The Secrets of Happily Married Women: How to Get More Out of Your Relationship by Doing Less

by Theresa Foy DiGeronimo, Theresa Foy DiGeronimo

From the authors of the best-selling The Secrets of Happily Married Men comes the much-anticipated follow-up book The Secrets of Happily Married Women . In their first book, Dr. Haltzman and his coauthor Theresa Foy DiGeronmio outlined a recipe for men about growing a happy marriage: treat marriage with the same sense of purpose, resolve, and single-minded devotion that they have for their job. Although that workplace formula works well for men, an entirely different set of criteria resonate with women. In The Secrets of Happily Married Women, Dr. Haltzman tells us stories from real women who are happy in their relationships. These women know how to get more out of their partners by doing less, by not trying so hard to make men perfect, not dragging them to couples therapy, not expecting them to think or behave like a woman. These are women from Dr. Haltzman's clinical practice and culled from thousands of contributors to his Web site . They have learned to understand how men really work and tap into men's powerful hard-wired desire to please women and "be a better man."

Genres: Marriage, Self Help, Nonfiction, Relationships, Womens

215 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2008

Reviews

[Rachel · Rating 2 out of 5]

UGH. I should have known a book with a heavily pink cover featuring a woman in pink heels *on a pedestal* would annoy me. I'm giving two points because there were certainly some solid ideas in here, but he manages to be patronizing to both men and women at once. The most annoying was the repeated "smart woman" characterization when some Happily Married Woman realized she just shouldn't try to talk to her husband when he was absorbed in something else (or similar groundbreaking realization).

Also, this is pretty victim-blamey: he insists so often that if you just do everything right as a female partner, your male partner will magically become ideal (because he's "hardwired to want to please you"). The obvious conclusion is that if he doesn't magically reform in response to your Wise Woman manoeuvers...well, that's just not possible, so you must not actually have been Smart.

If you already have a basic idea of how to be a human in a relationship (be nice; don't insist on having everything your way all the time; realize that other people aren't exactly like you; try to be clear and concise about what you want/need; try to show love to your partner in a way they get), you don't need this book. If you're genuinely, totally mystified by a man in your life who seems to be from a different planet, sure, read this, but don't say I didn't warn you that it's annoying.

I feel like I should balance things out by reading his companion book about Secrets of Happily Married Men, but I don't know that I want to put myself through that. Also, I wish I could remember where I heard about this book so I can cross anything else they recommend off my list.

[Anne Lundquist · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is a little on the light side and is very traditional (women need to get used to the idea of doing most of the housework, women who work and earn 1/3 of household income or less are happier than those who work and earn the same amount of money or more than their husbands, etc.)

Also, right in the first chapter he declares, "Men need to be right and be in control" but does not back up exactly what he means by that. The only anecdote that accompanies that statement is about a husband and wife's disagreement about which sport their son should play. The wife realized that she should give in because this was an issue her husband had extremely strong feelings about. The author's consolation to wives is that generally husbands do not care about many day-to-day household issues (ex. paint colors). Not that helpful.

There are some useful parts of the book-I liked the quiz to figure out a husband's nature and the advice in the final chapter about what gives general happiness (friends, exercise, being involved in things outside of job and home, and spirituality).

Overall his advice can be summed up with "You attract more bees with honey than vinegar" (means compliment rather than dwell on the negative), have plenty of sex and flirt, accept most of the responsibility for housework and children, talk simply and directly to one's husband, and work on your own general happiness.

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book for newly married women.

[Amina Elidrissy · Rating 3 out of 5]

i i liked it based on man woman differences

[Frances · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an interesting book for me to read, none of the women quoted have been married as long as I have. While there is some resistance in me to some of the ideas presented there is a lot of underlying truth to what is said. I am not sure his suggestions will end up in the subtitle but they may help you be happier with your relationship.

[Patricia B Porto · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very insightful and easy to follow. Everything makes total sense! I would highly recommend itv

Very good reading. I would highly recommend it. Very easy to follow and it makes total sense. I could relate and understand what he said about the differences between men and women.

[Erica · Rating 1 out of 5]

Couldn’t finish. This book dives deep into all the clichés about how men and women are different and from what I read the gist seems to be “If you act like a 1950s housewife your husband will be happy and will magically start doing things that make you happy, too.”

[Aynur Aslanova · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the first book about marriage that I read. I think it is a good start and I feel more ready to marriage.

[Ali · Rating 4 out of 5]

If this books seems simple, that's because it is!!! Men are simple creatures (in general)...they don't have too much to say and they don't dwell on things!

I appreciated the biological evidence the author highlighted to explain why men have a harder time communicating. This book just made sense to me and was a very easy read!

I will be buying my own copy to keep on the shelf to read again from time to time to help remind me of why my husband does the things he does!

I also think this is a great book for children of divorced who have never seen what a healthy, happy marriage looks like. The author talks about things that are 'normal', that I was beginning to think meant trouble...so it was quite comforting!

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this book was pretty helpful to me. A lot of it made perfect sense and really spelled out for me how to communicate better, in ways I've never read in any other book. Since reading it, I find myself thinking before I speak to my husband and considering if it's helpful or not. Is now the time to bring up that subject? And if so, how can I fraze it in a way he'll be receptive to? I also realized women talk too much and need to get to the point when talking to men, especially when I'm asking him for help. They don't need to hear the reasoning behind why you need the help, they just need to know exactly what it is you need them to do. Overall, I thought it was a good book.

[Mmars · Rating 3 out of 5]

There seemed to be less substance to this book than to the companion book with advice for husbands. I felt the author, being male, was much more insightful in his advice for husbands. The advice in this book is not bad, he dwells on two items - communication & the physical side of marriage - affection/sex/exercise. Perhaps the nature of the beast makes this a less compelling book - women naturally work harder at making a marriage work. They are generally more intuitive (as discussed in the book) and therefore know what to do. On the other hand, reading this book does make one want to work harder on the areas of a marriage that are important to most husbands, so it's worth reading.

[Jenny Taylor · Rating 3 out of 5]

Haltzman bases his theory on the biological differences between men and women. While much of his advice is solid, the writing comes off at times as chauvinistic and at times as belittling to men. Overall, it's worth a read; You're likely to find some tidbit that can be applied to your own situation.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

A down to earth view with practical tips. You can definately tell it was written by a guy, but it's engaging, entertaining and informative. Am planning on trying some of these "secrets" and see how it goes :)

[Jaime · Rating 2 out of 5]

A little cheesy, but not bad.

[Paula · Rating 4 out of 5]

Simple, clear, research-based advice on what makes men happy...and what makes us happy as wives. I really enjoyed this book!

[Maureen Jackson · Rating 1 out of 5]

Terrible book, please do not waste your time.

[Gina]

A little "lite", but interesting