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Out of the FOG: Information & Support for those with a Family Member or Loved One who Suffers From a Personality Disorder
Out of the FOG was written by a group of people who have experienced a relationship with a family member, spouse or partner who suffers from a personality disorder.
Personality disorders are serious mental-health conditions which affect millions of people but which often go undiagnosed and misunderstood. Personality disorders often deteriorate the quality of life not only of the people who suffer from them, but also their family members, spouses, partners, friends, colleagues and acquaintances.
The acronym FOG stands for Fear, Obligation & Guilt - feelings which often result from being in a relationship with a person who suffers from a Personality Disorder. It was first coined by Susan Forward & Donna Frazier in their book "Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You."
It is the goal of this book to help inform and encourage family members, spouses, partners, friends and caregivers as they try to work their way out of the confusion, out of the chaos and out of the FOG.
The emphasis of Out of the FOG is to describe personality disorders from a Non-personality-disordered individual's point of view. In other words; what is it like to live with a person with Narcissitic or Borderline Personality Disorder? What’s it like to have a parent with a Histrionic or Dependent Personality Disorder? How do you cope when confronted with the prospect of caring for someone with Obsessive-Compulsive or Avoidant Personality Disorder?
The descriptions of personality disorders given in this book are based not only on the clinical criteria used for diagnosis but also on the experiences of people who have cared for someone who suffers from a personality disorder; what it feels like, what works and what doesn't.
We often think of people in simple terms such as good and bad, friends and enemies, loving and hateful. Personality disorders are not so simple and the people who suffer from them often exhibit behaviors which are at times constructive and at other times destructive. This often creates confusion for those who come into contact with them.
If you have a family member or loved-one who suffers from a personality disorder, it is our hope that the information contained here may help you understand these behaviors better and navigate out of the FOG in your own life.
Personality disorders are serious mental-health conditions which affect millions of people but which often go undiagnosed and misunderstood. Personality disorders often deteriorate the quality of life not only of the people who suffer from them, but also their family members, spouses, partners, friends, colleagues and acquaintances.
The acronym FOG stands for Fear, Obligation & Guilt - feelings which often result from being in a relationship with a person who suffers from a Personality Disorder. It was first coined by Susan Forward & Donna Frazier in their book "Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You."
It is the goal of this book to help inform and encourage family members, spouses, partners, friends and caregivers as they try to work their way out of the confusion, out of the chaos and out of the FOG.
The emphasis of Out of the FOG is to describe personality disorders from a Non-personality-disordered individual's point of view. In other words; what is it like to live with a person with Narcissitic or Borderline Personality Disorder? What’s it like to have a parent with a Histrionic or Dependent Personality Disorder? How do you cope when confronted with the prospect of caring for someone with Obsessive-Compulsive or Avoidant Personality Disorder?
The descriptions of personality disorders given in this book are based not only on the clinical criteria used for diagnosis but also on the experiences of people who have cared for someone who suffers from a personality disorder; what it feels like, what works and what doesn't.
We often think of people in simple terms such as good and bad, friends and enemies, loving and hateful. Personality disorders are not so simple and the people who suffer from them often exhibit behaviors which are at times constructive and at other times destructive. This often creates confusion for those who come into contact with them.
If you have a family member or loved-one who suffers from a personality disorder, it is our hope that the information contained here may help you understand these behaviors better and navigate out of the FOG in your own life.
873 pages, Kindle Edition
First published November 6, 2011
35 people are currently reading
204 people want to read
About the author
Gary Walters
36 booksLibrarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
August 3, 2014
4.5 stars. "Personality Disorder" is a phrase that unfortunately sounds like someone CHOOSING to be a jerk. Not so; people with these mental illnesses have been shown to have different brain wiring than neurotypical people. (Although, like most mental disorders, there is not nearly enough clinical research on record.)
With an estimated 8-12% of the population having a personality disorder, this means if you know more than 10 people, YOU know someone with a personality disorder. An in-law, a neighbor, a co-worker, an ex or current partner, a sibling, a parent, a child. Possibly yourself (in which case, this book may be uncomfortable reading for you, though it may be helpful in finding ways to deal with the people in your life who ALSO have PD's). Like most mental disorders, there are spectrums and cycles - someone may show severe symptoms, others may show symptoms only occasionally.
Where this book excels is in the descriptions of what each personality disorder is, how it presents from the neurotypical's point of view (this would be especially helpful to a writer who wants to include a character with a personality disorder), the descriptions of what each PD is from the DSM-IV (although there is now a somewhat controversial DSM-V that is out) and sometimes from the World Health Organization's criteria for that PD. What works, in dealing with someone with a specific PD, and what DOESN'T work. (Bringing home flowers as a surprise can actually cause distress and suspicion for people with certain PD's, rather than delight and gratitude.) Where support and resources can be found.
The book is packed with links that take you to other sections of the book. For example, if you are reading the "Top 100 Traits" section, which includes the term "Engulfment," with a snapshot definition of what that means, clicking on the underlined word will take you to an expanded section on what "Engulfment" means.
The downside to this feature is that, should you choose to read the book cover to cover, there appears to be a lot of repetition. The current edition of this book does NOT have a chapter of contents, which would be handy, and there are also minor typos and occasional formatting glitches, which is why I'm subtracting a half star.
This book is fully excerpted from the Out of the FOG website - so why buy the book? #1, odd as it may sound, people don't ALWAYS have internet access, and you may want to check something when you don't. #2, if you have found the website helpful, it is an easy way to support it.
I recommend this book to anyone who has a problem relationship in his/her life (maybe it's NOT you), and to all writers, because we love to create characters who are damaged from a prior relationship or from their family of origin. This book will help us describe the long-terms damage and/or create flashbacks or backstory more realistically.
With an estimated 8-12% of the population having a personality disorder, this means if you know more than 10 people, YOU know someone with a personality disorder. An in-law, a neighbor, a co-worker, an ex or current partner, a sibling, a parent, a child. Possibly yourself (in which case, this book may be uncomfortable reading for you, though it may be helpful in finding ways to deal with the people in your life who ALSO have PD's). Like most mental disorders, there are spectrums and cycles - someone may show severe symptoms, others may show symptoms only occasionally.
Where this book excels is in the descriptions of what each personality disorder is, how it presents from the neurotypical's point of view (this would be especially helpful to a writer who wants to include a character with a personality disorder), the descriptions of what each PD is from the DSM-IV (although there is now a somewhat controversial DSM-V that is out) and sometimes from the World Health Organization's criteria for that PD. What works, in dealing with someone with a specific PD, and what DOESN'T work. (Bringing home flowers as a surprise can actually cause distress and suspicion for people with certain PD's, rather than delight and gratitude.) Where support and resources can be found.
The book is packed with links that take you to other sections of the book. For example, if you are reading the "Top 100 Traits" section, which includes the term "Engulfment," with a snapshot definition of what that means, clicking on the underlined word will take you to an expanded section on what "Engulfment" means.
The downside to this feature is that, should you choose to read the book cover to cover, there appears to be a lot of repetition. The current edition of this book does NOT have a chapter of contents, which would be handy, and there are also minor typos and occasional formatting glitches, which is why I'm subtracting a half star.
This book is fully excerpted from the Out of the FOG website - so why buy the book? #1, odd as it may sound, people don't ALWAYS have internet access, and you may want to check something when you don't. #2, if you have found the website helpful, it is an easy way to support it.
I recommend this book to anyone who has a problem relationship in his/her life (maybe it's NOT you), and to all writers, because we love to create characters who are damaged from a prior relationship or from their family of origin. This book will help us describe the long-terms damage and/or create flashbacks or backstory more realistically.
April 9, 2013
I recommend this for simple reasons,it proves to you are not alone, nor are you crazy. Dealing with someone you love that has a personality disorder may be the most frustrating and horrifying thing you ever go through. For me,so far it life it is. Having a son going through many issues, I sometimes feel crazy due to manipulation, false statements, and other things...Although the book does not tell much more than you, most likely, already know. You know a lot due to numerous counselor and therapist visists,and it puts your feelings at a perspective and gives your thoughts value. We get so used to trying to do everything for the person who has the personality disorder, we often neglect ourselves and our emotions. Did I have any "ah ha" moments? No. Do I plan on doing things differnetly becauseI read the book, regarding my son? Nope. Does it put some perspective on their struggles? I think so. For me, it gave me hope to live happily even in hard times, as there are many others dealing with the same thing. Not feeling as alone, and crazy helps a lot.
January 29, 2013
Simply the BEST book about personality disorders I have ever read.
Examines the situation from the family perspective, gives valuable insight into living with this condition in your life. Even goes as far as to mention books and films in which characters are indicative of various personality disorders.
The information comes form varied sources. If this book is helpful check out the website www.outofthefog.net.
Brilliant. Highly recommended. Cost next to nothing as an ebook.
Examines the situation from the family perspective, gives valuable insight into living with this condition in your life. Even goes as far as to mention books and films in which characters are indicative of various personality disorders.
The information comes form varied sources. If this book is helpful check out the website www.outofthefog.net.
Brilliant. Highly recommended. Cost next to nothing as an ebook.
June 23, 2014
This book pretty much is the Out of the FOG website transcribed word-for-word into book form. Everything that is in this book can be found on their website, and a lot of the information/sections in the book are repeated. Combined with the typos, this makes for a long, boring, and difficult read. I wouldn't recommend anyone spend their money on this book when you can get the exact same information for free on their website.
March 23, 2015
A good book though not formatted well. Insight into my ex and how to better handle those situations that arise and in helping our daughter navigate and build a better relationship with her father.
February 10, 2016
This book got a little repetitive at some points, but I think it has been a huge help in my recovery.
January 7, 2017
Excellent. Easy to understand. Practical.
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews