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10 pages, Audiobook
First published April 11, 2013
*Long descriptions of the setting.
*Descriptions of historical settings.
*Repeating the exact same scene within the same chapter, but from a different character's viewpoint. We promise that it won't be tedious.
*A spunky heroine who is forcefully confined to being spunky. DO NOT ALLOW HER TO DEVELOP DEPTH. Keep it nice and shallow.
*An everyman (or everyboy, in this case) who is always correct and utterly bland.
*Did we mention that teens LOVE it when you describe houses? Do more of that.
*An end boss who is horrifically violent and yet surprisingly nonthreatening. Make sure to spend lots of time from his point of view to take away any of the mystery or threat.
*Limit clever dialogue - one or two moments of witty banter should be enough for the entire book.
*MORE DESCRIPTIONS. Of magic or science or how London used to smell bad and have bad coffee. As you can see from this list, no point is made unless it is repeated ad nauseam.