Vallidin

by J.R. Brule

Fantasy

318 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 31, 2013

About the author

Justin Brule is devoted to writing thrillers that appeal to a large audience, mastering both language and craft. He has written three novels, a novella, and dozens of short stories sure to get your hair standing. When he's not writing, you can find him spending time reading up on his all-time favorite author, Stephen King, or blogging about the obstacles, hardships, and gratifications of his writer's adventure at www.JRBrule.blogspot.com

He accepts e-mails with any questions or book recommendations. He is also willing to review and/or help prospective authors enter the publishing world.

Reviews

[Cat · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was contacted by the author, who was hoping that I would read and review his new book. He attached the first three chapters and added a link to his book on Amazon. Normally when I am asked to provide a review, authors graciously provide a copy of the entire book as an exchange. That doesn't sound like what this author is offering, but I went ahead and loaded the first three chapters. Here are my impressions:

1. Repetitive, but confusing, information:
- "Bolts of red lightning violently tore through the black sky, stretching over them like roots down the clouds. Echo Tower stood tall, meeting the height of the surrounding mountains. It was made of black stone so heavily refined that it was smooth to the touch. It radiated a tainted, magical force that rendered the sky black, the lightning red, and life to death." Is the lightning itself red (as implied in the first sentence) or is it red because of Echo Tower (as stated in the last sentence)?

- "A deep, bellowing roar echoed through the area, rattling the mountains, the ground, and even the clouds. One could have mistaken it for a brief earthquake." I live in California, and have experienced a number of earthquakes but I have never thought the clouds rattled. Also, "bellowing roar" is redundant.

- Are the Mordread useful or not? It seems like they're used in the upkeep, but Dirge seems to think they're completely expendable. What happened to keeping up the numbers?

- We get it, Dirge's cape billows (I've counted 3 times so far). I think spitting indoors once was more than enough to get the point across, too.

- "A bellowing roar erupted from..." Redundant. Again.

- "He dragged his knife along its surface. Repeating this motion would sharpen it." Yes, if you weren't already aware of how to sharpen a knife, common sense would tell you this.

2. Poor wording
- "He had fallen from the sky like a meteor." I can't tell if this is important or not, as it is mentioned so casually. Plus I don't think this means what the author intends - meteors don't really choose to land anywhere, they just do. It seems like this fellow is here because he wants to be.

- "His thick black boots heavily dropped as he walked, because he had the mass of a thousand men." It should be "dropped heavily." And wow, a thousand men? Gravity must be almost non-existent on this planet.

- "Flowing, tangled icy grey hair was matted on his back." Is it flowing or tangled? I've had long hair for most of my life and I don't think there's ever a time when it can be categorized as both simultaneously. Then, a few sentences later you find out that "His entire body was covered by thick black plate armor, built to withstand even the ripping forces of magic." Not sure your hair can be matted TO your back if you're wearing full body armor.

- "He had an unkept, scruffy face that partially hid his scars." Wait, his FACE hid his scars? How unkept and scruffy are we talking about here? Adding a beard would definitely help.

- "He knew it would sear the flesh of any being that tried to enter it. But he was immune to its magic, for he was more powerful." Not sure how that works; just because you're more powerful than something you're completely immune to it? Wow I guess there are never any magical battles. OH WAIT. There are.

3. Editing in general

- "What is your bidding." I ask this to my kindergartners all the time - is it a question? If it is, it should end in a question mark!

- "He only had happy memories of his parents. Ever since they passed away, he had forgotten anything bad they had ever did to him. Like they had never actually done anything bad." Shouldn't it be 'done' instead of 'did'? And what the heck does the last sentence even mean? They literally never did anything bad? Or because he's purposely forgotten everything bad, it seems that way?

- Generalizations are always tricky: "It was always hot in Alanoon."

So, that's chapter 1 and a bit of chapter 2. I think this book could do well, but it's hard to judge from just the first three chapters. It's clear that this book needs editing - something that should be done sooner rather than later.

Shortly after posting this email, I responded to the author's original inquiry. Here's what he had to say:

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Brule, Justin
Date: Mon, Feb 4, 2013 at 7:24 PM
Subject: RE: Young Adult Fantasy Book Review
To: "Catherine T."

Catherine,

I emailed you the first three chapters to gain your interest in reviewing the entire novel. And I'm not sure I understand your rating system. You gave it 1 star, yet at the end of the review, you conclude that you think this book could do well. Maybe you should post your rating system with the review itself. This was not a very fair way to rate my book, especially since you never even emailed me saying that you would.
________________________________________
From: Catherine T.
Sent: Monday, February 04, 2013 10:19 PM
To: Brule, Justin
Subject: Re: Young Adult Fantasy Book Review

Hi Justin,

Thank you for contacting me. I read through the first three chapters,
and honestly it could use some editing. Also, it's hard to judge a
book based only on a fraction of it, especially since it seems as
though this is the beginning of a series. I added some comments on
Amazon, but I already noticed I left out one of the things I felt
should have been fixed (missing a question mark).

Best,
Catherine

Okay Justin here's my clarification: the writing really needs work and the characters were unrelatable and simplistic. Details are nice, but not when they're so repetitive and unnecessary. The short, choppy sentences were also a bit grating after awhile. So, optimistically, yes this book could do well (as stated previously), however it has some big obstacles to overcome. At the end of chapter 3 I am not drawn in to any of the characters at all, and the super slow moving plot didn't make me want to move on. While I do apologize for not correctly understanding your email, I don't really see what difference it would make if I read the first three chapters now, or after I agreed to review the entire book. In fact, I'm glad I misunderstood because now I don't have to read the entire book. I found your second email very rude. My advice to you is to listen to what the readers have said so far and EDIT your book. Good luck.

[Reggie_Love · Rating 1 out of 5]

I decided to stop after the first few chapters. There were so many things that made no sense, like the fact that weaker wizards were powerless to more powerful wizards (then what's the point if you have no chance?). Also, the main character has armor that protects him from magic, but he himself is immune from magic. Why does he need the special armor? and frankly, just read the description. It is the most cliche plot EVER. I'm sorry, but save yourself from this.

[Adrian Smith · Rating 1 out of 5]

In all honesty, this novel only deserves one star because it is complete. The author asked for me to read and review, sending me the entire version as an ARC, but I cannot get beyond the third chapter. I have tried over and over again to read this, but it's not happening.

This novel is poorly written, and by the end of chapter 2 I have no idea where the plot is going or if there even is a plot. The sentences all have the same structure (short and repetitive). There are so many continuity errors within the first three chapters that they will be impossible to get around in the later chapters. Being immune from magic, yet having magic armor; no one leaving/entering Alanoon, yet Moore travels all the time; these are only a few examples.

Nothing happens in the first chapter: a guy walks into a tower and a guy walks out of a tower. The second chapter, we at least get a scene to grab hold of, although it is short and lacking in description. The third chapter has no scene from what I have read of it.

The dialogue for this novel is bland. There are no personality for each character.

I was unable to finish the third chapter because of poor story/plot line, lack of writing skills and editing skills. I will not be finishing it.

[Lára]

Vallidin was given to me by author in exchange for review.

At the beginning I thought it is going to be a good book. It had elements of science fiction and epic fantasy, characters were funny and interesting. Even the story seemed interesting at first.

And then everything went down.

Unitil Arianya, thing were going just fine. Too little time between fights for conversation or side quests but nothing big to be concerned about.
I thought Ben was a bit like Ron Weasley from Harry Potter series and that bothered me, for I don't like to think about some other story while reading the book.

I thought how everything looked too much like Inheritence Cycle by C. Paolini: Village, the main characters, "mad" man who likes to say stories and then Arianya. I mean, not just name (Arianya)but pointed ears as well. The only difference´s she is not an elf.

I though similarities with all the mentioned books were just a coincidence and then came the evil sword, the mad king, forest (ice) witch and Eldell and I saw only Lord of the Rings.

I am really sorry to say that but I don´t know what more to write. This is really bad.
I wanted to like it so much!
You need to work on your story first, come with something original. And then take your time to slow it down because things were going too fast.

I can´t rate it.

[Tywyll · Rating 3 out of 5]

Vallidin has a lot potential. Brule has a good idea. There were some really nice twists in the plot; some great fantasy locale, characters, and abilities. With some more editing and reworking, it could be quite good.
The flaws were simple sentences, that often repeated an idea, some inconsistencies, as well as grammatical and spelling errors. The dialogue and action sequences in some parts felt choppy, jarring, or out of place. I'm not fond of modern-like speech patterns in a fantasy setting. I expected the kings and elders to speak more eloquently. Some scenes in the beginning quarter of the novel were a bit overly graphic and unsettling. Thankfully, there were only 2 scenes like this and both were brief.
There was a lot left unresolved by the end, so I assume there's a sequel in the works.
All in all, Vallidin has the bare bones of what could be an exciting fantasy read; it just needs to cook a little longer.

Note: I received a free copy from the author for a fair and honest review.

[Nadejda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I reached out to this author and asked to review his book. I freely admit I am NOT a fantasy genre reader myself but I read many of the books my daughters (10 and 12) read. I decided to give this a whirl out of pure curiosity as a new member of Goodreads.

I am a self admitted Kindle-a-holic who reads from multiple genres every single day. I love reading and I love indie authors as much as I love indie music!

So on to Vallidin..... Once the book arrived on my Kindle I curled up with the dogs, my man and the Kindle Fire.

The first thing I did was visit the author's website (I am a web designer and a curious person). On a very simple blog you will find a pictorial outline of this labor of love from a young author. From the concept of the map to the final illustrations by Mahmoud Mohammed this is an labor of love.

For a non-fantasy reader it didn't take long to get "into" the story and feel as if I were right there! For a first novel, I think this was very well put together, very well developed and it was interesting enough to keep my attention for several hours at a time.

This is a young, new author who is determined to create and grow. I applaud him over and over and I am thankful that I was among the first to read and review the book.

Self promotion and marketing is a tough battle for any entrepreneur. Kudos J.R. Brule for taking on this battle and sharing your creativity with us!

** Kindle formatting and spelling were excellent and at least 95% error free. That is a very important to me!

[Angie ~aka Reading Machine~ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Alanoon's people do not believe in magic or that magic exists. Vallidin is an orphan that's befriended by Moore. The village alchemist is found dead by unusual circumstances by Vallidin and his best friend Ben. Vallidin is turned against for telling the truth about alchemist's death. Moore is not who he appears to be as village eccentric but a wizard. Asmodeus has not been seen or heard from in over three thousand years. Yet there is stirring at Asmodeus's Echo Tower. It appears that Asmodeus slave Dirge is helping him gather a new army of Mordread. Vallidin and Ben encounter trouble in Dandal but receive help from an unlikely source High Sorceress Arianya. It's Vallidin's job to unite Odessa and Chakran Armies to defeat Asmodeus forever. Vallidin is in possession of valuable weapon. What is special about Vallidin? What are Moore's intentions? Can Vallidin unite Odessa and Chakran Armies? Where does High Sorceress Arianya fit in? Your answers await you in Vallidin.

Vallidin is a high adventure fantasy that fits in beautifully with Tolkien's Lord of the Rings. Vallidin is a young man that accepts that his place is to help people in need. I loved watching Vallidin grow as character through out the book. I like that his first instinct is to use his brain instead of fighting or arguing. For me, this book was a page turner and needed to get the next chapter to know what happened next. I thought the author did a great job of creating this book. Definitely look forward to the next installment.

[Val Richards · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was given this book free for an honest review.
Where do I start? To begin with, let me say, kudos to the author for his creativity in the various characters of this story. The evil fellas are quite unique. The story is similar to Eragon with lots of magic, wizards, a girl of interest and of course the evil that is coming for them all. I gave the book a three mainly because the story seemed to jump from one scene to another without warning and I had a hard time connecting to the characters. Sometimes it felt like I was being told the story instead of experiencing it through the characters. The relationship of the main character, Vallidin, with the main female character seemed a bit rushed. But who knows, when the treat of the world coming to an end, relationships just advance faster. I think that this book would be fine for younger teens to read, nothing too gory or to mature in the fighting or the relationships. I would like to see more character development in the next book of this series; I think it would help me to connect to them better. Honestly, it wasn’t a book that I would normally read even though I read Eragon but even that book took me a while to finish. I say give the book a go, you might really enjoy it! Again, it is a very creative story with unique characters.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Decent story. Needed a little more editing. Felt incomplete at the end. Like it ended too quickly.

Good story idea, but it felt like things came too easy to Vallidin. He had plenty of trials/tribulations, but it didn't appear that hard for him to overcome them.

I will say that I enjoyed the story, but I think it needs a little further editing and he needs to fail sometimes to become a good hero.

[Angelique · Rating 3 out of 5]

Please follow link to see review

http://whyicantstopreading.wordpress....

[Afifa · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was a nice story, i enjoyed it. I want to read more (: