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A Stranger to Self-Hatred: A Glimpse of Jesus
1982 DIMENSION BOOKS SOFTCOVER
126 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1981
170 people are currently reading
772 people want to read
About the author
Brennan Manning
73 books915 followersRichard Francis Xavier Manning, known as Brennan Manning (April 27, 1934 – April 12, 2013) was an American author, friar, priest, contemplative and speaker.Born and raised in Depression-era New York City, Manning finished high school, enlisted in the US Marine Corps, and fought in the Korean War. After returning to the United States, he enrolled at Saint Francis University in Loretto, Pennsylvania. Upon his graduation from the seminary in 1963, Manning was ordained a Franciscan priest.[2]
In the late 1960s, Manning joined the Little Brothers of Jesus of Charles de Foucauld, a religious institute committed to an uncloistered, contemplative life among the poor. Manning transported water via donkey, worked as a mason's assistant and a dishwasher in France, was imprisoned (by choice) in Switzerland, and spent six months in a remote cave somewhere in the Zaragoza desert. In the 1970s, Manning returned to the United States and began writing after confronting his alcoholism.
In the late 1960s, Manning joined the Little Brothers of Jesus of Charles de Foucauld, a religious institute committed to an uncloistered, contemplative life among the poor. Manning transported water via donkey, worked as a mason's assistant and a dishwasher in France, was imprisoned (by choice) in Switzerland, and spent six months in a remote cave somewhere in the Zaragoza desert. In the 1970s, Manning returned to the United States and began writing after confronting his alcoholism.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 42 reviews
October 11, 2011
This book is a page turner. Much of Christianity teaches us to hate ourselves, Manning says. He illustrates the point by citing examples of how many leaders and teachers contribute to a legalistic concept of morality that endows God with the human attributes of vengeance and rejection. Consequently, God has become "an exacting lawgiver, a stern taskmaster," and "the force of the gospel message [is] distorted into something basically threatening."
The former Franciscan uses Bible stories to demonstrate Jesus' compassion and how a loving God really is versus how we have come to perceive him. Manning asks, "What would the church be like if we erred from an excess of compassion rather than from a stingy and legalistic lack of it?" One outcome, he says, would be more people in church. We cannot, however, be compassionate toward others until we are compassionate toward ourselves and that only comes from a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It is Jesus and Jesus alone that teaches us to love ourselves and enables us to put down the critical eye towards others and begin loving them as the Savior loves us.
The former Franciscan uses Bible stories to demonstrate Jesus' compassion and how a loving God really is versus how we have come to perceive him. Manning asks, "What would the church be like if we erred from an excess of compassion rather than from a stingy and legalistic lack of it?" One outcome, he says, would be more people in church. We cannot, however, be compassionate toward others until we are compassionate toward ourselves and that only comes from a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It is Jesus and Jesus alone that teaches us to love ourselves and enables us to put down the critical eye towards others and begin loving them as the Savior loves us.
December 20, 2016
Reading this book was a wonderful experience for me of going deeper in my faith, and examining some of the buried assumptions and habits of thought that have lodged in my soul. Manning is just the man to serve as a guide in such a journey. Here's a quote, taken from the last pages of this book: "On the day that I began this manuscript a friend advised, "Write your book as if you were going to die the day it's published," A melodramatic flourish, no doubt; but in the waning sunlight of the winter solstice, I'm struck by the lateness of the hour, the paramount importance of truth-telling, and the urgency of personal integrity. Within these pages is a glimpse of the Jesus of my life--dreamer and storyteller, parable of the Father, servant, friend, Savior, and stranger to self-hatred. Made me love Jesus more than I did before reading the book.
January 28, 2015
I always love how God uses something I am reading in my daily life. In this case, Manning's comments about the church needing to be a place of transparency where everyone is honest about themselves and where grace abounds was timely in dealing with an issue with a fellow believer. It seemed that as more grace was shown to this person, more transparency was provided which was exactly what was needed to guide this person towards restorative steps. We gave grace instead of shame and isn't that what Christ gave each of us?! Unfortunately, as Manning points out, churches are often places where we put on masks and pretend to be better than we are, causing us to look down on other attenders when they fall instead of being right there with them, acknowledging our own failures, and guiding each other to growth.
May 10, 2025
A very dense, philosophical, and convicting read. Manning is the KING of tough love, so while I enjoyed his scathing criticisms of legalism and harmful Christians, I was also on the receiving end for my own warped views of Jesus. Can’t remember the last time I dog-eared so many pages.
July 19, 2020
Simple, profound, and full of winsome reminders that Jesus loves us and we can love ourselves.
April 13, 2021
Meaning is one of the authors I have very high standards for. This book was only okay. Not sure if it's the book or the brain space I am in.
September 2, 2014
"It takes a profound conversion to accept the belief that God is tender and loves us just as we are, not in spite of our sins and faults, but with them. We cannot even stand or accept love from another human being when we do not love ourselves, much less believe or accept that God could possibly love us." -- Jesuit Bernard Bush
"I hope it is clear that feelings of guilt, accompanied by anxiety, fear and restlessness, arise from deep within ourselves and are not an accurate gauge of the state of our souls before God." - Bernard Bush
"The perfectionist in the spiritual life is locked into the saint-or-sinner syndrome, tyrannized by an all-or-nothing mentality. Compulsive and constant moralistic self-evaluation precludes the serene acceptance of his poverty before God."
"Spiritual shame may come as a tremor after a close encounter with God, but unhealthy shame is a godless shame. Undeserved shame may come from religion, but it only gets in God's way. Religion without grace can tie shame around our souls like a choke chain and never offers relief. The pain we feel is not even a distant cousin to spiritual shame." - Lewis Smedes
"Jesus, a man like us in all things but ungratefulness, our brother who never knew sin, estranges us from self-hatred through a love that keeps no score of wrongs and a mercy that surpasses human understanding. In the eyes of the Master whom we have failed, we detect the infinite compassion of the Father and see revealed, in Jesus, the human face of God."
"the savior knows that we have failures, even when we have committed ourselves to him. The savior redeems us from all personal failure by telling his followers that in spite of our sin we have value in the eyes of God the Father. A new possibility exists. We can be more than we are at any one moment, we can always bring some sense of goodness to the fore and come closer to living the way that will bring us peace. Even in the midst of personal failure the one who has been saved knows that he or she is still precious in the eyes of God, of Jesus and of his holy community. The one who has been saved knows no sense of isolation. Jesus is the friend who will never fail, the faithful one who will never be lacking in fidelity, even when people are unfaithful to him." --John O'Grady
"His contagious joy in the lavish, gratuitous, and indiscriminate love of his heavenly Father infected and liberated his listeners. If Jesus sat at your dining-room table tonight with full knowledge of everything you are and are not, if he laid out your whole life-story, with the hidden agenda and the dark desires known even to yourself, it would still be impossible to be saddened in his presence." --Edward Schillebeeckx
"This is the Christ of my own interiority, the Deliverer of self-hatred through love. At a dinner in the home of Simon the Pharisee, the unnamed sinful woman was awed by the loveliness and compassion that streamed from Jesus' face. His eyes called out to her, 'Come to me. Come now. Don't wait until you have your act cleaned up and your head on straight. Don't delay until you think you are properly disposed and free of pride and lust, jealousy and self-hatred. Come to me in your brokenness and sinfulness, with all your fears and insecurities, and I will comfort you. I will come to you right where you live and love you just the way you are, and not the way you think you should be.'"
March 17, 2016
This is s great book I don't know how many sentences I have highlights on this book and of course quoted and considered as one of the great parts of the book here are some parts that i have copied and highlighted:
"There is more power in sharing our weaknesses than in sharing our strengths"
“The all-surpassing love of God makes itself felt in the acceptance of human beings by each other, in the dismantling of prejudices and social barriers, in new unrestricted communication among men, in brotherly warmth and the sharing of sadness and joy."
"At last, Jesus is saying —finally someone who understands me and what I want to be for my people: a Savior of boundless compassion, unbearable forgiveness, infinite patience, and healing love."
"Remember the day that Jesus healed the centurion’s servant? The military man falls down and says, “Sir, I am not worthy to have you enter under my roof. Just give an order and my boy will get better.” But the most revealing line in that story, according to Matthew, is that “Jesus was astonished.” He spun round and cried out, “I tell you solemnly, nowhere in Israel have I found faith like
this." At last, Jesus is saying —finally someone who understands me and what I want to be for my people: a Savior of boundless compassion, unbearable forgiveness, infinite patience, and healing love."
" There is simply no sense in trumpeting the lordship of Jesus if his attitudes, values, and behavior are not recognizable in our lives."
"Servant-hood is not an emotion or mood or feeling; it’s a decision to live the life of Jesus. It has nothing to do with what we feel; it has everything to do with what we do— humble service."
“In Jesus the goodness outweighed the evil that surrounded him. Sinners are always welcome; tax collectors, prostitutes and anyone else who feels left out can find company with Jesus as the forgiving savior. … [N]o one was excluded; no one need feel left out.”
" If a man who was rich enough in this world’s goods saw that one of his brothers was in need, but closed his heart to him, how could the love of God be living in him? My children, our love is not to be just words or mere talk, but something real and active."
This is a great book and definitely worth reading. Unlike the other books that I've read this book shows me a real glimpse of Jesus. Though I feel kinda sad because I haven't copied and my favorite part about compassionate here, but any ways great book.
"There is more power in sharing our weaknesses than in sharing our strengths"
“The all-surpassing love of God makes itself felt in the acceptance of human beings by each other, in the dismantling of prejudices and social barriers, in new unrestricted communication among men, in brotherly warmth and the sharing of sadness and joy."
"At last, Jesus is saying —finally someone who understands me and what I want to be for my people: a Savior of boundless compassion, unbearable forgiveness, infinite patience, and healing love."
"Remember the day that Jesus healed the centurion’s servant? The military man falls down and says, “Sir, I am not worthy to have you enter under my roof. Just give an order and my boy will get better.” But the most revealing line in that story, according to Matthew, is that “Jesus was astonished.” He spun round and cried out, “I tell you solemnly, nowhere in Israel have I found faith like
this." At last, Jesus is saying —finally someone who understands me and what I want to be for my people: a Savior of boundless compassion, unbearable forgiveness, infinite patience, and healing love."
" There is simply no sense in trumpeting the lordship of Jesus if his attitudes, values, and behavior are not recognizable in our lives."
"Servant-hood is not an emotion or mood or feeling; it’s a decision to live the life of Jesus. It has nothing to do with what we feel; it has everything to do with what we do— humble service."
“In Jesus the goodness outweighed the evil that surrounded him. Sinners are always welcome; tax collectors, prostitutes and anyone else who feels left out can find company with Jesus as the forgiving savior. … [N]o one was excluded; no one need feel left out.”
" If a man who was rich enough in this world’s goods saw that one of his brothers was in need, but closed his heart to him, how could the love of God be living in him? My children, our love is not to be just words or mere talk, but something real and active."
This is a great book and definitely worth reading. Unlike the other books that I've read this book shows me a real glimpse of Jesus. Though I feel kinda sad because I haven't copied and my favorite part about compassionate here, but any ways great book.
August 14, 2009
Classic Brennan, if a bit more raw and real than ever. I almost always like Manning's work, and I did really appreciate Brennan's honest insights into the struggle to overcome self-consciousness, "unhealthy guilt" and to live a life of true integrity.
"The mature Christian harmoniously integrate hers faith, intellect, and feelings in consistent and fairly predictable behavior patterns. The sense of serenity that springs from this internal continuity is self -acceptance. The need for approval and the hunger for human respect diminish in proportion to our integrity."
To show where he's going with that I'll include one more qt.
"When the Crucified One says,"I'm dying to be with you" and then whispers, "Will you die a little to be with me?" my sluggish spirit is stirred (unfortunately not always) to prefer the pleasure of his company to whatever trinket of creation is mesmerizing me at the moment. Thus the attitude of self-acceptance is not essentially self-centered. It is radically relational. It is not self-regarding but Christ-oriented. The spurious self-contentment that evolves from scrupulous self-examination, rigorous mortification, and the anxious endeavor to achieve purity of heart is bogus spirituality, the counterfeit coin of Christian integrity. As Jesus' unparalleled authenticity and inner serenity were rooted in his Father's good pleasure, so Christian self-acceptance is rooted in the conscious and experiential affirmation of Jesus in our struggle to be faithful."
This represents the flavor of the book. If this reflects your struggle, I think you'll enjoy it. If you like Manning in general, you'll probably like it. If you're looking for something revolutionary, pass.
"The mature Christian harmoniously integrate hers faith, intellect, and feelings in consistent and fairly predictable behavior patterns. The sense of serenity that springs from this internal continuity is self -acceptance. The need for approval and the hunger for human respect diminish in proportion to our integrity."
To show where he's going with that I'll include one more qt.
"When the Crucified One says,"I'm dying to be with you" and then whispers, "Will you die a little to be with me?" my sluggish spirit is stirred (unfortunately not always) to prefer the pleasure of his company to whatever trinket of creation is mesmerizing me at the moment. Thus the attitude of self-acceptance is not essentially self-centered. It is radically relational. It is not self-regarding but Christ-oriented. The spurious self-contentment that evolves from scrupulous self-examination, rigorous mortification, and the anxious endeavor to achieve purity of heart is bogus spirituality, the counterfeit coin of Christian integrity. As Jesus' unparalleled authenticity and inner serenity were rooted in his Father's good pleasure, so Christian self-acceptance is rooted in the conscious and experiential affirmation of Jesus in our struggle to be faithful."
This represents the flavor of the book. If this reflects your struggle, I think you'll enjoy it. If you like Manning in general, you'll probably like it. If you're looking for something revolutionary, pass.
March 11, 2016
Brennan mentions he is an Introvert, Something that I really could connect with in his thoughts on Self-Hatred and so to say yes to self Hatred. I have been there so many times as Brennan describes this well-beaten path. But through this book Brennan constantly reminds the reader that no matter what our mental or emotional state is at any given moment in our lives, it has absolutely no effect on our relationship with our Father in Heaven. We may feel far away from Him or even ashamed to look on our heavenly father. But realizing my Father in heaven still loves me the same no matter what state I am current in, is remarkable. I think a person always knows that intellectually even by reading those words of scripture of the Fathers love, but to experience it during those times whether in a trial of life or some other self-inflicted trial, Brennan that my relationship is NOT hindered at all with my father in Heaven is so reassuring, realizing that moment by moment really does help not loosing hope during those intense, and desperate times.
For Introverts it is a good read. To really grasp the position we have in Christ, true examples of what a father child relationship is. Brennan explains that quite well. I will probably read this book again.
For Introverts it is a good read. To really grasp the position we have in Christ, true examples of what a father child relationship is. Brennan explains that quite well. I will probably read this book again.
June 10, 2008
Warning: Read at your own risk.
Things in here might lead to brokenness and a reality that Grace is True and Real, and you dont have to do anything to earn it. You are, as my friend Buzzy puts it, on God's fridge. He truely wants you to be free from the bondage and the self-hatrid that hides in the "spiritual" actions of your life.
Things in here might lead to brokenness and a reality that Grace is True and Real, and you dont have to do anything to earn it. You are, as my friend Buzzy puts it, on God's fridge. He truely wants you to be free from the bondage and the self-hatrid that hides in the "spiritual" actions of your life.
July 18, 2010
this book puts into simple loving language that awesome fact that Jesus Loves from a pure simple way. He is not looking at our faults, we do that enough, nor does he find fault with us at all.
He just wants to be our friend and make us a stranger to self hatred.
Very well researched book and has alot of quotes from some of the old masters...
He just wants to be our friend and make us a stranger to self hatred.
Very well researched book and has alot of quotes from some of the old masters...
November 8, 2007
Brennan Manning is an exceptional writer. He has a way of re-telling the Story that captivates and challenges. I would especially recommend this book to anyone who struggles with issues of confidence and worth.
September 11, 2009
Refreshing! Good to think about how much God loves us. "The great turning point in your life comes not when you realize that you love God but when you realize and fully accept the fact that God loves you unconditionally."
May 25, 2008
Gave me my faith back
May 26, 2011
A great book to own to read over and over...
May 9, 2013
I should read this a month for at least a year! It is worth poring over again and again.
February 3, 2014
Compassion. Compassion. Compassion. Compassion.
Changed the way I see myself and the world... Mmmm.
Changed the way I see myself and the world... Mmmm.
August 26, 2007
Short and well written book on self image.
Read
March 11, 2012Important book. Read it.
May 18, 2024
I appreciated the heart of the book and the main points Manning was trying to communicate. For alot of people, these points are potentially new and a salve on long-term wounds. I think because I’ve heard the same kinds of points in other forms from other voices over the years, it didn’t move me as profoundly. It probably doesn’t help that on occasion my brain was critiquing some of his theology rather than just trying to resonate with the message within. The writing style was easy enough to follow and occasionally beautiful.
April 22, 2023
I love Brennan so much. In this his writing seems very unpolished to the point that it's almost difficult to follow, but his endnote about the liberty he took as an old man to let his heart and language be what they are accounts, I suppose, for that. There are some real gems here worth digging for, so if you do read it, allow yourself the grace to skim as needed so that you make it to the diving-deeper places.
February 13, 2025
The final chapter of this book makes the whole thing worth the read. Compassion. Brennan manning was not your average run of the mill Christian. He was an alcoholic who understood that we are all guilty, that we don’t lead with love, and that we need to do better. That we leave the judgement of God to God and we just love people for who they are and what they are. Community is the campfire by which we congregate to better ourselves.
March 29, 2018
The chapter on Deliverance Through Storytelling is worth the price of the book. How important parables are to our healing, food for our soul to chew on. The battle against self hatred is to let these stories sink in, imperceptibly, slowly until the light bulb goes on. Manning has a way of retelling a story that helps me do that.
June 1, 2022
Been a Christian for a long time but this truly made me understand and only begin to comprehend God’s uncomprehendable love for us. You feel like you can accept Jesus a lot easier and find it easier to turn to him after reading this. Recommend reading if you struggle with self-worth, overthinking and identity issues.
August 23, 2018
In pure Brennan Manning style, the author describes the self-loathing that is killing the spirit of Christians. Reading it was like someone authoring a documentary of the struggles of my inner life. Definitely a life changing read.
October 29, 2020
This book was phenomenal. Not only is the combination of story and reflection so beautifully weaved together, this book painted an amazing picture of the heart of Jesus which truly brought healing and refreshment to me. Highly recommended!
August 3, 2023
Recency Bias is probably affecting me, but this might be the best thing I've ever read. At a minimum, it's the best synthesis of Jesus's ministry that I've come across. This is a book that I'll probably read once a year from now on.
July 3, 2017
Another amazing read by the Saint Brennan Manning!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 42 reviews