If I Were You

by P.G. Wodehouse

An unflinchingly hard-hitting Wodehousian look at the dual themes of hair restoration and heir restoration. This richly comic 1931 novel is one of the master's rarest works.

Genres: Fiction, Humor, Classics, Comedy, British Literature, Novels, 20th Century

224 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1931

About the author

Sir Pelham Grenville Wodehouse, KBE, was a comic writer who enjoyed enormous popular success during a career of more than seventy years and continues to be widely read over 40 years after his death. Despite the political and social upheavals that occurred during his life, much of which was spent in France and the United States, Wodehouse's main canvas remained that of prewar English upper-class society, reflecting his birth, education, and youthful writing career.

An acknowledged master of English prose, Wodehouse has been admired both by contemporaries such as Hilaire Belloc, Evelyn Waugh and Rudyard Kipling and by more recent writers such as Douglas Adams, Salman Rushdie and Terry Pratchett. Sean O'Casey famously called him "English literature's performing flea", a description that Wodehouse used as the title of a collection of his letters to a friend, Bill Townend.

Best known today for the Jeeves and Blandings Castle novels and short stories, Wodehouse was also a talented playwright and lyricist who was part author and writer of fifteen plays and of 250 lyrics for some thirty musical comedies. He worked with Cole Porter on the musical Anything Goes (1934) and frequently collaborated with Jerome Kern and Guy Bolton. He wrote the lyrics for the hit song Bill in Kern's Show Boat (1927), wrote the lyrics for the Gershwin/Romberg musical Rosalie (1928), and collaborated with Rudolf Friml on a musical version of The Three Musketeers (1928).

Reviews

[Arthur Pierce · Rating 2 out of 5]

Although the 1934 PG Wodehouse-Guy Bolton play WHO'S WHO is officially based on this 1931 novel, it feels as if it's the other way around. It may be that Wodehouse was working on both at the same time, but the novel seems a hastily assembled affair, with the author not even bothering to "open it up." It is not a bad story, as these things go, but the resultant novel is weak Wodehouse, probably his weakest since he had hit his stride 20 years or more previously.

[Douglas Wilson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Always fun, but this was funner than most.

[Ian Wood · Rating 5 out of 5]

‘If I Were You’ published in Wodehouse’s greatest age harks back to his earlier novels without the looseness of relying on his stock characters from the Drones club or the Blandings or Dolly the Dip sagas. Despite the more Edwardian feel to the novel it is a great Wodehouse yarn that underplays its more farcical elements.

Anthony, fifth Earl of Droitwich, is engaged to a millionaires daughter, Violet, which was a result of his families rather than natures course. Their plan to maintain the family coffers is undermined by the arrival of his Nanny whom under the influence of too much medicinal Brandy allows certain skeletons out of the family tomb. On top of this Anthony has fallen for manicurist Polly Brown whom the family don’t consider to be countess material. Added to this is Syd Price, socialist and potential heir to the family title.

Wodehouse was no doubt attempting to construct a balanced account of the class struggle and the social upheaval the aristocracy were subject to the nineteen thirties. He has fallen somewhat short of his lofty ideals but managed to create a novel of Edwardian manners of hilarious consequence. Inevitably Wodehouse does not unsettle the social position of the Earl but his attempts to become a Barber of worth are to be read to be believed. A fantastic read that proves although kind hearts are worth more than coronets Wodehouse prefers his kind hearts to be wearing coronets.

[Ana Duque · Rating 4 out of 5]

Creía haber leído todo lo que había publicado P. G. Wodehouse, por lo que descubrir este libro ha sido como que llegaran a casa los Reyes Magos. Divertidísima, como siempre.

[Gerry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Typically Wodehousian humour with engagements on and off, identities in question and an Aunt in the background.

Lord Droitwich and Syd Price are the two main protagonists and identities are switched much to the family's delight or disgust depending on which side they are on! The family lawyer gets involved as the respective families and servants fight it out. In the end everything turns out for the best and one of the engagements, at least, goes ahead.

A laugh a minute and, if I were you, I would give it a read ... tinkerty tonk!

[Suzannah Rowntree · Rating 3 out of 5]

Entertaining farce. Not one of Wodehouse's best, and the story is clearly designed as a play in three scenes. But it was fun.

[Michael Bafford · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reading this a year or so ago i found it disappointing. It read like a play worked into a novel. Little sparkle, few laughs, perfectly foreseeable outcome. I love Wodehouse - the younger Plum especially - but not this one. When, however, I happened to borrow it at the library - again - I started reading it anyway and found it not that bad!

One of the things I apparently overlooked before was a pretty serious discussion - for Mr. Wodehouse - of class distinction and of nature versus nurture. Plum comes down firmly on the side of nurture. '"Blood will tell" you nothing', he seems to say. Also there are, as always, a few good zingers. My favorite is:
Meech (the barber) rose in Polly's estimation. She had never suspected it before, but the man apparently had the authentic fire within him. What matter, she felt, if the moustache droops if only the soul can soar?

[Minty McBunny · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not as good as the Jeeves books, but entertaining nonetheless.

[Beth · Rating 3 out of 5]

I agree with another reviewer - this felt like a story based on a play, rather than the other way around. Charming but not peak Wodehouse.

[Illiterate · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wodehouse does Edwardian farce.

[Nick · Rating 4 out of 5]

If I Were You is fairly early Wodehouse, and as such it feels a little thin, but overall endeavours to and ultimately succeeds in giving satisfaction, as Slingsby the butler might say. It's based on The Prince and the Pauper and a few other classical models, but Wodehouse does manage to give it his own stamp with the jolly figure of the hero, Tony, the occasional Earl of Droitwich. Tony keeps his spirits up despite the turns and twists of fortune befalling him and in that sunniness of character we see the essential Wodehouse spirit and are glad of it -- very glad. There's a touch of snobbishness in Wodehouse's plot, and it's unattractive, in his treatment of Syd, the other occasional Earl of Droitwich. But, in the end, the efferescence that will characterize the Bertie and Jeeves novels bubbles throughout If I Were You, and that is enough to make it a pleasant read.

[Kay · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lighthearted romp á la The Prince and the Pauper -- here an earl and barber had been switched at birth. Wodehouse has a great time playing on class dynamics and tying all the characters up in knots before giving it his trademark magical shake and straightening everything out. Anyone who's familiar with "Pirates of Penzance" will recognize the inept nursemaid as a familiar character, but musical predecessors aside, Wodehouse's version more than holds its own with that wonderful snappy dialogue and his ditsy characters.

[Jane · Rating 4 out of 5]

I promised myself I'd read a Wodehouse after enjoying Jeeves and the Wedding Bells, Sebastian Faulk's tribute to his style and the original is just as enjoyable. With lines like 'I admit...that he has the crushed, drooping look of a married man, but at present he's only engaged.' and ' ...I asked her how she'd like to see my name on her tombstone.' you can't go wrong.

[Waleed · Rating 2 out of 5]

Possibly Wodehouse's weakest work of the 1930s. It reads like a novelised play, and not a very entertaining one.

[Mike · Rating 4 out of 5]

The British obsession with class - and the fact that some of the brighter Brits suspected quite early on that nurture was more important than nature in creating any detectable differences between people of different classes - has produced a few comedies with a baby-swap at the centre of the plot. Gilbert and Sullivan have two (HMS Pinafore and The Gondoliers). In the US, Mark Twain did something similar, only with race, in Pudd'nhead Wilson .

Here we have a story where - according to his old nurse - the Earl of Droitwich is not the son of the previous earl, as everyone has always believed, but the son of the nurse, and the man who's grown up as the son of the nurse is not a Cockney barber but the rightful holder of the title. The Family, of course, are outraged; so is the butler, especially since the nurse in question is his sister, and he doesn't fancy calling his young nephew Sid "m'lord". The mercenary Modern Girl who has just got engaged to the man who she thought, at the time, was the earl isn't happy either.

Fortunately, the barber's manicurist, Polly Brown (a name like that in Wodehouse always signals a worthy, sensible girl), suggests that the Claimant should be shown just how much he wouldn't like earling, and the Family begin a campaign along those lines, making him ride, attend highbrow concerts and lectures, and so forth. Meanwhile, Tony, who was previously believed to be the earl, takes over the barbershop, spends time with Polly, and falls in love with her. Hijinks ensue.

The novel was based on a play, written by Wodehouse and his frequent collaborator Guy Bolton, which was never produced; they later adapted the novel into another play titled Who's Who?, which ran for 19 performances. Bolton adapted the play into a musical, Who's Who, Baby?, which was even less successful, running for 16 performances. I'm not sure why audiences didn't take to it; it's a typical Wodehouse bit of fun, with amusing dialog and situations. The novel shows its origins as a play, with limited locations and, occasionally, the feeling that the characters are saying lines to each other rather than conversing, but overall it's a solid piece in the Wodehouse manner, and I enjoyed it.

[Gastjäle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Whence dost the magic of Master Wodehouse flow forth? For His flair for cleansing souls, ironing corrugated brows, and encouraging all and sundry to flash their teeth sets in ecstatic gaiety is unquestionably magical.

One of these faerie sources is frivolity. In the real world, there might be negative connotations to the word, but in Wodehouse's Land of Joy it's one of the primary foundations. The reason for this is that the reasons why we might condemn frivolous behaviour, such as the solemnity of a certain occasion or the desperate need for Truth, are very much absent in the Master's works. The latter are devoid of funereal dos and po-faced soul-searching, but, amazingly enough, this enables Plum to exploit the words of English language to its utmost, semantically speaking. When he uses expressions such as "monstrous" or "diabolical," or makes a reference to burning decks, leonine dens or winter winds that bloweth, they are not "diluted" by our imagination, which at least would be the case with me, if I knew that, say, "monstrous" was applied in a serious story to a drunken father, which in itself would be of course tragic and indeed monstrous, but in the case of Wodehouse, "monstrous" would gain simplified yet infinitely more devilish proportions. Similarly, when he describes the beauty of nature, it appears stunning in its simple beauty.

To continue with the theme of frivolity, adapting such an approach as P.G. has done enables the author to rid the stories of possible didactic or moralising aspects, which sometimes have the danger of rubbing the reader the wrong way. In addition to that, sometimes I'm a bit bummed when a highly vivid story can be reduced into a simple maxim or moral. (This is naturally a simplification, and I love stories with a purpose as much as the next chap, but the point I'm trying to make is that such inclusions add depth to the story, and this depth isn't always harmless.) Now, I feel that Wodehouse does not wittingly attempt to teach us a lesson of any kind with his humorous works. He just offers us a raucous laugh in a stress-free place of isolation.

Now, secondly, the sorcery springs from Plum's usage of language and the synergy of his characters. The interplay between the snappy dialogue teeming with high register expressions and the Wodehousian vernacular, and the proportionately more lengthy narrative paragraphs, which give the author the leeway to harness his stock of allusions and ingenious techniques, converts the text into a feather-light mix of pure joy, the essence of fun. His writing is indeed so smooth, that it gets even slippery at times, making me glide accidentally into the next sentence before drinking in the previous one!

Synergy plays a very important part in making these books the masterpieces they are. The fact that every character basically understands the lexicon and allusions of each other effortlessly eliminates any possible friction there might be. What I mean by this is, that if someone suddenly started to disparage the Edwardian slang with its marvellous what hos and teuf teufs, it would sort of dampen the fun of it all. Of course, certain pugnacious female relatives are always wont to tick their nephews off for their use of the language of Shakespeare for their own wastrelly purposes, but that has more to do with the role of the said angry relatives than causing a rift in the overall synergy.

The third aspect is that everything in Wodehouse's stories seems to have a certain consciousness. Whether it's a moody beetle who's just dodges a petulant and most definitely unwarranted kick from a member of the human species, a passing fly sneering at bustling earls or the sunshine having a conspicuously conspiratorial air, the whole of the world of Wodehouse just seems to be so very much alive! This personification creates a sort of absurd yet deliberate feeling which, I feel, is wholly unique to Master W.

Beg your pardon for the general expatiation. I merely wanted to use this review as a mirror for my adulation for this fantastic author and his oeuvre. And If I Were You is a jolly good addition to it, even if it falls a little short from most. The rationale for the 4 stars lies mostly in the domains of the "firstly" and "secondly" of my pompous preamble. Firstly, the passages where Tony felt the qualms kick in and begun to brood on the injustice meted out to Syd were very outre and out-of-place in a book of this sort. It added the dreaded "depth," even just for a second, but it was enough to jab a little crack in the beautiful glass sculpture of frivolity. Secondly, the first few chapters of the story were strangely lacking in the rich narrative paragraphs. The upshot was that those chapters felt more like a play, and not a very balanced one at that.

The loss of one star does not necessarily mean much. If I Were You still made me chuckle, chortle and fall about, in accordance with the decorum of Wodehouse readers. And it's somehow refreshing to read something that doesn't include Bertie or Lord Emsworth for a change, just to see what the other habitats of P.G.'s realm of sunshine and warmth look like.

[Kami S · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 stars in it's own genre.
This was a fun and delightful read.
If you enjoy British humor, then you'll enjoy this read.

[Noah Goats · Rating 4 out of 5]

This isn't top tier Wodehouse, but it's an amusing fish out of water comedy. I enjoyed it.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

The worse Wodehouse is still better than many other novelists' best work. This one is a bit of a throw away farce but it's still delightful. I breezed through it with a cup of tea and a smile on my face.

[Andrew Fish · Rating 4 out of 5]

Babies of different social orders swapped at birth is, as the jacket blurb for the Everyman edition of If I were You concedes, hardly an original idea for a novel. We may not be able to name a specific example of the genre but we can all remember having read or seen such a story somewhere. Such stories have been deployed frequently in England's class-riven past either to show the virtue of knowing one's place or to suggest that breeding will tell regardless of upbringing.

Wodehouse wouldn't be Wodehouse, however, if he contented himself with following the form-book on such matters. Now in his 1930's hey-day with the established successes of both Jeeves and Blandings canons, Wodehouse finds a hero almost as unlikely as jewel-thieves Soapy and Dolly, in this instance the earl who actually wants to lose his place in society.

For this earl has fallen foul of a classic Wodehouse type, the imperious fiancée, and surrendering his title in exchange for the life of a barber (which would, of course, drive the woman away) is a more attractive proposition than just calling the thing off - something a Wodehouse hero can never do. Naturally, the life of a barber has its compensations - there's a potentially world class hair tonic to build a new fortune and a sympathetic manicurist to provide a more suitable love-meat. But Tony's erstwhile family are not going to take change lying down: far from being happy to accept that the man who resembles the portrait over the fireplace does so because of his ancestry, they are prepared to fight for the status quo, using any means at their disposal. As ever with Wodehouse, the hero will win the day, though not necessarily in the way he expected. The heir presumptive, despite his lack of sympathy as a character, receives adequate compensation for his troubles and it is only the family who are forced to live with a conclusion they don't desire. To paraphrase the Voltaire Wodehouse is so fond of quoting, everything ends up for the best in the best of all possible worlds.

For those whose Wodehouse has yet to extend beyond the better known canonical novels, If I Were You is a fun slice of class comedy and a great way to while away a wet afternoon.

[Balazs Almasi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Furcsa volt olvasni ezt a könyvet, az első harmadában, ha nem tudtam volna, akkor rá sem jövök, hogy Wodehouse-t olvasok... Hiányoztak a szerzőre olyannyira jellemző fordulatok, szónoklatok, viccességek, és annak fényében, hogy az angol nyelvű verzió mennyire pozitív kritikákat kapott, arra tudok gondolni, hogy esetleg a fordítással nem stimmel valami...
A szerzőnek egy korai zsengéje ez a könyv, és az alaptörténet is olyannyira bugyuta, hogy csak akkor enyhültem meg, amikor a könyv második felében a szerző a szereplőin keresztül gyakorlatilag jól kigúnyolja a saját témaválasztását :) Ez a rész nagyon vicces volt, kicsit olyan ez a könyv, mintha a saját maga paródiája szeretne lenni.
A második felében azért beindul az addig unalmas sztori is egy picit, megjönnek a Wodehouse-os ízek, a szereplők is elkezdik alkalmazni a jól megszokott wodehouse-i vicces ékesszólást, úgyhogy helyrekerülnek a dolgok, és tulajdonképpen izgalmassá és nyitottá válik, hogy ki nyeri meg végül a nemesi rangért indított pert :)
A szerzőnél elég ritka a negatív karakter, na itt Price mami személyében behozta a szerintem az egyik legidegesítőbb karakterét, akit viszont a többi szereplő annyira oszt folyamatosan, hogy már az is fárasztóvá válik kicsit.
Nem rossz könyv, a második felén sokat lehet mosolyogni, a fodrászsegéd temetői udvarlása zseniálisan vicces, a romantikus rész meg szokásosan cuki benne, de nálam nem férne be a Top25 Wodehouse könyv listájára.

[Christopher · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been waiting to read this one for years. It's been out-of-print for quite some time, and it was never available at any library that I could find. I wasn't disappointed. If I Were You reads a lot like a funnier version of Mark Twain's Pudd'nhead Wilson, in that two babies were switched at birth. One is nurtured to be an Earl, while the other grew up to be a barber. The greedy barber upon hearing of his stolen birthright, decides to give being an Earl a chance through blackmail and sheer obstinance. The Earl on the other hand just wants someone to love him for him and not for his title or money. They switch roles and hilarity ensues. The ensemble features a snobbish brother with a sound head for business, a drunken mother, a truculent and put-upon butler, a juggernaut of an aunt and uncle team determined to keep the barber in the shop, and a shallow and conniving socialite. This is a fun read, and definitely worth waiting to read. It is light-hearted, dialogue-driven, and pleasant.

[Miguel Jiménez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Una comedia amena, divertida, en la que las situaciones suceden una tras otra partiendo del tema central.

Pocos libros recuerdo que me hayan situado tan rápido en la historia, en este P.G. Wodehouse te mete de lleno desde la página 1 o 2.

Es la primer novela independiente que leo de Wodehouse, antes me adentré a la serie Jeeves —magnífica, por cierto—, pero aún así me agradó este libro. La variedad de personajes, el ingenio para dotar a cada uno con gracia y el mundo en que te sumerge es único.

Para destacar: el narrador en tercera persona —prefiero la primera—. Ni pareció que fuera de este tipo, pues predominan los diálogos y las intervenciones del narrador solo son para dar detalles puntuales. Como una obra de teatro pero a modo de novela, sin poner los nombres del personaje cuando hablan ni decir "Aparece tal cual en este lugar".

Buena novela que predomina la risa cómplice pero tambien tiene partes para la carcajada.

[Katherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

*3.5 stars.
"Slingsby loomed in the doorway like a dignified cloud bank" (14).
"Ma Price released her hold on the chair in order to fold her arms haughtily. This so nearly led to disaster that she hastily resumed her grip. There was, however, a distinct implication of haughtily folded arms in her voice" (41).
"...and now this girl with her sinister verbs" (51).
"...his manner lost its generous fire and became butlerine" (54).
“‘In my young days, girls spoke respectfully to their fathers.’
“They probably had a different kind of father,’ said Violet” (110).
“Only yesterday he had discovered that he he played the saxophone--the very last instrument, somehow, of which anyone would have suspected him” (141).
“That air of being a football of Fate--and a well used football at that--had left him” (180).

[Libbeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will use this "review" for all the P. G. Wodehouse I have read. I read them all so long ago and enjoyed them so much that I have given them all 5 stars. As I re-read them I will adjust the stars accordingly, if necessary, and add a proper review.
When I first discovered P. G. Wodehouse I devoured every book I could find in the local library, throughout the eighties and early nineties. Alas, this means that I have read most of them and stumbling across one I have not read is a rare thing. I'm sure that through this great site I will joyfully find at least a few I have not read, and be able to track them down.
My records only began in 1982, so I do not have a note of any I read before then. I’m sure I will enjoy re-reading them.

[Aaron Wittwer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have yet to read a Wodehouse that didn't overwhelm me with joy from start to finish. This one is no exception. Serious, clinical, scalp-tingling, uncontrollable grinning, wordgasmic joy. It's a switched-at-birth story of an Earl and a barber, and the problems that arise when this long-ago mixup is revealed. The Earldom is thrown into question, high society descends into chaos, but of primary concern is whether the Earl turned Barber still has to marry his conniving heiress fiancé or whether his heart shall be free to pursue the delightful manicurist working at his newly inherited barbershop. All this told with the quickest, most astute wit in literature. Don't worry, it all works out in the end. It always does. It is Wodehouse after all.

[Grace · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked Bachelor's Anonymous better, but I guess everything doesn't have to be a competition!

This book fit the bill: made me chuckle quite a few times and was a fun quick read, but wasn't trashy or a waste of time. It had fun cockney accents, too! (I mean, maybe they weren't cockney, but something along those lines.) I particularly liked the line, "I've got a neadache!" (not a typo.)

[William · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a perfect remedy for the melancholy of a dull, cold, overcast winter's day. This is just what I needed right now. Although a novel, it is set up more like a three act farce, loaded with sprightly dialogue and other forms of word play. Wodehouse is almost always a sure thing to cheer you up.

[Betsy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Initially I was going to give this four stars because, while it had me laughing out loud, I wasn't weeping helplessly as was the case with many of his fruitier and frothier novels I went ahead and bunged the fifth star on there after one of the characters was described as being "a pretty asinine sort of old ass".

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another jolly romp from PGW. Given the very limited locations (country house drawing room / barbers shop / drawing room again) and a set of characters with no supporting or incidental cast, I suspect it was intended to be a play. Al the usual Wodehouse tropes present and correct and none the worse for that