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Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom's Battle
Tina Swithin was swept off her feet by a modern-day Prince Charming. Her relationship with Seth moved quickly and after 18 months, they were married. It wasn’t long before Tina discovered that her fairytale was built on lies, fraud and deception. This wasn’t the man she married, or was it?
Through Tina's lens, readers will see how a smart, independent woman can fall prey to a narcissist. Tina discusses the red flag reflections that she didn’t initially recognize as warning signs because the red flags were often hidden within bouquets of red roses. Giving the benefit of the doubt and trying to see the best in Seth came at a great cost.
After seven years of marriage, Tina found herself in a therapist’s office. For years, she had been told by Seth that she was the problem. Her therapist delivered three life-changing words; “narcissistic personality disorder.” Initially unable to accept that she could not fix her marriage or her husband, Tina began to research narcissism and personality disorders while connecting with experts around the world.
Tina soon discovered that there is only one thing more difficult than being married to a narcissist and that is divorcing a narcissist. When Tina’s plight to protect her children began, she was forced to act as her own attorney due to severe financial abuse. Tina quickly discovered a flawed family court system that prioritized Seth's parental rights over her children’s rights to safety. Tina experienced repeated institutional betrayal at the hands of child welfare services, law enforcement, child custody evaluators, minor’s counsel and judicial officers yet, she would not give up.
Tina refused to accept that shared parenting, or 50-50 custody arrangements were in her daughter’s best interest, and she set her sights on learning the system inside and out. Tina became a fixture in the courthouse and at hearings, studying high-conflict cases that were similar to hers, watching court proceedings, and talking to attorneys in the court hallways. A painful realization was that to the court system, her custody battle was just a business transaction and a case number. Through radical acceptance and with her growing knowledge of the family court system, Tina began to embrace the importance of strategy versus emotion.
Tina’s story is the story of one mom’s battle to protect her children in the patriarchal, antiquated family court system but, her story is the story of thousands of mothers around the world. There are identifiable patterns of the family court system’s failure to recognize coercive control as domestic violence and there is a lack of training within the system on important topics such as domestic violence, narcissism and post separation abuse. Tina’s story shines a glaring light on the darkness that is the present-day family court system and highlights the need for education, intervention, legislation and court reform.
Tina’s story showcases the harsh, painful reality that victims of domestic violence face when they make the brave decision to leave their abuser. Namely, the abuser’s need for power and control doesn't mysteriously vanish or dissipate when the relationship ends. Tina's ex-husband was triggered by the loss of control and his effort to maintain power and control intensified. For Tina, the post separation abuse continued to escalate and far surpassed the abuse she was subjected to while under the same roof. Seth set his sights on the child(ren) to exert control and the children become nothing more than pawns and weapons.
By many, Tina Swithin is considered to be one of the lucky ones for finally securing peace and safety for her family. For anyone to read about Tina’s ten-year battle to protect her children and label her as “lucky” speaks volumes about the brokenness of the family court system.
Through Tina's lens, readers will see how a smart, independent woman can fall prey to a narcissist. Tina discusses the red flag reflections that she didn’t initially recognize as warning signs because the red flags were often hidden within bouquets of red roses. Giving the benefit of the doubt and trying to see the best in Seth came at a great cost.
After seven years of marriage, Tina found herself in a therapist’s office. For years, she had been told by Seth that she was the problem. Her therapist delivered three life-changing words; “narcissistic personality disorder.” Initially unable to accept that she could not fix her marriage or her husband, Tina began to research narcissism and personality disorders while connecting with experts around the world.
Tina soon discovered that there is only one thing more difficult than being married to a narcissist and that is divorcing a narcissist. When Tina’s plight to protect her children began, she was forced to act as her own attorney due to severe financial abuse. Tina quickly discovered a flawed family court system that prioritized Seth's parental rights over her children’s rights to safety. Tina experienced repeated institutional betrayal at the hands of child welfare services, law enforcement, child custody evaluators, minor’s counsel and judicial officers yet, she would not give up.
Tina refused to accept that shared parenting, or 50-50 custody arrangements were in her daughter’s best interest, and she set her sights on learning the system inside and out. Tina became a fixture in the courthouse and at hearings, studying high-conflict cases that were similar to hers, watching court proceedings, and talking to attorneys in the court hallways. A painful realization was that to the court system, her custody battle was just a business transaction and a case number. Through radical acceptance and with her growing knowledge of the family court system, Tina began to embrace the importance of strategy versus emotion.
Tina’s story is the story of one mom’s battle to protect her children in the patriarchal, antiquated family court system but, her story is the story of thousands of mothers around the world. There are identifiable patterns of the family court system’s failure to recognize coercive control as domestic violence and there is a lack of training within the system on important topics such as domestic violence, narcissism and post separation abuse. Tina’s story shines a glaring light on the darkness that is the present-day family court system and highlights the need for education, intervention, legislation and court reform.
Tina’s story showcases the harsh, painful reality that victims of domestic violence face when they make the brave decision to leave their abuser. Namely, the abuser’s need for power and control doesn't mysteriously vanish or dissipate when the relationship ends. Tina's ex-husband was triggered by the loss of control and his effort to maintain power and control intensified. For Tina, the post separation abuse continued to escalate and far surpassed the abuse she was subjected to while under the same roof. Seth set his sights on the child(ren) to exert control and the children become nothing more than pawns and weapons.
By many, Tina Swithin is considered to be one of the lucky ones for finally securing peace and safety for her family. For anyone to read about Tina’s ten-year battle to protect her children and label her as “lucky” speaks volumes about the brokenness of the family court system.
- GenresNonfictionSelf Help
388 pages, Paperback
First published December 10, 2012
100 people are currently reading
243 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
February 13, 2013
This book will keep you up late at night! I have several pages dog turned. She keeps such a rich history of what it is like to divorce one of these nightmares. Having dealt with one for over 20 years, I can attest to her vivid, accurate and extremely helpful accounts of what to expect from these masters of shape shifting. Tina gives you the strength to stand alone and fight for your children's best interests. She gives excellent procedural tips and great encouraging thoughts and psychologically accurate techniques on dealing with narcissists. After reading more than 20 books on the subject, I can attest to the excellent writing skills, true depictions, and take home messages in this book. Hopefully one day she will write a sequel to continue to empower the countless women who follow in our footsteps, because, unfortunately, these creatures of nightmares remarry and will victimize until they draw their last breath. March on, Tina!
March 13, 2013
A validating, life-changing read. Cannot think of any other book that has left me feeling so grateful for an author's efforts to write and publish a book!
June 6, 2013
Based on her blog, OneMomsBattle.com, this book tells the story of Tina Swithin's challenging divorce from her mentally ill ex-husband, Seth. Seth has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which causes him to lash out through manic behavior, pathological lying, stalking, manipulation, and other extremely challenging and dangerous behavior.
Swithin offers an inspiring and motivating narrative of strength and perseverance. The story may be particularly comforting to those struggling with their own divorces: it teaches us that we are not alone in our struggles, and we are not crazy for feeling completely at a loss as we attempt to cope with the threatening tactics of a mentally ill ex-spouse. Swithin offers advice and tips from the trenches of divorce warfare, and shows through her own story that even in the most challenging of circumstances, hope can persist.
My main criticism of this book is that Swithin sometimes seems to get lost in the anger of her own narrative, losing perspective on the mental illness behind her ex-husband's behaviors. I would have appreciated a bit more explanation of the nature of the mental illness, especially as the divorce progressed... though perhaps such a clinical perspective is beyond Swithin's scope. Nevertheless, such a perspective may have been helpful to readers facing similar struggles (which, after all, seems to be part of Swithin's intention in publishing this narrative in this format).
A bit more editorial attention would have helped to clean up some typos and messy transitions. Otherwise, this book remains a great read for anyone facing or finishing a challenging divorce with a mentally ill ex-, especially where children are involved.
Swithin offers an inspiring and motivating narrative of strength and perseverance. The story may be particularly comforting to those struggling with their own divorces: it teaches us that we are not alone in our struggles, and we are not crazy for feeling completely at a loss as we attempt to cope with the threatening tactics of a mentally ill ex-spouse. Swithin offers advice and tips from the trenches of divorce warfare, and shows through her own story that even in the most challenging of circumstances, hope can persist.
My main criticism of this book is that Swithin sometimes seems to get lost in the anger of her own narrative, losing perspective on the mental illness behind her ex-husband's behaviors. I would have appreciated a bit more explanation of the nature of the mental illness, especially as the divorce progressed... though perhaps such a clinical perspective is beyond Swithin's scope. Nevertheless, such a perspective may have been helpful to readers facing similar struggles (which, after all, seems to be part of Swithin's intention in publishing this narrative in this format).
A bit more editorial attention would have helped to clean up some typos and messy transitions. Otherwise, this book remains a great read for anyone facing or finishing a challenging divorce with a mentally ill ex-, especially where children are involved.
February 28, 2014
Amazing book. Opened my eyes to what was right in front of me. The depth of her openness in her personal story is heartbreaking and inspiring. Highly recommend this book to anyone who wants info about dealing with a narcissist.
August 2, 2013
Tore through this book. Unfortunately- sounded a lot like what I've gone through.
January 17, 2020
For anyone going through separation from a narcissist, read this book. You will feel less alone and find hope in Tina’s long journey.
March 10, 2020
This book helped me through my divorce from an extreme narcissist. Her story helped me see that I wasnt crazy, what was happening was real, and the dynamic between narcissists and their codependent have certain patterns. Oddly enough, my story ended up being way more extreme than what she went though which makes me want to write a book for people who go through way more intense situations.
October 14, 2022
If you are going through a divorce with a Narcissist or simply know someone who is, this book is a must read to help you better understand what you are dealing with. If you have no clue what I’m talking about, this is a must read to open your eyes at the devastating reality of what is happening to children and victims in the system. And this should probably be required reading for all family court judges and other professionals.
July 26, 2022
Blog to book that works beautifully!
Sometimes blogs to book don't work well, but this one sure does. It's wonderfully written. The story is so astounding I doubted it at the beginning, but lo and behold I did my research and it's actually true. This is a powerful story that will be of help to anyone who reads it.
Sometimes blogs to book don't work well, but this one sure does. It's wonderfully written. The story is so astounding I doubted it at the beginning, but lo and behold I did my research and it's actually true. This is a powerful story that will be of help to anyone who reads it.
August 10, 2018
Excellent read
I read this book in 2 days. I could not put it down. Tina writes well and I applaud her strength and stamina. Seeing your child have a child with a narcissist is heartbreaking, but the book provided a renewal of faith and strength. God bless you Tina!
I read this book in 2 days. I could not put it down. Tina writes well and I applaud her strength and stamina. Seeing your child have a child with a narcissist is heartbreaking, but the book provided a renewal of faith and strength. God bless you Tina!
May 20, 2020
Excellent
This book was a very easy read and very engaging. I connected with Tina’s story on so many different levels and it gave me a lot of very useful advice on how to document and what issues were the most important.
This book was a very easy read and very engaging. I connected with Tina’s story on so many different levels and it gave me a lot of very useful advice on how to document and what issues were the most important.
October 19, 2018
Great book, terrible story.. but very familiar. If you have this problem, it is a great book to check out.
May 29, 2019
Very helpful !!
March 10, 2020
A MUST READ!
Anyone dealing with a high conflict divorce and/or custody battle must read this book. You are not alone! Thank you, Tina, for bringing awareness to the world!
Anyone dealing with a high conflict divorce and/or custody battle must read this book. You are not alone! Thank you, Tina, for bringing awareness to the world!
February 6, 2021
Tina is an incredible human, and this book (and Tina) got me through some tough times.
December 29, 2021
Reading Tina's story was like reading a reflection of my own life. Her depiction of her hurricane-like divorce and custody battle kept me turning the pages long into the night.
January 3, 2024
Makes you feel not so alone and that the justice system really is a farce.
February 29, 2024
LOVE this book!! The audible is great, but there is so much I want to highlight that I'm going to have to buy the paperback, too!
September 19, 2025
This book describes exactly what my life has been like for the past how many years. It was so validating, soul crushing, and empowering all at once.
February 11, 2017
Tina does a great job of combining her personal story with practical advice "from the battlefield" Making this both both practical and entertaining. There were lots of me too, O I have heard that, and O gee I forgot about that moments as I read this book.
June 27, 2015
Reading this book changed my life. It was like reading the story of my own life but with different characters. Tina's account of her relationship, marriage, and divorce from a narcissist may be just what you need to understand that you aren't alone and YOU AREN'T CRAZY! He just wants you to think you are. Once I was able to put a name on my ex's behavioral problems I was able to adjust my own actions to make it a little better. Learn how the narc decoder works and see how much easier communication with your ex can be!
February 2, 2016
I don't think she used an editor, so the writing wasn't very polished, but I'm glad she wrote this book. Her experience wasn't as terrible as I was anticipating, but there were many, many familiar behaviors. I most appreciate that she is a strong advocate for awareness and change within the legal system.
February 6, 2015
I highly recommend this for parents in high conflict divorces. Reading about her eerily familiar situation will make you feel less alone. She also has excellent tips for court appearances and for communicating with someone with this personality disorder.
February 15, 2022
A Pre- divorce survival guide esp. for those with NPD exe’s.
A must read for women undergoing divorce. Empowering and very informative. First hand information from someone who survived in the battle field of divorce with A narcissistic Ex.
A must read for women undergoing divorce. Empowering and very informative. First hand information from someone who survived in the battle field of divorce with A narcissistic Ex.
February 11, 2015
Very useful
This was a very useful and encouraging book preparing me for a court battle with my ex to win custody of my daughter.
This was a very useful and encouraging book preparing me for a court battle with my ex to win custody of my daughter.
April 10, 2016
Excellent book, tells it like it is. Also get the Narc Decoder.
June 8, 2016
Of you have ever been involved with someone with a personality disorder, this is the book to read. Wish I would have found it sooner.
Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews