What do you think?
Rate this book
Daddy
Madison Young has had a lot of daddies in her life. From the fraught relationship with her biological father to "leather daddies" of the adult and BDSM communities, Daddy explores Young's interwoven relationships with each of them and the sex positive values that she teaches and lectures on across the country at Yale University, Berkeley University, Good Vibrations, Smitten Kitten, Tool Shed, Kinky Kollege, and Austin Rope Symposium.
280 pages, Paperback
First published October 8, 2013
19 people are currently reading
284 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 43 reviews
April 10, 2016
Daddy is a memoir about Madison Young, porn-actress&director, sex educator, and art curator. Thematically, the through line this book keeps going back to is Madison's search for her Daddy. However, Madison proves herself to be a very independent person with her own work, passions, and interests that are also explored in the space of this book. She owns her own art-gallery in San Francisco, for example, where she features feminist and queer voices. She finances the gallery through sex work, primarily by modeling and acting in shoots and films. She never is fully-defined by her interest in submission or her relationship with her Daddy. Her interest in kink is a compliment to her complex and compelling life.
I really like Madison Young herself. I really respect that she straight up was like: hey, my birth-Father growing up was not exactly world's best Dad. He cheated on my Mother and was a p/t Dad, not taking responsibility and just enjoying the fun. Yet, I had that fun. I I loved him and felt safe around him anyway.
I like that she blended that narrative with her kink narrative, showing us the reader that Madison is open to the possibility that her interest in D/lg could be from her actual Father, but, at the same time, just because something stems in dysfunction doesn't mean it is that dysfunction.
Also, I'm very excited to read sex-workers, kinksters, and queer feminists write their stories. When I picked this book up (at Bluestockings, NYC), I was mostly motivated at reading a D/lg story, not knowing that what I was getting was a much more textured, much more important perspective.
That all said -- the writing in this story has some issues. Not the prose, which was clean, beautiful at times, and easy to digest. But The Big Ideas in this story, which were primarily skimped around on.
There is a lot of assumption that the reader has the same point of view as Madison, which is frustrating because I much rather read her explore her point of view. For example, she often mentions that her sex work is a feminist move because she has agency. That’s an argument I totally get behind, but I need more than like a literal sentence here or there telling us that she is in control and she is fighting the patriarchy by having control? Like this arguement is a complete book in itself -- there has to be more she could divulge on it. If not on a political level, than at least on an emotional level. She’s a feminist sex worker from a traditional family -- there is a whole emotional arc there and we breeze right past it. And... that’s just one example of many... >>;
Also the Daddy himself? He becomes a douchebag... and his redemption path doesn’t do it for me. But it does for Madison -- so that's an awkward confliction to have. Espec when this is a memoir...
But to end on a positive note -- another big part of this book is San Francisco. The book is an ode to the sex-work, feminist, queer, kink, and art community venn-diagram that used to define San Fran. I use past-tense because ... these communities are dying out. When Madison Young had to close her art gallery -- that was a sign of the times. It’s sad, but it is also really interesting to learn about what San Fran used to be, and really compels me to fly out before everything interesting about San Fran dissolves into dust.
I really like Madison Young herself. I really respect that she straight up was like: hey, my birth-Father growing up was not exactly world's best Dad. He cheated on my Mother and was a p/t Dad, not taking responsibility and just enjoying the fun. Yet, I had that fun. I I loved him and felt safe around him anyway.
I like that she blended that narrative with her kink narrative, showing us the reader that Madison is open to the possibility that her interest in D/lg could be from her actual Father, but, at the same time, just because something stems in dysfunction doesn't mean it is that dysfunction.
Also, I'm very excited to read sex-workers, kinksters, and queer feminists write their stories. When I picked this book up (at Bluestockings, NYC), I was mostly motivated at reading a D/lg story, not knowing that what I was getting was a much more textured, much more important perspective.
That all said -- the writing in this story has some issues. Not the prose, which was clean, beautiful at times, and easy to digest. But The Big Ideas in this story, which were primarily skimped around on.
There is a lot of assumption that the reader has the same point of view as Madison, which is frustrating because I much rather read her explore her point of view. For example, she often mentions that her sex work is a feminist move because she has agency. That’s an argument I totally get behind, but I need more than like a literal sentence here or there telling us that she is in control and she is fighting the patriarchy by having control? Like this arguement is a complete book in itself -- there has to be more she could divulge on it. If not on a political level, than at least on an emotional level. She’s a feminist sex worker from a traditional family -- there is a whole emotional arc there and we breeze right past it. And... that’s just one example of many... >>;
Also the Daddy himself? He becomes a douchebag... and his redemption path doesn’t do it for me. But it does for Madison -- so that's an awkward confliction to have. Espec when this is a memoir...
But to end on a positive note -- another big part of this book is San Francisco. The book is an ode to the sex-work, feminist, queer, kink, and art community venn-diagram that used to define San Fran. I use past-tense because ... these communities are dying out. When Madison Young had to close her art gallery -- that was a sign of the times. It’s sad, but it is also really interesting to learn about what San Fran used to be, and really compels me to fly out before everything interesting about San Fran dissolves into dust.
April 11, 2015
I found the writing and editing ok, but the book left me flat and disinterested and didn't cover what the blurb promises: "Madison Young has had a lot of daddies in her life. From the relationship with her biological father to "leather daddies" of the adult and BDSM communities, Daddy explores Young's interwoven relationships with each of them and the sex positive values that she teaches and lectures on."
The book briefly mentions Young's childhood, mostly her mother and father fighting about his adultery, but little of her relationship with her father except for fairly standard outings/events with him and her brother to skate parks, pizza and a tv at home etc. She doesn't dig into how the relationship may have affected her sexual development and need for a "daddy". She never mentions actual encounters with other daddies and her relationship with her daddy James just covers the surface, again no real details or introspection on the relationship.
For someone who is supposed to be sex educator or a feminist porno director we get none of that from her book. She mentions one class and it's about fellatio and not even the safety aspect is mentioned, just how she gives a blow job in a class setting (using a strap on with an enthusiastic volunteer). Her directing isn't mentioned at all. What should make her a stand out in the sex trade community is left out of the book.
How she gets into the sex trade and her experiences are just too clean and convenient. She just falls into a job at her first interview? No casting couch, no nude pictures or at least seeing her body first? She mentions white powder once, the dead eyes some get after a while and herpes being an industry norm, but doesn't go into it further? Then again, while she doesn't show the negative of the porn industry, she doesn't show any positives either other than the money and enjoying doing what she does outside of work.
Young comes across as a rather vapid character who has no interest in much outside of working and doesn't think or question anything. She's pregnant and the father is out of the picture for most of the first 7 months, she is told he is an alcoholic and addicted to drugs and she doesn't question it, demand answers from him? Maybe it happened in real life, but it's not in the book. He just comes to her one day and says he thinks he'll have to give up his job in porn to be a dad and things are miraculously on track. What?!? She goes to the hospital for a porno related problem and the upshot is that she doesn't appreciate the doctor telling her she should now keep anything out of her anus?!? You're passing a cup of blood at a time and that's it?!? You don't even think about reassessing your lifestyle, you just get mildly perturbed at the doctor?
This book accomplishes nothing. It doesn't educate us, it doesn't show us a real life picture of the porn industry from a feminist POV (or really any view, there's not much there) and it doesn't showcase an interesting person. Maybe the potential really is there, maybe Madison Young is deep, thoughtful and a trailblazer, but it doesn't come though in this book.
I receive a copy of this book from Netgalley in exchange for my honest review.
The book briefly mentions Young's childhood, mostly her mother and father fighting about his adultery, but little of her relationship with her father except for fairly standard outings/events with him and her brother to skate parks, pizza and a tv at home etc. She doesn't dig into how the relationship may have affected her sexual development and need for a "daddy". She never mentions actual encounters with other daddies and her relationship with her daddy James just covers the surface, again no real details or introspection on the relationship.
For someone who is supposed to be sex educator or a feminist porno director we get none of that from her book. She mentions one class and it's about fellatio and not even the safety aspect is mentioned, just how she gives a blow job in a class setting (using a strap on with an enthusiastic volunteer). Her directing isn't mentioned at all. What should make her a stand out in the sex trade community is left out of the book.
How she gets into the sex trade and her experiences are just too clean and convenient. She just falls into a job at her first interview? No casting couch, no nude pictures or at least seeing her body first? She mentions white powder once, the dead eyes some get after a while and herpes being an industry norm, but doesn't go into it further? Then again, while she doesn't show the negative of the porn industry, she doesn't show any positives either other than the money and enjoying doing what she does outside of work.
Young comes across as a rather vapid character who has no interest in much outside of working and doesn't think or question anything. She's pregnant and the father is out of the picture for most of the first 7 months, she is told he is an alcoholic and addicted to drugs and she doesn't question it, demand answers from him? Maybe it happened in real life, but it's not in the book. He just comes to her one day and says he thinks he'll have to give up his job in porn to be a dad and things are miraculously on track. What?!? She goes to the hospital for a porno related problem and the upshot is that she doesn't appreciate the doctor telling her she should now keep anything out of her anus?!? You're passing a cup of blood at a time and that's it?!? You don't even think about reassessing your lifestyle, you just get mildly perturbed at the doctor?
This book accomplishes nothing. It doesn't educate us, it doesn't show us a real life picture of the porn industry from a feminist POV (or really any view, there's not much there) and it doesn't showcase an interesting person. Maybe the potential really is there, maybe Madison Young is deep, thoughtful and a trailblazer, but it doesn't come though in this book.
I receive a copy of this book from Netgalley in exchange for my honest review.
February 18, 2014
It’s 1050pm on February 17th, 2014. I just finished the autobiography of Madison Young. Ms. Young has been an indirect part of almost my entire adult life, for reasons that may make people uncomfortable.
There is an old saying that means we should never get to know our heros, because we will be disappointed by their flaws, autobiographies are windows into meeting those heros. But they will be skewed to their perspectives, to make them shine in in a certain way.
That is not a knock on this book however. This book is a beautifully written memoir about love;dedicated at least in spirit to the two main men of her life., her father and her “Daddy”. Similar to how Howard Stern’s private parts was really about Robin and his then Wife, the book focuses on her relationships with not only these two men, but her own. It is also the love for finding one’s own self identity, the love of one’s offspring and most importantly the love for oneself.
The pages flow like rivers making the book hard to put down. I found myself eagerly going from chapter to chapter, perhaps a little too greedily as this book was supposed to last me a while (stupid unemployment cutting into my book fund). For those who are sexually squeamish, you may want to avoid parts of this book.
For trained counselors, part of this cause the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up.
You want to judge her for putting up with abuses; but I found that I cannot. Instead I turned pages faster and faster giddily laughing at some points (Wednesday nights with her Daddy’s); to feeling my heart break when she was at her lowest.
This book allows the reader to vicariously live through her, and cheer for her.
A definite recommendation if you want to read an autobiography about someone who is sex positive and with a unique view of sexuality.
Beautifully written, I hope that years from now there is a sequel.
There is an old saying that means we should never get to know our heros, because we will be disappointed by their flaws, autobiographies are windows into meeting those heros. But they will be skewed to their perspectives, to make them shine in in a certain way.
That is not a knock on this book however. This book is a beautifully written memoir about love;dedicated at least in spirit to the two main men of her life., her father and her “Daddy”. Similar to how Howard Stern’s private parts was really about Robin and his then Wife, the book focuses on her relationships with not only these two men, but her own. It is also the love for finding one’s own self identity, the love of one’s offspring and most importantly the love for oneself.
The pages flow like rivers making the book hard to put down. I found myself eagerly going from chapter to chapter, perhaps a little too greedily as this book was supposed to last me a while (stupid unemployment cutting into my book fund). For those who are sexually squeamish, you may want to avoid parts of this book.
For trained counselors, part of this cause the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up.
You want to judge her for putting up with abuses; but I found that I cannot. Instead I turned pages faster and faster giddily laughing at some points (Wednesday nights with her Daddy’s); to feeling my heart break when she was at her lowest.
This book allows the reader to vicariously live through her, and cheer for her.
A definite recommendation if you want to read an autobiography about someone who is sex positive and with a unique view of sexuality.
Beautifully written, I hope that years from now there is a sequel.
March 30, 2018
In the last chapter of the book, Madison Young, speaking to her therapist, asks "what if people hate it? People are going to hate me. Feminists won't understand why I stayed. Why I believe in Daddy." Her therapist replies, "people are flawed... I think people will find it honest and brave and relatable"
I definitely didn't hate it. It brought a range of emotions, that's for sure. As Young warns in her epilogue, the book was, a times, pretty triggering for me. There were parts I found relatable, and I definitely found it honest and brave - and interesting! - but Young's anxious statement is correct for this reader in that I don't understand why she stayed. And even after reading her memoir, I don't truly understand her choice of the Daddy/little girl dynamic. I thought Young's book would give me a greater understanding, but it actually reinforced my skepticism. There were points in Young's relationship with Mr. Mogul where I felt the line between D/s roles and abuse was blurry. Perhaps part of my skepticism comes from the fact that she really glosses over how exactly the reparative work happened both in Mr. Mogul's own wrecked life and in their relationship. It's the author's prerogative to keep some of her life personal and not include it in a memoir, and with that reparative work ongoing at the time of writing, perhaps this was something she purposefully chose not to share with her readers. But this gap did leave me wondering how exactly "Daddy" found himself back in her good books so quickly, and made Young come across as a bit of a doormat, forgiving him when there never really seemed to be an apology or change that occurred. The 'jump' from her rift with Mr. Mogul to them being together again was not the only abrupt 'jump' in the book from one part of her life to the next and while the writing was okay overall this lack of signposting/transition work was for me its biggest weakness.
Despite the fact that I still don't 'get' Young's relationship, I acknowledge that not everyone would get my relationship or sexual choices either, and I would defend passionately Young and anyone else's choice to have whatever kind of relationship they want to have. And clearly, for Young, this is a relationship style she has consciously and deliberately chosen.
All that said, this was a fascinating window into the porn industry (including and in particular the BDSM porn industry) and the San Francisco queer art scene. It was quite a journey to live in those spaces vicariously through this memoir, unique in its subject matter and rawness.
I definitely didn't hate it. It brought a range of emotions, that's for sure. As Young warns in her epilogue, the book was, a times, pretty triggering for me. There were parts I found relatable, and I definitely found it honest and brave - and interesting! - but Young's anxious statement is correct for this reader in that I don't understand why she stayed. And even after reading her memoir, I don't truly understand her choice of the Daddy/little girl dynamic. I thought Young's book would give me a greater understanding, but it actually reinforced my skepticism. There were points in Young's relationship with Mr. Mogul where I felt the line between D/s roles and abuse was blurry. Perhaps part of my skepticism comes from the fact that she really glosses over how exactly the reparative work happened both in Mr. Mogul's own wrecked life and in their relationship. It's the author's prerogative to keep some of her life personal and not include it in a memoir, and with that reparative work ongoing at the time of writing, perhaps this was something she purposefully chose not to share with her readers. But this gap did leave me wondering how exactly "Daddy" found himself back in her good books so quickly, and made Young come across as a bit of a doormat, forgiving him when there never really seemed to be an apology or change that occurred. The 'jump' from her rift with Mr. Mogul to them being together again was not the only abrupt 'jump' in the book from one part of her life to the next and while the writing was okay overall this lack of signposting/transition work was for me its biggest weakness.
Despite the fact that I still don't 'get' Young's relationship, I acknowledge that not everyone would get my relationship or sexual choices either, and I would defend passionately Young and anyone else's choice to have whatever kind of relationship they want to have. And clearly, for Young, this is a relationship style she has consciously and deliberately chosen.
All that said, this was a fascinating window into the porn industry (including and in particular the BDSM porn industry) and the San Francisco queer art scene. It was quite a journey to live in those spaces vicariously through this memoir, unique in its subject matter and rawness.
February 24, 2014
I received a copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for a review.
(2.5 stars)
In her memoir Daddy, Madison Young explores the path she has taken as a feminist conceptual artist and adult entertainer and the role that her sexual politics has played in informing her career and personal choices. Young began her career as a sex worker as a means of subsidizing the costs of running her now defunct art gallery and performance space, Femina Potens, but quickly found a home in San Francisco's kink/BDSM community through her work in the adult entertainment industry.
Young writes unflinchingly about her work as an adult entertainer, exploring both the practical elements of the adult entertainment industry and the tensions she has experienced in her attempt to balance her feminist politics with her desire to be submissive in her sexual relationships. Young is not shy when it comes to discussing the intimate details of her sex life and the intersections between her work life and her private life. The bulk of Daddy revolves around Young's relationship with James Mogul, a well-known bondage artist and adult entertainer, and the challenges they experience in negotiating open relationships, separating work sex from personal sex, and parenting their daughter, Emma.
Though Daddy contains numerous sexually graphic passages, Young is very deliberate when it comes to providing context for the sexual acts described in the book. Young's work as a sex educator leaves her well equipped to explore the social, emotional, and physical complexities of sex within the context of the BDSM community. While I found portions of Young's narrative captivating and can appreciate the work she does to bring a feminist perspective to an industry often dominated by the male gaze, the book left me cold in terms of style/execution.
(2.5 stars)
In her memoir Daddy, Madison Young explores the path she has taken as a feminist conceptual artist and adult entertainer and the role that her sexual politics has played in informing her career and personal choices. Young began her career as a sex worker as a means of subsidizing the costs of running her now defunct art gallery and performance space, Femina Potens, but quickly found a home in San Francisco's kink/BDSM community through her work in the adult entertainment industry.
Young writes unflinchingly about her work as an adult entertainer, exploring both the practical elements of the adult entertainment industry and the tensions she has experienced in her attempt to balance her feminist politics with her desire to be submissive in her sexual relationships. Young is not shy when it comes to discussing the intimate details of her sex life and the intersections between her work life and her private life. The bulk of Daddy revolves around Young's relationship with James Mogul, a well-known bondage artist and adult entertainer, and the challenges they experience in negotiating open relationships, separating work sex from personal sex, and parenting their daughter, Emma.
Though Daddy contains numerous sexually graphic passages, Young is very deliberate when it comes to providing context for the sexual acts described in the book. Young's work as a sex educator leaves her well equipped to explore the social, emotional, and physical complexities of sex within the context of the BDSM community. While I found portions of Young's narrative captivating and can appreciate the work she does to bring a feminist perspective to an industry often dominated by the male gaze, the book left me cold in terms of style/execution.
September 24, 2021
This book is very beautifully written and amazingly frank and honest. Madison Young as an artist and educator and performer has always been willing to put her whole truth out there for the world to see, and in this memoir she takes that honesty even deeper, exploring her relationships to her family, her work and art, and most importantly, her Daddy, with an open heart. It's in turn incredibly joyous, sexy, painful and heartbreaking. I didn't really identify with most of it, as her life and experiences are very different from my own, but there are passages that resonated so completely with me as I navigate my own sexual identity that I was reading through tears of recognition.
Not a book that I would necessarily recommend to most people, but one that I will hold close and probably read again.
Not a book that I would necessarily recommend to most people, but one that I will hold close and probably read again.
March 11, 2014
Madison Young’s Daddy, a memoir, is an irresistible invitation to engage in the beautiful complexities of her personal unearthing of and journey through identity versus persona; drive and motivation; fantasy and forgiveness; and heroism of every dimension. Beauty runs through every vein in this book, cover to cover, word by word.
I initially found myself magnetically intrigued by the strangeness and distance of her world, a voyeur into a mysterious land of fetish scenes, sexual slave training and polyamorous bi-sexuality. Her casual yet eloquent writing style brings a comfort level to the reader through even the most raw and distancing of scenes. By the middle of the third chapter, Madison was no longer a stranger; she slowly became my friend. Page after page, as I learned more about the depth of Madison’s character development, I slowly unearthed glimmers of my own journey. I began to realize the parallels between her life, that was once so distant, and my very own life. Her memoir transitioned from a story about Madison Young, to an intimate realization of how we are all connected.
Thank you, Madison, for trusting your readers enough to share some of the intimacies that make up part of who you are.
Looking beyond the dividing lines of occupation and sexual identification - Madison’s story is everyone’s story.
It’s just hotter, and a whole lot more interesting. ;)
I initially found myself magnetically intrigued by the strangeness and distance of her world, a voyeur into a mysterious land of fetish scenes, sexual slave training and polyamorous bi-sexuality. Her casual yet eloquent writing style brings a comfort level to the reader through even the most raw and distancing of scenes. By the middle of the third chapter, Madison was no longer a stranger; she slowly became my friend. Page after page, as I learned more about the depth of Madison’s character development, I slowly unearthed glimmers of my own journey. I began to realize the parallels between her life, that was once so distant, and my very own life. Her memoir transitioned from a story about Madison Young, to an intimate realization of how we are all connected.
Thank you, Madison, for trusting your readers enough to share some of the intimacies that make up part of who you are.
Looking beyond the dividing lines of occupation and sexual identification - Madison’s story is everyone’s story.
It’s just hotter, and a whole lot more interesting. ;)
November 4, 2016
Madison Yong’s Memoir offers a truly rare account of a rich, complex life, of art, sex, porn, kink, and family. This will surely be a book for those looking for an insider’s account of working in porn and kink. Madison Young is an icon of feminist pornography, radical queer arts activism, sex education, bondage, and kink. No doubt this memoir will find an audience of fans and devotees already smitten with her work and public persona, hungry for a more intimate view into her life. Young—originally Tina Butcher—narrates the evolution of her porn persona, guides readers through the halls and chambers of the legendary KINK Armory, walks us through the throngs of people at the Folsom Street Fair, and goes into vivid, erotic detail describing sex both on and off camera. The writing is hot and will certainly arouse and delight. Her story will give feminists and activists much to celebrate and some places with which to struggle, where one woman wrestles to actualize her passions and ideals of her work, her relationships, and herself. Those looking for something of a guidebook into sex and kink will no doubt find Young’s journey educational and inspiring.
However, the significance of Young’s memoir exceeds anything like a “celebrity tell-all” or a behind-the-scenes look at one of the most important feminist pornographers of our time. Throughout the details of art and porn and kink are stories for any person trying to forge their own paths, to discover who they might become, to love and foster lasting relationships, and to find others with whom life is worth living. Daddy tells a story of one person’s journey that bleeds back and forth across decades, where the present turns again and again back towards a past from which it emerges, where the presence of the past sets the stage for how the present unfolds. It is a story of finding heroes and home, with its roots in a Midwestern childhood colored with loss, otherness, and shame, a journey of discovering empowerment and self-actualization in San Francisco and beyond. It is a journey there never fully finds completion; it turns out—for Young, perhaps for all of us—that what it takes to be empowered changes over time, that anxieties come and go, that shame and old wounds take time to heal, and that self-actualization takes place in all kinds of partnerships in all kinds of settings—having sex on a dirty bathroom floor of a bar, bound and suspended by rope, being fucked on camera, during performance art, covered in soil on stage surrounded by California red woods, holding a mother’s hand, planting basil on a patio, during a video conference call with a therapist, holding a child in your arms, and being held in the arms of our lovers. That the journey is never complete and that each step cannot be certain does not make the journey a failure; it is a journey that must remain ongoing, and each step is an act of bravery: that is what makes it a success.
Throughout her Memoir, Young navigates the shifting dimensions of relationships, negotiating monogamy, polyamory, open and dominant/submissive relationships, contending with the flourishing of love, stability, and security as well as the sometimes sudden and sometimes gradual pain of jealousy, anxiety, depression, and abandonment. In these navigations and negotiations, she works to find livability between the dynamic evolution of what becomes public and what remains private, what can be open and what needs to remain closed, what is part of love and what is part of work. She gives us an honest view of one person’s victories and challenges maintaining multiple identities, balancing who she is and who she wants to be. These are themes with which many of us are familiar: how do you make relationships work? How do we celebrate stability and security without ignoring or avoiding inevitable jealousies, insecurities, anxieties, and hurt? How can we recognize that one solution or version will not necessarily work for ever and always, for the relationships we cultivate, nor for who it is that we might be? What does it take to stay connected—to others and ourselves—and move forward?
For me, Daddy is a story of families—of origin, of those we choose, and those we make—and the courage and creativity needed to find a way to love and live with others. Young does not move through this journey alone: her tale is populated with mothers and fathers, fairy godmothers, lovers, collaborators, respected colleagues, therapists, and trusted friends. One of the many lessons that I have taken from Young’s memoir is that none of us face this world alone, and we become more of ourselves as we discover ourselves with others.
There are parts of Young’s tale to which we might all relate, portions with which we might identify; there are other parts that recount experiences that probably few have lived. Young narrates us through the unfamiliar even as she herself comes again and again to the edges of what she has known, who she has been, and who she might become. She details her life—a life that is very different from mine, probably very different from yours—and in doing so, helps open up possibilities for what a life might be—from little girl to slut to hero, queer, lesbian, artist, activist, pornographer, submissive, feminist, bisexual, ecosexual, mother, and so on. In telling her own tale, Young expands an archive of lives lived, and in doing so, affirms and enables other ways of living and lives that might yet be.
I consider Madison Young to be a superhero—a sexual superhero, and so much more. Her book reminds us that even our superheroes suffer wounds—both physical and emotional. No great work is without cost and no great life is without suffering. Young reminds us that, “The reality is that we all have heroic moments. Sometimes, we have to be our own heroes and sometimes our heroes need our help. They are, after all, human too.” She boldly faces her own wounds and lives out something of her own healing in the pages that she’s written; she courageously comes to the aid of her own heroes, and we’re allowed to witness this as well. Some of it can be traumatic to read, some of it can be deeply triggering, but even at its most intense, Young remains a trustworthy caretaker of her reader throughout, all the way up to her words to her own child, “Be gentle with yourself. Be gentle with yourself and with those around you,” to a final deep breath and “Instructions for Aftercare” in the “Afterword.”
Near the end of the book, in relation to her own therapy, Young writes, “It was hard work, delving through the past, understanding our emotions, our actions, and creating new pathways. Sometimes it felt like more than I could bear, but that was why I had support.” This summarizes for me the important insights of this Memoir: it is, itself, a difficult delving through her own life, back to families of origin, through painful and joyful moments throughout her career and adult life, making connections strand by stand, reflecting on herself, coming to recognize herself, coming to recognize those from whom she draws support, and finally giving an account of that life. I would not say that it is a Memoir intended to offer a model for living, a path for anyone else to follow; I don’t believe that’s Young’s intention. Rather, it boldly and courageously models something of how we might each approach our own lives, our own loves, our own desires, our own wounds, how we might forge our own paths, do the hard work of coming to know ourselves, and share who we come to know with others.
However, the significance of Young’s memoir exceeds anything like a “celebrity tell-all” or a behind-the-scenes look at one of the most important feminist pornographers of our time. Throughout the details of art and porn and kink are stories for any person trying to forge their own paths, to discover who they might become, to love and foster lasting relationships, and to find others with whom life is worth living. Daddy tells a story of one person’s journey that bleeds back and forth across decades, where the present turns again and again back towards a past from which it emerges, where the presence of the past sets the stage for how the present unfolds. It is a story of finding heroes and home, with its roots in a Midwestern childhood colored with loss, otherness, and shame, a journey of discovering empowerment and self-actualization in San Francisco and beyond. It is a journey there never fully finds completion; it turns out—for Young, perhaps for all of us—that what it takes to be empowered changes over time, that anxieties come and go, that shame and old wounds take time to heal, and that self-actualization takes place in all kinds of partnerships in all kinds of settings—having sex on a dirty bathroom floor of a bar, bound and suspended by rope, being fucked on camera, during performance art, covered in soil on stage surrounded by California red woods, holding a mother’s hand, planting basil on a patio, during a video conference call with a therapist, holding a child in your arms, and being held in the arms of our lovers. That the journey is never complete and that each step cannot be certain does not make the journey a failure; it is a journey that must remain ongoing, and each step is an act of bravery: that is what makes it a success.
Throughout her Memoir, Young navigates the shifting dimensions of relationships, negotiating monogamy, polyamory, open and dominant/submissive relationships, contending with the flourishing of love, stability, and security as well as the sometimes sudden and sometimes gradual pain of jealousy, anxiety, depression, and abandonment. In these navigations and negotiations, she works to find livability between the dynamic evolution of what becomes public and what remains private, what can be open and what needs to remain closed, what is part of love and what is part of work. She gives us an honest view of one person’s victories and challenges maintaining multiple identities, balancing who she is and who she wants to be. These are themes with which many of us are familiar: how do you make relationships work? How do we celebrate stability and security without ignoring or avoiding inevitable jealousies, insecurities, anxieties, and hurt? How can we recognize that one solution or version will not necessarily work for ever and always, for the relationships we cultivate, nor for who it is that we might be? What does it take to stay connected—to others and ourselves—and move forward?
For me, Daddy is a story of families—of origin, of those we choose, and those we make—and the courage and creativity needed to find a way to love and live with others. Young does not move through this journey alone: her tale is populated with mothers and fathers, fairy godmothers, lovers, collaborators, respected colleagues, therapists, and trusted friends. One of the many lessons that I have taken from Young’s memoir is that none of us face this world alone, and we become more of ourselves as we discover ourselves with others.
There are parts of Young’s tale to which we might all relate, portions with which we might identify; there are other parts that recount experiences that probably few have lived. Young narrates us through the unfamiliar even as she herself comes again and again to the edges of what she has known, who she has been, and who she might become. She details her life—a life that is very different from mine, probably very different from yours—and in doing so, helps open up possibilities for what a life might be—from little girl to slut to hero, queer, lesbian, artist, activist, pornographer, submissive, feminist, bisexual, ecosexual, mother, and so on. In telling her own tale, Young expands an archive of lives lived, and in doing so, affirms and enables other ways of living and lives that might yet be.
I consider Madison Young to be a superhero—a sexual superhero, and so much more. Her book reminds us that even our superheroes suffer wounds—both physical and emotional. No great work is without cost and no great life is without suffering. Young reminds us that, “The reality is that we all have heroic moments. Sometimes, we have to be our own heroes and sometimes our heroes need our help. They are, after all, human too.” She boldly faces her own wounds and lives out something of her own healing in the pages that she’s written; she courageously comes to the aid of her own heroes, and we’re allowed to witness this as well. Some of it can be traumatic to read, some of it can be deeply triggering, but even at its most intense, Young remains a trustworthy caretaker of her reader throughout, all the way up to her words to her own child, “Be gentle with yourself. Be gentle with yourself and with those around you,” to a final deep breath and “Instructions for Aftercare” in the “Afterword.”
Near the end of the book, in relation to her own therapy, Young writes, “It was hard work, delving through the past, understanding our emotions, our actions, and creating new pathways. Sometimes it felt like more than I could bear, but that was why I had support.” This summarizes for me the important insights of this Memoir: it is, itself, a difficult delving through her own life, back to families of origin, through painful and joyful moments throughout her career and adult life, making connections strand by stand, reflecting on herself, coming to recognize herself, coming to recognize those from whom she draws support, and finally giving an account of that life. I would not say that it is a Memoir intended to offer a model for living, a path for anyone else to follow; I don’t believe that’s Young’s intention. Rather, it boldly and courageously models something of how we might each approach our own lives, our own loves, our own desires, our own wounds, how we might forge our own paths, do the hard work of coming to know ourselves, and share who we come to know with others.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 22, 2023
The book started out fabulously. There was passion in her words and it was written so well, I couldn't help but sink into it.
That being said, as the story progressed, I enjoyed it less and less. She is a self proclaimed sex expert, but repeatedly in this book boundaries were not respected, consent was not received, and many other red flags popped up.
For instance, the bar pee scene. There was no previous conversation about water sports. Limits. Anything. Her date literally hands her a drink with urine in it and tells her to drink it. She reacts with disgust but then sees her 'dom' waiting for her to drink it. She does, because she wants to make her 'dom' happy. She's so afraid of being left she will do ANYTHING to appease them.
No consent, conversation about limits, or anything else happened to make this scene ok. No aftercare (just a fuck as the 'dom' got off on this).
She meets a male 'dom' that runs a company she's working for and 'immedialty falls in love' after modeling once with him... that ends in her being fingerbanged. This infatuation and his shitty behavior leads to the males wife leaving him. It's suuuuch a shock when he eventually cheats
on her too, disrespects her, lies, all this bad shit. Even has his company lie about his sexual scenes he's recording on his behalf. She stays and keeps letting him do whatever he wants to do with her. Just as long as she doesn't 'lose him'. She's just so damn grateful he hasn't left her yet.
I would not be shocked if the author has bpd. She seems unhealthily eager to make her partner happy at ANY cost.
This even includes her trying to keep going even after she had a rectal prolapse during filming. Have to make him happy right? Can't disappoint daddy. Doesn't matter that my ass is literally hanging out.
This is not bdsm. She needs a therapist.
Even the whole writing style changes through the book. This points towards a cluster b disorder as well.
Whats really alarming is her predatory partner taking in all these 'submissive to train' in a week-long program.....which includes tying them up and fucking them in front of everyone. That.....that's not how any of that works. Thats a predator preying on naive youth to get his fill of weak man's power.
Did not enjoy this read after a couple chapters.
That being said, as the story progressed, I enjoyed it less and less. She is a self proclaimed sex expert, but repeatedly in this book boundaries were not respected, consent was not received, and many other red flags popped up.
For instance, the bar pee scene. There was no previous conversation about water sports. Limits. Anything. Her date literally hands her a drink with urine in it and tells her to drink it. She reacts with disgust but then sees her 'dom' waiting for her to drink it. She does, because she wants to make her 'dom' happy. She's so afraid of being left she will do ANYTHING to appease them.
No consent, conversation about limits, or anything else happened to make this scene ok. No aftercare (just a fuck as the 'dom' got off on this).
She meets a male 'dom' that runs a company she's working for and 'immedialty falls in love' after modeling once with him... that ends in her being fingerbanged. This infatuation and his shitty behavior leads to the males wife leaving him. It's suuuuch a shock when he eventually cheats
on her too, disrespects her, lies, all this bad shit. Even has his company lie about his sexual scenes he's recording on his behalf. She stays and keeps letting him do whatever he wants to do with her. Just as long as she doesn't 'lose him'. She's just so damn grateful he hasn't left her yet.
I would not be shocked if the author has bpd. She seems unhealthily eager to make her partner happy at ANY cost.
This even includes her trying to keep going even after she had a rectal prolapse during filming. Have to make him happy right? Can't disappoint daddy. Doesn't matter that my ass is literally hanging out.
This is not bdsm. She needs a therapist.
Even the whole writing style changes through the book. This points towards a cluster b disorder as well.
Whats really alarming is her predatory partner taking in all these 'submissive to train' in a week-long program.....which includes tying them up and fucking them in front of everyone. That.....that's not how any of that works. Thats a predator preying on naive youth to get his fill of weak man's power.
Did not enjoy this read after a couple chapters.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Read
November 10, 2022I agree with the 3.6 rating. It was interesting, it was engaging. It wasn't *as* psychological as I would have liked but it had enough psychologically intriguing elements that it kept me interested. The arc was interesting, the choice she mad was an interesting choice. I'm always skeptical when a couple makes it through that kind of thing but I hope they continue to stay strong. Her journey was definitely interesting. I like that her relationship with her father was definitely not that fraught so you can't "blame" her kink on it. Her childhood of course has elements which make it understandable why that kink is satisfying but more strongly she portrays a different classic dynamic where the mother is bitter and stressed from all the responsibility and the father gets to be the fun one. She has a functional enough relationship with both her parents.
Another thing I thought about was when she describes her jealous rages and tantrums towards her husband. It reminded me of Esther Perel's book on infidelity where she makes the point that even in open relationships, people find the area where they agreed "not THAT person" and that's where they are unfaithful.
I was reminded a bit also of Agassi's memoir, which I read last week. When they say "I had a tantrum" you don't *really* get the picture of how dysfunctional or intense or awful the rage truly is and how it effects the others. Because the person tells us about it from their perspective, and they aren't really feeling the effects. And to some degree they usually (unintentionally) minimize how challenging their tantrums are for their loved ones.
Another thing I thought about was when she describes her jealous rages and tantrums towards her husband. It reminded me of Esther Perel's book on infidelity where she makes the point that even in open relationships, people find the area where they agreed "not THAT person" and that's where they are unfaithful.
I was reminded a bit also of Agassi's memoir, which I read last week. When they say "I had a tantrum" you don't *really* get the picture of how dysfunctional or intense or awful the rage truly is and how it effects the others. Because the person tells us about it from their perspective, and they aren't really feeling the effects. And to some degree they usually (unintentionally) minimize how challenging their tantrums are for their loved ones.
November 6, 2020
For all of it's powerful impact on our culture, the world of porn is sort of a black box. Curious about how things work in the biz, occasionally I check out a book from some folks that work in the field, whose work I have seen. I've been familiar with Madison Young for a long time, an she is quite striking. An ugly surprise awaited me as I perused it's pages though, it turns out her boyfriend is James Mogul, who in my opinion, is the biggest mope I've ever seen, in porn or anywhere else. Why anyone would consent to even shake this guys hand is a complete mystery to me. Yeeeeesh! And I'm sorry, but I don't get how a person can be a feminist and a porn star at the same time. Although the rapturous blurbs from many different sources led me to believe that Maddy will be elected supreme leader of the free world any moment. That may be so, but her writing style remined me of the Nancy Drew books I used to read, which would have been hilarious were it not so tragically bad. Can't recommend. If yer interested in this kind of thing, try Ashley Blue's book 'Girlvert'
December 28, 2020
Madison Young has been many things in her life: the founder of an art gallery, a fetish model, a pornographic actress, a director, a sex educator, a mother and partner. This biography skates across all of these careers to some extent, though it feels mostly at a surface level. While Young is quick to share explicit details of her sexual life both off and on camera, and she does talk at length about her emotional difficulties in her sometimes tumultuous relationship, we don't learn all that much about her motivations, beyond her affinity for BDSM in general and daddy/little girl play in particular.
Readable, but I would have liked a bit less shock factor and more details of her education work and the motivations and purpose of those (beyond "helping to pay the bills on the gallery").
Readable, but I would have liked a bit less shock factor and more details of her education work and the motivations and purpose of those (beyond "helping to pay the bills on the gallery").
June 26, 2020
This book needed a different editor. The writing is good and even very good in places, but too many important things are glossed over. In fact all the major tension like serious relationship problems and issues with production companies are just mentioned, then discarded, and then pages later you find somehow everything resolved itself. In the end you're left going, "the last we heard he had a drug problem and abandoned her, and now they're just FINE?!"
So that part of it is not great. But there is some good writing, and if you've ever been abused by a narcissist you'll find the story familiar & possibly comforting.
So that part of it is not great. But there is some good writing, and if you've ever been abused by a narcissist you'll find the story familiar & possibly comforting.
August 10, 2019
This book really bummed me out. The author is an artist/sex worker/pornographer but much of this book was about what seems to be a codependent relationship with her husband. Throughout the book she's upset with him and yet never seems to examine their relationship or her decisions with significant depth. The book is also over-written. Maybe my expectations of a woman who has been called a "feminist porn icon" were too high, but I was disappointed.
December 4, 2025
UF. Poder tener entre las manos la vida más allá de la superficialidad con la que se advierte algo tan perverso como el título de ser reducida a "actriz porno" ha sido un viaje increíble, y agradezco darme la oportunidad de ir más allá de los prejuicios ideológicos ante el claro liberalismo que rodea la defensa del "trabajo sexual", glamourificada y no reconocida como prostitución, para adentrarme ante las reflexiones sobre la pareja, la infancia, la familia, la maternidad.
January 24, 2023
I loved this book and practically devoured it. It’s kinky and sexy in a lot of ways, and since Madison is telling her true story, I think she could have include more emotion in how vulnerable she was towards the end. Still very enjoyable, in my opinion.
December 16, 2021
Yes, it says it's a memoir, but it's... more of a memoir than I thought. Really interesting insights into the adult entertainment industry, loads of vulnerable honesty about her own experiences.
May 7, 2022
Enjoyable and informative slice of feminist and kink history
August 11, 2016
When we read what we read here at Nom de Plume, we come across some pretty crazy stuff. Some of it is way outside our wheelhouse, and that's where it's going to stay, in all probability, and that's just fine, either way. Whatever. But with that stuff, because we don't have any practical experience with it, we tend to be a bit sceptical. Does the author have any experience with it either? Can we trust her or him to give us an accurate depiction of that type of kink or relationship or -- oh gawd, don't make me picture it -- position?
Yes, well, obviously I'm talking about sex, and vibrantly flavoured sex at that. I may enjoy reading about BDSM now and then, but I'm going to assume that it's not entirely realistic unless I know for a fact the author has put some practical research into the matter. And by the way, I'm not sure I want to know. I think I'd rather stick with healthy scepticism. All you authors are gorgeous, but I really don't want to picture you researching shibari with your hubbies. So let's just keep this relationship the way it is, m'kay?
But I do want to know the real story, too. I'm dying of curiosity. Are there really contracts? What is it about ropes and tediousness that gets people going? How much anal sex is too much?
All those answers (including the last one, by the by) can be found in Daddy, a memoir written by porn performer, sex educator, community activist -- and submissive -- Madison Young.
Where to begin...there's so much to this story. It's Madison's (formerly Tina's) life story, giving some hint into why she kind of has daddy issues and was looking for a strong, dominant partner to call Daddy. She comes of age as a queer woman in San Francisco, then, while working as a rope bondage model, she meets rope bondage practitioner James Mogul and falls in love. Their relationship goes through a lot of craziness before she gets pregnant and they settle down, more or less. Much of said craziness has to do with their careers.
Madison has many titles, all repeated often and varyingly throughout the book, but her career started with the feminist art gallery she founded, Femina Potens, a space for avant garde art and performance. She's been a porn star and producer, she holds sex education workshops, and she works tirelessly in the queer and feminist communities. There may be some things about her that don't impress you much, depending on who you are, but there is no denying she's an impressive person.
But, of course, that's not why I was reading this book. I was reading it for the nitty-gritty details, the whys and hows of her professional and personal activities. Yes, she has a contract with her daddy. Yes, she's done some pretty humiliating things as a submissive. No, she hasn't done it 24/7. Yes, something really horrifying does happen when you have too much anal sex. That scene almost made me lose my lunch. I'm clenching now just thinking about it. And I think that if you read this book carefully, you can do the math and determine almost exactly how much is too much.
Oh gawd, can we move on now? Yeah, thanks. This book is not only the memoir of someone who's really into kink, but it's meant to shed light on what some people get up to in order to get off. For those of us who are sheltered, as it were, to learn about what others consider normal and to accept it because it solves a lot of problems and answers a lot of questions and creates their happy place where they can be themselves. I love the idea of people with bondage fetishes meeting in church halls in suburban British Columbia and holding weekend workshops on knot techniques. In that respect, I learned a lot from this book that made me feel warm and fuzzy. I found it very educational.
But it's not a straightforward tale of how someone becomes a submissive. It meanders and uses excessive adjectives and includes scenes that seem to add little context and is rather over-written. I don't need it to have a conventional timeline by any means, but do not consider this a how-to guide. It's not meant to be; it just offers insight into one particular BDSM relationship. It's definitely a fascinating book, though to be honest I skimmed a lot of the personal stuff. Silly me, I just wanted to get to the dirty bits.
Neva
Reviewed from ARC. Published by Rare Bird Books January 6, 2014.
Full review at nomdeplumepress.wordpress.com.
Yes, well, obviously I'm talking about sex, and vibrantly flavoured sex at that. I may enjoy reading about BDSM now and then, but I'm going to assume that it's not entirely realistic unless I know for a fact the author has put some practical research into the matter. And by the way, I'm not sure I want to know. I think I'd rather stick with healthy scepticism. All you authors are gorgeous, but I really don't want to picture you researching shibari with your hubbies. So let's just keep this relationship the way it is, m'kay?
But I do want to know the real story, too. I'm dying of curiosity. Are there really contracts? What is it about ropes and tediousness that gets people going? How much anal sex is too much?
All those answers (including the last one, by the by) can be found in Daddy, a memoir written by porn performer, sex educator, community activist -- and submissive -- Madison Young.
Where to begin...there's so much to this story. It's Madison's (formerly Tina's) life story, giving some hint into why she kind of has daddy issues and was looking for a strong, dominant partner to call Daddy. She comes of age as a queer woman in San Francisco, then, while working as a rope bondage model, she meets rope bondage practitioner James Mogul and falls in love. Their relationship goes through a lot of craziness before she gets pregnant and they settle down, more or less. Much of said craziness has to do with their careers.
Madison has many titles, all repeated often and varyingly throughout the book, but her career started with the feminist art gallery she founded, Femina Potens, a space for avant garde art and performance. She's been a porn star and producer, she holds sex education workshops, and she works tirelessly in the queer and feminist communities. There may be some things about her that don't impress you much, depending on who you are, but there is no denying she's an impressive person.
But, of course, that's not why I was reading this book. I was reading it for the nitty-gritty details, the whys and hows of her professional and personal activities. Yes, she has a contract with her daddy. Yes, she's done some pretty humiliating things as a submissive. No, she hasn't done it 24/7. Yes, something really horrifying does happen when you have too much anal sex. That scene almost made me lose my lunch. I'm clenching now just thinking about it. And I think that if you read this book carefully, you can do the math and determine almost exactly how much is too much.
Oh gawd, can we move on now? Yeah, thanks. This book is not only the memoir of someone who's really into kink, but it's meant to shed light on what some people get up to in order to get off. For those of us who are sheltered, as it were, to learn about what others consider normal and to accept it because it solves a lot of problems and answers a lot of questions and creates their happy place where they can be themselves. I love the idea of people with bondage fetishes meeting in church halls in suburban British Columbia and holding weekend workshops on knot techniques. In that respect, I learned a lot from this book that made me feel warm and fuzzy. I found it very educational.
But it's not a straightforward tale of how someone becomes a submissive. It meanders and uses excessive adjectives and includes scenes that seem to add little context and is rather over-written. I don't need it to have a conventional timeline by any means, but do not consider this a how-to guide. It's not meant to be; it just offers insight into one particular BDSM relationship. It's definitely a fascinating book, though to be honest I skimmed a lot of the personal stuff. Silly me, I just wanted to get to the dirty bits.
Neva
Reviewed from ARC. Published by Rare Bird Books January 6, 2014.
Full review at nomdeplumepress.wordpress.com.
February 6, 2014
I found the writing and editing ok, but the book left me flat and disinterested and didn't cover what the blurb promises: "Madison Young has had a lot of daddies in her life. From the relationship with her biological father to "leather daddies" of the adult and BDSM communities, Daddy explores Young's interwoven relationships with each of them and the sex positive values that she teaches and lectures on."
The book briefly mention's Young's childhood, mostly her mother and father fighting about his adultery, but little of her relationship with her father except for fairly standard outings/events with him and her brother to skate parks, pizza and a tv at home etc. She doesn't dig into how the relationship may have affected her sexual development and need for a "daddy". She never mentions actual encounters with other daddies and her relationship with her daddy James just covers the surface, again no real details or introspection on the relationship.
For someone who is supposed to be sex educator or a feminist porno director we get none of that from her book. She mentions one class and it's about fellatio and not even the safety aspect is mentioned, just how she gives a blow job in a class setting (using a strap on with an enthusiastic volunteer). Her directing isn't mentioned at all. What should make her a stand out in the sex trade community is left out of the book.
How she gets into the sex trade and her experiences are just too clean and convenient. She just falls into a job at her first interview? No casting couch, no nude pictures or at least seeing her body first? She mentions white powder once, the dead eyes some get after a while and herpes being an industry norm, but doesn't go into it further? Then again, while she doesn't show the negative of the porn industry, she doesn't show any positives either other than the money and enjoying doing what she does outside of work.
Young comes across as a rather vapid character who has no interest in much outside of working and doesn't think or question anything. She's pregnant and the father is out of the picture for most of the first 7 months, she is told he is an alcoholic and addicted to drugs and she doesn't question it, demand answers from him? Maybe it happened in real life, but it's not in the book. He just comes to her one day and says he thinks he'll have to give up his job in porn to be a dad and things are miraculously on track. What?!? She goes to the hospital for a porno related problem and the upshot is that she doesn't appreciate the doctor telling her she should now keep anything out of her anus?!? You're passing a cup of blood at a time and that's it?!? You don't even think about reassessing your lifestyle, you just get mildly perturbed at the doctor?
This book accomplishes nothing. It doesn't educate us, it doesn't show us a real life picture of the porn industry from a feminist POV (or really any view, there's not much there) and it doesn't showcase an interesting person. Maybe the potential really is there, maybe Madison Young is deep, thoughtful and a trailblazer, but it doesn't come though in this book.
I receive a copy of this book from Netgalley in exchange for my honest review.
The book briefly mention's Young's childhood, mostly her mother and father fighting about his adultery, but little of her relationship with her father except for fairly standard outings/events with him and her brother to skate parks, pizza and a tv at home etc. She doesn't dig into how the relationship may have affected her sexual development and need for a "daddy". She never mentions actual encounters with other daddies and her relationship with her daddy James just covers the surface, again no real details or introspection on the relationship.
For someone who is supposed to be sex educator or a feminist porno director we get none of that from her book. She mentions one class and it's about fellatio and not even the safety aspect is mentioned, just how she gives a blow job in a class setting (using a strap on with an enthusiastic volunteer). Her directing isn't mentioned at all. What should make her a stand out in the sex trade community is left out of the book.
How she gets into the sex trade and her experiences are just too clean and convenient. She just falls into a job at her first interview? No casting couch, no nude pictures or at least seeing her body first? She mentions white powder once, the dead eyes some get after a while and herpes being an industry norm, but doesn't go into it further? Then again, while she doesn't show the negative of the porn industry, she doesn't show any positives either other than the money and enjoying doing what she does outside of work.
Young comes across as a rather vapid character who has no interest in much outside of working and doesn't think or question anything. She's pregnant and the father is out of the picture for most of the first 7 months, she is told he is an alcoholic and addicted to drugs and she doesn't question it, demand answers from him? Maybe it happened in real life, but it's not in the book. He just comes to her one day and says he thinks he'll have to give up his job in porn to be a dad and things are miraculously on track. What?!? She goes to the hospital for a porno related problem and the upshot is that she doesn't appreciate the doctor telling her she should now keep anything out of her anus?!? You're passing a cup of blood at a time and that's it?!? You don't even think about reassessing your lifestyle, you just get mildly perturbed at the doctor?
This book accomplishes nothing. It doesn't educate us, it doesn't show us a real life picture of the porn industry from a feminist POV (or really any view, there's not much there) and it doesn't showcase an interesting person. Maybe the potential really is there, maybe Madison Young is deep, thoughtful and a trailblazer, but it doesn't come though in this book.
I receive a copy of this book from Netgalley in exchange for my honest review.
May 10, 2016
I took a trip to New York City and stayed at the Orchard Street Hotel (it was beautiful!) The hotel is located near the legendary Bluestockings book store, which I have always wanted to visit. This was one of the books I picked up. I wanted to get a first eye account/guide to BDSM culture. The back of this book was misleading.
I thought this book was extremely brave. Young is open about her relationship with her own father, which like many, isn't perfect. Memories of her childhood are woven with her own experiences in the BDSM community and seeking a daddy domme, someone to fill a fatherly role in her adult life. Many who are interested in hardcore BDSM/"different" sexualities are often nervous to be open about this connections, and defensive over the origin of their interests. Not Young - she puts it all on the table.
Well, that's how the book starts and it was certainly interesting. It definitely leaned toward the "memoir" side of the blurb on the back, and not on the "sex positive" side. We don't get a lot of Young's sex positive feminist ideology, which I would have loved to read. We do get several sex scenes, some of which are really hot. There was one where consent was not implied or described - a scene where Young is forced to drink urine in a bar - that made me uncomfortable and took away from the "healthy sex" side of this book. The book doesn't have to be about teaching steps of BDSM, but I think it's dangerous when consent isn't detailed in these types of scenes. It sets a bad precedent if it is the first BDSM text someone has read.
Then Young meets her daddy domme, and the book becomes an ode to him. Memories about her father are not as prevalent, and while we still get sex scenes, the sex positive vibe seems to slip too. This dwindles into a memoir about a girl who stays in a relationship that many suggest she shouldn't. Young's braveness continues because she admits this and her own fear that her feminist peers do not understand why she stayed with her partner as he abandons her for other women and a newfound drug addiction. This portions of the book were anger-provoking as I got to read chapter on chapter of this asshole's actions. Obviously it is not good to judge someone I have never met, and whose side of the story I have never heard, but if this is at all true ... DAMN!
Anyway, this book has a bit of false advertising to it. That doesn't mean it's bad or something I wouldn't have read if it had an appropriate blurb - I love reading about sex workers - but it was disappointing. I also felt, at times, that this wasn't written to write a book but to advertise Young. Throughout the book fans praise her for a specific porn series and she eventually describes the porn series from her point of view in the book. This porn series was done with her and her partner, and I feel like this book may have been written to flesh out their emotional lives and to make their relationship more available and interesting to readers. Other porns are written about in the book too. These portions of the book weren't necessarily bad, but they weren't as slick as Young would have liked them to be.
I thought this book was extremely brave. Young is open about her relationship with her own father, which like many, isn't perfect. Memories of her childhood are woven with her own experiences in the BDSM community and seeking a daddy domme, someone to fill a fatherly role in her adult life. Many who are interested in hardcore BDSM/"different" sexualities are often nervous to be open about this connections, and defensive over the origin of their interests. Not Young - she puts it all on the table.
Well, that's how the book starts and it was certainly interesting. It definitely leaned toward the "memoir" side of the blurb on the back, and not on the "sex positive" side. We don't get a lot of Young's sex positive feminist ideology, which I would have loved to read. We do get several sex scenes, some of which are really hot. There was one where consent was not implied or described - a scene where Young is forced to drink urine in a bar - that made me uncomfortable and took away from the "healthy sex" side of this book. The book doesn't have to be about teaching steps of BDSM, but I think it's dangerous when consent isn't detailed in these types of scenes. It sets a bad precedent if it is the first BDSM text someone has read.
Then Young meets her daddy domme, and the book becomes an ode to him. Memories about her father are not as prevalent, and while we still get sex scenes, the sex positive vibe seems to slip too. This dwindles into a memoir about a girl who stays in a relationship that many suggest she shouldn't. Young's braveness continues because she admits this and her own fear that her feminist peers do not understand why she stayed with her partner as he abandons her for other women and a newfound drug addiction. This portions of the book were anger-provoking as I got to read chapter on chapter of this asshole's actions. Obviously it is not good to judge someone I have never met, and whose side of the story I have never heard, but if this is at all true ... DAMN!
Anyway, this book has a bit of false advertising to it. That doesn't mean it's bad or something I wouldn't have read if it had an appropriate blurb - I love reading about sex workers - but it was disappointing. I also felt, at times, that this wasn't written to write a book but to advertise Young. Throughout the book fans praise her for a specific porn series and she eventually describes the porn series from her point of view in the book. This porn series was done with her and her partner, and I feel like this book may have been written to flesh out their emotional lives and to make their relationship more available and interesting to readers. Other porns are written about in the book too. These portions of the book weren't necessarily bad, but they weren't as slick as Young would have liked them to be.
August 6, 2016
If you know nothing about the world of Kink and porn you might not know who Madison Young is. You might not be able to fully appreciate the book and things in it might bother you. However, as a story its amazing to see the trials that Madison went through to get to where she is today.
When I got this book I knew very little about Madison. I had seen interviews, followed her workshops and saw her appearance on Training of O with James Mogul which she talks about in the book. Her spot with James on Training of O remains one of the most intense and interesting scenes I've ever watched. However, this book was an eye opener and not always in a good way. It's not all sunshine and rainbows (floggers and leather). There are points where you might wince or wish you could help Ms. Young in her troubles. I'm sure a psychiatrist would have a field day with this book but they would miss the passion and the connection that exists.
The book is written in a very interesting style and very conversational in tone. It's informal and passionate and if you enjoy Madison's work on screen or off I think you'll benefit to hear about her start and her progression through the industry. The fact that I know about feminist porn is entirely because of her and her work to bring not just porn but kink porn to a female audience is amazing!
I'll admit the one BIG thing that I feel was missing from this has nothing to do with the actual book! I want a follow up with James' side. He seems to be the quieter of the two and his personal life is kept as just that, personal but the nuggets that we see in the book make it all the more interesting. I just want more!
My one tiny little bother with the book is one that I have absolutely no right to complain over. The title and use of the word "Daddy" through the book made me twitch but that's just a personal preference. I have no issue with the content just someone using that word and "little girl" in a sexual context squicks me a little bit. Again, do not let this deter you from this book. It is an excellent read and one that may change your mind about certain segments of the industry.
When I got this book I knew very little about Madison. I had seen interviews, followed her workshops and saw her appearance on Training of O with James Mogul which she talks about in the book. Her spot with James on Training of O remains one of the most intense and interesting scenes I've ever watched. However, this book was an eye opener and not always in a good way. It's not all sunshine and rainbows (floggers and leather). There are points where you might wince or wish you could help Ms. Young in her troubles. I'm sure a psychiatrist would have a field day with this book but they would miss the passion and the connection that exists.
The book is written in a very interesting style and very conversational in tone. It's informal and passionate and if you enjoy Madison's work on screen or off I think you'll benefit to hear about her start and her progression through the industry. The fact that I know about feminist porn is entirely because of her and her work to bring not just porn but kink porn to a female audience is amazing!
I'll admit the one BIG thing that I feel was missing from this has nothing to do with the actual book! I want a follow up with James' side. He seems to be the quieter of the two and his personal life is kept as just that, personal but the nuggets that we see in the book make it all the more interesting. I just want more!
My one tiny little bother with the book is one that I have absolutely no right to complain over. The title and use of the word "Daddy" through the book made me twitch but that's just a personal preference. I have no issue with the content just someone using that word and "little girl" in a sexual context squicks me a little bit. Again, do not let this deter you from this book. It is an excellent read and one that may change your mind about certain segments of the industry.
May 14, 2014
Definitely feel mixed about this memoir. It starts off strong with insights into Young's art, work and relationships with family, other artists and her partners--and she really bares her soul, which almost always makes an interesting memoir. Very intimate details about her relationships are given, with some thought, but something about the style of writing left me wanting a good deal of the time. The book begins and ends with much self-examination, and these are the parts I liked the best. The bulk of the book is a series of loosely related life events, which is kind of how we all live our lives, but that choice didn't give me the meaty, explicit connections that I like in memoirs.
On the other hand, it is this style that lends the books some of its strength--when we look back at our lives, we can try to force a simple, coherent narrative, but that's always a bit contrived. Young leaves her life messy in this memoir, and that's to be commended, even if as a reader it sometimes wasn't as satisfying.
I suspect that future memoirs, if she continues writing them, will be better than this one as she hones her writing craft--a book centering on the founding of Femina Potens would be most welcome, for instance, as the bits and pieces we get about it skim the surface. I want to hear (even) more about how feminism, art, submission and motherhood all play out for her.
On the other hand, it is this style that lends the books some of its strength--when we look back at our lives, we can try to force a simple, coherent narrative, but that's always a bit contrived. Young leaves her life messy in this memoir, and that's to be commended, even if as a reader it sometimes wasn't as satisfying.
I suspect that future memoirs, if she continues writing them, will be better than this one as she hones her writing craft--a book centering on the founding of Femina Potens would be most welcome, for instance, as the bits and pieces we get about it skim the surface. I want to hear (even) more about how feminism, art, submission and motherhood all play out for her.
February 27, 2014
I loved it. Simply tore right through it. I always saw this woman as this irresistible sex goddess of indie porn. I knew she was a feminist....what I didn't exspect was to be able to relate to her so well. From the way she was raised in Ohio, to the complicated family dynamics...you feel yourself walking her path along side her. Her adventures become your own. As she finds herself not only as a sex worker in indie porn films, you watch as she some how commingles her feminist self, and tackles the art world...on her terms. Your led on her search for a love, and not just any love, but a 'Daddy' and in Ms. Youngs world that means whips and rope. Ahhh the way she describes the rope... I've never been big into S&M but the lush details of the erotic unfolding of her sexual journey had me hooked. I couldn't put it down. I've always loved her movies, but now I love her. I love the sex positive way she lives and how she manages to raise a small child, keep the flame burning with her 'Mr. Mogul', and jet set all over the place to teach sex friendly work shop, and curate art. All the while sipping an energy drink and educating us all. Yes, we woman can be sexual. Yes we woman can also have it all. Oh...and 'Slut' is now my favorite term of endearment.
April 20, 2014
3.5 stars. I solidly enjoyed this book as a look inside of someone other than my own's head for the way we apologize for the ones we love. The main focus of this book is not so much her porn career as it is about her family dynamic and relationship with her partner (who is also an adult performer, so, yes, the porn industry is the setting, but not the overall point.) Some people may frown upon this effort. Madison's relationship with her partner is abusive in several ways; there are some truly horrifying examples of neglect in this book. I caught myself at some point saying to myself, "I would not have wanted this to be my memoir. This is not what I would've wanted to put out in the world, this image of a love so humiliating." She tries to bring this book to a happy conclusion, but I am not convinced. Regardless of all of this, I saw a lot of myself in Young and really sympathized for her boundless hope for her relationship. This is written by her inner little girl, which may make some of the abuse a little harder to swallow. I won't give this book a bad rating, though, because I was entertained by it, sympathized with it, and I don't believe Madison is the one to be shamed, here.
August 10, 2016
I thought the book started out well but I really didn't know anything about the author so Google helped me out. I would of thought this would have been a major introduction flaw since I had to google it. So then I learned this girl was a porno star turned submissive for this guy James Mogul. I'm interested at this point because she is living the kind of life she dreams of, and is obviously doing great with it. The story from here gets a little murky. She climbs into her past to when her father left as maybe an explanation as to why her daddy persona is important to her. He wasn't an absent parent but some women stay little girls forever. She is obviously lesbian at first and then she finds her daddy. She has quite the life of kink, and artistic expression. I personally liked her kink side and thought she did a pretty good job with the book. I guess it's geared toward people who are already fans. I didn't feel like I got to know the real her though, just how she is behind her daddy persona. Thanks netgalley for a free read in exchange for my opinion.
August 16, 2015
I've followed Madison Young's porn, educational & art work and (defunct) Live journal for many years now - and I'm absolutely fascinated by her. I adore her unflinching honesty and her bravery, ESPECIALLY since she's become a mother. The way she puts herself out there, for so many years now and through triumphs and crises- that is so very, very rare and unbelievably courageous.
So this book was a real treat for me. I feel I've gotten to know her even better.
Overall this book felt really raw, as if written in the middle of the storm rather than after the fact. And it also felt like she was constantly struggling to reconcile her (artistic?) need to write a neatly wrapped-up healing story-arc with trying to be honest about some uncomfortable facts of a complicated, messy life lived in the moment.
And I can absolutely relate to that.
Please continue writing and tell us, in a few years, after the storm has settled and your little one is older, how things turned out for you and the insights you've gained in retrospect.
I will be your most avid reader.
So this book was a real treat for me. I feel I've gotten to know her even better.
Overall this book felt really raw, as if written in the middle of the storm rather than after the fact. And it also felt like she was constantly struggling to reconcile her (artistic?) need to write a neatly wrapped-up healing story-arc with trying to be honest about some uncomfortable facts of a complicated, messy life lived in the moment.
And I can absolutely relate to that.
Please continue writing and tell us, in a few years, after the storm has settled and your little one is older, how things turned out for you and the insights you've gained in retrospect.
I will be your most avid reader.
April 8, 2014
I had to give this 4 starts mostly bc I read it in 2 days so I can't say I didn't totally enjoy it. If you're familiar with Madison Young's work you'll guess this is a memoir about her life and work as a feminist pornographer/BDSM artist and performer. It's also a romance though, and for me that's where it fell a little flat. Parts of the book read like VC Andrews or a harlequin romance novel--just over the top and silly. There are too many goofy literary embellishments and odd remembrances of days gone by that just ring false. I'm probably a little thick but it wasn't until the second to last page that I heard myself think 'wow this woman has father issues'--and made myself laugh out loud. Not sure if that's a tribute to the nuance she uses to approach the narrative? The story also has the usual redemptive arc that no autobiography seems to successfully elude--at the end the dragons in the fairy tale are all slayed and everyone is smiling.
November 12, 2015
I am always looking for ways to expand my consciousness and understanding of sexual and gender politics, and thus I picked up this book having never heard of Madison Young. I wondered how far a Daddy-Little Girl dynamic could be taken by a likeable, feminist entrepreneur? I found some parts of the book very hard to read, as it reveals how the abject suffering of actual slaves and prisoners in our world is reflected back in sexual expression and claimed for joy and pleasure by willing participants. I appreciated how the author showed both the good and bad sides of being involved the sex industry in a very thorough and intriguing style so that ultimately, nothing was glamorized. The protagonist, although a real person, also felt to me to be a fictional character in the scope and breadth of her journey, which ultimately led to...parenthood! The next time someone asks me "If you could have dinner with anybody, who would it be?" I think I'll say "Madison Young."
May 26, 2014
A compelling "mini-history" lesson of the alternative lifestyle community in SF from someone who was there at the beginning of the current century to it's recent end (?), as well as her own journey from childhood to maturity. Stylistically I found the time-jumping in the narrative hard to keep track of throughout, but her acceptance of her life decisions and appreciation of those who read along so far endeared me to her story even more at the end, and the author's voice was always honest and genuine.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 43 reviews