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Trying to Get to Heaven: Opinions of a Tennessee Talker
Dixie Carter has an opinion on just about everything--from the inside scoop on plastic surgery to the importance of etiquette and grooming, from the value of the family to the courage to be yourself.
Trying to Get to Opinions of a Tennessee Talker is one long conversation that you never want to end.
Trying to Get to Opinions of a Tennessee Talker is one long conversation that you never want to end.
272 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1996
4 people are currently reading
109 people want to read
About the author
Dixie Carter
6 booksDixie Virginia Carter was an American film, television and stage actress, best-known for her role in the sitcom Designing Women (1986–1993). She was nominated for the Emmy Award for Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy Series for Desperate Housewives in 2007.
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
December 16, 2023
This was not good. I've spent days trying to think out how to explain my position, whether it's the book itself or my disappointed expectations, and the best I can do is both. I'll start with my expectations. I went in wanting a straight memoir. Where she grew up, what her family was like, her jobs and husbands and some inside stories about working on tv. Carter delivers some of that. The key to understanding my mistake is in the book's subtitle, Opinions of a Tennessee Talker. Emphasis on OPINIONS.
When she shares stories of her family and childhood, it is to put forth the opinion that her parents did everything right, and anyone who does any differently is wrong. The same when she speaks of raising her own children. She expresses regrets for vague failings, and much hope that she was a good mother, but it's also clear that if she failed it was in not being strict enough, yet her daughters are so perfect that's unlikely. No, she did everything right, the only one right way to raise a child. (Although 2 hours of television a day on the weekends might have been excessive.)
A lot of her opinions were odd for the mid-90s when the book was published and are downright regressive today, especially regarding children. Spanking is encouraged, but dog forbid you allow a child under ten years to choose their own clothing or refuse to kiss an elderly relative they've never met. Choices are for adults, children must simply obey. There is no room in her philosophy for poverty, disability, food allergies, fat people, or thoughtful atheism. These things do not exist. If they do, it is the sufferer's fault and they should toughen up and do something about it.
Also truly regressive: She describes a sailing trip to the Tongo Islands with third husband Hal Holbrook and a friend where they were welcomed into a native hut to meet the village leader. She took a dim view of his retinue's dress, attitudes, and choices in life, especially after learning that the leader had traveled extensively and been educated in England, only to return to his "stinking hut" and "diaper". But what bothered me was her repeated references to the native language as "mumbo jumbo". The point of the story? The natives admired her for being brave enough to drink the filthy swill they were stewing in a cauldron, which she persisted in saying was a cannibal cooking pot.
There isn't any interesting talk of her acting jobs for the same reason fat people shouldn't exist: everything should be beautiful and uplifting and pleasing to everyone at all times. If you had a fight with someone, don't talk about it. If you're overweight, lose it as fast as you can because no one wants to look at that. Remember, she tells us in no uncertain terms, everyone in society owes it to everyone else to be pleasant to look at. And she can sympathize, having once gained 50 pounds during pregnancy. She knows how terrible it feels to be *gasp* fat. But having lost it very quickly by getting and staying too sick to eat shortly after the birth, so that in a few short months she was actually underweight, she knows it can be done. All you have to do is try. And don't wear loose clothing. Knits aren't constricting enough and allow everyone to get fat who wears them.
Carter has a lot to say about clothes, what counts and does not count as clothing and shoes (shoes are made of silk or leather, and women's are ballet flats or high heels), and what people should and shouldn't be allowed to wear on the street. Remember, we must be beautiful lest we depress others and ourselves. Our homes must be beautiful, too, and include a separate dining area. Buy screens if you must, as long as they're beautiful. Use table cloths, china, crystal, silver, candles, and fresh flowers for all meals. None of these things are expensive if you haunt antique stores and don't mind the patterns not matching. Flowers are downright cheap! And don't forget the linen napkins. Paper is not acceptable.
Yes, there are a lot of opinions. Every chapter that starts off with a nice personal story about piano lessons or daddy reading bedtime stories inevitably deteriorates into a lengthy lecture on the right way to do any and everything, beginning with personal hygiene. (Be sure to wash your hair at least every other day or it will be gross, you'll get depressed, and people will turn away from you in disgust.) I was depressed just thinking about how harshly she would judge me. It's a lot easier to live my life of crippled comfort in shapeless nightgowns and knit shawls without being told I'm ruining the lives of everyone I encounter.
Apparently there was a lot of drama on the two shows I watched her in, but none of that is mentioned. It wouldn't be beautiful or uplifting. I always wondered why she left Diff'rent Strokes, but the only mention of that show is a single line acknowledging the existence of Conrad Bain. Designing Women comes up more often, but only as a catalyst, never a subject. It revived her career, made her famous (ironically, because she freaking hates tv), and paid for a lot of things. It also inspired her to get plastic surgery, which she calls aesthetic surgery as it made her more beautiful, and introduced her to some lifelong friends. None of whom include the other actresses on the show, only one of whom is ever even mentioned by name. (Annie Potts, who gets a single sentence about her home decor.) Carter spends much more time detailing her stage parts, some of which lasted only a week, and one show that ended during its own intermission. I actually got more of the kind of information I was looking for from IMDB. If I had it to do over, I'd stick with the internet and not buy this book at all.
It's kind of funny because there are areas where I actually agree with her, like her dismay in how the English language is being tortured and misused. I just can't imagine using five or six pages of my memoir to go off about it. And not just because I don't have this book's niche as suitable gift for the most boring grandma at your church. Someone should have told her that every story needs a little drama and the life she presents, unexamined, unearned, perfect from beginning to end, where she still loves her first husband and gives no reason at all for their divorce (I missed the short-lived second marriage entirely, assuming she ever brought it up), is as bland as a field of grass. It's the equivalent of answering all scientific inquiry with "God did it", which is fitting because she also believes that.
When she shares stories of her family and childhood, it is to put forth the opinion that her parents did everything right, and anyone who does any differently is wrong. The same when she speaks of raising her own children. She expresses regrets for vague failings, and much hope that she was a good mother, but it's also clear that if she failed it was in not being strict enough, yet her daughters are so perfect that's unlikely. No, she did everything right, the only one right way to raise a child. (Although 2 hours of television a day on the weekends might have been excessive.)
A lot of her opinions were odd for the mid-90s when the book was published and are downright regressive today, especially regarding children. Spanking is encouraged, but dog forbid you allow a child under ten years to choose their own clothing or refuse to kiss an elderly relative they've never met. Choices are for adults, children must simply obey. There is no room in her philosophy for poverty, disability, food allergies, fat people, or thoughtful atheism. These things do not exist. If they do, it is the sufferer's fault and they should toughen up and do something about it.
Also truly regressive: She describes a sailing trip to the Tongo Islands with third husband Hal Holbrook and a friend where they were welcomed into a native hut to meet the village leader. She took a dim view of his retinue's dress, attitudes, and choices in life, especially after learning that the leader had traveled extensively and been educated in England, only to return to his "stinking hut" and "diaper". But what bothered me was her repeated references to the native language as "mumbo jumbo". The point of the story? The natives admired her for being brave enough to drink the filthy swill they were stewing in a cauldron, which she persisted in saying was a cannibal cooking pot.
There isn't any interesting talk of her acting jobs for the same reason fat people shouldn't exist: everything should be beautiful and uplifting and pleasing to everyone at all times. If you had a fight with someone, don't talk about it. If you're overweight, lose it as fast as you can because no one wants to look at that. Remember, she tells us in no uncertain terms, everyone in society owes it to everyone else to be pleasant to look at. And she can sympathize, having once gained 50 pounds during pregnancy. She knows how terrible it feels to be *gasp* fat. But having lost it very quickly by getting and staying too sick to eat shortly after the birth, so that in a few short months she was actually underweight, she knows it can be done. All you have to do is try. And don't wear loose clothing. Knits aren't constricting enough and allow everyone to get fat who wears them.
Carter has a lot to say about clothes, what counts and does not count as clothing and shoes (shoes are made of silk or leather, and women's are ballet flats or high heels), and what people should and shouldn't be allowed to wear on the street. Remember, we must be beautiful lest we depress others and ourselves. Our homes must be beautiful, too, and include a separate dining area. Buy screens if you must, as long as they're beautiful. Use table cloths, china, crystal, silver, candles, and fresh flowers for all meals. None of these things are expensive if you haunt antique stores and don't mind the patterns not matching. Flowers are downright cheap! And don't forget the linen napkins. Paper is not acceptable.
Yes, there are a lot of opinions. Every chapter that starts off with a nice personal story about piano lessons or daddy reading bedtime stories inevitably deteriorates into a lengthy lecture on the right way to do any and everything, beginning with personal hygiene. (Be sure to wash your hair at least every other day or it will be gross, you'll get depressed, and people will turn away from you in disgust.) I was depressed just thinking about how harshly she would judge me. It's a lot easier to live my life of crippled comfort in shapeless nightgowns and knit shawls without being told I'm ruining the lives of everyone I encounter.
Apparently there was a lot of drama on the two shows I watched her in, but none of that is mentioned. It wouldn't be beautiful or uplifting. I always wondered why she left Diff'rent Strokes, but the only mention of that show is a single line acknowledging the existence of Conrad Bain. Designing Women comes up more often, but only as a catalyst, never a subject. It revived her career, made her famous (ironically, because she freaking hates tv), and paid for a lot of things. It also inspired her to get plastic surgery, which she calls aesthetic surgery as it made her more beautiful, and introduced her to some lifelong friends. None of whom include the other actresses on the show, only one of whom is ever even mentioned by name. (Annie Potts, who gets a single sentence about her home decor.) Carter spends much more time detailing her stage parts, some of which lasted only a week, and one show that ended during its own intermission. I actually got more of the kind of information I was looking for from IMDB. If I had it to do over, I'd stick with the internet and not buy this book at all.
It's kind of funny because there are areas where I actually agree with her, like her dismay in how the English language is being tortured and misused. I just can't imagine using five or six pages of my memoir to go off about it. And not just because I don't have this book's niche as suitable gift for the most boring grandma at your church. Someone should have told her that every story needs a little drama and the life she presents, unexamined, unearned, perfect from beginning to end, where she still loves her first husband and gives no reason at all for their divorce (I missed the short-lived second marriage entirely, assuming she ever brought it up), is as bland as a field of grass. It's the equivalent of answering all scientific inquiry with "God did it", which is fitting because she also believes that.
May 22, 2018
Excuse me, but I actually read this in hardback.
There will never be another like Dixie Carter; what a class act. When I lived in New York, Miss Carter would sing a yearly gig at the Carlyle Hotel using her particular brand of torch and ballad, with John Wallowitch accompanying her. My friend Frank and I were wild about her and vowed to get tickets one year at any price. We would have sat in the smoking section if tickets had been available (better views because statistically smokers order more drinks); alas, we sat on the sides and viewed the concert mostly in profile. Nevertheless, Dixie Carter provided us with a magical evening I will always remember; she even graciously accepted the bouquet I had brought just for her.
Music can bring so many people together and Miss Carter knew this. Though her character on Designing Woman, Julia Sugarbaker, was a Democrat; Miss Carter was late-20th-century Republican. She made a deal with the show's creators that for every scene in which Julia stood on a liberal soapbox, she would receive in kind a scene where she got to sing. The deal might not be within the same show but it was quid pro quo and we were all the winners for it. I wish the rest of the world could solve its problems that way.
There will never be another like Dixie Carter; what a class act. When I lived in New York, Miss Carter would sing a yearly gig at the Carlyle Hotel using her particular brand of torch and ballad, with John Wallowitch accompanying her. My friend Frank and I were wild about her and vowed to get tickets one year at any price. We would have sat in the smoking section if tickets had been available (better views because statistically smokers order more drinks); alas, we sat on the sides and viewed the concert mostly in profile. Nevertheless, Dixie Carter provided us with a magical evening I will always remember; she even graciously accepted the bouquet I had brought just for her.
Music can bring so many people together and Miss Carter knew this. Though her character on Designing Woman, Julia Sugarbaker, was a Democrat; Miss Carter was late-20th-century Republican. She made a deal with the show's creators that for every scene in which Julia stood on a liberal soapbox, she would receive in kind a scene where she got to sing. The deal might not be within the same show but it was quid pro quo and we were all the winners for it. I wish the rest of the world could solve its problems that way.
August 7, 2010
If you're a woman who still appreciates class - read it. If you're someone who swoons over a gorgeous southern accent - get the audiobook. If you're someone who is just awesome - you'll probably enjoy it as well.
July 12, 2016
I loved Designing Women so I was interested in reading Dixie Carter's book. It was definitely a unique look inside this southern woman's life. She is a true southern women——with strong opinions about everything delivered in a gentle manner. Some of the chapters were funny because they were supposed to be (she's a great story teller), while others were funny because they were so outdated. I forget how much has changed (especially related to technology!) in the 20+ years since this book was published!
A few of the chapters were a little tedious (diet, detailed description of her cosmetic surgeries, etc.). Overall, an interesting read if you're a fan of Dixie Carter!
A few of the chapters were a little tedious (diet, detailed description of her cosmetic surgeries, etc.). Overall, an interesting read if you're a fan of Dixie Carter!
March 19, 2020
DNF. I got about 80 pages into this book, and decided I couldn't go on. As much as I am enjoying the resurgence of Designing Women and as much as I like Carter as an actress, reading her book feels like being harangued for hours on end: Sit up straight! We must never, ever eat peanut butter! It's just too much. I did, however, enjoy the brief little bursts of reminiscences of Carter's Tennessee childhood.
August 15, 2011
I'm not sure what I expected, but this wasn't it. I really had a hard time getting through the first half of the book. It almost felt preachy on how Dixie thinks we should take care of ourselves to make society a better place. I didn't feel her opinions are relevant for today's society or maybe that's because I live in the greater Seattle area and we aren't cultivated little Southern Belles in the Pacific NW.
September 29, 2010
Actually didn't finish it, I kept reading it waiting for some more substance but all i got form it is Dixie liked herself alot and thinks though she wasn't perfect, it was like a 'self help' book of how to be more like her. Turned off and tuned out by page 150ish.
November 9, 2014
Loved it. Heartwarming and up lifting.
September 7, 2018
Liked when she told stories of her life and family. Sometimes she was a little heavy on giving advice.
March 12, 2019
I loved Dixie Carter until I read this book.
Get off your high horse, babe.
Get off your high horse, babe.
March 8, 2020
She is beauty, she is class, she is brains! What an uplifting read.
August 30, 2024
Full disclosure: I have a signed copy of the first printing because I hosted Dixie at her signing at our bookstore. I innocently asked as I was passing her the books to sign if she'd like me to replace the musack we were piping through the store with "Dixie Carter sings John Wallowitch Live at the Carlyle" (which I also asked her to sign) and she looked up at me with one of her classic Dixie don't-you-dare glres...and elbowed me in the gut. She was amazing and hysterical and beautiful. And that's what this book is...yes, she gushes a bit too much about her spectacular family. yes, she often comes across as a bossy big sister (but I grew up with one of those & mine wasn't nearly as funny, though she tries).
Skip the chapters on food advice unless you want it or listen to the abridged audio book (she reads the book and adlibs a bit). It is a wonderful book (even if you don't believe in heaven).
Skip the chapters on food advice unless you want it or listen to the abridged audio book (she reads the book and adlibs a bit). It is a wonderful book (even if you don't believe in heaven).
June 19, 2018
Did not finish p.157
November 27, 2020
Many good parts, several "preachy" parts. My favorite section was her description of her sailing jaunts with Hal Holbrook.
April 21, 2023
Love Dixie and her views. I miss her.
July 22, 2025
Pretentious, snobbish, lots of fluff.
January 8, 2016
This was my first book to listen on audible.com and I was really happy with this selection. Although the audio book is abridged and only about an hour and a half long it is a quality hour and a half listening to Dixie reading from her book. The neat thing is when Dixie reads from her book it doesn't sound like some of those drab book readers you hear that sounds like your reading from a text book. No, her reading sounds more like she is talking to a friend which is you the listener. She is telling you things from her life and things she has learned throughout her life mixed with a bit of southern charm and humor/wit.
I really appreciate everything she has to say and I am rereading it again for the second time right now. I have the book but don't know where it is. I hope to read the complete entire book sometime. Definitely an entertaining listen and I would recommend it to anyone but most especially to those who were Julia Sugarbaker or Dixie Carter fans. This book will give you insight into this incredible actress and woman!
I really appreciate everything she has to say and I am rereading it again for the second time right now. I have the book but don't know where it is. I hope to read the complete entire book sometime. Definitely an entertaining listen and I would recommend it to anyone but most especially to those who were Julia Sugarbaker or Dixie Carter fans. This book will give you insight into this incredible actress and woman!
December 9, 2010
I am sure with the sudden passing of Dixie today the book will get a second look. Reads better than many celeb bios.
May 18, 2014
Lovely, classy, uplifting to listen to. Thanks Beth. I'll have to listen a few more times before I return it to you or you will have to come get it.
January 24, 2016
Very sweet book about the woman I came to love through "Designing Women". It's a lovely book about Dixie's life, childhood, and ideas on living and life in general.
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews