Facing Up To It

by Dawn Shaw

When Dawn has a fast-growing tumor removed shortly after birth, it not only reshapes the left half of her face, leaving it deconstructed and paralyzed; it reshapes her entire life. Her journey of self-discovery and acceptance involves the physical, the emotional and the spiritual. Reconstructive procedures during her childhood are necessary to improve jaw alignment and function, and each surgery presents its own set of experiences, challenges and complications. Yet each also leaves its own scars. She is teased, mocked and bullied, and friendships don’t come easily, but she has the love, support and protection of her parents, two siblings and a few close friends. Upon reaching puberty, however, the crushing reality sets in that she is unattractive to opposite sex. In high school, she bands with the other outcasts who give her a sense of community and help restructure her belief system. An affinity for horses manifests early, beginning with Breyer models and transforming eventually into a devotion to the Icelandic horse breed, which becomes an important part of her education and her life. She finds sexual partners but not love, and one destructive relationship with a drug addict helps her to understand how easily codependency takes hold and how difficult it is to muster the courage and confidence to break free. Yet she never gives up on love, always believing that there are men out there who will look deeper than her face and discover other attractive qualities. She continues with cosmetic procedures in an effort to make her face look more symmetrical, yet a failed surgery that nearly costs her life causes her to re-examine the value and necessity of these. She concludes that medical science can’t mask her paralysis and decides to put an end to the painful and imperfect surgeries and to accept her face for what it is. However, acceptance doesn’t automatically make everything better. She must still endure the intent stares and silent mockery of children, but instead of being hurt and bothered, she learns to redirect their attention and tries to turn their curiosity into an educational experience. Through intense examination of herself and human nature, Dawn learns to embrace her uniqueness and manages to turn a disability into an asset. And for better or worse, she knows how to make an impression.

326 pages, Paperback

First published January 17, 2013

About the author

When I was born I could barely breathe. A fast-growing tumor, called a teratoma, was interfering with my wind pipe, and I was rushed off for an immediate tracheostomy. The eventual complete removal of the teratoma permanently altered the left side of my face, leaving me with misaligned jaws, hearing loss and paralysis. Growing up not looking quite “normal” changes the way the world looks at me, which in turn affects my view of the world. However, I learned how to turn a potential liability into an asset, and most importantly, I don’t let what some would consider a deformity stop me from living. I am also an inspirational speaker, helping to dispel fear and ignorance by encouraging knowledge and understanding of people with physical differences so that we can become more accepted in society. I currently live near Belfair, WA with my husband Ian, three cats, two dogs, and a varying number of Icelandic horses.

Reviews

[Appledorf · Rating 1 out of 5]

I couldn’t finish this book. The author is writing about her life long search for acceptance and happiness despite having a different face. However the book reads like a compilation of bits and pieces that the author had written from high school to adulthood-- short snippets describing various hobbies that were thrown together and called a book. Some chapters such as medical challenges and meeting her husband are engrossing. If the author had cut 1/3 to ½ of this book and stuck with her main theme of finding happiness and love despite having a non-standard face, the book would have been much better.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interesting read, couldn't put it down. I'm not usually into biographies, but I found myself drawn into this one.