Hi Kids! Devina here again. As a sexy she-devil, I don't really celebrate Christmas, but I did want to wish everyone a happy holiday season, and let you know that CRAVE, the second novel in J.R. Ward's Fallen Angel series, is actually kind of . . . well, meh would be the word I guess.
I really had high hopes for this one going in. I really thought I was going to get some more steamy sex with Jim Heron, the blue collar angel with the wings and the cute little scruffy dog. But of course, we're on opposite sides of the whole World Series of Souls thing. You know, Heaven vs. Hell, fighting over seven mortal souls, best of seven wins. It's actually a lot more boring than it sounds!
This time around, our mortal couple turns out to be pretty appealing, but the love story never really gets going. First you have Grier Childe, a blonde, upper-class lady lawyer who is still mourning for her dead junkie brother and spends a lot of time helping poor (white) people in prison. I liked Grier. She was like a modern Grace Kelly type, with fabulous clothes and loads of aristocratic sex appeal. I just wish I could have taken over her body, and run through the streets of Boston naked!
But no, Grier gets to keep her own body in this book. And she even gets a hunk named Isaac Rothe, one of those mysterious Special Ops guys Jim used to run around with . . . back when he walked among the living. Now the problem with Isaac is, he never gets much of a personality. See, the whole XOPS premise is that these guys have no family, no ties, and no past. So Isaac really doesn't "exist" and his personality is actually pretty bland. We're told he has a "delicious" Southern accent (delicious to upper class Boston lawyers, I guess) but we never find out if he's from the Georgia pinewoods or the Louisiana bayous, if he's proud of his southern roots or embarrassed by them, or why he hated his family so much or who he dated in high school. Basically he just exists to make Grier coffee and worship her social status and aristocratic blonde looks. I'm just a she-devil, mind you, but it all seems pretty decadent to me. It reminds me of a crack Gore Vidal made once about short story writer John O'Hara, how his blue collar characters are always fawning over the country club types "in an ecstasy of social inferiority." Nailed it Mr. Vidal!
Now if Grier and Isaac could have had a real relationship, and confronted the huge real-life problems they might actually face, (she's a lawyer pulling down seven figures, from a very old family, he fell off a turnip truck and has about a seventh grade education) it could have been a good romance. Their early love scenes are super hot, and as a she-devil I know from hot! But see, J.R. Ward has an annoying habit of ignoring her own strengths and playing to her weaknesses. So no sooner do Grier and Isaac start exploring the joys of omelets and oral sex, (she's good at one, and he's very good at the other) we interrupt this sexy romance novel to bring you the world's most annoying villain.
What's that you say? Me? Did you think I meant . . . moi?
Oh no! I'm a sexy she-devil with a fabulous body and a great sense of humor, but I DON'T get to be the main villain in this second Fallen Angel novel. No, no, no! Good old J.R. Ward, in her wisdom, brings in a guy named Matthias, who is crippled, ugly, boring, wears an eye-patch, and is constantly whining about his bad heart. Sexy, huh? Oh, well. At least he chews the scenery like the corniest of old-time villains! He's the head of X OPS, see, and he keeps giving out bad "assignments" to guys he doesn't like, while bragging (over and over and over) of his own infallible wisdom and all-knowing powers.
Do you know how irritating this jerk gets after about fifty pages? He's not exactly Darth Vader. He's more like "The Pin" in the classic Indie film BRICK. (I kept waiting for Isaac to pull a Tug and yell, "I ain't taking no more orders from no costumed cripple!") No, on second thought, Matthias isn't even that cool. He's more like the perverted teenage loser Archie in Robert Cormier's classic YA novel THE CHOCOLATE WAR. Ever read that book? "I'm warning you, Obie. I'm the leader of the Vigils, and I'm a super genius. No one crosses me or else I come up with an assignment and they end up selling chocolates for all eternity!" Why on earth does the most gifted and original romance writer in the world want to steal her villain from a book that's usually assigned to under-achieving Seventh Graders as punishment?
I never bought that Matthias was tough, or that he ran X OPS, or that he had real ties to the government, or anything else. His all-knowing pose was fall down laughing funny, as was his melodramatic "heart trouble" and his spiritual malaise. At one point he stops into a church and gets down on his knees and begins to pray, and has a total change of heart. It's that corny. It's that stupid. Really the whole gang should have just started singing "California Dreaming" at that point, with Danny the Dead Junkie leading the chorus! "You know the preacher likes the cold . . ." Yeah, and J.R. Ward likes the sentimental cliche of the reformed villain!
So the longer the book drags on, the less we hear about the omelets and the oral sex, and the more endless, endless, discussions we get about Matthias and his guilty conscience, and Grier's angelic dead junkie brother. Did you ever notice that when rich white people get strung out on drugs, they're tragic victims, but when it happens to colored folks and the working poor they're just low-life junkies? Oh, and little Danny (don't call him David Kennedy) he didn't REALLY overdose, he was held down and FORCED to OD by evil government minions! Ah, the old secret conspiracy that absolves the beloved family member from blame. So very convenient, and so delightfully cheesy!
Now Jim Heron and I, we do have a couple of confrontations in this book, but they aren't as sexy as I would have expected. Or wanted! See, our man Jim has this thing where if a woman has normal sexual feelings for him he has to turn into a lightning bolt and knock her across the room. But if she's a dead fourteen year old girl who exists in a permanent state of mummified virginity he gets down on his knees and worships her. Well, I may be a sexy she-devil, Jim, but at least I'm not a repressed crypto-Catholic pervert with a sickeningly Victorian double standard about sex! Now Jimmy's two heavenly flunkies, Eddie and Adrian, they have sex with mortals all the time! How come when they do it it's cute but when I do it I'm a slut?
Right now I just don't know if I can handle another book in the Fallen Angel series. I don't want to be a pawn in J.R. Ward's game any more. I'm tired of the distorted sexual values, the sickening sentimentality about class privilege, and the disturbing absence of people of color. I think next time around I'm just going to stay in my room and count my lipsticks over and over!