Bleed Like Me

by Christa Desir

From the author of Fault Line comes an edgy and heartbreaking novel about two self-destructive teens in a Sid and Nancy-like romance full of passion, chaos, and dyed hair.

Seventeen-year-old Amelia Gannon (just "Gannon" to her friends) is invisible to almost everyone in her life. To her parents, to her teachers-even her best friend, who is more interested in bumming cigarettes than bonding. Some days the only way Gannon knows she is real is by carving bloody lines into the flesh of her stomach.

Then she meets Michael Brooks, and for the first time, she feels like she is being seen to the core of her being. Obnoxious, controlling, damaged, and addictive, he inserts himself into her life until all her scars are exposed. Each moment together is a passionate, painful relief.

But as the relationship deepens, Gannon starts to feel as if she's standing at the foot of a dam about to burst. She's given up everything and everyone in her life for him, but somehow nothing is enough for Brooks-until he poses the ultimate test.

Bleed Like Me is a piercing, intimate portrayal of the danger of a love so obsessive it becomes its own biggest threat.

Genres: Young Adult, Contemporary, Romance, Realistic Fiction, Mental Health, Abuse, Fiction

288 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 7, 2014

About the author

I'm a YA author who loves dark contemporary books. Novels include: FAULT LINE (Oct 2013), BLEED LIKE ME (Oct 2014), OTHER BROKEN THINGS (Jan 2016), LOVE BLIND (May 2016), and FOUR-LETTER WORD (May 2018).

I am also a feminist, rape victim activist, book seller, and romance novel editor. I live outside of Chicago with my husband and our three children.

Reviews

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

You can also read my review here:https://devouringbooks2017.wordpress....

WARNING before reading this book you need to buy a box of tissues, cause you are going to cry, and you are going to cry a lot.

This is a book that gets down to the grit of a very serious issue, self-harm. It is a story that will rip you apart from the inside out.

Gannon has been invisible for the past five years. Her parents adopted three brothers from Guatemala and ever since then, she has fallen into the background. She only has one friend and they pretty much just chain smoke cigarettes together. Gannon escapes from the emotional pain of her life by causing herself physical pain through cutting. But when she meets Brooks everything starts to change. Brooks is interested in her from the very start. He sees her, when to everyone else she is invisible. It isn't long before she needs him like she needs oxygen to breathe.

I've never read such a heart-wrenching and raw book. I probably cried a dozen times reading this. Christa Desir developed two very three dimensional characters in an extremely co-dependent relationship. Through reading you could feel the need that Gannon had for Brooks.

This book took you inside the head of someone who cut themselves. It was easy to understand the pain Gannon went through and how she found relief. When reading about a subject like this you often feel like an outsider looking in, but that is not the case in Bleed Like Me.

I received a copy of this book to review courtesy of Edelweiss and Simon Pulse.

[Marga · Rating 1 out of 5]

After a series of really good books, I thought that the good luck will stay forever. That I will read only good books from now on. Lol. Who am I kidding? I am actually looking forward to this one and sadly, this book is a huge disappointment.

What the freaking heck?!? I expect something moving, something that would bring to me tears. I am in a mood for a good cry. But this freaking book is just so frustrating. This book made me angry not sad!

The plot:

Amelia Gannon is an only child. She was happy with the family she belonged to. But everything changed when her mother adopted three boys from Guatemala when she saw them on the streets. Now, everyday is just about surviving. The boys were a nightmare. Her parents started to fight about everything. Amelia started to disappear. And sometime after that, she started cutting herself. It calmed her down and make her feel numb. After a while, she met a guy who seem to know her more than anyone else and could see pass her bull. He urged her to stop cutting and she did. She might quit an addiction but it seems like she found a new one..

I don't know what this book is trying to tell it's readers or if there is really something this book is aiming for. If there is, I didn't freaking get it.

I know some people cut themselves and it's an awful and disturbing issue but I don't think they should be reading this. This book will not help them. In fact, they might got even more depressed.

The characters:

Amelia Gannon. I understand. Her parents sort of abandoned her. She had to help her mother care for those naughty boys. In short, tough life. Well, doesn't everyone have something to complained about?

I tried so hard but I just couldn't relate to her. Maybe I just don't know what she really felt.

Michael Brooks. OMG. He's a total psycho. I really didn't care if he sees past Amelia's defences. I know he loves Amelia but it's a bad kind of love. He's in a very dark pit and he's pulling Amelia down with him. He's paranoid and scary possessive. Seriously, that right there is a recipe for disaster.

These two are a crappy pair since the start and everybody knew it. They are both broken. And if you're not fixed yourself, how can you make someone whole?

Also, Amelia is a sad excuse of a bestfriend. *sigh* Her friends tried to reach out to her but all she can see is how Brooks is really the only one who understood her. Gag.

The ending:

The ending sucks. Seriously. What in the world is this? Nothing is really resolved. I think Amelia's messed-up life just became more crappy at the end! There are so many loose ends. Ugh. The book just end there. In the middle of nowhere. Not cool.

This is not a bad book(some people loved this one) but I did not really enjoyed this at all. I just didn't get the purpose of this book.

Final rating: 1.5/5 stars

**ARC provided by publisher/author via Edelweiss in exchanged of a honest review.

[Steph Sinclair · Rating 4 out of 5]

WOW. It’s no secret how strongly I loved Fault Line, so when I saw Bleed Like Me go up on Edelweiss, I knew I had to read it. I was not disappointed.

The other day I found myself in a conversation with a few people who thought YA was mostly made up of love triangles, teen angst and paranormal creatures that run around with their shirt off. To be fair, there are a good amount of these kinds of books in YA just as there are in Adult Urban Fantasy or PNR, and there is nothing wrong with these novels.

My issue always stems from the fact that some make blanket statements about YA when they don't even read YA. YA has too much romance. YA is full of girls and their inability to choose which Totally Hot Guy they want to spend the rest of their life with. YA has too much sex; we must protect the children! YA is too dark. Most of these I brush off as ignorance, but the last one usually gives me pause. It's rather ironic that some would want to limit stories that portray harsher lives of teens. It's almost as if they worry it'll rub off on kids, and it's an absurd notion.

Bleed Like Me would fall under the "Dark YA" umbrella -- though, I prefer to refer to it as an Issue Book since "dark" is subjective -- and like  Fault Line , I would be hesitant to recommend it to a younger teen (read: under 13 years of age) unless they are reading it with their parent or guardian. It does contain a few mature themes: drugs, cutting, suicide, etc., however, nothing is glamorized and it would be a great book to open discussion.

This novel shows what happens when two teens so deeply tangled in a bad romance, go from bad to worse. It's just as grim, heartbreaking, horrifying and tragic as Desir’s debut. Like Fault Line, nothing is spared and the characters go through situations no one should have to deal with. Twilight has the stigma of being the punchline to YA for Bella and Edward’s co-dependent relationship being glamorized, but in Bleed Like Me, no such fairytale exists. Gannon and Brooks are in an unhealthy relationship, addicted to each other and unable to see how toxic it is.

It’s a quick read, but not always easy due to the subject manner. But I will say it was hard to put down and I spent 2 hours sitting in my grocery store parking lot binge reading because I just had to see how it ended. Nothing good happens in this book, so if you are looking for something light, this won't "Git R Done" for you. Still, it's an important read and I hope more people consider picking it up and giving it a chance. Add this to your list, people. It’s a winner.

More reviews and other fantastical things at Cuddlebuggery.

[Alexa]

Ganon...

Where have I heard that before...

....

[Andrew · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF at page 90. I knew something was gonna be bad when I saw a comment on the page for this book that made my stomach churn. Not one character in this book is believable. While Gannon and Brooks' relationship wasn't a good one, it was still unrealistic even in dysfunctional terms. Even her brothers' actions are too unrealistic, especially as adopted children. That's enough. This is awful. I can't even tell if it's just awful, unexplained time jumping that makes this book so bad. Don't waste your time. I'm disgusted.

[Jolene Perry · Rating 5 out of 5]

HOLY FREAKING UNBELIEVABLE.

This is one of those books that HOOKED me in the very first few pages, and I loved it and wanted to scream and just... This is such a fantastic, disturbing read.
I fell in love with these characters, HUGE flaws and all.

FAB.

[Jenn (One of Many, We are Legion) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to Simon Pulse via Edelweiss for providing me with an advanced review copy of this book!

This book is a doozy and I feel certain that it will divide reviewers on its release. I don’t foresee a ton of middle ground with this one - it’s going to be polarizing.

Before I get to the meat of my thoughts, I’d like to address some of the criticisms. If you look through the few negative reviews posted as of this writing (7.29.14), you’ll notice common complaints: no one learns anything, it lacks introspection, and feels mostly unresolved. These reviews are not wrong, and that’s something you should know going in. If you need the characters to exhibit positive growth or learn something from their circumstances, you are going to be disappointed. Edit re these thoughts at the bottom.

Luckily for me, I don’t need that. I love grim characters in grim situations and, sometimes, I love them even more when they don’t learn a damn thing. I find it realistic, because our society certainly has its fair share of people doing the same. What a happy thought that people will always grow, become better people, and learn from their errors. This, however, is not a happy book. At its core, this book is about toxic relationships and the tragic results of that relationship.

Something else you should know going in is that this book is one giant trigger warning for people who engage in self-harm, specifically cutting to deal with emotional pain.

Amelia Gannon learned to disappear five years ago after her parents adopted three hellions boys from the streets of Guatemala. These boys, dealing with psychological traumas of their own, are every parents’ worst nightmare and will certainly convince anyone on the fence to never have children. Dad has checked out of the family, and her mom is basically going it alone, trying desperately to rein them in, show them love, and teach them to behave, but in the meantime, effectively ignoring Amelia.

Gannon masquerades as a tough girl - chain-smoking, wearing her goth gear as armor, and using her abrasive demeanor as a shield - but she really isn’t tough at all. Mix a huge life change with teen angst, hormones, and abandonment issues and you wind up with a weak and broken girl who has no idea how to cope with strong emotions of any nature. So she becomes invisible and cuts.

I won’t lie. I will never be able to comprehend what drives a person to cut. I wear my emotions on my sleeve - I cannot hide or run from them, because it shows all over my face. When I feel overwhelmed or frustrated by powerful emotions, I tend to wind up in tears. That’s my release. Gannon, however, either refuses to or cannot acknowledge those emotions she feels, so she releases her feelings with a razor. While I do not understand it, this book came closer to offering an explanation than any article I’ve ever read on the subject.

Gannon’s home life is so miserable, she spends as much time as possible out of the home. She works as often as possible, and she spends time with her best friend, but most of the time she is alone. Even her relationship with her best friend, however, is nothing but surface. They don’t discuss their lives, their hopes and dreams, they really don’t even discuss boys. Mostly, they chain-smoke together. Gannon truly is...alone. Though she lives in suburbia, just outside of Chicago, the town feels small, and the setting really adds to the overall theme of her suffocation and desperation.

Enter Michael Brooks, a boy she meets at the park. This is where her tough girl mask fails her. She is guarded and defensive towards him, but Brooks is pretty domineering (and at her core, she is pretty submissive, despite her outward attempts to behave otherwise). He doesn’t sweep her off her feet; no, he sort of drags her, kicking and screaming, into a relationship. He fixates on her and provides a bit of a stalker-esque vibe (he even marks her as his claim), but being so lonely and invisible, she can’t help but be drawn in by this aggressive boy - this person who sees her. Her gut tells her to avoid this situation, to avoid this controlling, alpha boy, but she cannot help herself - he gives her more attention than her parents have in five years- and she submits to all of it.

It would be a classic case of the boy who wants to fix the broken girl, except the boy in this case is just as broken.

His broken nature becomes increasingly clearer throughout the book - he has his own psychological traumas, most of which are never truly explored, but that is a side effect of his own inability to really open up to Gannon, from whose perspective the book is written. What’s odd to me is that, at least in the first half of the book, he’s strangely likable for his refusal to put up with Gannon’s desire to act like a victim. It’s like his devotion to her, despite being unhealthy, somehow overrode all his terrible traits (the aforementioned control issues, arrogance, and dominant attitude).

They fall in love and give themselves to the other as fully as they know how. Their co-dependence becomes an addiction, and no amount of warnings from outsiders will convince them that the relationship isn’t healthy. It does not end well:

We lived minute by minute, holding onto drops of water that evaporated before we could lick them up. There was no break for Junior Mints and horror movies, just a pounding grind and a seemingly bottomless pit.

Now, while the depths of this relationship are far beyond what I’ve personally witnessed, years ago I lost a dear friend due to an unhealthy, co-dependent relationship, so while I’ve never seen it brought to this level, I certainly know the side effects of it. Scott was my roommate at the time and I loved him dearly. Then he met a boy who swept him off his feet. I was happy for them at the beginning. Until Scott checked out of his life. He was so addicted to this boy he spent all his spare cash on him (which wasn’t much as a waiter), stopped paying his bills, stopped going to work (he didn’t even give notice - he just stopped showing up so he could stay in bed with his man all weekend), had his car repossessed, and ultimately caused huge rifts in his relationships not only with myself, but with people who had been his friends for years before I ever met him. We never recovered from it and I have no idea what became of him.

I have no doubt, however, that the relationship didn’t last. How could it? The relationship was all passion and flame, burning to a cinder, combusting to ash.

And it seems only those on the outside are able to see it:

The two of you are like frickin’ Romeo and Juliet. Everyone knows it. We’re just waiting to see which one of you takes the poison and which one takes a gun to the head.

How can either of them see this relationship for what it is - how can they fix each other when they can’t fix themselves?

I think you all know the answer to that.

Great book, but grim, dark, depressing and tragic. Life isn’t a Disney movie, and neither is this book.

ETA: Something else struck me. I was listening to the song Say Something by A Great Big World, which might be one of the most honest and soul crushing songs about a failed relationship I've ever heard. I know that seems hokey, but I think anyone who has ever been in a deep relationship, be it a toxic and self-destructive, or simply a great love that didn't work out, can feel those failures through the music (though I think the song is more applicable to the latter type relationship since that is the the type more likely to admit that it is failing). Healing from that type of loss takes a long time. I know. I've been there.

I was with someone for seven years and when it ended, I was absolutely wrecked for a long time. It took a long time for me to dig away and feel like a whole person again. To stop seeing him everywhere, in everything. To get out of bed. To do something - anything - and not wallow in my own misery. To feel like I might one day find someone else to love. To love myself again. No joke, the grief was similar to what one might experience following the death of a loved one. It's a pain that never truly goes away (hence why the song made me think of it).

Although the relationship portrayed in this book involves two teens (17 to 18 years old), I believed that they were deeply in love by the end of it. It wasn't a juvenile, puppy love. This was a can't-live-without-you, what-will-my-life-be-without-you-in-it kind of love. In the words of the song - "Anywhere I would have followed you" kind of love. When you're in the thick of that, you cannot see beyond it. As bad as things get, you just can't let it go and no one wants to be the one to say "this isn't working."

Because of that, I think it's a little short-sighted to suggest that the MC doesn't learn anything, because truth is, we really don't know. The epilogue finds us a mere three months after the main events took place. Gannon still sees Brooks everywhere, she still thinks of him all the time. Her healing process will take time, and though she's moving on, it's not fair to her to say that she should be over it within three months.

Because this book isn't about lessons learned. It's about pain and heartbreak in its various forms.

[Beck · Rating 1 out of 5]

I want to be up front about exactly how dark and fucked up this book is. There are very graphic, detailed scenes depicting self harm. There is sex, drugs, running away, an abusive relationship, and even the violent death of a kitten (nothing is shown, but we’re told about it after the fact.) I want to be clear that my low rating is not because of the content, but because of the execution. I have lived through so many of the things that happened on the pages of Bleed Like Me and for the most part, I felt that this book really dropped the ball in representing this well.

When I was a teenager, I self harmed, from the ages of 13 to 18. I’ve lived through abuse of many kinds, including a string of horrifyingly awful boyfriends. At the tender age of 19 I had to accept that I was self medicating and had become addicted to drugs, and I had to fight that addiction (and that fight continues every single day. It doesn’t just go away.) Now, the purpose of this review isn’t to talk about me and what I’ve lived through, but I think it’s important to give some context to my feelings about Bleed Like Me and why I thought it was awful.

I could relate to Gannon in too many ways; it was almost like looking at a mirror. Ever since her parents adopted her three younger brothers five years ago, Gannon has felt invisible. And while my younger siblings are not adopted and certainly did not have the same background as Gannon’s brothers, I could still feel the sharp sting of being replaced. I was ten when my sister was born, but that wasn’t as hard for me, since I didn’t live with my mom. But when my dad and stepmom had a son, when I was 12, it affected me. There were other things going on at the same time too, so I could absolutely connect with Gannon’s feelings of losing control, losing the love of your parents, and feeling like you don’t matter at all. Of course, Gannon’s brothers, being adopted at an older age and having lived on the streets beforehand, they have an entirely different situation. I tried to have some compassion for the three brothers, but they were absolute terrors and gleefully killed a kitten, so it was hard.

When Gannon meets Brooks, it’s easy to see that this isn’t going to be a positive, healing relationship. He’s huffing spray paint out of a paper bag and doesn’t take no for an answer. Shortly after their first introduction, Brooks asserts himself into Gannon’s life and slowly takes over. It doesn’t take long for Gannon to abandon the few good things in her life: her best friend, and her job. Soon, life is all about Brooks whether that means making drug runs, popping E, or even letting him be the one wielding the razor. That’s right – HE cuts HER. This relationship is obviously unstable and unhealthy. I don’t think the author was trying to get one over on us or try to convince the reader that any of this was romantic. It wasn’t. But you know what? I understood how Gannon could get to that point with Brooks. I understood her need to self harm, to self medicate, and to throw all of herself into the tumultuous relationship. I did these same things, but I had different motivations, and that’s where I lost my understanding of Gannon. When I hurt myself, I did it to bring myself back to reality. And when I did unbelievably stupid shit, it wasn’t to impress anyone – it was because I did not care what happened to me. The thing is, I think there was room for that sort of exploration of depression and self harm within this book, but the author, like I said, dropped the ball.

The worst thing about all this is that I think the book lacks focus. Halfway through reading I was sure Gannon was going to learn something. I was sure she was going to get help and actually try to get her shit together. Even if she didn’t succeed at any type of recover (which is SO realistic let’s not even play) at least then it would have been obvious what the book was trying to say. But even after her house burns down, she has a stay in a psychiatric facility, Brooks goes to juvie, they run away and live in a shit hole that doesn’t even have a bathroom, and Brooks ultimately kills himself I don’t think Gannon really learned anything. She didn’t change at all from beginning to end. Even in the epilogue, she still wasn’t over Brooks, still didn’t understand that any of the shit she did was wrong and unhealthy. I understand what an intense and abusive romantic relationship can do to you. I know that having an abusive partner can rob you of any sense of worth or sense of self. But when a character in a book does not change at all, I feel the author has failed.

One last thing – I want to talk about technical errors and why this book made me rage even in the beginning when I still liked it. The writing was atrocious. The metaphors were ridiculous. And I thought it was a mistake to have such clearly graphic imagery for one violent thing, but not others. Also: the smoking. Holy fucking shit. It was like the author has never spent any amount of time near a smoker in her life. I have smoked for ten years (recently quit! yay!) and before that, I grew up in a family of smokers. Literally NO ONE in the history of time has ever called menthol cigarettes “filtered menthols” or anything other than fucking cigarettes. No one has ever said anything like “God, I could use a filtered menthol right about now.” No one says, “He picked me up a package of filtered menthols.” I mean, I know it sounds incredibly stupid, but SO MUCH of this book was dedicated to those goddamn filtered menthols and how obsessed the characters were with smoking cigarettes. Never in my life have I see ANYONE so preoccupied by cigarettes, and I’ve worked retail.

In short, Bleed Like Me was simply a huge disappointment. At first, I really connected with the main character’s story and her struggle with the addiction of self harm, her feelings of helplessness, and even/especially her descent into an abusive relationship. But with a lack of focus and voice, coupled with horrible writing, there’s no way I could ever give this thing higher than this 1.5 rating. Trigger warnings for those who have depression, drug addiction issues, abuse issues, and those who are triggered by fire and burns.

[Heather ~*dread mushrooms*~ · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't always rate books I DNF, but I do when I feel like I've got a handle on how the rest of the story will go. That's the case here. I stopped at page 126, bored with the MC. The stuff with her brothers was so over the top it was unbelievable. I flipped through the rest, and then read the epilogue. I don't think I missed anything.

[Alice Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! Okay, so I could hardly put this book down, which in and of itself owes this book 5 stars!

This book was nicely written in the sense that the writing style and sentences made the characters' actions feel like constant slaps in the face. The gritty style was perfect!

At first, I hated Brooks. But then I just felt so bad for him. I wanted to hug him all the while knowing that no one could ever help him. He would have to save himself.

The possessive, toxic relationship is described realistically and isn't romanticized, which I really appreciate. Amelia's situation is anything but romantic.

This book had a few aspects that rubbed me the wrong way. One of them was the description of Amelia's brothers. The three of them are identical... As if they wouldn't have different personalities. And the way they were depicted disturbed me because orphans over the age of three have enough trouble getting adopted, they don't need books spreading the image that adopting them is a bad idea! When it comes to foster care and adoption, Lauren Myracle did a wonderful job in "The Infinite Moment of Us."
I would recommend that book instead.

I also don't feel like cutting was described accurately in this book.

Some characters were really shallow, like Amelia's parents, but I guess that was to show how absent they were.

Reading this book is really painful!!! Which is why I'm giving it 5 stars! Nothing rocks my world more than books that make me ache.
I didn't particularly like any of the characters, but I ached along with them and this book gave me MAJOR feels!!

Brooks is an interesting male character because he is so deeply flawed with no sugar-coating. What breaks my heart the most is that I've met people like him and he is deeply realistic. : (

I recommend this book to other masochists like me out there.

I just realized what the title meant... The second meaning of it. That's a painful realization... : /

[Ross Wetzel · Rating 1 out of 5]

I am going to preface this by saying this book was in all likelihood not meant for my demographic. This was written for a very specific audience and that audience was not me.

If you love overly dramatic afterschool specials then this is the book for you. It tells the tale of the angstiest teenage girl in all the Midwest, Amelia Gannon, and some paint huffer she meets in a park and falls in love with. That is exactly how these two love birds meet and kick off this adventure of misery, sexual harassment, drug dealing, and ultimately suicide.

Amelia has a shit home life as evidenced by her three adopted brothers from Guatemala. Guatemala being a code word for hell because that's where these little shits came from. Amelia's parents were evidently told they would never have children but that turned out to be bullshit because they have Amelia. Then twelve years later they decide seemingly without any fore thought "you know what this perfectly fine family needs"? Three little assholes from Guatemala. And boy are these kids assholes I spent the majority of the book hoping they would die or get deported. Sadly no they stay and the book is worse for it. They alone are the source of Amelia's angst as her parents are now too focused on dealing with the three terrorists at home. Amelia's parents also now hate eachother just to add another layer of fuck you to the protagonist.

Now back to the paint huffer she meets in the park who aggressively stalks her for a while until she figures out that she loves him unconditionally. Once that happens they make the big move to some shit hole because everyone where she was living was saying maybe this isn't a good idea. Fuck those guys they don't know a good thing when they see it. How could uprooting your entire life, shitty as it is, for some guy you met in a park at dusk huffing paint go wrong? Extraordinarily wrong. Without any prospects or even a mild education they move to the city and share an apartment with two piles of failure. She works in a pizza shop getting paid under the table and Mr. Paint Huffington did some legitimate work for about 5 minutes then decided dealing drugs is where the money is at. Amelia is now sad at how shit her life turned out and tries reaching out to people. Paint Huffington doesn't like that and goes off a little crazier than usual deciding that Amelia is ungrateful and he should cut himself while holding her down to show how devoted he really is. The obvious happens and Mr. Paint Huffington doesn't see the fruits of his labor.

With her abusive tormentor (read lover) now dead Amelia returns home and wallows in self pity. She turns down a date with a decent guy and praises herself on moving on with her life. The end.

As much as I hated the story it is written extremely well and is engaging. The author does a good job of making you want to finish this collection of horrible life decisions. The characters however are just downright unrelatable. Unless you have a drug addict relative then you may relate to the supporting charcters who try to get her to see reason and not fall madly in love with a deranged paint huffing lunatic.

[Adrienne · Rating 1 out of 5]

When I saw that I'd gotten approved for this on Edelweiss I was like:



Really.

If I had a happy-o-meter with me, I'm sure it would've spontaneously combusted from all the high waves of exuberance I was sending off. It was like a dream come true. I almost peed myself.

Good thing I didn't, though. Not only would it have been extremely embarrassing, but it also wouldn't have been worth it because this book... it didn't exactly turn out to be the all-time shit.

I mean, shit! WHAT the ever-loving crap was this all about? Did the author think she'd deliver some sort of special YA message with that crappy storyline and even crappier ending? Did she think lots of teens could relate to the bull spewed on those pages? Tell me! BECAUSE THIS BOOK FAILED TO MAKE SENSE TO ME AND IT MADE ME SO ANGRY!

Oh-ho. Okay I'm ranting - not good. I started this review trying to be all civil and fuck but I just couldn't... this book was just sooo frustrating. Especially the ending. (I can't explain why without giving any major spoilers. Just trust me - it was bloody awful.) It can't even be called an ending - it gave no justice to any of the characters. I felt so sorry for Gannon and Brooks.



The disappointment is thick. I am so sorry I ever read this.
(ARC given to me for free by Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review.)

[Elle (ellexamines on TT & Substack) · Rating 2 out of 5]

1.5 stars. This book aims to accurately portray the dangers of cutting and abusive relationships, but it fails by not giving the protagonist a chance to escape or develop. And also by just being... badly written and badly developed. There's just nothing good here.

This book suffers mostly from a heroine who rings false at every turn. Amelia seems naive and frankly kind of stupid. When authors write books about teens who get into bad situations, they need in general to focus on making the character feel relatable.

I don't understand why authors are still giving their issue books tragic endings. How does that teach someone going through these terrible things a good lesson? If a person who cut picked this book up, hoping to see someone like them, what message would they get? They would hear that cutting leads to death and there is no escape. That's a fundamentally bad message. I know not every story is a fairy tale, but stories like this that use mental illness to make you sad and then resolve nothing are fundamentally flawed in my view.

[Amy]

It was really, REALLY good...but someone please light a pyre of maxi pads and throw my ass on it the next time I say I am going to read a C. Desir book.

Thanks in advance.

[Stuti Rai · Rating 4 out of 5]

update: song pairing: Tear You Apart by She Wants Revenge The motion, emotion, darkness and everything, if not the story itself

I do think that Christa Desir could actually write an honest love story that people would sing ballads about in centuries to come if she, you know, set out to bring hearts together as opposed to destroying them the world throughout. Her stories, they all start in this slightly skewed, seemingly sunny place, darker things shooed away, only intimated, or well move into such a plight before comes a downward spiral.

Bleed Like Me is the story of a girl, neglected and browbeaten and screwed, who falls for a controlling, manipulative, broken boy and the ruinations that ensue, shattered lives in exhibit. Neither of them is a likable character, depending on whatever your definition is; neither of them is to be hated, not even the guy. Their relationship suffers all the more for the vacuum in which they isolate its development, reaching out only to reinforce their bond by breaking off with all that stands outside. Their story is not a lesson. It’s a view, not one I particularly enjoyed at the end of the day story.

Desir’s outline is written in such a manner that has you scrambling, itching, beating against a wall because although it’s not exactly foreshadowing, it creates a similar impact, with that tantalizing hope the character believe in, of a happily-ever-after in conflict with what you foresee, and the author knows for it comes out in her prose that bleeds for her and him, bleeds like they do.

From the very commencement of their reluctant romance, obsession is insinuated and control observed in his character. But it’s such a tiny thing, in the vast scope and endlessness of who he is, could be. And I, right there along with Gannon, fell for Michael, looking at these signs that certainly didn’t portend a good outcome but paying no heed. I loved him, I was her and loved her, despite how horrible they were as persons. I was right there in the hardware store, hospital, at home as they planned, kissed, consoled and forgot the entire miserable world, and I partook of that as well. That was the magic of Bleed Like Me, of Christa Desir, before everything started to fall apart. Hell, even as it did, I held on for a while.

I keep mentioning that Gannon wasn’t the villain for me. He wasn’t. I didn’t hate him; despite how, as towards the end, I wished for her to run away, escape to a less grim reality that awaited her on the other side, devoid of him. Pity was to be for him, pain and anger and suffocation and grief implausible truths which only came to light when he was not around. He evoked an entire spectrum of emotions, many which didn’t reconcile, not with each other or with me. It still hurts a bit.

There is the nebulous “them” however, whom I hate. In her previous book, as well, there were “they” to be hated; vehemence not to be directed at anyone else the protagonist knew, all of them with their complications and complexities and messes, as is the case here. “They” are never there. In this anonymity, I perhaps also fail to hold accountable those persons I should. But this isn’t about me, nor my failures as a potential judge/jury/legislator (neeeeeeevver mind that I’ve talking about meself the entire review).

Bleed Like Me has some contentious aspects, triggers maybe. Kittens killed, poor dogs and repeated use of the r-word, but I never saw them as anathema, precisely because they didn’t feel like additives. The book and its characters never set out to be delicate, elegant or decent. Shit is shit from the start and that’s what you get on your platter.

As a story about dysfunctional kids and rushed relationships, Bleeds Like Me excels. As a tale in itself, simply about two kids who were let down enough that they didn’t seek out one more time and found each other, roughened puzzle pieces forcing themselves into a wrecked perfection, it breaks my heart. Again and again, whenever I think of it.

In conclusion, I very nearly cried in the shower, which as you should know, is the sole place for shedding emotional tears and C. Desir has established herself, with her second novel, as one of my favorite authors, meaning she’s started to scare me. A whole lot. That’s kinda my criterion for favorite authors.

If I had a structurally integral heart still, as opposed to the detritus left in the wake of Bleed Like Me, I'd send out replicas to Simon and Schuster for providing review copies. Thank you!

[ExLibris_Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

The first thing you should know about Bleed Like Me is that it is a love story. The second thing you should know is that calling it a love story doesn’t mean it won’t also be very disturbing. Gannon’s family situation is consumed by the three boys her parents adopted a few years ago. She is able to hide her unhappiness, her loneliness, and her cutting within the chaos of her home life. The author does an excellent job of letting you see Gannon’s isolation, so when she meets Brooks it makes perfect sense for her start a relationship with someone who seems to care about her. The romance, and Gannon’s character, was written in such a way that while her decisions made me cringe, I understood them. Here was someone who noticed Gannon’s cutting and asked her to stop. Here was someone who seemed to care where she went and what she was doing, and there is a seductive power to caring, even when it starts to morph into being controlling and manipulative. That concern and involvement turned into something deeply destructive. Instead of cutting, the relationship with Brooks became the outlet for her pain and, eventually, the reason for it.

I’ve seen a lot of reviews painting this book as one boy’s destruction of a girl who just needed a little attention, but that really wasn’t how I saw it at all. Bleed Like Me is not about one disturbed teen girl and her “bad” boyfriend who wraps her in a spell, it is about two deeply disturbed teens who cling to each other, consume each other, with disastrous results. There is no savior in this relationship and there is no fixing. The depth of the pain that Brooks has If you are looking for Gannon to learn some big lesson by the last page, this isn’t the book for you. In fact, had it gone that direction, it would have done a great disservice to a story that was one of the most raw that I’ve read in a long, long time. Bleed Like Me is not for the faint of heart, to be sure, but its dark and unflinching story grabbed a hold of me and I found that I could not look away.

[PinkAmy loves books, cats and naps · Rating 1 out of 5]

GRADE: D-

ONE WORD: dreadful

BLACK BOX WARNING: ***gratuitous violence against a kitten***

Amelia "Gannon" should be a sympathetic character. She lives with her overwhelmed parents and three undisciplined, monstrous adopted brothers. I could understand why she cut herself to release tension, and why she was closed off toward others, even why she was vulnerable to the stalkerish Brooks. Her sense of hopelessness and her low self-esteem made sense Gannon lost me with how unkindly she treated everyone who was showed her kindness, her best friend, boss, coworker, teacher who wanted to help.

Gannon's parents were so overwhelmed with her brothers, they looked for her help with the kids and for her to be invisible as not to burden them. In one if the worst examples of poor parental judgment, they are do exhausted from the nonstop chaos of her brothers, they decide leaving the boys with her for a weekend to get away was appropriate. Unfortunately, this can happen in real life.

The worst aspect of Crista Desir's BLEED LIKE ME was the romanticizing of Brooks' stalker-like behavior. When he follows Gannon home and sneaks through her window, this is not courtship. This is creepy and dangerous and should be a harbinger of an unhealthy relationship. Gannon can't see this, she wasn't raised to recognize boundaries, but the way Desir wrote the scenes, without a even Gannon's best friend to provide some moral concept, Desir sends a potentially dangerous message to readers.

Gannon doesn't grow throughout the book, even when she appears to develop some insights, readers don't get to see a payoff. While the ending is open, I found little about which to be optimistic for her. Maybe this is realistic, but Desir could have made a few minor changes to give readers hope of the possibility of overcoming extremely dysfunctional relationships. I like dark books, and I don't need happy endings or resolutions tied in fancy bows. I can't think to whom anyone I'd recommend BLEED LIKE ME, even clients in bad relationships will probably think theirs are healthy in comparison to Brooks and Gannon's.

Desir does have a readable style of writing and I might try another of her novels at some point. I appreciate the story she was trying to tell, but think she could have done so better.

[Debbie · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 Messed Up Clouds

I believe that Desir can write. However, I'm not sure if she can write a young adult novel that's more than 'okay'. The relationships are great, as well as the tension and the ending however, the writing and the middle, it's all bad. And although I had a few problems with this novel, I didn't find it to be horrible, I still liked it for the most part.

The problem with the writing style is it's all telling rather than showing and makes the story dull because of it. The story itself is pretty typical: the bad boy and the broken girl with the characters feeling very off. I couldn't connect with either of them or the way Gannon feels invisible towards almost everyone because it felt false to me instead of a genuine kind of thing.

Yet somehow, it seemed like Gannon actually had a brain and I liked that about her. The tension and build-up between Gannon and Brooks is all right, not the best because it's done in a way that almost like a movie rather than real life. Still, I loved the way Desir builds up Brooks controlling personality. At first using little hints and then letting it all loose once readers got deep into the book. I loved how intense and scary it got at times and how dependant they get on each other. The ending is realistic, and I liked that. I liked how I could see and understand Gannon however, it was too late in the book to care enough.

Bleed Like Me isn't a book that I would recommend to someone looking for a straightforward story because this book has a lot of highs and lows and boring parts. However, it is one that I would recommend for people who don't mind lacking characters and waiting for the good parts because Bleed Like Me does have a few of them.

[Elena · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a tuff one to rate. I wouldn't say that I ''enjoyed" this book, because, well..I didn't. :'D It was painful.
As in ''it was so sad" and not in "this was just bad". But at the same time there is nothing that made me love this book.
I didn't necessarily like the characters. Especially not Brooks. He definitely is not the kind of person one is going to like. He aggravated me to no end. But I still felt myself sympathize with him at some points in the story.
Almost the same goes for our protagonist. I didn't like her in a traditional way but I guess you are not even supposed to like these characters.
It's not about that but about feeling their pain. And I suppose I did. I did feel their pain. Even though I did not agree with how they each dealt with it.

I know, so far I am not making any sense, but thit is exactly how I feel right now. Torn.
I just can not say I enjoyed this book, but it made me feel. So an inbetween rating should be appropriate.

By the way this story reminds me of the song "We found love" by Rihanna. :'D

[Capricious_Reads · Rating 1 out of 5]

It took me a year to read this book. A YEAR. What a major disappointment! After my wife ranted and raved about this book I picked it up and eagerly read about Gannon's tumultuous life. 65 pages in and I was bored. The book takes on a monotone pace and the characters are whiny and dramatic. Brook's could've been such an in depth character and yet he ends up being a drug dealer with a sour relationship with his father. Gannon's family is a nightmare that Desir should have explored in much greater detail, yet she didn't. The "climax" was rushed, dramatic, and completely unsolved at the end. I understand the book was about their respective pasts, however, their history is what caused them to be who they were thus priming them to find each other. Knowing more of Brook's history would have let us see why he was so raw and quick to feel unloved. In the end, this book was nothing like I expected. I'm going to read Fault Lines due to the reviews but I won't hold high hopes.

[Lexi · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was awful & very disturbing. It was worse than an One Direction fanfic. The plot is about a girl who has always felt invisible since her parents adopted 3 boys from Guatemala & then she meet this guy & she feels like he's the only one that notices her (wow shocker). The main characters in this book SUCK, there's no character growth, their lives just get more awful as the story progress. The side characters were way more interesting than the man ones. Then, there's a lot of self harmed involved. & I honestly see NO POINT IN THIS STORY.

[Lyn *GLITTER VIKING*]

Someone mentioned kitten murder.

No. Can't do it.

[Petra · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of those books that is so hard to describe yet alone rate. So many different types of emotions run through you, all of them unwelcome. All in one, you get so wrapped up in the story until the very end.

Seventeen-year-old Amelia Gannon (just "Gannon" to her friends) is invisible to almost everyone in her life. To her parents, to her teachers-even her best friend, who is more interested in bumming cigarettes than bonding. Some days the only way Gannon knows she is real is by carving bloody lines into the flesh of her stomach.Then she meets Michael Brooks, and for the first time, she feels like she is being seen to the core of her being. Obnoxious, controlling, damaged, and addictive, he inserts himself into her life until all her scars are exposed. Each moment together is a passionate, painful relief.But as the relationship deepens, Gannon starts to feel as if she's standing at the foot of a dam about to burst. She's given up everything and everyone in her life for him, but somehow nothing is enough for Brooks-until he poses the ultimate test.

This book first sparked my interest because I knew Amelia Gannon, better known as Gannon, would be one of those superficial idiot girls. In so many books you have to read about some airhead blondie who doesn't know left from right yet alone her own feelings. So you could say Gannon was a breath of fresh air. All in all, Gannon was a likeable character. She was a great combination of anti-social without coming off as a complete bitch. Gannon is very reserved due to her crazy family. Although she is reserved, she finds the fine line between being completely shut off without spilling her secrets to the first person who shows her affection.

The thing I loved more then anything about Gannon is how true she stayed to herself throughout the whole book. Where most authors try to change the character to showcase evolution, many fail for the reason that the character than ends up beyond recognition. Desir stayed to true to who Gannon was from the very beginning, but not to the point where she stayed the same. Through time Gannon changed to adjust the situation that she was in, however remained true to her beliefs. Congratulations Desir, you have impressed me.

Now let's talk boys, or should I say boy. Desir did a number with how Brooks appearance was ported, and I loved it. Finally we weren't given some mysterious dark haired guy with long serious glares that oozed passion and lust. Don't get me wrong I love those guys too but even in appearance Brooks had depth. With the blue hair to the tall lean boy, he was simple yet so complex. I have to admit though I had my doubts about him the first time. He just seemed like an over eager kid who messed up his life and is determined to somehow drag people into his mess. I was proved wrong however. Soon I learned that he has more depth then I knew. Brooks progressed throughout the book into the perfect combination for Gannon. He was a risk taker that made Gannon's life fun and never dull, yet produced a comfort for her even though Gannon barely realized it.

Throughout time though characters changed. While I love them to stay true to themselves I understand when some have to change. In this case Brooks had to change after everything that happened. Do I approve of the new Brooks? Hell to the no. Do I think it was necessary? Very much so. Brooks turning into a over protective and paranoid man was not something I hated or enjoyed. I loved that Brooks changed because in the given circumstance anyone would. However, paranoid and over protective are not good boyfriend qualities, so it's also a slight bummer.

Gannon stayed with Brooks after everything that happened. I loved that she persevered and fought off the temptation that was purely selfish. Had Gannon left she would have only though about Brooks and how much she regretted it and missed him. Had it happened I may have stopped reading. However, Gannon stayed and chose to risk it all for the boy with blue hair. So again, congratulation Desir.

This book was so raw with emotion it was hard not become one with Gannon. Throughout the book the relationship between Gannon and Brooks developed so brilliantly that you felt the NEED she had for him. Both characters were portrayed beautifully, to the point where I felt connected to Gannon and her story.

Many other elements of this story was great too! Gannon's best friend, Ali, was a great support but not to the point where it was over done. Gannon's co-workers were also sympathetic. Dennis was a great "dad" role-filler and Ricardo was a great "brother" role-filler. Both cared about Gannon and tried to help her through everything. All the characters were a great balance in Gannon's life and it was portrayed perfectly.

Gannon's family is crazy, but an over exaggerated version of crazy. It's a situation where It's completely unbelievable and so over done. Desir tries, and fails, to come up with a family drama that would mess up Gannon's life enough. She did that part successfully, however I feel she tried too hard. The brothers were all unbelievably snobby and demanding, to the point past belief. Great idea, bad execution.

Over all I was extremely impressed with this book, close to a perfect rating but not quiet there. As I said that I did not find the family believable or even the slightest bit noticeable. I just didn't care for them or about them. That's the biggest crime an author can do, when the reader doesn't care to love or hate a character.

Another big let down was how predictable the book became. don't get me wrong I loved it, but it was hard not to predict everything that was going to happen. All the suspense and anticipation was ruined by the ability to predict everything that was going to happen.

All in all, if it weren't for that ending the rating would be lower. The end was the one thing I wasn't able to predict. I debated weather it would happen or not but I was doubting the author. Desir proved me doubts wrong and thank god she did. The ending makes sense because this is a raw and possessive story, there cannot be a happy ending. Desir did a beautiful job ending the book as well as the character while staying true to the story and characters. Sheer brilliance, thus earning her many extra points.

It was raw and compelling with a difficult subject mature that many authors don't do well. Desir however made this story come alive to a point where you could feel of of Gannon's pain and suffering, you didn't feel like an outsider while reading it but instead you were Gannon.

[Amelia Gannon · Rating 1 out of 5]

as the only true Amelia Gannon I reject this poser ��✋

[Grace · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars

Full review here =>http://afterdarkbooklovers.com/2014/1...

If you read the synopsis, you saw that this book is compared to the story/movie, Sid & Nancy. If you aren’t familiar with that story, let me warn you . . .

. . .there is no HEA!

What happens when one destructive person gets together with another destructive person? If you expecting that they magically heal each other, think again. And refer to my warning.

The two main characters in this book are not strong. They have been dealt rough lives. Amelia Gannon (she goes by the name Gannon) is growing up in a house where her three adoptive brothers are a complete nightmare. Her Mom, who struggles to keep control, and fails miserably, has no time left for her daughter. And her Dad choose to pretend nothing is wrong. So no one notices that she turns to cutting as a form of relief.

Then there is Michael Brooks. He brings some relief to Gannon’s miserable home life. But is he a good influence? NO! Case in point, the first time they meet, he is huffing.

I couldn’t always figure out Michael’s intentions or motives. Sometimes he used peer pressure to get Gannon to do things, while at other times, he tries to protect her, such as trying to get her to quit smoking menthol’s and addiction in other areas. But while he tries to limit her addictions, he has his own obsessive issues, particularly involving Gannon herself. She seems to be his only calm force in his life, and his actions are a bit impulsive in regards to her.

I won’t give it away, but the book title does come to play in a very sad way. Remember how I mentioned there would be no HEA? Even though I knew that going in, I was still gutted by the ending.

“I’ve come for you. Because no one else could make you bleed like me.”

With that said, while my heart hurt after reading this, my bones didn’t. If you’ve ever read a Jessica Sorensen book, you know what I’m talking about. Everything seems to hurt after I read those books. But this story, while very sad as two characters lives spin into a darker world, didn’t impact me as deeply, maybe because the narrator weaved in mild humor throughout, making fun of the sorry state of her life.

Overall, although the story is well written and, sadly, a realistic account of addictive personalities, I wanted some sort resolution. I understand a HEA would have been out of place with the rest of the story, but as I read about these two sad souls, I would liked if there were some lessons learned. Some sort of epiphany that Amelia had about her life. But I guess that peace doesn’t always come.

*An ARC was received for an honest review.

[Nay Denise · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book from the author in exchange of an honest review.

Bleed Like Me was like no other novel I've read before. It tore my soul to pieces because it was gruesome, heartbreaking, beautiful and disturbing all in one. Christa Desir did a fabulous job writing this beauty.

The story follows two seventeen years old who feel they are both invisible to the world. There's Amelia Gannon -- she lives at home with her mom, father and her three adoptive brothers. At the age of 12 her parents adopted Alex, Luis and Miguel from Guatemala. She became invisible to her parents and started to harm herself in a way that causes pain -- cutting.

Michael Brooks is a young man who was dealt the wrong hand in life and decided to continuously take the wrong path. He was put in different situations in his home and in juvie that turned him into a miserable young man. He went into a life of drugs and running. He never knew love or happiness.

Brooks meets Gannon and instantly gets smitten by her because she pays attention to him and talks to him. From then on he is determined to have her. In the time he "follows" her Gannon begins to grow feelings for him, but knows that he is dangerous for her. But for her Brooks is her substitute to cutting.

Off the back I knew that Brooks was just no good for Gannon. He was stalking her, always pushing her, and just too possessive in his own way. Gannon deserved way better than him, but having issues at home she fell right into his lap. Their relationship was strange as ever and what pissed me off was that Gannon knew she should not have been with him, but losing herself within him made things worse.

All the events that took place towards the end when they ran away should have been signs to Gannon that something was terribly wrong with Brooks. He was off and constantly doing drugs. He became more demanding and his emotions were like a seesaw. Gannon should have gotten him help but she waited too long, too late.

The ending was a true heartbreaking. I did not expect it to happen the way it did. I didn't think Brooks was so far gone. I definitely cried because it was not beautiful to read, but things happen and it taught me to always find happiness and good in everything that occurs.

If you not good with depression, suicide or self infliction -- do not read this.

Overall -- MARVELOUS piece of work!

[Heidi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall, I really enjoyed this read. I had no idea what exactly I was getting into picking this one up, and it definitely surprised me (in a good way).

The most enjoyable aspect of this book for me was the rawness of Gannon and Brooks. This book is without a doubt the edgiest YA I have ever read, and I love that Desir embraced that side of her novel. She definitely didn't shy away from dealing with real issues and difficult emotions, some of which were often as painful to read as they were for Gannon to go through.

That being said, the reason I did not give this one 5 stars is because personally, I couldn't fully connect to Gannon. I completely understand her character type and the justification for her actions; however, in my opinion, as someone who is essentially the polar opposite to Gannon, I often couldn't understand her conflicted emotions. To explain, the narration makes it very apparent that Desir did her homework writing Gannon and creating a well-rounded self-harm individual (kudos to you, Desir, she is very well-written). Because of that, as someone who has never experienced what she is feeling, I found it hard to connect to her on that level at times. Of course, I was still able to empathize, but because Gannon is barely able to describe what she is feeling, I was often unable to sympathize.

Additionally, while I accept the ending (and praise Desir for not turning it into a fairy tale happily-ever-after!), there are a few story elements I'm left with that I wish had been addressed or expounded upon. In an effort to avoid spoilers, there is one character in particular that I am left with more questions than answers for, and a part of me wants to know the rest of their story (as they were totally absent from the last few chapters).

To anyone looking to take a break from stereotypical contemporary YA and instead to jump on an emotional roller coaster, I certainly recommend giving this book a try!

[Dani · Rating 1 out of 5]

what the fuck. what the fuck. I want to DNF this so hard

when you start reading things like " The blade of the utility knife slid out and my heart thumped faster. I reached to touch his nipple ring and he moved his mouth to my stomach. He licked a small circle around my belly button and then replaced his tongue with the blade. The first cut barely grazed me, but I moaned. ", you know it's time to stop.

i never liked the romance anyway. brooks was creepy and possessive af, and the girl was actually really into that? (50 shades of grey much??) talk abt a toxic relationship.

[Mallory · Rating 1 out of 5]

Spoilers*** This book was extremely triggering and almost traumatizing for me. The death at the ending paired with the loose ends and lack of wrap-up in the epilogue made me even more upset. Gave the book 1 star since it made me bawl once I finished. Please, read at your own risk. This isn't a book for the faint of heart.

[Jen Bigheart · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh, goodness! This is seriously what a mother is most afraid of. Whoah.