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Mixed-Up Love: Relationships, Family, and Religious Identity in the 21st Century
Dating, commitment, kids, and family--it's all hard work, and when you come from different religious backgrounds it's even harder.
Jon, a Catholic writer, and Michal, a Reconstructionist rabbi, live out the challenges of an interfaith relationship everyday as husband and wife, and as parents to their daughter Sima, who is being raised Jewish. In MIXED-UP LOVE, the couple explores how interfaith relationships impact dating, weddings, holidays, raising children, and family functions--and how to not just cope, but thrive.
This is an engaging and practical resource for singles who are considering dating outside their own faith, couples in interfaith relationships, relatives and friends of "mixed" couples who seek information and understanding, and parents desiring a fresh perspective. With clarity, insight, and humor, Sweeney and Woll demonstrate how to engage with your partner, family, and faith like never before.
Jon, a Catholic writer, and Michal, a Reconstructionist rabbi, live out the challenges of an interfaith relationship everyday as husband and wife, and as parents to their daughter Sima, who is being raised Jewish. In MIXED-UP LOVE, the couple explores how interfaith relationships impact dating, weddings, holidays, raising children, and family functions--and how to not just cope, but thrive.
This is an engaging and practical resource for singles who are considering dating outside their own faith, couples in interfaith relationships, relatives and friends of "mixed" couples who seek information and understanding, and parents desiring a fresh perspective. With clarity, insight, and humor, Sweeney and Woll demonstrate how to engage with your partner, family, and faith like never before.
- GenresReligionNonfiction
224 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2013
5 people are currently reading
251 people want to read
About the author
Jon M. Sweeney
107 books86 followersJon M. Sweeney is an independent scholar and writer of popular history. He is married, the father of three, and lives in Montpelier, Vermont. He has worked in book publishing for 25 years: after co-founding SkyLight Paths Publishing, he was the editor in chief and publisher at Paraclete Press, and in August 2015 became editorial director at Franciscan Media Books.
He has written more than 20 books, seven about Francis of Assisi, including "When Saint Francis Saved the Church" and "The Complete Francis of Assisi." HBO has optioned the film rights to "The Pope Who Quit."
Jon's first 20 years were spent as an involved evangelical (a story told in the memoir "Born Again and Again"); he then spent 22 years as an active Episcopalian (see "Almost Catholic," among others); and on the feast day of St. Francis of Assisi in 2009 he was received into the Catholic Church. Today, Jon is a practicing Catholic who also prays regularly with his wife, a rabbi. He loves the church, the synagogue, and other aspects of organized religion. He would never say that he's "spiritual but not religious."
In all of his writing, Jon is drawn to the ancient and medieval (see "The Road to Assisi," and "Inventing Hell"). Many of his books have been selections of the History Book Club, Book-of-the-Month Club, and Quality Paperback Book Club.
He has written more than 20 books, seven about Francis of Assisi, including "When Saint Francis Saved the Church" and "The Complete Francis of Assisi." HBO has optioned the film rights to "The Pope Who Quit."
Jon's first 20 years were spent as an involved evangelical (a story told in the memoir "Born Again and Again"); he then spent 22 years as an active Episcopalian (see "Almost Catholic," among others); and on the feast day of St. Francis of Assisi in 2009 he was received into the Catholic Church. Today, Jon is a practicing Catholic who also prays regularly with his wife, a rabbi. He loves the church, the synagogue, and other aspects of organized religion. He would never say that he's "spiritual but not religious."
In all of his writing, Jon is drawn to the ancient and medieval (see "The Road to Assisi," and "Inventing Hell"). Many of his books have been selections of the History Book Club, Book-of-the-Month Club, and Quality Paperback Book Club.
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
February 7, 2014
First, I need to say I know the author. Just so you know. Now the strange love story....
Jon Sweeney was a youngish mad just getting divorced, losing weight, and converting to Catholicism (yes, I told you it was strange). He had been raised a Christian, worked in Christian publishing, converted to become an Episcopalian and worked for an ecumenical Jewish publishing company in Vermont. While undergoing this spiritual, physical, lifestyle transformation, he met a woman...the local rabbi. She had been raised in a secular Jewish family and joined the rabbinate later in life.
They fell in love.
This is the story of that love and how they decided to incorporate their faiths into their marriage. It's a clearly written nonjudgmental look at the problems and blessings (many in both cases). Because they are both interested in books, they looked at the issues clearly and the book is written very well.
It's a wonderful dual-memoir and something that is good reading for anyone getting married, no matter what their faith differences or similarities. No matter how much alike two people are, they are different enough from each other that reading this book and cherishing those differences would be a good idea.
Jon Sweeney was a youngish mad just getting divorced, losing weight, and converting to Catholicism (yes, I told you it was strange). He had been raised a Christian, worked in Christian publishing, converted to become an Episcopalian and worked for an ecumenical Jewish publishing company in Vermont. While undergoing this spiritual, physical, lifestyle transformation, he met a woman...the local rabbi. She had been raised in a secular Jewish family and joined the rabbinate later in life.
They fell in love.
This is the story of that love and how they decided to incorporate their faiths into their marriage. It's a clearly written nonjudgmental look at the problems and blessings (many in both cases). Because they are both interested in books, they looked at the issues clearly and the book is written very well.
It's a wonderful dual-memoir and something that is good reading for anyone getting married, no matter what their faith differences or similarities. No matter how much alike two people are, they are different enough from each other that reading this book and cherishing those differences would be a good idea.
September 29, 2015
The good: the stories of real interfaith couples making it work; some of the authors' own examples of what they do.
The not so good: the alternating narration of each author; too much of their story being told to the point it was at times hard to relate to because they tied it so closely to their experience; no real answers other than communicate, compromise, find common ground, do what you want.
The not so good: the alternating narration of each author; too much of their story being told to the point it was at times hard to relate to because they tied it so closely to their experience; no real answers other than communicate, compromise, find common ground, do what you want.
September 16, 2017
Mixed-Up Love is a memoir/personal study on interfaith marriages on the U.S. The authors(who are married) showcase their lives and how they came together. One comes from a evangelical background and the other Jewish. Furthermore, the husband--Jon--later converts to Catholicism. So, my initial thoughts on this book fell in the typical questions: why? & How?. They answered the how pretty well in the book. But the why? Was lacking.
Why get married to someone from a different faith?
Why deal with the difficulties associated with raising children in a multiple faith home?
They do not provide any encouragement in these areas and plainly state that there are difficulties. So not everything is "easy" when it comes to interfaith marriages.
Also, something else that I noticed was the consistent theme in the book that those who seek an interfaith marriage come from a divorce background. Most of the examples and even the authors themselves share that aspect. I wonder if being divorced within your own religious tradition makes you consider marrying outside of it viable? I'm sure research is being done on this and well soon have an answer.
Until then, I will say this book has value and a purpose. However, the conclusions that the authors draw(based on their own experience more than anything else) is short sighted and minimalistic when advising people to consider interfaith marriages.
Why get married to someone from a different faith?
Why deal with the difficulties associated with raising children in a multiple faith home?
They do not provide any encouragement in these areas and plainly state that there are difficulties. So not everything is "easy" when it comes to interfaith marriages.
Also, something else that I noticed was the consistent theme in the book that those who seek an interfaith marriage come from a divorce background. Most of the examples and even the authors themselves share that aspect. I wonder if being divorced within your own religious tradition makes you consider marrying outside of it viable? I'm sure research is being done on this and well soon have an answer.
Until then, I will say this book has value and a purpose. However, the conclusions that the authors draw(based on their own experience more than anything else) is short sighted and minimalistic when advising people to consider interfaith marriages.
December 31, 2020
This amiable meditation on interfaith marriages and families focuses on Jewish-Christian unions, but it contains insights applicable to many religiously mixed families. Chief among them: The process of forming an interfaith home never ends. It requires constant negotiation, discussion, and empathy. Another major theme of the book is being intentional about the construction of that home — what artwork, rituals, foods, and disciplines are brought into it. Jon Sweeney and Rabbi Michal Woll write with a progressive political lens; this is their take on interfaith marriage, being in one themselves. Woll's discussion of rabbinical politics surrounding interfaith marriage is intriguing. Despite being a progressive, Woll is not always comfortable officiating Jewish marriages for interfaith couples. Her objection stems not from Jewish-Christian unions, but rather couples that demonstrate an insincere commitment to Jewish ritual and culture. Parts of the book, particularly the discussion of in-law relations, could have been more detailed, but overall the book provides a thoughtful approach to interfaith love. The bottom line is that different religions should not stand in the way of love, but those religions cannot be ignored.
February 10, 2023
Refreshing. The authors have recently been named co-directors at the Lux Center for Catholic-Jewish Studies at Sacred Heart Seminary and School of Theology here in Franklin, WI. I briefly met Rabbi Woll a year ago and then heard her speak last Friday night at services. An article in our local Jewish Chronicle highlighted the couple and mentioned this book. Given the book is now 10 years old I am interested in ways in which their perspectives and experiences have evolved. If you have a “mixed-up” relationship in your world it is likely to provide some insights.
May 20, 2015
Jon M. Sweeney and Michal Woll have written an excellent addition to the growing canon of interfaith memoirs, written with the intent of placing their particular relationship within the larger framework of a society that finds it's security less and less through rigidly protected social boundaries and more and more through cross-cultural relationships. In other words, we are all learning that we can thrive only when people who are different from us have a stake in our survival. We accomplish this by having a stake in theirs.
The importance of reaching across cultures to achieve not just understanding but also empathy plays out on all levels, from neighborhoods to economies to warfare. Those who stay isolated falter in times of trouble for their lack of robustness. Those who let people from other groups influence them are more nimble when they encounter Change.
It is a virtuous cycle: as cross-cultural or interfaith relationships become more acceptable, more folks who would have backed away from the strength a particular partner offered from a different set of experiences now embrace the challenges of figuring out life outside of old models. This, in turn, creates new roles for the next couples to look to for inspiration. The value of interfaith memoirs is to give families new ways to think about, dream about, and talk about how to practice multiple faiths in one household in a way that makes everyone involved better for it.
The strength of Mixed-Up Love is the personal nature of the story: the sweet details and the actual nuts and bolts of conflict and resolution. Too often, I'm disappointed by memoirs that gloss over specific logistics in the haze of success and viewed in hindsight. I was delighted to feel as if I'd been welcomed into the kind of intimacy of minutia one usually receives in real-time over tea with a friend. As with most things, this specificity is also its weakness. Jon and Michal met and married in their forties, after lives spent forging paths that required and allowed for lots of self-reflection and spiritual maturity. By the time they met, they had each somewhat firmly settled into religiously radical viewpoints within their own traditions. I think their story might be hard to access for young, more mainstream couples who haven't had as much time to sort out their own knowledge of self or who have and have decided that more traditional forms of religious practice were appealing.
But their story is fascinating and warmly told. I was entranced by their style of writing and tone: at once both deliberate and loose. These are clearly two highly intelligent people with a deep love for one another that has an additional element of strong companionship. We should all be so lucky to develop the kind of marriage they have and have generously shared with readers.
The only real objection I have is that Jon and Michal give primacy to prayer, ritual and liturgy as spiritual acts. They do not spend much time discussing home practices in Judaism and they give the sacred bread-breaking tradition of Christian potlucks no value in their lives. Although I love corporate religious services, I was sad to find the more mundane aspects of spirituality minimized. Jon does acknowledge that prayer is better when in the company of people who know his name and they cite numerous times that deep relationships are a foundational value for both of them.
Perhaps their peculiarities (which they comfortably discuss in the book) have not let them experience deep relationships within a religious organization and that is why ii is seen as a less-than option for engaging God. My own successful experiences encountering God through loving and being loved by other people at post-modern church or with a progressive rabbi or even in high school youth group growing up make spiritual community a higher priority for me as a spiritual discipline. Passover Seders, dinners for 8, small group study, chavura and keeping kosher are all forms of worship that they do not emphasize.
However, Jon and Michal's obvious desire to tell a story that is unique and useful to the larger interfaith community balance this small objection out. They do a particularly good job of describing a Christian faith that is not threatened by a spouse and child who are Jewish and sensibly describing the theology behind that comfort in a way that everyone can understand. Not all faith is based on insisting a set of beliefs is the absolute truth but those voices are often much quieter than fundamentalist voices. Jon and Michal speak loudly and clearly in this area to everyone's benefit.
The more our organizations make room for folks to bring their whole selves to the community, the stronger we all will be. Jon and Michal's book and life together definitely contribute positively to this transformation of the interfaith landscape.
I highly recommend Mixed-Up Love to couples navigating their own interfaith families, grandparents of interfaith grandchildren and clergy who want to better understand the couples who walk through their doors and the options available for their lives together.
(This review was originally published in a different form on InterfaithFamily.com)
The importance of reaching across cultures to achieve not just understanding but also empathy plays out on all levels, from neighborhoods to economies to warfare. Those who stay isolated falter in times of trouble for their lack of robustness. Those who let people from other groups influence them are more nimble when they encounter Change.
It is a virtuous cycle: as cross-cultural or interfaith relationships become more acceptable, more folks who would have backed away from the strength a particular partner offered from a different set of experiences now embrace the challenges of figuring out life outside of old models. This, in turn, creates new roles for the next couples to look to for inspiration. The value of interfaith memoirs is to give families new ways to think about, dream about, and talk about how to practice multiple faiths in one household in a way that makes everyone involved better for it.
The strength of Mixed-Up Love is the personal nature of the story: the sweet details and the actual nuts and bolts of conflict and resolution. Too often, I'm disappointed by memoirs that gloss over specific logistics in the haze of success and viewed in hindsight. I was delighted to feel as if I'd been welcomed into the kind of intimacy of minutia one usually receives in real-time over tea with a friend. As with most things, this specificity is also its weakness. Jon and Michal met and married in their forties, after lives spent forging paths that required and allowed for lots of self-reflection and spiritual maturity. By the time they met, they had each somewhat firmly settled into religiously radical viewpoints within their own traditions. I think their story might be hard to access for young, more mainstream couples who haven't had as much time to sort out their own knowledge of self or who have and have decided that more traditional forms of religious practice were appealing.
But their story is fascinating and warmly told. I was entranced by their style of writing and tone: at once both deliberate and loose. These are clearly two highly intelligent people with a deep love for one another that has an additional element of strong companionship. We should all be so lucky to develop the kind of marriage they have and have generously shared with readers.
The only real objection I have is that Jon and Michal give primacy to prayer, ritual and liturgy as spiritual acts. They do not spend much time discussing home practices in Judaism and they give the sacred bread-breaking tradition of Christian potlucks no value in their lives. Although I love corporate religious services, I was sad to find the more mundane aspects of spirituality minimized. Jon does acknowledge that prayer is better when in the company of people who know his name and they cite numerous times that deep relationships are a foundational value for both of them.
Perhaps their peculiarities (which they comfortably discuss in the book) have not let them experience deep relationships within a religious organization and that is why ii is seen as a less-than option for engaging God. My own successful experiences encountering God through loving and being loved by other people at post-modern church or with a progressive rabbi or even in high school youth group growing up make spiritual community a higher priority for me as a spiritual discipline. Passover Seders, dinners for 8, small group study, chavura and keeping kosher are all forms of worship that they do not emphasize.
However, Jon and Michal's obvious desire to tell a story that is unique and useful to the larger interfaith community balance this small objection out. They do a particularly good job of describing a Christian faith that is not threatened by a spouse and child who are Jewish and sensibly describing the theology behind that comfort in a way that everyone can understand. Not all faith is based on insisting a set of beliefs is the absolute truth but those voices are often much quieter than fundamentalist voices. Jon and Michal speak loudly and clearly in this area to everyone's benefit.
The more our organizations make room for folks to bring their whole selves to the community, the stronger we all will be. Jon and Michal's book and life together definitely contribute positively to this transformation of the interfaith landscape.
I highly recommend Mixed-Up Love to couples navigating their own interfaith families, grandparents of interfaith grandchildren and clergy who want to better understand the couples who walk through their doors and the options available for their lives together.
(This review was originally published in a different form on InterfaithFamily.com)
February 6, 2014
What ever your spiritual path believe in something and be consistent....
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews