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Dealing with Difficult People
Working with difficult people is always a challenge, but it's possible to defuse tense situations through an understanding of aggressive behavior. Roy Lilley provides practical ways to recognize the different types of difficult people, resolve disputes and handle complaints. This easy-to-follow book is essential for managers looking to improve performance, sales people looking to win more business and anyone who works with the difficult colleagues or the public.
150 pages, Paperback
First published October 8, 2001
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512 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 60 reviews
March 31, 2022
Dealing with Difficult People by Roy Lilley narrated by Timothy Andrés Pabon Audible's book's presentation and narrated very nicely with a calm and soft voice. This book reminds me of beneficial handling books for people management. It seems very practical with valuable suggestions for the managers, Bose's or people working with others.
April 19, 2015
I recommend taking the author's advice in the preface: don't read this book from cover to cover. Read sections that apply to situations as they arise. Reading through (as I did) is not as useful, because the book has quite a bit of repetition from one section to the next.
One section worth reading at the outset is Chapter 2, in which the author outlines seven categories of difficult people. This was my favorite part of the book; I found it helpful to mentally sort difficult people to prepare for future encounters.
One section worth reading at the outset is Chapter 2, in which the author outlines seven categories of difficult people. This was my favorite part of the book; I found it helpful to mentally sort difficult people to prepare for future encounters.
September 1, 2023
I saw this one pop up on audio as a freebie download and I thought.. why not? .. we could all use a bit of advice when it comes to dealing with difficult people.
It started off strong and I loved the jovial quotes at the start of each chapter (they made me smile) but I found the more I listened, the more repetitive it got.. but maybe that’s the whole point? Eg: stick to the facts felt like it was stuck on a broken record!
It’s set out in a way that you can click on a particular topic to get targeted advice which is super handy and something I can see myself coming back to. None of the chapters are particularly long which also is a win as your attention isn’t lost amongst the waffle.
I especially enjoyed the unpacking of the ‘types’ of difficult people, how they present in nature, and how to divide and conquer them. I feel a lot of people will find this section not only educational but also valuable.
It’s heavily focused on what ‘you’ can do, not on playing the blame game on why things are, which is really proactive. By improving our own performance and actions, we can hopefully inspire others. However the book also states, ‘if we plant some seeds and flowers don’t grow, it’s no good blaming the flower, it could be due to the fertiliser, soil, water and not enough light.’ I interpreted this as there can be multiple factors at play, so broaden your thinking outside the box.
There is a large section on workplace relationships which is relevant to most in one way or another. I laughed at the comment of the quietest place often being the loo - because it couldn’t be more accurate. There is also a lot of informative tips on conflict, bullying, poor management, laziness, competition and the big one - communication, both in the power of strong form and the failing of the absent form causing cracks. I am choosing not to attach my opinions and thoughts to this section other than acknowledging it is helpful and eye opening.
Top takeaways:
-don’t take it personally, it’s not always about you
-avoid anger, don’t argue, walk away
-think before you act, remember the facts
-beware of the quiet ones, open them up
-ignore one-up-manship, you will shine on your own
-know your staff, you will get more out of them if they feel valued
-lead by example, help raise others
-admit when you are wrong, honesty is powerful
-trust your instinct, if it doesn’t feel right, don’t wear it
-knowledge is power, find out, ask questions and avoid gossip
-criticism is as valuable as a compliment, adapt this mindset
-Communication: is the key and the lock to all success and failure. It is the heart of every employee relationship problem.
Parting advice: Life is too short to spend it having a row with people. Focusing on the problem solves nothing, finding a solution solves all.
A great little listening reminder on what’s important and what’s not worth your energy.
It started off strong and I loved the jovial quotes at the start of each chapter (they made me smile) but I found the more I listened, the more repetitive it got.. but maybe that’s the whole point? Eg: stick to the facts felt like it was stuck on a broken record!
It’s set out in a way that you can click on a particular topic to get targeted advice which is super handy and something I can see myself coming back to. None of the chapters are particularly long which also is a win as your attention isn’t lost amongst the waffle.
I especially enjoyed the unpacking of the ‘types’ of difficult people, how they present in nature, and how to divide and conquer them. I feel a lot of people will find this section not only educational but also valuable.
It’s heavily focused on what ‘you’ can do, not on playing the blame game on why things are, which is really proactive. By improving our own performance and actions, we can hopefully inspire others. However the book also states, ‘if we plant some seeds and flowers don’t grow, it’s no good blaming the flower, it could be due to the fertiliser, soil, water and not enough light.’ I interpreted this as there can be multiple factors at play, so broaden your thinking outside the box.
There is a large section on workplace relationships which is relevant to most in one way or another. I laughed at the comment of the quietest place often being the loo - because it couldn’t be more accurate. There is also a lot of informative tips on conflict, bullying, poor management, laziness, competition and the big one - communication, both in the power of strong form and the failing of the absent form causing cracks. I am choosing not to attach my opinions and thoughts to this section other than acknowledging it is helpful and eye opening.
Top takeaways:
-don’t take it personally, it’s not always about you
-avoid anger, don’t argue, walk away
-think before you act, remember the facts
-beware of the quiet ones, open them up
-ignore one-up-manship, you will shine on your own
-know your staff, you will get more out of them if they feel valued
-lead by example, help raise others
-admit when you are wrong, honesty is powerful
-trust your instinct, if it doesn’t feel right, don’t wear it
-knowledge is power, find out, ask questions and avoid gossip
-criticism is as valuable as a compliment, adapt this mindset
-Communication: is the key and the lock to all success and failure. It is the heart of every employee relationship problem.
Parting advice: Life is too short to spend it having a row with people. Focusing on the problem solves nothing, finding a solution solves all.
A great little listening reminder on what’s important and what’s not worth your energy.
May 30, 2019
This is one book among many in a series assisting with different aspects of life. This one in particular is about how to deal with difficult people. Now, this is some dry stuff. I wish there had been some personal real life aspects to this. There are examples for each segment they speak about but I mean the author, speaking in first person, telling his own experience with this. I think I would have connected with it more that way.
The contents of this book are solid. Good advice. But this isn’t something you are going to remember a few days after reading it. You will need to keep this in your library and use it as a reference book when the need for such information arises.
I needed a more personal slant but over all it is a solid read.
I received this as an ARC (Advanced Reader Copy) in return for an honest review. I thank NetGalley, the publisher and the author for allowing me to read this title.
The contents of this book are solid. Good advice. But this isn’t something you are going to remember a few days after reading it. You will need to keep this in your library and use it as a reference book when the need for such information arises.
I needed a more personal slant but over all it is a solid read.
I received this as an ARC (Advanced Reader Copy) in return for an honest review. I thank NetGalley, the publisher and the author for allowing me to read this title.
November 17, 2021
One of the free books with Audible subscription, I didn't expect much and thus was also not disappointed. A collection of general management principles which acts as a refresher, but did not find any novel insights. 48 Laws of Power is a better (but much more evil) book for this purpose.
The book lists seven types of difficult people and how to "deal with them" in different positions and situations (bosses, colleagues, subordinates, egoists, the lazy ones, the bullies, perfectionists, manipulators, stubborn, fault-finders and nit-pickers, troublesome customers, meetings, changes):
*Hostile, aggressive, belligerent and offensive
*Complainer, grouches and the sourpuss
*The silent unresponsive and the quiet ones
*The super agreeable: a bit like a spaniel puppu
*The negativist
*The know-all
*The indecisive, the ditherer, the hesitant
The one part I liked was probably regarding meetings and the descriptions of the different difficult role models there:
*Dinosaurs - unwilling or unable to move, accept a new idea or new working practices.
*Doodlers- making more or less elaborate drawings on notepaper while you are talking (problem if not paying attention).
*Eager puppies - keep trying to help, but their inventions do more harm than good.
*Exhibitionists - ask embarrassing questions about their personal situation or indulge in extreme self-relevation, wash dirty linen in public or launch into self-focusing anecdotes.
*Experts - want to be recognized as expert.
*Gripe-masters - fatalistically negative in everything, including their body language.
*Hijackers - want to take over the meeting.
*Hostile people - interpret every new idea as a personal attack on their behavior or knowledge.
*Jokers - can't stop telling jokes and funny stories.
*Nit-pickers - want to follow rules, even to the detriment of efficiency.
*Rivals - two people who use the meeting to "get at each other".
*Show-offs - seek the spotlight to prove themselves (not interested in helping but only impressing others).
*Shy people - avoid eye contact, blush easily and speak rarely and in quiet voice.
*Sleepers - yawn...
*Slow coaches - keep getting it wrong
*Speedy Gonzales - always step ahead when asking questions and impatient with slower colleagues.
*The sneaky ones - seem to be waiting to trap you.
*Trouble makers - want attention, even if it's negative.
*Whispereres - make whispered comments to their neighbours.
*Woolly thinkers - make huge abstract contributions and ask rambling unclear questions.
Recognize any of those in you or in your meetings?
The book lists seven types of difficult people and how to "deal with them" in different positions and situations (bosses, colleagues, subordinates, egoists, the lazy ones, the bullies, perfectionists, manipulators, stubborn, fault-finders and nit-pickers, troublesome customers, meetings, changes):
*Hostile, aggressive, belligerent and offensive
*Complainer, grouches and the sourpuss
*The silent unresponsive and the quiet ones
*The super agreeable: a bit like a spaniel puppu
*The negativist
*The know-all
*The indecisive, the ditherer, the hesitant
The one part I liked was probably regarding meetings and the descriptions of the different difficult role models there:
*Dinosaurs - unwilling or unable to move, accept a new idea or new working practices.
*Doodlers- making more or less elaborate drawings on notepaper while you are talking (problem if not paying attention).
*Eager puppies - keep trying to help, but their inventions do more harm than good.
*Exhibitionists - ask embarrassing questions about their personal situation or indulge in extreme self-relevation, wash dirty linen in public or launch into self-focusing anecdotes.
*Experts - want to be recognized as expert.
*Gripe-masters - fatalistically negative in everything, including their body language.
*Hijackers - want to take over the meeting.
*Hostile people - interpret every new idea as a personal attack on their behavior or knowledge.
*Jokers - can't stop telling jokes and funny stories.
*Nit-pickers - want to follow rules, even to the detriment of efficiency.
*Rivals - two people who use the meeting to "get at each other".
*Show-offs - seek the spotlight to prove themselves (not interested in helping but only impressing others).
*Shy people - avoid eye contact, blush easily and speak rarely and in quiet voice.
*Sleepers - yawn...
*Slow coaches - keep getting it wrong
*Speedy Gonzales - always step ahead when asking questions and impatient with slower colleagues.
*The sneaky ones - seem to be waiting to trap you.
*Trouble makers - want attention, even if it's negative.
*Whispereres - make whispered comments to their neighbours.
*Woolly thinkers - make huge abstract contributions and ask rambling unclear questions.
Recognize any of those in you or in your meetings?
May 19, 2021
Very good book! Although...there are definitely a few things in here that I don't think would work as well as Mr. Lilley might hope. I've run into enough crazy people in my life to know that not all of this is going to be solid gold advice, but altogether, a lot of great solutions and ideas regardless.
February 4, 2019
Many thanks for this book, it made me think and to be more calm with the "Difficult People" around me. Even if it is hard, it worth to try. To not forget that the difficult person you can be yourself.
November 28, 2020
3.5 stars. I honestly got this book to identify what kind of difficult person I am. And I did. The book is an easy read with some interesting points.
December 7, 2010
A book with many good ways to handle problems with other people. I learned several methods of confronting an angry customer. Well worth a read if you work with the public. First don't take it personally. What do you want to get out of the encounter? Let me see if I understand what you are saying. I anm sorry you are so crsoo, but we need to deal with this rationally. Count form 1 t 20 backwards bullies need two things an audience and a victim. Acknowledge theeeeeeir anger. THen ask a question. THen repeat back what they jhust said. Screamer recate with lower voice tones. Make npotes of a course of action. I can see you are upset repeat back to them until thet hear themselves.
January 29, 2019
A pretty comprehensive "if this then that" type of book, probably mostly use for those who are very early into people management, and want concrete, firm solutions to given situations.
Would maybe recommend to someone new in management, but definitely would not recommend anyone later on. :)
Would maybe recommend to someone new in management, but definitely would not recommend anyone later on. :)
January 29, 2022
Free audible listen.
January 10, 2023
Nothing new. At some points it felt like it was made for a kids audience because of the way the author stops and explain some concepts that are super basic.
June 1, 2019
Straightforward, no-nonsense, fun, witty. And useful! And not malicious, which is very important.
This is not a complicated psychological book, but the book showing the straight solutions - which are not simple-minded, but might be truly working! (*might* because I have not tried all if them :))
Really, I find the approach being working - mature, solution-minded, reflective (take you into the equation!) and practical. I even found some points to solve my work problems (and where I might be part of the problem).
Read more on the subject, but this is definitely book I would recommend as a part of the understanding the problem and solution.
This is not a complicated psychological book, but the book showing the straight solutions - which are not simple-minded, but might be truly working! (*might* because I have not tried all if them :))
Really, I find the approach being working - mature, solution-minded, reflective (take you into the equation!) and practical. I even found some points to solve my work problems (and where I might be part of the problem).
Read more on the subject, but this is definitely book I would recommend as a part of the understanding the problem and solution.
February 12, 2023
A compendium of advice for dealing with different types of difficult people and a bonus chapter on dealing with change. The author disclaims that the book isn't comprehensive, nor meant to be read cover-to-cover, but provides some ideas to deal with various situations.
+ Basic advice with examples for each situation. Very easy to follow/read.
- Some of the advice is quite dated (esp around social media) or quite limited.
- Compared to other management books, this is both thin on details and lacking frameworks to think about approaching difficult people.
Overall this won't take too much of your time to read and might serve as a handy reference for new managers.
+ Basic advice with examples for each situation. Very easy to follow/read.
- Some of the advice is quite dated (esp around social media) or quite limited.
- Compared to other management books, this is both thin on details and lacking frameworks to think about approaching difficult people.
Overall this won't take too much of your time to read and might serve as a handy reference for new managers.
January 19, 2022
This is not a book I would have been likely to pick up of my own accord, but it was among the few I had to pick from while needing to kill time at work. Honestly, I rather enjoyed it. It's useful, but it's also entertaining and didn't read like some kind of manual, like many of the other books of its type I've picked up over the last couple of years. This definitely wasn't something that would normally be in my wheelhouse, but I did learn something from it and actually had fun doing so. Not a terrible way to spend a slow afternoon.
July 3, 2020
It was on the bookshelf at T&D audit firm in Galle Srilanka (A reputed business firm attached to RSM international)
I love the most the latter final 10 tips that may help me cool and I loved the opportunity for me to be angry but with dignity.Oh my god that’s awesome.
My sincere thanks to The Author and my friend who gave lended me his book Mr Dhammika Lokuge The Managing Partner of T&D Group Sri Lanka.
I love the most the latter final 10 tips that may help me cool and I loved the opportunity for me to be angry but with dignity.Oh my god that’s awesome.
My sincere thanks to The Author and my friend who gave lended me his book Mr Dhammika Lokuge The Managing Partner of T&D Group Sri Lanka.
January 22, 2021
It's a very goood book.
What I really like is that it is full of recipes that your can follow for different specific situations when dealing with people. I also liked very much the step by step intructions when dealing with social media, cyberbullying etc... I feel as though there several things to take away, and perhaps some of this steps distribute as information in the workpkaces as: what do do when...
Great book, thanks!
What I really like is that it is full of recipes that your can follow for different specific situations when dealing with people. I also liked very much the step by step intructions when dealing with social media, cyberbullying etc... I feel as though there several things to take away, and perhaps some of this steps distribute as information in the workpkaces as: what do do when...
Great book, thanks!
May 1, 2021
I finished listening to the small audiobook Dealing with "Difficult People: Fast, Effective Strategies for Handling Problem People" by Roy Lilley. The author gave specific tips and advise on how to handle difficult people and situations. While I don't agree with all the recommendations, I think many of those are useful and handy.
Source: http://www.dragon-bishop.com/2021/05/...
Source: http://www.dragon-bishop.com/2021/05/...
January 25, 2023
This one is not great. It feels pretty disorganized and sporadic. The end discusses bullying and includes a pretty in depth discussion of cyber bullying. The entirety of that section felt pretty basic and honestly, a little childish. I was able to glean one helpful tip from this book about motivating people to make asks of people whether sales or volunteering. Maybe that made it worth it. The section on change management is decent as well.
June 23, 2024
Короткий і майже повний зміст книги:
Залишайтесь спокійними. Опирайтесь на факти. Не переходьте на особистість. Не критикуйте, а пропонуйте варіанти вирішення ситуації.
Деякі поради щодо комунікації ДУЖЕ суперечні.
Залишайтесь спокійними. Опирайтесь на факти. Не переходьте на особистість. Не критикуйте, а пропонуйте варіанти вирішення ситуації.
Деякі поради щодо комунікації ДУЖЕ суперечні.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 19, 2018
A fost si distractiva dar si practica.
Repetitia e mama incvataturii asa ca nu-mi strica sa mi se repete aceleasi idei cu alte cuvinte.
Prefer sa mi se repete lucrurile folositoare pentru a mi le baga in cap mai usor.
Repetitia e mama incvataturii asa ca nu-mi strica sa mi se repete aceleasi idei cu alte cuvinte.
Prefer sa mi se repete lucrurile folositoare pentru a mi le baga in cap mai usor.
November 8, 2019
It was a good book, I like the scenario lines used to resolve a problem. Perhaps it's better fitting to read chapters relevant to what you're dealing with, because reading the book at once can be dry at times. I like the fact the author posted references it was a nice gesture 👌🏻
December 26, 2022
Great book I need cue cards and posters set up everywhere so when it’s happening I can just pull up the right words and behaviors to stop them in their tracks…. So I don’t have to imagine the 1 bullet response.
June 16, 2025
Average at best, does put together some concepts nicely and the layout is easy to digest but you're not going to find anything ground-breaking or find deep dives into why X works better than Y with data. It's a surface level book on how to focus on the conflict and how to resolve it.
September 21, 2018
A practical, useful way of coping with conflict in the immediate context - what it misses is a peace-making context that reduces a climate of conflict and tension in the longer term.
December 18, 2019
There is a lot of good information here, but the writing style is pretty condescending.
February 24, 2021
If I read this earlier, I would have different outcome the last time I burst at the office
September 25, 2021
Tots Amaz Balls!!
November 14, 2021
Oversimplified perspective on complex matters. The author gives x, y, z advice as if he is Moses presenting the ten commendments. Not worth your time.
September 4, 2022
I wish Goodreads allowed rating books with negative stars. This book deserves none. Its a user manual on how to deal with workplace challenges for Fucking ROBOTS, not HUMANS.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 60 reviews