The Myth of the Perfect Girl: Helping Our Daughters Find Authentic Success and Happiness in School and Life

by Ana Homayoun

New insights and practical solutions for overworked and stressed-out girls and their parents. In today's achievement culture, many girls seem to be doing remarkably well—excelling in honors and sports and attending top colleges in ever greater numbers—but beneath the surface, girls are stressed out and stretched too thin as they strive to be “perfect.” In their efforts to juggle schoolwork and extracurriculars, family life and social lives, friends and frenemies, as well as relationships online and IRL (in the real world), many girls begin to lose sight of who they really are, and instead work overtime to please their friends, parents, teachers, and others.With honesty, empathy, and a fresh perspective, The Myth of the Perfect Girl presents advice to empower both parents and girls themselves to discover what true success and happiness means to them — and how to work to achieve it.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Feminism, Education, Self Help

302 pages, Kindle Edition

First published December 31, 2012

About the author

Ana Homayoun is an academic advisor and early career development expert working at the intersection of executive functioning skills, technology and personal energy management.

Her newest book, ERASING THE FINISH LINE: The New Blueprint for Student Success Beyond Grades and College Admissions, offers a groundbreaking new way of thinking about education, for parents, teachers, administrators and policymakers deeply invested in our children’s emotional development and well-being.

She is the founder of San Francisco Bay Area based Green Ivy Educational Consulting and the author of three previous books: That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week, The Myth of the Perfect Girl and Social Media Wellness. She is also the founder and executive director of Luminaria Learning Solutions, a non-profit developing the Life Navigator School Advisory Program to provide students the executive functioning and social emotional skills for long-term success and well-being.

To learn more about her work, visit www.anahomayoun.com.

Reviews

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

This witty, compassionate and informed book focuses on how to help young girls and women become satisfied with themselves and their own endeavors. I was often moved by the anecdotes of what adolescents are going through now (I.e. "am I pretty" YouTube videos), and frequently prompted to reflect on my own experiences as a girl and younger woman eking out my own goals and values. A wildly helpful book both for parents and educators, girls and women would do well to read this as well. Even if the concrete strategies for homework help and how to find rewarding hobbies aren't for you (I'm beyond homework and already know what I enjoy for fun), the methods Ana teaches are worth learning for future reference with friends and future offspring of all ages.

[Betsy Hover · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was absolutely delighted to receive this book from Goodreads Giveaway!

I wish that this book had been around 15yrs ago, when my daughter was a teenage/young adult. I simply could have used these great techniques and advise at that time.

I would highly recommend this book for any parent as a "Must Read".

[Maggiekb · Rating 3 out of 5]

Started out strong, then became repetitive and too obvious and far from the initial premise. Less on organizational strategies (yay, binders!) and more on how to identify and help overextended girls would be better. Or just cut 75 pages — it might be more useful that way.

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

I lost interest halfway through. It has lots of good information, but the organizational stuff I've read so.many.times already that I don't see the point, personally.

[Audrey Monke · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ana Homayoun KNOWS girls. She's worked with thousands of them as she counsels them to find their purpose and create a path towards college and beyond where they are able to spend time doing the things that energize them rather than what everyone else is doing. The "perfect girl myth" is real. It boxes girls in and makes it hard for them to distinguish between what they really enjoy and what others (parents, peers, teachers, coaches) want them to do. Being so relational, they can't help but care deeply about what others think of them. If you want to help guide your daughter toward a fulfilling, happy life, pick up a copy of The Myth of the Perfect Girl.

[Ida · Rating 4 out of 5]

we need to read as many books about this as come out until this stupid culture changes. we are we asking perfection from our girls, super annoying since i see girls treat other girls horribly all of the time. unrealistic expectations based on male fantasy has made all little girls the victims of a society that expects them to be everything with no pay.

[Shauna Tharp · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great resource about today's girl. While I've seen it as recommended reading for teen girls themselves, it is overwhelmingly aimed at the adults in their lives. There are great suggestions, both small and large, that would work well for girls (and many boys).

[Alisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

It should be required reading when parents bring home a new baby - boy or girl.

[Tiffany · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pertinent advise for today's world. Lots of specific techniques for time management that I will refer back to if needed.

[Alli Morrow · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great food for thought as I go into a new school year working with a new age group (middle school 😱)

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good book. I love the exercises in each of the chapters. I’m excited to do them with my girls. Lots of good information in the book and good ideas of how to implement change.

[Leonie]

Herinnering aan mezelf dat het leven te kort is om middelmatige boeken te lezen. Plus opnieuw dankbaar dat ik niet in de VS ben opgegroeid.

[Rania Rasheed · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the greatest and most useful books I have ever read. Its simple and practical way and tips helps parents to reflect on the way they deal with their preteen and teenagers. Loved it and recommend it to everyone raising a young lady.

[Amy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Really a 2.5. I think I was hoping for more strategies on how to head off teen perfectionist tendencies, but the book is filled with what to do after there is a problem. The exercises are good and advice to parents often hit the mark. Some of the solutions seemed to me to sounded like more for girls to have to do and could cause more stress. In the end Homayoun wants girls to find things that motivate them and give them the right balance in their lives, but it was clear that she was just as trapped in the over scheduled, over perfectionist world we have created. I would also liked to hear her expert opinion on what is healthy and balanced for junior high and high school girls and what are the signs that things are going well.

[Kari · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars, but only because my daughter is now 6 and not quite ready for most of the exercises in the book. Good content though and it was a nice reality check for me to stop and think about how far I have or haven't come in dealing with some of those same issues, even into adulthood. Recommended for those with tween and teen-age daughters!

[Amy Scheck · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing! I'm lucky enough to have seen Ana speak several times, and the book mirrors the strategies she discusses in person for working with girls. Not only would this be a great read for parents and teachers, it has helped me to change some of my own thinking and ways to promote my own well-being.

[Catherine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great practical strategies for helping girls step back, relax, and grow up in a less stressful environment. It's hard to buck the trend of running our kids ragged in pursuit of someone else's idea of success, but imperative we try!

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good how - to manual to use when girls are dealing with middle school and high school pressures from both school and social issues. Contains exercises and narratives to help coach their common situations.

[Gina]

I lost interest. The subject is interesting but the book seemed to be getting buried in detail and repetition

[Leah Adamowicz · Rating 3 out of 5]

Will have to reread when my girls are tween/teens and friends are a bigger deal in their lives.

[Stephen · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for parents of teen girls today.

[Kristen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Basic information and helpful exercises for helping girls manage heavy loads.

[Sylvia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book, some great advice having two teenage ladies in my home.

[Melissa Ooten · Rating 3 out of 5]

A sort of typical girl studies book aimed at financially well-off folks with anxiety-ridden kids.

[Dana · Rating 3 out of 5]

Based on more than purely anecdotal evidence. Good for parents of tween and adolescent girls.