Raising Boys by Design: What the Bible and Brain Science Reveal About What Your Son Needs to Thrive

by Gregory L. Jantz, Michael Gurian

Help your son grow into the strong, loving man God created him to be with Raising Boys by Design .
 
Packed with doable strategies and eye-opening examples of what’s really going on inside a boy’s brain, Raising Boys by Design offers a practical blueprint to help you build a HERO—one who values Honor, Enterprise, Responsibility, and Originality. Among other things, you’ll learn how to help your
• strengthen his character, resilience, and self-discipline
• nurture genuine compassion and empathy
• process words and emotions in ways that fit his brain chemistry
• succeed in school and hone crucial life skills
• develop a healthy perspective of sexuality
• avoid the pitfalls of media and technology
• embark on a lifelong adventure of faith
 
This unique resource combines the latest research in brain science with timeless truths from the Bible to reveal the deepest needs shared by every boy of faith while also leading you to fresh insights for honoring the unique personality, talents, and God-given design of your son in particular.
 
You can help your son thrive today as the hero he is meant to be when you learn the secrets of Raising Boys by Design.

Genres: Parenting, Christian, Nonfiction, Self Help, Christianity, Faith, Relationships

240 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2013

Reviews

[Elizabeth · Rating 2 out of 5]

Technically, I didn’t actually finish this but I finished most of it and given that it has taken me two months to get as far as I did, I’m giving myself permission to be done. I think the other problem here is that the longer I am a parent, the less interest I have in parenting books.

There are some helpful things here but really only where it sticks to Michael Gurian’s brain science. I found the Christian therapist’s perspective to be severely lacking in helpful, Biblical advice. Not only that, but I don’t have a clear understanding of how much of their parenting advice would change when parenting girls. For example, the authors believe that boys need to be parented towards Honor, Enterprise, Responsibility and Originality (acronym HERO) but I really fail to see how these qualities are specific to boys. Do girls not need these qualities? What qualities would they say girls need to be directed towards? And not only that, but where in Scripture are they getting this direction? Besides being extrabiblical, some of the advice is just totally lacking core concepts from Scripture: in their discussion about why a boy lies, for example, the only reasons given have nothing whatsoever to do with the child’s own heart or sinful desires; they boil down to what other people could be doing to him to make him want to lie. It’s basically everyone else’s fault.

I really can’t recommend this but if you are interested in the brain science portion, Michael Gurian’s books have helped me a lot as a teacher and parent. I don’t know that I agree with all his advice but the brain science is fascinating.

[Katie M. Reid · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book actually is helping me become a better wife. As I learned about the male brain I began to understand that Hubby is not being a jerk when he doesn't remember all twenty-five things I spew at him in a five minute conversation, but his brain is created to process the world differently. Duh! I have heard this before, but the candid way the authors' drive this point home, helped it sink in. I realize I need to alter my approach and stop expecting Hubby to respond with a female brain. Each gender is created by God's design, differently, and that is a good thing!

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a quite unique parenting resource, & one I really enjoyed with a couple of exceptions. The combo of brain science and scripture was wonderful though I wish it was heavier on scripture at times. I also don’t think I agree with the authors stance in chapter 8, but maybe that’s bc I’m not a brain scientist lol. Overall though, I would recommend this to parents of boys!

[Victoria Glaze · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading about quantitative, objective measurements (such as CAT-scan images) to prove there is a evident biological difference between male and female brains was FACINATING. In addition, reading practical and simple tips on how to better mother my son based on these objective measurements was comforting. The use of scripture and science together made my nerdy, Christ-loving heart soar. It is what I long for in parenting books. A healthy blend of wisdom from consistent data and eternally wise scripture. While most tips applied to boys age 6+, it helped this Mama of a 15 month old feel prepared for the future.

I plan to re-read this when my son is older, but, for this first read, I felt like it helped me understand the men in my life, like my wonderful husband, a tiny bit better.

Minus one star because I felt like the book could be repetitive and bit to obvious at times: for example, it seemed to repeat "study you son" 100x.

[Gabrielle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed parts of this book and it certainly gave me some things to think about in raising my son. I think the points of HERO can easily be applied to boys and girls and many things in the book are just universal good advice for humans and families.
This book reinforced my gratitude for our ability to homeschool and also for our religious organization.
At times this book seemed to drag on and felt a little distracting coming from 2 viewpoints.
Overall a good read and I'm glad I took the time to read it.

[Paige Gordon · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is an excellent resource for anyone with sons of any age, but especially if they are younger and you are still in the process of raising them up. It is filled with Biblical wisdom and scientific insights that will help you better understand the gift your son is, the way he was created to succeed in this world, and what you can do to partner with his god-given design in order to help him become the hero he was made to be. Highly, highly recommended! For further insight into some of the issues boys face in our modern culture I’d also recommend The Boy Crisis as an excellent follow up to this book.

Favorite Quote: “Help your son work through these four primary questions that every adolescent boy is asking himself as he nears manhood: When will I become a man? What will be expected of me and can I fulfill that? What will be right and wrong behavior for me as a man? What is Love and how will I learn to do it well?”

[Alex Verseput · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a father of three boys, this book was easier to add to my list. I'm so glad I did and I feel confident that any other parent or teacher of boys would benefit from this book.

Chapters 1-4 alone are worth the price. Here, the authors unfold the design of boys -- notably boys are different than girls and therefore develop differently. A different approach, different environment, and different interactions are called for to meet the needs for maturing boys and young men.

In the remainder of the book, the authors give some guidance. It's not a cookie-cutter pattern to follow, but considerations of boys to be clear on and aspects of development to explore.

[Tyler Brown · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were sections of this book that were fascinating: usually the brain science sections. I especially helped by considering the differences between boy and girl verbal communications center, multi-tasking vs. tunnel vision tendencies, kinesthetic vs. seated thinking, and emotional memories. The authors did a good job making frequent applications to parenting while also providing space for “bridge brain” people that don’t fit the data.

The sections on Scripture and a uniquely Christian approach to parenting were much weaker: usually sloppy proof texting.

[Laura Stankich · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed hearing the research differentiating the male from the female brain. It’s helped me relate better to my son and help me understand my important role as his mom and my husband’s important role as dad. I skipped over quite a few things at the end that I felt like dragged on or just aren’t relevant to his life currently. But it would be a helpful book to reference back to during adolescence.

[Emock · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love the mix of science and biblical approaches. Also, love the practical applications and parenting techniques discussed in the books. This is more than just the obvious "boys and girls are different." It gives insight and honor to boys in a powerful way. Definitely something to have around for reference when parenting boys between the ages of 10-20 years old.

[John · Rating 3 out of 5]

Honestly, I thought I could read a brain-only version of this book and be satisfied, as the Christian stuff felt mostly like an add-on to that. That said, the book is useful in describing male uniqueness based on brain science, and thereby talking about certain needs boys and young men have in their upbringing.

[Magdalena Saito · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful

Almost lost me at the beginning, the wisdom and tips and understanding the strategies of how to connect to various types Of personality that boys experience or can experience has proven helpful in navigating the water that are coming my way. I feel better prepared but also better able to direct how I have discussion and teach my own boys.

[Kimber · Rating 2 out of 5]

I got some good out of this book, but not enough to make it worth the read. It also was somewhat confusing that the book is in first person narrative and bounces back and forth between the two authors. Basically, boys should be a HERO and have good role models. As a parent, you should determine if you have gendered stereotypes to be aware of. The rest wasn’t memorable enough for me to finish it.

[Annelise · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is geared more toward parents of elementary age boys, but is definitely still helpful for parents of little boys too. It can be a little dry and heavy, but I highly recommend it to anyone who is parenting boys!

[KRISTIN · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raising a boy by design is a bridge between the Bible and science. A must read for raising a Christian boy to become a man. The authors give Biblical teaching with how the brain works, why our boys do what they do, and how they think.

[Amy Lamar · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is the book he destroyed his sons 6th grade teacher over according to a lawsuit made by her. Of course he won, being that he's rich and makes money off of people's pain. His center uses DBT Buddhism under the guise of Christianity. BEWARE!

[Marcus · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great perspective on building trust, handling conflict, technology use (streaming, social media, or video games), and rites of passage with sons. The Christian perspective is more evangelical sub culture, than a rooted system of beliefs on who God is and how he exhorts us to live in response.

[Katelyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really appreciated the science and faith-based point of view. Provided practical steps and suggestions. Also appreciated the acknowledgement that not all parents are raising boys along with a spouse (either mom or dad)

[cindy meeks · Rating 5 out of 5]

Educated me on boyd

Learned much on boys development and ways to help them succeed. I found the rite of passage advice helpful school advice also appreciate d

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

Got this at the thrift store for $1. It was worth the read. I particularly enjoyed the studies and brain science between boys and girls.

[Joey Peacher · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great acronym and brain science plus a recommended church program for growing boys to men.

[Jacinda Hall · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting research and some helpful studies and suggestions, but I was disappointed with how much personal opinion seemed to be interjected.

[Jon Anderson]

Good combination of wisdom from the Bible, counseling, and brain science. Chapters on emotions, sexuality, and technology were particularly worthwhile.

[Nicholas Grysen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Practical guide to fathering boys

Leading boys according to God’s design is no small task, however, I appreciated most the very practical steps this book provides for how to do that. Would recommend!

[Hannah Hicks · Rating 4 out of 5]

As with all parenting books, some was good, some was taken with a grain of salt. There are some good reminders, inspiration, and research summaries.

[Jon Kenney · Rating 4 out of 5]

About the Book

Having four young boys myself it is always nice to read a book that could potentially help me, as a father, understand my boys better. I picked up this book because I had heard of Dr. Gregory L. Jantz through his previous books, however this was my first introduction to Michael Gurian. Both men have a studied background in this subject of science and behavior when it comes to children. You’ll find that obvious after reading through the first several chapters.

You might be tempted to think from the outset that this book will be a cold application of phycology and science throughout, but from the start I found the insight of both of these men to be extremely well thought out. The first four chapters are spent really dealing with the science behind why your son acts the way he does. Why he thinks the way he does. How he perceives you as a father and mother. If you’re anything like me, you’ll find yourself nodding your head as you read along with this book and see the clear parallels that exist between what’s going on in the head of boys and men alike.

In the first few chapters, the writers make a strong case for the how our boys go about rooting their identity. Both do a masterful job explaining how they feel boys are created in the image of God and that fact should drive their identity. It also speaks to how a boy’s perspective is based on their social interactions, parent’s guidance and what they learn. All of which is critical to how they live, work and act when they become men. After all, we ARE raising men folks.

The remaining chapters flesh out the intellectual knowledge these authors provided and explain practical ways we can apply this knowledge given and use it to our benefit when shepherding, disciplining, and educating our sons.

A Few Things to Think About

During the first part of this book the authors address the idea of medicating children for natural tendencies. They use various examples, but specifically speak to the idea that too often parents opt for ADHD as the reason for bent up energy or lack on concentration. Further more they make a case that too often parents resort to medicating a child when in fact that child is just expressing their natural personality and tendencies.

Personally, I think you as a parent know your child better than anyone else and you should be the one to determine if your boy is acting up or being difficult because of a disorder, or just because of attitude. I would tend to agree though we’ve fed a culture where medication attempts to solve something that can be dealt with otherwise. That said, let the conversation and debate begin on that topic!

The other mention in this book is how the education system is not setup to handle our boys well. It speaks to the educational systems lack of response in positive ways when there is a disruption at school flowing from boys just being boys. I’d actually say school teachers have an incredible task in front of them each and every day. I don’t see them or anyone in authority in our educational system as the problem or the solution. Again, I think it goes back to what works best for you and your convictions.

All in all, I found this book a fascinating read and would recommend it to you as a parent of boys, or if you’re just interested in some of the reasoning behind boys in general!

[Camille Millar · Rating 4 out of 5]

I do have boys, and I do wonder every day if I am raising them the best way I should in order to make them the most awesome people possible. From the first paragraph, I found this book fascinating. It is full of research, interesting studies, facts that we now know about the male and female brain, and helpful conclusions and advice on how to keep these male minds fully engaged and thriving. I’m not a science buff, or particularly interested in physiology, but I was engrossed and fascinated by the way the authors dived into the science behind the ways that the male and female brains think and react. Even having started this book several months ago, I still recall the important ‘take-aways’ regarding the need for a strong male influence in the home, even if it is not their biological father.

I agree with the authors’ main point, that there is a growing disconnect in our society where we have put so much emphasis and attention on the advancement of women that the boys and men have drastically fallen behind. Males hold the lowest grades, the highest drop-out rates, the lesser amount of graduates, the largest percentage of jails and institutions, etc. and they need to be put back into focus if they are to lead their families and lead society like we need them to.

This book, written by two fathers, is full of countless examples, from their personal lives and the lives of those they have mentored or treated, as well as helpful ideas, backed with studies and facts to prove points. I found it written very well and easy to understand, particularly while the two author’s words were seamlessly combined to not be confusing or at all contradictory.

I thought their religious interjections, mainly consisting of people and stories from the bible, where heroes we know faced similar trials or temptations and felt similar feelings, were beautifully placed and written. Though not of my faith, I still agreed with these authors and the strong religious truths to their words.

This book is lovingly written to educate and encourage anyone who really believes, or wants to believe, in their wonderful boy(s), and I will recommend this to any mother-of-boys looking for further insight into the way their little minds work.

[Ethan · Rating 4 out of 5]

The past 50 years have seen great advancements in technology, medical understanding, and the advancement of girls' and women's interests in society. Yet in the midst of this progress boys seem to have been lost; sociological trends show that boys are falling behind in school and in life.

The authors of Raising Boys by Design attempt to show, through science and faith, how boys can be raised in ways that complement the way God made them. Throughout the book the authors do not attempt to put down women or suggest that the solution is to turn the clock back to a different time; instead, they highlight the differences between boys and girls and how both mothers and fathers can be more sensitive to those differences and how to give boys the space and direction needed to thrive.

The authors explain how boys develop differently than girls and how they need maternal care from their mother and encouragement to press on despite difficulty from their father. They have a HERO acrostic to explain how boys' character should be developed: Honor, Enterprise, Responsibility, and Originality, and how parents can encourage these characteristics in their sons. They lament the lack of a rite of passage for boys into adulthood in modern culture, especially modern Christian culture, and provide some ideas of how such a rite of passage could be done (I would hazard that baptism and full entrance into the faith community would be the Biblical rite of passage, but making a clear delineation between boyhood and adulthood remains important). They also speak about how to develop healthy senses of emotions and sexuality in boys and some good practical suggestions about how they can become more effective in school.

The book is not "preachy" and should not leave most parents with that sense of guilt and inadequacy that often comes from reading parenting books. If you have sons this is definitely worth the read!

**--book received as part of early review program

[Jennifer Clausen-greene · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raising my son to be a Christ empowered man is my ultimate goal in life and I am always seeking out resources that are biblical and sound to help me do just that and this book did not disappoint me. Teaching your son to chase after Christ and follow by His example is not an easy challenge. It is even more difficult when the school system tells you your boy is disruptive, impulsive, ADHD and too rough simply because they do not understand the unique makeup God gave him. I adored how this book really delved into the differences between boys and girls and how our society is trying to condition our boys to let go of their unique manhood and be more passive, soft and basically more like a girl. This book deals with the differences of how boy's process bullying, technology, and peer pressure different from girls. I enjoyed that this book places an emphasis of the role the father places in raising boys to become men. As hard as I might try to steer my boys to manhood, I simply cannot do it. I need their father to step in, men from church, community to teach them to be men. I loved the hero analogy that the authors give. Inside all boys is the deep desire and need to be a hero. Although I may not be equipped to teach him to be a man I can start by helping him develop his inner hero.

I can easily and highly recommend this book for anyone raising boys or dealing with boys in their life. It gives you a fresh biblical, scientific look into the lives of boys.

Disclaimer: I received a free e copy of this book in exchange for my honest views and opinions. I was not required to write a positive review and the opinions expressed are my own.

[Gabrielle W. · Rating 5 out of 5]

The first 55 pages (4 chapters) are "Part 1: The inside Story", the brain side of it. The second part is "Putting it to work", the title kind of explains it, but, it's about how the apply it.
The book is well written, and though I am not a parent, I found it fascinating.
We live in a world where it is frowned upon to be a normal (healthy) boy. Being competitive is selfish, and having high energy is is hyperactive. Raising boys today is no easy task, society is attacking the character designed by God.
Blending biblical truth with brain science, Raising Boys by Design is a great resource that offers much needed insights for guiding boys toward health and success in every area of life. I really enjoyed how at the end of each chapter there was a section called, “Next Steps” where the authors give practical and doable ideas for applying what you've read in your son’s life.
The authors look at real brain research to discover how boys are different than girls (which is a good thing).
I also LOVED the caution raised by the authors about how schools try to get parents to put their sons on medication to "help" them focus and do better at school. The authors then go on and show you how medication is not necessarily the answer - teaching boys in ways they are designed to learn is a better answer!
As I said, I don't have children, but I really enjoyed this book, and would definitely recommend it. It is an inspiring, easy and enjoyable read.

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this book review.