A Holy Vision for Family Life

Building a Godly Home #1

by William Gouge

For years, William Gouge's Domestical Duties has stood as the foremost Puritan treatment of Christian family life. Yet due to its size and antiquated expression, it has become almost unknown among current generations of believers. To help revive the usefulness of this classic book, Scott Brown and Joel R. Beeke divided Gouge s work into three manageable volumes, updated the language to modern standards, and have given it the title Building a Godly Home . In the first volume, A Holy Vision for Family Life , we hear the voice of a wise and loving mentor, calling us to the old paths laid out for the family in the Bible. Here is Gouge's helpful exposition of Ephesians 5:21-6:4, where he lays out the wife's voluntary submission to her husband, the husband s sacrificial love for his wife, the child s obedient honoring of parents, and the parents nurturing leadership of their children. Reading it is like sitting down to coffee with a gentle grandfather and wise pastor. Come and allow your family to benefit from such wise counsel. Table of
1. Serving Each Other in the Fear of the Lord
2. Particular Callings and the Wife's Submission
3. Headship in Marriage and the Church
4. Husbands and the Love of Christ
5. Love That Purifies the Unclean
6. Redeemed for Glory
7. Marital Love and Self-Love
8. Christ's Union with His Beloved
9. The Ancient Law and Unique Bond of Marriage
10. The Mystery and Practice of Marriage
11. The Child's Duties to His Parents
12. The Parents Duty towards Their Children

Genres: Family, Parenting, Marriage, Theology, Christianity, Nonfiction, Christian

200 pages, Hardcover

First published February 19, 2013

About the author

William Gouge (1575-1653) was born in Stratford-Bow Middlesex County, England. Educated in Paul's School, London, Felstad in Essex, and at Eton School. He graduated from King's College, Cambridge, followed by a brilliant teaching career there. Following his ordination at 32 years of age, he ministered at Blackfriars Church, London for 45 years. In addition to his great success as a pastor, his mid-week expository lectures at Blackfriars drew increasingly larger crowds. Spirituality and scholarship made his career at Cambridge, his pastoral work and his writings unique. He was renowned as "the father of the London Divines and the oracle of his time." In 1643 he was made a member of the Westminster Assembly of Divines by vote of Parliament. His primary works include his Commentary on Hebrews, The Whole Armour of God, and Of Domestical Duties.

Reviews

[Heather Gorsett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent! Don’t let the 90’s stock photos on the cover fool you; you cannot judge this book by its cover. How did this book disappear so long in church history to be replaced by our current modern evangelical notions of family, marriage, and parenting - ay yai yai, my head is spinning. Needless to say, this whole book was a breath of fresh air. I can’t wait to dig into the next two books focusing on marriage and parenting.

[Elijah Sabbagh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gouge’s truly showed a vision for family life that is holy through a commentary on Ephesians 5:21-6:4. The way he describes the duties of a husband, father, wife, mother, and children, was clear and encouraging. This book really helped me understand the true weight of being a husband and a father. I would recommend this book to any Christian man (it would certainly benefit women as well). The most memorable quote from this book (referencing Ephesians 5:33) —

“It is more acceptable before God and more commendable before men to do duty than to demand duty… In particular it is better for a husband to be a good husband than to have a good wife; likewise for a wife… To have others fail in duty to us may be a heavy cross; for us to fail in our duty to others is a fearful curse.”

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

The wonderful elucidation of so many biblical principles in this book makes it difficult for me to rate it lower than five stars. The beauty and glory of God is on His people when they rejoice to keep His law and order in the home and family. William Gouge demonstrates this in so many ways through simple but thorough exegesis of scripture. Even so, in a few points, he allowed the principles of man to creep into his interpretation of scripture, and this was disappointing for me. The most grievous of these was his perspective on the reason God requires right subordination and submission from wives towards their husbands. While there can be no doubt from a plain reading of scripture that God’s family order calls for submission by wives to their husbands, Gouge adds the following reason for submission required by God:

“Commonly, those younger in age, weaker in sex, poorer in estate, more ignorant in understanding, and the like, are in places of subjection; the elder, stronger, wealthier, wiser, and such like persons, are for the most part, or at least should be, in places of authority.”

This philosophy is most erring in that it gives man's merit as a reason for the rendering of honor, as if any man was worthy of honor at all by virtue of his own acts or human position. Scripture is clear...men are all before God unworthy. Delegated human authority is only sanctioned by the worthiness of Christ to receive all glory and honor. It is an evolutionary philosophy born out of the enlightenment which identifies women commonly as less intelligent, poorer or more ignorant in understanding and therefore less worthy of authority. Even were this true of some women, as it well may be, scripture never gives this as the reason for their submission to their husbands and therefore neither should we. What other reason than the established law-word of God do we need for the right obedience of wives to husbands?

Further than that, this errant view can give way to destructive practices in relationships within an authority structure, hindering effective dominion work in marriages and thereby denying God His rightful fruit from the lives of His people, as it has in the past and will continue to so long as mankind raises his own righteousness and intellectual reasoning above the most worthy and righteous rule of Christ. The beauty of marriage is not in the progressive placement of strength and intellect from man's perspective, but in the harmonious ordering of gifts from God’s perspective. The glory of God is manifest to the world when a wife brings all she has from her heavenly Father and earthly home of wealth, intellect, wisdom and feminine strength and puts it freely and completely at the disposal of her husband to aid and raise him to better and higher works of dominion through her self-sacrifice.

As the bride of Christ, the church cannot be too careful to eschew the appearance of any false ideologies. All that being said, this book is comprehensively beautiful and helpful in many ways. Of course my own scrutiny cannot be free of error and I am conscious of my unworthiness to unequivocally or even partially condemn a work beyond my abilities. Still, I presume to heartily agree with much of it, even while I cannot recommend it wholly without reservation.

[Aaron Shafovaloff · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gouge spends much time exegeting Ephesians 5 and doing groundwork for his later material (partitioned in volumes by Beeke).

An important work for complementarians (or whatever strengthened term you prefer) who want to do theology while in conversation with trusted historical Christianity. Who want “retrieval” of more than just classical trinitarianism.

An excellent antidote not only to feminism, but also to modern evangelicalism’s “thin complementarianism.”

It’s refreshing to read Gouge write straightforwardly — he isn’t in a reactionary mode against modern feminism and doesn’t suffer from 20th century trinitarian drift (EFS).

This book works well for a men’s discipleship group.

[Lydia Bethay · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a 10. I wish I could give it more than 5 stars. Gouge had such a deep understanding of the gospel and how it applies to every facet of our lives/family life. This would be a great book for any Christian in any walk of life.

Some golden quotes:

“Our love of Christ is evidence that we are loved by Christ, as smoke is a sign of fire.”

“Let us, in imitation of our Head, do the things that we are called to willingly and cheerfully, though they seem so disgraceful to the world, or grievous to our weak flesh.”

“Christ so carried Himself towards her [The Church] that He made her worthy of much love.”

“God, in wisdom knowing what is best for them, accordingly deals with them by giving prosperity to them so far as He sees it will turn to their good, and denies it to them so far as He sees it will turn to their hurt. Whenever therefore God gives any temporal blessing to His saints, it is a sign of His favor, and whenever He denies any, the very denial is also a fruit of His favor.”

[Kofi Opoku · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good stuff. His approach to discussing marriage is very theological, which is rare in our day.

[Josh Shands · Rating 4 out of 5]

From a reformed Presbyterian perspective, certainly checks out with what the Westminster Standards teach. But then again, this is one of the people who helped write it, so it’d be weird if they didn’t. All in all, Gouge does well to help you comprehend responsibilities of a husband, wife, and children; Christians overall too.

“Husbands must come as near as they can to Christ in loving their wives. Because they can never love so much as Christ did, they must never think they have loved enough.”

There was one moment where he mentions that love deserves love. I’m not entirely certain I’m on board with him though. Maybe I’m misunderstanding him. To say that is to say I deserve someone to love me if I love them. Personally, I think we can’t expect or demand someone to love us, they just do or don’t. Yes, I’d say God deserves our love, but that’s for another discussion. But with that, I don’t think it’s an A=B, therefore B=A. “Our love of Christ is evidence that we are loved by Christ, as smoke is a sign of fire” is his following statement though, which that I do get. But then we have to acknowledge the difference between the two that one is the result of another.

“Much more heinous is the transgression of those who live under the gospel…and yet are careless in coming to it, or in attending unto it, and so remain as ignorant as if they lived in places where the Word is not preached at all, or in an unknown tongue.” Gouge shows he’s someone who cares for the hearts of those who profess Christianity and I think the myriad of quotes in the book (such as this one) show that to be true. He’s similar to Bunyan in that you can’t prick him without Gouge bleeding scripture.

If you’re looking for a book that expounds on the Gospel and how it pertains to the family, but from a reformed Presbyterian perspective, this would be it.

…hearth count: 0

[Adam Z · Rating 3 out of 5]

In A Holy Vision for Family Life, Scott Brown and Joel Beeke have semi-modernized William Gouge's Domestical Duties , which was first published in 1622. It appears to me that the updating is largely related to the replacement of antiquated words/phrases. In many ways this still reads like something a written a couple centuries ago.

This wasn't exactly what I thought it would be. I was expecting a bit more practical application, but I understand that will come in volumes 2 and 3 of this series. Instead, this volume is basically an in-depth exposition of Ephesians 5:21 to 6:4, and it is as much a theology book as it is a guide to family life. At times I found it to be a difficult read, but taking it slowly, I made it through - and I'm glad I did. There's some real wisdom to be found here.

[Brandon · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love the puritans because they wrote not to meet market demands. Rather, they wrote practically to meet the actual needs of their congregations. I skimmed a bit through this work pulling out the portions most needed. While this work is about building a Christian household, it is largely an exposition of Christ and his love for the church.

[Dan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Puritan exposition on Eph 5-6 as it relates to building a family on Christ. Probably in the top 2-3 marriage/parenting books I've read. I'll be coming back to this often.

[Peter Jones · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the first of three volumes on a Christian home. In our modern context this first volume would not be written. We are a very practical age. Give tips on how to my marriage healthy. Give me five ways to raise godly children. But Gouge does not begin there. Instead, a bulk of this book is about Christ and the church. Instead of beginning with how husbands are to love their wives, he begins with how Christ loves the church. Instead of beginning with wives submitting to their husbands, he begins with the church's subjection to Christ. You will also find a discussion of baptism, what it means for us to be united to Christ, the benefits of our union with Christ, and a discussion of why marriage is not a sacrament.

There are some more practical chapters, but on the whole Gouge lays the theological foundation for his next two books. Therefore it is worth reading, not just for content, but also for his method.

I did have one disagreement. It appears Gouge believes that a marriage can be formed even though it is never consummated. In other words, sex is not a necessary part of marriage. I disagree with this and I am pretty sure most Reformers would as well.

My Rating System
1 Star-Terrible book and dangerous. Burn it in the streets.

2 Stars-Really bad book, would not recommend, probably has some dangerous ideas in it or could just be so poorly written/researched that it is not worth reading. Few books I read are 1 or 2 stars because I am careful about what I read.

3 Stars-Either I disagree with it at too many points to recommend it or it is just not a good book on the subject or for the genre. Would not read it again, reference it, or recommend it. But it is not necessarily dangerous except as a time waster.

4 Stars-Solid book on the subject or for the genre. This does not mean I agree with everything in it. I would recommend this book to others and would probably read it again or reference it. Most books fall in this category because I try not to read books I don’t think will be good. There is a quite a variety here. 3.6 is pretty far from 4.5.

5 Stars-Excellent book. Classic in the genre or top of the line for the subject. I might also put a book in here that impacted me personally at the time I read it. I would highly recommend this book, even if I do not agree with all that it says. Few books fall in this category. Over time I have put less in this category.

[Joseph · Rating 3 out of 5]

My biggest complaint is that I didn't get what I expected, so that's probably more my fault than. The book's.

This is not a book of practical recommendation based upon scriptural principles. This is heavy, deep, exegesis of the original languages of Ephesians 5:21 - 6:4. Of course, those verses address family relations, so the book does have applications and illustrations of how to manage family life - but the lion's share of the book is examining the meaning of the scriptures in context, with application as appropriate for the subject in the text. In that regard, it is thorough, orthodox, and well thought out.

The writing style of the Puritans remains a distraction for me. Maybe after I get into double digits it won't be. Bridging 400 years is a challenge, even when "updated" by Beeke and Brown.

In short, worth the read, but know what you are getting - an exegetical exposition of the household management verses in Ephesians.

[Kevin · Rating 5 out of 5]

William Gouge sets forth the individual family members responsibilities toward each other in the Fear of the Lord. He sets forth the picture of Christ and the Church as the apex of marriage; calling husbands to model Christ in their duty towards their wives; namely that they must love their wives. And summoning wives to model the church in their duties toward their husbands; namely that they must honor/respect them. The Duties and responsibilities of children to parents, as well as parents to children are also addressed. The book clearly articulates the great necessity of being faithful to the Word of God in how we approach family relations, and that each family member must be made aware of the duties that are required of them.

[Chuck Ransford · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book here the first of a three volume set that is a modernized update of the Puritan William Gouge's work "On Domestical Duties." Such an excellent book looking at marriage through the lens of Christ's relationship to the church. Edifying and informative, recommended for single or married folks. Looking forward to reading the next two volumes.

[Philip Mcduffie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Christ centered. Biblically saturated. Deeply edifying. Gouge, a Puritan, expounds Ephesians 5 in a way that makes you stand in amazement at God's wisdom in the creation of the family. His view of Christ will cause you to pause and reflect on such a magnificent Savior.

[Jaclyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Building a Godly Home by William Gouge is a rich biblical resource for Christian families, filled with timeless wisdom drawn straight from Scripture. Gouge’s teaching is solid and unwavering, offering practical guidance for cultivating a Christ-centered household.

While the language seemed a bit dry and dense (understandable given its Puritan roots) I found it best digested in small portions. The final chapter, which focuses on a parent's duty to their children, was especially impactful to me. It’s a book worth working through slowly for those who desire a more faithful and God-honoring home.

[Amy Meyers · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wonderful exposition of Ephesians 5:21-6:4. So many excellently logical and carefully thought-provoking sections in here. A few hermeneutical issues for Baptists might be the continuity between OT and NT, and definitely his departure from good logic to defend paedobaptism. He also made a couple misstatements, IMO, in relation to the reasoning for a wife’s submission to her husband—very minor section in number in comparison to the whole. Highly recommend a slow reading through this.

[Isaac · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a book full of truth, but felt like half of it was doctrinally focused on Christology and Ecclesiology. Because Gouge spent so much time in these areas, without relating them directly to family living, I found it u helpful to a fair extent.

[Kevin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is probably the best book on marriage and family life I have ever read. I have heard that the best modern authors on the family (Beeke, Wilson etc.) all took their cues from Gouge. I think this is probably accurate. Must Read!

[Suzanne Roq · Rating 5 out of 5]

Far more supportive of women's value than I would have expected from a Puritan- which, I suppose, may lend more toward my preconceived notions than to any actual misogyny on the part of the patriarchs.

[Eliézer Salazar · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great, sound, Biblical advice and wisdom. Looking forward to volumes 2 and 3.

[Shelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

⭐️ ⭐️⭐️💫

[Carlos Montijo]

Recommended in TS&TT: Zachary Garris | Honor Thy Fathers - Recovering the Anti-Feminist Theology of the Reformers, accessed July 6, 2025, https://youtube.com/watch?v=FXlJEfZ_zls.

[Benjamin Phillips · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sound and sober, though not life-changing. The middle third is particularly good.
This volume is mostly a commentary on the Ephesians household code. 2 & 3 are the practical ones.

[Martin Mccullah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great start to updating William Gouge's classic for marriage originally called domestically duties. This book is not so much a regular book as it is an exposition of Paul's letter to Ephesians chapter five. The chapters are engaging and thought provoking on many levels with regard to a true understanding of married life, how marriage reveals the relationship of Christ and the church, and practical advice for marriage and raising children. I found his chapters about marriage representative of Christ and the church comforting and challenging. I think Gouge does a great job in combating the Roman Catholic view of the pope as a ministerial head. This volume is a great companion to anyone that is married or wants to marry in the future. This volume may be updated, but it can be challenging in places. I look forward to reading the remaining two volumes in this series.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

My biggest complaint is that I don't have volume two and three, but that's no fault of the author/publisher. :) Gouge's teacher heart shines through the pages as he gently and expertly breaks down simple (yet profound) explanations of the duties of the individuals that compromise a family. Gouge gives us a clear picture of what God intends in His design - and it's beautiful.

The author also thinks ahead of the reader by listing and answering questions/objections that might arise (mind you, for some of them, you ought to consider the time this was written in and the battles of that age). I respect this thoughtfulness in an author.

[Brian Collins · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best expositions of Ephesians 5:21-6:4 that I've encountered. Gouge does an excellent job of explaining the text, explaining difficulties, and reconciling apparent contradictions. His seventeenth century perspective is an advantage rather than a liability because it enables us to see this text through different cultural eyes. Reformation Heritage has done an excellent job in laying out the text, inserting headings and footnotes, and making the text readable for a contemporary audience.

[David Bane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent exposition of Ephesians 5:21-6:4 on the duties of husbands, wives, parents, and children in the home. Theologically rich with some good practical applications. Except for the brief section promoting pedobaptism, this book should be a foundational family read for every Christian parent.