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The Cornelius Murphy Trilogy #1
The Book of Ultimate Truths
Cornelius Murphy is a big-haired seventeen year old tall school leaver, devoted avoider of regular employment and Stuff of Epics. And together with his diminutive companion and bestest friend Tuppe (the stuff of epics to a slightly lesser degree) they set out in a 1958 Cadillac Eldorado to travel the length of the British Isles in search of the missing chapters from a great and wonderful tome: The Book of Ultimate Truths. Penned by self-styled Most Amazing Man Who Ever Lived, Hugo Rune.
Although few people remember Rune today, in his time he was lionised by society for his many achievements.
He spoke seventeen languages, played darts with the Dalai Lama and shared his sleeping bag (on separate occasions) with Albert Einstein, Lawrence of Arabia, George Formby and Marilyn Monroe. He was worshipped as a god by an East Acton cargo cult and once scaled Everest in a smoking jacket and a pair of plus-fours to win a bet with Oscar Wilde. He travelled to Venus in the company of George Adamski, reinvented the ocarina and was yearly burned in effigy by the Chiswick Townswomens’ Guild.
He was an expert swordsman, a world traveller, a poet, a painter, a guru unto gurus and a passionate hater of Bud Abbot. He won a first at Oxford, squandered three fortunes, made love to a thousand women, imbibed strange drugs and almost pipped Einstein for the Nobel Prize. He was barred from every Chinese noodle parlour in West London and died penniless in a Hastings boarding house in his ninetieth year.
He penned nearly eight million words, wrote the songs that made the whole world sing and knew all the answers to all the big questions. And he was, as his acolyte Aleister Crowley once said, One Hell of a Holy Guru!
His greatest work The Book of Ultimate Truths explains in terms understandable to the layman just what life is all about. Why there are always two small screws left over when you reassemble that broken toaster. Where all the yellow handled screwdrivers go to. The truth about the A-Z street directory and the Forbidden Zones that lie hidden all around us. The spontaneous generation of crowds. Where the flat hedgehogs upon country roads really come from. The real deal about Time, the Creation of the Universe and pretty much everything really.
Throughout his long life he was constantly under attack from the Forces of Darkness that sought to stop him revealing these Ultimate Truths.
And now Cornelius and Tuppe must battle these same Dark Forces if they are to seek out and publish the missing chapters of Rune. The going won’t be easy, as they encounter demonic Scotsmen, mad monks and cake-obsessed evil fairies, but it will be a lot of fun and The Book of Ultimate Truths must be republished. The survival of Mankind depends upon it.
Although few people remember Rune today, in his time he was lionised by society for his many achievements.
He spoke seventeen languages, played darts with the Dalai Lama and shared his sleeping bag (on separate occasions) with Albert Einstein, Lawrence of Arabia, George Formby and Marilyn Monroe. He was worshipped as a god by an East Acton cargo cult and once scaled Everest in a smoking jacket and a pair of plus-fours to win a bet with Oscar Wilde. He travelled to Venus in the company of George Adamski, reinvented the ocarina and was yearly burned in effigy by the Chiswick Townswomens’ Guild.
He was an expert swordsman, a world traveller, a poet, a painter, a guru unto gurus and a passionate hater of Bud Abbot. He won a first at Oxford, squandered three fortunes, made love to a thousand women, imbibed strange drugs and almost pipped Einstein for the Nobel Prize. He was barred from every Chinese noodle parlour in West London and died penniless in a Hastings boarding house in his ninetieth year.
He penned nearly eight million words, wrote the songs that made the whole world sing and knew all the answers to all the big questions. And he was, as his acolyte Aleister Crowley once said, One Hell of a Holy Guru!
His greatest work The Book of Ultimate Truths explains in terms understandable to the layman just what life is all about. Why there are always two small screws left over when you reassemble that broken toaster. Where all the yellow handled screwdrivers go to. The truth about the A-Z street directory and the Forbidden Zones that lie hidden all around us. The spontaneous generation of crowds. Where the flat hedgehogs upon country roads really come from. The real deal about Time, the Creation of the Universe and pretty much everything really.
Throughout his long life he was constantly under attack from the Forces of Darkness that sought to stop him revealing these Ultimate Truths.
And now Cornelius and Tuppe must battle these same Dark Forces if they are to seek out and publish the missing chapters of Rune. The going won’t be easy, as they encounter demonic Scotsmen, mad monks and cake-obsessed evil fairies, but it will be a lot of fun and The Book of Ultimate Truths must be republished. The survival of Mankind depends upon it.
356 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 1993
48 people are currently reading
1097 people want to read
About the author
Robert Rankin
61 books862 followers"When Robert Rankin embarked upon his writing career in the late 1970s, his ambition was to create an entirely new literary genre, which he named Far-Fetched Fiction. He reasoned that by doing this he could avoid competing with any other living author in any known genre and would be given his own special section in WH Smith."
(from Web Site Story)
Robert Rankin describes himself as a teller of tall tales, a fitting description, assuming that he isn't lying about it. From his early beginnings as a baby in 1949, Robert Rankin has grown into a tall man of some stature. Somewhere along the way he experimented in the writing of books, and found that he could do it rather well. Not being one to light his hide under a bushel, Mister Rankin continues to write fine novels of a humorous science-fictional nature.
(from Web Site Story)
Robert Rankin describes himself as a teller of tall tales, a fitting description, assuming that he isn't lying about it. From his early beginnings as a baby in 1949, Robert Rankin has grown into a tall man of some stature. Somewhere along the way he experimented in the writing of books, and found that he could do it rather well. Not being one to light his hide under a bushel, Mister Rankin continues to write fine novels of a humorous science-fictional nature.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 53 reviews
March 3, 2013
By now, I’ve read enough of Rankin’s books to notice that there are certain recurring characters who show up in many of them. Their circumstances aren’t always quite the same, but they’re basically the same people. Sort of like Kilgore Trout in Kurt Vonnegut’s work, I suppose. One of the most significant recurring characters is Hugo Rune, the eccentric guru and magician who refuses to pay for anything. In this book, we learn that Rune had written something called The Book of Ultimate Truths, which explains such phenomena as why there are always two small screws left over after assembling something, and why you can never find a pen when you need one. Cornelius Murphy, the protagonist, is sent out by a mysterious benefactor with a taste for cake to find Rune’s missing notes, running into many bizarre comic situations along the way. Proving particularly troublesome is Jim Campbell, often called simply “the Campbell,” a Scotsman who turns out to be a sadistic shape-shifter. Like many of Rankin’s heroes, Murphy is rather lazy and shiftless in his everyday life, but also has hidden talents that prove useful during his journey. As a running gag in the book has it, he’s the stuff of epics. The book is full of Rankin’s typical weird humor, and while I don’t know that it’s his first book to feature Rune, it’s still a good introduction to the character.
May 24, 2013
Having recently read 'The Hollow Chocolate bunnies of the apocolypse' and generall enjoying it, i was hoping for more of the same with 'The Book of Ultimate Truths'.
Unfortunately this was not the case. Though there were passages which were funny, I just couldnt relate to any of the characters and so didnt really care what happened to them. The plot too was much darker the 'The Hollow Chocolate bunnies' and i foudn this too took away from the humour and comedy element.
Not one of my favourite Rankin books.
Unfortunately this was not the case. Though there were passages which were funny, I just couldnt relate to any of the characters and so didnt really care what happened to them. The plot too was much darker the 'The Hollow Chocolate bunnies' and i foudn this too took away from the humour and comedy element.
Not one of my favourite Rankin books.
June 23, 2025
I couldn’t engage with either the characters or the story. Found myself drifting off mid-sentence and wondering what I should read next.
The Brentford Trilogy this is not!
The Brentford Trilogy this is not!
January 18, 2013
When reading books, I go through phases of genres, where I might read 3 or 4 of one type before switching to another. Recently, I'd been reading a lot of historical fiction and felt it was time to switch it up, moving on to comedy instead, hoping this would prove to be a hit.
Unfortunately, it wasn't. :(
Perhaps I should have known: I had read some Robert Rankin before and had found him (generally) to be more miss than hit, with this novel only serving to reinforce that opinion. IMO, I found this rather surreal and just not that funny with it rarely raising a smile, never mind a laugh! Indeed, what humour there is I found to be rather childish, almost infantile. Doubt I'll be looking for any more in this series: the only reasons this doesn't get 1 star is because A) a book has to be really, REALLY bad for me to give it that and B) because it was free (but now I know why!) from Amazon.
Unfortunately, it wasn't. :(
Perhaps I should have known: I had read some Robert Rankin before and had found him (generally) to be more miss than hit, with this novel only serving to reinforce that opinion. IMO, I found this rather surreal and just not that funny with it rarely raising a smile, never mind a laugh! Indeed, what humour there is I found to be rather childish, almost infantile. Doubt I'll be looking for any more in this series: the only reasons this doesn't get 1 star is because A) a book has to be really, REALLY bad for me to give it that and B) because it was free (but now I know why!) from Amazon.
November 11, 2010
why do so many people like these books?
February 9, 2010
I learnt from this book that it is better to begin reading a book with low expectations and positive hope. With this book, however, I began with high expectations and negative hope, and so I was ultimately disappointed and somewhat relieved. Let me explain...
I wrote a book, which I would describe as funny and profound. My brother read it and told me my style is much like that of Robert Rankin. He then bought me a copy of this book, which he describes as his favourite novel. I respect my brother's opinions in matters like this, having grown up in his footsteps; liking the things he likes, and disliking the things he dislikes.
I was scared when I received The Book Of Ultimate Truths. I was worried that it would be much better than my effort. It was not just my brother's favourite novel, but the reviews on Amazon were all glowing with 4 or 5 stars. I did not want to discover that there was an author of great reputation, who was better than me and much earlier to the market. I wanted to be disappointed with this book. But I was also expecting great things.
Ultimately, it turned out that I had nothing to worry about. I got through it quite quickly, but every time I put it down I asked myself: "When is it going to get good? When is the author going to achieve his potential?" There are some good words in there, and I didn't dislike the story. But the humour takes a back seat, letting the plot do most of the driving (in my book, it is the other way around - I focussed upon making it funny, and neglected the story). As for the truths. Well, they are not profound or ultimate in any way. Ballpoint pens get themselves lost, while screws breed-and-multiply inside electrical appliances. We knew that already. A book of ultimate truths, this is not.
In conclusion, I feel a bit harsh giving this book only 2 stars. But 3 would be too generous, I think. I would give it 3 stars if I didn't already know about my book. It's not bad, but I won't read another Robert Rankin book, and I will be more cautious when listening to my brother's recommendations in future. If you read it without suffering lofty expectations, or hoping to hate it, then you will probably enjoy this book. Me, I've got more to fear from Douglas Adams, the author I was inspired by.
(If you disagree with this review, then you might not like my book, as you will begin reading it hoping it will be bad, but expecting it to be good.)
I wrote a book, which I would describe as funny and profound. My brother read it and told me my style is much like that of Robert Rankin. He then bought me a copy of this book, which he describes as his favourite novel. I respect my brother's opinions in matters like this, having grown up in his footsteps; liking the things he likes, and disliking the things he dislikes.
I was scared when I received The Book Of Ultimate Truths. I was worried that it would be much better than my effort. It was not just my brother's favourite novel, but the reviews on Amazon were all glowing with 4 or 5 stars. I did not want to discover that there was an author of great reputation, who was better than me and much earlier to the market. I wanted to be disappointed with this book. But I was also expecting great things.
Ultimately, it turned out that I had nothing to worry about. I got through it quite quickly, but every time I put it down I asked myself: "When is it going to get good? When is the author going to achieve his potential?" There are some good words in there, and I didn't dislike the story. But the humour takes a back seat, letting the plot do most of the driving (in my book, it is the other way around - I focussed upon making it funny, and neglected the story). As for the truths. Well, they are not profound or ultimate in any way. Ballpoint pens get themselves lost, while screws breed-and-multiply inside electrical appliances. We knew that already. A book of ultimate truths, this is not.
In conclusion, I feel a bit harsh giving this book only 2 stars. But 3 would be too generous, I think. I would give it 3 stars if I didn't already know about my book. It's not bad, but I won't read another Robert Rankin book, and I will be more cautious when listening to my brother's recommendations in future. If you read it without suffering lofty expectations, or hoping to hate it, then you will probably enjoy this book. Me, I've got more to fear from Douglas Adams, the author I was inspired by.
(If you disagree with this review, then you might not like my book, as you will begin reading it hoping it will be bad, but expecting it to be good.)
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May 1, 2017
Cornelius Murphy and his friend Tuppe set off on an epic adventure to find the missing papers of self-proclaimed Grand Master of Everything, Hugo Artemis Solon Saturnicus Reginald Arthur Rune's book; The Book of Ultimate Truths. Starting out in Scotland, ready to buy the remaining items of an estate belonging to an old friend of Rune's, they make one too many enemies along the way, up to and including angry Scots.
Of all the authors I read, likeable and dislikeable, Robert Rankin is the only one that has taught me something in every single book. It may only be trivial matters, though can often be cultural gems, but every single book I read of his I have to hop on to Google and find out what he's talking about. His wonderful references to obscure little facts, or passing mentions of wonderful people who were alive long ago and have been forgotten by most, have been instrumental in my education of non-academic fancies.
I have yet to read every Rankin book, but thus far I have gleamed knowledge of the cornerstones of past cultures, from the academic to the (more often than not) occult. Crowley, Babbage, Tesla, Dadd: all were introduced to me via Rankin. Popular Culture also gets its foot in, from musicians to TV personalities: the kind of people that, as a young'un, have by-passed me because if it's not current, it's not popular, right?
Robert Rankin's writing is not sublime. It is often long-winded and he is very over-fond of the running gag. But he is the only writer who has ever made me laugh out loud in public (at a Cricket match, no less) and also sitting alone in my room. I cannot pick the book up again due to being unable to breath. No other writer has done that: not even Sir Terry Pratchett. He writes in the style of that secret voice we have in our mind, the one that is laughing at the person who has just tripped over, and won't stop giggling even as we help them up. It is the childlike voice that holds nothing sacred.
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Of all the authors I read, likeable and dislikeable, Robert Rankin is the only one that has taught me something in every single book. It may only be trivial matters, though can often be cultural gems, but every single book I read of his I have to hop on to Google and find out what he's talking about. His wonderful references to obscure little facts, or passing mentions of wonderful people who were alive long ago and have been forgotten by most, have been instrumental in my education of non-academic fancies.
I have yet to read every Rankin book, but thus far I have gleamed knowledge of the cornerstones of past cultures, from the academic to the (more often than not) occult. Crowley, Babbage, Tesla, Dadd: all were introduced to me via Rankin. Popular Culture also gets its foot in, from musicians to TV personalities: the kind of people that, as a young'un, have by-passed me because if it's not current, it's not popular, right?
Robert Rankin's writing is not sublime. It is often long-winded and he is very over-fond of the running gag. But he is the only writer who has ever made me laugh out loud in public (at a Cricket match, no less) and also sitting alone in my room. I cannot pick the book up again due to being unable to breath. No other writer has done that: not even Sir Terry Pratchett. He writes in the style of that secret voice we have in our mind, the one that is laughing at the person who has just tripped over, and won't stop giggling even as we help them up. It is the childlike voice that holds nothing sacred.
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January 12, 2013
Been ages since I've read anything this entertaining, and it tested the dictionary definition function on my Kindle Paperwhite to within an inch of it's life - fantastic use of a huge range of inherently British words and phrases, quite a lot of which I'd never heard of before. Couldn't help but grin every time I read about people in their 'bare scuddies'. Rankin has a particular turn of phrase that is vastly eloquent - economical, concise, unique and often just utterly hilarious.
I read reviews before starting, and as far as I recall opinions were fairly even divided along the love/hate divide, but I would counsel this: if you love language and clever wordplay, and don't mind an easy-reading adventure story, you should definitely give it a go. However, if you need your storytelling delivered in words of less than two syllables with an extremely literal narrative and no subtext whatsoever ... move along. This will only serve to frustrate you.
In summary, a jolly rollicking adventure that just misses five stars due to not being quite as epic as it likes to think it is, but extremely entertaining nonetheless.
I read reviews before starting, and as far as I recall opinions were fairly even divided along the love/hate divide, but I would counsel this: if you love language and clever wordplay, and don't mind an easy-reading adventure story, you should definitely give it a go. However, if you need your storytelling delivered in words of less than two syllables with an extremely literal narrative and no subtext whatsoever ... move along. This will only serve to frustrate you.
In summary, a jolly rollicking adventure that just misses five stars due to not being quite as epic as it likes to think it is, but extremely entertaining nonetheless.
October 19, 2013
I wanted to really love this book, but something about it made me a little reticent. I think the randomness and confusion in the plot made it a little difficult to follow in places. I think I perhaps expected a little more from the book and so was a tad disappointed. Having read a few Jasper Fforde books I thought this would be along the same lines, but with this one I found it difficult to get into and to follow up until quite near the end, by which time I had already been disappointed.
December 8, 2010
Absolutely crazy but very clever and very funny. The humour ranges from the written equivalent of slapstick to very subtle stuff. I had to slow my reading down to make sure I didn't miss the more subtle ways he played with words which could easily be missed because of the really obvious humour of his plot.
September 16, 2008
I'm not entirely sure what happened but i'm pretty sure i liked it.
July 18, 2025
A typically enjoyable tale from Robert Rankin, the first of his I've read in a while. I can't recall quite why I got out of the habit; it's possible they were getting a bit same-ish; maybe I just found other authors. On the evidence of this, fun though it was, both theories remain possible.
All the usual Rankin fun is here, wild adventures, bizarre characters, surreal humour and fantastical goings-on. As well as many references to places and people we've encountered in other Rankin books. But I can't say it stands out for any reason against his other books.
Nonetheless, it grabbed me enough to keep reading and although a little slow to start, picked up the pace about a quarter through. I bought this purely because I found I owned (unread) the third in the trilogy, and am far too English to read the third without knowledge of the first two. But despite reservations, I'll be moving onto the second once I've got a thriller out of the way.
All the usual Rankin fun is here, wild adventures, bizarre characters, surreal humour and fantastical goings-on. As well as many references to places and people we've encountered in other Rankin books. But I can't say it stands out for any reason against his other books.
Nonetheless, it grabbed me enough to keep reading and although a little slow to start, picked up the pace about a quarter through. I bought this purely because I found I owned (unread) the third in the trilogy, and am far too English to read the third without knowledge of the first two. But despite reservations, I'll be moving onto the second once I've got a thriller out of the way.
December 18, 2022
Lower your expectations and read on. I personally think this book was only published due to the author's previous works. By chapter 4 I expected to get an idea of what the book was about, but I was mistaken. Several characters were there for the taking but no. Honestly, the sad jokes and juvenile humour from behind the shed were just barely bearable. Then to my astonishment, there are 2 more books in the series. What a sad waste of paper. it is long-winded and he just can't resist telling a gag worthy joke. A person might think these jokes are funny in his mind, but no one should put pen to paper and write them down. Please don't compare him to Terry Pratchet.
May 10, 2025
Veering away from Brentford and West London for a UK-spanning road trip of a book, The Book of Ultimate Truths sees Cornelius Murphy, the stuff of epics, and his diminutive friend Tuppe searching for the lost papers of one Hugo Rune with, as they say, hilarious consequences.
With cameos by Jim Pooley, Neville the part-time barman, and Hugo Rune himself, as well as references to good old Lazlo Woodbine, this magical tale of Forbidden Zones is endlessly entertaining, and the start of a whole new trilogy within Robert Rankin's work. Hurrah!
With cameos by Jim Pooley, Neville the part-time barman, and Hugo Rune himself, as well as references to good old Lazlo Woodbine, this magical tale of Forbidden Zones is endlessly entertaining, and the start of a whole new trilogy within Robert Rankin's work. Hurrah!
May 29, 2020
Slowly working my way through all of Robert Rankin's books in chronological order. I have yet to be disappointed by any of them. This one was a fun road tripping adventure of two best friends on a supernatural quest, with a few cameos by characters from previous books. I loved it!
If I had to describe Rankin's style I'd say it was a mix of Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchett, and Coronation Street.
If I had to describe Rankin's style I'd say it was a mix of Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchett, and Coronation Street.
March 6, 2023
I'm not saying this was a five star book; it was a four star book at best. However, it absolutely gets an extra star for some the best puns of the English language since Shakespeare, in my humble opinion.
It's delightfully wacky bordering on completely batcrap crazy, and I loved it. It's a breezy read for when you're not into anything too serious, but if you're not very well versed on both British and Sci-fi cultures, you'll miss a lot of the jokes.
It's delightfully wacky bordering on completely batcrap crazy, and I loved it. It's a breezy read for when you're not into anything too serious, but if you're not very well versed on both British and Sci-fi cultures, you'll miss a lot of the jokes.
June 29, 2018
I did not have high expectations for this book going into it, but I was actually blown away. It may come across a little corny, but if you’re don’t expect much, it’s going to be a pleasant ride along a entertaining adventure, that sometimes gives you a chuckle or laugh. I also thoroughly enjoyed the philosophy and art references used creatively.
March 31, 2019
I'm gonna rate this dead in the middle because it is overall very ordinary. There wasn't much in this story or the way it was told that left me with an overwhelming desire to chase down the next in this series to read soon. I may get around to it when I've exhausted so many other possibilities to try since at least they would be an unknown quantity.
July 7, 2023
What did I just read?
Well, there's this young guy who is tall and has a friend who is short, and he takes a job with some mysterious guy who sends him in search of papers written by some cult leader that reveal that the world is far more absurd than most people imagine. And there's some wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff going on.
Yeah, I'm not sure. It was kind of fun, I suppose.
Well, there's this young guy who is tall and has a friend who is short, and he takes a job with some mysterious guy who sends him in search of papers written by some cult leader that reveal that the world is far more absurd than most people imagine. And there's some wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff going on.
Yeah, I'm not sure. It was kind of fun, I suppose.
March 19, 2018
Couldn't get on with this at all. I didn't feel engaged with the characters and feel a bit guilty about it as this was lent to me by a friend.
No... I've marked it 'read' but I didn't and it went into my personal This-didnt-work-for-me shelf. Shame! I had high expectations of it.
No... I've marked it 'read' but I didn't and it went into my personal This-didnt-work-for-me shelf. Shame! I had high expectations of it.
August 1, 2018
There were definitely some pretty nice ideas in this book, but I couldn't get invested in the plotline and found the main characters flat and two-dimensional. Other Robert Rankin books may do it for me, but this one didn't.
May 6, 2021
A good bit of fun, like others I've read by Robert Rankin the humor is pretty non-stop silliness, much of which hits the spot. I'll probably continue with this series soon, but I do need at least a two or three-book break first.
July 12, 2017
Early Rankin- fun, silly, some timing Problems.
August 31, 2018
Rereading, having first read this in the mid-1990s. It's not my favourite Rankin. Has a strong start but lets itself down towards the end.
July 12, 2019
Utter codswallop. Just what he intended it to be. He had fun writing it. My fun reading it was marginal.
April 12, 2020
Overall, quite a good story but not his best.
May 7, 2020
A little stilted to start. Second half better.
May 31, 2020
Nuts
Not your typical D.I. Rebus book but very enjoyable all the same. Where can I join the wiccans ? Warning do not read it you have a weak bladder
Not your typical D.I. Rebus book but very enjoyable all the same. Where can I join the wiccans ? Warning do not read it you have a weak bladder
December 31, 2020
Classic Rankin, just a ridiculous romp with preposterous characters and the odd bit of social commentary. Much needed in miserable times!
January 4, 2021
Pretty dope
Displaying 1 - 30 of 53 reviews