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Smart But Stuck: Emotions in Teens and Adults with ADHD
Compelling stories that present a new view of ADHD Smart but Stuck offers 15 true and compelling stories about intelligent, capable teens and adults who have gotten "stuck" at school, work, and/or in social relationships because of their ADHD. Dr. Brown highlights the often unrecognized role that emotions play in this complex disorder. He explains why even very bright people with ADHD get stuck because they can focus well on some tasks that interest them, but often can't focus adequately on other important tasks and relationships. Drawing on the latest research findings, the book describes strategies and treatments for getting "unstuck" to move on to a more rewarding and productive life.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published February 1, 2013
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3040 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 95 reviews
October 8, 2017
After an evaluation by an ADHD specialist, I was diagnosed last year at the age of 33 with ADHD: Inattentive Type. Along with the shock and validation came a litany of skeptics, friends and family (and even therapists) who fail to understand that not everyone with ADHD fits the hyperactive, loud, chaotic stereotype. I have always lived in quiet chaos, hidden from the rest of the world thanks to an intelligence that allowed me to coast through high school. I didn't succeed because I could pay attention in class, I succeeded because I could do my math homework in the half hour before it was due, or read an entire book the night before and retain most of the information. People look at my academic and personal achievements, my career and my degrees and they see a very different person than the one I am inside. It's easy to blame my insecurities and feelings of failure on childhood abuse, depression, PTSD and all the other crap I've had to manage, but ADHD was the one missing piece.
It's almost impossible to find books that address Inattentive Type (non-hyperactive) in any way. Few speak about ADHD in high-achieving individuals and even fewer talk about comorbid psychological problems such as anxiety or depression. I read some of the classics, such as Driven by Distraction, and I couldn't relate much. When I read Smart But Stuck, the pieces finally clicked together. The book focuses extensively on young people with executive function problems alongside comorbid diagnoses such as depression and anxiety. The author talks at length about how emotional processing is affected by the ADHD brain, and man, could I relate to these kids. Kids who coasted through high school and hit a brick wall in college, finding their inability to function without structure had a direct exacerbating impact on their depression. I was hospitalized as an undergraduate at 19 because I couldn't stop thinking about hanging myself. I had to withdraw from school for over a year. When I said I had trouble managing my coursework and felt constantly overwhelmed, therapists said, ''Yeah, depression will do that. Yeah, you have all this trauma." Nobody, including me, ever thought to look deeper.
I have lived my entire life with executive functioning problems and the belief that my inability to keep up, or pay attention, or get my stuff together, was all a result of depression and deep character flaws. This belief was challenged when the depression entered a state of remission and I still found myself struggling every single day. Like most intelligent people with ADHD, I found ways to adapt, to fake paying attention in conversations, to use hyperfocus to its fullest advantage (I'm a novelist.) Without structure and deadlines, I am a complete mess, and I finally understand that it's not just *because* of depression -- it *causes* depression! During bouts of unemployment, my attempts to find work generally took a year or longer, which caused no small amount of conflict with my partner. I couldn't explain why the resumes weren't getting written, why the chores weren't getting done, it's like I'd wake up in the morning and blink my eyes and the day would be over, wasted in the next second.
Dr. Brown explains specifically how emotional processing in the brain is affected by ADHD. We are driven to focus not on what is most important, but on what emotionally ''hooks'' us, which is why I can look at a 20-item to-do list and have no clue how to prioritize what's on it, and then spend two hours writing a review for a book about ADHD. Speaking of writing this review... Holy crap, it's 9pm and I forgot I was in the middle of making dinner. Also, my laundry is only half-done. Some people choose not to do work... I forget to do it. My time disappears into a vortex of passionate distraction.
This book understands me, and that's the greatest gift I could have asked for when trying to make sense of my diagnosis. Other people may be skeptical, but I've finally been able to let go of the shame that has permeated every facet of my life, I've been able to find a medication that really, truly helps, and I am able to rest in a deeper and more compassionate understanding of myself than I have ever had in my life.
So if you are like me, a generally neurotic person capable of acing your classes but not finishing dinner on time, read this book, understand that you are not alone, and then go see a specialist.
It's almost impossible to find books that address Inattentive Type (non-hyperactive) in any way. Few speak about ADHD in high-achieving individuals and even fewer talk about comorbid psychological problems such as anxiety or depression. I read some of the classics, such as Driven by Distraction, and I couldn't relate much. When I read Smart But Stuck, the pieces finally clicked together. The book focuses extensively on young people with executive function problems alongside comorbid diagnoses such as depression and anxiety. The author talks at length about how emotional processing is affected by the ADHD brain, and man, could I relate to these kids. Kids who coasted through high school and hit a brick wall in college, finding their inability to function without structure had a direct exacerbating impact on their depression. I was hospitalized as an undergraduate at 19 because I couldn't stop thinking about hanging myself. I had to withdraw from school for over a year. When I said I had trouble managing my coursework and felt constantly overwhelmed, therapists said, ''Yeah, depression will do that. Yeah, you have all this trauma." Nobody, including me, ever thought to look deeper.
I have lived my entire life with executive functioning problems and the belief that my inability to keep up, or pay attention, or get my stuff together, was all a result of depression and deep character flaws. This belief was challenged when the depression entered a state of remission and I still found myself struggling every single day. Like most intelligent people with ADHD, I found ways to adapt, to fake paying attention in conversations, to use hyperfocus to its fullest advantage (I'm a novelist.) Without structure and deadlines, I am a complete mess, and I finally understand that it's not just *because* of depression -- it *causes* depression! During bouts of unemployment, my attempts to find work generally took a year or longer, which caused no small amount of conflict with my partner. I couldn't explain why the resumes weren't getting written, why the chores weren't getting done, it's like I'd wake up in the morning and blink my eyes and the day would be over, wasted in the next second.
Dr. Brown explains specifically how emotional processing in the brain is affected by ADHD. We are driven to focus not on what is most important, but on what emotionally ''hooks'' us, which is why I can look at a 20-item to-do list and have no clue how to prioritize what's on it, and then spend two hours writing a review for a book about ADHD. Speaking of writing this review... Holy crap, it's 9pm and I forgot I was in the middle of making dinner. Also, my laundry is only half-done. Some people choose not to do work... I forget to do it. My time disappears into a vortex of passionate distraction.
This book understands me, and that's the greatest gift I could have asked for when trying to make sense of my diagnosis. Other people may be skeptical, but I've finally been able to let go of the shame that has permeated every facet of my life, I've been able to find a medication that really, truly helps, and I am able to rest in a deeper and more compassionate understanding of myself than I have ever had in my life.
So if you are like me, a generally neurotic person capable of acing your classes but not finishing dinner on time, read this book, understand that you are not alone, and then go see a specialist.
October 20, 2016
It was interesting and enlightening to hear these case studies of people with ADHD.
However - the level of privilege everyone had was really distracting to me! They were all about college. Not even normal college but competitive out-of-state private colleges. Where they do that at?
There were folks who wanted to be treated by Dr. Brown but they didn't live near his office so they RENTED APARTMENTS NEAR HIS OFFICE.
What kind of world is that?
So, ya, it was Ok to listen to and I think it will increase my empathy towards people with ADHD, but it might have been nice to hear a case study of a regular (not rich) person.
However - the level of privilege everyone had was really distracting to me! They were all about college. Not even normal college but competitive out-of-state private colleges. Where they do that at?
There were folks who wanted to be treated by Dr. Brown but they didn't live near his office so they RENTED APARTMENTS NEAR HIS OFFICE.
What kind of world is that?
So, ya, it was Ok to listen to and I think it will increase my empathy towards people with ADHD, but it might have been nice to hear a case study of a regular (not rich) person.
December 31, 2016
After an introduction that explains the different facets of executive functioning and how ADHD deficits in EF may manifest themselves, this book uses case studies of teens and young adults to illustrate how even smart people can become stuck, or even fall apart completely, when those deficits keep them from meeting certain challenges of everyday life. The focus on emotion is what makes this book different from many others on the topic. All the explanations and practical tips in the world can fail to be useful to someone who is bound by shame and frustration over repeated failures to do what he/she "should" be able to.
January 23, 2019
Not as useful as I had hoped. Which is irritating because I accidentally bought two copies (welcome to my world). Although the chapter that related to my personal circumstances was affirming, I think I'm far enough along in my journey of acceptance and understanding that I didn't need this.
The thing I most remember is that in every instance it seems that he asks the subject of the chapter to move to a location near his office so he can undertake a detailed analysis and intervention. And that just seems odd, especially if you're not upper middle class and can't afford this kind of thing.
I ended up donating both copies to professional libraries as I am not thinking I need to dip back into them in the future. Which is pretty unlike me and self help/self discovery books, as I typically go back to them time and again over a period of years (if not decades).
The thing I most remember is that in every instance it seems that he asks the subject of the chapter to move to a location near his office so he can undertake a detailed analysis and intervention. And that just seems odd, especially if you're not upper middle class and can't afford this kind of thing.
I ended up donating both copies to professional libraries as I am not thinking I need to dip back into them in the future. Which is pretty unlike me and self help/self discovery books, as I typically go back to them time and again over a period of years (if not decades).
January 3, 2015
This is a great book, especially if you are trying to understand a young adult with ADHD, who is struggling with adult life after a successful childhood. Dr. Brown does not have a magic bullet answer, but does shed light on how and why very intelligent people hit a point (especially in university) when they fall apart. He also, gives examples of how he or she can, through therapy and medication, become successful (or not) in managing their ADHD.
I enjoyed how Dr. Brown illustrated his position using using case studies to illustrate how ADHD can be either missed or control when very intelligent people are younger, but become stuck when life becomes less structured.
I enjoyed how Dr. Brown illustrated his position using using case studies to illustrate how ADHD can be either missed or control when very intelligent people are younger, but become stuck when life becomes less structured.
September 9, 2019
Useful information in some of the case studies, but overall meh. Not a huge amount of variety in therapeutic approach, and I agree with the other commenters re: how bizarre it was that so often his solution was "move closer to my office/enroll in a different university nearby" when college students were struggling. Certainly seemed that most of his patients must be very well off, financially, which left me wondering how people without that kind of money are supposed to cope. But anyway. Still did have some useful info re: the many, many ways ADHD manifests.
February 6, 2024
dehbin duygularla ilişkisini anlayabilmek için oldukça iyi bir kitap olduğunu düşünüyorum. çünkü duygular dehb sürecinde dikkat ya da algıdaki problemler kadar önemli rol oynasa da genelde pek üzerlerinde durulmuyor. bu kitap tamamen buna odaklanıyor oluşuyla özellikle hiperaktivitenin olmadığı durumlarda hem teşhis hem de terapi sürecinde nasıl ilerleyeceğimize dair ışık tutuyor.
November 8, 2017
This was not as helpful as some other ADHD books I’ve read. The cases mentioned all required intensive therapy and medication. While I understand that may be required, I was looking for tools that I could use and implement in addition to medication and therapy.
July 23, 2017
This feels like a biography of my life
This was truly insightful, intelligent and compassionate. So much more than the usual bullet point issues regarding ADHD. I want everyone in my family to read this as I recognized all of them in these study cases. Myself, my mother, my father, my brother, my husband and now my two step children.
The issues regarding social anxiety was especially insightful for me as I look at my own life, and for my brother.
The hidden issues of OCD was so enlightening in regards to my husband.
Thank you so much for this.
This was truly insightful, intelligent and compassionate. So much more than the usual bullet point issues regarding ADHD. I want everyone in my family to read this as I recognized all of them in these study cases. Myself, my mother, my father, my brother, my husband and now my two step children.
The issues regarding social anxiety was especially insightful for me as I look at my own life, and for my brother.
The hidden issues of OCD was so enlightening in regards to my husband.
Thank you so much for this.
October 4, 2015
Psychiatrist shares stories about bright people who are struggling to cope with ADHD. Most of them are diagnosed as a teenager or adult, and discusses how intelligence and ADHD aren't related. These stories were very relatable and I can see some patterns I've fallen into. There are some good suggestions and I have some ideas on how to better manage my ADHD. Recommended for anyone with ADHD.
June 6, 2024
Alanında son derece açıklayıcı bir kaynak.
Kitabı bulmak zor oldu ama Dehb olan biriyle karşılaşmış ve neler olduğuna dair bir anlam verememişseniz gerçekten aydınlatıcı.
Tavsiye için sevgili "Emre"ye çok teşekkürler.
Son söz: Biz hep bir zorluk, problem, hastalık ya da belli bir tanısı olup uğraşan insanlara saygı ve anlayış göstermek üzere eğitildik. Dehb üzerine düşünüp okurken ilk kez şunu söylerken buldum kendimi: iletişimde olduğunuz insanları problemlerinizle/yaşadığınız güçlükler ya da tanılarınızla ilgili doğru bilgilendirin lütfen. Bence psikologlar ya da terapistler danışanlarını yakın ilişkilerde bu yönde bilgi vermeleri yönünde desteklemeli. Bu da bizlere saygı duymak olur.
Kitabı bulmak zor oldu ama Dehb olan biriyle karşılaşmış ve neler olduğuna dair bir anlam verememişseniz gerçekten aydınlatıcı.
Tavsiye için sevgili "Emre"ye çok teşekkürler.
Son söz: Biz hep bir zorluk, problem, hastalık ya da belli bir tanısı olup uğraşan insanlara saygı ve anlayış göstermek üzere eğitildik. Dehb üzerine düşünüp okurken ilk kez şunu söylerken buldum kendimi: iletişimde olduğunuz insanları problemlerinizle/yaşadığınız güçlükler ya da tanılarınızla ilgili doğru bilgilendirin lütfen. Bence psikologlar ya da terapistler danışanlarını yakın ilişkilerde bu yönde bilgi vermeleri yönünde desteklemeli. Bu da bizlere saygı duymak olur.
March 13, 2024
"Bu yaştan sonra DEHB de mi olacaktık?" deyip okumaya başladım. Bazı konular aşırı açıklanmış gibiydi, aynı cümleyi farklı kelime dizilimiyle tekrar tekrar okuyor gibi hissettirdi. Neredeyse tüm vakaların müthiş şekilde çözümlenmesinden de bir tık rahatsız oldum. Genel olarak sevdim ama, pek çok semptomu ve başa çıkma yöntemlerini -sağlıklı ve sağlıksız- anlamama yardımcı oldu. Ve evet, bu yaştan sonra da DEHB olabilirmişiz. :')
January 1, 2018
A book of case studies of bright individuals with ADHD, many who have a failure to launch. Interesting, as I have a bright child who very much struggles with executive function. The book helped me to think of preparations as he completes high school and enters college.
The difficult part of the book is that Brown clearly works in a wealthy area of the country, and his solutions for many of the families he works with are not attainable for the average person (such as moving to another town for therapy, or taking a gap year).
The difficult part of the book is that Brown clearly works in a wealthy area of the country, and his solutions for many of the families he works with are not attainable for the average person (such as moving to another town for therapy, or taking a gap year).
Read
April 7, 2015ADHD is not a death sentence or something to cause hopelessness in life. This is a great resource to help you reach your potential.
February 13, 2022
Smart But Stuck
By Thomas E Brown
- [ ] The first of many books about ADHD that I will read this year
- [ ] ADHD and emotions, the impacts of emotion on ADHD and executive functions
- [ ] What emotions impact my EF
- [ ] High IQ and ADHD, are severely impacted by emotions. They obsess over and can be derailed by emotions. They often can not follow their own emotions, they can properly manage their emotions, they feel emotions intensely
- [ ] Barkley believes that struggle with emotional regulation should be a diagnostic criteria, particularly in combined type
- [ ] New working definition of ADHD: a complex syndrome of developmental impairments of executive functions, the self management system of the brain, a system of mostly unconscious operations. These impairments are situational specific, chronic and significant impair the functioning of a persons daily life
- [ ] Emotions are situational. The emotional push to complete an essay with the deadline looming, activates the task initiation EF, even in the subject that does not interest the student. A breakup can derail the engaged subject because the obsession of emotions from the break up. Our actions and EF thus can be dictated by the emotions
- [ ] The feelings of pride, remorse, shame, regret, excitement, etc from the triggering and thoughts of specific memories. Memories play a significant role in our emotions and thus our EF
- [ ] Working memory is impacted and our emotions affected
- [ ] It’s not about will power but when will power is presented as a cure it exacerbates feelings of shame, guilt, frustration, etc. It appears to be will power when a person can write a great essay the night before or become immersed in a subject but then show up late to work or lose their keys. They are responding to emotion
- [ ] The delayed development of the brain, emotional and maturity
The book is divided into profiles and stories of people that have been impacted
- [ ] Context of events matters
- [ ] Many people in their early 20’s need the social context and support to manage their delayed development. It matters who you hang out with
- [ ] People with ADHD suffer higher rates of social anxiety, as many as a third
- [ ] Wow this kid sounds like me: gets too involved in a relationship. Struggles falling to sleep, can’t wake up in the morning. Is afraid to go to class because of the shame of missed assignments. Intelligent but reading and writing is difficult. Uses substances to cope. Does better when there is structure and immediate accountability
- [ ] He had the same sleep issues that I did
- [ ] The not showing up to class, being ashamed of uncompleted assignments, struggling in school, that spiral - wow that was me and I completely related. I did not know that other people shared that experience
- [ ] I don’t even know what the rest of the chapter was about but I identified
- [ ] With therapy, stimulates, and structure - this student was able to succeed
Karin
- [ ] Social anxiety, depression
- [ ] Drops classes, shows up to the building on time but too anxious to actually step inside
- [ ] Our brains can’t regulate and distinguish the big threat anxiety from the small ones. What should be small becomes big. We don’t have the space to deal with our frustrations, worries, shame, in a sensible manner. We have low emotional regulation. Our brains can’t modulate
- [ ] Our brains are flooded with intense emotions that push out other facts, events, and rationality
- [ ] Avoidance, lying, etc
- [ ] Wow this is me. Stopped going to class because they missed one and then too embarrassed to go back and unable to make the rational choice and solve the problem
- [ ] This is a powerful book, even if I miss all the details, these stories are stories about me
- [ ] Perfectionism and poor planning
- [ ] Quitting unexpectedly, avoiding difficult conversations, burning bridges because it’s easier than the conversation, poor social skills that impact others and the person, out of sight out of mind
- [ ] Being rejected at a young age impacts the future social growth of the adult. Being alone and not developing friendships, we don’t learn how to behave and have proper social skills
- [ ] Hibernation
- [ ] Immobilizing emotions
- [ ] Troubles with reading comprehension and short term memory. Rereading the same paragraph many times and not remembering it
- [ ] Low levels of estrogen can cause impairments to EF, particularly working memory, executive functioning, and processing speed. Some women develop ADHD symptoms when they experience menopause
- [ ] Mid life onset cognitive impairment
- [ ] Many people that take medication unprescribed, take it not to get high but to study and feel the actual effects
- [ ] There is little correlation between IQ and EF
- [ ] Effective dose does not have to do with age, weight, or severity of symptoms. Effective dose has to do with how sensitive the person’s body is to the medication
- [ ] Lazy looser with great potential that never got it together- wow that sounds like me
- [ ] Possible selfs - we have good and bad images and versions of ourselves. Lonely, bullied, successful, athletic, etc
- [ ] An individuals many possible selfs can be viewed as a cognitive manifestation of a person’s enduring goals, aspirations, motivations, fears, and threats. They provide the self relevant form, meaning, organization, and direction to these dynamics. They provide the essential link between the self concept and motivation.
- [ ] Gosh even writing that was evidence of what they are discussing in the book. I can have comprehension but poor short term memory and understanding, having to reread to listen to something multiple times to remember it - working memory and processing speed problems
- [ ] Illusion of transparency: the idea that people can see through you and you will be found out. Is a tendency for people to overestimate the degree to which their personal mental state is known by others
- [ ] That was 100% me at blue ridge
- [ ] I don’t want to be any of the losers in this book but I identify so hard with them, this book is telling my story
- [ ] I feel like my strong emotions are not real, they are just a silly symptom of ADHD. Everything is exaggerated and I am just a loser with fake feelings
- [ ] Lack of social awareness
- [ ] Inappropriate behavior, lack of awareness, rejection, struggle to develop friendships. They say things to be funny without realizing how others will take it or think that others will take it positive when actually it is taken negative. Their behavior can be outrageous and inappropriate, exaggerated, and out of bounds
- [ ] The person in this chapter carried Homer and Marge Simpson toys and would behave like they do. The person spent so much time alone away from peers and instead watched TV and movies that they learned behavior from entertainment, instead of peers.
- [ ] Wow, that is me. I spend all my time alone that I learn my behavior from TV and movies. I have said and behaved in ways because that is what I saw on the screen
- [ ] Autism spectrum
- [ ] Kids are rejected more frequently and quicker
- [ ] They even specifically mention summer camp, being rejected on the first day of summer camp
- [ ] Just being smart is not enough, consistent, significant effort and output is required
- [ ] Problems with work and marriage
- [ ] People with ADHD have higher levels of unemployment, financial troubles, problems at work, showing up on time, attention to detail, and struggle finding the correct work environment
- [ ] They can seem to lack empathy but that is not entirely true, they miss having the emotional flexibility to think about how their actions impact others. They can often do this is in reflection but not in the moment
- [ ] The author brings up autism and Aspergers often. He claims that there can be over lapping symptoms and can show those tendencies
- [ ] They struggle in marriage and relationships. Their partners have described them as; lacking empathy, inattentive, disorganized, bad with money, lacking emotion, emotionally unregulated
- [ ] a slew of others things that were tough to hear but have been said to me
- [ ] Again this chapter is speaking to me. I have struggled with jobs and I have struggled in relationships in many of the same ways as this person. Although in my defense I have put significant effort into being a good partner, I do chores, I am good with money, I am medicated, and I try my best to limit the impact I have on my partner
- [ ] A study of adults with ADHD in their 30’s found that less than 40% had lived with a partner. Many were delayed in this category and were only starting to be ready to date or being in relationships, in their 30’s
- [ ] I am not afraid that I will not be loved, I am afraid that I can’t love others
- [ ] I need to reread this chapter and this book
- [ ] I find that this book in similar to other ADHD books, where extreme examples are used and it causes me anxiety. I have severe ADHD but these stories can be overwhelming. I will relate to the first half and then will find out the person is a hoarder or doesn’t pay their taxes or something else. Reminder that I can’t read ADHD/addiction books back to back and to focus on the solution
- [ ] Obsessive thinking - the chapter on PTSD
- [ ] ’No particular form of adversity worsens ADHD, but the cumulative subjective weight of multiple stressors is likely to cause significant exacerbation of ADHD impairments in adults’
- [ ] ‘Severity of ADHD inattention and/or hyperactivity independent of cooccurring disorders was associated with negative life events; breakup/divorce, getting fired, major change in financial status or living conditions.’
- [ ] ‘Have especially hard time coping with loose and stress because they have greater difficulty in modulating and coping with intense emotions. As a result their painful life events tend to become more intense and more disruptive, than many others in similar circumstances’
- [ ] ‘Those with ADHD tend to get stuck in single minded worry and pain’ - impairments of working memory, make it hard to modulate and keep in mind positive thoughts
- [ ] ‘These events are intensified and prolonged by the difficulty of modulating emotional reactions, tending to get totally immersed in the emotion currently effecting them and by a weak capacity to keep in mind other facts and feelings that might help to attenuate their current emotional state. Many suffer from attentional biases, a tendency to tilt and recall their memories to similar times when they felt and experienced, similar feelings of sadness, frustration and rejection’
- [ ] Geez, this chapter hits me how I responded to everything the past year and half. I don’t have PTSD, I have ADHD. I obsessed, got derailed, threw out everything that I was and let a break up and subsequent lose of job define my entire life and destroy me
- [ ] I need to get my ADHD treated
- [ ] Problems with written expression are very common in people with ADHD
- [ ] Written expression learning disorder
- [ ] Impacts of impaired written expression on executive function
- [ ] Realistic hope: it is not BS, fluffy flowers, you can do anything you put your mind to. It is realistic about the challenges and pit falls. Some people will need medication, adjust the career they are pursuing, get accommodations, or other assistance. But hope is an essential part of recovery and treatment. It recognizes the strengths and obstacles while working to making it better
- [ ] Recognizes and sustains awareness of potential constrains and obstacles, while working to help the person develop ways to cope with their life situation as it really is and work to make it better
- [ ] Three steps:
- [ ] Evaluation and thorough explanation by a expert clinician. Need to include substance use, IQ test, strengths/weaknesses, feedback from friends/family/teachers/coworkers, and range of impact and behaviors in all areas of life. Should be followed by science based education
- [ ] Consider options for treatment and/or accommodations
- [ ] Psychotherapy and support
- [ ] Treatment is not an escalator always going up. There are stumbles and valleys. It gets better and then it hurts. The person and team have to be ready for this, develop the ability to see past the mistakes and stumbles, see the larger road and the improvements
- [ ] I don’t see this, all I see are the stumbles
- [ ] More intense and longer treatments helped many of his patients
- [ ] Ends with a series of questions about each chapter
- [ ] ADHD is not about will power, it is about the brain. I need to remind myself of that. It will not be overcome with substantial and appropriate support and treatment
- [ ] This was a powerful book that hit me deeply. It did not make me feel like there was a solution or that I learned significantly new things. I felt like I am not alone and that there are people like me
- [ ] I want to be one of the success stories and not a looser that collapses under the weight of ADHD. There is hope and I can get better, I am ready to do the work
- [ ] I am glad that I read this book at the one year of being fired. This book made me feel heard and gave me hope of recovery
By Thomas E Brown
- [ ] The first of many books about ADHD that I will read this year
- [ ] ADHD and emotions, the impacts of emotion on ADHD and executive functions
- [ ] What emotions impact my EF
- [ ] High IQ and ADHD, are severely impacted by emotions. They obsess over and can be derailed by emotions. They often can not follow their own emotions, they can properly manage their emotions, they feel emotions intensely
- [ ] Barkley believes that struggle with emotional regulation should be a diagnostic criteria, particularly in combined type
- [ ] New working definition of ADHD: a complex syndrome of developmental impairments of executive functions, the self management system of the brain, a system of mostly unconscious operations. These impairments are situational specific, chronic and significant impair the functioning of a persons daily life
- [ ] Emotions are situational. The emotional push to complete an essay with the deadline looming, activates the task initiation EF, even in the subject that does not interest the student. A breakup can derail the engaged subject because the obsession of emotions from the break up. Our actions and EF thus can be dictated by the emotions
- [ ] The feelings of pride, remorse, shame, regret, excitement, etc from the triggering and thoughts of specific memories. Memories play a significant role in our emotions and thus our EF
- [ ] Working memory is impacted and our emotions affected
- [ ] It’s not about will power but when will power is presented as a cure it exacerbates feelings of shame, guilt, frustration, etc. It appears to be will power when a person can write a great essay the night before or become immersed in a subject but then show up late to work or lose their keys. They are responding to emotion
- [ ] The delayed development of the brain, emotional and maturity
The book is divided into profiles and stories of people that have been impacted
- [ ] Context of events matters
- [ ] Many people in their early 20’s need the social context and support to manage their delayed development. It matters who you hang out with
- [ ] People with ADHD suffer higher rates of social anxiety, as many as a third
- [ ] Wow this kid sounds like me: gets too involved in a relationship. Struggles falling to sleep, can’t wake up in the morning. Is afraid to go to class because of the shame of missed assignments. Intelligent but reading and writing is difficult. Uses substances to cope. Does better when there is structure and immediate accountability
- [ ] He had the same sleep issues that I did
- [ ] The not showing up to class, being ashamed of uncompleted assignments, struggling in school, that spiral - wow that was me and I completely related. I did not know that other people shared that experience
- [ ] I don’t even know what the rest of the chapter was about but I identified
- [ ] With therapy, stimulates, and structure - this student was able to succeed
Karin
- [ ] Social anxiety, depression
- [ ] Drops classes, shows up to the building on time but too anxious to actually step inside
- [ ] Our brains can’t regulate and distinguish the big threat anxiety from the small ones. What should be small becomes big. We don’t have the space to deal with our frustrations, worries, shame, in a sensible manner. We have low emotional regulation. Our brains can’t modulate
- [ ] Our brains are flooded with intense emotions that push out other facts, events, and rationality
- [ ] Avoidance, lying, etc
- [ ] Wow this is me. Stopped going to class because they missed one and then too embarrassed to go back and unable to make the rational choice and solve the problem
- [ ] This is a powerful book, even if I miss all the details, these stories are stories about me
- [ ] Perfectionism and poor planning
- [ ] Quitting unexpectedly, avoiding difficult conversations, burning bridges because it’s easier than the conversation, poor social skills that impact others and the person, out of sight out of mind
- [ ] Being rejected at a young age impacts the future social growth of the adult. Being alone and not developing friendships, we don’t learn how to behave and have proper social skills
- [ ] Hibernation
- [ ] Immobilizing emotions
- [ ] Troubles with reading comprehension and short term memory. Rereading the same paragraph many times and not remembering it
- [ ] Low levels of estrogen can cause impairments to EF, particularly working memory, executive functioning, and processing speed. Some women develop ADHD symptoms when they experience menopause
- [ ] Mid life onset cognitive impairment
- [ ] Many people that take medication unprescribed, take it not to get high but to study and feel the actual effects
- [ ] There is little correlation between IQ and EF
- [ ] Effective dose does not have to do with age, weight, or severity of symptoms. Effective dose has to do with how sensitive the person’s body is to the medication
- [ ] Lazy looser with great potential that never got it together- wow that sounds like me
- [ ] Possible selfs - we have good and bad images and versions of ourselves. Lonely, bullied, successful, athletic, etc
- [ ] An individuals many possible selfs can be viewed as a cognitive manifestation of a person’s enduring goals, aspirations, motivations, fears, and threats. They provide the self relevant form, meaning, organization, and direction to these dynamics. They provide the essential link between the self concept and motivation.
- [ ] Gosh even writing that was evidence of what they are discussing in the book. I can have comprehension but poor short term memory and understanding, having to reread to listen to something multiple times to remember it - working memory and processing speed problems
- [ ] Illusion of transparency: the idea that people can see through you and you will be found out. Is a tendency for people to overestimate the degree to which their personal mental state is known by others
- [ ] That was 100% me at blue ridge
- [ ] I don’t want to be any of the losers in this book but I identify so hard with them, this book is telling my story
- [ ] I feel like my strong emotions are not real, they are just a silly symptom of ADHD. Everything is exaggerated and I am just a loser with fake feelings
- [ ] Lack of social awareness
- [ ] Inappropriate behavior, lack of awareness, rejection, struggle to develop friendships. They say things to be funny without realizing how others will take it or think that others will take it positive when actually it is taken negative. Their behavior can be outrageous and inappropriate, exaggerated, and out of bounds
- [ ] The person in this chapter carried Homer and Marge Simpson toys and would behave like they do. The person spent so much time alone away from peers and instead watched TV and movies that they learned behavior from entertainment, instead of peers.
- [ ] Wow, that is me. I spend all my time alone that I learn my behavior from TV and movies. I have said and behaved in ways because that is what I saw on the screen
- [ ] Autism spectrum
- [ ] Kids are rejected more frequently and quicker
- [ ] They even specifically mention summer camp, being rejected on the first day of summer camp
- [ ] Just being smart is not enough, consistent, significant effort and output is required
- [ ] Problems with work and marriage
- [ ] People with ADHD have higher levels of unemployment, financial troubles, problems at work, showing up on time, attention to detail, and struggle finding the correct work environment
- [ ] They can seem to lack empathy but that is not entirely true, they miss having the emotional flexibility to think about how their actions impact others. They can often do this is in reflection but not in the moment
- [ ] The author brings up autism and Aspergers often. He claims that there can be over lapping symptoms and can show those tendencies
- [ ] They struggle in marriage and relationships. Their partners have described them as; lacking empathy, inattentive, disorganized, bad with money, lacking emotion, emotionally unregulated
- [ ] a slew of others things that were tough to hear but have been said to me
- [ ] Again this chapter is speaking to me. I have struggled with jobs and I have struggled in relationships in many of the same ways as this person. Although in my defense I have put significant effort into being a good partner, I do chores, I am good with money, I am medicated, and I try my best to limit the impact I have on my partner
- [ ] A study of adults with ADHD in their 30’s found that less than 40% had lived with a partner. Many were delayed in this category and were only starting to be ready to date or being in relationships, in their 30’s
- [ ] I am not afraid that I will not be loved, I am afraid that I can’t love others
- [ ] I need to reread this chapter and this book
- [ ] I find that this book in similar to other ADHD books, where extreme examples are used and it causes me anxiety. I have severe ADHD but these stories can be overwhelming. I will relate to the first half and then will find out the person is a hoarder or doesn’t pay their taxes or something else. Reminder that I can’t read ADHD/addiction books back to back and to focus on the solution
- [ ] Obsessive thinking - the chapter on PTSD
- [ ] ’No particular form of adversity worsens ADHD, but the cumulative subjective weight of multiple stressors is likely to cause significant exacerbation of ADHD impairments in adults’
- [ ] ‘Severity of ADHD inattention and/or hyperactivity independent of cooccurring disorders was associated with negative life events; breakup/divorce, getting fired, major change in financial status or living conditions.’
- [ ] ‘Have especially hard time coping with loose and stress because they have greater difficulty in modulating and coping with intense emotions. As a result their painful life events tend to become more intense and more disruptive, than many others in similar circumstances’
- [ ] ‘Those with ADHD tend to get stuck in single minded worry and pain’ - impairments of working memory, make it hard to modulate and keep in mind positive thoughts
- [ ] ‘These events are intensified and prolonged by the difficulty of modulating emotional reactions, tending to get totally immersed in the emotion currently effecting them and by a weak capacity to keep in mind other facts and feelings that might help to attenuate their current emotional state. Many suffer from attentional biases, a tendency to tilt and recall their memories to similar times when they felt and experienced, similar feelings of sadness, frustration and rejection’
- [ ] Geez, this chapter hits me how I responded to everything the past year and half. I don’t have PTSD, I have ADHD. I obsessed, got derailed, threw out everything that I was and let a break up and subsequent lose of job define my entire life and destroy me
- [ ] I need to get my ADHD treated
- [ ] Problems with written expression are very common in people with ADHD
- [ ] Written expression learning disorder
- [ ] Impacts of impaired written expression on executive function
- [ ] Realistic hope: it is not BS, fluffy flowers, you can do anything you put your mind to. It is realistic about the challenges and pit falls. Some people will need medication, adjust the career they are pursuing, get accommodations, or other assistance. But hope is an essential part of recovery and treatment. It recognizes the strengths and obstacles while working to making it better
- [ ] Recognizes and sustains awareness of potential constrains and obstacles, while working to help the person develop ways to cope with their life situation as it really is and work to make it better
- [ ] Three steps:
- [ ] Evaluation and thorough explanation by a expert clinician. Need to include substance use, IQ test, strengths/weaknesses, feedback from friends/family/teachers/coworkers, and range of impact and behaviors in all areas of life. Should be followed by science based education
- [ ] Consider options for treatment and/or accommodations
- [ ] Psychotherapy and support
- [ ] Treatment is not an escalator always going up. There are stumbles and valleys. It gets better and then it hurts. The person and team have to be ready for this, develop the ability to see past the mistakes and stumbles, see the larger road and the improvements
- [ ] I don’t see this, all I see are the stumbles
- [ ] More intense and longer treatments helped many of his patients
- [ ] Ends with a series of questions about each chapter
- [ ] ADHD is not about will power, it is about the brain. I need to remind myself of that. It will not be overcome with substantial and appropriate support and treatment
- [ ] This was a powerful book that hit me deeply. It did not make me feel like there was a solution or that I learned significantly new things. I felt like I am not alone and that there are people like me
- [ ] I want to be one of the success stories and not a looser that collapses under the weight of ADHD. There is hope and I can get better, I am ready to do the work
- [ ] I am glad that I read this book at the one year of being fired. This book made me feel heard and gave me hope of recovery
June 16, 2019
Introduced me to new concepts of emotions and how they work in the brain, incredibly helpful for me and my family. The case studies seem repetitive at first but each introduce different facets of ADHD challenges, from anxiety to hoarding and OCD. “Emotions don’t exist as independent abstract entities; they are always embedded in perceptions, thoughts, sensations, images, or imaginings as assessed by a given individual in a particular context at a particular moment in time.” (P23) “Blaming the Victim: Failure to understand this basic fact about ADHD—that it appears to be a lack of willpower, when it is not—commonly leads to a blaming of the victim. This manifests both in self-blaming by those with ADHD and in the many subtle or not-so-subtle reactions of family members, teachers, friends, or employers.” (P41) This recalled and reinforced my “aha moment” of how ADHD’s symptoms are seen as moral problems (and are not!) from the first chapter of “Delivered from Distraction.”
January 4, 2022
Highlights the centrality of emotions in executive functions / adhd symptoms
December 20, 2016
I was expecting something different. Sort of how does the nervous system sensitization (like the one described by Dr. Elaine Aron in her "Highly Sensitive Person") relate to the ADD. Whether there is a connection, and if yes, whether it's bidirectional? The word "emotions" in title tempted me to read the book, but what I got was only a general well-known knowledge on ADD, mixed with different stories about people having the disorder: nothing new.
I have a strong feeling that those two are extremely related at least for the fraction of ADD-ers. And yes, also for me (having ADD-PI/ SCT). When exposed to emotions (from excitement to worry/ frustration) I have really intense bodily sensations. So strong that I experience something like stupor, loss of consciousness, shock. Guess what? Those are really distracting.
The question is whether the nervous system sensitization (e.g. experiencing strong emotions) is just a manifestation of ADD on the "emotional layer", the direct perception of the person having the disorder? Or maybe vice versa? Or maybe those are generally unrelated (I can imagine untrained people who have strong emotions, but no problems with concentration).
In case the correlation is positive, the next question arises: can a proper emotion management really cure the ADD symptoms? What if I constantly try my best not to lose consciousness when exposed to strong emotions/ sensations? Will this lower my sensitivity threshold and at the same time improve my ADD problems? Definitely going to try.
And finally, is there a correlation between the level of sensitization to allergens and nervous system sensitivity? Why do some studies suggest that allergic people are more likely to have ADD? What's the mechanism behind this correlation? (It can turn out that simply lack of proper amounts of oxygen is the cause, in case of allergic rhinitis). Can I fix allergies again by exposing and consciously dealing with stressful situations?
Again, although not on a topic I'd expected, the book was pretty good.
P.S. Hate the fact that in my country ADD medications are banned. That's a shame...
I have a strong feeling that those two are extremely related at least for the fraction of ADD-ers. And yes, also for me (having ADD-PI/ SCT). When exposed to emotions (from excitement to worry/ frustration) I have really intense bodily sensations. So strong that I experience something like stupor, loss of consciousness, shock. Guess what? Those are really distracting.
The question is whether the nervous system sensitization (e.g. experiencing strong emotions) is just a manifestation of ADD on the "emotional layer", the direct perception of the person having the disorder? Or maybe vice versa? Or maybe those are generally unrelated (I can imagine untrained people who have strong emotions, but no problems with concentration).
In case the correlation is positive, the next question arises: can a proper emotion management really cure the ADD symptoms? What if I constantly try my best not to lose consciousness when exposed to strong emotions/ sensations? Will this lower my sensitivity threshold and at the same time improve my ADD problems? Definitely going to try.
And finally, is there a correlation between the level of sensitization to allergens and nervous system sensitivity? Why do some studies suggest that allergic people are more likely to have ADD? What's the mechanism behind this correlation? (It can turn out that simply lack of proper amounts of oxygen is the cause, in case of allergic rhinitis). Can I fix allergies again by exposing and consciously dealing with stressful situations?
Again, although not on a topic I'd expected, the book was pretty good.
P.S. Hate the fact that in my country ADD medications are banned. That's a shame...
February 25, 2024
3.5, maybe. Listened to the audiobook verion - honestly don't think I'd have gotten through it if I'd tried reading it. It starts feeling pretty repetitive by the time you reach the end. Anyway.
This isn't a book I would recommend if you're looking for solutions. Rather I'd suggest reading it to find relatability and validation. As someone who was diagnosed somewhat late and never fit the Hyperactive Little Boy image that most associate with ADHD, I have sometimes felt like an imposter; I can't possibly have ADHD! I'm just lazy and looking for excuses! Well. After reading this book, I think I can say that "smart but stuck" is pretty much the story of my life. I could see myself in many of the cases shared by Dr. Brown as he demonstrated the varied ways that ADHD can manifest and become unmanageable later in life, no matter how smart you are.
I appreciate that this book makes a point of acknowledging the complexity of ADHD and how it is more often than not accompanied by other diagnoses and emotional problems. Emotional dysregulation is something I struggle with, and I frequently feel like I'm out of touch in this way - not feeling enough, feeling too much, feeling the wrong thing, etc. I recognize the shame of being unable to keep up, the fear of disappointing the people who expect so much of you, the frustration of knowing that you're capable but for some reason can't get yourself started.
Useful as it was in helping me recognize some of my own symptoms and behaviours, I don't think there's a whole lot the average person can take away from this book in terms of actionable advice. It was a bit odd and unreasonable, in my opinion, that the treatment for most of the patients involved moving close to Dr. Brown's office and switching schools. How many people can just pick up their lives like that? The people who have the resources to be seeking intensive ADHD treatment in the first place, I guess?
Overall... interesting enough to be worth the listen, but not the kind of book that's going to change anyone's life.
This isn't a book I would recommend if you're looking for solutions. Rather I'd suggest reading it to find relatability and validation. As someone who was diagnosed somewhat late and never fit the Hyperactive Little Boy image that most associate with ADHD, I have sometimes felt like an imposter; I can't possibly have ADHD! I'm just lazy and looking for excuses! Well. After reading this book, I think I can say that "smart but stuck" is pretty much the story of my life. I could see myself in many of the cases shared by Dr. Brown as he demonstrated the varied ways that ADHD can manifest and become unmanageable later in life, no matter how smart you are.
I appreciate that this book makes a point of acknowledging the complexity of ADHD and how it is more often than not accompanied by other diagnoses and emotional problems. Emotional dysregulation is something I struggle with, and I frequently feel like I'm out of touch in this way - not feeling enough, feeling too much, feeling the wrong thing, etc. I recognize the shame of being unable to keep up, the fear of disappointing the people who expect so much of you, the frustration of knowing that you're capable but for some reason can't get yourself started.
Useful as it was in helping me recognize some of my own symptoms and behaviours, I don't think there's a whole lot the average person can take away from this book in terms of actionable advice. It was a bit odd and unreasonable, in my opinion, that the treatment for most of the patients involved moving close to Dr. Brown's office and switching schools. How many people can just pick up their lives like that? The people who have the resources to be seeking intensive ADHD treatment in the first place, I guess?
Overall... interesting enough to be worth the listen, but not the kind of book that's going to change anyone's life.
July 16, 2025
This started out strong and relatable (to me at least), but quickly got rather repetitive and excessively detailed about the patient's lives and experiences but in ways that often weren't directly relevant to ADHD. For example, there was a lot of detail about difficulties with a parent's degenerative disease, divorce, or specific details about colleague's deaths, which would likely cause challenges for anyone regardless of neurodivergence. It's almost like the case studies were deliberately more extreme but I found this made them less relatable to the average person with ADHD with general struggles of time management, executive dysfunction, failure to achieve, etc.
I did find out several interesting things about the link between ADHD and extreme emotions though, such as my own experiences with social anxiety and shame from a minor class failure causing avoidance of returning to the class, leading to a downward spiral.
However almost all of the case studies are college studies with significant wealth, families who are able to pay for university courses and student lifestyles, even where the students weren't attending or were making other expensive life choices like drug use and excessive spending. There was also a lot about comorbitities like OCD, depression, ASD, and hoarding but this felt rather tangential.
Lastly, I felt this was a bit outdated. Clearly a lot of development has happened in the field - it's no longer politically correct to use the term "Asperger's", for example, and no mention of Rejection Sensitivity Disorder despite numerous individuals clearly suffering from it (though Google suggests that was a term coined 3 years after this book was published so understandable, but it does make the book feel extraneous).
I did find out several interesting things about the link between ADHD and extreme emotions though, such as my own experiences with social anxiety and shame from a minor class failure causing avoidance of returning to the class, leading to a downward spiral.
However almost all of the case studies are college studies with significant wealth, families who are able to pay for university courses and student lifestyles, even where the students weren't attending or were making other expensive life choices like drug use and excessive spending. There was also a lot about comorbitities like OCD, depression, ASD, and hoarding but this felt rather tangential.
Lastly, I felt this was a bit outdated. Clearly a lot of development has happened in the field - it's no longer politically correct to use the term "Asperger's", for example, and no mention of Rejection Sensitivity Disorder despite numerous individuals clearly suffering from it (though Google suggests that was a term coined 3 years after this book was published so understandable, but it does make the book feel extraneous).
August 12, 2021
A very good perspective on an underappreciated side of ADHD, and while I did find it informative and enlightening (and in some parts even relatable!), the case studies on display here really highlight how inaccessible proper treatment is for most people. This is not necessarily meant as an indictment on the book (although in a way, it is), but as broader commentary. Anecdotally, in this very book, the person with the (arguably) worst outcome was the person whose insurance stopped covering their treatment. The unspoken but seemingly omnipresent in a lot of this sort book on psychology and treatment, is that if you're unable to get proper treatment, you're doomed.
May 2, 2017
Interesting book that features a series of vignettes about people with ADHD (and other mental health problems). A huge strength of this book is how it clearly identifies how emotions are impacted by ADHD in a way that I have not seen discussed in any other books about ADHD. This book is probably most appropriate for clinicians who are new to learning about ADHD and will appeal less to clients or other lay people.
March 6, 2018
Boring and dry. Does not seem to be written for the ADHD person but rather family of the person or other professionals. Possibly even a group required read. It’s good to know smart people can have adhd. It helped me let go of my anger of being left undiagnosed for decades. The emotions angle was kinda neat. But it still felt focused around limits and negativities rather than the good aspects of adhd. I am not a disorder.
February 4, 2018
İts obvious that this book is sponsored by pharmaceutical companies.Its a wrong guidance for people that deals with DEHB in a serious way because its showing us without medicals we cant overcome these problems.
January 25, 2019
The first chapter was amazing. Lots of new information on emotions and ADD, this book describes me.
Wasn’t as impressed with the rest of the book, case studies etc. Lots of behaviors are excused by ADD.
Wasn’t as impressed with the rest of the book, case studies etc. Lots of behaviors are excused by ADD.
August 28, 2015
Has a really good explanation of working memory and how it impacts emotions in people with ADHD. Very enlightening.
September 7, 2015
This book has some very important insights into living with ADHD and I found it very helpful.
October 19, 2017
Describes various individual experiences with ADHD. Good content but best to skim for relevant chapters.
June 29, 2022
I’m currently dealing with emotional problems related to my ADHD and this book has been very helpful. Especially seeing situations people were and solutions that were helpful.
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