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Into This River I Drown
2014 Lambda Literary Award Winner for Best Gay Romance
Five years ago, Benji Green lost his beloved father, Big Eddie, who drowned when his truck crashed into a river. All called it an accident, but Benji thought it more. However, even years later, he is buried deep in his grief, throwing himself into taking over Big Eddie's convenience store in the small town of Roseland, Oregon. Surrounded by his mother and three aunts, he lives day by day, struggling to keep his head above water.
But Roseland is no ordinary place.
With ever-increasing dreams of his father's death and waking visions of feathers on the surface of a river, Benji's definition of reality is starting to bend. He thinks himself haunted, but whether by ghosts or memories, he can no longer tell. It's not until the impossible happens and a man falls from the sky and leaves the burning imprint of wings on the ground that he begins to understand that the world around him is more mysterious than he could have possibly imagined. It's also more dangerous, as forces beyond anyone's control are descending on Roseland, revealing long hidden truths about friends, family, and the man named Calliel who Benji is finding he can no longer live without.
Five years ago, Benji Green lost his beloved father, Big Eddie, who drowned when his truck crashed into a river. All called it an accident, but Benji thought it more. However, even years later, he is buried deep in his grief, throwing himself into taking over Big Eddie's convenience store in the small town of Roseland, Oregon. Surrounded by his mother and three aunts, he lives day by day, struggling to keep his head above water.
But Roseland is no ordinary place.
With ever-increasing dreams of his father's death and waking visions of feathers on the surface of a river, Benji's definition of reality is starting to bend. He thinks himself haunted, but whether by ghosts or memories, he can no longer tell. It's not until the impossible happens and a man falls from the sky and leaves the burning imprint of wings on the ground that he begins to understand that the world around him is more mysterious than he could have possibly imagined. It's also more dangerous, as forces beyond anyone's control are descending on Roseland, revealing long hidden truths about friends, family, and the man named Calliel who Benji is finding he can no longer live without.
400 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 24, 2013
363 people are currently reading
9782 people want to read
About the author
T.J. Klune
69 books61.4k followersTJ KLUNE is a Lambda Literary Award-winning author (Into This River I Drown) and an ex-claims examiner for an insurance company. His novels include The House in the Cerulean Sea and The Extraordinaries. Being queer himself, TJ believes it's important—now more than ever—to have accurate, positive, queer representation in stories.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 879 reviews
November 1, 2018
*Price drop to $0.99 at Amazon US, 11/1/18*
This book didn't made me cry, it made me weep.
Was this book sad? Yes, the grief that Benji has over his father's death is overwhelming and perfectly articulated by the author. However, that isn't what made me sob at work while reading this book on my lunch break.
What made me completely break down is the total and complete love that Benji has for his father and vice versa. It is the heartbreaking magnitude of that love that ripped me to shreds. Benji and his father are more than relatives- they are soul mates. They are kindred spirits. It is the way that T.J. Klune describes the relationship between Benji and his father that destroyed me. To say it was touching would be a vast understatement. The enormity of having the person that is everything taken away from you, that is what made me cry. This wasn't just a death, it was the death.
This book is many things. It is a tribute to faith and friendship. It is a poem about the bond between a parents and child. It is a ode to an impossible love between two seemingly very different people.
I won't give away anything about this book for those of you that haven't read it. I was surprised at the amounts of twists and turn that this book threw my way. The fact that this book was such a departure from anything else that I have read from T.J. Klune is a testament to his versatility as an author. Everything from the gorgeous cover to the carefully crafted characters indicates that this book was no simple writing feat. It was a passion project.
One last thing: In the world of M/M romances where the father is often gruff, distant, or worse, it was both refreshing and inspiring to see a book that gives fathers the credit that they are due. Thank you, T.J., for making this book so emotional, and for making a book about angles feel real.
This book didn't made me cry, it made me weep.
Was this book sad? Yes, the grief that Benji has over his father's death is overwhelming and perfectly articulated by the author. However, that isn't what made me sob at work while reading this book on my lunch break.
What made me completely break down is the total and complete love that Benji has for his father and vice versa. It is the heartbreaking magnitude of that love that ripped me to shreds. Benji and his father are more than relatives- they are soul mates. They are kindred spirits. It is the way that T.J. Klune describes the relationship between Benji and his father that destroyed me. To say it was touching would be a vast understatement. The enormity of having the person that is everything taken away from you, that is what made me cry. This wasn't just a death, it was the death.
This book is many things. It is a tribute to faith and friendship. It is a poem about the bond between a parents and child. It is a ode to an impossible love between two seemingly very different people.
I won't give away anything about this book for those of you that haven't read it. I was surprised at the amounts of twists and turn that this book threw my way. The fact that this book was such a departure from anything else that I have read from T.J. Klune is a testament to his versatility as an author. Everything from the gorgeous cover to the carefully crafted characters indicates that this book was no simple writing feat. It was a passion project.
One last thing: In the world of M/M romances where the father is often gruff, distant, or worse, it was both refreshing and inspiring to see a book that gives fathers the credit that they are due. Thank you, T.J., for making this book so emotional, and for making a book about angles feel real.
April 15, 2018
Dear T.J. Klune,
I hate you. You’ve completely sabotaged my reading year. Here I am, not even a full month into 2014 and you just ran me over with a literary freight train. I might as well read monster porn until 2015 because I doubt that anything I pick up will replace this as my favorite book of the year.
Damn you,
Navessa
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I hate you. You’ve completely sabotaged my reading year. Here I am, not even a full month into 2014 and you just ran me over with a literary freight train. I might as well read monster porn until 2015 because I doubt that anything I pick up will replace this as my favorite book of the year.
Damn you,
Navessa
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest
August 25, 2023
Relisten #3
Still amazing. Love this book.
Relisten #2
I listened to this almost a year before. I'm bumping this up to 5 full stars dispute my pet peeve of no epilogue. I was still reduced to a blubbering mess. If only all fathers where like Big Eddie.
4.5 stars
MY GOD! having read all of TJ's newer books... Reading his older work t was daunting. I felt like I didn't want to tarnish my experience with his writing. Maybe its not as good, not as poignant, not as beautiful.
I was wrong.
FML this book was HARD. I have had tears in my eyes from page 1.
This book is brutal and beautiful and fascinating and IT HURT!
"Cross your heart and hope to die. Stick a thousand needles in your eye"
What I loved:
- Let's start with the almost 19-hour audio... We all know TJ can't write a short book to save his life. This narrator did a great job. it was the first time I have heard him but he tackled this book beautifully. even though it wasn't perfect, but he gave different voices to the multitude of characters in the book, which for me is a must. He also performed the emotions really well. I was impressed. #Brava
- Benji: Reading Benji's story was painful. experiencing his love for his dad, his grief, his loss and then his connection with Cal, he was depressed and hurting and he took blow after blow and still he kept standing back up again. he was beautiful in his power, in his sadness and his anger. He was flawed and he was beautiful in his Flaws too. #IWillSurvive
- Cal: The angel Calliel was larger than life.. in his love for Benji and the amount of sacrifice he has had to go through. he is weighed down by guilt but doesn't know why. He has fallen from grace because he dared to love a mortal... but he never regrets it. #NoRegrets
- The Romance: Cal has loved Benji for all his life, from the moment he was born and then one day he was given a choice. He chose Benji. Benji on the other hand... he was taken with Cal. He slowly fell for his angel, quietly lets him into his heart and resolutely chose him above all others. even as the secrets are revealed, even as Benji discovers betrayal after betrayal, their love transcends it all. #UntilTheVeryEnd
- The relationship between Benjie and his father Big Eddie... GAWD it was beautiful . If there are any dads like Big Eddie IRL... I envy the kids who have them. Big Eddie was magnificent even if he were dead for all of the story. But the flashbacks, the memories, the feelings, the sacrifice... it was magnificent. #NoWords
- The Side Characters: From the trio, to Abe and Benji's mom... to the bad guys and the angels. This cast of characters all had a part to play. They were detrimental to the story, even if it was a tiny role. #NoRoleIsTooSmall
- Steam-o-meter: Low steam as is rule with TJ... and I never mind it with him, because what he writes doesn't need sex to make it better or more memorable. #MoreThan
Angst-o-meter: HIGH ANGST. Omg.. I'm exhausted and will need a break and some fluff after this. #WorthItThough
The ending...
It was the perfect ending for this story, for Cal and Benji...for everyone. #NoGoingBack
The only thing missing, the thing that shaved off that half star, is that I NEEDED an epilogue.
Still amazing. Love this book.
Relisten #2
I listened to this almost a year before. I'm bumping this up to 5 full stars dispute my pet peeve of no epilogue. I was still reduced to a blubbering mess. If only all fathers where like Big Eddie.
4.5 stars
MY GOD! having read all of TJ's newer books... Reading his older work t was daunting. I felt like I didn't want to tarnish my experience with his writing. Maybe its not as good, not as poignant, not as beautiful.
I was wrong.
FML this book was HARD. I have had tears in my eyes from page 1.
This book is brutal and beautiful and fascinating and IT HURT!
"Cross your heart and hope to die. Stick a thousand needles in your eye"
What I loved:
- Let's start with the almost 19-hour audio... We all know TJ can't write a short book to save his life. This narrator did a great job. it was the first time I have heard him but he tackled this book beautifully. even though it wasn't perfect, but he gave different voices to the multitude of characters in the book, which for me is a must. He also performed the emotions really well. I was impressed. #Brava
- Benji: Reading Benji's story was painful. experiencing his love for his dad, his grief, his loss and then his connection with Cal, he was depressed and hurting and he took blow after blow and still he kept standing back up again. he was beautiful in his power, in his sadness and his anger. He was flawed and he was beautiful in his Flaws too. #IWillSurvive
- Cal: The angel Calliel was larger than life.. in his love for Benji and the amount of sacrifice he has had to go through. he is weighed down by guilt but doesn't know why. He has fallen from grace because he dared to love a mortal... but he never regrets it. #NoRegrets
- The Romance: Cal has loved Benji for all his life, from the moment he was born and then one day he was given a choice. He chose Benji. Benji on the other hand... he was taken with Cal. He slowly fell for his angel, quietly lets him into his heart and resolutely chose him above all others. even as the secrets are revealed, even as Benji discovers betrayal after betrayal, their love transcends it all. #UntilTheVeryEnd
- The relationship between Benjie and his father Big Eddie... GAWD it was beautiful . If there are any dads like Big Eddie IRL... I envy the kids who have them. Big Eddie was magnificent even if he were dead for all of the story. But the flashbacks, the memories, the feelings, the sacrifice... it was magnificent. #NoWords
- The Side Characters: From the trio, to Abe and Benji's mom... to the bad guys and the angels. This cast of characters all had a part to play. They were detrimental to the story, even if it was a tiny role. #NoRoleIsTooSmall
- Steam-o-meter: Low steam as is rule with TJ... and I never mind it with him, because what he writes doesn't need sex to make it better or more memorable. #MoreThan
Angst-o-meter: HIGH ANGST. Omg.. I'm exhausted and will need a break and some fluff after this. #WorthItThough
The ending...
It was the perfect ending for this story, for Cal and Benji...for everyone. #NoGoingBack
The only thing missing, the thing that shaved off that half star, is that I NEEDED an epilogue.
October 14, 2014
DNF 63%
I know....I know. What the hell?
I just could not deal with Benji's constant depression. I desperately wanted to give him the number of a good psychologist, a large bottle of antidepressants and suggest he take up journaling.
At least I got to use a Big Lebowski gif. The Dude makes everything better.
Read
March 31, 2024dnf 55%
Ah, I don't know if it's the book or me, probably me, but it was just boring. I wanted to love it because it's TJ Klune, but while the beginning was interesting, the constant repetition later bored me almost to tears.
The romance also felt rushed. I know they were fated mates or something, probably, but they banged after eight days of knowing each other. After reading Green Creek series, I was ready for a slow burn that I think would fit the story better.
There were also some questionable quotes that I'm not the biggest fan of.
Look, I get that our hero was jealous of some women, but to call her a 'slut'? Please, no.
In this situation, the main character's dad tried to support him in coming out to him and said something like this. I know the author was maybe trying to make the dad's response seem like something a small town dad might say, but it was pretty offensive. The author could have used anything and chose to use it.
I guess I have to come to terms with the fact that TJ Klune's older books are not for me.
Ah, I don't know if it's the book or me, probably me, but it was just boring. I wanted to love it because it's TJ Klune, but while the beginning was interesting, the constant repetition later bored me almost to tears.
The romance also felt rushed. I know they were fated mates or something, probably, but they banged after eight days of knowing each other. After reading Green Creek series, I was ready for a slow burn that I think would fit the story better.
There were also some questionable quotes that I'm not the biggest fan of.
“Did she?” I snarl, unable to stop myself. I bet it was that stupid bitch Suzie Goodman who works at the pharmacy. That fucking slut— “No,” he says, eyes sparkling. “That was a joke."
Look, I get that our hero was jealous of some women, but to call her a 'slut'? Please, no.
“You’re damn right I am. So you should know by now that I don’t give a rat’s ass if you’re gay or straight or one of those tranny guys that likes to dress up in a slutty skirt and pretend you have a vagina.”
In this situation, the main character's dad tried to support him in coming out to him and said something like this. I know the author was maybe trying to make the dad's response seem like something a small town dad might say, but it was pretty offensive. The author could have used anything and chose to use it.
I guess I have to come to terms with the fact that TJ Klune's older books are not for me.
March 30, 2020
God. Yes. Just, YES.
If I had to make a list of 10 books that you must read, this book would be on that list.
Very enjoyable read. Pretty long, not that I was bored and wanting it to end at all.
The story was really more that of a love story between Benji and his father, Big Eddie. No, get your minds out of the gutter, not that way. The depth of their father and son love, then the loss of that love is guaranteed to fold your heart up like origami and make you sob a time or two. Buy Kleenex.
The book really pulled me in, making me remember feelings from my own childhood and miss the closeness that I once had with my own father, so I'd recommend the book for no other reason than that.
The one thing that I sort of missed in this book was Benji and Cal getting to know one another really deeply as they fell in love. That's usually a huge point of contention for me, but in this book, ehhh, no biggie. It was *that* good.
Caution: Beware the 'ugly cries'. Do not read in public or you'll look like something out of Jerry Springer to passersby.
January 21, 2022
✨5 Stars✨
Bloody brilliant and everything I’ve come to expect from TJ Klune. Why did I take so long to read it? 🤦🏻♀️
This was so bittersweet. What makes it even more poignant is that TJ Klune lost his own father at a very early age 💔. When Benji was 16, he didn’t just lose his dad in tragic circumstances, he lost his best friend. Some people don’t realise what they have until it’s gone but not Benji. Five years on, he’s still grieving and consumed by anger. To make matters worse, Big Eddie’s death might not have been an accident and Benji’s past suspicions has resulted in intimidation from the local sheriff. It doesn’t take long to realise that a reckoning is on the horizon but even I wasn’t prepared for the fallout. Whilst most of the book is quite slow paced, my heart was in my mouth for the last 30%, right.to.the.very.end! 😫
I cherished the scenes with Benji and his father. Big or small, they were precious and I wanted more. I did cry, but I also laughed and sometimes when I least expected to. The scenes after his dad died were heartbreaking. Benji’s anger is occasionally overwhelming, the way he lashes out, especially towards his mum. It’s completely understandable and he’s only 21 but it was difficult for me to be in his head at times. It was sad to see such a loving family so torn apart by grief. Thankfully, Benji finds Calliel and just in the nick of time. Calliel is pure sunshine. His joy in the little things was endearing and infectious and he has almost the whole town eating out of the palms of his very large hands. He’s kind, wholly unselfish, a little naive but when it comes to matters of the heart a very fast learner. He’s an angel, literally. If I had one wish, it would be that this pair could have had a bit more time.
There was such a rich and diverse cast of characters (some you’ll love and some you’ll love to hate). Of course I loved Benji, Calliel and Big Eddie but I also had a HUGE soft spot for two others in particular. Brave Abe, an elderly and lonely widower who became Benji’s BF after his dad’s death and sweet Nina, a possibly psychic aunt with Down’s syndrome. Neither character let any limitations get in their way and they were both vital to Benji’s survival. It’s impossible not to fall for their charms.
I had a few quibbles. I can’t say my thirst for revenge was fully satisfied but that’s just me. If I ever had to mete out justice, I’m sure I would be quite the sadist, just like one of the characters you’ll find in this book. There were a lot of times I wanted to clip Benji round the ears, his mother too, not to mention Calliel’s father. I don’t care if he works in mysterious ways, I still think he’s a master at manipulation. Lastly, towards the end, every character seemed to be getting in on the act which was maddeningly frustrating when you’re impatient for a certain outcome.
However, this emotional rollercoaster was the easiest 5 stars I’ve rated in a long time. It had everything from love, loss, laughter, sacrifice and betrayal all in a small town setting. I won’t forget these characters in a hurry. It was Lucky charms and blue feathers and sunrises, epic and awesome and oh so cherry!!!
This is the story of my love for two men.
One is my father.
The other is a man who fell from the sky.
Bloody brilliant and everything I’ve come to expect from TJ Klune. Why did I take so long to read it? 🤦🏻♀️
This was so bittersweet. What makes it even more poignant is that TJ Klune lost his own father at a very early age 💔. When Benji was 16, he didn’t just lose his dad in tragic circumstances, he lost his best friend. Some people don’t realise what they have until it’s gone but not Benji. Five years on, he’s still grieving and consumed by anger. To make matters worse, Big Eddie’s death might not have been an accident and Benji’s past suspicions has resulted in intimidation from the local sheriff. It doesn’t take long to realise that a reckoning is on the horizon but even I wasn’t prepared for the fallout. Whilst most of the book is quite slow paced, my heart was in my mouth for the last 30%, right.to.the.very.end! 😫
I cherished the scenes with Benji and his father. Big or small, they were precious and I wanted more. I did cry, but I also laughed and sometimes when I least expected to. The scenes after his dad died were heartbreaking. Benji’s anger is occasionally overwhelming, the way he lashes out, especially towards his mum. It’s completely understandable and he’s only 21 but it was difficult for me to be in his head at times. It was sad to see such a loving family so torn apart by grief. Thankfully, Benji finds Calliel and just in the nick of time. Calliel is pure sunshine. His joy in the little things was endearing and infectious and he has almost the whole town eating out of the palms of his very large hands. He’s kind, wholly unselfish, a little naive but when it comes to matters of the heart a very fast learner. He’s an angel, literally. If I had one wish, it would be that this pair could have had a bit more time.
There was such a rich and diverse cast of characters (some you’ll love and some you’ll love to hate). Of course I loved Benji, Calliel and Big Eddie but I also had a HUGE soft spot for two others in particular. Brave Abe, an elderly and lonely widower who became Benji’s BF after his dad’s death and sweet Nina, a possibly psychic aunt with Down’s syndrome. Neither character let any limitations get in their way and they were both vital to Benji’s survival. It’s impossible not to fall for their charms.
I had a few quibbles. I can’t say my thirst for revenge was fully satisfied but that’s just me. If I ever had to mete out justice, I’m sure I would be quite the sadist, just like one of the characters you’ll find in this book. There were a lot of times I wanted to clip Benji round the ears, his mother too, not to mention Calliel’s father. I don’t care if he works in mysterious ways, I still think he’s a master at manipulation. Lastly, towards the end, every character seemed to be getting in on the act which was maddeningly frustrating when you’re impatient for a certain outcome.
However, this emotional rollercoaster was the easiest 5 stars I’ve rated in a long time. It had everything from love, loss, laughter, sacrifice and betrayal all in a small town setting. I won’t forget these characters in a hurry. It was Lucky charms and blue feathers and sunrises, epic and awesome and oh so cherry!!!
January 14, 2014
I'm truly of two minds about this book.
On the one hand, it was beautiful. The premise, the story in and of itself, the characterizations and most of all, the message it conveys--just gorgeous. The concepts of angels and archangels were fascinating and rather unique. Emotions were written to maximum impact. And in parts, the writing was really, really good, almost poetic; it gripped me, sucked me in and didn't let me go.
On the other hand, for the most part of the book the writing was chatty, long-winding, ponderous, ranting... barely bearable. I could've passed on what feels half of the book without missing anything of the story. Flashbacks, interspersed with action, interspersed with philosophical ramblings,direct addressing of the reader ("You do this and that... I give you this and that story...") and each and every point of the premise (Benji loved his father so much he almost lost himself in grief after the father died, his father was the greatest guy in the world, the love between fathers and sons ist the best thing in the world, love is the most important thing, but true love requires faith, and true faith requires sacrifice...)was rehashed and chewed through over and over and over again almost to death. And then there was this contrived criminal case and the jack-in-the-box villain,but since this isn't a mystery novel... minor issue.
(Another minor issue happens to be a pet peeve of mine: a rather unrelated reference to characters from another book of the same author that appeared like a product-placement in-book ad, but that's likely only me.)
So did I like this book? Not really, even though I enjoyed parts of it greatly. Did I hate it? No, not at all, it was an unique reading experience and it kept me turning pages, wanting to know what happens next.
This book was literally blood, sweat and tears. Literary geeks may find the writing style compelling and praise it to high heaven, I found it often quite taxing. Balanced rating in the middle, I guess.
On the one hand, it was beautiful. The premise, the story in and of itself, the characterizations and most of all, the message it conveys--just gorgeous. The concepts of angels and archangels were fascinating and rather unique. Emotions were written to maximum impact. And in parts, the writing was really, really good, almost poetic; it gripped me, sucked me in and didn't let me go.
On the other hand, for the most part of the book the writing was chatty, long-winding, ponderous, ranting... barely bearable. I could've passed on what feels half of the book without missing anything of the story. Flashbacks, interspersed with action, interspersed with philosophical ramblings,direct addressing of the reader ("You do this and that... I give you this and that story...") and each and every point of the premise (Benji loved his father so much he almost lost himself in grief after the father died, his father was the greatest guy in the world, the love between fathers and sons ist the best thing in the world, love is the most important thing, but true love requires faith, and true faith requires sacrifice...)was rehashed and chewed through over and over and over again almost to death. And then there was this contrived criminal case and the jack-in-the-box villain,but since this isn't a mystery novel... minor issue.
(Another minor issue happens to be a pet peeve of mine: a rather unrelated reference to characters from another book of the same author that appeared like a product-placement in-book ad, but that's likely only me.)
So did I like this book? Not really, even though I enjoyed parts of it greatly. Did I hate it? No, not at all, it was an unique reading experience and it kept me turning pages, wanting to know what happens next.
This book was literally blood, sweat and tears. Literary geeks may find the writing style compelling and praise it to high heaven, I found it often quite taxing. Balanced rating in the middle, I guess.
August 9, 2015
Okay, this was one of the most emotional reads ever. I'm a girl who loves dark and depressing books, but it has to have a meaning for me. I can't read something that makes no sense. The cover drew me in originally. I thought it was beautiful the first time I saw it. Since then I have been nervous to read it. But as you can see I did read it, and I can tell you hand on heart I loved it!
Benji lost his father when he was 16. He drowned in a river and it was deemed an accident. Benji never believed this. He struggles for the 5 years that follow. His mother and his three aunts try to help, but they fail to help him. He feels lost and alone. He's angry and sad and grieving. We know he feels things that make him wonder, we see a lot and I felt everything. Then he meets Calliel, an angel and his life changes. The moments after Call arrived I was was laughing. It was funny to see Benj's reaction to things.
Cal doesn't remember how he got there. A lot of things he's forgotten are important things. He was there when Benj's father died, but he can't remember why. Everything is a mystery and even worse is the knowledge something bad is going on. Griggs was a cop in the town. He was also the one who said that Benj's dad's death was an accident. From an early stage people are lead to believe he is the bad guy. The mystery in this could be obvious, but the pain was what attracted me to it.
The love that develops between Cal and Benji was beautiful. I was holding out hope for them. In the beginning I wasn't sure if I would feel it. The way it turned out though broke my heart and made me hope. Hope that at the end there would be some sort of happy ending. This romance is not what people would call hot and heavy. it's sweet and loving. It has a lot of emotion and pain, but in the end it's love.
I loved the flashbacks in this. There were a few and even when I wasn't expecting them, they came. Some were so happy that I felt it helped me through the book. It never ruined the emotion. Not once did I lose touch with the emotion of the book. It was like being wrapped in emotion and allowing it to flow until the end. Even the death in this book was beautiful in the end. Because in the end this book made things seem perfect.
I highly recommend this story to fans of romance with a story that goes deeper. If you want to read something easy and that can be forgotten, this won't be the book for you. The pain in this book is real and raw, it can't be just stopped. It runs through the book right until the very end. The way it should be
Highly recommend this beautiful story. It's a must read for me!
Benji lost his father when he was 16. He drowned in a river and it was deemed an accident. Benji never believed this. He struggles for the 5 years that follow. His mother and his three aunts try to help, but they fail to help him. He feels lost and alone. He's angry and sad and grieving. We know he feels things that make him wonder, we see a lot and I felt everything. Then he meets Calliel, an angel and his life changes. The moments after Call arrived I was was laughing. It was funny to see Benj's reaction to things.
Cal doesn't remember how he got there. A lot of things he's forgotten are important things. He was there when Benj's father died, but he can't remember why. Everything is a mystery and even worse is the knowledge something bad is going on. Griggs was a cop in the town. He was also the one who said that Benj's dad's death was an accident. From an early stage people are lead to believe he is the bad guy. The mystery in this could be obvious, but the pain was what attracted me to it.
The love that develops between Cal and Benji was beautiful. I was holding out hope for them. In the beginning I wasn't sure if I would feel it. The way it turned out though broke my heart and made me hope. Hope that at the end there would be some sort of happy ending. This romance is not what people would call hot and heavy. it's sweet and loving. It has a lot of emotion and pain, but in the end it's love.
I loved the flashbacks in this. There were a few and even when I wasn't expecting them, they came. Some were so happy that I felt it helped me through the book. It never ruined the emotion. Not once did I lose touch with the emotion of the book. It was like being wrapped in emotion and allowing it to flow until the end. Even the death in this book was beautiful in the end. Because in the end this book made things seem perfect.
I highly recommend this story to fans of romance with a story that goes deeper. If you want to read something easy and that can be forgotten, this won't be the book for you. The pain in this book is real and raw, it can't be just stopped. It runs through the book right until the very end. The way it should be
This is at once the end and the beginning.
This is the story of my love of two men.
One is my father.
The other is a man who fell from the sky.
Highly recommend this beautiful story. It's a must read for me!
May 19, 2014
♥♥♥ 5+ 'Painfully So Cherry' Stars ♥♥♥
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'Sometimes I float along the river
For its surface I am bound
And there are times stones done fill my pockets
And it's into this river I drown'
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I'm going to try to keep this review short because no matter what I say, it will not do this book justice. I was completely blown away by this story. T.J. Klune is an amazing versatile author. I truly believe that he can write it all. Just fantastic.
This story is about Benjamin Green and his love for two men. One is his father, who has always been there for him. And the second is his guardian angel. After the loss of his father, Benjamin is lost and drowning in his sorrow. I won't give much away, but I was completely in LOVE with Benjamin and his father's relationship. I don't think I have ever read a book where the father and son share such a great bond that you can actually feel it while reading. Benji's dad Big Eddie, was the most amazing father. I loved how supportive he was of Benji and seeing all those good times they shared.
Then there was the guardian angel Calliel. He was there for Benjamin when he needed him the most. Cal stole my heart entirely. He was sweet, kind, protective, and selfless. Always wanting to just care for Benji and those under his protection. Cal was a times childlike, but that only added to his appeal. I LOVED him so much as I did Benji. Like I did so many of the secondary characters, such as Benji's best friend Abe.
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'This is at once the end and the beginning.
This is the story of my love of two men.
One is my father.
The other is a man who fell from the sky.'
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I'm not going to lie, this was tough to get through that I had to take many breaks in between. Not because it was bad, but because of its intensity. I don't think I have ever sobbed so much in my life while reading a book. And I truly mean hiccuping-red-and-swollen-eyes-snot-running-SOBBED!! These were all fictional characters but it all felt so real. The story and the characters were something that you can easily relate to which is why you can feel every single emotion that the characters felt. I felt the loss, despair, heartbreak, anger, frustration, weakness, joy, love, and hope. I felt it all.
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'He came, when I was at my darkest. I prayed him down from the sky, and he came in a flash of blue fire that lit up the heavens. I know he came by his own choice, but he came because I called him. He came when I could no longer take the weight of the world on my own. He came when I needed him the most. He came and saved me from myself, saved me from the waters that rose up to my chest and over my head.'
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The last 30% or so is when things get more intense. I LOVED the way this book was written. Brava to T.J. Klune. I enjoyed everything about this book, no matter how soul shattering it was. I loved it for the simple fact that it made me feel and think. I LOVED and would recommend it to everyone. But make sure someone will be there to hold your hand like I had. Thanks to my buddy readers for helping me through it. Overall, it was an amazing read.
~Buddy Read with Lili and Pervy~
November 13, 2018
***4 -4.5 Stars***
"Do you believe in the impossible?"
Thanks to TJ Klune I do now. Gahh, I hate him sometimes for making me cry so much...
Ugh, no, I don't. At least he makes it hurt so good and I'll come back every single time. Promise. ;-) Although not my favorite from him, this was another masterpiece about choices and making a difference. And what's love without sacrifice, right? It dragged a bit at times, otherwise it would have been another solid 5-star-read from me.
I absolutely loved the narration by Matt Baca. Sadly there are not many audiobooks out there narrated by him, but I will definitely give them a try as well.
"Do you believe in the impossible?"
Thanks to TJ Klune I do now. Gahh, I hate him sometimes for making me cry so much...
Ugh, no, I don't. At least he makes it hurt so good and I'll come back every single time. Promise. ;-) Although not my favorite from him, this was another masterpiece about choices and making a difference. And what's love without sacrifice, right? It dragged a bit at times, otherwise it would have been another solid 5-star-read from me.
I absolutely loved the narration by Matt Baca. Sadly there are not many audiobooks out there narrated by him, but I will definitely give them a try as well.
August 10, 2023
AUDIOBOOK August 23: FABULOUS PERFORMANCE!
Original EBOOK review February 2018:
Divinely heartwrenching and so full of love.
This book made me run the gamut of emotions from joy, to anger, to disbelief, to faith, to love, to grief. Those and so many more.
Was this book a fantasy? In a sense. Magical realism would be a more accurate moniker, specially the first half. What do you call a book filled with dreams that are real, and a guardian angel come down from On High?
As always, the prose was absolutely lovely. Lyrical and descriptive, TJK tells us this story through flashbacks, dreams, and a magical reality that threatens to drown our MC Benji beneath a river of grief.
I kept putting this book off because I didn’t want to read about loss and sacrifice. And yes, this book is one of grief, but it’s one of love, of moving forward, of standing strong.
It’s also a book about faith. After all, an angel falls from the sky. I truly enjoyed the debate about God and pain and loss in here. It was done in such a way as to not be pedantic, nor preachy.
I’ll be honest, I loved this book, but I love TJK. This isn’t sweet and fluffy, it has considerable weight, but it’s well worth the extra pounds. How often do we get MM Romance that reads like literature?
Original EBOOK review February 2018:
Divinely heartwrenching and so full of love.
This book made me run the gamut of emotions from joy, to anger, to disbelief, to faith, to love, to grief. Those and so many more.
Was this book a fantasy? In a sense. Magical realism would be a more accurate moniker, specially the first half. What do you call a book filled with dreams that are real, and a guardian angel come down from On High?
As always, the prose was absolutely lovely. Lyrical and descriptive, TJK tells us this story through flashbacks, dreams, and a magical reality that threatens to drown our MC Benji beneath a river of grief.
I kept putting this book off because I didn’t want to read about loss and sacrifice. And yes, this book is one of grief, but it’s one of love, of moving forward, of standing strong.
It’s also a book about faith. After all, an angel falls from the sky. I truly enjoyed the debate about God and pain and loss in here. It was done in such a way as to not be pedantic, nor preachy.
I’ll be honest, I loved this book, but I love TJK. This isn’t sweet and fluffy, it has considerable weight, but it’s well worth the extra pounds. How often do we get MM Romance that reads like literature?
March 15, 2016
Once I heard the white peacock symbolizes the dispersion of souls throughout the world.
The Dalai Lama was once asked what would he do if all his spiritual beliefs were scientifically disproven. He said that if he read all the evidence, all the research, and it was irrefutable, he would have to change.
But...
What would you do if something spiritual disproved your scientific beliefs?
I have just seen that movie, spiritual and scientific thoughts in a cocktail shaker, which led me to similar movies and then I knew I had read something similar to them. This is the book I was looking for.
I'm not a religious person but I don't deny anything. If I had some idea of something above us, I don't think it would be in the form of a man with a beard. This book talks about God, magic, spiritualism, parallel worlds, freewill, fate, butterfly effect, keeping a balance with Good and Evil. And Love. And Romance.
Two people in love could have been together in another life. In the Big Bang all atoms were together in a very small space. So it could be said that their atoms love each other since the beginning. But that's not very romantic. Is love really a scientific thing? It serves a purpose for the species's procreation and survival, but sometimes it's useless. For instance, when that person you love dies. Is that love useful? Is that pain useful?
Seems like a waste of energy the individual shouldn't assume.
Benji lost his soul mate, his father. And nothing has been right ever since. But then he meets Calliel. And everything has a sense, a purpose. Again. But for how long?
Oh, I don't think I'm ever going to answer that in this review. I just want to say that some of those questions, like what we are doing here, why God is so bad when He supposedly loves us, why is the world so unfair, why does the Evil exist... all those questions are considered in this book and I wanted to shout out loud with the characters in all their anger, pain, frustration and sadness. I wanted to stand up and hurt the responsible of it all, the One who makes life so complicated and humiliating, the One who invented Death, Disease and Wrongness just to serve a supposedly higher purpose that we fleshly humans conveniently aren't explained about because we supposedly wouldn't understand. The author hit all the nails on the head and managed to express into words everything that eats us away completely inside. And as a simple human he answers those questions with the power of his imagination, and his version rang very true to me. It can't be demonstrated that his is the correct response, but it can't be rejected, either. Why not? Maybe it's possible after all. Everything is till it's proven the opposite.
The Dalai Lama was once asked what would he do if all his spiritual beliefs were scientifically disproven. He said that if he read all the evidence, all the research, and it was irrefutable, he would have to change.
But...
What would you do if something spiritual disproved your scientific beliefs?
I have just seen that movie, spiritual and scientific thoughts in a cocktail shaker, which led me to similar movies and then I knew I had read something similar to them. This is the book I was looking for.
I'm not a religious person but I don't deny anything. If I had some idea of something above us, I don't think it would be in the form of a man with a beard. This book talks about God, magic, spiritualism, parallel worlds, freewill, fate, butterfly effect, keeping a balance with Good and Evil. And Love. And Romance.
Two people in love could have been together in another life. In the Big Bang all atoms were together in a very small space. So it could be said that their atoms love each other since the beginning. But that's not very romantic. Is love really a scientific thing? It serves a purpose for the species's procreation and survival, but sometimes it's useless. For instance, when that person you love dies. Is that love useful? Is that pain useful?
Seems like a waste of energy the individual shouldn't assume.
We cannot go back. That's why it's hard to choose. You have to make the right choice. As long as you don't choose, everything remains possible.
Benji lost his soul mate, his father. And nothing has been right ever since. But then he meets Calliel. And everything has a sense, a purpose. Again. But for how long?
Oh, I don't think I'm ever going to answer that in this review. I just want to say that some of those questions, like what we are doing here, why God is so bad when He supposedly loves us, why is the world so unfair, why does the Evil exist... all those questions are considered in this book and I wanted to shout out loud with the characters in all their anger, pain, frustration and sadness. I wanted to stand up and hurt the responsible of it all, the One who makes life so complicated and humiliating, the One who invented Death, Disease and Wrongness just to serve a supposedly higher purpose that we fleshly humans conveniently aren't explained about because we supposedly wouldn't understand. The author hit all the nails on the head and managed to express into words everything that eats us away completely inside. And as a simple human he answers those questions with the power of his imagination, and his version rang very true to me. It can't be demonstrated that his is the correct response, but it can't be rejected, either. Why not? Maybe it's possible after all. Everything is till it's proven the opposite.
Before he was unable to make a choice because he didn't know what would happen. Now that he knows what will happen, he is unable to make a choice.
January 7, 2019
I bought Into This River I Drown the summer of 2015, but for some reason I waited until now to actually read it. I've opened it many times to dig in, but something would always make me choose a different book. Maybe it was the length -- it's loooonnng. Maybe it's because I knew that TJ Klune would shred me like no one else does. Maybe I just wasn't ready.
I'm not a religious person, and I mean at all. I never really have been and I doubt I ever will be. And this book deals heavily in religious mysticism - God, angels, divine purpose, sacrifice, etc. Every now and again I will read a book with these themes if it's from an author that I really like and trust. You see, I never want to feel like I'm being preached at. I'm reading romance, not the bible (I've read the bible, but that's a story for another time).
I never once felt preached at while reading Into This River I Drown, but I did feel -- everything. It is in turns heartbreaking and funny. Meaningful and ridiculous. It has TJ Klune's trademark humor and storytelling. It's brilliant. I laughed and cried and sobbed and hurt and loved. That is why I read and TJ Klune delivered so beautifully. I'm going to be thinking about this story for some time to come.
Into This River I Drown is a love story for the ages.
I'm not a religious person, and I mean at all. I never really have been and I doubt I ever will be. And this book deals heavily in religious mysticism - God, angels, divine purpose, sacrifice, etc. Every now and again I will read a book with these themes if it's from an author that I really like and trust. You see, I never want to feel like I'm being preached at. I'm reading romance, not the bible (I've read the bible, but that's a story for another time).
I never once felt preached at while reading Into This River I Drown, but I did feel -- everything. It is in turns heartbreaking and funny. Meaningful and ridiculous. It has TJ Klune's trademark humor and storytelling. It's brilliant. I laughed and cried and sobbed and hurt and loved. That is why I read and TJ Klune delivered so beautifully. I'm going to be thinking about this story for some time to come.
Into This River I Drown is a love story for the ages.
July 31, 2013
Okay I lied I didn't put this down, and read something lighter and fluffier. I finished it while laying on the front porch swing ugly crying. Like I'm glad there was bamboo that shades the porch so no one can see me cry sort of crying. I need to go home cuddle some stuffed animals, or better yet drive to my best friends' house and cuddle their puppies sort of crying.
I need a hug.
I may write a real review someday.
Maybe.
I wouldn't hold your breath.
This took a lot out of me.
It was great, but...
Yeah, puppies, hugs, and ice cream stat.
I need a hug.
I may write a real review someday.
Maybe.
I wouldn't hold your breath.
This took a lot out of me.
It was great, but...
Yeah, puppies, hugs, and ice cream stat.
March 29, 2018
Last year was rich for me in terms of literary discoveries. I was lucky to read a number of amazing books and to discover some new authors that have quickly become very dear to my heart. Last, in order of time, is the wonderful T.J. Klune. His meditative novel Into This River I Drown - possibly one of the most haunting titles and covers I've ever come across - touched me in some very deep and personal ways and it's a book I won't ever forget.
Benji is twenty-one and still profoundly grieving for the death of his father - the wondrous Big Eddie - who drowned in the Umpqua river after a freak car accident. Constantly obsessing over the facts surrounding Bid Eddie's death and missing him more than ever as time passes, Benji is slowly losing his mind to grief and loss. Nothing, not his mother's and aunts' affection, not his best friend's Abe efforts, seems enough to shake him out of his slow descent into depression and madness. His shaky mental state is further strained by recurrent dark dreams of roaring waters, crosses and mysterious blue lights and feathers. One fateful night and at the end of his tether, Benji finds himself begging for help at the very spot where his father died when a blue light comes crashing down from the sky.
This is just the premise of a book where the impossible meets the improbable and where very human themes, such as grief, love, loss and betrayal, get interwoven with big questions relating to life, death and faith.
I felt deeply for Benji's sense of loss and anger at his father's death - his sense of feeling abandoned, his guilt at not having done anything to prevent the unfolding of the events, are raw, real and understandable. The novel, which is narrated from Benji's POV, follows him in the twists and turns of his grieving mind and I truly loved the way the author combines the recounting of present events with past memories and abstract reflections on the sense - or lack thereof - of life and death.
As stated in one of the novel's opening pages:
And 'the man who fell from the sky', Calliel, with all his mysteries and angelic lore is the one who will not only tug Benji along the painful and rough road to recovery but who will also reassess what it means to be human and thus be allowed to exercise free will and to have the freedom to choose for oneself.
There is certainly a lot of romanticism and heartfelt emotions at work in the beautiful relationship between Benji and Cal. T.J. Klune, however, uses their story as a thread that unifies characters and events whilst being at the same time brave enough to place it often in the background of the story. He thus leaves centre stage to the other crucial relationship in the novel, that between a father and his son (Benji and Big Eddie, for sure, but also Cal and his Father), and to Benji's journey of discovery towards the real meaning of love, sacrifice and self-knowledge.
The novel is incredibly well written - the author's language is rich and nuanced, the alternation between objectiveness and subjectiveness carried out in a self-assured and compelling manner. The touches of levity that suddenly appear in the book - Cal's wide-eyed inexperience of the world, his sweetly eccentric behaviour that could appear to clash with his incorruptible sense of loyalty and justice - add a further note of humanity to the novel that makes its painful parts even more heartbreaking.
As I write this review I’m listening to the book's playlist as suggested by T.J. Klune in a post on his blog page A Fistful of Awesome (note: that page is now closed but T.J. has a new blog page) and I'm quite astonished by the variety and beauty of the songs suggested as the novel's soundtrack. Somehow, this playlist confirms for me the first impression I've had of this author: eclectic, profound, complex, capable of reaching painful and hidden places in the reader's heart and mind.
I highly recommend Into This River I Drown and I surely cannot wait to start making my way through T.J.'s other works.
Benji is twenty-one and still profoundly grieving for the death of his father - the wondrous Big Eddie - who drowned in the Umpqua river after a freak car accident. Constantly obsessing over the facts surrounding Bid Eddie's death and missing him more than ever as time passes, Benji is slowly losing his mind to grief and loss. Nothing, not his mother's and aunts' affection, not his best friend's Abe efforts, seems enough to shake him out of his slow descent into depression and madness. His shaky mental state is further strained by recurrent dark dreams of roaring waters, crosses and mysterious blue lights and feathers. One fateful night and at the end of his tether, Benji finds himself begging for help at the very spot where his father died when a blue light comes crashing down from the sky.
This is just the premise of a book where the impossible meets the improbable and where very human themes, such as grief, love, loss and betrayal, get interwoven with big questions relating to life, death and faith.
I felt deeply for Benji's sense of loss and anger at his father's death - his sense of feeling abandoned, his guilt at not having done anything to prevent the unfolding of the events, are raw, real and understandable. The novel, which is narrated from Benji's POV, follows him in the twists and turns of his grieving mind and I truly loved the way the author combines the recounting of present events with past memories and abstract reflections on the sense - or lack thereof - of life and death.
As stated in one of the novel's opening pages:
This is at once a beginning and an end. This is the story of my love for two men. One is my father. The other is a man who fell from the sky.
And 'the man who fell from the sky', Calliel, with all his mysteries and angelic lore is the one who will not only tug Benji along the painful and rough road to recovery but who will also reassess what it means to be human and thus be allowed to exercise free will and to have the freedom to choose for oneself.
There is certainly a lot of romanticism and heartfelt emotions at work in the beautiful relationship between Benji and Cal. T.J. Klune, however, uses their story as a thread that unifies characters and events whilst being at the same time brave enough to place it often in the background of the story. He thus leaves centre stage to the other crucial relationship in the novel, that between a father and his son (Benji and Big Eddie, for sure, but also Cal and his Father), and to Benji's journey of discovery towards the real meaning of love, sacrifice and self-knowledge.
The novel is incredibly well written - the author's language is rich and nuanced, the alternation between objectiveness and subjectiveness carried out in a self-assured and compelling manner. The touches of levity that suddenly appear in the book - Cal's wide-eyed inexperience of the world, his sweetly eccentric behaviour that could appear to clash with his incorruptible sense of loyalty and justice - add a further note of humanity to the novel that makes its painful parts even more heartbreaking.
As I write this review I’m listening to the book's playlist as suggested by T.J. Klune in a post on his blog page A Fistful of Awesome (note: that page is now closed but T.J. has a new blog page) and I'm quite astonished by the variety and beauty of the songs suggested as the novel's soundtrack. Somehow, this playlist confirms for me the first impression I've had of this author: eclectic, profound, complex, capable of reaching painful and hidden places in the reader's heart and mind.
I highly recommend Into This River I Drown and I surely cannot wait to start making my way through T.J.'s other works.
October 22, 2020
Why do I love books???
I'm taken into other worlds where I can control what goes on, and is often so much better than reality. They make me smile and sometimes laugh out loud; they make me cringe or are downright embarrassing; they let my imagination run riot; they make me really angry and think 'WTF?' or gasp with indignation; sometimes I'm breathless with anticipation and can't wait to find out what happens next; they make me snigger and chuckle, and if I'm especially lucky a little hot and bothered, woohoo!
Other books make me feel weepy and slightly depressed; some are just so unbelievably awful I think ‘OMG what is this rubbish...how did it get printed??’....other times I'm so happy and upbeat, thinking 'ah bless, what a lovely story'. This one was different however; this one I just thought ‘Thank you so much TJ for putting into words my own feelings about the death of my father all those years ago’.
This book is not for everyone…anyone who has suffered bereavement in their own lives [and we’re talking here about a beloved parent or partner, close family relative or friend] NOT a pet, will understand where this book is coming from. LOTS of other people won’t get it at all, but that is their loss!!
There is so much going on in this book; the prose is sublime, the words magnificent, there are Angels, there are horrible nasty baddies, there are wonderful townspeople, there are really good friends, there is a strong but somewhat distant mum who eventually starts to get it together and a strong, loving, reliable, honest and wonderfully warm husband and father Big Eddie. Most of all there is Benji (Benjamin Edward Green) and there is Cal (Calliel, the Blue Angel), sigh.
There are references to some of TJ’s other books in here as well - Seven and Felix from ‘Burn’, and of course my lovely Otter and Bear (very well disguised), but you’ll have to have your wits about you to spot them.
Most of all TJ, I want to thank you for sharing the dedication to your father. If I’d had the chance, then those words are exactly what I would have chosen to say to my dad.
August 28, 2022
This book destroyed me.
This book felt super long, but it wasn’t anything bad at all. I enjoyed every moment. If you think “enjoy” means tearing up non-stop and cries every chapter then yes, this was a hell of an enjoyment. I really don’t know how to review this, there were too many things going on, too many emotions, I can’t even write down how I felt every single moment. I usually write my review as I was reading, but this didn’t feel right to do so. All I wanted was to feel it through, no thinking, no stopping.
I do know I laughed, I cried so hard it hurts, sobbed like crazy, teared up, swooned, I was so anxious, I was furious, and most of it all, I grieve. And to hell do I grieve 🥺
This wasn’t a buddy read but thanks to Hugo, for keeping up with my rants the WHOLE time and had to bear for every single time I cried :( I hope at least you’re happy coming back to this through me LOL ❤️
This book felt super long, but it wasn’t anything bad at all. I enjoyed every moment. If you think “enjoy” means tearing up non-stop and cries every chapter then yes, this was a hell of an enjoyment. I really don’t know how to review this, there were too many things going on, too many emotions, I can’t even write down how I felt every single moment. I usually write my review as I was reading, but this didn’t feel right to do so. All I wanted was to feel it through, no thinking, no stopping.
I do know I laughed, I cried so hard it hurts, sobbed like crazy, teared up, swooned, I was so anxious, I was furious, and most of it all, I grieve. And to hell do I grieve 🥺
This wasn’t a buddy read but thanks to Hugo, for keeping up with my rants the WHOLE time and had to bear for every single time I cried :( I hope at least you’re happy coming back to this through me LOL ❤️
April 4, 2013
Into this book I drowned—and I wasn’t so keen on being rescued. I quite loved where I was, thank you very much.
But—sigh—it’s over . . . I guess it’s time for me to do some grieving of my own, because boy will I miss these characters.
It’s hard to write a review for this without giving away too much. There are so many amazing twists and turns that it just has to be read. But, to give you a feel of the story, here are my dedications to each main character:
ABE – Such a warm, wonderful friend. I loved the way you stood next to Benji throughout everything, loved the way you talked about how much you loved and missed your wife, loved the fond memories you had of the life you had Before, and loved the way you forged a life After Estelle. You were such a good best friend to Benji, helping him as he goes through the same grief.
NINA (The most important of The Trio)– I thought you were God. I thought it was you both testing and reassuring everyone in this book. Why did I think that? Because you were the light and the foresight when nobody else seemed able to see anymore.
THE BAD GUYS – I rather wanted to kill you myself, for hurting all the people in all the ways you did. You were so bad and it made me root harder for our Benji and Cal.
THE ANGELS – You surprised me. I can’t say I expected the book to get as paranormal as it did in the end. I have mixed feelings about all your involvement. Sometimes I thought you added the story—particularly Michael, in the beginning—but I wasn’t so sure the rest of you belonged in this story. That being said, I am curious about a couple of you and your stories.
ROSELAND – Because you were one of the most interesting. All the individuals of your town were unique and charming, but it was how they worked together as a whole that was really inspiring. Roseland, you are such a richly crafted town, so vividly described, I could hear your heartbeat throughout the novel. Wonderful.
BLUE, CAL, CALLIEL – For a while, all I could see was blue and it was beautiful and sad and magical and so lonely. The way you loved all the townspeople in Roseland was so endearing, and, well, you had my heart from the start. It’s so hard to say everything I want to about you without giving too much away, but this story would be lost without Blue.
BENJI – You broke my heart. I felt what you felt and there was no way for me to make it better for you except by reading to the end. I wanted so much to say sorry.
And finally,
BIG EDDIE – The best Dad in the world.
It’s not that there aren’t enough words to describe you. There aren’t any.
This story is emotional, and heavy, and magical all at once. This is a story of loss and love and trying desperately not to drown in the river that is grief. I know this story won't be for everyone, but it touched a nerve with me. Part slice-of-life, part mystery, part paranormal, part romance, part blue—every word was worth it.
(Written for MM Good Book Reviews)
But—sigh—it’s over . . . I guess it’s time for me to do some grieving of my own, because boy will I miss these characters.
It’s hard to write a review for this without giving away too much. There are so many amazing twists and turns that it just has to be read. But, to give you a feel of the story, here are my dedications to each main character:
ABE – Such a warm, wonderful friend. I loved the way you stood next to Benji throughout everything, loved the way you talked about how much you loved and missed your wife, loved the fond memories you had of the life you had Before, and loved the way you forged a life After Estelle. You were such a good best friend to Benji, helping him as he goes through the same grief.
NINA (The most important of The Trio)– I thought you were God. I thought it was you both testing and reassuring everyone in this book. Why did I think that? Because you were the light and the foresight when nobody else seemed able to see anymore.
THE BAD GUYS – I rather wanted to kill you myself, for hurting all the people in all the ways you did. You were so bad and it made me root harder for our Benji and Cal.
THE ANGELS – You surprised me. I can’t say I expected the book to get as paranormal as it did in the end. I have mixed feelings about all your involvement. Sometimes I thought you added the story—particularly Michael, in the beginning—but I wasn’t so sure the rest of you belonged in this story. That being said, I am curious about a couple of you and your stories.
ROSELAND – Because you were one of the most interesting. All the individuals of your town were unique and charming, but it was how they worked together as a whole that was really inspiring. Roseland, you are such a richly crafted town, so vividly described, I could hear your heartbeat throughout the novel. Wonderful.
BLUE, CAL, CALLIEL – For a while, all I could see was blue and it was beautiful and sad and magical and so lonely. The way you loved all the townspeople in Roseland was so endearing, and, well, you had my heart from the start. It’s so hard to say everything I want to about you without giving too much away, but this story would be lost without Blue.
BENJI – You broke my heart. I felt what you felt and there was no way for me to make it better for you except by reading to the end. I wanted so much to say sorry.
And finally,
BIG EDDIE – The best Dad in the world.
It’s not that there aren’t enough words to describe you. There aren’t any.
This story is emotional, and heavy, and magical all at once. This is a story of loss and love and trying desperately not to drown in the river that is grief. I know this story won't be for everyone, but it touched a nerve with me. Part slice-of-life, part mystery, part paranormal, part romance, part blue—every word was worth it.
(Written for MM Good Book Reviews)
October 8, 2016
Oh, the power of faith! The power of sacrifice and love.
I'm so happy I read this book. It's one of those books that I will always remember. The story is extraordinary. Every single page is a work of art.
This is the story of Benjamin and Calliel. Nothing I say can describe how wonderful these two are, how beautiful their relationship is.
The whole books feels surreal and dream-like. All the characters were unique. There were many things that i didn't see coming and that makes this whole story more special.
I would have preferred, though, that the book were shorter and not so dark.
Nevertheless, TJ Klune is one of my favourite authors and only he can make me sob over a book. Looking forward to everything he writes.
I'm so happy I read this book. It's one of those books that I will always remember. The story is extraordinary. Every single page is a work of art.
This is the story of Benjamin and Calliel. Nothing I say can describe how wonderful these two are, how beautiful their relationship is.
The whole books feels surreal and dream-like. All the characters were unique. There were many things that i didn't see coming and that makes this whole story more special.
I would have preferred, though, that the book were shorter and not so dark.
Nevertheless, TJ Klune is one of my favourite authors and only he can make me sob over a book. Looking forward to everything he writes.
October 1, 2013
I really don't think anything I write can do justice to just how great a book this is. I was so sad when I finished because I wanted to read more so I went back to find some of my favorite parts to read them again.
I've never had such an emotional reaction to any book before. There were times when I was so deeply sad and upset and other times that I was literally laughing out loud. Many times I didn't want to read further as I feared I wouldn't like the outcome, yet I read as fast as I could hoping that I was wrong.
I absolutely loved the relationship between Benji and his father and the author had such a vivid and descriptive way of detailing stories/flashbacks that allowed the reader to feel just how much they loved each other.
And what can I say about Calliel...he was just so cherry :) He was absolutely adorable. I totally fell in love with him when he was shopping for clothes and talking to everyone in town. So great!
I don't really want to write anything else because I don't want to give anything away. I finished this early in the morning and it's the first thing I thought of when I woke up. It's just a really, really, really great book!!
I've never had such an emotional reaction to any book before. There were times when I was so deeply sad and upset and other times that I was literally laughing out loud. Many times I didn't want to read further as I feared I wouldn't like the outcome, yet I read as fast as I could hoping that I was wrong.
I absolutely loved the relationship between Benji and his father and the author had such a vivid and descriptive way of detailing stories/flashbacks that allowed the reader to feel just how much they loved each other.
And what can I say about Calliel...he was just so cherry :) He was absolutely adorable. I totally fell in love with him when he was shopping for clothes and talking to everyone in town. So great!
I don't really want to write anything else because I don't want to give anything away. I finished this early in the morning and it's the first thing I thought of when I woke up. It's just a really, really, really great book!!
August 12, 2016
I'll start off by saying that Into This River I Drown by TJ Klune is amazing. I knew before I started that this was going to be an emotional book but I still wasn't prepared. I ugly cried in this book- more than once. This book hurt so good.
This story is not only about two men who fall in love, but also the love between father and son. Benji lost his father, Big Eddie, five years ago and is haunted by the events that took place. He is convinced that his father was murdered. I don't want to explain beyond this because I don't want to give anything away.
This book is a beautiful journey of love, friendship, sacrifice, and hope. I fell in love with the characters and felt their every emotion. This book was poetic and the attention to detail was magnificent. There were moments where I was so overcome with emotion that I had to put my iPad down and take a deep breath before continuing. The last 30% of this book is intense- so much sadness, outrage, and despair but there was also hope.
This book is a masterpiece. There aren't enough stars to rate this book. 6+ Stars
Thank you for the Buddy Read Meli Mel and Pervy ♥
August 20, 2022
re-listen April 2018
I still have no words to describe the beauty that is this story but it will forever be one of my favorite books!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Until I find appropriate words for this fantastic book, I'll leave you some pictures.
What you need:
What you can expect:
I still have no words to describe the beauty that is this story but it will forever be one of my favorite books!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Until I find appropriate words for this fantastic book, I'll leave you some pictures.
What you need:
What you can expect:
April 24, 2021
Não é atoa que Tj klune é um dos meus autores queer favoritos. Sua escrita é sempre muito fascinante e me toca de um jeito diferente ao qual não sei bem explicar. Aqui temos a história de um anjo que desce na terra para ajudar um humano passar pela dor do luto, perde alguém especial é uma dor que só quem sente sabe, vc consegue sentir a dor do humano Benji diante da morte do pai, perdi meu pai aos 14 anos e foi um momento difícil da minha vida, ler este livro trouxe de volta certos sentimentos de tristeza e nostalgia de infância. O anjo Calliel foi o meu personagem favorito do livro, seu amor por Benji e seus protegidos foi uma coisa muito tocante para mim. Eu não tenho religião, mas acredito em Deus e sei que isso é o suficiente. Tj conseguiu criar personagens interessantes, principalmente o anjo Michael. Na verdade... Todo universo criado em volta disso foi interessante, assunto de anjos sempre me fascinou. Foi um livro marcante e grande, só não darei 5 estrelas porque teve um defeito que poderia ter sido evitado... Acho que alguns momentos ficaram um tanto repetitivos com o Benji sempre pensando a mesma coisa e se repetindo.. Poderia ter tirado 100 páginas e o problema seria resolvido. Gosto de livros grandes, mas quando uma narração se repete muito me incomoda um pouco. Tirando isso, eu achei esse livro lindo! Tj klune tem um talento incrível para histórias.
August 28, 2013
No spoilers here, just feels. A lot of feels.
There is a drowning. Benjamin's daddy, Big Eddie, drowns in the river.
Then there is the drowning that Benjamin is going through, the drowning in sorrow and pain.
This story then goes from normal How to handle Loss, into strict paranormal and religious. And I hate the religious. Only here? It works.
It works so well, I am astonished. I fell headlong into the story, and I fell headlong in love with Benjamin. Cal took me a moment to warm up to, but feathers aside, he was a fantastic character, true and steady.
The writing is classy, then gritty, and then downright beautiful. Never clichéd, and with very few errors. (I think I found two, which is really, really good these days).
I love how Mr Klune uses phrasing and italics, spacing and em-dashes to take us back and forth in the story, to the past, back to the present and back again. All without losing me on the way, which is some feat. (I am both easily lost and easily confused). Very clever use of the text medium to convey thoughts, feelings, dreams and reality.
Yeah, reality gets to be put on hold here for a while. And I do so very willingly, because Mr Klune just takes me by the hand and RUNS with me. This is my fourth book from him, and I keep saying the same things: I love his way of writing, words just fall perfectly in their places, and they arrive at the exact time when I need them. I drown in his words.
At the end I had a hilarious flash of a bunch of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, even if Rafael was the only name that coincided... The interaction and banter between them was exactly the same, however, and I laughed through my tears.
So many emotions going on here, both in the story and in me.
This is what a good story does, it takes me to another place, where I can live for a while, and feel all the emotions of people I have never met. It's a kind of magic.
And TJ Klune is quite the magician.
***
I was NOT asked to read this book by anyone, I paid for it with my own money, as I do for all the books I read, all the music I listen to and the movies I watch.
There is a drowning. Benjamin's daddy, Big Eddie, drowns in the river.
Then there is the drowning that Benjamin is going through, the drowning in sorrow and pain.
This story then goes from normal How to handle Loss, into strict paranormal and religious. And I hate the religious. Only here? It works.
It works so well, I am astonished. I fell headlong into the story, and I fell headlong in love with Benjamin. Cal took me a moment to warm up to, but feathers aside, he was a fantastic character, true and steady.
The writing is classy, then gritty, and then downright beautiful. Never clichéd, and with very few errors. (I think I found two, which is really, really good these days).
I love how Mr Klune uses phrasing and italics, spacing and em-dashes to take us back and forth in the story, to the past, back to the present and back again. All without losing me on the way, which is some feat. (I am both easily lost and easily confused). Very clever use of the text medium to convey thoughts, feelings, dreams and reality.
Yeah, reality gets to be put on hold here for a while. And I do so very willingly, because Mr Klune just takes me by the hand and RUNS with me. This is my fourth book from him, and I keep saying the same things: I love his way of writing, words just fall perfectly in their places, and they arrive at the exact time when I need them. I drown in his words.
At the end I had a hilarious flash of a bunch of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, even if Rafael was the only name that coincided... The interaction and banter between them was exactly the same, however, and I laughed through my tears.
So many emotions going on here, both in the story and in me.
This is what a good story does, it takes me to another place, where I can live for a while, and feel all the emotions of people I have never met. It's a kind of magic.
And TJ Klune is quite the magician.
***
I was NOT asked to read this book by anyone, I paid for it with my own money, as I do for all the books I read, all the music I listen to and the movies I watch.
December 16, 2013
Full review can be found at On Top Down Under Book Reviews.
A heartbreaking story of love, loss and sacrifice. Not all is as it appears and it takes suspension of belief in order to truly appreciate this story. I laughed. I cried. I ended it with a smile on my face.
Another great read by one of my favorite authors.
This book was provided by the publisher in exchange for a fair and honest review.
My Favorite Books of 2013
My Favorite Book Covers of 2013
A heartbreaking story of love, loss and sacrifice. Not all is as it appears and it takes suspension of belief in order to truly appreciate this story. I laughed. I cried. I ended it with a smile on my face.
Another great read by one of my favorite authors.
This book was provided by the publisher in exchange for a fair and honest review.
My Favorite Books of 2013
My Favorite Book Covers of 2013
May 24, 2013
4.5 stars.
March 26, 2013
If we lived in an era where written works were still earmarked as classics, this book would definitely be a classic. The prose is haunting, captivating, and engaging. The imagery is powerfull and the emotions are intense. I have likened it to a modern day "To Kill A Mockingbird" because Roseland just has the feel of that laid back Southern town that Atticus Finch called home. All the townfolk are just a little quirky, a little offbeat, but that's okay because they have deep bonds that weave them together and they look out for one another. The descriptions are so vivid you are drawn right into the scenes...you were in the river; when Nina heard voices, you heard voices; when Benji saw flashes of blue light, you saw flashes of blue light and yes, you feel the ever present hand on your shoulder. It's a story of sacrifice, devotion and enduring love. I just don't know when I've read a better book..."magically delicious".
April 20, 2021
i really enjoyed this book, but it made me cry.
i'm still trying to wrap my head around it. this was more than a romance novel. it was a story about the relationship between a father and son and it made me feel a lot of things that i haven't really finished processing yet.
i'm sure i'll be able to write a more concise review in a few days, but overall i did love it.
i'm still trying to wrap my head around it. this was more than a romance novel. it was a story about the relationship between a father and son and it made me feel a lot of things that i haven't really finished processing yet.
i'm sure i'll be able to write a more concise review in a few days, but overall i did love it.
June 1, 2024
A bit of a disappointment, I have to say. The storyline is interesting, and it's beautifully written (I love TJ's prose), but... it fell flat for me anyway.
I'm not sure why, probably because I'm a little bit dead inside, but I really couldn't connect to the characters. Not Benji, definitely not Calliel, and I wasn't that interested in their romance (it felt almost inconsequential at times). Now, Benji and his father were the main plot point - TJ writes grief very well so I expected waterworks and ugly sobbing. This is where my disappointment stems from and I think I can't even blame the book, I guess I just couldn't empathize that much. To make me cry, I would have to love the characters. I didn't, I didn't even really know them at all, I saw Benji grieving and drowning after his father's death... and it didn't touch me. And the way he adored his father and put him on a pedestal this much seems almost absurd to me (which is sad and cold, I guess). I tried to care, I truly did, but... 😓😓
On the other hand, I understand that writing this must have felt incredibly cathartic for TJ and that's great.
The other main reason the book left me underwhelmed was the amount of talking about faith and God. As an atheist, I can't even pretend to understand something like faith. Many passages and parts were way too preachy for my cynical self.
Oh but shoutout to Nina and Abe, those two were my favorites ❤️
I think there were also some references to TJ's other books, mainly Burn?? I haven't read it and probably won't because the series is unfinished and discontinued after just one book (that apparently ends on a cliffhanger?!) which is a shame because that was like the most interesting part of the book??? And I want more and apparently, I won't get it?? Come on!!! 😩😩
I'm not sure why, probably because I'm a little bit dead inside, but I really couldn't connect to the characters. Not Benji, definitely not Calliel, and I wasn't that interested in their romance (it felt almost inconsequential at times). Now, Benji and his father were the main plot point - TJ writes grief very well so I expected waterworks and ugly sobbing. This is where my disappointment stems from and I think I can't even blame the book, I guess I just couldn't empathize that much. To make me cry, I would have to love the characters. I didn't, I didn't even really know them at all, I saw Benji grieving and drowning after his father's death... and it didn't touch me. And the way he adored his father and put him on a pedestal this much seems almost absurd to me (which is sad and cold, I guess). I tried to care, I truly did, but... 😓😓
On the other hand, I understand that writing this must have felt incredibly cathartic for TJ and that's great.
The other main reason the book left me underwhelmed was the amount of talking about faith and God. As an atheist, I can't even pretend to understand something like faith. Many passages and parts were way too preachy for my cynical self.
Oh but shoutout to Nina and Abe, those two were my favorites ❤️
I think there were also some references to TJ's other books, mainly Burn?? I haven't read it and probably won't because the series is unfinished and discontinued after just one book (that apparently ends on a cliffhanger?!) which is a shame because that was like the most interesting part of the book??? And I want more and apparently, I won't get it?? Come on!!! 😩😩
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