Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha

by Tara Brach

For many of us, feelings of deficiency are right around the corner. It doesn’t take much--just hearing of someone else’s accomplishments, being criticized, getting into an argument, making a mistake at work--to make us feel that we are not okay. Beginning to understand how our lives have become ensnared in this trance of unworthiness is our first step toward reconnecting with who we really are and what it means to live fully.
--from Radical Acceptance

Radical Acceptance

“Believing that something is wrong with us is a deep and tenacious suffering,” says Tara Brach at the start of this illuminating book. This suffering emerges in crippling self-judgments and conflicts in our relationships, in addictions and perfectionism, in loneliness and overwork--all the forces that keep our lives constricted and unfulfilled. Radical Acceptance offers a path to freedom, including the day-to-day practical guidance developed over Dr. Brach’s twenty years of work with therapy clients and Buddhist students.

Writing with great warmth and clarity, Tara Brach brings her teachings alive through personal stories and case histories, fresh interpretations of Buddhist tales, and guided meditations. Step by step, she leads us to trust our innate goodness, showing how we can develop the balance of clear-sightedness and compassion that is the essence of Radical Acceptance. Radical Acceptance does not mean self-indulgence or passivity. Instead it empowers genuine change: healing fear and shame and helping to build loving, authentic relationships. When we stop being at war with ourselves, we are free to live fully every precious moment of our lives.


From the Hardcover edition.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Spirituality, Psychology, Buddhism, Philosophy, Audiobook

333 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2000

About the author

Tara Brach is a leading western teacher of Buddhist meditation, emotional healing and spiritual awakening. She has practiced and taught meditation for over 40 years, with an emphasis on vipassana (mindfulness or insight) meditation. Tara is the senior teacher and founder of the Insight Meditation Community of Washington. A clinical psychologist, Tara is the author of Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha, True Refuge: Finding Peace & Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart and Radical Compassion: Learning to Love Yourself and Your World with the Practice of R.A.I.N. (Viking, Dec. 31, 2019).

Tara is nationally known for her skill in weaving western psychological wisdom with a range of meditative practices. Her approach emphasizes compassion for oneself and others, mindful presence and the direct realization and embodiment of natural awareness.

Reviews

[Thomas · Rating 4 out of 5]

How do we cope with unbearable pain? We drink, we eat, we smoke. We turn to our iPhones or our Facebook feeds or our video games. We lash out at ourselves or others. But what if instead of searching for external solutions, we learned how to cope with our pain - just by being with it? In her book Radical Acceptance, clinical psychologist and teacher of meditation Tara Brach urges us to do just that: accept ourselves and our pain, so we can treat ourselves with the care and kindness we deserve.

Radical acceptance may sound flimsy, but Brach makes sure to combat stereotypes about mindfulness and meditation. Radical acceptance does not mean giving up or sinking into passivity. Rather, it means giving ourselves the time and space to pause and to understand each moment, so our actions can reflect our compassion for the world, not just our emotional reactivity. Brach integrates some scientific theory as well as thoughts about medication in her book to enhance its holistic nature.

I have struggled with accepting the pain in my life. My eating disorder from years ago served as a way to deal with the pain of my abusive parents. If only I had had the resources to accept and validate my pain, as opposed to fighting it. Even now, I sometimes face concerns about my potential as a psychologist, as a writer. But through radical acceptance, general mindfulness, and Tara Brach's shining example of vulnerability, I know that it is never too late to apply love and tenderness to myself, so I can reclaim my confidence and thrive.

I would recommend Radical Acceptance to anyone interested in learning to affirm their emotions and tolerate their pain, both mental and physical. While a little light on scientific theory, Brach does a wonderful job encouraging her readers to slow down and to sit with themselves, with mindfulness and wonder. Also, if this one appeals to you, I would further recommend Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff.

[Robert · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not overly impressive, but a nice and helpful book. Brach writes a treatise on how the integration of Buddhist spirituality and meditative practices (most often based in the Theravadan traditions of vipassana and metta) can partner with western psychotherapy to assist in healing and personal development.

Intellectually it is pretty lightweight, which isn’t to say that it doesn’t package and reiterate some helpful ideas in useful ways. My biggest challenge with the book was that I couldn’t really figure out what she was trying to do: Is it a dharma book? A self-help book? An instructional book to therapists? Not that there can’t be some overlap, but it read to me as being a shallow bit of all of these without going deeply into any of them. Her “cases” are particularly weak as very quickly the recipe for them become clear (a client/patient is stuck or having some kind of intractable problem, works with Brach to integrate the cultivation of mindfulness and compassion, and presto change-o! All is well. It can also be difficult to read some of these without a touch of eye-rolling since in her descriptions of her patients post-practice often includes descriptions where they are “filled with light” “in touch with the great emptiness of awareness” etc (I’m paraphrasing).

Her breaking down of specific concepts and applying them (somewhat) systematically is helpful and for most of the book, a breezy read (I found the last few chapters that I was losing a bit of patience), and her inclusion of specific exercises and meditations connected to each concept by chapter is helpful. As, to whatever degree it is, the book has some role as a discussion and instructional guide for practitioner/therapists interested in integrating meditative practices and Buddhist spirituality into their work it would have been extremely helpful, and in my mind helped her cause of this as a serious discussion, if she had spent some focused time and energy on the challenges of doing so, some cases that didn’t go so well, places where the two traditions can seem (and maybe or maybe not be) contradictory or incompatible.

Those looking to specifically integrate mindfulness/vipassana connected traditions and practice to psychotherapy practice will find a pleasant snack here, but not a substantive meal. For a more interesting and more exploratory, and less evangelical (although no less passionate), discussion of the integration of psychotherapy (rooted mostly in psychodynamic theory) and Buddhism, try Mark Epstein’s books, “Thoughts Without a Thinker,” “Going to Pieces Without Falling Apart, “ and “Open to Desire.”

[Krishna Chaitanya · Rating 5 out of 5]

I heard about Tara Brach for the first time in the book Tools of Titans and that's how I ended up reading this wonderful book.

Radical acceptance is about accepting what life offers, as it is. That does not mean, you should be non-reactive to whatever bad comes your way, it's about becoming self-aware in tough situations, pay attention to the negative emotions within and take care of these emotions to become mindful and at peace.

At times anyone would have had a feeling of unworthiness, fear of rejection, sour to our family and friends, longing for fame, this would cause shame, distress, broken relations, reduce in productivity at work and decline in health. The author helps to resolve these problems with her personal experiences, case histories, Buddhist teachings and meditation practices. Each chapter ends with a meditation practice to let go of the negative emotion.

This book is not a quick fix to achieve mindfulness. It takes time and consistent practice of the guided meditations offered, this book will help you to get there.

[Alex Orr · Rating 2 out of 5]

To some degree, I think what you get out of this book depends on what issues you are dealing with and what brought you to the book. Like a lot of folks, I heard about Tara from Tim Ferris's podcast. I enjoyed her episode and picked up the book mostly out of curiosity. I've been meditating for about a year and have been curious about ways to try and practice greater mindfulness in my everyday life. Tara's book does offer some insight into those areas, but the primary focus of the book is more directly aimed at those suffering from some rather specific sets of emotional crises. Now, I'm not saying I'm perfect and don't have my own neuroses, but reading through the book, I rarely felt like the specific examples really applied to my life. In general, each chapter is based around a couple of extended stories about clients who Tara has worked with. I hate to sound too cynical, but after a while, they all start to blend into a very melodramatic, Freudian miasma of self-hate, childhood trauma, and parental resentment. In the end, almost every case involves Tara talking her client into a sort of hypnotic state and then the client realizing that st some point she was repressing some sort of horrible abuse fostered upon her by her parents when she was a child. Once Tara makes them realize that the abuse is not their fault, and they just need to accept the pain, they are magically cured. Never really having much in the way of self-hate, nor (to the best of my knowledge) ever having been abused by a family member as a child, all of the chapters seemed rather far from my own life. Furthermore, the way they all seemed to follow the same script seemed a bit too hard to believe. That said, if you do struggle with self-hatred due to repressed memories of child abuse, well, maybe this is the exact book you need. My other big qualm is that she never really fleshes out some of the philosophical difficulties with her idea of acceptance. It's all well and good to say that if the violent alcoholic who is forever remorseful about his alcoholism and violent behavior would just accept it and stop blaming himself then...well...what exactly? In Tara's world he'll magically stop being a violent alcoholic. But what if he simply makes peace with it and now behaves the same but without any guilt? For me, there were a few nuggets of wisdom in here, but as a whole, I found her basic notion underdeveloped and her examples to be a bit too perfectly tailored to support her central thesis to be believable.

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think the perceptions of this book are directly related to the suffering and innate self hatred that the reader possesses. When the concept of lovingkindness is absolutely foreign to you then this book can save your life.

Something I absolutely cherish about this book is kind and gentle repetition. I would read a concept and compartmentalize it as something I either had heard before, already knew, or couldn't possibly work. Then she'd reintroduce the same concept with a case study, a personal example or simply restated. Eventually even my stubborn mind was able to accept and hear the message it was trying so hard to avoid and reject.

Along those same lines the author seemed to anticipate my mental rejection of the concepts. She would directly confront rationalizations, sarcastic comments or undermining doubts in a way that clearly demonstrated she understood the problems faced by her readers.

The most profound impact that this book had was not while I was reading it but later, when I would try and become frustrated at being unable to implement it's teachings. I would chastise myself or the book or ideas and suddenly become aware that I was falling into a pattern explicitly detailed here and given instructions on how to unravel the habits I had become so used to.

That is not to imply that this book is a cure all for deep, debilitating issues but it's a really excellent introduction to thought processes and patterns that we each are so lacking -- particularly those most dramatically affected by mental disorders or severe depression / anxiety / self-hatred.

[Stephen · Rating 1 out of 5]

I like the message a lot. I've just always had an aversion to books that relate to the reader though anecdotes about patients and clients. "This lesson brings to mind my patient Daniel, who was struggling with..." every chapter is filled with these. They left me feeling like I was in a Dale Carnegie Buddhism class. That's not bad, really, but this style of writing rings inauthentic.

Brach's teaching and meditations, minus this, would have made for a better read. Many people will like her relatable anecdotes. My critique is a personal preference.

[Diane · Rating 3 out of 5]

A friend had recommended Tara Brach's work to me, and I found this book to be very insightful and meaningful. Recommended for those interested in self-compassion and mindfulness.

[Jack Hart · Rating 4 out of 5]

One sometimes runs into folks who are suspicious of Buddhism and particularly of the capacity of westerners to find solace in an allegedly Buddhist perspective. I am not a Buddhist, but have found a lot of value in meditation--and in the ethical viewpoint roughly associated with Buddhist practice.

So if the discussion comes to exchanging book titles this is the one I recommend as an introduction to what I'll roughly call a Buddhist approach to suffering. There are better books on meditation. There are better books on the Precepts--the founding concerns of Buddhist ethical life. There are better books on...Buddhist monastic life, lay life, activism, spirituality, sexuality, relation to psychotherapy, the tradition's kooks and heroes and Americanization.

But I don't think there's a better-voiced introductory book on the practical value of cultivating a Buddhist frame of mind in relation to suffering and what she calls "the trances" of everyday life. The first time an American from what is most likely a Christian background picks up a Buddhisty book it's likely to be pretty scary. Tara Brach seems to get that, and to address such seekers in an inviting and heart-opening way.

One of the things I like about this book is the many sources it draws on. It is personal, telling, for example, of joining an ashram and having a falling out with its leader, of a divorce, of difficulties in raising her son. It draws on her professional work, relating stories of exchanges that, as a psychotherapist, she has had with her clients. And most of all it is literary, skillfully so. She retells and interprets stories from the tradition, as well as anecdotes from contemporary American life, all to the end of introducing the outlines of a kind of consciousness she calls "Radical Acceptance."

There is a two star review by Robert who calls the book "pretty lightweight." I think I can see where he's coming from, although the way that I'd put it is that this book is highly syncretic. Robert damns the book's stylistic achievement with faint praise calling it "a breezy read." Here I would disagree. It does go down easy, but the "it" that goes down is a broad, passionate, intelligent, practical introduction to a rich spiritual tradition about which there is a growing curiosity.

[Caterina · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book offers much more than it first seems to. From introducing the Buddhist practice of mindfulness as applied to difficult experiences, it deepens and opens out into practices of radical compassion for oneself and others - radical lovingkindness. Working & practicing my way through this book very slowly over four months' time has been a tremendous gift. Tara Brach begins by teaching a new way of approaching emotionally intolerable situations - being overwhelmed and practically nonfunctional because of physical manifestations of anxiety, fear, desire, melancholy, depression, anger, embarrassment, as well as by a sense of unworthiness, guilt or shame. She delves into situations of interpersonal conflict, loss, grief, and learning to forgive when forgiveness seems impossible.

The practice begins centered in the self and slowly shifts over time to an outward focused, selfless practice of awareness and compassion. It begins by pausing, stepping back, and becoming fully aware of everything that is going on within and around oneself; and then regarding oneself and these experiences gently and without immediate judgment. With clear seeing and "radical acceptance" the situation and my own emotions may still exist but they are no longer completely disabling and in fact it might even be possible to appreciate them. I honestly do not always want to get rid of my sometimes intolerably intense emotions and responses to things because, as an artist, they form the fuel for the power and intensity of my art. But still, it can be hard to live with them in relationships as well as by myself. And - as the practice develops, lo and behold it becomes possible to shift from focus on oneself to focus on others, lovingkindness for others. To learn to live with in peace with myself and others - at least more of the time - is an indescribable blessing.

This is also a lovely book, filled with poetry by Rumi, Rilke and others. Tara Brach is quite vulnerable in sharing her personal stories, which may or may not appeal to everyone, but you do not have to have a story line similar to hers to appreciate the teachings. I have tagged many passages and poems to return to.

I first reviewed this book when I had only read it halfway through (twice) and thought I "got" it - but don't stop when you're halfway through, because the book is structured to deepen and expand as it goes along, building on previous knowledge, and the second half focuses most strongly on the practices of lovingkindness and is very worthwhile.

[Natalie · Rating 3 out of 5]

So I don't usually read self-help books. At all. I kinda hate them. And I don't usually read hippy dippy Buddhist stuff either, because I get too scoffy.

When I started this one, I almost didn't go past the first chapter, because it was not really resonating with me at all. And parts of the book (like the closing chapter on discovering our true essence and realizing we are nothing but awareness..... super hippy dippy) totally fell flat.

But there were a few key sections, and really the overarching concept, that were just so useful and important and applicable. I liked a lot how she used real life anecdotes about people applying these concepts to their own challenges.

I particularly appreciated the chapter on how to accept fear and the accompanying meditation guide for how to work through fear to a place of acceptance and power. It is a skill set I need to develop in a bad way before I go through childbirth in a few months. :)

I'm also on a somewhat hippy-dippy "journey" in general to reshape/revitalize my spirituality which I thought had been permanently killed and buried, and which I'm really enjoying being able to connect with in new ways. And reading about different spiritual experiences people have with these meditation techniques, and feeling the familiarity of it all from when I used to pray on my knees to Jesus, really reawakened a desire to use that part of myself.

I was gonna give it 4 stars, but there were some random, subtle hints of misogyny (totally random calling of one woman a bitch, and a few little diatribes about how uncaring mothers can emotionally fuck up their children for life). Disappointing to see those in here in a couple of spots, but not enough to eliminate the usefulness of a 300-page book.

[Martha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kripalu Yoga is primarily a practice of compassion, and this book is it's perfect companion. The foundation of all yoga practice is acceptance, and it begins with ourselves. Feelings of deficiency are common to all of us. Being criticized, making mistakes, and experiencing relationship difficulties, all can make us feel unworthy. Our human suffering and our loneliness keep us from feeling fulfilled. Recognizing how we become trapped by these feelings is the first step in reconnecting with who we really are: perfect beings. Through personal stories, case histories and guided meditations, Ms Brach brings her teachings alive, showing her readers how to transcend their day-to-day existence to arrive at a sense of clearsightedness and acceptance of who they are in every moment of their lives. Based in Buddhist teachings, we awaken to our experience exactly as it is, and find the joy that is our birthright. This is a book to savor and reread again and again, a place of refuge in a chaotic and jarring world.

[Sandy Plants · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found it difficult to finish this book... I found a lot of wisdom in it but I also felt frustrated with it most of the time.

My judgement is that it would have been more effective if it were half the length (or maybe a 20 page leaflet). There were just too many stories for my liking (I acknowledge that they were triggering for me: they reminded me of all the used-car-salesmen-looking pastors I used to have to listen to every Sunday growing up who used story after story to badger their point home—a form of emotional manipulation in my judgment).

Also, this isn’t anything new, it’s recycled eastern philosophy and spirituality, white-washed and repackaged for wealthy, white people (not that that’s a “bad” thing)...

I also feel a near-allergic reaction to “self-help” books written in “we” statements (eg. “When WE begin to feel our feelings, WE see our true self blah blah blah”). I judge it to be emotionally coercive and passive and my want is for everyone to own their judgements and wants and beliefs—ESPECIALLY “spiritual” teachers!—by switching to “I” statements (eg. “My judgement/belief is that when I begin to feel my feelings, I see my true self”).

I realized very early on that so many of the shitty, unhelpful therapists I saw in my twenties had read this book and adopted a quasi-understanding of it (in my judgement). I found it really unhelpful and destructive then and now, though now that I’ve read this book, I understand the heart of what they intended. Unfortunately they seemed to have used it as a way of denying and disregarding my feelings, which, I judge to be NOT the aim of this book...

So, it’s fair to say this was a sore spot for me—it triggered me and because of that, I found it hard to appreciate and enjoy it—I feel disappointed 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Lavonne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have tried twice to read the Power of Now, and could never quite grasp what all the fuss was about. This book, Radical Acceptance, delivered the insights that I was supposed to get from the other book. It is basically talking about the same subjects, but Tara Brach brings a humanity to her approach that is sadly missing in Power of Now.

She has been persuing a spiritual path for many years and speaks with knowledge and compasison. Yet, she admits that when she is continuously approached by a difficult student or her son misses the bus and has to be rushed to school, she sometimes gets caught up in the anxieties and difficulties of just living life. Again and again, it is mentioned that she has to keep reminding herself of her spirituality.

I love that humanness. It makes me feel that I can do this, too. After all, who has five months to sit on a park bench and contemplate life? Most of us have to continue to deal with life, regardless of what spiritual path we are on. Tara Brach shows one way that you can do both.

[Heather Delia · Rating 1 out of 5]

I disliked this book enough to stop reading it with 75 pages left to go. No compelling reason to finish it. The meditations were nice, if someone were reading them...but you can't read it and meditate at the same time. I found the book to be very repetitive and somewhat annoying.

[Ellen · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful book on accepting one's self and life exactly as they are (thus creating the possibility of change). Brach provides many wonderful meditations which I've already begun using and find very helpful.

The writing is clear and warm and easy to follow. It would be a fast read if there weren't so much to pay attention to. I was also slowed up because I stopped to use her different suggestions.

I also enjoyed her use of the examples of other people and their struggles (as well as their successes) and her sharing of her own personal experiences. They created a personal connection to her work that otherwise might have felt more distant and abstract. Her examples both drew me in emotionally and provided more understanding of how to use her suggestions.

This is a book I will continue to study. I can't wait to read another of her works. I felt like I found a friend here, a companion on my own spiritual journey.

[Donna Kirk]

about recognizing, with compassion, your own weaknesses and in the end, finding room to accept them and treat them with love; in effect, healing yourself.

It's like going over to a suffering plant in a garden and tending to it with care, feeding the soil, doing away with pests, giving it compost, sunlight, water; is, metaphorically, how this book suggests we deal with our own fragile, deeply human lives -- that by encouraging our friends and families to take care of themselves the same way, we collectively reach a higher state of health, freedom and, ultimately, justice. The actual book review says more on this, too.

[Ross Beck-MacNeil · Rating 1 out of 5]

(Read as audio book)

What is it about?
Paying attention to your thoughts, emotions and body in order to overcome issues

What did I think?
I didn't finish this book. I got half way through before stopping. I found it too long. 12 hours on audiobook. It might have been a 3 or 4 star book if it was half the length. A lot of neo-spiritual Buddhist claptrap, but some decent takeaways. I am going to avoid this sort of book in the future.

[Michelle · Rating 2 out of 5]

If I pause and accept any more radically than I have come to realize I do, my husband will divorce me and my kids will starve.

[Joe Rumbo · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've only read the previous edition, but I am here to tell you that Brach brings a message that is welcome tonic to the soul of anyone who has ever felt inadequate or unworthy for any reason. Usually these reasons have to do with culturally defined standards and ideals that no person can ever live up to fully. Brach skillfully weaves these influences together with psychological and Christianity-based explanations of how we live our lives in the 'trance of unworthiness,' and how we can move beyond it. It's all about accepting yourself, of discovering and treasuring the unique goodness within you, and of training ourselves to see these qualities in other people. Book offers guided meditations at the end of each chapter to help the reader work on the principles and living practices that chapter discusses.

[Kathryn · Rating 2 out of 5]

Full marks for the gist and low marks for the execution. A little too self-helpy and over-written, yet the idea of bringing radical acceptance/compassion to ourselves and others is pretty much the only hope for emotional sanity in this world. But for content, economy, and grace, I'm finding Ezra Bayda's "Being Zen" to be a huge improvement. Let's just say Bayda's book is going on my shelves when I'm done. Brach's book is going to half.com.

[Caterina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Radical acceptance was suggested to me by my therapist, and since I’ve started listening to the audiobook, I’ve gone back to parts of it over and over. It's been enlightening more than any other self-help book I’ve read (which are not many, to be fair).

I'm not particularly spiritual, or good at sitting still and meditating. But, since I've been listening to this book, I've made more efforts throughout the day to hold a caring thought to my body and myself, especially in the moments in which I don't feel great about things. If it hasn't opened the gates of happiness, it definitely has helped in making me realize I spend way too much time running away from negative thoughts, and trying to distract myself with ephemeral things, rather than facing them.

The main message of the book is quite simple, but extremely important: many people in modern society, if not almost everyone, deep down feels a feeling of unworthiness, that we’re not enough to be loved the way we are. We keep attacking ourselves, and criticizing ourselves, treating ourselves with little kindness. We’re trapped in feelings of shame and guilt: we do not deserve to be happy, but all we look for is to be loved, to feel whole and happy.

Here is were radical acceptance comes to play: instead of running away from bad feelings, one has to look them in the eyes, to acknowledge them, to feel them. Rather than running away from the pain, one should hold its hands, and eventually she’ll go away on its own. Meeting sadness or pain as a part of life and existence, the way of the Buddha, rather than something to be run away form. A way in which one can hold on to this is through a body scan: once an unpleasant feeling starts to arise in the body, in the stomach, in the head or chest, that can be used as an anchor to understand what we’re feeling.

Once the suffering has been detected and acknowledged, the stage of compassion can initiate: instead of shoving the pain away, instead of feeling ashamed for suffering, the pain can be soothed by a deep compassion for oneself, a taking care of your own wounds.

We all commit mistakes, we all feel shame and guilt. But the first stage towards finding others’ forgiveness is accepting the pain, and feeling compassion for oneself.

It’s important to not confuse the acceptance of pain with playing victim, being resigned to suffer and giving in. That is not what radical acceptance should be about, according to TB: radical acceptance is a process that frees the mind from the anxieties, confusion and restlessness that negative emotions may arise, and in this way it creates space for the mind to see clearly, to engage in more thoughtful actions.

[Jeremy Cox · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was a little over half way when I gave up. The book is full of emotional anecdotes, none of which make the case for the veracity of meditation. It is frustrating for me when books use vague meaningless statements to convey a central message. For instance, instructing someone to "let go of fear", sounds nice and a good result, but is not an action one can simply follow.

[Jordan · Rating 1 out of 5]

this is a great book if you're into hippie white woman yoga instructors who like appropriating Asian religion to justify all the hoo-ha nonsense of her Namaste life

[Iryna · Rating 3 out of 5]

I came across this books couple times in different recomendations and decided to check it out, however now I think it was a bad timing for me to pick it up as it didn't resonate with me at this point of my life. Having said this I would say that there is something in this book for everyone as themes in chapters differ. If I would have to call out one thing that made this book interesting for me is the social aspect of spiritual practices on the East in comaprison to West.

[Audwee Black · Rating 5 out of 5]

really resonated with me!

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been studying Buddhism since I went to India in 2006 to learn from Geshe Sonam Rinchen at the Tibetan Library and Archives in Dharmasala, India, and with the Dalai Lama at a mass teaching. Translating a religion from one culture to another is an immense task, and one that has been happening seriously for Buddhism the only in the last fifty years or so.

I first came to Buddhism because I was raised by an atheist and a new ager, and wanted to be part of an organized religion but felt uncomfortable with God and the Bible. Yet as much as I loved Buddhist philosophy, the spiritual communities that have sprung up around it here in the US can be difficult to navigate. The intense hierarchy of a collectivist based culture such as Tibet translates poorly into the individualistic one of the West, and both teachers and students here can easily loose their way. I was able to scratch the surface, but there was much that was lost on me. With our American drive for excellence and superiority, it's easy to be pretentious and competitive in one's quest for spiritual understanding, and all I can say for myself is that I'm very glad I am open to being mistaken.

Western teachers such as Tara Brach are vitally important in this work of culturally translating Buddhism. This book brings clarification to practicing Buddhism as a westerner, and it makes sense that it is psychologists who are also practitioners that are able to be the most effective at this. Brach spells out insights for us in a way that is relatable and full of humility. Meditation isn't disconnecting into a realm apart from the self, it's about connecting with the self and riding through the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings we have until we're able to address the baggage they contain. Compassion is entwined completely with accepting oneself, warts and all, so that we can accept others as they are, warts and all. We all have Buddha-nature. Uncovering it is not the work of a moment, but a continual effort of quieting ourselves in a sea of uncertainty and hardships.

I don't know if I read this work earlier in my life if I would have gotten as much out of it as I have now. I could have easily dismissed it in my need to see myself as intellectual and discerning. Brach liberally blends lineages within both Theravada and Mahayana Buddhism, and uses the format of a self-help book. But what is spirituality but self-help? Religion and philosophy should ultimately be practical everyday ideas that help us live a better life. Buddhism strives to help us realize that we have the answers within us right now, and Brach is doing the same thing. The Dharma comes in many formats, from the Unitarian Universalist ministry I currently attend, to this book. We just have to be open to receiving it.

[Kelly]

I listened to this after Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed and they went together really nicely. Brach is a therapist, but she's also a follower of Buddhism and weaves spiritual lessons and understandings with western therapeutic practices. I was really into this -- not all of it was new to me, and in fact, not much was because of my own background in this arena -- but it became outstanding when Brach talked about why there's a false dichotomy when people assume mental health medication means you can't practice things like meditation or seek enlightenment honestly. They're not related at all.

A must-read for those who practice yoga, especially the off-the-mat stuff. No need to be Buddhist, but rather, be open to better understanding the philosophies behind it.

[Kathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

DNF 60%. I've been reading and re reading the first half of this book at least 4 times!

I have actually made a profound shift in judging myself when having heavy negative feelings usually directed at myself. I am treating this part of myself more gently and with patience. This negativity (each of us have different triggers) happens universally. And it won't ever go away. Yet in embracing it, and being fearless in facing it....it's importance starts to fizzle out.

I have also somehow figured out how to meditate within the last 12 months. This book has added to the tool box of strategies for my meditation practice! And please note, it usually is somewhere between 10 to 15 minutes per day.

Another tool Ms. Brach has given me is pausing. I find myself pausing before reacting, not often but ocassionally....it has added to the quality of my life.

I am going to stop reading this and move on to the next chapter of my life. Thank you, Tara Brach, for sharing your story and your personal growth and teachings with us.

[Mehrsa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think I should read this book every six months from now on. Such a great approach to life and thinking and meditation.

[Derek Driggs · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was good but parts of it were a bit meandering for me. I always enjoy learning about Buddhism though, and the tie-ins to therapy were helpful.