoscope. Pass.

[Frances · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read the 2nd edition. Interesting stuff but I think most of us can identity these tendencies in ourselves so we all can use some help growing up.

[Lourdes Matzer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting for mental health.

[Bee]

I decided not to finish because all the types of ‘emotional vampires’ are named after mental illnesses, and I didn’t want to go through with something that seeks to make me a more biased person.

[Andrea Ika · Rating 5 out of 5]

Review: Emotional Vampires at Work

Albert Bernstein

Source : i received this book as a digital ARC from Net Galley and this brief review is my opinion only.
Format : kindle edition
Rating :



Blurb
Contrary to what Bram Stoker wrote, the undead
walk the streets during broad daylight. They show up in the morning to roam your office hallways, driven by the
insatiable need of making you just one more slave to the undead
If you have ever found yourself face-to-face
with an employee, boss, or consultant who turned out to be a bloodsucker, EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES AT WORK (McGraw-Hill
Professional; May, 2013; Paperback, $18.00) is the antidote. Clinical psychologist Dr. Albert Bernstein
pinpoints how to identify and categorize the Vampire. He then teaches you to be on the alert for
attack signs, how to modify your behavior, step out of your own patterns
(vampires can often get confused by the unexpected), and protect yourself from
further attempts on your well-being.


If you’re especially vulnerable to Vampires,
this will help you identify your own identity type so you don’t get blindsided.






When vampires get promoted to positions of
power, they remake organizations in their own image. To survive, everyone has to act like they do. Soon the entire
culture begins to resemble a castle in Transylvania.




Learn the fifteen warning signs that tell you
to get out before sunset, and the five Classic Vampire types:






·
Antisocials, who crave excitement in all its forms, sex,
drugs, rock ‘n’roll, larceny, and gambling with other people’s money.


·
Histrionics, who believe that what it looks like is more
important than what it is.


·
Narcissists, who believe that the universe revolves around
them.


·
Obsessive-Compulsives, who can’t
seem to see the forest because of the excessive number of trees.


·
Paranoids, who think they’ve found the simple truths
that explain everything.






Thoroughly revised and updated in response to
thousands of calls and emails Dr Bernstein has received about the book, EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES aims to help you
cope effectively with the people in life that confound, confuse and sap every ounce of energy.

My thought
This book is right,
I am surrounded by them, they suck the energy right out of my day and I am left feeling drained and exhausted from exchanges with them.
Haven't you ever spent time with someone that left you feeling empty ? They are Vampires, emotional vampires. I know they are real and they are not afraid of the light.
Author Albert Bernstein writes clearly with both compassion and humor. Not only does he describe the troublesome personalities that one finds at the workplace, but he offers do-able advice on how to approach working with these emotional vampires. Never react quickly. Slow your thinking before responding. It might take a little practice, but his suggestions are good ones
It was the best book I've read in years on dealing with difficult people. It was so entertaining and light hearted, and even had me laughing many times.

[R.Z. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an updated edition of an earlier work, and well worth reading for anyone who has problem co-workers or bosses. Author Albert Bernstein writes clearly with both compassion and humor. Not only does he describe the troublesome personalities that one finds at the workplace, but he offers do-able advice on how to approach working with these emotional vampires. Never react quickly. Slow your thinking before responding. It might take a little practice, but his suggestions are good ones. He shows us how to get along with the obsessive-compulsives, the antisocials, the histrionics,the narcissists, and the paranoids. Bernstein is a smart guy! You'll learn a great deal from his book.

[Anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh my goodness. This book described-to-a-T several people I know and provided great insight on why I feel the way I do after interactions. If you want to know more about interpersonal struggles with coworkers, this is a good read. It doesn't excuse, or make problems goes away, but just provides possible reasons why things are the way they are. SO GOOD.

[Neni Marlina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not as a confirmation that I am having difficult time at works, who is not:)
This book was a sudden grab I did in 2013 as I had to purchase some certain amount to get next sale voucher. It turned to be a book I carried everywhere for almost 6 months, as I found some article there made me easy to mind map my working place.

Try the 'who are you?' chapter

[Jacqueline · Rating 5 out of 5]

Informative, quick to read with personal stories that provide good examples of how to handle those co-workers who drain you dry. Bernstein writes a self help book that doesn't read like one.

*I received this book as a digital ARC from Net Galley and this brief review is my opinion only.*

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was helpful for working with difficult co-workers but not enough was mentioned about dealing with your boss or direct supervisor.

[Sue Francisco · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was an excellent book that everyone should read (preferably before entering the workforce)!

[Heather]

Recommended by Ron Meadows

[Carolyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will read this book over many times it has helped do much there are no words to express how it has helped

[Mina Pejović · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sjajna psihologija sa dosta praktičnih saveta kako se ponašati u okruženju različitih vrsta emocionalnih vampira. Zanimljivo štivo.

[Maja Z · Rating 2 out of 5]

Still thinking what tobthink about it.