"Daisuki."

Ren'Ai Rensai #1

by Hildred Billings

Aiko and Reina have been together for almost 20 years, yet one thing remains unsaid between them: "Daisuki," or, "I love you." As they approach their anniversary, their relationship comes to an impasse as Aiko the Japanese housewife begins demanding "I love you" with a side of marriage and romance.

But Reina doesn't understand complex concepts like "love" or other heavy emotions. She's spent years supporting her girlfriend via a soul-sucking salary job and tending to their mutual needs in the bedroom. Isn't that sufficient? In a culture demanding Reina choose between the "feminine" and the "masculine" worlds, it's bad enough she's trying to find her role without Aiko adding extra pressure.

Some words need not saying, but "I love you" is about to destroy a relationship already surviving strange side-lovers and even stranger exploits.

Genres: Romance, Lesbian, LGBT, Erotica, Japan, Adult, Contemporary

170 pages, Paperback

First published September 24, 2012

About the author

Hildred Billings is a Japanese and Religious Studies graduate who has spent her entire life knowing she would write for a living someday. She has lived in Japan multiple times in multiple locations, from the heights of the Japanese alps to the hectic Tokyo suburbs, with a life in Shikoku somewhere in there too.

Currently, Hildred lives in Oregon with her partner and two cats. When she's not commandeering the corner of the neighborhood coffee shop on hours on end (it's okay, she's on a first-name basis with the baristas) she's probably parked on the couch watching Bob's Burgers or screaming at a Zelda game. (Seriously, Link, why don't you move right?)

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Reviews

[Jhosy · Rating 5 out of 5]

*sorry for any grammatical error*

This is one of the best surprises I've had lately when choosing a new book.
A solid 5 star and if I could I would give much more.
I started to read this story today and finished the same day, I couldn't stop reading even when my eyes were already a bit glazed (reading on my cell phone is ending my eyesight)

Anyway...!

First let me say that this summary and the book's publicity as "an erotic lesbian story" does not encompass all the greatness of the story.

When I got this story I thought this would be a common and erotic reading to pass the time but I was incredibly surprised.

The story is much more complex than the cover and the summary makes it seem.

Aiko and Reina are a couple who have been together for more than 19 years living in Japan. Their relationship is very open and while Aiko has no other relationships besides Reina (in the beginning), Reina has several other women (usually one night stand).

Although the relationship between them appears perfect for other eyes, within their lives the thing is not quite like that.

Aiko struggles with the lack of romanticism and sentimentality of Reina who, despite more than 19 years along with her, never uttered a "I love you" to her. In addition, she has difficulty letting go of her dream of being a wife or marriage, as well as children. Add these concerns to the insecurities about Reina and the relationship with her best friend Michiko ... Well ...

And then we have the most complicated person in the equation that is Reina.

Reina doesn't know who she is anymore. For a long time she had thought she was a lesbian butch, a tomboy ... or something like that. But over time these labels no longer seem to summarize who she is or should be.

Along with this confusion, Reina also faces all the discrimination of her work colleagues and Aiko's family.

The author describes very well the whole anguish of the character and shows us how a female homosexual relationship is seen in Japan, how society imposes these labels and what this knowledge and burden makes to a person's psychological and emotional.

So we have Reina struggling to become a husband, a provider of the family and at the same time being reminded that she is a woman and not understanding how she should feel about it. Does she feel like a woman? Does she feel like a man because of what society and apparently her partner wants?

Anyway .. A great work of the author and I hope to read much more of her works.

The story does have its moments of smut, many actually but I don't think it should be so categorized as an erotic story, for there is much more depth about it (at least in amazon it is being sold that way).

[Tina · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had this book sitting on my "to read" shelf for a while so I hungrily sat down to read it.

I'm not sure if I missed something along the way as all the reviews are fairly positive... but this book just doesn't do it for me.

I felt like I'm reading cheap sex between two people - one who is just completely obedient (Aiko) to Reina who is selfish, uncaring and has a sex drive of a teenage boy. Don't forget these people are in their 40s! Aiko completely let's Reina step all over her . I understand social and cultural norms. Gender identification, male vs female in an Asian culture - I am Asian.
... SPOILER ALERT





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Reina sleeps with other people and makes Aiko watch.
Ok, I'm sorry but this is just so cringe-worthy! Am I reading a cheap porn for teenage boys?
The number of times I had to put this book down and say to myself "what the hell am I reading?" was probably more times then I had held the book up reading it.

Yes, I am not into polygamy and I just don't understand it. So maybe that bit (it's a major bit in the story by the way) of the story completely ruined the love story for me. They slept more with other people than each other. Real life tip: girls if you have relationship problems with your girlfriend don't go sleeping around with other people. It doesn't solve anything. Lesbian bed death? Work it out between each other!

In actual fact I do not feel the characters emotions at all. On the contrary, I hope I never meet these characters in real life!

And Reina is great in bed. Wow-y so she sleeps with the whole neighborhood. Aiko, grow a backbone and dump her already!! No Aiko decides to sleep with another person too. Because that solves all problems. Argument between the couple? Let's sleep with the best friend.
Headache? Let's sleep with the neighbours.
Stove broke? Let's sleep with the random stranger at the bar.
Come on girls! This is so not a real relationship. If it is, it should have headed for disaster 15 years ago, let alone ride out this relationship to 19 years!!


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Ok. That's it. If you want to read it still, go ahead.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been wanting to read Daisuki for quite a while now. I kept putting it off because I went through a spell of trying to only read wholesome and/or religious books. I'm Mormon, an adult convert, trying to do things "by The Book", but that hasn't worked out so well for me. I still love The Church, but I also still love reading a naughty book every once in a while, too. In fact, I've decided to try and read more. Not out of some sort of rebellion, it's just what I'm in the mood for lately, no pun intended.

Anyways, Daisuki is the first book I can recall reading where the main characters are lesbians. I've seen movies that focus on lesbian couples and have always enjoyed them, so why not books too? I love reading about the dynamics of female friendships, relationships take it to a whole other level. This was a very interesting read for me. I loved this book. Both main characters, Reina and Aiko, I just loved them. I wish I knew them in real life. I wish they'd turn this book into a movie. Not a porn, but a movie.

This book offered way more than sex. I think the term used on Amazon "erotic romance" describes it better than erotica. Erotica- to me- suggests there's maybe not much romance and the point of the reader reading the book is for the sex. This book was so beyond that. It certainly had romance. It had heart. It was sweet and tender and sometimes very serious. I learned a lot about Japanese society and it's view of gays and lesbians and Japan's perception of female stereotypes and our roles in the workplace and home. Gender identity and gender roles play a big part in Daisuki. Here's an excerpt from the book:
"Maybe, after so many years of societal pressure and conditioning, Reina lost touch with her own identity. Is that sort of thing even possible? She worked, she wore business suits, she smoked and drank beer at dinner, and she loved nothing more than brandishing a fake phallus and dominating feminine women. But she didn't used to define herself by those things. When did everything change?"
Reina towards the end of the book definitely has an identity crisis. I just really felt for Reina, even though I have not had the same identity crisis as Reina, I think everyone can relate in some way to trying to fit themselves in the perfect mold of what they should be according to societal norms. There's always that cliche of how one should act or what they should like. Look, I'm having my own mini-identity crisis right now. I am Mormon and reviewing a freaking book that's not only erotic, but lesbian.

Another thing this book explores are difficulties in relationships. Aiko and Reina have a few things that cause stress in their relationship. One would be Reina's lack of verbally relating to Aiko that she loves her. Aiko would also like to- at least- symbolically get married. However, Reina doesn't feel exactly the same. We later find out that has more to do with Reina personally and less to do with how she feels about Aiko. To add even more confusion to their relationship, both Reina and Aiko have side-lovers that they see and will sometimes bring women into their bed to enjoy together. Another stress factor is that neither of their families accept their relationship- nor take them seriously as a couple- even though they've been living together for almost 20 years.

Like I said, I loved this book. As soon as I was done reading it, I bought the next one Hatsukoi. I am giving Daisuki 5 out of 5 stars. I have a feeling this is going to become one of my favorite series. I would recommend this book to anyone. It had everything I enjoy in a book. It was based in a foreign country, it explored feminist topics and gender roles, I learned stuff, and it was romantic, sweet, and fun.

The Book Babe: After Dark

[Jaylee · Rating 4 out of 5]

DNF'ed. This is porn. I bought it in a frenzy of "OMG F/F BOOKS EXIST" when I first accepted I was bisexual, but (as I would later discover) I am also demisexual, and people banging every few pages is just... not interesting to me at all. It's also sort of poorly translated (or just the writer's first language is not English) and some phrases really don't work. It's jarring to be in the middle of a sexy scene and suddenly they're using the words "sexual intercourse" like. Idk. it's bizarre.

[Dannica · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hm, an earlier Billings novel than others I've read. I've wanted to try out this series for a while, but I feel like I should have tried it when I was still feeling really enthusiastic about Billings. Now, my reaction is kind of lukewarm.

Things I Liked
-There's an established relationship at the heart of the story and it's more about developments in that relationship, not so much about two ppl falling in love. Not a typical romance. (Apparently the next book in the series is a prequel that shows how they got together--the series is not entirely in chronological order.)

-I really like Reina. She reminds me of the first Billings character I really liked, Adrienne, in that she can be insensitive but she does love her girlfriend, she likes being in charge, and she's conflicted by societal standards for her as a woman versus her desire to be possibly more masculine.

-On that note, Reina has some gender dysphoria, and at the end of the novel she might be seeking out therapy. Aiko says she'll stay with Reina and still love her even if she transitions. I liked that this f/f novel acknowledges the possibility of a character being trans, though it does not seem likely that Reina is going to transition in future novels, just judging off her current feelings.

-I doubt Billings is going to go this direction, but I wonder if Reina could be nonbinary.

Things I Didn't Like So Much
-The inclusion of an incident of sexual assault, largely to break Reina down and add angst to the story. It just... was a lot. I can't say a book partly about the difficulties of being a lesbian shouldn't include sexual assault, but it kind of blindsided me.

-Just so much sex. Sometimes I forget how much sex Billings' novels include and it's a lot. I generally don't find her sex scenes (or most sex scenes) that interesting, so the sheer number of them means that I end up skipping a lot of pages.

-The quiet biphobic aside about how Reina slept with a lot of girls in high school but they all grew up and married men, something which disturbs Aiko because of course it does. I do kind of get it; I have crushes that got with men too, and it's sad. But stuff like this comes up so often, and it gets kind of tiring.

-Reina felt fully developed, but the other characters largely felt kind of flat. Aiko's like halfway there, but I still just didn't care about her that much.

So yeah. I bought the boxset of this series a little while back (the ebook version, it was on sale) so I will probably continue it. Idk if I'll read the whole thing or not. We'll see.

[Crystal (VanillaHearts62) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wasn't sure what to expect with this book, but I am very pleased that I read it and will be reading more of the series. On the surface, it is a book about hot sex between two Japanese lesbians. If you dig a bit deeper, then you will find it is also a book about Eastern vs Western cultural norms, relationship status differences, societal expectations, family shame and honor, and many LGBT issues including sexual privacy, gender identity, and marginalization.

The two main characters, Reina and Aiko, felt like real people to me. I was especially drawn to Reina - she considers herself to be more masculine than Aiko, works in a company filled with (perverted) men, and she reminded me of myself and some of my close friends. She has an insane sex drive (as does Aiko), but also engages in poly* activities. I liked that we saw some poly* in the book, but a part of me fears that someone new to LGBT literature might confuse lesbianism with poly*ism. At the end of the day, all characters that engaged in sex felt like real people with real issue and needs, but with a playful side too.

This is a book in the erotica genre and there are lots of opportunities for sex. These scenes can be read for pleasure, but they also add to the sub-plots in the story. If you dig a little deeper, you can see the seeds of foreshadowing for major themes later in the book. Obviously, this book is recommended for adults due to the mature content.

The writing was quite good. A couple of times near the beginning I came across some odd word choices (i.e. fornication, gyrating) that I felt didn't fit the mood for the passage. However, there were some beautiful passages and the ending was absolutely fantastic. These characters really grow on you, and the writing just adds another dimension that can't be ignored. Our characters are Japanese, and so some Japanese phrases are included in the writing. They are added in a way that the reader can easily catch on to what is being said and even adds a bit of a cultural air and realism to the dialogue.

As this is a romance novel the plot was predictable to some extent. Despite this, there were a couple of sub-plots that contributed to the overall story arc and really made this book unique. There are quite a few things to consider once you finish reading the book. Yes, the story takes place in Japan but the issues there are similar to the issues here and I think most people can relate to someone in this book.

[Fernanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ok this is the 1st book on the series and I have found it interesting...the relationship between Reina and Aiko is a little disconcerting at the beginning because Aiko need a confirmation of her love relationship with her partner of 19 years but is more than willing to jump into bed with another woman...well not a thing that have helped me to take Aiko feelings seriously from the start.

The setting in really good and the story is well written and made more sense more and more that you read it.

Reina is a woman at odds with her feelings (because she refused any feminine sentiment, so the I love you of the title is a sort of unimaginable think to say for her)...and her appearance (she live in a culture where she have to play 24/7 the part of the husband and the man of the family).

The couple reach the breaking point when Aiko ask to her partner to be married...from this point on we see how the couple need to found a new way to stay together.

This 1st book is interesting also if some things are for me not well developed and some thing are almost impossible to understand about the couple dynamics if you don't go on to read the series.

Probably i would have delete some sex scene between the protagonists and other female conquest LOL but knowing how goes on the story I can now tell you that I understand that the author was in need to portrait this kind of picture to make the all series solid.

[Lindsay · Rating 5 out of 5]

Though "Daisuki." isn't something I would typically read nor do I consider myself a member of the target audience (I had the pleasure of serving as the book's editor), it was an enjoyable read nonetheless. In fact, maybe because of these things, getting out of one's comfort zone and whatnot, it was thoroughly refreshing and a gripping piece of work.

Aiko and Reina are certainly not your typical couple, but at the same time, their happinesses and struggles *are* somehow quite typical. The minutiae of "Daisuki." is touching, and speaks to real, lived human experiences. Their story is moving, to say the least, and the structure of the novel lends itself to something of an emotional rollercoaster experience, depending on the active point-of-view at the time.

It's so nice to see a queer couple that transcends pure caricature and/or sexual objectification, and especially a lesbian couple at that. For a book that pulls no punches during sex scenes, the characters exist beyond their sexual exploits, and have personalities outside of the bedroom. "Daisuki." is certainly not PWP.

[Ana Maria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Es muy bueno

[Ana Maria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Aiko and Reina have been together for almost 20 years, yet one thing remains unsaid between them: "Daisuki," or, "I love you."

[Moya · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a disclaimer, I consider Hildred one of my good friends and hold her in fairly high esteem. However, I'll try my best to set that aside for this review.

I've never been able to read through an entire romance novel, but I not only finished Daisuki in one day, I also thoroughly enjoyed it. The characters felt three dimensional--flawed but loveable and believable. So few books follow through on what happens after a couple gets together; fewer still feature couples nearing their twentieth anniversary. The loving dynamic between the main couple positively shines. They may not always communicate well, and neither one is perfect, but I truly felt a bedrock of solid affection in the way they regarded one another.

Open relationships never seem to appear in fiction--certainly not long-term, committed, and realistic interpretations of them, at least. I found the details of their arrangement intriguing and plausible; as I previously said, I also strongly felt their overpowering love for one another, even when they faced challenges. They fit well together, and I loved it.

All in all, I would recommend this book to anyone even considering it. If you like romance, this book has a solid, romantic core. I'm a sap, and certain parts left me beaming. If romance isn't your thing, but you like complex character interactions, the book has those, as well. Heck, if you like extensively researched background details, Hildred takes care of those, too. She pours a lot of effort into this book, and the results glow.

As I said, I may be biased. But I found the book engaging and meaningful, and I don't doubt that others will, as well. I have every confidence that Hildred will gather a much-deserved following as more people find her work. I certainly believe the book I read was worth more than the few dollars I paid for it.

[Carrie Asagiri · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don't like to read Japanese stories written by western authors because they often lack of the true flavor of the native's point of view, but I must say this book nailed it. The author is a Japanese and Religious Studies scholar and her knowledge is present all over the story and characters. Even her writing style is similar to the Japanese novelist: concise and intense at the same time.
I've got my issues with the lesbian literature because it often falls back into unrealistic relationships and focusing only on the sex. But this is not the case of Daisuki. It has sex of course, but it's part of the character's development, it's needed for the story. The sex is there, and it's hot and at the same time realistic. The way the lesbian relationship is portrayed is realistic too and mainly if we keep in mind its Japanese setting. The struggles the characters face are genuine and those struggles aren't exclusive into the Japanese society.
Aiko and Reina are very well constructed characters and I wound up caring about them and their lives. Their background, their past, everything is interesting about them.
The novel itself, beyond the lesbian drama and romance, can be labeled as slice of life too. Even when there are several conflicts through the book, the author just told a piece of story from the lives of the main couple.
The only negative issue I found are some minor grammatical and typographical mistakes but they don't overshadow the general enjoyment of the book.

[Alexis · Rating 5 out of 5]

It can be hard in erotic romance to strike a good balance between sexy and emotionally satisfying, but "Daisuki." does it. And beautifully, at that! Hildred Billings has an evocative narrative voice, her characters are compelling, and the story - a Japanese lesbian couple approaching their 20th anniversary, with some snags along the way - is very engaging.

Something I really appreciate about Billings is that her novels all have plot. In addition to the romance and sex, there are real issues and scenes that could be taken from non-fictional life. It's very true-to-life and, while it is a quick read, it packs an emotional punch. It also doesn't hurt that the sex is both sexy and far from formulaic. I never felt like I was just reading the same scene over and over again.

If you're in the market for good lesbian romance (and, really, who isn't?), definitely check this one out. It's a fun, sexy, satisfying read.

[Sofia · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is my first foray into f/f except for Fingersmith which was totally different.

No man is an island and we need each other to live and survive but society does exact a terrible price for allowing us to be part of the group. To be part of society we give up a lot of who we are in order to blend in. To become part of and be accepted in society, we end up loosing ourselves. This is what I thought about whilst reading this book. I felt for both Aiko and Reina and although there struggles stemmed from their lesbian lifestyle, the reason for their struggles could easily have been something else. Sometimes it seems to me that society craves us to be one and the same and any aberration from 'normal' is looked askance at. The thing is that we are all born different and there is beauty in variety and there is a place for all of us, so why is it so difficult.

[LAINAVERSE · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was my first LGBT novel and it was pretty good. The sex scenes were awesome but didn't eclipse what was occurring in Reina and Aiko's relationship. It didn't really feel like they had been together for 20 years though their relationship still felt long term and deeply invested. I did like that Reina's gender identity was explored, but I guess it took me some extra thought to get away from feeling weird about how open their relationship was. The ending felt a bit rushed, maybe a bit unbelievable but I still enjoyed it and felt closure. I definitely plan to read more about Reina and Aiko's relationship.

I will say that the random lines in Japanese were a little annoying but at the same time, I can acknowledge that those lines are best in that language, if that makes sense.

[Kristi Cramer · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you like a good romp, with lots of hot sex and a heart warming love story, then Daisuki is a good way to spend some 'me' time. I'm a happy hetero, but if I'm honest I'll confess the action turned my crank more than once.
This is my first read in this genre, and I doubt I would have found it on my own had I not met the author at a writer's conference. Sketchy grammar and odd (imho) word choices took me out of the bubble more often than not, but perhaps this is as much a testament to the foreign setting and the cultural differences as anything. It certainly gave me a glimpse of Japanese culture I would not have discovered on my own.

[Miriam · Rating 4 out of 5]

What I expected: A romance novel set in Japan. What I got: A heartwrenchingly sad tale of social mores and the personal loss they engender. The characters, Reina and Aiko, are unforgettable people, who have the courage to make happiness for themselves and one another, even though they know they're suffering. The only reason I gave this beautiful little book four stars instead of five is because the writing style is often very stilted, taking on the character of poorly translated Japanese, which made some sex scenes laughable. I look forward to reading more books in this surprisingly expansive series.

[Tara Christofes · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book, however at the end of it, I questioned why Aiko would stay with someone who pushed her limits so much. It felt that Aiko was only going through the motions, not to make herself happy, but just to make Reina happy.

However, this is just where their journey ends. Every relationship has it's rocky parts, and this is where their rocky parts begin. In later books, it is quite clear that the things that Aiko questions she does indeed enjoy, though in this book it is difficult to see that.

[Julieta Steyr · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not the best I've read, it leaves many loose stuff for your next book and the obsession of masculinity is an aspect that I do not understand. The aspects of Japanese society are treated well above without explaining too much.

[Gabingy · Rating 1 out of 5]

No me gustó mucho. Todo lo arreglaban con s+x0. Sentía que estaba leyendo un fanfic mejor narrado pero con trama de fanfic. No soy fan de estas relaciones estereotípicas donde una es muy fem y la otra es muy masc. No lo volvería a leer:8

[LVLMLeah · Rating 3 out of 5]

My review here:

http://bi-curious-romancenovel-chat.b...

[Brittney]

I give this a try, but it just wasn't for me.

[Sascha Broich · Rating 4 out of 5]

Even if it's labeled as #1 the reader should have read Hatsukoi (#2) first to understand Reina and Aiko's relationship.