The Man Who Left

by Theresa Weir

THE MAN WHO LEFT is about the importance of fathers. It's about the men who leave, and the men who stay.

It's a familiar story. Father leaves his wife and children and never looks back. Theresa Weir was five when her father left his family for a better life with a wealthy socialite. Many years passed with only occasional and grudging contact by Theresa's father. When Theresa married into a successful farm family, her father resurfaced, but she couldn't help but be suspicious of his awkward visits.

Years later, when the aging socialite dies and Theresa's father is diagnosed with Alzheimer's, people expect Theresa to move to Florida to care for him. A daughter's duty.


This is Theresa's personal story of a strained and painful father/daughter relationship.

What does a daughter owe the father who abandoned her?

~~~

From the editor:

THE MAN WHO LEFT could be considered a companion to the stunning memoir THE ORCHARD. But where THE ORCHARD is a dark fairy tale, THE MAN WHO LEFT is pure Middle American gothic, told in Theresa Weir's unadorned yet richly powerful and emotionally resonant style. A story about the burdens of remembering and the costs of forgetting, THE MAN WHO LEFT poignantly chronicles the emotional consequences of betrayal and abandonment by those who are supposed to love us the most.

~~~
From the book:
I doubt I’ll ever forgive him. It’s not in me to forgive him, but my own sense of humanity won’t let me ignore him and his plight. This would be easier if he were a stranger. Or, if I loved him. If he were a stranger, I could help him without having to listen to stories that pierce my heart, stories of a fabulous life that didn’t include his children. If I loved him, I would swoop him up and carry him off to live with me.
Through the wall, I hear him shift in his bed, and I hear the jingle of a dog collar, and I imagine the two Dalmatians curled beside him in the king-sized bed. The walls are pale blue, covered in framed Irene Spencer prints; soft images of mothers cuddling babies. Long white dressers with gold trim are strewn with Eve’s ornate perfume bottles and tiered glass shelves of jewelry. A floral spread covers my father in oblivion, his shape undefined and fragile. He doesn’t know it, but he is the man who broke us.

~~~
PRAISE FOR THE ORCHARD
An Oprah Magazine Fall Pick
Featured Review in Entertainment Weekly
Number Two on October Indie Next List
BJ's Book Club Spotlight
LIbrarians' Best Books of 2011Maclean's Top Books of 2011
On Point (NPR) Best Books of 2011
Abrams Best of 2011
Publishers Lunch (Publishers Weekly) Favorite Books of 2011Best Nonfiction of 2011
One Book, One Community Read
Target Book Club Pick, September 2012

About the author:



Theresa Weir (a.k.a. Anne Frasier) is an award-winning, USA Today bestselling author of twenty-three books and numerous short stories that have spanned the genres of suspense, mystery, thriller, romantic suspense, paranormal, and memoir. Her titles have been printed in both hardcover and paperback and translated into twenty languages. Her memoir, The Orchard, was a 2011 Oprah Magazine Fall Pick, Number Two on the Indie Next list, a featured B+ review in Entertainment Weekly, and a Librarians’ Best Books of 2011. Going back to 1988, Weir’s debut title was the cult phenomenon AMAZON LILY, initially published by Pocket Books and later reissued by Bantam Books. Writing as Theresa Weir she won a RITA for romantic suspense (COOL SHADE), and a year later the Daphne du Maurier for paranormal romance (BAD KARMA). In her more recent Anne Frasier career, her thriller and suspense titles hit the USA Today list (HUSH, SLEEP TIGHT, PLAY DEAD) and were featured in Mystery Guild, Literary Guild, and Book of the Month Club. HUSH was both a RITA and Daphne du Maurier finalist. Well-known in the mystery community, she served as hardcover judge for the Thriller presented by International Thriller Writers, and was guest of honor at the Diversicon 16 mystery/science fiction conference held in Minneapolis in 2008. Frasier books have received high praise from print publications such as Publishers Weekly, Minneapolis Star Tribune, and Crimespree, as well as online praise from Spinetingler, Book Loons, Armchair Interviews, Sarah Weinman’s Confessions of an Idiosyncratic Mind, and Ali Karim’s Shots Magazine. Her books have featured cover quotes from Lisa Gardner, Jane Ann Krentz, Linda Howard, Kay Hooper, and J.A. Konrath. Her short stories and poetry can be found in DISCOUNT NOIR, ONCE UPON A CRIME, and THE LINEUP, POEMS ON CRIME. She is a member of Sisters in Crime and International Thriller Writers.



Title List

Writing as Anne Frasier

Hush, USA Today bestseller, RITA finalist, Daphne du Maurier finalist (2002)

Sleep Tight, USA Today bestseller (2003)

Play Dead, USA Today Bestseller (2004)

Before I Wake (2005)

Pale Immortal (2006)

Garden of Darkness, RITA finalist (2007)

Once ...

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography Memoir, Family, Autobiography

308 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 19, 2012

About the author

Theresa Weir (a.k.a. Anne Frasier) is a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of novels and numerous short stories that have spanned the genres of suspense, mystery, thriller, romantic suspense, paranormal, fantasy, and memoir. During her award-winning career, she's written for Penguin Putnam, Simon & Schuster, HarperCollins Publishers, Bantam Books/Random House, Silhouette Books, Grand Central Publishing/Hachette, and Amazon's Thomas & Mercer. Her titles have been printed in both hardcover and paperback and translated into twenty languages.

Her first memoir, THE ORCHARD, was a 2011 Oprah Magazine Fall Pick, Number Two on the Indie Next list, a featured B+ review in Entertainment Weekly, and a Librarians’ Best Books of 2011. Her second memoir, THE MAN WHO LEFT, was a New York Times Bestseller. Going back to 1988, Weir’s debut title was the cult phenomenon AMAZON LILY, initially published by Pocket Books and later reissued by Bantam Books. Writing as Theresa Weir, she won a RITA for romantic suspense (COOL SHADE), and a year later the Daphne du Maurier for paranormal romance (BAD KARMA). In her more recent Anne Frasier career, her thriller and suspense titles hit the USA Today list (HUSH, SLEEP TIGHT, PLAY DEAD) and were featured in Mystery Guild, Literary Guild, and Book of the Month Club. HUSH was both a RITA and Daphne du Maurier finalist.

THE ORCHARD

An Oprah Magazine Fall Pick
Featured B+ Review in Entertainment Weekly
Number Two on October Indie Next List
BJ's Book Club Spotlight
LIbrarians' Best Books of 2011
Maclean's Top Books of 2011
On Point (NPR) Best Books of 2011
Abrams Best of 2011
Publishers Lunch (Publishers Weekly) Favorite Books of 2011
Eighth Annual One Book, One Community 2012, Excelsior, Minnesota
Target Book Club Pick, September 2012

www.theresaweir.com


Title List

Writing as ANNE FRASIER
Hush, USA Today bestseller, RITA finalist, Daphne du Maurier finalist (2002)
Sleep Tight, USA Today bestseller (2003)
Play Dead, USA Today bestseller (2004)
Before I Wake (2005)
Pale Immortal (2006)
Garden of Darkness, RITA finalist (2007)
Once Upon a Crime anthology, Santa’s Little Helper (2009)
The Lineup, Poems on Crime, Home (2010)
Discount Noir anthology, Crack House (2010)
Deadly Treats Halloween anthology, editor and contributor, The Replacement (September 2011)
Once Upon a Crime anthology, Red Cadillac (April 2012)
Woman in a Black Veil (July 2012)
Dark: Volume 1 (short stories, July 2012)
Dark: Volume 2 (short stories, July 2012)
Black Tupelo (short-story collection July 2012)
Girls from the North Country (short story, August 2012)
Made of Stars (short story, August 2012)
Stars (short story collection, August 2012)
Zero Plus Seven (anthology, 2013)
Stay Dead (April 2014)

Writing as THERESA WEIR
The Forever Man (1988)
Amazon Lily, RITA finalist, Best New Adventure Writer award, Romantic Times (1988)
Loving Jenny (1989)
Pictures of Emily (1990)
Iguana Bay (1990)
Forever (1991)
Last Summer (1992)
One Fine Day (1994)
Long Night Moon, Reviewer’s Choice Award, Romantic Times (1995)
American Dreamer (1997)
Some Kind of Magic (1998)
Cool Shade RITA winner, romantic suspense (1998)
Bad Karma, Daphne du Maurier award, paranormal (1999)
Max Under the Stars, short story (2010)
The Orchard, a memoir (September 2011)
The Man Who Left , a memoir and New York Times bestseller (April 2012)
The Girl with the Cat Tattoo (June 2012)
Made of Stars (August 2012)
Come As You Are (October 2013)
The Geek with the Cat Tattoo (December 2013)

Reviews

[willaful · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reviewed from e-arc provided by NetGalley

In her second memoir, romance and mystery writer Theresa Weir writes the antithesis of a romance: the story of a man who deserted his true love, and their children, for the sake of a wealthy lifestyle with a much older woman. It's also a mystery that will never be solved.

The first person narrative alternates between young Theresa's past, a harrowing story of children left at the mercy of an insane and abusive mother, and present day Theresa's attempts to connect with the father she had seen "fewer than twenty times since he and my mother divorced fifty years ago," who has Alzheimer's disease. The story of her relationship with her father, what there was of it, is a history of neglect and slights: a rare visit to his wealthy home, where she finds her Christmas presents to him still unopened months later; a desperate letter that got no response. Yet somehow she can't quite let the connection go, despite how much he deserves it, despite how pointless it is:

Alzheimer's has removed the chance of my being able to find closure and possibly forgive him. I always thought someday we would discuss what happened, and maybe I would eventually come to understand why he did what he did. But now, even when he's right in front of me, I know I'll never have the answers I need. Everything is unfinished.

Yet it's not at all an unsatisfying book, though like The Orchard, it's certainly a painful one to read. Although Weir's questions may never be answered, her raw testimony is powerful and important.

[L.K. Rigel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Theresa Weir can write.

Coleridge said, "I wish our clever young poets would remember my homely definitions of prose and poetry; that is prose; words in their best order;-poetry; the best words in the best order."

Quaint punctuation aside, this sentiment applies to Weir's work. It may be prose, but she chooses the best words and puts them in the best order. I forget I'm reading when I read her books. I get lost in the story, and that's true of her memoirs as well as her fiction.

The Man Who Left is a memoir about Alzheimer's, but don't look here for pity or schmaltzy sentiment for Weir's father, the man with the disease. Weir explores the excruciating tension between obligation to an ill parent and justifiable rage and resentment over his abandonment of his children when the obligation was on his side.

As with her companion book The Orchard, Weir's memoir of her marriage, The Man Who Left reads like a novel. Her stark truth-telling is raw, real, and liberating.

[Carmen Sisson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Maybe this book struck a little too close to home, or maybe the timing was wrong, but it left me sad in a blank kind of way that was perhaps intentional.

The impression it left mirrors the underlying themes of the book -- loneliness, abandonment, the longing to understand the past, and the knowledge that there are some pains we will never understand, no matter how hard we try.

I went back and forth with this book. There were times when the author sounded like a peevish child with an ax to grind, and I wanted to throw the book down. There were times she was a wounded child, and I waited to see her come out on top. And finally, there is the adult who has learned to make her own needs a priority and let others have their mistakes to either own or forget.

My biggest disappointment was that there was such a heavy focus on her teen years and such a detached focus on her father's Alzheimer's. I was under the mistaken impression that this would be a book about the conflicting sense of duty and the daily battle against the "long goodbye."

If that is the book you're seeking, this isn't it. If you're seeking a triumphant rise above dysfunction, it does serve that purpose, in an off-handed way. Because we know so little of her present day life, we don't know if she has grown as a person or not. Certainly, she seems resigned to never having the relationship she wanted with her father, but I'm missing the character arc -- perhaps because this is a memoir, and real life is messier than fiction.

This book was a worthwhile read, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. I like to be left with something to ponder, some deeper understanding or changed perspective. But it felt more like a writer exorcising her demons on the page. Unfortunately, I don't think she's conquered them fully, and I have no clear understanding how she managed to survive such a horrific childhood.

A disappointing, unsettling read.

[Marilyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book just broke my heart. In a world of disfunctional families, this family gets the top award. And yet the author does not wallow. She moves from one painful childhood scene to another, letting us feel her confusion and helplessness, without asking for sympathy. Interwoven in those painful memories, is the present, as she tries to reconnect with the father who left them, now an old man who doesn't even remember who she is at times. The answers she so desperately seeks are buried in the memories of a man who can no longer access them. The story is beautifully told as she struggles to seek closure with the source of her pain.

[Tasha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Theresa Weir shares her life of instability and disconnected relationships in this tale of her life as the daughter of a man who chooses to leave his wife and 3 children for an older, wealthy socialite. As he does so, he tells them, "you'll never see me again." The family moved quite a bit, eventually settling down after Theresa's mother marries again. Yet, life for Theresa never gets better. The turns and valleys of her life are chronicled, and the reunion between Theresa and her father is a poignant conclusion, giving life to the experience of dementia and its impact on the diagnosed as well as those who love them.

[Renee · Rating 3 out of 5]

* I received a complimentary copy of this book through a First Reads Goodreads giveaway. * I would rate this book somewhere between 3 and 4 stars.

The Man Who Left is a companion book to The Orchard, Theresa Weir's highly acclaimed first memoir. Theresa Weir is a good writer - the book reads like a fictional story but unfortunately for me, I felt that the content wasn't particularly engaging. I had a difficult time picking it up night after night because it never really hooked me.

At the end of the day, it was an ok read for me.

[Zoe Jussel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love non-fiction that feel like fiction and this one certainly took the tiger by the tail. Quite unusual and I would like to read more by this author.

[Renee · Rating 2 out of 5]

Probably me but memoirs that are bordering fiction are not for me. It was sad, depressing and hard for me to decipher if it was non fiction or fiction. A little torn

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was so well written. So real. But that in itself is what was so hard for me to read. For those who have experienced even part of the things that Theresa did growing up, this book will have you in tears. I had to walk away from the book a few times, let it rest a few days. But I needed to see how it turned out for her. So I would come back. And I finished it.
This author wrote with absolute reality. And while Theresa did suffer some physical abuse, most of it was terrible, incredibly sad mental abuse. She absolutely had no one in her life. Her father had abandoned his family, her mother hated the sight of her. Her wishy washy stepfather did whatever his wife told him to do. Even her small brother realized he had to join the parents' side to be able to survive the household. She could trust nobody.
Imagine walking home to school and getting to your front door with the shakes so bad you couldn't open the door for fear of what might be waiting?
This book covers reality. This is REAL. For so many. How extremely sad. And we learn to count our own blessings from our childhoods.

[J. A. Lewis · Rating 3 out of 5]

Theresa Weir writes a dismal accounting of her childhood with two dysfunctional parents and a step-parent in this somewhat short memoir. When her father leaves his family for a wealthy older woman, her mother as well as the children suffer from the loss of his presence. She begins the story with the care of her father who has developed Alzheimer's. She makes it clear that he has never had a relationship with herself or her brothers. At some point, the story changes to her childhood and the complete breakdown of her mother after a second marriage and step-father enter the picture. It is sad to me that this man allowed her mother to manipulate him into abusing Ms. Weir. It's also sad that she didn't try to discuss this situation with a school teacher or counselor. It was a relief when her mother/step-father move away and this abused young woman finds herself living with friends in order to complete her education. This is not a happy book and tough reading material.

[Tuff · Rating 5 out of 5]

Theresa Weir provides a very accurate description of the emotional consequences of betrayal and abandonment of those who are supposed to love us the most. It also provides much insight as to what one goes through when a family member has Alzheimer's disease.

[Catherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

The subject matter is heavy and emotional, and Weir puts it all out there on the page, taking her readers through her youth suffering abandonment, abuse and neglect from the adults in her life.

Weir’s father left the family when Theresa was very young. He left Theresa’s mother for an older, wealthy woman and never looked back at the family he left behind. Decades later when Weir’s father is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and he has no one else left in his life, she returns to help him.

Weir’s memoir is relatable to readers who’ve suffered abuse and/or abandonment and has experience with Alzheimer’s patients. Her storytelling is moving. I think the book is engaging because you become hooked into her story and not only want her to survive but triumph over the severe childhood dysfunction she endured. 4-1/2 stars.

[Christa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have enjoyed Theresa Weir's writing since her early books in the late 1980's, and I am always thrilled when she comes out with a new book. It is rare for me to enjoy memoirs, but hers flow so smoothly that I love them as much as fiction. She is a great storyteller, no matter what genre she chooses. This book is the story of her father and their rather difficult relationship. It really made me feel for what the author has been through in her life. I have liked learning more about Theresa Weir in her memoirs, and hope she will write more of them. Thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for providing an ARC in return for an honest review.

[Rachael Preston · Rating 4 out of 5]

An enjoyable read. Both sections or timelines were compelling: the narrator as a youngster and later in life as a married woman with her own family suddenly thrust into the role of caring for an ailing father who was never there for her when she was a child. This creates great tension. And the fact that Weir's father is suffering from alzheimer's and can't be held blamed or reproached for the heart-wrenching things he often says adds another layer. My only criticism is that the book is short. Too short.

[Saisha Sandoz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading "the man who left." The book kept me captivated from beginning to end. Theresa did a wonderful job bringing me into her world, the visit with her dad, and all of the memories and emotions that can bring about. I like how it also points out the fact that in forty years almost nothing had been done to overcome and eliminate (or at least successfully slow down) alzheimer's. I would (and am) reccommending this book to my friends and family.

[Cheryl Killingsworth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't know why I gave this book 4 stars. Should it have been 5? Or 2? Different kind of read for me. Left me feeling a little creepy on the order of The Lovely Bones making me feel nauseous, creepy, disgusted and determined never to read such a horrid book again. But this is The Man Who Left. Treatise on Alzheimer's, deadbeat dads, abusive parents, etc. I would not be interested in reading anything else by the author.

[Pam Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved the book, its a poignant and heart wrenching story about love lost and regained between father and daughter, how a fractured family suffered emotional betrayal and abandonment by the father who left because his wife promised him anything, not in word or actions, that they would have a rich and exciting life but never delivered and used the pregnancies to make him stay and how he gets in contact with his daughter later on in life

[Char · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great book about memory and the impact of parents in our lives. I sped through this one, constantly wanting to know what happened next. Weir does an excellent job with jumping through time - her past and back to present - offering insights along the way. The parts about her upbringing with her mother and stepfather were a bit challenging to read without a little bit of flinching, but there's an honesty to it that I greatly appreciated from the writer.

[Amanda Heger]

From the description, I thought this would be more about her journey in caring for her ailing father--the man who left her all those years ago.

It did touch on that, but the book dealt far more with her childhood, mother, stepfather, and siblings than with the realities of caring for an Alzheimer's patient.

Overall I very much enjoyed this book, but I think the description is a little misleading.

[Lyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thought Provoking & Brutally Honest. Amazingly well-written. This is a book that makes you think – just what would you do if faced with these same decisions. Although The Man Who Left is a companion book to Ms. Weir’s book The Orchard, this does read as a stand-alone. Enjoy! NetGalley and Belfry Press provided an advanced review copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of novels that makes you grateful for your protected and happy childhood. It depicts the impact that growing up without a father can have on a child and how hard a way it is to understanding and maybe forgiveness. This book will touch you on a completely new level and you won't get it out of your head for some time.

[Paul · Rating 5 out of 5]

Describes the painful and humiliating childhood of a prominent author, whose mother was crazy and whose stepfather beat her regularly with a belt. The fact that she could even survive such an upbringing is remarkable. The fact that she turned it into poignant literature is beyond imagining. I would HIGHLY urge you to read this book.

[Kmbr · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book. I too was a little confused when she dwelled on her teenage years with her mother. Kept wondering when she was getting back to the story of her dad. I was angry and hoping she would have her day with her mother. Having gone through my father having early onset Alzheimer's some of it hit home. I wondered if her brothers knew she was in touch with him?

[Lisa Duquette · Rating 2 out of 5]

I did not like the way the author went from past to present . I usually like this in most books , but I guess I didn't like her style of writing. There needed to be more details in the relationships . I feel a lot of depth was left out of these characters. Especially the main character telling the story .

[Bettina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I hated the first chapter and almost put the book away but really liked the rest of the book. Sad story about a woman dealing with her dad that has Alxheimers and can't remember he left his kids and wife...

[Gay · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was not a book to enjoy. It was sad. The parents are dysfunctional resulting in a broken family and abusive situation. It was well written and gave a n informative description of Alzheimer's and it devastating affects.

[Kathy · Rating 3 out of 5]

. She got dealt a bad hand and made the best of it. She was looking for answers she isn't going to get because of Alzheimer's and I'm sorry that she won't get the answers she desperately seeks. The book read fine, i wanted to like it more than I did. It was ok.

[Michelle [Helen Geek]]

Free on Amazon 04/15/2012.

[Therese]

$0.0

[Trudy Stachowiak · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful follow-up to The Orchard. Left me wanting more.