Are You Happy?: A Childhood Remembered

by Emily Fox Gordon

Recounts the author's 1950s childhood and how it was marked by her mother's alcoholic depression, her own struggles with weight and poor academic performance, and lone rambles through a succession of indoor and outdoor landscapes, in a personal memoir in which the author explains how happiness can be recaptured through telling the story of its loss. 30,000 first printing.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction

256 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2006

About the author

Emily Fox Gordon has published two memoirs, a collection of personal essays, and a novel. She has received two Pushcart Prizes, a Guggenheim fellowship, and a 2019 Sidney Award. She is a member of the MFA faculty at Queens University of Charlotte in North Carolina and lives in Houston, Texas, with her husband, philosopher George Sher.

Reviews

[Aria · Rating 1 out of 5]

Dnf p. 71. There are only 244 pages to this thing, yet still nothing has happened.

This is some privileged white lady trying really hard to pretend like her childhood was errant & traumatic. Nope.

The worst of what was on offer: At some point before pubescence her mom started drinking more than socially (which was incredibly common for the era), & the author put on more weight than was acceptable. This latter bit resulted in some taunting. Again, this is a thing so common as to be pedestrian, in so far as memoirs go.

By p. 71, my point of departure w/ this thing, the weight issue & mom drinking are only alluded to, although she does mention that her mom's final years, when the author is an admittedly happy adult, involved heavier drinking. Rather, instead of substance we get a lot of musings about fuckall. Things like how she & her brother wandered around freely with their dog in the green grass of the neighborhood, & even straight through the college library, on a regular basis. She just has to mention the librarian was a lesbian, although that character has nothing what so ever to do with then story, & is only mentioned in passing. (I mean that literally they are passing through the library. The librarian glances at the children, & they at her. So of course this is a quite necessary time to bring up sexual preferences of a stranger.) While still a child in elementary, the author claims to know this about the librarian by the way she dresses- slacks & a white button down shirt. Mkay, sure.

Not titillating enough? There's more. Later we hear about an elderly janitor that would brush off the soles of the kids shoes, one by one, before they entered the schoolhouse each day. Before doing so he would ask each if they were happy. The author presents this as proof that the janitor hated children & was expressing his contempt for them. Obviously this must be true because he has a cloudy cataract over one eye. Then, while of a young elementary age, she states how happy she was that she wasn't one of the older kids starting puberty while he asked this of them, as if this makes any sense running through the mind of a young child. Here is the passage: "When pubescent sixth-grade girls bristled with defiance at the insolent familiarity of his touch, I thanked my lucky stars that I was still flat-chested and square-waisted." I call bullshit. Not only would these thoughts be ridiculous in any young elementary school kids head, girls that age would have been well-trained by that time to be compliant with the ministrations of elders, & a daily morning ritual would have been no place for resistance. Docility was the rule, particularly for females. If defiance were to be manifested, it's more believable that the more unruly older males might have been the source of any misbehavior, but that goes across the board for the males of that age group (for the era). (Kids now come in trouble at all ages & genders, thus my era-specific designation.) It reads as a ridiculous attempt to insert some ill where there is none. These privileged kids have the very soles of their shoes cleaned each morning before stepping foot into their clean school. This is done not by themselves, but by an older man who, every single time he is bent before them, takes the time to ask every single child if they are happy. Oh, the trauma.

There is nothing here. It is naught but manufactured ill. The rest of the space was taken up w/
mundane & average childhood events. Getting the wind knocked out you. Learning to defend oneself. The discovery of differences in genitalia. None of these things were accompanied by engaging or amusing anecdotes, or even any kind of lesson, growth, or dawning of understanding, & thus were unremarkable....not that it prevented the author from from trying to tell everyone anyway. The author mentions that every therapist (how many have you gone through, lady?) who has tried to present some idea or summation about what might have been going on in her childhood has failed to offer her something that fits the pre-defined ideas she has formulated for herself about this period of her life. Well, darlin', it sounds like you are looking for confirmation of your bias, & not for assistance in helping to accept the reality of a situation, like therapy is supposed to do. So, what's the point in even going? Good luck with that, I guess.

Obviously, as far as this book goes, I have to say, "Skip it." Even if she managed to include some kind of interesting event further into the book, there's no way it's worth reading through all the preceding blandness to get there.

[Kirsten · Rating 1 out of 5]

Except for the Williamstown connection, this was just lost on me. A memoir about a bunch of unlikeable people..... even the narrator is unappealing. I skimmed the second half.

[Rebecca Hamilton]

Couldn't get through it - I tried! More of a chronological account than an interesting story.

[Kathleen · Rating 4 out of 5]

An absolute winner! In a self depricating way, Emily captures the awkwardness of those years, when a child simply does not know how to act but tries so hard to do the right thing, and look polished and in-the-know. She was raised by academic parents who were cheapskates and ridiculed her. I especially could identify with the chapter on her mother sewed all her clothes, then ripped out the seams when Emily tried her hand at it. The pubescent sexual experimentation felt very familiar. There was always that boy that you wanted who was too cool for yuo. An excellent memoir, and not too long. Emily is worth reading. I'll be sure to read anything else she writes.

[miteypen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although this book isn't really about anything earth-shattering, it held my attention all the way through. The author is skilled at evoking childhood memories and if you're about her age, you would enjoy all the references to popular songs, etc.

I couldn't decide if the main character (the author) was mentally healthy. She alludes to her future when she spends years in a mental institution and there are points when I began to wonder about her. But for the most part, she just seems to be a normal kid trying to deal with being unpopular and misunderstood. She obviously is very bright and I couldn't help but wonder if her parents just didn't appreciate her for who she was.

One thing that struck me was her complete lack of bitterness and resentment. She observes; she doesn't really analyze or assign blame. I found that refreshing in a memoir.

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Are You Happy?, is a memoir of childhood, told in an almost objective manner, only in the way one could tell of childhood after having lived through it. I love how Gordon captured the mix of the oblivious awkwardness, and yet budding awareness one has as a child trying to grow up and make sense of themselves in a larger context that doesn't always fit. The quality with which Gordon tells the story is both refreshing, and heart wrenching, neither embellishing, nor protecting the reader from the obvious pains of complicated growing.

[Diana Higgins · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wanted to read this author's Mockingbird Years but this one was available on Bookmooch so I'm starting here.

(After I was halfway through with this, I organized my books and found that I HAD Mockingbird Years! Oops. But I was glad to have read this one.)

This is really a well-written memoir. It's quiet, not at all drama- or angst-filled. Just a reflection on childhood. A nice read.

[Janice]

Another of the author's titles (Book of days) was mentioned in the Boston Globe 8/25/10

[Maureen Stanton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Liked "Mockingbird Years" better, but EFG is a wonderful writer.