Raising My Rainbow: Adventures in Raising a Fabulous, Gender Creative Son

by Lori Duron

Raising My Rainbow is Lori Duron’s frank, heartfelt, and brutally funny account of her and her family's adventures of distress and happiness raising a gender-creative son. Whereas her older son, Chase, is a Lego-loving, sports-playing boy's boy, her younger son, C.J., would much rather twirl around in a pink sparkly tutu, with a Disney Princess in each hand while singing Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi."

   C.J. is gender variant or gender nonconforming, whichever you prefer. Whatever the term, Lori has a boy who likes girl stuff—really likes girl stuff. He floats on the gender-variation spectrum from super-macho-masculine on the left all the way to super-girly-feminine on the right. He's not all pink and not all blue. He's a muddled mess or a rainbow creation. Lori and her family choose to see the rainbow.

   Written in Lori's uniquely witty and warm voice and launched by her incredibly popular blog of the same name, Raising My Rainbow is the unforgettable story of her wonderful family as they navigate the often challenging but never dull privilege of raising a slightly effeminate, possibly gay, totally fabulous son.

Now with Extra Libris material, including a reader’s guide and bonus content

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting, Memoir, LGBT, Gender, Queer, Book Club

288 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2013

About the author

Lori Duron is the author of Raising My Rainbow: Adventures in Raising a Fabulous, Gender Creative Son (Random House, September 2013). The first parenting memoir to chronicle the journey of raising a gender nonconforming child, the book is based on her blog of the same name.

Duron lives with her husband and two children in a happy, messy home in Orange County.

Reviews

[Justin Tate · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible! Lori's writing is brisk and witty, making it thoroughly entertaining as she describes her parenting decisions while raising a gender-bending young boy who enjoys playing with "girl" toys and wearing "girl" clothes.

Is CJ gay? Transgendered? Is it even fair to think about the sexuality of a three-year-old? Does he just like 'girl' stuff?

This book does a great job of showcasing the real life journey of being a parent. We, as readers, desperately want her to find the answers to these questions, but of course it's never that easy. Fortunately, we do get to learn from her trial and error. Readers need not have a gender-creative child to appreciate her struggles and successes as a parent. There is a lot to learn from her experience. The segment she has on resolving a bullying problem at school is worth reading the book alone.

OVERALL: Sometimes you get unexpected results when you're expecting. If that applies to your family, or even if you think it doesn't, there's a world of wisdom in this book. It is written out of pure love and puts everything on the table. She admits to mistakes freely and never tries to sugarcoat her thoughts. Learn from her mistakes and take notes during her segments of immeasurable wisdom. Or just have fun reading an entertaining non-fiction book. I hadn't heard of Lori's blog prior to reading this book but I will definitely be following it now. Whatever happens next in CJ's life, he is very lucky to have such a wonderful family.

[Jessica Woodbury · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have lots to say about this book and it's best I say it all now so I don't forget, even if I'll eventually repost it elsewhere.

First off: I am glad this book exists. I doubt there are many books out there like it. We need people to share their experiences when you feel like you have a one-of-a-kind situation because there are always other people out there going through the same thing. So I'm glad this book is here. It needs to be here.

That said, I wish this book was more than it is.

Ultimately this is a memoir and it's one in which the same type of situation is repeated over and over again. Lori is the mother of a "gender-creative" child. (While the technical term is gender-nonconforming, I love this other phrase instead.) From the age of 2, little boy CJ loves Barbies and all things girl.

As CJ gets older (the book chronicles a relatively brief period, from age 2 to age 5) his family confronts the same problem multiple times: CJ wants girl thing, what do we do?

For some reason I was never comfortable with this setup. Maybe it's judgmental of me to find Lori's initial discomfort and assumption that this was just a phase so troubling, but I did. I know this is probably how many parents react and that it can be a real adjustment, so I let myself go with it.

But when CJ is 5 and the dilemma is whether we should let him wear Little Mermaid pajamas to Pajama Day at school I was wondering what all the concern was about. He'd already had a girl-themed birthday party, played with girl toys, wore girl clothes, etc.

Parts of the book are really useful for parents who are looking for information on raising a gender-creative child. Duron details their work with a helpful counselor, she chronicles the specifics of a fight against bullying at school, she goes into her research into gay and transgendered teens and adults as she wonders about her son's future.

But for most readers there's much to be desired. CJ is obviously an enthusiastic kid, but on the page he is little more than a caricature. It often seems that he's defined by his girly-ness to the exclusion of anything else. (Older brother Chase gets to be more rounded at times.)

And I admit to starting to feel some hostility towards Duron when she made smart-ass comments about a preschooler who's unkind to CJ, throwing in jabs at her designer label clothes. (As if the girl herself was responsible for picking out labels. And as if a 3-year-old is expected to behave with more tolerance and kindness than adults.) In fact, Duron's chronic worrying about how people will view her son is wearing, especially since she will get so worked up when that very thing happens.

I feel for her situation. I deal with it to a smaller extent. My own son is 4, wears Hello Kitty shoes that are bright pink and sparkly, has his fingers and toenails painted regularly (he has an extensive polish collection) and loves having his sister's bows put in his hair. People have given us weird looks. Children have said unkind things. But I spend very little time worrying about it. And so I guess, at heart, there is a real clash of personalities between Duron and myself. I am much more laid-back about my son's obvious gender-nonconformation, even if it's less extreme. And once you've dealt with a few comments you learn to take it in stride.

I'd save this book for those who are in a similar situation to Duron's and are looking for someone else who's been there.

[Erin · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'd like to begin this by saying that I was a child who didn't play with gender appropriate toys. I was a girl who really, really hated girl toys. I HATED Barbie, all other dolls, had no interest in playing dress up or in hair and makeup. I did not really like or relate to other girls. Most of my friends were boys, I played with stuffed animals, Hot wheels cars, toy animals and in later years He-Man, Thundercats and Voltron. I played whiffleball and a local thing we called wall ball and I wanted to be a CIA agent when I grew up. I only wore a dress when my mother made me. I distinctly remember my mother buying me a Cabbage Patch Doll to take to school because all of the other girls did. At around age 8, I did discover My Little Pony which I loved because they were horses, but I hated the cartoon because it was so smarmy and the characters were terrible. In short, I was a weird kid. I also learned to read at 2.5 and was tested as having a genius level IQ. Now, that being said, I don't think it ever occurred to ANYONE that any of this behavior was gender oriented.... not being like other girls didn't mean I didn't want to be one....I just liked boys and boy things. I thank whatever forces are out there that I came from a normal family that wasn't trying to march me off to have a sex change before I was even old enough to know what sex is! If Lori Duron was my mom, I'd be in the office of a very wealthy charlatan discussing how to stop my puberty from occurring. Instead, I was allowed to grow and develop normally, eventually completely reversing in to a very girly girl in high school. Fully 65-70% of small children experience some type of draw to the other gender's interests as a way to mature and establish gender roles in their mind.

The American Psychiatric Association, after a 30 year study, has fully concluded that there is no genetic predisposition for homosexuality. Instead, they have stated that homosexuality is most likely the result of either a hormone imbalance or in some cases (more often women) the result of suffering sexual trauma or molestation as a child. Further studies show that what is affectionately referred to as "gaydar" (the act of being able to tell someone is gay) is actually a result of pheromones. Every living creature from the tiniest insect to a human emits pheromones and the pheromones of most gay people are different. What causes pheromones? Hormones. Hormones play a much larger role in humans than we imagine. Guess who has a diagnosed hormone imbalance? Me! I have a much higher level of estrogen than is normal. Hormone imbalances run in my family. They are hereditary. A person who is homosexual has a higher amount of the opposite sex's hormone.. Now...Lori Duron wonders why there seems to be more children suffering from gender dysmorphia. Well, that is also being studied. Did you know that our water supply contains extremely high levels of estrogen? Did you know this is because of the large number of women taking birth control pills which are derived of synthetic estrogen? Estrogen is removed through the system through urination. The systems which filter our water supply do not remove estrogen or even many kinds of prescription drugs. It's just not possible. The buildup of estrogen over time is thought to affect men and women differently. In men it's believed to cause difficulty in maintaining an erection, male pattern baldness and gender dysmorphia. In women it causes anxiety, depression, obesity and aggressive behavior. Any of these symptoms seem familiar? Also, you may be interested to know that until very recently, laundry detergents contained a form of synthetic estrogen that was so powerful that it caused male fish (specifically rainbow trout) to grow a second set of female sex organs. If it can do that to fish, do you think it could cause gender confusion in humans? Well, the government thinks so because it banned completely the use of this additive in 2010.

Lori Duron makes a point of stating that she cuts out of her life anyone who questions her parenting style. How wonderfully open minded of her! Of course anyone with a dissenting opinion must be silenced! This shows how insecure she is in her own decision. She specifically mentions a close friend who did not want to discuss sexuality with her own five year old child and being so appalled when Dr Phil gave the advice not to add to a child's confusion. Lori, do you know what the difference is between Dr Phil and the "gender specialist" you are seeing? Dr Phil isn't making any money off of you. Ask your wonderful specialist how many people she has told "Nope! Your son/daughter is completely normal! Go home and enjoy them! Let them grow up as they will!" I would be willing to wager not a one. There is a lot more money to be had in planning out years of sessions. And frankly, the thought that an 8 year old child might have his/her puberty stopped or be injected with the wrong hormones in order to change their body irrevocably is shocking. It's child abuse. You can't give a nose job to a child that age but you can try to change his sex? Any one who is engaging in this practice needs to have their medical license revoked and be jailed for child abuse. This is absolutely chilling.

Throughout the book, Lori makes it obvious that she is easily influenced by others. There were too many instances of this to list them all, but as soon as a psuedo professional gives her advice that is in line with what she wants to hear, she is off and running with it. For her sake, I truly, honestly hope that her son is gay. Because if he's not, he is going to be a very unhappy adult. In an effort to be so super understanding to "gay issues" because of her own experience growing up with a gay brother, she has forgotten how to be a parent. Children learn a lot of things from their parents. I have three of my own and I can see how they respond enthusiastically to things you present as positive. Perhaps if Lori had gently corrected her child in the beginning "Yes, honey, it's okay to play with Barbie, no honey, it's not okay to wear Mommy's clothes", as Dr Phil suggested, she may have allayed any confusion. Instead, she already had a mindset predisposed to embracing gender dysmorphia as normal, so no one will ever know if the situation would have corrected itself as it does for most children. If CJ does grow up to be straight, how will he look back on a childhood where he was sent to school in girl's clothes and marched off to "doctors" and gay support groups when he wasn't even old enough to understand any of it? How will he look back on a mother who assumed he was transgender at the age of four? Children have a way of living up to our expectations...being surrounded by this train of thought may very well encourage it when it wouldn't have existed otherwise.

My advice to Lori Duron is this: let your child be a child. Don't bring him to meetings with people who have an agenda, which they do whether or not you want to admit it. If he wants to play with dolls, let him. But let him know that there is a difference between play and reality. Be a parent, not an enabler. If you're concerned about his mental and physical health, take him to a doctor of preventative medicine who specializes in hormone imbalances and replacement, get him tested. If his levels are normal, let him grow and develop without outside influence. Stop allowing a movement to use you and your child. Whether or not you see it, that's what's happening. I wish the best for your child and for others like him. You can't see reality if you close your mind to anyone who doesn't think exactly like you. Your son deserves better than that.

[Trish · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have always been curious about how folks discover and then adapt to some kind of specialness in their children—and admit to a real fascination with a child such as Duron’s CJ. At age 2-1/2, CJ exhibits such delight in Duron’s boxed 25th-anniversary Barbie that she opens it and…it was the toy he’d always wanted.

Duron’s first-born son, Chase, was all boy. CJ, her second-born son, had a strong affinity for girls, and girl things. Duron and her husband were surprised and not entirely thrilled at first, and tried to steer CJ’s inclinations a little, thinking ahead to all the issues her son might encounter in the neighborhood and in the years ahead. But CJ would have none of it. It seems he was fully aware of what he liked “right out of the box,” as it were. He liked dresses, earrings, makeup and high heels rather than Sponge Bob, soccer, and the manly arts. His mother learned to call this “gender nonconforming.”

Duron spent some time struggling with the notion, searching online, talking with specialists, and offering CJ more common options for sports and clothes, and gradually comes to accept that her child is something very special indeed. The year CJ begins pre-kindergarten, she starts writing a blog to address the online information deficit for her experience as a mother of a gender nonconforming child. Through that avenue she makes friends, exchanges information and resources, and eventually becomes a spokesperson for gender-questing individuals. She also receives a lot of hate mail saying she was a bad mother, but fortunately she felt confident that wasn’t true. She was discovering real time that her son was unique. CJ’s proclivities are bred in the bone, and didn’t appear to have anything to do with nurture.

This is a fascinating story, mostly because CJ is one hot ticket. I don’t know how much Duron jazzed up CJ��s language as she reports what he says, but he has real personality in speech, and in choosing styles, colors, and “drape” in his clothing, even as a bitty child. CJ’s brother Chase takes some heat as the result of having a brother with what others perceive as gender confusion, but Duron herself intervenes when it begins to impact Chase’s school work and social interactions.

Duron narrates the audiobook of this title, produced by Audible. In an interview at the end of her reading, Duron tells us that she felt she wanted to read the produced book herself to give the needed emphases. She knows her sons will read it one day and wanted to make it sound the way she heard it in her head—accepting and ferociously protective of them. She did well.

Duron admits to being anxious and confused herself, so if occasionally she was a little rough on folks that seemed surprised about or mentioned CJ’s clothes or attitudes, we can probably cut her a break. Encountering a gender creative child for the first time might be a little surprising for some folks, and they may need a little time to process it cognitively. I have never encountered a child like her CJ. From the sounds of things, he is one easy fellow to like. She might be able to lose some of her attitude now: a quietly instructive voice on Duron’s part might be more helpful. I wouldn’t want to give up Duron’s very careful yet casual and joyous way of celebrating her son’s differences, though. I guess I can take a little attitude if we continue to hear more of CJ’s specialness.

Duron’s book was enlightening on a number of levels, not the least being the suggestion that her son’s gender fluidity may be genetic. In addition, one learns a great deal about legal protections already instituted for gender nonconforming children, hopefully ensuring that they needn’t be bullied in schools or communities. This means lots of folks have been through Duron’s experience before, though she did not find personal narratives online and felt she had to write her own. Her blog got so much attention that she was approached about writing a book, film projects, among other things. She is still posting: check it out.

The story of this family is really pretty special, in no small part to Duron’s own personality. Everyone would get something out of Duron’s experience: even if you don’t have a child who is gender questing, many parents have children who wish they could play with girl toys or boy toys at some time or another. The clothes might be another matter. I was surprised to hear Duron lived in Orange County, CA. Am I stereotyping if I say I would have thought creative folks around Los Angeles would have inoculated the population against surprise about dressing up? Ah, well. We can‘t all be as fabulous as CJ. What a guy!

[Hanah · Rating 3 out of 5]

It took me a while to put my finger on what exactly felt "off" about this book. The writer, Lori Duron, is a woman very much like me, a mother of two sons, one of whom is gender non-conforming (though in my case, my gender non-conforming boy has a twin sister to make things even more interesting). The way she approaches her son's situation with positivity, acceptance, and curiosity about the broader issues is generally good, and not all that different from the way I've done things for my own family. So why did I feel an underlying annoyance at her all the way through the book?

I finally figured it out. Duron values conformity in general. She wants to be like the other moms, and she wants her family to be like the other families. She wants to blend in, not stand out. The only thing preventing her from blending in the way she wants to is that her son insists on wearing girl clothes and playing with girl toys. So she's got a lot of angst going on about how her son is messing up her and her family's perfect life. She accepts that and does the best things for her son, but that internal conflict is always there.

I'm not that person. I'm a nerd. I don't wear makeup and my clothes are never on-trend. I get overly excited about my passions for unusual hobbies. My husband is the same way. Neither of us has ever been normal or popular. We don't care, because we can always find good friends who share our passions and interests and who accept us for who we are. We've always wanted the same for our children -- for them to find their own passions, express themselves, and find kindred souls out there in the world somewhere.

My younger son is three. He's worn pink or purple to school almost every day for the past year -- sometimes in items from the girls' department, sometimes from the boys' department. He wore a dress to the joint birthday party we had for all three kids, and none of my older son's friends cared. The comments we get when we're out and about? Sometimes people assume he's a girl, and there's no problem (how boyish must Duron's toddler look if people are constantly identifying him as a boy in a dress at age three?). Other times they smile knowingly and say that their son used to like to wear his sister's clothes sometimes, and congratulate me on being brave enough not to confine it to the home. Occasionally we've encountered surprise or confusion. Never hatred or mockery.

I'm surprised that Duron doesn't spend much time questioning why our society is so divided into "boy things" and "girl things." In my household, we break down that divide constantly. My son isn't wearing girl clothes, he's wearing _his_ clothes. The clothes that he likes. That he chose for himself in the morning. My older son asks me sometimes why people are so dumb that they think there are boy things and girl things. I'm annoyed that Duron hasn't taught her older son to think about the world the same way. I'm horrified that she's never explained homosexuality and gay marriage to her seven-year-old, even though her own brother is gay. My kids grew up being told that they could marry whoever they want, male or female, and that some families have two mommies or two daddies. The fact that she's trying to hide this from her seven-year-old who has a gay uncle and a gender non-conforming brother is completely bewildering.

I'm giving this book three stars because I'm glad that there are books like this out there, starting the conversation about these subjects. I think it might be a good book for people who are shocked and horrified at the idea of a boy liking girl things. But from where I stand in my progress of thinking on these issues, I left these concerns miles and miles behind, long before my son ever decided to put on a dress.

[Mallory Kellogg · Rating 4 out of 5]

Was given a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

From the moment I read this book's title and saw those awesome pink laces, I had to read it. I wanted to know her story. And I was not disappointed. This book was terrific-tabulous! I can't say enough good about it.



So this woman has a son named C.J. who is "gender nonconforming", which simply means he's a boy that likes girl things and rejects boy things. He loves the Disney Princesses, especially Rapunzel. His favorite color is pink, and he plays with Barbies. What do I think about that? FAB-U-LOUS!!!



At first, his mother and father worry about the stigma it will bring, and it did bother me that they were so hung up on him being gay. But everyone is different, and they did grow out of it. They love their little boy no matter what. It was so sad to read about all the friends they lost because of their openness about C.J.'s gender creativeness, but they also learned who their real friends were.



I related to that boy more than I care to admit. I was, mostly, raised by my gunsmith father. I wore camo, went hunting and helped sight rifles. I was always made fun of for being a tomboy, but it's what I loved being. That didn't make me wrong. It made me different. Unique. I love being unique. To this day, I am still the unique tomboy.



Oh, hey! Check out little me! Aw! I was cute at one time. LOL

Anyway, C.J.'s brother breaks my heart because he loves his little brother so much, and he catches Hell for it. He is the subject of bullying, teasing and rejection. I wish the world would learn to just love and accept everyone, not try to destroy what's different.

This book touched my heart. I cried a little, laughed a lot, and felt myself hurt for the entire family. I found the mother, at times, a little passive in her decisions. And she worried way more than is healthy. But in the end, she always did what was best for her son. She got him Princess parties, dance classes and pretty dresses to wear. She threw herself into loving and accepting her little girly boy. Even the macho dad supported everything his son wanted to do, right down to wearing heels and clip-on earrings. I loved this book. I loved this family.



I think so many people could learn from this story. People need to stop being ugly and start being supportive. Toys are toys. Kids are kids. Stop trying to make kids conform to what you think they should be. Just let them be kids!

And here I thought I'd never find a reason to use this gif:

I stand corrected.

[blueisthenewpink · Rating 4 out of 5]

[Please scroll down a bit for English]

Aki ismeri a raisingmyrainbow.com blogot, annak nem ajánlom. Kevés benne az újdonság a bloghoz képest, így alig vártam, hogy a végére érjek. Aki viszont nem ismeri a blogot, annak szívből ajánlom. A könyv jó összefoglalója az eddig történteknek, és az is kiderül, milyen szellemesen ír Lori. Utána lehet folytatni az olvasást a blogon.

A főszereplő Lori elbűvölő kisebbik fia, CJ, aki a lányos dolgokat szereti. Nyomon követhetjük, hogyan birkóznak meg ezzel a helyzettel a családtagok, barátok, tanárok, iskolatársak. Közben mi is fontos leckéket kapunk empátiából, toleranciából, szülőségből (bármilyen nyálasan hangzik is ez).

------------------------------------------------

The battle is on between “[…] all the nosy mothers within ten miles, all of whom have their degree in child development with a minor in judging people.” (p. 130) and Lori, a.k.a. CJ’s Mom, who “[…] works part-time as a business consultant, full-time as a mother and overtime as a walking panic attack.” (http://raisingmyrainbow.com/cast-of-c...)

As an enthusiastic follower of the blog, I had the constant feeling that I had read this before. If you want to own a hard copy and put it on your shelf, go ahead. It even has a foreword by David Burtka and Neil Patrick Harris! As much as I love the blog though, I feel I shouldn’t have bought this book. I’ve been reading every post for a couple of years now, so it is probably hard to tell me anything new from times past.

Still, it is definitely more than a collection of blog posts. A coherent text that summarizes the first few years and all the struggles and joys of raising a gender creative child. Written with a great sense of humour, the episodes I already know still melt my heart or upset me. It was interesting to remember recent posts while reading the book. I had an instant follow-up in certain cases.

If you are not familiar with the blog, the book is a great place to start. And I strongly recommend that you start following the blog as well. Lori and her family are amazing. They teach us so much about empathy, and how to be a great parent, no matter what your child’s unique needs are. They show us how to love and support our children, “no matter what”. In addition, Lori and Matt are probably the first real-life couple I ‘encountered’ who work as a great team as parents. As Lori says, “[h]e has always been there with me every step of whatever journey I take.”(p.235)

Lori also taught us loads about bullying, and how to deal with it. She shares all the detailed knowledge she gathered while trying to protect her children, with the exact legal steps you can take in the US. The end of the book hosts some great lists, including a Reader’s Guide, Twelve Things Every Gender-Nonconforming Child Wants You to Know, invaluable Tips for Educators and Resources to turn to.

I always think of this wonderful family when my son tells me things like the girls in his class said he couldn’t play in the toy kitchen, because it was for girls. Or when he coloured a clown purple, the girls told him he should be a girl because of the colour he chose. Then I tell him that colours and toys are not for girls or for boys only. That is a sentence I learned from Lori. I don’t know whether I knew what to say in these instances otherwise.

What is this thing with toy kitchens being for girls anyway? Most of the chefs, including world renowned ones are men. Even a cook I know was upset because his son liked to play with a toy kitchen. But he himself is a male cook!

What about clothes? How is it acceptable if I like the colour blue or prefer wearing trousers, if manufacturers make pink shirts for grown men but it is not okay for young boys to wear pink? My son’s favourite colours are red and purple. He also likes pink. In clothes, he likes red, blue and black. There aren’t many purple (or pink) boys’ clothes. He loves everything firefighter, cars and other vehicles, including the garbage truck, everything connected to building houses, numbers, letters, he disassembles everything and reassembles some, and he loves to draw. With all kinds of colours. He is a boy’s boy with favourite colours not everyone approves of. Lucky that we don’t seek their approval. I am grateful to Lori for teaching me that, too. To remember what is important: the happiness of your child, and what is not: what other people might think.

I know struggles from a year of lactose intolerance. I know how parents don’t want unnecessary hardships for their child. I know how adults are so much less accepting and flexible than children. Sometimes I couldn’t decide whether they truly weren’t able to understand the situation or just didn’t want to. Other times I was exhausted from the constant struggle. Often I was sad that my child felt left out because of his condition. I am glad it was temporary and I know it was less of a challenge than raising a gender creative boy.

If there is anything everyone could and should learn from this book and the blog, they are the following:

1. Love and support your child. No matter what.

2. “It’s a lesson more in empathy than in gender.” (p. 180.). You are encouraged “[…] to learn – as we have – to judge less, imagine more, and treat others as they would like to be treated.” (p. 252.)

[Rachel Woodruff · Rating 2 out of 5]

Lori Duron is a good writer I will give her that much credit. However the notion that a 2 year old knows that they are a girl or that a two year old boy is "gender nonconforming" is a bit much for me to swallow. Add that to the times when she openly writes some questionable stuff about her son and namely when she writes that if her son liked boy toys and acted like a boy she would be lost and she would lose her identity and my theory that she is forcing her son into this role because of the attention she gets. This situation is similar to a person who suffers from Munchhausen by-proxy. Putting her children into potentially dangerous situations (the bullying her one son faced) all simply so that she can be famous.

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most amazing, inspiring, touching, heartbreaking, nerve wracking, question-everything-you-thought-you-knew, heartwarming, soul-shattering, applaudable, hopeful, gets-you-where-it-counts books I have EVER read. I feel like this book should be a necessary read for EVERYONE, but I am willing to narrow it down to all parents, grandparents, aunts, foster parents, friendly (or not so friendly) neighbors, or anyone that has any connections with children, therapists, case workers, gender studies/women studies/sociology students....

Wait, I am getting ahead of myself.

The quick, quick review and main idea of the book is Lori Duron has a biological little boy who is gender-creative and loves girl things, and how this affects everyone in the family-- what they experience, how they think, what they have learned. And while you may think you can at least hypothesize about what that would be like, well think again. Because things are not black and white, things are not even gray, they are sparkly pink, midnight blue, shiny gold, and all shades of gray. The closest I think I ever came to any gender-snobbery with my son-- who being raised by a single mom pretended to blow dry his hair in the mornings-- was when he wore a pair of black slip-on Vans with bright pink flamingos all over them. I didn’t even know there was an issue until a (former) friend’s husband commented that his son would never wear something like that. And he wasn’t being conversational, sarcastic, or even prompted. And it pissed me off.

My review is that this book is A-Freaking-Mazing. To start, I won this book as a first-reads on Goodreads, which was great because after reading the description, I was really hoping I would win. And I was aware of some kids who were getting attention, boys wearing dresses to school, the boy scouts causing a ruffle, and paid attention-- but I don’t have cable TV and I am a single mom without a huge support network so I basically miss a lot of “current events.” I had never read the blog, seen any news stories or interviews with the family. And still, this book sucked me in from the very first page. I literally found myself interrupting my sons Wii game to ask him if he knew that “I loved him no matter what,” which didn’t really go over so well-- Pokepark 2 is hard work apparently. By the third page I was pulling out a pen to start underlining, writing, and marking passages, and felt an urgency to go back over the first 2 pages to make sure I had’t missed anything. This is the first book that this has happened to me for in years. Every once and awhile I will write down a quote on a post-it, or add it to a Goodreads progress note, but this book brought out underlining, starring, and arrows. Then around page 60 I started taking notes on the inside cover and title page. Somewhere around a third in, I started adding personal anecdotes, ‘F*ck You Dr. Phil,” “You go mama-bear,” “OMG,” “love it,” “perfection,” “F-HIM,” and the like. But also “am I guilty of this?,” and other personal questions. By Chapter 11, I was giving the chapters my OWN TITLES. By chapter 21, I was writing in situations in my life that related to what was written, my reactions, conversations between myself and the people written in the book... it became personal. Near the end I could feel the panic set in, that I would soon have nothing left to read! But was mollified by the idea of the blog, and finally caved and looked online. I immediately saw the music video for the song Cameron by Jillette Johnson, and the blog is amazing-- but was there any doubt? I mean... I still immediately reread the book, but love knowing I can get my Facebook fix whenever I need a little pick-me-up. I can not begin to express how great this book is, any compliment will be lacking. This book taught me so much about myself as a parent, a person, a mother, a biological female, a gender-defined woman, and a human being.

I am SO appreciative to Lori for first taking such a huge risk by revealing so many personal thoughts and experiences in her blog, and now her book. It really takes a huge amount of bravery to put yourself out there like that, and I can see where C.J. gets his strength. So many parents would not take the same course of action, to say the least. And while I could go through some specifics of the book that I LOVED, I really just want to talk about me! *blush* Seriously though, this book really got to me. I have a son with special needs. I am hesitant to go in public sometimes, have birthday parties, and am constantly looking out for him, for everyone around him, and I am tired. I am scared for my son. Lori (girrrrrl, is it okay if I call you Lori?) writes on page 15: “More often than not, I felt like I needed to offer an explanation about my son’s behaviors and preferences, even when nobody asked for one.” Amen! This book gave me a huge boost. I know that our situations are not at all the same, but for me, I saw right to the heart of what was written, and I get it. Kids have feelings, adults don’t always respect them, so another great line for me was: “Love us or leave us, but if you are going to leave us, please do so quietly.” Or: “Special-needs kids are often defined by what they cannot do.” And OMG. The letter. Perfection, seriously. Words to live your life by, always. (It’s SO perfect, it’s not even fair.) Also, what an amazing husband. After I called myself out, thinking Matt was a “big enough man” to accept his son and all of this particulars (see page 111), I realized that this is how it should be... and Matt is great. And I can’t conclude without mentioning The World’s Best Big Brother. And lest we overlook Uncle Michael. And the part about Chase’s bullying, don’t even get me started.

Honestly, just the best book ever. I read it twice through already, its a keeper in my too tiny apartment, and I will read it at least once a year, from now on. Not including when I feel down, overwhelmed, judged, or anything relative to my experiences as a single parent with no support, as a parent of a special needs child, as a disabled parent, as a survivor of domestic violence, and as a person who sometimes feels happy, but sometimes just feels sad. Lori and CJ, your “team” is now larger by one fabulous single mom and my amazing son. I am hoping there will be a San Fran book signing, because I will be there with my thoroughly thrashed (with love) copy. I imagine you’d prefer to sign a book that isn’t covered in red hair dye (it’s kinda bloody looking, unfortunately) but I think C.J. can appreciate my efforts to make myself feel pretty-- and the inability to put down his book that made me feel all sparkly inside. You go girl!

[Bee · Rating 2 out of 5]

"It's not about me; it's about him. Mostly."

If that quote doesn't sum up the book, then I don't know what does.

2.5 stars, but y'all know I tend to round down.

[Gabrielle Schwabauer · Rating 2 out of 5]

What do I even rate this?

I wanted to like this book, honestly. If words like "gender creative" had been part of my life when I was in kindergarten, I probably would have been a lot happier. I was C.J. in reverse. I remember the kind Sunday school director who gave me the prize bags "for boys" because she "thought I would like them better." I remember announcing to my parents many times that I was not a girl. I remember playing almost exclusively with boys, obsessing over Star Wars and Lord of the Rings, collecting Legos and action figures. I remember hating the girls' department of clothing stories, the shirts and pants feeling itchy and unwelcome and totally opposite my being--never mind the skirts and dresses! I felt a deep unease at being sorted by gender, like I was partaking in a lie. There is no part of me that went into this ready to judge C.J. or any member of his family for his affinity for Snow White. I guess I expected it'd be cathartic or something?

And maybe it was, a little. It was nice to see parents admit that Something was different, and yet still okay, about their son, instead of just ignoring it and assuming it would go away or that it didn't mean anything. As a nonconforming girl, I often flew under the radar, labeled a tomboy in childhood, admired by boys for being "cooler than other girls," and praised in church for my "modesty," as if I wore loose shorts and t-shirts to control my innate sexual appeal and not because I felt most comfortable in them. I was lucky--sexism means that girls who act like boys are upgrading, while boys who act like girls are to be shamed. It was gross but it was livable. C.J. at least has people in his corner whose eyes are a little more open, because boys who don't conform can get absolutely slammed. The stakes are different for him, even 20 years later, than they were for me.

But man, I don't know that I needed to read 300 pages of how incredibly HARD it is to have a child who isn't NORMAL. I believe the author that she loves her kids fiercely and wants to protect their uniqueness while sparing them pain. I am a little more skeptical when she claims that it's "not about me." I dunno, when you're doing elaborate calculus about whether your son can hold an Aurora doll in the school parking lot while he is oblivious to the stares of other parents, is that really about him and his needs?

The book often addresses this, sure. She readily acknowledges the early terror of parenting C.J., then wonders in text, "What were we so afraid of?" They're earnestly trying to meet his needs, navigate the bullying of an older son with more traditional interests, and deal with their own baggage. I promise I'm not trying to be mean to this family.

It just felt a little weird that this book is being presented as the story of a family trying to educate and make people more open-minded, when, by the end of the book, it's been three entire years of this and they're STILL mired in angst over the "balancing act" of mostly letting him be himself but also sometimes saving face. Like, can everybody just chill out? Are there seriously sections of this book where they consider moving to another state in hopes of curing their child? It was exhausting and painful to read, and it made me feel like the book was accidentally telling me that I, myself a gender-nonconforming child, was also exhausting. That life as my parent was this constant battle of advocacy, of worry about whether I'd turn out to be this way or that way, that meeting my needs was a Herculean task--all the while the parents are terrified to just let C.J. do whatever he wants gender-wise without running interference with society all day every day. Maybe it doesn't have to be so exhausting if you don't care so much about whether random grocery store moms think your son is weird?

To be clear, that's different from practical steps toward acceptance; finding him a therapist who understood gender issues and talking with his teachers ahead of time to get them on board with promoting empathy and preventing bullying was a great move! Those were solid ways to protect and nurture a child. Being hypervigilant at the playground because your son says he's pretending to be Rapunzel felt like a really extreme reaction, the type of reaction that is repeated over and over and over and gets projected all over C.J. and his options.

Two more things: for a book that's trying to be inclusive, it's weird how the author never challenges the boy/girl categories in the first place. She talks a lot about how he likes "girl things" but never imagines that splitting every single thing into pink and blue is also incredibly damaging and, like, fake? It's great that he gets to enjoy princesses, tutus, and pink. Do we have to blow the trumpets of the gender divide every dang day so we can talk about how he crosses it? Could we not discuss social expectations instead of making his behavior seem like some kind of disability that needs to be lovingly accepted because he "adds color" to the world?

And two: for a book that's trying to be inclusive, it's weird how judgy the author is. She's always describing her fellow moms as being too perfect, fake, plastic. She throws shade at a literal preschooler for her "designer clothes" after that girl picks on her son, and says she teaches C.J. that some people are "pretty on the outside but ugly on the inside." Uh, that's a lot to put on a 4-year-old who is getting all these beliefs and behaviors from adults! Even worse, she makes jokes about surviving the trip through an "abandoned Indian reservation" and uses the word "ghetto" MULTIPLE TIMES. This was just like . . . the whitest possible take on gender creativity and for all her perceived exclusion, was still steeped in the essence of the mommy blog.

I appreciate that this book exists for parents who may feel similarly terrified, reaching for resources that will lead them toward a holistic model of love and support for their kids instead of just smacking little Jojo when he reaches for a stroller or telling a little girl to "sit like a lady." This book is undoubtedly a healthier approach than anything I ever witnessed growing up. But it's just the beginning of the adventure, you know? And as much as I wish I'd had more conscious support growing up, more options, more understanding . . . I don't wish my every action had been obsessively scrutinized for meaning by parents who regularly cried themselves to sleep at my deviance. So much of this book just made me feel tired.

[Barb · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think Lori and Matt Duron are great parents, they are thoughtfully figuring out how to deal with an unusual and challenging situation and are brave enough to share their experiences.

When their younger son first displays his preference for pretty, pink things they struggle with allowing him to play with girl toys and dress in girl clothes. Eventually they realize that their son doesn't have a problem rather, they and the other adults around him are the ones that have a problem (they are freaked out by a boy in a tutu). As they process through their son's choices they slowly come to terms with them and make decisions that respect their child the way he is.

I read 'As Nature Made Him' by John Colapinto when I was pregnant with my daughter and it made a lasting impression. Since becoming a parent I've been more curious about gender identity (how a person perceives their own gender) not to be confused with someone's sexual orientation or their biological sex.

Jenny Boylan's 'She's Not There' is a similarly thought provoking book and her recent 'Stuck in the Middle With You' continues with the theme of gender identity. Jenny Boylan was born James Boylan and lived as a man for forty years before undergoing sexual reassignment surgery. At a recent book reading Boylan talked about the gender binary that exists in our culture. That in general our society expects people to identify as either male or female but in reality gender is more realistically viewed on a continuum. Which I think is a novel idea for most people.

It's great that Lori Duron started blogging and sharing her experiences about parenting a son who is gender non-conforming. In her book she shares some interesting experiences and reactions to the way her son expresses himself. At one point she asks "Are we all just looking for an explanation? Even if we don't understand it?" I think that's true. She also says "... when something is out in the open, when the mystery is gone, when it is a known fact and has a name, does the power shift back into the hands of the rightful owner?" And again I think she's right. Lori had a special insight to raising her gender nonconforming son in that she grew up with a brother who was gay.

It reminds me of the understanding and acceptance we've come to have for autism. I think people are able to be more forgiving, understanding and compassionate when they realize that a person or a child isn't being different for any other reason than that is how they were born and that is who they are. I agree with Duron when you give something a name (especially a big, long, official sounding name) it changes things. It helps people understand what they're seeing.

I think Lori and her husband are great parents who advocate for their children, love them for who they are and only want what most parents want. "I want my sons not to have an easy life with the best seat on the gravy train, but I'd like the challenges that they encounter in life to be fair, surmountable and just frequent enough to make them strong, courageous intelligent men. I don't wish for them to have to endure unnecessary hardships in life. I don't wish for them to suffer from prejudices against them that are based in things out of their control."

I wish the author had included more insight into her husband's feelings and how he dealt with them. I also would have liked to hear more about her brother's experiences. But I can understand only wanting to put so much of yourself out there for the world to scrutinize. I was surprised that there wasn't more factual information or resources for other parents in the same boat. I was also curious if she had found any picture books or children's movies that helped her older son as he tried to understand his little brother.

I think it's important that people share stories like this one so that those of us who haven't had first-hand experiences can learn from them and come to see differences as just that, differences, not insults or blasphemies or assaults.

Thank you to the Amazon Vine program and Broadway Paperbacks for providing an uncorrected proof in exchange for an honest review.

[Nic · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love Lori's blog, RaisingMyRainbow.com, so when I saw she had published a book I pre-ordered it immediately. Unfortunately, I don't feel the book was as good as the blog. The book felt rushed, and failed to ever really dig into details so that I felt like someone was just talking at me, rather than feeling truly emotionally invested in her family's tale like I do when I read the blog.

I think Lori's talent as a writer is in telling one story at a time, which is why her blog works. When she tried to accomplish this in book format, it ended up being superficial and lacking in the gravity one would expect from a mom's experience in raising a gender non-conforming son.

Another failing, in my view, was that I think Lori was trying to be wryly funny but ended up sounding like she was making fun of her son or the LGBTQ community instead. I know this is not her intent, but her attempts at humor made C.J. more of a caricature than a little boy making his unorthodox way through the world. I felt like the tone most times was like, "Look how ridiculous my son is!"

Also, I hate to say it, but a lot of Lori's difficult experiences came from pressures to have gala birthday parties for her toddler, pre-pre-school attendance, and other things that my poor ass can't relate to. I try not to discriminate against those who come from better backgrounds than me, but when Lori referred to a area as "the ghetto", I had pretty much had it. She seems sheltered and seems to have enjoyed a nice, comfortable life, which is great, but to inspire compassion in others while talking about life without the awareness of what normal people experience is quite...ineffective.

I love Lori and her family, I love her blog RaisingMyRainbow.com, but I don't think her book lived up to the important task of being one of the only (if not the only) book about raising a gender non-conforming child. The book basically left me with more questions than it answered, and didn't grip my heart like some of her blog posts have.

[Rachael · Rating 5 out of 5]

Actual Rating: 4.5

I am so SO glad this book exists. I want to tell everyone I know about it, even people who don't read.

I have absolutely nothing against the LGBT community and I am so thankful this woman decided to open up about a topic that isn't addressed as much as it is probably experienced. I love how real, raw and honest the stories were in this book. It felt so real and relatable. My heart broke for all the people in this book (dare I call them characters) at one point or another. But at the same time, my heart, mind and soul soared for them in their times of happiness and love.

It is only recently that I'm realizing how much gender stereotyping goes on in todays society and that it starts at birth. It is quite disturbing that pink and barbies are constantly forced on girls and blue and trucks/cars are pushed on boys. I LOVE that this mother was able to take societies opinions out of it and do what is best for her child. The things the "haters" were saying to her really upset me. People are so close minded and have no right to judge a 3 year old boy that likes barbie dolls and especially not the parents that are doing everything they can to raise and support their child.

I can only hope that if I and my partner are ever put in a situation as serious as this one that we excel like Lori & Matt have done and be the best parent we can be regardless of what society thinks of us. There is always so much more to someones story then you would ever guess just by looking at them. I am so thankful that Lori had the "balls" to share her life with us. I will definitely be keeping up with RaisingMyRainbow's blog.

[Sam (Sarah) · Rating 2 out of 5]

While I was thankful to read a book about a gender creative family, especially one where the parents were loving and supportive. I found the author's discomfort with class and race that were different than hers, and a tone that seemed to assume that her community's response to their family was standard, quite hard to bare. Her references to the "ghetto" and traveling through reserve communities did nothing to add to the story, but made it so incredibly hard to hear the rest of the story. Her persistent assumption that it was a big deal for boys to present as girls in terms of dress and toys became exhausting. Her community was so unnecessarily ridged and the challenges she faced were mostly the same: my son still wants to dress in "girl" clothes and play with "girl" toys - exclusively. She did go briefly into exploring her larger family's reaction, which was a thankful change, but it really felt like a simple exploration. The school and community I am part of has lots of boys in dresses and other creative gender play a lot of the time. I wished for more nuance and self reflection, and a sense that the world is bigger than her neighborhood. My hope is that this book is part of a rush of similar books of families who love and support their gender creative /gender fluid children, so that we have a plethora of stories to choose from instead of looking for a tonic from such a conservative view point. I do thank the author for being part of this very necessary and urgent conversation.

[Robyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

During my teaching career, I have had several children who I believed to be gender-nonconforming. Although it was easier to spot the boys who were, I had girls in my class as well. I'm please to say that only one family stuck out as a family that did not support their child, meaning- I am grateful for the love and understanding of so many other families of gender-nonconforming children. Seeing a parent give their unconditional love and support should be an automatic gesture, but it isn't always. I enjoyed a deeper peek into the life of C.J. I am one of the early original blog readers of raising my Rainbow, and some of the stories in this book were familiar but the author took the stories to a deeper and more meaningful level. As with all parents, I could feel her struggles for her children to feel safe and normal. The sad reality is everyone has something that prevents them from being normal so they struggle daily with it. If only people understood that it is being different that sets us apart and normal isn't all it's cracked up to be, then the world would be an easier place to live. I applaud this family for fighting for their children, teaching their children that they matter, they count and they are important is a life lesson that will never be forgotten by these boys. This is a prime example of the unconditional love that all children deserve. A great read that had me smiling often.

[Kari · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I was pregnant and we found out we were having a boy, I wondered what I would do if it turned out that he wanted to be a girl. As he has gotten older, I have realized that I would love him no matter what, because what I love is that person at the core of Atticus who is. I also realize that’s easy for me to say since he conforms to a lot of gender norms (although he says his favorite color is pink). The main revelation for me in thinking about this topic is that I don’t know a lot about kids who are gender creative or gender non-conforming, so when I saw this book, I was interested. The author, Lori Duron, is the mom of a gender creative boy who likes dolls and princesses and pink and who doesn’t feel “like a boy” and the book tells their story as a family to make sure they are loving him well. Duron talks honestly about some misconceptions she had and the things they have learned in a way that brings the reader along. This is a book about love, plain and simple: a mother who loves and protects her child even when she feels like this is not what she signed up for. Recommended for: people who are interested in thinking more about the T in LGBTQ, people who care about kids.

[Christopher · Rating 5 out of 5]

I won this in a free giveaway from Goodreads.

I am very happy that a book like this exists. I've never read Duron's blog, but I will be after finishing this book.

Raising My Rainbow is a fabulous memoir dealing with raising a gender creative boy. At first, there was some hesitancy from myself. There was some worry that it would exploit her children, but that was all brushed aside within the first few pages. This woman loves her children, and I truly believe she's looking to help people understand that this is something very common.

Don't come in expecting this book to have all the answers in parenting. Not everyone will be on the same plane this family is. Duron spends a lot of time worrying, which can wear thin at times.

Above all, this book is filled with funny, heartbreaking, charming, and, above all, fabulous stories about some remarkable kids and a loving family.

Try reading about the trouble with the school administration and not feel like throwing the book down to become an activist!

[Lablover · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book in a matter of hours. This tells the story of a family dealing with the prejudices they must face while they raise their child who is "gender creative". I cried and I laughed out loud while reading it.
Lori Duron does a magnificent job explaining that she and her husband agonized over everyday decisions that most parents have no difficulty making, in addition to the bullying that their other child was subjected to and how they had to be an advocate for both children on two different fronts. After reading this book, I had to start following her blog because I fell in love with her family. I want to know how they are doing. I want to cheer them on, all of them!

It is readily apparent that Lori and her husband truly want what all good parents want for their children...to grow up healthy and ultimately happy.

[Ariane Trelaun · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listen: this is what I keep saying -- Raising My Rainbow shares a subject whose time has come. And shares it in this intimate, bloggy manner, as the reader gets to know this particular family and its youngest member, CJ. I wish this book and its family so much success. Here's to an end to fear and bigotry, an end to bullying and harassment based on (perceived or real) gender difference, an end to the horrifying rate of suicide amongst LGBQT youth. On every page, I found myself just so moved by this very real celebration of difference and love and freedom. Cheering and crying. And I learned a ton.

Be the Beautiful You Were Born to Be!

More next week as part of From Left to Write's book club day.

xo

[Lace · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a talented mother and writer! I am so happy I won an ARC of this fabulous book. I didn't want to stop reading about the interesting, and often hilarious, events of this family. The children are both fascinating, sweet, thoughtful and positive. I love seeing other parents' point-of-views and how people raise their kids. Lori Duron is an incredible mom. She is encouraging, strong, intelligent, and allows us to see her gender creative son the way she sees him. The way this family tackles obstacles makes me admire them immensely. This book sends such a powerful message of what we can do when we love our children completely, and fully support them, and stand up for what is right.

[Bill · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this a very interesting book.

Slices of a life I never had (not as the mother, at least).

I am still learning very much about gender and sexual identities. It was less than a year ago that read I read my first novel with an asexual lead character. It was odd for me to see two people in love and one of them repelled by the thought of sex in that book, but I got over it.

I grew to like them.

It felt less odd with CJ, but it felt just odd enough that I could understand his mom's panic. And his brother's and his father's unease.

I found it very inspiring while still being strongly rooted in reality and humanity.

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a beautifully well written story. I haven't read a book when I laughed or cried as much. This is a very touching story that everyone should read.

Everyone who is, was, or wants to be a parent should read this. My Daughters are adults, and it made me wish I had done so many things diferently. This is the outline for how every parent should treat their children regardless of who that kid is. I wish every parent could be like Lori and Matt her with their children.

This is going into my top five fovorite books ever list, and I very much hope there will be another.

[Laurali · Rating 4 out of 5]

While reading this book, there were many moments that strike me as things we have experienced with my son. My eyes welled up with tears as it struck me time and again that this was something familiar. We have not had my son labeled formal as gender nonconforming, but he certainly is. I greatly appreciate Lori Duron for sharing her experiences, and I plan on checking out her blog. I think it would be very helpful. My husband and I are very supportive of our gender nonconforming son and his gender conforming twin brother. This book gave me a lot to think about.

[Jenna Thiry · Rating 4 out of 5]

When CJ found a barbie in his mother's closet the whole family knew he was different. They all thought it was a phase. When he found out all the wonders of the female world, including a love for pink, barbies, and disney princesses, he began to play with his gender. While CJ is having fun exploring the world of gender creativity, his mother, Lori, tries to figure out why CJ is acting this way, and what she can do to help him. Before she consulted with a few therapists, she thought he was gay, like his uncle, but when the term “gender-nonconforming” became a part of her dictionary, she knew CJ was the definition of it. She and her husband are concerned, sceptical, and confused at first, but with the love and support of their close friends and family, they learn to love their son, inside and out, even with his fabulous and sparkly lifestyle. Just as life’s whirlwind seems to be slowing, her other son, Chase, starts being severely bullied at school. Although their teachers, parents, and grandparents show an endless amount of love and kindness, the boys endure hardships that no child should, including teasing at school, bullying, and judgmental and sceptical adults. The​ ​story​ ​​Raising​ ​My​ ​Rainbow​,​ ​written​ ​by​ ​Lori​ ​Duron,​ ​takes place in sunny California, and tells​ ​a​ ​heartwarming​ ​story​ ​about​ ​a gender-nonconforming​ ​child, ​her​ ​son ​​CJ.​​ ​This​ ​story​ ​takes​ ​the reader​ ​through​ ​three​ ​years​ ​of​ ​distress,​ ​and​ ​general​ ​confusion.
I enjoyed this book, a lot. I really liked how the author wrote the story with such honesty. She even wrote about all the negative things she thought about her own child. Not many parents would do that. I also liked how she included information throughout the story to help the reader understand what the terms meant. However, I wasn’t a fan of the organization of the book. In some places it was very confusing to read, and it was very slow in others. I can’t say much negative about this book, because overall, it was a very good book. I feel like I gained some knowledge while reading this. I’d recommend this book to families with gender-nonconforming children, and people who identify as gender-nonconforming. I’d also recommend this to anyone who read or reads Lori Duron’s blog.

[Genevieve Alissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I was in my mid-twenties, my dad told me that Ellen Degeneres coming out of the closet and my gay best friend being gay /having a boyfriend were "what was wrong with this world."  It made me incredibly sad and angry to hear him say this (not the least of which was because he still didn't know I was bisexual.)  In my opinion, Ellen and my best friend were two shining examples of what was right with the world. After finishing Raising My Rainbow: Adventures in Raising a Fabulous, Gender Creative Son* by Lori Duron (and foreward by the ever-amazing Neil Patrick Harris and his partner David Burtka)  I can say without hesitation that Lori Duron is now added to my list of "what is So Very Right with the world."  Granted, she's a "who" not a "what", but this book and the open, loving, giving, accepting, nurturing way she and her family are raising her children transcends how awesome she is as a person.  (Though she is quite kickass all on her own.)

The book centers around the titular "fabulous, gender creative" C.J., who discovers Barbie when he's just two and a half years old and sets off running down the gender creative road, leaving his family in a glittery, pink wake.  As Duron describes, "It was like watching somebody come alive, watching a flower bloom, watching a rainbow cross the sky."  From that moment on, C.J. began to discover the world of "Girl", resplendent with long, silky hair, Disney Princesses, sparkles, Monster High, skirts, Hello Kitty, heels, and the sheer awesomeness that is the color pink.  His response of pure, unadulterated glee to All Things Girly concerned his mom and dad.  C.J. is, after all, a boy.  Boys are supposed to like "boy things: trucks, dinosaurs, the color blue, to name a few.  Right?

Most times, they do.  And sometimes they don't, as Duron explains to us while making many discoveries of her own throughout the two and a half year span of her book.  When they don't, when a person who is born clearly one sex and identifies more with toys, behaviors, preferences, and styles of dress of the opposite sex, that person is considered gender nonconforming, gender creative, or gender fluid.  Should they grow up and realize that they want to wholly be the sex opposite than what they were born, they would be considered transgender and can decide whether or not to take corrective steps, including hormones and re-assignment surgery.

These are some of the facts pertaining to C.J.'s nature that Duron learns as she and her family struggle to figure out how to raise their gender creative son.  Facts help label what is going on, but they can't always tell you how to deal in the day-to-day world of elementary school bullying, judgmental friends, family, strangers, other parents, and certain Oprah-endorsed professionals.  In her day-to-day world, Duron didn't know how to handle C.J.  She didn't want him to be bullied or teased mercilessly for his preferences.  Does that mean she should only let him play with his "girl" toys or let him dress up in skirts and heels when he's at home? Should they even let him do it at all?

The book is peppered with these kinds of questions that Duron and her husband are constantly asking themselves.  As she says, "I spend a lot of time reading and researching about sex, gender, sexuality, and kids. I was hungry for anything having to do with gender-nonconforming kids, how best to parent them, and what the future may hold for them."  Sometimes, in those very few occasions when C.J. would gravitate towards something "boy" based, they briefly consider doing anything to encourage it.  During a family trip to Colorado, C.J. informs his father that he like "likes boy stuff when [he's] in Colorado."  Duron and her husband immediately begin thinking the same thing:

We could sell out home in Orange County and buy a nice home on a few acres in Colorado with cash.  What would we do for work?  How are the schools?  How are the winters?  Would my new wardrobe be rustic vintage cowgirl or bohemian cowgirl chic?

Okay, maybe not the same thing.  But close enough; they both would literally move the entire family to a new state just to keep C.J. in a place where he was comfortable and happy liking "boy" stuff.  They didn't so much want to change him as encourage him, but also have him be a person that wouldn't have to go through the difficulty that they knew a gender nonconforming person would have to go through. But they did also question the ethical and moral dilemma of whether or not they should move the family if it meant it would help change C.J.'s gender preferences and expressions. However, they quickly realize that "C.J.'s gender identity, his perception of gender, and his unique gender presentation are a part of him; they go where he goes."

The whole book is really a record of coming to that realization. How to deal with grandparents who're not as supportive as you'd like them to be (tell them about the blog you've been keeping which chronicles your challenges and blessings of parenting a gender nonconforming child; hilarity will ensue. So will more understanding and acceptance), what you want your husband to know in case something terrible happens and you're not around to be his mother (write a heart-breaking letter to your husband about what to do in this morbid worst-case scenario that is also the best written example I've ever seen of a mother's love.  I cried.  A lot.), what to do when your son tells you that when he grows up, he wants to be a girl (Panic.  Breathe.   Research.  Panic again.  Breathe summore.  Deal and love him no matter what.)

That kind of summarizes the book's and Duron's mentality: love your child(ren) no matter what.  It may seem like a simple and obvious thing to do, but it's not always easy.  I know it was a struggle for my dad to accept that I was bisexual, after I came out, but he did. He even, years later, told me my gay best friend was "really talented" and a good guy.  This is why we need books like Raising My Rainbow and why Duron is so wonderful.  The more rainbows that are openly, lovingly, proudly raised, the more acceptance people everywhere will be able to give and feel.  And that is something that's very right in the world.

*This book is officially released on September 3rd, 2013.  I was fortunate enough to win a copy as part of a First Reads giveaway.

[Sam · Rating 5 out of 5]

So so so so so good. So interesting to hear about this family's struggles - so authentically told, but so wholesome in how much they actively choose to love their gender nonconforming son each and every day. This is something that any parent or future parent or educator should read and think about. I will absolutely periodically check in on the blog, as CJ was 5 at the end of this book and is now 13!

[Angie · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a beautiful story.

[Kimmie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really powerful. C.J. sounds like an amazing kid, and you sound like an amazing mom

[Douglas Beagley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty great. A comparatively conservative "American" mom (there's a "drives an SUV and takes her kids to McDonalds after church" vibe--Barbie dolls, heels, etc) details the adventure of raising a gender non-conforming kid. Really good moments and conclusions. This is a book that can help push our culture and our society in a new direction... and it speaks to an audience that may want to change but is afraid of difference.

The vignettes come off a bit "wrapped up" or "pat"... the way that social media posts make everyone's life look just adventurous enough, but "likable" in the end.

"Raising My Rainbow" is the Reader's Digest article of gender-fluid-friendly parenting books. I feel that's actually a great book to have exist in the world. We are living in the Facebook/Instagram era, so a blogger who wraps everything up with a pink bow is a logical step forward. I similarly like that Ellen DeGeneres delivers standardized, tea cozy daytime talk show fare while also unapologetically being herself and pushing boundaries.

I get impatient with our culture--I want us to move forward faster, sooner. Raising My Rainbow moves forward gently, forgiving everyone's hesitancy and rejection, and plows forward without carnage.