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I Am Not Your Victim: Anatomy of Domestic Violence
Detailing the domestic violence suffered by the first author during her 16 year marriage, this moving volume details the background and events leading up to and immediately following Beth Sipe's tragic act of desperation: ending the life of the perpetrator.
Encouraged to publish her story by her therapist and co-author, Evelyn Hall, Sipe relates how her case was mishandled by the police, the military, a mental health professional and the welfare system, illustrating how women like herself are further victimized and neglected by the very systems that are expected to provide assistance. Her story is followed by seven commentaries by experts in the field. They discuss the causes and process of spousal abuse, reasons why battered women stay, and the dynamic consequences of domestic violence.
Encouraged to publish her story by her therapist and co-author, Evelyn Hall, Sipe relates how her case was mishandled by the police, the military, a mental health professional and the welfare system, illustrating how women like herself are further victimized and neglected by the very systems that are expected to provide assistance. Her story is followed by seven commentaries by experts in the field. They discuss the causes and process of spousal abuse, reasons why battered women stay, and the dynamic consequences of domestic violence.
- GenresNonfictionFeminismMemoir
304 pages, Paperback
First published May 1, 1996
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
January 22, 2022
I read this book in college for one of my courses in social work. At that time, I was not prepared for the emotional magnitude of this book. But honestly, I don't know how anyone could truly ever be fully prepared for the contents that are presented in this book.
.
Beth's story is painful, dark, and difficult but it is extremely powerful and important. It needs to be heard. The horrific accounts of abuse that Beth was subjected to is one that still haunts me to this day. It is a very heavy read but it shines a crucial light onto the toxic clutches of domestic violence and the ruthless resilience of its survivors.
.
Beth's story is painful, dark, and difficult but it is extremely powerful and important. It needs to be heard. The horrific accounts of abuse that Beth was subjected to is one that still haunts me to this day. It is a very heavy read but it shines a crucial light onto the toxic clutches of domestic violence and the ruthless resilience of its survivors.
October 29, 2020
so incredibly compelling and impactful... a story i'll never forget
July 20, 2011
As a woman this was extremely disturbing, and brought about strong anguish, and frustration to see that a woman would let a good for nothing of a man do such heinous things to her. Although towards the end I found her courage to be very inspiring, and brought about relieve. Would recommend any woman to read this whether one has found themselves in this situation or not.
March 17, 2014
A powerful, insightful story of a woman's real journey to escape and recover from abuse. Highly recommended to anyone looking for a first-person narrative of the consequences of abuse and how long they can cast an impression on you.
I will add this book is not for the faint of heart as it graphically details episodic violence in honest detail.
I will add this book is not for the faint of heart as it graphically details episodic violence in honest detail.
October 1, 2012
Heartbreaking as well as frustrating. I hate that so many women endure this pain and suffering.
March 28, 2025
"I saw the sun. It warmed my face, it warmed my soul.
'Look at me, I’m beautiful and I’m alive and I will
not allow anyone to stomp or smash me again.'
This is the first spring of the rest of my life."
Similar to many others, I had to read this book as part of one of my electives for my BSW. Though I enjoyed many other novels I have read for classes, I knew this one would have the most impact on me. I am drawn to domestic violence and sexual abuse cases and I am constantly trying to improve my work with clients facing situations similar to what Beth had to go through.
This was an incredibly difficult read, not just because of the intense descriptions of abuse but also the explanation of several manipulation tactics I have not only seen in my work but in my personal life as well. Clearly, I have learned about such manipulation tactics in my classes, but hearing someone describe the constant cycle of abuse over the course of sixteen years truly put it into perspective of why it is so difficult for women to leave abusive situations. I admit, I find myself incredibly biased when domestic violence situations include children such as in Beth's story - how could they keep going back when their partner is not only hurting them but their children as well? I have one particular case right now that is challenging me to understand the why and practice non-judgement.
This book also provides excellent commentary on the systems that keep women in abusive situations as well. Child protective services treated her as one of the perpetrators of abuse rather than a victim, which only caused Beth's mental health issues to become worse. The air force did not do their due diligence in ensuring Sam's family was being taken care of, emotionally, financially, or otherwise. This book is clearly a product of its time, but this is why military social workers are so incredibly important and deserve funding. One bright spot in this book was the judge acknowledging her circumstances and dismissing her case, but the fact that Beth has to live with the fact that she could still be prosecuted for the rest of her life is just salt in the wound.
I have been referring to Beth Sipe by her first name because, as mentioned in the book, you truly feel as though you get to know her through this story. I find this unfortunate because her life, not just the 16 years, is truly defined by her abuse. The before, during, and the aftermath. I am glad she has created a silver lining through all of this, but I wish nothing but peace for her.
Though this memoir was perfect for my social work class, I think it's also necessary for young women and men to read before entering the dating scene. Adolescents now are entering very serious relationships before they are ready and growing up much faster than they need to. I am incredibly thankful for the support systems I have that allowed me to leave potentially abusive situations in the past, but not every child has that. Not everyone, even grown adults, know the signs of abuse nor do they know how to get out of an abusive situation. All I can hope is that dating violence and domestic abuse becomes more widely taught. Children who grew up in domestic violence situations need to understand that there does not always need to be a violent and angry man in their house.
'Look at me, I’m beautiful and I’m alive and I will
not allow anyone to stomp or smash me again.'
This is the first spring of the rest of my life."
Similar to many others, I had to read this book as part of one of my electives for my BSW. Though I enjoyed many other novels I have read for classes, I knew this one would have the most impact on me. I am drawn to domestic violence and sexual abuse cases and I am constantly trying to improve my work with clients facing situations similar to what Beth had to go through.
This was an incredibly difficult read, not just because of the intense descriptions of abuse but also the explanation of several manipulation tactics I have not only seen in my work but in my personal life as well. Clearly, I have learned about such manipulation tactics in my classes, but hearing someone describe the constant cycle of abuse over the course of sixteen years truly put it into perspective of why it is so difficult for women to leave abusive situations. I admit, I find myself incredibly biased when domestic violence situations include children such as in Beth's story - how could they keep going back when their partner is not only hurting them but their children as well? I have one particular case right now that is challenging me to understand the why and practice non-judgement.
This book also provides excellent commentary on the systems that keep women in abusive situations as well. Child protective services treated her as one of the perpetrators of abuse rather than a victim, which only caused Beth's mental health issues to become worse. The air force did not do their due diligence in ensuring Sam's family was being taken care of, emotionally, financially, or otherwise. This book is clearly a product of its time, but this is why military social workers are so incredibly important and deserve funding. One bright spot in this book was the judge acknowledging her circumstances and dismissing her case, but the fact that Beth has to live with the fact that she could still be prosecuted for the rest of her life is just salt in the wound.
I have been referring to Beth Sipe by her first name because, as mentioned in the book, you truly feel as though you get to know her through this story. I find this unfortunate because her life, not just the 16 years, is truly defined by her abuse. The before, during, and the aftermath. I am glad she has created a silver lining through all of this, but I wish nothing but peace for her.
Though this memoir was perfect for my social work class, I think it's also necessary for young women and men to read before entering the dating scene. Adolescents now are entering very serious relationships before they are ready and growing up much faster than they need to. I am incredibly thankful for the support systems I have that allowed me to leave potentially abusive situations in the past, but not every child has that. Not everyone, even grown adults, know the signs of abuse nor do they know how to get out of an abusive situation. All I can hope is that dating violence and domestic abuse becomes more widely taught. Children who grew up in domestic violence situations need to understand that there does not always need to be a violent and angry man in their house.
April 2, 2018
5 stars. I feel like this book is so so important. This book follows Beth as she narrates her story and life with Sam. I want to say don't be put off or intimidated by the part that says "Anatomy of Domestic Violence" or the fact that it is an autobiography. This book is captivating from start to end, the story just grips you and I will say beware because it does get graphic and intense. There will be moments where you will probably need to stop and take a moment because it can get hard to read. There was one point where I was reading and it was just too much, I had to stop and take a breather. That said this story is gripping and will educate and give insight into domestic violence.
March 27, 2022
I have no idea how this woman lived through such horrors. My personal experience with domestic abuse pales in comparison. I hope that by more women sharing their stories, the truth of the inequity of power in those relationships will be revealed and abusers’ behavior will face more consequences.
March 25, 2021
Beth Sipe is a Warrior. She will forever hold a special space is my heart, a space I go to when I need strength.
November 30, 2022
A horrifying peak into domestic violence. every woman should read it
August 13, 2015
This is a very well written account of one woman's journey with domestic violence. Beth's voice narrates the story and even when the story unfolds unfavorably towards her, she continues to share her experiences living in an abusive relationship. I found this book very emotional to read and it took me longer than normal, as I had to 'come up for air' many times. I highly recommend this book especially for those who believe women "ask for it" and believe that women are "weak" who remain in violent relationships. Beth Snipe is an amazing strong woman for having survived through the war that raged for decades in and out of her home.
September 28, 2014
The cycle of violence is real. Love is complicated. Heartbreaking in its rawness, yet heartwarming to see Beth's strength despite her circumstances. A powerful account of domestic violence, without rose-coloured glasses, contacts or monocles.
November 6, 2013
insightful
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews