Maybe I am getting old or something, but of late, it's been hard to handle all the clutter in my thought. It's not that the clutter did not exist before. It always did. It's just that my tolerance for it has steadily been decreasing. Or maybe the coping mechanisms - cigarettes, alcohol, general and endless media consumption - I used before are things I try to refrain from these days. I have been increasingly drawn to some of the meditative practices. It's not that I dedicate a chunk of my day towards them, but I have been actively seeking for an outlet that suits my psyche and outlook.
I have been dabbling in some spirituality/philosophy, and while these disciplines offer a great world view, they don't always reconcile with the fact that I am still a part of society that is getting increasingly Orwellian and I am expected to making a living and provide within the construct of a "normal" life.
Mindfulness is a short leap, once you are on that path then.
Besides, there's something innately Indian about mindfulness. We have the legends Rushi's of yore doing their "tapasya" and being rewarded by boons and wishes by our Hindu Gods. Gautam Buddha is always central to all concepts around meditation. Yoga practices have breathing, or pranayam, at its core. Still, I haven't really seen mindfulness, in the form it has absolutely exploded globally, very prevalent in India. We do have "Pravachans", where a spiritual leader/guide/guru holds these gatherings where he/she imparts wisdom and means and ways to conduct oneself in life. These, again, do not suit me. For one, they feel like doctrines, or at least instruction manuals, more than an approach to sorting out your thinking. Second, these are mass gatherings, a setting I am inherently not very fond of. And third, a lot of these end up having religious, or worst, mystical inclinations. Sure, religious pravachans serve the same purpose for a lot of folks that I am trying to achieve through meditations. But religion inherently has several trappings that I absolutely do not want to indulge in. Because of all this, mindfulness in India itself is not all that prevalent. Maybe because most people really don't have time to be mindful. Sadhguru put this very succinctly when he said, and I am paraphrasing here, that poor people in India (as compared to western way of life where people keep chasing stuff) do not worry, because they have nothing to worry about.
The background aside, meditation, mindfulness, was something I was keen on practicing. I just didn't quite know how. Then this course popped up on Audible. Nothing to lose, I thought and dove in.
Well, it didn't give insights that blew my mind away. But Mark Muesse did get me to sit and meditate for 5 minutes in a guided way. It helped. I have tried sitting still and meditating before. Sometimes I have been able to focus, and most times I have been distracted the way Muesse predicted I would be. But trying out meditation, perhaps in the middle of an audio book, when mentally I was fully committed to it, when there were a few "guided" exercises, really helped me commit to it. That little bit, made all the difference.
I have practiced even guided meditation before. I used go to a yoga center in my school days, when there was a guru who would guide the breathing exercises. But I was a young lad, and I used to challenge myself to holding my breath when instructions were given. So I would breathe in only every other time when the instruction to breathe-in was given. Then every third time. There is no mindfulness involved here. More of challenge accepted thing going on.
So there was definite value in this course. There's a fair amount of instruction as well, especially on how to be mindful in daily facets of life. There are anecdotes and stories to take the point home. That is distinctly "pravachan"-like. Without the wrapper of religion, thankfully. Depending on the mindset, some of these pointers might come across as inane, or illuminating, or as was the case with me, somewhere in between. I do acknowledge that I am not as "aware" of my thoughts as I ought to be. For e.g. just the other day, I was really fuming that my almost-4-year-old would not follow an instruction I had for her. It took an effort to step back and realize just how angry I was feeling. Something, which I might have realized maybe after two days, or not at all, if I hadn't been listening to this course in that period as well. Still, I can't imagine being mindful about every single thing we do in life. Sometimes you really do need to delegate your thinking to system 1, as Kahneman calls it.
I do wish the narration was a little faster. I generally listened to it at 1.25x the normal speed, except the exercise. Perhaps there's an insight about patience there... but really, the normal speed felt unnaturally slow, and, actually, uneven. Because Muesse would suddenly pick up speed for a couple of words and slow down again. Well, he is a professor, not an actor or something, so can't except narration to be flawless here.
In the end, after a couple of weeks of practicing breathing meditation, I certainly feel a lot more collected and calm. The trick is to keep doing it of course. Not take a break and wait for a tectonic upheaval to then meditate to try and magically remedy the ensuing anxiety. The idea is to be mindful, and prepare for that calamity, that eventually strikes everyone in some shape and form.