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How to Wake Up: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide to Navigating Joy and Sorrow

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Intimately and without jargon, How to Wake Up: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide to Navigating Joy and Sorrow describes the path to peace amid all of life’s ups and downs. Using step by step instructions, the author illustrates how to be fully present in the moment without clinging to joy or resisting sorrow. This opens the door to a kind of wellness that goes beyond circumstances. Actively engaging life as it is in this fashion holds the potential for awakening to a peace and well-being that are not dependent on whether a particular experience is joyful or sorrowful. This is a practical book, containing dozens of exercises and practices, all of which are illustrated with easy-to-relate to personal stories from the author’s experience.

240 pages, Paperback

First published August 19, 2013

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About the author

Toni Bernhard

4 books225 followers
I'm the author of four books: "How to Live Well with Chronic Pain and Illness: A Mindful Guide"; "How to Wake Up: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide to Navigating Joy and Sorrow"; "How to Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and their Caregivers" (now in a second edition); and my new book "How to Be Sick: Your Pocket Companion" due out in May, 2020. I am so excited about this Pocket Companion. It's both a guide for those who've read "How to Be Sick" and it's a stand-alone book! My popular blog, “Turning Straw Into Gold” is hosted on the website of Psychology Today. I can be found online at www.tonibernhard.com.

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5 stars
224 (47%)
4 stars
160 (33%)
3 stars
75 (15%)
2 stars
11 (2%)
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4 (<1%)
Displaying 1 - 29 of 46 reviews
Profile Image for Debbie.
7 reviews11 followers
October 12, 2013
Being an almost 36-year bone-cancer survivor who's crutches are permanent, I was immediately drawn to Toni's first book, How to Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers. As I suspected I might, I enjoyed it very much. I was delighted to discover she was working on this book and I pre-ordered it as soon as I could.

While I didn't grow up with Buddhist principles, I am coming to appreciate that there is a lot of wisdom to be found and borrowed there, especially with the guidance of a gentle author like Toni. I find her voice to be wise, compassionate and accessible. From her personal examples sprinkled throughout both of her books, it feels to me like she is walking beside her readers as a fellow-traveler, all while openly and willingly sharing her experience, strength and hope.

Yes, this book is one to be savored and I am very much enjoying taking in her wisdom slowly, a chapter at a time. I am deeply grateful for her beautiful writing voice.
335 reviews3 followers
November 5, 2013
I didn't think much of this book when I started reading it. I've read other books about Buddhism and related topics that I've found more inspiring, illuminating, and intellectually challenging (in a good way). The more I read, though, the more I noticed that the author was doing exactly what she set out to do: provide the reader with practical advice on dealing with the suffering/dissatisfactions/annoyances of daily life. As a long-time Buddhist and someone with a chronic illness (she was diagnosed with a viral infection in 2001 from which she has not recovered), Toni Bernhard has had many years of practice in finding equanimity under difficult circumstances.

This is not a book geared to those who are physically unwell (Bernhard has already written that book), but counsel for anyone who wants to be happier and is ready to consider that the solution is internal, that we have the capacity to relieve the emotional discomfort that comes along with being human. Along the way, How to Wake Up: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide to Navigating Joy and Sorrow does a creditable job of explaining Buddhism's key principles. Bernhard accomplishes this not in an academic or theoretical way, but with pragmatic examples and constructive language that require no prior knowledge of Buddhism. I finished How to Wake Up with a greater appreciation not only for Toni Bernhard's approach, but for her compassionate and friendly voice.
41 reviews2 followers
November 4, 2014
If Goodreads offered us the ability to rate a book 7 stars, I would use it for this book. More than anything I've ever read, I believe this book has the ability to change lives for the better. Pretty sure it wouldn't matter whether you're an atheist, Buddhist, devout Christian or follower of some other religion; regardless, I believe this book contains lots of practical wisdom for helping you live a more skillful, mentally healthy life. Check it out.

Also, I want to mention that I'd never have picked up this book on my own. I'm almost positive it would've struck me as way too touchy-feely/New Agey/trite. I'm taking a 6-week class on meditation practice and this book was assigned by our teacher (to whom I'll be eternally grateful).

I also have it on good authority that people have found her 1st book, How to Be Sick, super helpful both for its intended audience (those living with chronic illness and their caregivers) and for others.

Thank you, Toni Bernhard. May you be AWAP. :)
Profile Image for Kevin Orth.
426 reviews58 followers
September 10, 2018
Wonderfully insightful

Anyone who ever has any distress, challenges, discomfort, pain, illness, etc. would be well served in reading this book. Key is how we relate and work with what comes up rather than pushing away what we don’t want or clinging to what we do.
Profile Image for Joshua Buhs.
647 reviews132 followers
August 25, 2013
_How to Wake Up_ lacks the vitality of Bernhard's first book, _How to Be Sick_, which is becoming a (deserved) touchstone in Buddhist books. This volume is more of an introduction to mindfulness--albeit one of the most direct and practical primers on the subject that I have read.

Toni Bernhard was a long time professor and dean at UC Davis's law school before becoming irredeemably sick with a mystery disease that has her bedridden for most of the day. She was a practicing Buddhist at the time her illness set in, and almost lost her faith--though faith isn't quite the right word here--before realizing the techniques she had learned could help with her grief and disappointment. Her first book passed on those techniques to others dealing with chronic illnesses. She then started writing for Psychology Today, and those essays became the seeds o many of the chapters in this book, she says.

The book suffers from some of the traditional problems of this genre of writing. What bothered me most--although, admittedly, it was a mostly minor annoyance--was that Bernhard tended to elevate the Buddha to something of an all-seeing deity, rather than a man who had learned a few practices, passed those on, and had them develop over the years into a body of practical wisdom.

Books on Buddhism can also get bogged down in classifications--it's inherent, since that bod of practical wisdom was built on organizing and defining the various problems with human thought and the states to which the mind could aspire. If you get into the literature, there's an almost endless list of (often metaphorically named) categories: the three jewels, the Four Noble Truths, the Twelve Insights, and on and on. There's an obvious pedagogical intent in these groupings, and I can imagine as an obnoxious, nerdy high school student I would have loved to memorize these. Not so much anymore.

Bernhard, while acknowledging the categories, and even structuring her book around them, has a very light touch with the taxonomy. Sometimes I felt like I was reading a textbook, but this was pretty rare.

The first part of the book is built around not The Four Noble Truths, as one might expect, but what she calls the Three Marks of existence: That nothing is permanent, that we have no bounded sense of self, and that everyone will encounter suffering. She spends extra time on this last issue, noting that there are different kinds of suffering. The most important are the sufferings we impose on ourselves though we feel that it is imposed by forces--the thirst for pleasant experiences to las forever, unpleasant experiences to end, and for the story of ourselves to be in our control. This thirst is unquenchable and powerful--we feel that if only these certain conditions were met, we would finally find peace and contentment.

Bernhard notes that there are five habits of mind that prevent us from dealing with these thirsts skillfully--what has come to be called the Five Hindrances: desire for pleasure, anger, laziness, worry, and doubt.

The second section deals with mindfulness. And the third deals with developing an 'open heart' through four practices: kindness, compassion, appreciative joy, and equanimity.

What really sets the book apart, though, I think, is Bernhard's training as a lawyer--there's a law-school feel to the book that, surprisingly, makes it especially effective. As someone who only watches law and law school from afar, it seems to me that there's a tendency in legal thinking to come up with standardized maneuvers or responses. Person A argues this, and so the reasonable response to that argument is K. There's a lot of this kind of thinking in Bernhard's book, which is extremely helpful. Too often books on Buddhism talk about its practicality but don't really show it (I'm looking at you Chogyam Trungpa.)

Bernhard is very keen on giving practical advice, so much so that this almost becomes a how-to book. Best of all, the practices are given right when she discusses the issues, and not saved for some other chapter.

So, how do we live skillfully with impermanence? Treat interruptions as a normal part of the day. How do we deal with our changing selves? By not clinging to any one. How do we deal with unquenchable suffering? Recognize that we are unsatisfied, label it, try to figure out why, and then--let it go. How do we deal with the five hindrances? The same way. How do we become more mindful--which will, in turn, help us recognize when we are suffering? Cut back on multi-tasking, perform tasks more slowly, describe events concretely, use a cue to become mindful (like a bell), write poems. Also, one could try focusing on a specific thing and investigating all the sensory responses to it--or start by paying attention to the breath and then slowly noticing the rest of the world around us. Another way is to sit quietly and slowly scan the body, noticing where we might be tight or hurting or soft--but not judging. Just noticing.

Bernahrd also has techniques for developing an open heart: eel kindness towards strangers as we walk by them, or compassion, or joy in their joy, Extend this practice to others in our life, including those about whom we feel neutral, those whom we love, and, eventually, those whom we dislike.

To practice equanimity with skill, it helps to remember the law of impermanence. Something may be wonderful or horrible, and we may want it to last or end, but if we remember that it will pass, we can enjoy it for being there at all or know it will not go on forever.

Throughout the book Bernhard uses the word skillfully, which makes sense in terms of her practice-oriented approach, but also serves as a reminder of two things: 1) we will sometimes--maybe often--fail, and there is no reason to get angry at ourselves. We should be compassionate with ourselves. Everyone fails at some time. The next moment then gives as a chance to try again. 2) we will get better with practice, even though we may never be perfect.

She even has a little practice built around this last point. There's only one Beatles, a friend told her, but lots of people still make music. Similarly, we can all try to be better at these practices, even if we are not perfect. Indeed, the whole point is to get comfortable with our own imperfections.
2 reviews
October 11, 2024
This book challenges the way I think, my automatic reactions to situations that are difficult, and has helped me change the way I see hard days, and sadness at missing out due to illness. I recommend this to anyone looking to have a more positive outlook. There’s so much wisdom on navigating joy and sorrow.
Profile Image for Ashy.
80 reviews4 followers
November 29, 2013
How To Wake Up, by Toni Bernhard is an easy to read and compelling introduction to Buddhist thought and practice.
As I have been learning recently about Buddhism, none of the basic ideas were new to me, and yet I would encourage even people who are not new to Buddhism to read it, as well as those who are. Toni gives fresh perspectives and personal examples which are thought provoking and useful.

There are beautiful quotations at the start of each chapter, which I very much enjoyed, as well as passages that I know I will want to refer to when I am struggling with particular issues. With her clear and comforting style, I think many will find this book becomes a friendly guide to keep close and refer to many times.

A book for anyone who wants to feel more at ease with life and the way things are.
Profile Image for Lynne.
365 reviews2 followers
October 29, 2013
I've read a number of books along these lines. What sets this one apart is the simplicity, clarity and above all, the humility of the author's style. At no time does she come across as a guru instructing her disciples from a lofty height of enlightenment. Rather she allows us to see her own struggles, vulnerabilities and failures during her many years as a practitioner. The warmth and intimacy in which she shares with her reader the insights and wisdom she's learned along the way gives us the impression of having a conversation with a trusted friend. I'd recommend this book highly to anyone seeking greater peace, compassion and understanding in their lives.
Profile Image for Celeste Cooper.
Author 8 books11 followers
September 12, 2014
A brilliant writer does it again. A journey toward enlightenment

Toni’s stories are relevant for overcoming obstacles to our journey in life.I was unsure how she could ever add to her brilliant book “How to Be Sick,” but she has. She is a truly gifted writer.

Toni relates Buddha’s terms and teachings in a way that is easy to understand. This is especially helpful for a non-Buddhist person, such as myself. She teaches us how not to become fixed in our person or our way of thinking. I think when we receive this information without judgment; we can see that every day, every moment, offers opportunity for enlightenment.

As an educator, I easily see Toni’s own experiences as teacher/professor by the way each chapter builds on the previous. This is important to readers, such as me, who are not familiar with many of the terms. Regardless of how we resist change, change is inevitable as is suffering, peace, and desire. We are challenged to live in the present and acknowledge challenges for what they are and appreciate joy. If I had to pick only one Buddhist teaching that I apply to myself, it would be the story telling of Dukka. Of course, I have more, but I will not reveal what’s in the book. I will leave that to you.

“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.” Kenji Miyazawa. (One of my favorite quotes in the book.)
Profile Image for Rubina.
268 reviews13 followers
April 30, 2014
Beautifully written, it is one of the clearest, easiest to understand, practical book on Buddhism. It's suitable for newbies to Buddhism and yet has something too for more experienced practitioners. Bernhard explains that we can awaken to peace and well-being by recognizing our resistance to impermanence or change, no fixed self and suffering or dissatisfaction is what causes dukkha, and by cultivating wisdom, mindfulness, compassion, kindness and appreciative joy. Overall a wonderful book and now one of my favourites!
76 reviews1 follower
May 10, 2014
There are definitely some pearls in this book, especially for someone interested in applying Buddhist philosophy to some kind of chronic illness or challenge in life.
Profile Image for Yolanda Blanch Ruiz.
108 reviews4 followers
December 7, 2013
A must read. I do not care if we called it buddhism or common sense, the fact is tht i think it can help to live better, happier, and meaningful.
Profile Image for Danielle Hamilton.
351 reviews49 followers
November 1, 2015
Eye-opening, calming, insightful, and reassuring. While it is hard to change ingrained behaviors, these books have opened my eyes to ways of thinking I hadn't yet encountered. Highly recommended.
Profile Image for Sheelie Kittee.
250 reviews2 followers
August 12, 2022
One of the best books on Buddhism and mindfulness that I've read. Really enjoyed this!

Ten thousand flowers in spring,
The moon in autumn,
A cool breeze in summer,
Snow in winter.
If your mind isnt clouded by unnecessary things.
This is the best season of your life.
- Wu-Men

Understanding the truth of impermanence and suffering can turn mindfulness of every day activity into an awakening practice.

Life is suffering bc we want some permanency, some guarantee. If we let go of this desire, and follow a path of doing finite things in an infinite way, the ordinary becomes extraordinary and secular is sacred. Everything is a sacred act.

Twenty four brand new hours before me.
I vow to live in each moment and look at all beings with the eyes of compassion.
- Thich Nhat Hanh

Worlds on worlds are rolling over
From creation to decay,
Like the bubbles on a river,
Sparkling, bursting, borne away
- Percy Shelley

If you cannot practicing rejoicing, no matter how long you live, you will not be happy.
- Lama Zopa Rinpoche
Profile Image for Cindy.
45 reviews
February 6, 2018
If I'm following the AA advice of "take what you need and leave the rest" then 3 stars seems about right. There are parts of her perspective on Buddhism that are beautiful (mindfulness, compassion) and parts that I don't agree with (avoid any desire), just as it is for me and Christianity (I like Jesus' messages, disbelieve the storylines). So I found myself occasionally rolling my eyes, or wanting to argue with the author. Occasionally I found something that will help me in my current struggles to healthfully detach from the anxiety and traps that I fall into in my interpersonal relationships. Overall, this book seems like it would fit in well with the Chicken Soup For The Soul series. It's ok but maybe a bit too saccharin.
Profile Image for Gabrielle Jarrett.
Author 2 books22 followers
July 21, 2025
I loved How To Wake Up. I generally read a Buddhist teacher as well as my other books, as their teachings are the biggest aid to living my life with acceptance and some moments of peace. (when I am awake) Bernhard has a painful chronic illness which she uses as a backdrop for examples of acceptance. I liked the Nietzsche quote: Amor Fati. Loving your fate. I liked being reminded of the four sublime (peaceful) states: kindness, joy, compassion, and equanimity. Bernhard is inspirational, very honest, and encouraging. To be re-read again. Of course.
Profile Image for Amanda.
193 reviews
November 2, 2020
I focused mostly on the mindfulness practices and tools for better mindfulness such as cutting back on multitasking, performing tasks more slowly, and sticking to concrete rather than abstract descriptions. There also were great lessons to implement for anyone of any faith such as demonstrating kindness and friendliness along with compassion to yourself, a loved one, and another benefactor, showing appreciative joy, and having equanimity, or going with the flow.
Profile Image for Carol.
Author 2 books1 follower
July 7, 2019
This is one of the more inspiring books I've read. Toni Bernhard breaks down the basic tenets of Buddhism and shows us how they apply to our daily lives. I especially appreciated her honesty in giving examples from her own life and her struggle with chronic illness.

A very relatable book that anyone with a spiritual bent should enjoy. I highly recommend the book.
Profile Image for Sol Smith.
Author 16 books73 followers
November 15, 2019
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

I felt like I had my Buddhist authors down. Beyond His Holiness, Thay, Chodron, and Kornfield, who else did I need to read? I then realized it it was my very certainty that I needed to challenge...with a law professor from UC Davis? This was an astounding book about the practical application of Buddhist thought. The best such book I’ve read in a long time.
Profile Image for Rosa.
5 reviews5 followers
Read
January 27, 2017
I've been looking for a book that goes more into how to reflect and meditate. Definitely has helped me get a better grasp on meditating.
Profile Image for Madeleine.
206 reviews9 followers
April 25, 2018
Reading this author is like giving yourself a big hug.
Profile Image for SusanO.
19 reviews
February 5, 2019
Excellent, well written, practical advise for living well. Thank you Toni!
Profile Image for Monica Price.
20 reviews6 followers
June 12, 2021
I have yet to read a more perfect book. It took a year to read it properly. I intend to start over, rereading it tomorrow.
Profile Image for Tammy.
307 reviews6 followers
May 24, 2024
So many ideas for how to find a place of acceptance and contentment in whatever circumstance we find ourselves.
76 reviews2 followers
June 8, 2024
A great book to read in the mornings in the garden. Understand how we suffer and how in control we are of suffering.
Displaying 1 - 29 of 46 reviews

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