Maxed Out

by Katrina Alcorn

Katrina Alcorn was a 37-year-old mother with a happy marriage and a thriving career when one day, on the way to Target to buy diapers, she had a breakdown. Her carefully built career shuddered to a halt, and her journey through depression, anxiety, and insomnia—followed by medication, meditation, and therapy—began.

Alcorn wondered how a woman like herself, with a loving husband, a supportive boss, three healthy kids, and a good income, was unable to manage the demands of having a career and a family. Over time, she realized that she wasn’t alone. As she questioned other working moms, she realized that many women were struggling to do it all, crashing, and feeling as if they were somehow failing as a result.

Mothers are the breadwinners in two-thirds of American families, yet the American workplace is uniquely hostile to the needs of parents. Weaving in surprising research about the dysfunction between the careers and home lives of working mothers, as well as the consequences to women’s health, Alcorn tells a deeply personal story about "having it all," failing miserably, and what comes after. Ultimately, she offers readers a vision for a healthier, happier, and more productive way to live and work.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Memoir, Feminism, Personal Development, Adult, Audiobook

393 pages, Paperback

First published August 27, 2013

About the author

Katrina is a writer and self-employed consultant. She lives in Oakland, CA with her husband and three kids.

Reviews

[Tory · Rating 5 out of 5]

After reading Lean In, I kind of wanted to kill myself. Sheryl Sandberg asks over and over again - "What would you do if you weren't afraid?" I'm not afraid - I'm EXHAUSTED. Working 40-50+ hours a week with two young children and an equally-involved-in-family-life-but-has-an-equally-demanding-job husband is breaking me down on a regular basis. Weekends are spent not relaxing but running all over the place getting errands and bare-bones housekeeping done. And every time a kid gets sick or it snows, I am without child care - but my "family-friendly" employer allows me to WORK FROM HOME in these situations. Since actually getting work done while caring for young children is pretty much impossible, I make the time up by working late into the night. God forbid I get sick myself. The pieces of my life just barely fit together when everything is going perfectly, but when things fall apart it's impossible to do the extra work needed to catch up.

Is my life this overwhelming because I am a loser? Or because it really is a lot to handle? "Maxed Out" suggests the latter, which makes me feel a little better. Thanks, Katrina! I was also very happy she read the audio book version herself, she did a great job with the narration and I loved hearing her story in her own voice.

[Nancy Kho · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received an advance copy of this book and while I was waiting for it, read "Lean In" by Sheryl Sandberg so I could compare the two. Much as I thought Sandberg made good points, particularly about getting partners to contribute more, Alcorn's book is far more relatable and realistic to me. Alcorn sounds like 95% of the women I know: smart, hard working, determined not to let anyone down, family OR boss, at the cost of their own sanity because they can't afford unlimited daycare and housecleaning help. She weaves in hard data about the lack of support for working families in America with her own descent into despair and the slow climb out, so it reads like great memoir and important nonfiction in the same book.

"Maxed Out" seeks to further the discussion that "Lean In" started but takes it beyond what women need to do better and points at the institutions and practices that could provide systemic solutions to benefit national productivity. Alcorn's story, by being so calm, measured, and believable, is an important perspective in the debate.

[Ciara · Rating 3 out of 5]

as a memoir, i really liked this book. it was far more readable & engaging than i had anticipated. honestly, i was kind of expecting another dry sociological examination of how american society does not provide enough support for working mothers to truly make choices about their careers & families. i've read plenty of those sorts of books, even though it's not a situation that personally affects me, being on disability. when i checked it out of the library, i even told jared that i probably wouldn't read it, & i did let it sit on my bookshelf for weeks before i finally cracked it open.

alcorn writes about having a child as a freelance web designer & accepting a job working with a design firm. she manages a team & flies around the country giving talks. she & her husband add another baby to the mix a few years later & slowly the wheels start coming off. even though alcorn's boss is a relatively sympathetic working mother herself, who agrees to a lengthy maternity leave & a four-day work week, even though alcorn finds a day care situation she's very comfortable with & has a partner on the scene to pitch in, she eventually has to quit her job & spends months recuperating from the mental & physical demands of her situation. again, not something i can relate to. i don't have the option of taking on a career like alcorn's, even if i wanted to. but it was well-written & interesting.

i could have lived without the little essays after each chapter, focusing on how public policy affects working mothers. that's the actual focus of plenty of other books, & they do it better & more exhaustively. these little snippets didn't really alert me to anything new, & as other reviewers have observed, alcorn had far more flexibility & help than the average working mom & it didn't really seem to help her too much. so in that respect, these essays seemed tacked on & irrelevant, to some degree.

i also have to say it, because it really did bother me: her husband kind of came across as a dick. surprisingly inflexible when alcorn suddenly had to work late, all too willing to foist extra work off on alcorn when he had a big work project afoot, & a petulant child when alcorn said she wasn't planning to quit her job after the second baby was born. he's all, "you said you would quit!" even though she makes more money than him. WTF? i also couldn't help crunching the numbers & observing that alcorn & her husband got together when his first daughter, with a different woman, was less than a year old. shit happens & everything, but as the mother of a 17-month-old, i shuddered at the prospect of my partner running off to start making babies with some other lady when we have a kid this little. as much as he drives me bonkers sometimes, haha. obviously i don't know their situation or anything--that obviously wasn't the focus of the book. but it weirded me out. maybe i'm an asshole.

i guess i also have to say that there were some things about this book that were just...not remotely relatable. which is fine. it's just something to be aware of, for prospective readers. like when alcorn writes about going to the TED conference & having her eyes opened by watching elizabth gilbert's talk while she & her boss lounged around getting their nails painted. (or something like that. it was truly something where i was like, "& this book is about how hard your life is?") i tried to take the attitude that everyone has their struggles & maybe we can learn from them. but you know. that's a charitable view.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

So here's the thing. I'm a working mom, and I know a lot of other working moms, and while we all share similar complaints and suffer similar stresses involved in working a full-time job while also trying to be a good parent...none of us have had a nervous breakdown. That reaction seems extreme. And yet, I do recognize that's a pretty judgmental thing to say and if there's anything women need, it's less judgment. I obviously don't have Alcorn's life or her reactions to things, and I can't truly compare without walking a mile in her shoes.

The summary of this book here on Goodreads says "Alcorn tells a deeply personal story about "having it all," failing miserably, and what comes after. Ultimately, she offers readers a vision for a healthier, happier, and more productive way to live and work." Um, not really. There's hardly anything about "what comes after" and not that much about about the "vision" they talk of. It's primarily a memoir about everything that led up to her breakdown, with perfunctory bits about what we could do better.

I do agree 100% with those tiny bits, which sadly are thrown in at the end of each chapter almost as afterthoughts -- that employers need to allow more flexibility in work schedules, that men need to be more empowered to move beyond the stereotype and be a true equal household partner, that women need to learn how to say "no" and be ok with not doing every single thing, etc. These are all dead on. I'm very fortunate to be in a job that rarely requires me to work more than 40 hours per week, allows me a lot of day-to-day flexibility as long as I'm getting my work done, and is located in a place where I don't have a long commute. I am fully aware that a lot of women don't have these "perks" in their own jobs. Still, I can't help but wonder why Alcorn didn't consider other options. Her company wasn't amenable to part-time work, but what about a full-time job at another company that might have been less demanding? Or part-time work at another company? Or part-time freelance? And why was she the one expected to consider quitting? She had a steady job with a steady paycheck vs. her husband's less-stable freelance work. Did they think about having her husband quit his job instead?

So while I would say that I did like this book, I have to admit that it simultaneously made me angry. I keep reading these "working mom memoirs" and keep ending up unsatisfied. There are books like "Lean In," which encourage women to consider other options before mommy tracking themselves. And then there's this book, which basically says women have no choice but to mommy track themselves or else go crazy. Neither of those is exactly what I want, and I feel like there must be some middle ground there. Why isn't anyone writing about THAT?

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked parts of this book more than others - I enjoyed the small sections between chapters which reviewed research and introduced different policies, workplace culture change ideas, etc. Most of the book was the author's personal story about her high-stress career and how she had a breakdown and had to take a year off to recover and reevaluate. This part got a little long for me - I felt she could have made this more concise. I thought the best two chapters were the final two chapters which more talked about policies for improving family life in our country - policies that would benefit both women AND men. I think the book would have been stronger if it had been more focused on the ideas raised in the last two chapters, weaving her personal story in, instead of the other way around.

And again, I am annoyed at media reports on this book which focus more on her breakdown and serve to enhance the "mommy wars" debate rather than change the conversation, something the author advocates for at the end. {SPOILER ALERT} After all, she does not have a breakdown, quit her job, stay home with her children and live happily ever after. She does return to work, albeit a different job and on different terms. I think she learned to say "no" more than she was and stopped measuring herself against other people and their expectations; two things I felt were very evident in her story and also something that I think happens a lot to women of all types, whether they work or not, whether they are moms or not.

Finally, there were points in the book where I felt she contradicted herself. The last chapter (or "Afterword") provides a list of items that women can do if they are feeling "maxed out". Number two on this list is "Be An Ally to Other Women", which I fully support. However, one of the between-chapter sections slams Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In concept and later on in the book, some of the ideas Alcorn is advocating for - "we need to get dads more actively involved in parenting", for example - are shared by Sandberg. Perhaps the anti-Lean In response and references to it in her book were a marketing tactic to sell more books, but it frankly annoyed me since I read Lean In as well and thought that both women, while coming from different places and with different stories, had some of the same ideas, which again if taken together would maybe further the conversation and get us somewhere.

[Sheila Trask · Rating 4 out of 5]

Working Moms, You're Not Alone This book is for every mother who ever wondered why she seemed to be in charge of everything, and felt so very, very alone with her responsibilities. Katrina Alcorn is here to tell you: It's not you.
 
It's every parent in the United States struggling to maintain some career clout, or just make ends meet, while raising a family.
 
Alcorn knows how it is, and shares her story here, not just to express her own emotions (although she does this with great clarity and humility) but also to bring awareness to the growing problems of American families who are stressed to their wit's ends by trying to hold it all together day by day.
 
Alcorn has it all: a supportive husband, an understanding boss, an enviable job, and a beautiful new baby. And then another baby. And a stepdaughter. She's sure that, as long as nothing ever goes wrong, she can handle the commute, the clients, the daycare pickup and dropoff, the housework, the bedtime routine, etc. It's all perfectly organized on that giant spreadsheet she keeps on the refrigerator door. Unfortunately, life does not conform to the rows and columns on a spreadsheet, and it all comes tumbling down.
 
As a mother who once got almost to daycare and work when her 1-year-old vomited all over the back seat of the car, I know how fast it can fall apart. I appreciated Alcorn's honesty about her experience, and her willingness to share it. So many women think they are the only ones, but it's simply not true.
 
I also liked the way Alcorn framed her story with facts. She includes information about workplace rights for nursing mothers, statistics about family leave laws in our country and others, and analysis of employment trends over the past several decades. This information makes it clear that her story is not unique.
 
(Read from an ARC provided by NetGalley; Due out August 28, 2013)
 
 
 
 
 
 

[Lindsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Forget “leaning in” – as an average, full –time working middle-class mom in America, every piece of Katrina’s book resonated with me. It is a great blend of her personal story, supplemented/augmented with research on the current state of the American workplace. Katrina makes the case for why the United States is the worst country in the world for being a working parent. As a working mom I struggle with tremendous guilt about not being able to give my all to both my kids and to work. I’ve often pondered what’s “wrong” with me and why can’t I seem to make life work. Do I just need to be more organized? Why doesn’t my husband seem to share the same level of guilt and stress? Her discussion about the “psychic burden” mothers have was the light bulb moment for me. Katrina’s story also seemed to validate that while personal life choices are a factor, a greater influence on our ability to be successful working parents (or not) are outdated workplace and government policies. We have one of the worst track records of any industrialized nation. In addition, our culture of proving our worth by working harder and longer sets us all up to fail. So many times throughout her book I would say “yes, she gets it, she’s been there” – although the details are a bit different, it’s as though she were writing my story. She spends the majority of the book laying out her case and allowing us to commiserate with her and then devotes the final section to a call-to-action list. Overall a very well-written, thoughtful and stirring book that every working person must read.

[Elise · Rating 4 out of 5]

I feel like this should be required companion reading to Sandberg's Lean In. Read Lean In before you have kids. Read Maxed Out when you've had kid(s) and they are 2.5 and you are wondering why, again, you are trying to lean in to a career and "Am I going crazy?!?" Lean In taught me how to have balance, be the best mom I can be while cutting myself appropriate slack for not keeping up with the stay-at-home-mamas, and to pull off professional walking into a business meeting when ten minutes ago you were being spit up on. Maxed Out taught me that it's ok to throw in the towel every once in a while, and that those days where you are going slightly crazy and no longer able to will your brain to work at work - that it's ok to have a little meltdown and call a major time out. Or your therapist. Better yet, both!

Lean In inspired me. Maxed Out made me feel normal and reassured me that it's ok that my working-mom life doesn't look like Lean In.

[Sarah Cooley · Rating 2 out of 5]

I realize writing this book was therapeutic for the author. But her story is my story and my colleagues' stories. Reading every gory detail of her march towards breakdown was actually very stressful because it was so close to home-- and not eye opening at all. I kept reading through a voyeuristic interest. I found it more than discouraging that real actionable solutions were relegated to a short afterword. I wanted more discussion of those rather than a recounting of the author's inability to set boundaries.

[Carol · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have been struggling for several days with what to review this book and exactly what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it. I appreciate the author making a case against America's workaholic culture that can be very family unfriendly. However I think it would be more realistic to say that contributed to the author's breakdown rather than caused it. I work full time as does my spouse. We have two small children but neither of us seems to be on the verge of a breakdown. Do we sometimes struggle with our work/life balance? Sure. Doesn't everyone. I would say it is actually more of a concern for him than me. And that is the point. It is all anecdotal. So is this book. The studies presented are very short and not examined in any great detail. It is more of the personal story of the author who admits to the fact that she ignored warning signs that her life was out of control. I do not want to judge her and get into any mommy wars but I since I am reviewing a book I have to say I couldn't stand the fact that she blamed her daughter's difficult kindergarten transition on her working and being stressed. I also didn't like how she easily dismissed anyone who doesn't have children as having the right to be busy. Maybe that single person works multiple jobs, goes to school cares for aging parents...
I settled for three stars because the book obviously made me think but ultimately I just want to reread Lean In and keep my foot on the gas pedal.

[Jen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really wanted to give this book 3.5 stars, but I didn't have that option.

While I appreciated many of the points the author made about working moms needing more help, I disagree with some of her political viewpoints that made their way into the book. She promotes paid leave (many full-time employers offer sick and vacation time), paid maternity leave (probably not at the top of any politician's to-do list right now), and universal healthcare (which has already been a debacle with the implementation of Obamacare). I found the author's heart to be in the right place with all of her suggestions but difficult to make a priority in Washington or in any state government.

Anyway, she told an interesting story of her burnout and ultimate recovery, and it was even more interesting to find that she met other women who experienced the same sort of flame-out. I'm a working mom, and although I do find it difficult at times, I haven't come close to burning out. Perhaps that is because I work for a family-friendly employer that encourages its employees to take time out when needed for kids or family. Being a working mom is a juggling act, and maybe if you add another kid (the author had two plus a stepdaughter), the juggling act gets more difficult. I found it hard to relate to such an extreme case, but maybe she intended her own story to act more as a warning than a case study.

[Bookphile · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a really good book about an important topic. So much of what women were told as girls ends up feeling like one big lie when we become adults. The U.S. is a country that makes it pretty much impossible for women to have a meaningful career and be able to raise a family, and our country outright fails families in the most dire economic circumstances. It never ceases to amaze me how skilled politicians and corporate America have become at derailing the conversation, convincing Americans that the social support systems that would make all our lives better are somehow evil. It's even more astonishing when you dig into the research and find that meaningful reforms would help not only working families, but the government and corporations with greater productivity and decreased health care costs. Scandinavian countries are getting it right while we're getting it dead wrong, and that's becoming more and more evident. We need to change not just for the benefit of working Americans, but for the benefit of our country as a whole.

[Christina]

Read to about page 100, then skimmed the rest. It's not a bad book as far as I can tell; it's just that this author's experience of motherhood is quite different from my own, and since this book is primarily her personal story, there's only so much I can share with her.

Which is not to say her story does not resonate. I'm sure it does for many women. I wonder if being single allows me to give myself permission to be imperfect? Sure, homemade baby food, cloth diapers and zero television would be idea. But in my messy real life, it's jarred food, disposables and Curious George on weekends because otherwise I'd be losing my mind.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the story that needs to be told about the plight of working parents in America. Alcorn weaves her own tale with facts about the American workplace and the hostility shown to working parents. Alcorn rightly focuses on working mothers as they continue to carry the brunt of the housework/childcare on the home front. It's an unsustainable system. Alcorn presents real time solutions to work on changing the conversation and pressuring the US government to do more to support this generation of working parents.

[Ronda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think I liked this book. I sort of want a T-shirt with the cover printed on it for the next time I take my two-year-old grocery shopping. If the wild look in my eyes doesn't garner sympathy, the suggestion that I'm at the breaking point might at least convince unsympathetic people to keep their distance.

Probably the biggest plus for the book is that it let's other working moms know that they're not alone and provides a vivid narrative that will undoubtedly resonate with those of us who are trying to do it all. Knowing that what you're going through is about par for the course, however, is extremely valuable. You can say, "Okay, it's not me. The odds are awful, but they're what I have to work with, so instead of trying to fix myself, where do I go from here?" Alcorn even takes the book a step past what one of my friends refers to as "crisis porn" by offering tangible actions women can take to support one another.

Beyond this, however, the book still leaves one feeling a bit out in the cold. It seems like the only option open to working mothers until/unless American society goes through a major transformation is to work until we break. Then we just hope that we're financially secure enough for our families to survive until we can pick up the pieces and regain a shaky footing as freelancers or with the aid of a heap of psychotherapy and pills. This isn't an option for a lot of women, and it's far from an attractive option for anyone. It's almost like we need a modern day Lysistrata to end the war on moms (or millions of dollars to send lobbyists to Washington).

So kudos to Alcorn for breaking new ground. I hope she continues to build on this beginning. I'd also love to see a similar book telling her husband's side of the story.

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

I LOVED this book!! I am a SAHM/working from home mom, and although this book is more directed at mothers that work outside of the home, it is SO relatable and I think it’s a great read for all mothers. I no longer work outside of the home, but so many things in this book reminded me of what it was like when I did, from trying to juggle it all with motherhood and a career to being a woman/mother in a man’s world. I also could relate to the anxiety and panic attacks Alcorn talks about throughout the book.

As much as I could see myself in her writing, I also realized that Alcorn had ALOT more stress and was juggling ALOT more in her life than I have in mine. Reading her story reminded me that I could have a lot more to stress and worry about than I do, and I am very fortunate to be where I am in life. I have thought of this book and her words several times since having read it. It is definitely a book that will stay with me for many many years, if not forever.

I would not consider this book to be a “self help book”. What I mean by that is that this book doesn’t provide you with helpful tips/suggestions to you can apply to your current situation. This is Alcorn’s personal story of her experience as a working mother trying to do it all and not lose her sanity at the same time. I think that this book does an amazing job of giving mothers of all types something to relate to and make them realize “hey...you’re not alone and we’re all struggling.” And giving mothers reading this book that feeling is priceless.

[Maribel Ibrahim · Rating 5 out of 5]

I could not put this book down and devoured it over the course of a weekend. What I find refreshing in this book is that, in addition to the anecodotal, personal experiences of a mom that any mother can relate to, it manages to take the frighteningly hostile climate that exists regarding families and provide new, refreshing insights on how we can reconstruct and redefine a better way of life. The book reads like a novel, with enough intelligent reasoning to keep a clinician engaged.

Katrina Alcorn also manages to avoid taking sides, firing hasty criticisms and frankly identifies outdated norms that MUST be changed. And, even, better, she outlines ways to do just that.

[Alison Schmidt · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was really good. Pretty much exactly what I expected. If you are looking for a book that will solve all of your problems, this is not that. If you are looking for commiseration, or a self check in to see how close you are to maxing out, it is that. Alcorn is brave to share her story and it will have you shaking your fist at the powers that be more than once. It is yet another reminder that systematic change is needed in how the American workplace treats families. The best you can do is to help be and/or facilitate that change.

[Sarah Feuillette · Rating 4 out of 5]

Even though I don't suffer from anxiety nor am I similarly employed while rearing 3 kids, I can still relate to the themes presented in Maxed OUT. I think any woman grappling with her identity as a mom and working woman could stand to read this book. I see enough of myself in Katrina that it felt like listening to the story of a wise friend. Easy, thought-provoking read.

[The Advocate]

"This book is a fascinating look at what drives the average American mom and why we sometimes are our own worst enemy."
Read more here.

[Stephanie Daugherty bonn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been devouring this book. If I had writing skills I could've written this myself. I wish I could send a copy to every professional working mother that I know!!!! A must read for mothers of young children.

[Sarah Baltensperger · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely loved and needed this book! She is raw, honest, and shares the reality of life as a working mom. Katrina is an excellent writer-the book was so engaging and a quick read. Truly one of the best books I have ever read!

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone considering parenthood should read this book. At a minimum, everyone who reads Sheryl Sandberg's book Lean In should have to read Maxed Out first.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book perfectly encapsulated my feelings being a working mom and the struggles that comes with it (her research on the average time women breastfed once they're back at work being about one month--which was how long I lasted--was a good indicator that she understood just one of the challenges of a new working mom). I really do feel that working women have been sold a bill of goods. We're supposed to pretend we don't have kids for 8 hours a day (plus the commute) and then pretend we don't have work when we're home with our family. And it's BS. There should be way more support for mothers. I'm one for small government in many instances...but not in this case. No paid maternity leave, little flex time, no check-ins from nurses/midwives after the birth and throughout the first year--these are the bare minimums of support we should provide for our wives and mothers who are doing the most important work. And let's not get into the costs of childcare, which seem to punish just about everyone at every level. And I don't even want to have childcare costs! I'd rather stay at home and work part-time or on a flex level. It feels like we've sold out the value of mothering in favor of women working, and I'm not sure why there's not room for both. Alcorn wrote a clear and provocative story of her own experiences which I'm sure millions of women can relate to. Great read.

[Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

Alcorn’s descriptions of her mental struggles, panic attacks, memory/train of thought issues, anxiety and despair felt like I (and I’m sure many other working moms) had someone inside my brain! I also really identified with her comments about how maybe we need to start listening to ourselves and when enough is enough for US. Every person is different, and I’m a different financial, emotional, and familial situation. Each of us have our own line when, if crossed, we break and have a hell of a time coming back. Doesn’t make one woman more or less capable than any other. I certainly didn’t agree with all of her decisions and gripes, but again, we are all different and I think this was overall extremely relatable for many of us, yet also completely unrealistic for many (being able to take a year off, having a supportive husband, etc). Glad she didn’t blame all her woes on the “patriarchy” and was generally realistic on how the world has changed radically in a short period of time. I could have done without the amount of discussion on policy change simply because we have all heard it before, nothing new, and I preferred to read her personal story as well as the snippets from other moms.

[Gail · Rating 2 out of 5]

In what should be entitled “Maxed Out: American Working Moms on the Brink,” Katrina Alcorn recounts her personal experience as a woman trying to advance her career and raise children at the same time (with just a few statistics and policy suggestions spliced into each chapter). The problem is that memoirs are only worth reading if they are very well written, historically important, or totally relatable; and I’m sorry to say Alcorn’s doesn’t qualify.

Her tale is decently written, but interesting anecdotes and remarkable turns of phrase are the exception rather than the norm. I also can’t believe that her experience is representative of working moms. She extrapolates from surveys indicating that working moms feel anxious, the confessions of a handful of her friends, and her own crippling panic attacks and depression to the conclusion that working moms suffer from a “chronic state of busyness, stress, and exhaustion.” She puts her finger on a real problem but overestimates its severity, since her own experience almost certainly falls at the far end of the spectrum. I am not a working mom, but I know many whose frustration with the juggling act does not come anywhere close to causing a mental break. Who knows, maybe Alcorn and her friends are the norm, not my pals; but I certainly hope not.

That said, Alcorn’s memoir may hold some appeal for working moms that I just can’t understand. I’m sure it offers valuable validation and commiseration. Here are a few of my favorite quotes - if only the rest of the book had been as funny or significant it would have been a read I could recommend:

“Like a lot of men, Brian had two modes of conversation about work - Ahab-level obsession and slacker-level indifference.”

“When we don’t get enough sleep, our brains start to malfunction in all sorts of bizarre ways - we lose our emotional resilience, our tempers, and our ability to sustain logical thought. . . . Which means the vast majority of parents with children under the age of two are the emotional equivalent of stumbling, bleary-eyed drunks looking for a fight or a warm place to take a nap.”

“The bar was so low for dads. Dads were like clowns at the party. Show up, make everyone laugh, take a bow, then disappear before the mess had to be cleaned up.”

“Because while I could have done those [self-care] things, I couldn’t have enjoyed them [whereas my husband could].”

“And so, in the fine tradition of exhausted, guilt-ridden mothers everywhere, I had alienated the person I most depended on - my husband - and upset the person I most wanted to protect - my child.”

“As it turns out, managing temperamental toddlers had been excellent training for managing creative professionals like Thomas. The skills I picked up at home worked equally well, if not better, at work. I listened. I offered options. I set limits. I eschewed ambiguity. I did not engage in emotional turbulence. I kept my cool and waited it out. I was always available to problem-solve, and I did not hold grudges. I refereed disagreements . . . the way I [did] at home. I gave both parties a chance to air their complaints, then enlisted their help in coming to a mutually agreeable solution. When they succeeded, I heaped on the praise.”

“In her book If You’ve Raised Kids, You Can Manage Anything, Ann Crittenden says that mothers excel at work, not in spite of our parenting experience, but because of it. Raising children teaches us to sharpen our focus in the midst of distractions, enhances our interpersonal skills, and develops our ability to motivate others - all transferable skills.”

“For someone young and single, this might sound like a dreadfully dull way to spend a week, but as any busy mom can imagine, I was in Getting Things Done heaven.”

“An essay I once read by the historian and New Yorker writer Jill Lepore helped me to make sense of the alienation I felt. She explains that we didn’t used to be parents and nonparents. For most of human history, to be an adult was to help care for children. . . . We lived and worked in the constant presence of children, sharing the work of raising them. Then, as the birthrate began to go down, our familiarity with children, and our collective sense of responsibility for them, began to change.”

“Mommy Guilt is like herpes. You never really get rid of it.”

“I felt so lonely. I wanted my mom. . . . There were no friends I could call . . . . Asking another stressed-out, sleep-deprived mom to spend the night with you at the hospital was like asking to borrow a month’s salary.”

“Research shows that when their children are older and women want to return to their careers, many cannot.” (No citation offered.)

“Our lives have changed dramatically since the ‘60s, but the institutions around us - government, workplace, marriage - have not kept up. . . . [T]here aren’t enough hours in the day to do everything that is now expected of us.”

“Cruel irony. I had yearned for years to have more time with my children. Now that I finally had time; being around them was a torment. I felt as if my ears would bleed from their shrieks and happy squeals. I loved them, of course . . . but all I wanted was to lie down, alone, in profound silence.”

“The problem boils down to this: Most jobs do not accommodate people who have children. Instead, we have this unwritten, unacknowledged, and unyielding expectation that working parents will make the accommodations necessary to do their jobs as if they don’t have children.”

[Linsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Felt like I was reading about my own life!

I sped through this book and seriously couldn't put it down. Reading Katrina's story helped me look at my own struggles balancing career and parenthood with a fresh and more forgiving perspective. There were so many parallels to my own life (including the same job!) that I felt I could learn from her life lessons as if they were mine. Even if your story isn't similar to hers, there are many other stories included that I think every working parent will find much to relate to.

[Brianna Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

Way more relatable than I expected. I loved all of the statistics about motherhood, and the little articles interspersed throughout her personal story. I was happily surprised to find myself reading sections about cognitive behavioral therapy, meditation, and our nervous systems. The main story is about one woman’s journey trying to manage her dream job while also being a mom, and suggesting that there could be a better way to approach these situations. Her arguments are compelling and at the end she offers practical ways to support working moms. I loved her writing style and loved the way it read like a novel. I related so much to her experiences as a mother and it was very validating to read her perspective. I’ll definitely be checking in on my working mom friends!

[Nancy Escarzaga · Rating 2 out of 5]

I did not love this book, I thought this would be like the lean in from Sheryl Sandberg, it is kind of an attempt, but I was hoping that I will feel motivated after reading it, that the author will provide you with a solution or a happy ending, but it pretty much talks about how difficult is to be a working mom which I already know is my daily life and dramas. I did not need more dramas I am looking for a solution. It seems like a long blog post to me.

[Memory Morgan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic! This rings so true in my life and, I have to doubt, the lives of most working moms in this country. Every husband/boyfriend/baby-Daddy needs to read this so they can understand how very close to the brink we actually are. And every single politician that plays a part in new laws as well. This has made me feel better about the countless times I have doubted my own abilities (and sanity) trying to juggle the impossible.